Megan Morgan's Blog, page 44

N – Names

My A to Z Challenge theme is teaching you how not to write a book, or a short story, or any piece of creative writing whatsoever. For more information, including links to previous chapters and lessons, please refer to this post. Now buckle in and proceed with…

THE WORST ROMANCE NOVEL EVER WRITTEN IN 26 DAYS.

PANDORA’S TACKLEBOX

Billionaire Highlander cowboy Hawk MacHardcastle is tired of living the jetset life of champagne, bucking broncos, kilts, fast cars, and burning bundles of cash for warmth. Desperate to find meaning in his life, he retires to his family’s isolated cabin in the wilds of New Jersey, on the shores of majestic Lake Latrine.

There, Hawk plans on self-reflection and pursuing the great love of his life—fishing. However, Hawk’s self-imposed loneliness comes to an end when he makes a most unusual companion and fishing buddy.

Dropsy Velvet was once a young woman living on the shores of Lake Latrine with her settler family. However, a curse turned her into a mermaid and now she lives, sad and alone, in the depths of the lake. She hasn’t had human contact for close to fifty years, thanks to everyone either being terrified of her or thinking they’re drunk when they see her—but Hawk may be the connection to the world she’s been craving. Charmed by her innocent face, sparkling wit, and huge bare breasts, Hawk decides to help her find a way to lift the curse, as she will lift his: the curse of ennui and affluenza. But time is running out, for something sinister wants to flush Latrine away forever.

Names

Hawk abruptly sat up. The wrinkled, haggish old woman they’d seen walking along the lakeshore stood before him, next to the dwindling fire. Her wrinkled old hands were curled into fists and her black eyes glittered with malevolence. The warts on her hooked nose glistened in the firelight.

“Who are you?” Hawk demanded. He grabbed up his sword, pistol, three throwing stars, and an axe. “What do you want?”

The old woman cackled. “I am Broomhilda Glinda McHag. I know you are protecting the mermaid Dropsy Velvet. She is mine, silly man. You will never possess her. On the day I drain this lake, she will be sucked down with the rest of the fishes!” Her cackle grew loud and maniacal.

Hawk threw his axe at her, but she vanished in a puff of green smoke. He wished he was having a nightmare, but he was wide awake.

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?

Naming your characters can be difficult. Some character names come easily, while others you need to scour baby name blogs and click name generators until your eyes glaze over to figure them out. Names should be dependant on a few things: the time period during which the story is set, appropriateness to the characters themselves, and how they blend with the rest of the elements of the story. Some authors name characters to indicate what and who they are, deriving their names from things that relate to or symbolize their background. A very prominent example of this is the Harry Potter novels. However, this must be done creatively and as unobtrusively as possible, because it can spill over into parody.

In case you’re unaware, both ‘dropsy’ and ‘velvet’ are bacterial infections in aquarium fish. Hawk MacHardcastle is a parody of romance hero names. ‘Broomhilda,’ ‘Glinda,’ and ‘hag’ are all heavy-handed references to witches. Latrine, while actually being a rather pretty word…well, I’m sure you know what a latrine is. As I’ve pointed out several times during this exercise, if you’re writing comedy, by all means be ridiculous and make up ridiculous names. But even comedy requires subtlety, or else you’ll be trying too hard and it won’t be funny at all. On that note, if I’m not making you laugh, I apologize. I’m not actually a comedy writer.

Filed under: A to Z Challenge 2016, Pandora's Tacklebox Tagged: advice, blog hop, creativity, funny, romance, writing

M – Metaphor

My A to Z Challenge theme is teaching you how not to write a book, or a short story, or any piece of creative writing whatsoever. For more information, including links to previous chapters and lessons, please refer to this post. Now buckle in and proceed with…

THE WORST ROMANCE NOVEL EVER WRITTEN IN 26 DAYS.

PANDORA’S TACKLEBOX

Billionaire Highlander cowboy Hawk MacHardcastle is tired of living the jetset life of champagne, bucking broncos, kilts, fast cars, and burning bundles of cash for warmth. Desperate to find meaning in his life, he retires to his family’s isolated cabin in the wilds of New Jersey, on the shores of majestic Lake Latrine.

There, Hawk plans on self-reflection and pursuing the great love of his life—fishing. However, Hawk’s self-imposed loneliness comes to an end when he makes a most unusual companion and fishing buddy.

