Sands Hetherington's Blog, page 16

There is No “Right” Time to Write

One of the most common problems among new writers is when they say this: “I can only write when [insert arbitrary rule here].” Sometimes they think they can only write in the early morning, sometimes only when their children are out of the house, sometimes only when they feel inspired—but every single one of these answers is the root cause of a writer’s failure. I’ve found a lot of advice about writing to be insubstantial, but this one piece of advice is what I’ve heard every great writer say, and what has been proven to me throughout my journey as an author . . .

There is not “right” time to write. Write anyway.

It is always going to be easier to not write than it is to write. Sitting down with no distractions, opening up a blank document unsure of what to fill the page with, staying there for hours, days, and years of your life until you feel like you’ve finally come close to what you wanted to say are just a few of the reasons why you should just close your laptop and give up on the novel you dreamed of writing one day. But those reasons won’t deter the passionate writers. The ones who dream of their stories every time they close their eyes. The ones who see the people walking down the street as characters. The ones who itch to get their words down on napkins, receipts, or the back of their hands when nothing else is available. To them, writing isn’t confined to a certain time of day, or a certain mindset. To them, writing is something that happens always, just because they are alive.

I agree with those who argue that setting aside a certain time of day, every day, will help a writer get their work finished. But relying on that time alone increases the risk of the writing never happening at all. Schedules change every day. Kids get sick and stay home from school, friends ask you to stop by for dinner, partners need someone to talk to after a stressful day. Writing time gets interrupted, and it can be hard to get back when you forget that all day, any day is the perfect time to write.

Louis L’Amour said it best when he wrote, “Start writing, no matter what. The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on.”

There will always be an excuse to not write; the timing isn’t right, there’s too much on your to-do list, you feel uninspired. Start writing anyway. You’ll be grateful you gave all the time you had to your story when your finished novel is in your hands.

What’s the best writing advice for beginners you’ve heard? Let me know in the comments below!

 

*protected email*

The Benefit of Doing Live Readings as an Author

I was fortunate to be invited to do a live reading of my newest book, Night Buddies Go Sky High, at the store Books to be Red on Ocracoke Island, NC last week, and it was one of the best experiences I’ve had since the book released earlier this year. A close-knit, enthusiastic group of both children and parents came out to listen to my reading, and through that experience I had the opportunity to take on an entirely different perspective of my book.

Marketing a book seems to be all about the Internet these days. You have to do blog tours, keep up-to-date on Twitter and Facebook, send out e-mails, and all kinds of things that allow you to interact with readers—but Internet interaction can only take you so far. When you get the chance to hear someone laugh at a particularly funny scene or line, watch their eyes light up as you imitate character’s voices, and have the chance to answer their questions or talk about the characters face-to-face, that is when you really feel as though you’ve passed your book on from being your creation, to being something for other people to love.

As an independently published author, it can be more difficult to set up in-person readings, you’ll have to foot any travel expenses, and you might not get the giant crows showing up the way they do for best-selling authors—but let me tell you, doing a live reading is worth all of those difficulties. I’ve had the opportunity to read in schools, libraries, and independent bookstores like Books to be Red, and no matter how big or small the crowd, I always walk away glad to have gone through with it. Connecting with readers is one of the most rewarding parts of being an author, and no connection is more intimate than one established in a live reading.

If anyone who came to my reading on Ocracoke Island is reading this, thank you so much for taking the time to come listen to me read. If any other independent authors are reading this, look into setting up a live reading as soon as possible; you’ll have a chance to market your book the old-fashioned way, by connecting with individuals person-to-person, not computer-to-computer.

Have you ever attended a live reading? Tell me about your experience in the comments below!

*protected email*

Book Recommendation Time! Best Parenting Books

With so many parenting books on the market these days, it’s difficult to sort through and choose the ones that will be most applicable to your situation and your life. This is why I’ve provided a few different types of parenting book titles below—from ones aimed to parents of young children, to general parenthood stories, to books targeted directly to fathers. I hope you find that each one of them has something special to offer you and your children!

Father for Life: A Journey of Joy, Challenge, and Change, by Armin A. Brott: In this book, Brott explores how fathers evolve from the time their child is born and on, and how children influence their fathers’ development. The author combines his personal experience with advice from experts and interviews with other fathers, adding up to a “wise guidance on what it means to be a devoted dad over time.”

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish: This is one of the most popular parenting books on the market, and for good reason. Mazlish and Faber delicately and logically explore what it means to effectively communicate with your children. It has been referred to as a “parenting Bible,” and I can’t say I’d disagree.