Dropsy Velvet was once a young woman living on the shores of Lake Latrine with her settler family. However, a curse turned her into a mermaid and now she lives, sad and alone, in the depths of the lake. She hasn’t had human contact for close to fifty years, thanks to everyone either being terrified of her or thinking they’re drunk when they see her—but Hawk may be the connection to the world she’s been craving. Charmed by her innocent face, sparkling wit, and huge bare breasts, Hawk decides to help her find a way to lift the curse, as she will lift his: the curse of ennui and affluenza. But time is running out, for something sinister wants to flush Latrine away forever.

Metaphor

That night Hawk slept on the beach, near the water, both to be closer to his new mermaid friend and to watch out for the creepy old woman. He was like an ancient Roman centurion, ever on guard. Next to him lay a shotgun, three knives, a sword, a pistol, a mace, and six throwing stars, a true arsenal of the gods. No witches, demons, monsters, or tax collectors would pass by him that night.

Dropsy slept in the water, floating on her back like a ship passing in the night, one with huge breasts like great succulent watermelons bobbing across the surface. Her hair spread around her in the water like creepy seaweed.

Hawk kept one eye open, literally, as he had learned how to sleep like that when his family visited his ancestral Highland home as a child–a place where brigands and thieves stole about like hungry jackals in the night. He would be ready for anything that crept up on them, like a well-trained dog on the hunt.

He was half lost in dreams about riding Dropsy through the waves like a dolphin, when his senses were tickled, as if with a feather, by the sound of soft footsteps approaching on the sand.

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?

Metaphor is a literary device in which something is likened to something else, usually something universally recognized and understood, to give it impact. Unfortunately, ill-used metaphor has the opposite effect: instead of making a strong, distinctive comparison, it comes across as cheesy and trite. There are much better ways to convey the gravity of a situation without using metaphor. Sometimes, stating things outright is much more powerful in its simplicity. Showing how an action, words, or a character affects people and things around them is direct and has better results. Metaphors have their place, but they shouldn’t be used as a crutch.

Also, if you have a good editor, they’re probably going to pluck metaphors out of your writing and tell you to do better. We don’t always need to be reminded of a comparison to understand how a concept, person, or event takes shape—if it’s written well enough, the reader will unconsciously make those comparisons on their own. That makes for more powerful writing than what you get when you lean on metaphor and cliché.

Filed under: A to Z Challenge 2016, Pandora's Tacklebox Tagged: advice, blog hop, creativity, funny, romance, writing

L – Local Color

My A to Z Challenge theme is teaching you how not to write a book, or a short story, or any piece of creative writing whatsoever. For more information, including links to previous chapters and lessons, please refer to this post. Now buckle in and proceed with…

THE WORST ROMANCE NOVEL EVER WRITTEN IN 26 DAYS.

PANDORA’S TACKLEBOX

Billionaire Highlander cowboy Hawk MacHardcastle is tired of living the jetset life of champagne, bucking broncos, kilts, fast cars, and burning bundles of cash for warmth. Desperate to find meaning in his life, he retires to his family’s isolated cabin in the wilds of New Jersey, on the shores of majestic Lake Latrine.

There, Hawk plans on self-reflection and pursuing the great love of his life—fishing. However, Hawk’s self-imposed loneliness comes to an end when he makes a most unusual companion and fishing buddy.

Dropsy Velvet was once a young woman living on the shores of Lake Latrine with her settler family. However, a curse turned her into a mermaid and now she lives, sad and alone, in the depths of the lake. She hasn’t had human contact for close to fifty years, thanks to everyone either being terrified of her or thinking they’re drunk when they see her—but Hawk may be the connection to the world she’s been craving. Charmed by her innocent face, sparkling wit, and huge bare breasts, Hawk decides to help her find a way to lift the curse, as she will lift his: the curse of ennui and affluenza. But time is running out, for something sinister wants to flush Latrine away forever.

Local Color

Once Hawk realized what a fool he was–cooking up Dropsy’s brothers and sisters and expecting her to eat them–he went to the cabin and got her something more palatable. He made her a roast beef sandwich and a hearty stew of potatoes and carrots, another throwback to his manly childhood on the bull circuit. She seemed much happier with this and they cozied up on the sand, eating and chatting, her with her stew and him with his grilled fish.

As they ate, a group of young people strolled by. They appeared to be of Italian descent, with putrid orange spray tans, gigantic gelled hair, and swathed in Gucci and Prada. They were chattering loudly when they noticed the two of them on the sand and stopped.

“Oh my God, like.” One of the girls pulled her designer sunglasses down her nose—though it was dark out now. “There’s this creepy old woman who’s been following us around. Like, stay safe you guys.”

“Yah.” One of the men flexed his oiled biceps and tugged his visor down over his broad brow. “Like, I might have to beat her up. I totally will. By the way, is that a mermaid, or am I totally drunk? I know I’m drunk, but like, is that a mermaid?”

Hawk smiled. “It is, indeed.” He loved the people of New Jersey.

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?

Local color, also called regionalism, is important in a lot of books. Readers even seek out certain authors and types of books based on their love of a certain region. Where the story takes place can be as important as the characters and the plot. Sometimes it’s not just a backdrop but a vital piece of the story itself—you couldn’t just pick the story up and put it somewhere else, or it wouldn’t be the same.

That being said, if you write about a specific region, city, town, or any other place, if you don’t actually live there you need to do your research and get the local color correct. Don’t rely on stereotypes and things you see on TV. If it’s someplace you’ve actually visited, even better. But if you haven’t, that doesn’t mean you can’t write about it, and do so faithfully. The internet is a wonderful place for information, and also for reaching out to people who live in that area. Until I started writing this lampoon I actually had no idea New Jersey has a ton of beautiful state parks and lakes…I had only ever seen Jersey Shore nonsense and heard how trashy it was.

Filed under: A to Z Challenge 2016, Pandora's Tacklebox Tagged: advice, blog hop, creativity, funny, romance, writing

K – Kinesics

My A to Z Challenge theme is teaching you how not to write a book, or a short story, or any piece of creative writing whatsoever. For more information, including links to previous chapters and lessons, please refer to this post. Now buckle in and proceed with…

THE WORST ROMANCE NOVEL EVER WRITTEN IN 26 DAYS.

PANDORA’S TACKLEBOX

Billionaire Highlander cowboy Hawk MacHardcastle is tired of living the jetset life of champagne, bucking broncos, kilts, fast cars, and burning bundles of cash for warmth. Desperate to find meaning in his life, he retires to his family’s isolated cabin in the wilds of New Jersey, on the shores of majestic Lake Latrine.

There, Hawk plans on self-reflection and pursuing the great love of his life—fishing. However, Hawk’s self-imposed loneliness comes to an end when he makes a most unusual companion and fishing buddy.

Dropsy Velvet was once a young woman living on the shores of Lake Latrine with her settler family. However, a curse turned her into a mermaid and now she lives, sad and alone, in the depths of the lake. She hasn’t had human contact for close to fifty years, thanks to everyone either being terrified of her or thinking they’re drunk when they see her—but Hawk may be the connection to the world she’s been craving. Charmed by her innocent face, sparkling wit, and huge bare breasts, Hawk decides to help her find a way to lift the curse, as she will lift his: the curse of ennui and affluenza. But time is running out, for something sinister wants to flush Latrine away forever.

Kinesics

That evening, Hawk dug a pit on the beach and built a fire. He then fried up the fish he’d caught. The scent of charred seafood filled the air, an odor that reminded him of his childhood days on the rodeo circuit with his father. There was nothing like a big old fish fry beneath the painted desert sky after a hard day of taming bucking broncos.

Dropsy stretched out on the sand. She twitched her tail and gritted her teeth as she watched Hawk slough the scales off with a big bowie knife and dig the fish’s guts out. She winced as he threw the skinned fish on the fire and they sizzled. She wrinkled her nose and her eyes watered as the scent of frying fish filled the air. Poor girl, she had to be starving. She probably lived off plankton and seaweed at the bottom of the lake.

Hawk stretched out on the sand next to her as the fish cooked and raised his eyebrows at her in his best come-hither look. He laid on his side, propped on one elbow, and struck his best model pose. That always got the ladies frisky for him.

“Wait a second.” Something dawned on him. “Does eating fish make you a cannibal?”

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?