Raising Boys, by Steve Biddulph: This book explores just what it says in its title; that raising boys is an altogether different task and therefore requires a different approach than raising girls. Being written from a psychologist’s point-of-view, it is filled with bits of scientific information, but is still easy to follow and downright humorous at times. It includes chapters on testosterone, sports, and how boys’ and girls’ brains differ, and focuses on boys’ development through many phases of life.

The Velveteen Father: An Unexpected Journey to Parenthood, by Jesse Green: This is my favorite of the list, which is in part due to the beautiful storytelling and in part due to the fact that the author was an acclaimed writer before turning his subject matter to parenthood—I’m always supportive of dad-writers! This book tells Greene’s story of falling into parenthood unexpectedly and the many unexpected challenges and joys accompanying that lack of preparation. Amazon wrote it best when it said the book explores, “the transformative effects parenthood can have on people who least expect to become parents—and of how we are repeatedly made anew by the love of children who need us.”

As parents, do you enjoy reading parenting books? Have you found any to be particularly helpful or insightful in your own life? Let me know in the comments below!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*protected email*

Why Your Local Library is the Perfect Summer Hangout

It’s official . . . school is out for the summer! While your child is probably jumping for joy at the idea of spending an entire season away from classrooms, homework, and early mornings, us parents tend to have a few more hesitations during this long break. How do we keep our children busy? How will we afford to keep them entertained? When are we going to get all of our work done? (A hard enough task for stay-at-home parents when school is in session!)

The best answer to all of these questions? Make the local library your regular summer hangout spot. Here’s why:

Libraries are free entertainment. You’ll get yourself and your children out of the house when they’re going stir-crazy, there are usually summer programs like shows and games for kids during the summer months, and there’s an endless supply of free reading material to keep your kids from watching too much television! Added bonus—when it’s time to head home, you get to take the entertainment with you for free.

Libraries provide an environment for you to work in while your children are being entertained. Pick a nice desk close to the children’s area, set up your laptop, and you’ll be good to go. During those performances or game hours, you’ll be free to enjoy an uninterrupted, quiet hour of work or writing. Added bonus—you won’t have to pay for a babysitter since you’ll always only be a few feet away from your kids!

Libraries are air-conditioned. Save some money on your electricity bill and escape the summer heat in the library. Added bonus—for some reason, every library I go to ends up feeling cooler than my own house!

You’ll be helping your kids progress their reading skills even during their time-off. Chances are, your kids won’t want to feel like they’re doing homework over the summer; they’ve had enough of logging their silent reading hours and writing book reports. But when you enter them into library contests and they end up reading multiple books in a week hoping to win prizes, they’ll be learning just as much as they did in school and will be prepared to enter their next school year. Added bonus—you’re helping them learn without hearing complaints!

So there you have it! The next time your kids are feeling bored with their summer vacation, take them down to your local library. It’s the perfect place for kids and parents to spend their time.

When was the last time you visited your local library? Let me know in the comments below!

P.S. I want to thank everyone who entered in my Amazon giveaway last week. There were so many entries that the giveaway ended the same day it began; it blew me away! Be sure to stay tuned on my Twitter page for more information about future contests!

 

 

*protected email*

10 Quotes About Parenting That’ll Make You Smile

1. “When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” –Erma Bombeck

2. “Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.” –David Frost

3. “I used to believe my father about everything but then I had children myself & now I see how much stuff you make up just to keep yourself from going crazy.” –Unknown

4. “Having a child is liking getting a tattoo…on your face. You better be committed.” —Eat, Pray, Love 

5. “The only thing kids wear out faster than shoes is their parents.” –John J. Plomp

6. “A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.” –Jerry Seinfeld

7. “Most children threaten to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.” –Phyllis Diller

8. “Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and just hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.” –Michelle Pfeiffer

9. “Kids are like buckets of disease that live in your house.” –Louis C.K.

10. “Bedtime: The perfect time for kids to ask questions, request food, require additional bathroom breaks, and need a new nightlight.” (Or go on adventures with a zany red crocodile!) –Sands Hetherington

What are some of your favorite parenting quotes? Any of these strike a cord? Let me know in the comments below!

*protected email*

Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Sit Down to Write Your Children’s Book

So one day it hits you—that perfect idea, the one you know is your key to becoming a children’s book author. You do a little character developing, you download Scrivener, you’re ready to take that idea and turn it into a children’s book, right?

Wrong. Almost every person believes they have a book inside them, but without taking the time to consider your writing goals, those books never make it to “The End.” Before you sit down at your computer and start typing out that great bestseller you’ve been brewing, I suggest you take some time to sit down and think about these questions.

Why are you writing this book? Do you desire fame, wealth, or critical acclaim? Do you believe in and love your story? Do you simply want to read the book to your child, family, or friends? I’m not going to say that any motivation for finishing a book is better than another (though I’m not holding my breath to become a millionaire author anytime soon), but I do think that without knowing what’s motivating you, you’ll lose steam around page thirty and your book won’t ever be completed.
What time commitment are you giving to this book? Will you write every day? Should you set a daily word count? Are you planning on writing whenever the mood or inspiration strikes? Giving yourself clear and realistic expectations for the amount of time you will dedicate yourself to this project will keep you from being frustrated if it takes you awhile to finish. Knowing ahead of time that you only plan on writing 100 words a day will allow you to realistically be aware that you’ll be working on this book for over a year or years to come.
How much of your story do you know? You don’t need to be the person that writes an in-depth outline before you start writing chapter one, but you should have an idea of what the beginning, middle, and end of your story will be. If you start writing the book with a strong, developed beginning, no clue as to what will happen in the middle, and a vague idea of the ending, you could get lost and give up the whole project.
Would you want to read this book? This is the most important question to ask yourself—and the one a lot of wannabe authors don’t give enough importance to. If you don’t believe your book is important, if you’re not having fun writing or reading it, and if you don’t care about your book as if it was your own child, you won’t have the energy to fight to get it written and eventually published. Don’t bother to start writing something if you don’t start the project with more passion than you’ve ever felt in your life.

Deciding to write a book is deciding to start one of the longest, craziest, emotional, frustrating, and rewarding journeys you’ve ever been on. If you feel confident in answering all of these questions, you’ll be prepared to see your book through to its end.

Are you a first-time writer? What are some of your answers to these questions? Let me know in the comments below!

*protected email*

Taking a Time-Out: Why Fathers Need to Value Their Personal Time

It’s time to admit it to yourself . . . you need a break.

But why is it so hard for men, fathers in particular, to vocalize their need to step back for a bit and spend some time—whether it be a day, or even an hour—focusing on rejuvenating themselves with some personal time? And I don’t mean time to drop your kid off at daycare to spend working, writing (if your work is writing), or taking care of bills and housework, but actual time to relax and refresh.

Writing a book, being a single parent, and making a living for one’s family is enough to burn out the Energizer bunny, and yet when put in that position some men don’t feel comfortable admitting they need some time off. Stay-at-home fatherhood is still not widely recognized as acceptable in our society, and it’s taken for granted that men should be able to work and parent simultaneously, with no complaint. There are all kinds of studies out there showing how working mothers are affected by the stress of mothering and working full-time, but I’ve found none that accurately do the same for working fathers.

Well, as a single father who also worked full-time, I can tell you that getting burned out is something that happens overwhelmingly and often when you don’t fit personal time into your schedule. It’s time we stand up for ourselves, even if that just means unapologetically taking care of ourselves.

When you feel close to your breaking point, it is a favor to yourself, your child, and your work to get away for a time, go see a movie by yourself, go fishing, zone out to your favorite Netflix show . . . anything that allows you to rest your brain, rest your body, and feel refreshed enough to go back and conquer your very hectic schedule with patience and grace. I found that for me, personally, finding time to read every day, even if it’s only for an hour or so, helps me focus on the other pieces of my schedule more clearly.

My point is, don’t be afraid of calling time-out—you’ll be better off for it.

Do you ever struggle trying to balance all the areas of your life? What’s your favorite “time-out” activity? Let me know in the comments below!

*protected email*

If You Don’t Think Your Child Notices What You Do, Here’s A Video to Change Your Mind

The other day while I was searching through some YouTube videos, I came across this one called, “Kids Perspectives on Dads” as part of The Fatherhood Project. Take a look at it below:

Aside from being a very sweet Father’s Day gift to us fathers across the Internet, I thought this was a great video to remind us just how much our kids notice what we do, and especially what we do with them. The kids in this video talk about playing sports with their dads, watching TV with them, and just spending time together in general; the one thing I sadly found missing was any child talking about their dad reading with them.

If your child notices you watching football games or your favorite TV show, they’re going to want to join in. The same goes for reading—if your child notices you reading a book each night, they’ll want to do it too. You are your child’s biggest inspiration. You are the example in your home. I think we, as parents, need to keep this in mind with every decision we make.