Kinesics is the interpretation of body language, facial expressions, and nonverbal cues people exude in everyday encounters with each other. These indicators can be as important in writing as they are in real life—they can say a lot about your character and about what they’re going through and what their emotional and mental state is. Using descriptions of body language and facial expressions is a way to accomplish that popular writing adage: show, don’t tell. You can show a lot about what’s going on in someone’s head using just a few words.

If your other characters don’t pick up on these cues, that can say a lot about them, as well. Just make sure it’s believable, because most people instinctively pick up on nonverbal indicators whether they realize it or not. It’s just how we’re wired. It’s part of what makes us human. Of course, if your main character is a self-absorbed nitwit who cooks a mermaid fish for dinner, it shows us exactly the kind of person he is when he doesn’t interpret her cringing correctly.

Filed under: A to Z Challenge 2016, Pandora's Tacklebox Tagged: advice, blog hop, creativity, funny, romance, writing

J – Jargon

My A to Z Challenge theme is teaching you how not to write a book, or a short story, or any piece of creative writing whatsoever. For more information, including links to previous chapters and lessons, please refer to this post. Now buckle in and proceed with…

THE WORST ROMANCE NOVEL EVER WRITTEN IN 26 DAYS.

PANDORA’S TACKLEBOX

Billionaire Highlander cowboy Hawk MacHardcastle is tired of living the jetset life of champagne, bucking broncos, kilts, fast cars, and burning bundles of cash for warmth. Desperate to find meaning in his life, he retires to his family’s isolated cabin in the wilds of New Jersey, on the shores of majestic Lake Latrine.

There, Hawk plans on self-reflection and pursuing the great love of his life—fishing. However, Hawk’s self-imposed loneliness comes to an end when he makes a most unusual companion and fishing buddy.

Dropsy Velvet was once a young woman living on the shores of Lake Latrine with her settler family. However, a curse turned her into a mermaid and now she lives, sad and alone, in the depths of the lake. She hasn’t had human contact for close to fifty years, thanks to everyone either being terrified of her or thinking they’re drunk when they see her—but Hawk may be the connection to the world she’s been craving. Charmed by her innocent face, sparkling wit, and huge bare breasts, Hawk decides to help her find a way to lift the curse, as she will lift his: the curse of ennui and affluenza. But time is running out, for something sinister wants to flush Latrine away forever.

Jargon

The sun was setting and Hawk wanted to get some fishing in before nightfall. He returned to the pier after a nice long stretch in the sun with Dropsy, during which they talked about their lives, hopes, dreams, fears, and that one time Hawk got his head stuck in a staircase railing because his cousin bet him ten bucks he wouldn’t do it. Dropsy seemed to understand that kids did stupid things sometimes, even though he was twenty-five when it happened, and he loved her for it.

Dropsy swam around the pier as Hawk prepared himself for a hardcore fishing session. He only needed a light action rod in these gentle waters, and he attached a chugger and bell sinker to it, slapped a bit of attractant on his hook along with a fat dilly, and checked his phone to find out the creel limit.

He back casted the line gracefully into the gleaming eutrophic waters. Maybe he’d catch a pike or a parr, a striped bass or a sun trout. He could catch just about anything with the vast and sophisticated array of bait and lures he used—artificial, bobbers, cowbells, crankbait, curly tails, deer-hair bugs, loose-action plugs, shads, stick bait, tail-spinners, weedless, and of course, good old fashioned worms. His tackle box was a box of wonders.

“We’ll eat good tonight,” he told Dropsy. “I’m going to cook you up the best fish fry you’ve ever had.” It was the least he could do for her. After all, she’d saved his drowning spirit.

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?

Jargon consists of specific names, details, slang, and expressions used by professions, groups, and hobbyists to describe the tricks of their trade. Of course you want to learn all about what your characters are into, including the words and phrases they use—or maybe you already know. However, you can’t assume all your readers will know the jargon surrounding a character’s field or passion, especially if it’s obscure. If you just rattle off jargon, you’re either going to have confused readers or ones who are frustrated and have to Google what the hell you’re talking about every page or so.

There’s plenty of ways to work jargon into a story if it’s wholly necessary: you can simply explain it when it comes up, or have the character explain it to someone else, or you can use layman’s terms when appropriate. Plenty of crime and lawyer-based fiction, as well as medical fiction, manages to engage readers who aren’t detectives and lawyers and doctors, because the authors keep things simple and explain terminology when necessary. Also, like everything else in fiction, it’s never a great idea to dump a whole bunch of unusual information at once. If you’re creative enough, you might teach readers something new.

I did, for example, learn a great deal about fishing while researching this entry.

AUTHOR’S NOTE:

It was brought to my attention yesterday I’ve accidentally been calling Dropsy ‘Topsy’ now and then. I’ve gone through and corrected my posts, both past and future, to fix my duh-ness.

Filed under: A to Z Challenge 2016, Pandora's Tacklebox Tagged: advice, blog hop, creativity, funny, romance, writing

I – Idioms

My A to Z Challenge theme is teaching you how not to write a book, or a short story, or any piece of creative writing whatsoever. For more information, including links to previous chapters and lessons, please refer to this post. Now buckle in and proceed with…

THE WORST ROMANCE NOVEL EVER WRITTEN IN 26 DAYS.

PANDORA’S TACKLEBOX

Billionaire Highlander cowboy Hawk MacHardcastle is tired of living the jetset life of champagne, bucking broncos, kilts, fast cars, and burning bundles of cash for warmth. Desperate to find meaning in his life, he retires to his family’s isolated cabin in the wilds of New Jersey, on the shores of majestic Lake Latrine.

There, Hawk plans on self-reflection and pursuing the great love of his life—fishing. However, Hawk’s self-imposed loneliness comes to an end when he makes a most unusual companion and fishing buddy.

Dropsy Velvet was once a young woman living on the shores of Lake Latrine with her settler family. However, a curse turned her into a mermaid and now she lives, sad and alone, in the depths of the lake. She hasn’t had human contact for close to fifty years, thanks to everyone either being terrified of her or thinking they’re drunk when they see her—but Hawk may be the connection to the world she’s been craving. Charmed by her innocent face, sparkling wit, and huge bare breasts, Hawk decides to help her find a way to lift the curse, as she will lift his: the curse of ennui and affluenza. But time is running out, for something sinister wants to flush Latrine away forever.

Idioms

“Tell me what’s wrong.” Topsy thought Hawk was the best thing since sliced bread but she knew you couldn’t judge a book by its cover. “Why are you sad? Why did you come here to be alone?”

Hawk sighed. He felt he could spill the beans to her, let the cat out of the bag, instead of beating around the bush. “I’m not satisified with my life. Being a billionaire Highlander cowboy who sells feminine products was not the life I had planned for myself. I need…some meaning.”

Topsy couldn’t imagine a life like that. She didn’t want to bite off more than she could chew, but she hoped he would stay, for a man like him only came along once in a blue moon. “Maybe you’ll find it here,” she said. “It’s only been my wish to have the curse lifted and escape this place, but–maybe if I had something to stay here for, it wouldn’t be so bad.”

Hawk smiled. Maybe they could help each other find meaning in their situations. After all, they couldn’t spend their lives crying over spilt milk.

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?

Idioms are sayings and phrases we all know well, which convey a sentiment in a short and clever way. Should they be used in writing? That depends. If you use it in the prose itself, probably not—any good editor is going to make you pluck idioms out of your writing, for they’re trite and distracting. Your characters can say them of course, because that’s how people talk. But again, they should be used sparingly. It’s much better to write succinctly and just say what you mean.

Of course, if you’re writing comedy, as I discussed yesterday, idioms might work for you. A certain turn of phrase at the right time can be hilarious—but you don’t want people cracking up at your dramatic murder mystery.

Filed under: A to Z Challenge 2016, Pandora's Tacklebox Tagged: blog hop, creativity, funny, romance, writing

H – Hyperbole

My A to Z Challenge theme is teaching you how not to write a book, or a short story, or any piece of creative writing whatsoever. For more information, including links to previous chapters and lessons, please refer to this post. Now buckle in and proceed with…

THE WORST ROMANCE NOVEL EVER WRITTEN IN 26 DAYS.

PANDORA’S TACKLEBOX

Billionaire Highlander cowboy Hawk MacHardcastle is tired of living the jetset life of champagne, bucking broncos, kilts, fast cars, and burning bundles of cash for warmth. Desperate to find meaning in his life, he retires to his family’s isolated cabin in the wilds of New Jersey, on the shores of majestic Lake Latrine.