Creating a new generation of kids who love reading starts with us. Introduce your child to the many worlds they can experience through reading, and enrich their lives with literature. Then, maybe, if this Youtube channel makes a video like this again we can say we did it, our children love it when we read with them. They’ll only be better off for it.

What kind of things do you and your child do together? Is reading with them important to you? Let me know in the comments below!

*protected email*

Choosing the Best Setting for Your Book

When many new writers are first gathering ideas to start writing their books, often one of the last things they think about is where the story is going to take place (unless they are writing fantasy, in which case setting is one of the first things to think about). Sometimes authors forget to give setting any attention at all. But here’s something to remember: where your story takes place might not drastically influence the plot of the book, but the story still has to take place somewhere.

When I set out to write the Night Buddies books, I originally focused my attention on forming the characters that would be most important to the story. But when I actually got to the point where I was ready to sit down and start writing, I realized something important—I had no idea where these characters lived. Setting cannot, let me repeat, cannot, be ignored. So if you’re where I was when I began writing and haven’t given much thought to the setting in your story, here are three pivotal things to consider to get your story, and your setting, back on track.

What type of settings are you familiar with? If you’ve never lived in a city, writing about city life accurately may be become difficult. Think about the places you know like the back of your hand, places you can picture with your eyes closed, and incorporate aspects of them into your book’s setting. All those details will help make the story come alive. Of course, you can choose to research a setting you aren’t familiar with, but often the best details about a place aren’t something you can look up online—they come from the experience of living there.

What type of setting will best fit the tone of your book? If you’re writing a lighthearted children’s book, it’s appropriate to incorporate fun, whimsical locations. In Night Buddies, for example, I set a few scenes in a zoo where there could be more talking animals like Crosley—it added another dimension of fun and silliness to the books, which was important because I wanted kids to have a blast reading them. If you’re writing a horror novel, maybe a place that experiences a lot of rain and cold should be used instead of sunny Southern California. Choose settings that will enhance the tone of your story, and it will become that much more well-rounded.

Does your setting add to the story? I chose to set the Night Buddies books in a city, and part of what went into that decision was that the adventures take place at nighttime. A city has a lot of bright lights, so Crosley and John can get around relatively easily, and are able to see what is going on around them. In a small, country town they would probably be spotted by neighbors, and they would be completely in the dark when trying to get around. Little details like this about your setting should add logic, mystery, and excitement to the story you’re writing.

What do you think about setting? Is it one of the first things you think about when plotting a book? Leave your thoughts in a comment below!

*protected email*

From Father to Master Storyteller: Tips for Telling the Best Bedtime Stories!

So you’ve decided you want to tell a story to your child every night before they go to bed, but you’ve read every book in your house over and over, and the only thing you can think of on your own is, “Once upon a time . . .” But as someone who created a series of books out of my simple bedtime stories, I can tell you that becoming a master storyteller isn’t so complicated. Here are my top tips for telling bedtime stories your child will adore!

Cater to your child’s interests. Think about which books your kid loves to read. Are they about horses, sports, magic, pirates? Draw your subject from there, or even combine some of them! You could tell a story about a magic pirate and his horse companion competing to become World Champions in a horse race. The more creative you get with your child’s interests, the more interesting your story will be to them.

Keep it short. Kids don’t have very long attention spans, and by bedtime they should already be pretty wiped out. Just keep the storyline simple—you have a character, there is a problem, the problem gets bigger, and then the character resolves the problem. You should be able to keep it under ten minutes. If you have more to tell, continue on the next night.

Make your child the star! You’re always telling your child that they can be anything they want to be, right? Well here’s your chance to tell them a story about becoming president, discovering cures for diseases, getting a record deal, or whatever it is their biggest dreams are. Even if you put them in stories that are unrealistic, like how I put my son John in the Night Buddies stories, hearing about themselves as protagonists in the stories you tell will boost their confidence and help them realize that you truly believe in them to do and be anything they want.

Tell the story together. I’ve said before that my son John is the one who came up with our red, talking crocodile friend Crosley, and I think it truly goes to show that the best stories are ones that you and your child come up with together. Ask them to create a character, a storyline, or a setting. Tell the story back and forth to each other a sentence at a time. They will feel proud for having created something fun, and it will bond you two closer together.

What are some bedtime stories you’ve told your child? Any tips for the new storytellers out there? Let me know in the comments below!

*protected email*