There, Hawk plans on self-reflection and pursuing the great love of his life—fishing. However, Hawk’s self-imposed loneliness comes to an end when he makes a most unusual companion and fishing buddy.

Dropsy Velvet was once a young woman living on the shores of Lake Latrine with her settler family. However, a curse turned her into a mermaid and now she lives, sad and alone, in the depths of the lake. She hasn’t had human contact for close to fifty years, thanks to everyone either being terrified of her or thinking they’re drunk when they see her—but Hawk may be the connection to the world she’s been craving. Charmed by her innocent face, sparkling wit, and huge bare breasts, Hawk decides to help her find a way to lift the curse, as she will lift his: the curse of ennui and affluenza. But time is running out, for something sinister wants to flush Latrine away forever.

Hyperbole

Dropsy swam to the shore and flopped on the sand with the force of an asteroid slamming into the earth. A thousand diamonds of sunlight glittered on her skin. She was as beautiful as Cleopatra, Aphrodite, Mona Lisa, and Christina Hendricks all mixed into one woman. Hawk’s heart—and loins—stirred, a jet engine roaring to life inside his rib cage and in his pants.

He walked over and sat down on the sand next to her, admiring her beautiful scaled tail, like the tail of a great white shark ravaging the deep and eating entire schools of fish in one gulp—the way she was consuming his heart right now.

“Why are you lonely, Hawk?” she asked. “Why did you come here? Tell me who you really are. Are you a god? A titan?”

Hawk laughed, his voice vibrating the air and causing ripples on the lake, since it was so deep and magnificent. “I am no god.” He gazed sadly at her. “Just a simple man, who became tangled in a complicated web.”

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?

Hyperbole is over-exaggeration, blowing things up to gigantic proportions like an atom bomb being tested in the desert, and it’s most effectively used for comedy—so using it for something that’s not supposed to be funny has to be done carefully. As a general rule, if you’re writing something serious you should try to avoid it. There are much more effective ways to create intensity, drama, and impact—using dialog, character reactions, and even understatement. These are much less invasive (and absurd) tactics.

Hyperbole is also most effective when it’s subtle, ironically. It can be used to make characters into caricatures, so again, it’s better suited for comedy. By all means, if you’re a comedic writer you should learn how to use it, and use it well. Not to toot my own horn, but…have you noticed this entire theme has been hyperbole?

Filed under: A to Z Challenge 2016, Pandora's Tacklebox Tagged: advice, blog hop, creativity, funny, romance, writing

G – Genre

My A to Z Challenge theme is teaching you how not to write a book, or a short story, or any piece of creative writing whatsoever. For more information, including links to previous chapters and lessons, please refer to this post. Now buckle in and proceed with…

THE WORST ROMANCE NOVEL EVER WRITTEN IN 26 DAYS.

PANDORA’S TACKLEBOX

Billionaire Highlander cowboy Hawk MacHardcastle is tired of living the jetset life of champagne, bucking broncos, kilts, fast cars, and burning bundles of cash for warmth. Desperate to find meaning in his life, he retires to his family’s isolated cabin in the wilds of New Jersey, on the shores of majestic Lake Latrine.

There, Hawk plans on self-reflection and pursuing the great love of his life—fishing. However, Hawk’s self-imposed loneliness comes to an end when he makes a most unusual companion and fishing buddy.

Dropsy Velvet was once a young woman living on the shores of Lake Latrine with her settler family. However, a curse turned her into a mermaid and now she lives, sad and alone, in the depths of the lake. She hasn’t had human contact for close to fifty years, thanks to everyone either being terrified of her or thinking they’re drunk when they see her—but Hawk may be the connection to the world she’s been craving. Charmed by her innocent face, sparkling wit, and huge bare breasts, Hawk decides to help her find a way to lift the curse, as she will lift his: the curse of ennui and affluenza. But time is running out, for something sinister wants to flush Latrine away forever.

Genre

“Do you ever come out of the water?” Hawk asked. “I mean, since you have gills and lungs, can you live in both the sea and on land?” He thought about a dream he had once, about a giant fish from the planet Zebulon, flying through space. The fish told Hawk it could live in both space and within an atmosphere, as well as in the ocean and in the heart of a volcano.

“Yes, sometimes I come out to sun myself.” She wiggled up to the pier and gazed at the giant, handsome man before her. He oozed charisma and manliness. He reminded her of a mysterious fisherman she’d once helped solve a murder. After much sleuthing and deducing, they’d discovered the butler did it in the conservatory with a candlestick.

“Well, maybe I could use some company.” Hawk’s gaze grew distant as he stared out over the water, thinking of all the love he’d lost in his life. Was he willing to risk it all, once again, for a beautiful mermaid with double Ds? “I came here to be alone, but…being alone is hard.”

“Yes, it is.” She sighed. “Somedays, the only people I have to talk to are the unicorns that live in the forest. And sometimes the wood elves.”

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?

When you write a book, if you ever hope to publish it, you need to establish your genre. This doesn’t mean you can’t cross genres, or experiment, but being able to clearly establish what genre your story falls under is important, even if for only one category. Agents and publishers will want to know what genre it falls into (and you need to know whom to query) and online retailers require you to list books by genre. This also ultimately makes it easier for readers of that genre to find you.

If your book is a huge mess of genres and you can’t pick at least one to label it with (though it may be multiple genres) you’re going to have a hard time selling it. The surrealism/speculative market isn’t very big (that’s not to say people can’t and don’t write brilliant books in that vein). It’s also important to understand the elements of specific genres—if you write a murder mystery that just happens to have someone hallucinating a unicorn, that doesn’t also make it a fantasy. Figure out what you’re writing before you start, or at least while you’re writing your first draft.

AUTHOR’S NOTE:

The positive response to this has been SO beyond what I’ve expected and I’m SO grateful. With that in mind, I wanted to let visitors know right now things are insane in my offline life. I’m in the process of moving (which was not planned when I signed up for this!) and I’m working my day job. I answer ALL comments on my blog and try to visit as many blogs as I can. With that in mind, I may be a bit slow right now, but I PROMISE if you’ve left a comment I will reply. I try to set some time aside each night to catch up with comments/other blogs. If you’re waiting, please be patient! I apologize, my life is total unexpected utter chaos right now, but I make an effort to engage with everyone who visits me.

I apologize and thank you for your understanding/patience!

Also, Stephen Tremp proposed something in the comments yesterday and you can all thank him for this:

If Topsy were the opposite–what a stunning piece of fish!

Filed under: A to Z Challenge 2016, Pandora's Tacklebox Tagged: advice, blog hop, creativity, funny, romance, writing

F – Foreshadowing

My A to Z Challenge theme is teaching you how not to write a book, or a short story, or any piece of creative writing whatsoever. For more information, including links to previous chapters and lessons, please refer to this post. Now buckle in and proceed with…

THE WORST ROMANCE NOVEL EVER WRITTEN IN 26 DAYS.

PANDORA’S TACKLEBOX

Billionaire Highlander cowboy Hawk MacHardcastle is tired of living the jetset life of champagne, bucking broncos, kilts, fast cars, and burning bundles of cash for warmth. Desperate to find meaning in his life, he retires to his family’s isolated cabin in the wilds of New Jersey, on the shores of majestic Lake Latrine.

There, Hawk plans on self-reflection and pursuing the great love of his life—fishing. However, Hawk’s self-imposed loneliness comes to an end when he makes a most unusual companion and fishing buddy.

Dropsy Velvet was once a young woman living on the shores of Lake Latrine with her settler family. However, a curse turned her into a mermaid and now she lives, sad and alone, in the depths of the lake. She hasn’t had human contact for close to fifty years, thanks to everyone either being terrified of her or thinking they’re drunk when they see her—but Hawk may be the connection to the world she’s been craving. Charmed by her innocent face, sparkling wit, and huge bare breasts, Hawk decides to help her find a way to lift the curse, as she will lift his: the curse of ennui and affluenza. But time is running out, for something sinister wants to flush Latrine away forever.

Foreshadowing

Hawk sat down in his chair and considered the mermaid swimming around the pier, her tail drifting lazily in the water like an eel sliding through an oil slick, her breasts bobbing on the surface like two gentle snow-kissed hills in the Highlands of his ancestors. He’d come here to escape the world, the madness of life, and especially women, but here it all was again–a different kind of madness, and a different kind of woman, though she made his loins sizzle just as much as any woman with long lovely legs.

“Look.” Dropsy suddenly stopped swimming and pointed toward the shore. “That old woman over there.”

Hawk looked around. A tottering old woman walked the shoreway, stumping along with her cane. Her hair was silver and she had a long hooked nose covered in warts. As she ambled by she made the sign of the Evil Eye at them. Hawk didn’t find it strange, because women often did that sort of thing to him.

Dropsy shivered. “She gives me the creeps. I see her every day walking next to the lake, muttering to herself. I wonder who she is and what she’s doing here?” She didn’t remember the face of the witch who cursed her, but for some reason she thought of her curse every time she saw the old woman.

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?

Foreshadowing is a great technique—it’s realistic too, as a lot of the events that happen in real life are foreshadowed by something else, whether good or bad. However, foreshadowing shouldn’t be screamed in the reader’s face, but rather casually whispered in their ear so they forget about it until the right moment. Have you ever read a book and something happened that made you gasp and recall a detail earlier in the story? The “THAT’S what it meant!” moment? This is what you should aim for—surprise and delight your readers, don’t make them feel like they’re careening down an inevitable path.

This doesn’t mean foreshadowing should never be obvious. Sometimes it’s fun to make the reader want to cover their eyes because they can see what’s coming even if the character can’t. This must be done with finesse though, and utilized for tension and build-up instead of beating the reader over the head with it. Foreshadowing should seem quietly ominous, not a horrific roller coaster ride toward a brick wall.

Filed under: A to Z Challenge 2016, Pandora's Tacklebox Tagged: advice, blog hop, creativity, funny, romance, writing

Finding The Time

If you’re here for today’s A to Z Challenge post (letter E!) please GO HERE.

This post is part of the Insecure Writer’s Support Group blog hop. The first Wednesday of every month is Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Post your thoughts on your own blog. Talk about your doubts and the fears you have conquered. Discuss your struggles and triumphs. Offer a word of encouragement for others who are struggling. The awesome co-hosts for the April 6 posting of the IWSG will be Megan Morgan, Chris Votey, Viola Fury, Christine Rains, Madeline Mora-Summonte, L.G. Keltner, Rachna Chhabria, and Patricia Lynne!

Hello everybody! I’m once again co-hosting the IWSG and I couldn’t be happier. I love this group!

Wanna know how crazy I am? I’m co-hosting today AND I’m also doing the A to Z Challenge this month. I’m also in the process of moving. Yes, moving into a new place. ‘Chaos’ hardly covers my state of mind right now. Which brings me to the topic of today’s post:

HOW DO YOU FIND THE TIME TO WRITE?

By ‘you’ I don’t mean ‘me,’ but the all-encompassing ‘you,’ as in, all us writers. When do we find the time to write? Life is hectic for everybody, make no mistake. Many of us have jobs, families, responsibilities, things we have to do, things we want to do, and we have to wedge some socialization and relaxation in there or we’ll go crazy. So how do you find time to write?

For me, no matter how hard I try, I’ve never been a scheduler. I can’t say “I’m going to write x amount of words at x time of this or that day,” because that’s not how my creative brain works and it never has. I can sort of aim for days when I know I’m going to have some downtime, but again, I can’t necessarily plan for it or give myself strict rules about what time to do it, or how much I’ll write, or how long I’ll write. If something is really flowing and I’m chugging along on a story that’s speaking to me, I can hammer out a lot of writing very fast. I try to aim for 2,000 words a writing session. If the ideas are chattering I can produce much more. Alternately, some days getting to that 2,000 is like climbing a mountain made of ice and mud.

But despite having no set schedule for myself, the writing comes. I get entire books written that way. I learned long ago to stop questioning the process and just follow it. For me, when life is stressful, finding a bit of time to write always chills me out and makes me feel more focused.

So how do you find time to write? It’s been my experience as a writer that you don’t have a choice in the matter. When a story is haunting you, it will demand quality time with your fingers and keyboard whether it’s the middle of the night or a few stolen moments between responsibilities. And the more you entertain the Muse, the more she comes back, like a stray cat you put food out for. If you’re a writer you will make writing a priority and find a way to steal some time–whether in great gulps or little nibbles. You will get where you need to go.

How do you make time to write? Share some tips and tricks in the comments!

Filed under: IWSG Tagged: advice, blog hop, creativity, insecure writer's support group, inspiration, writing