Megan Morgan's Blog, page 20

And That’s A Wrap!

Today I’m going to finish giving serious answers to the questions in my humorous post The Top 10 Things People Say to Writers, and How You Should Respond. So when you’re tired of being snarky this will help you give some constructive–and helpful–answers to your non-writer friends and family.

I’m combining 9 and 10 for this last post, since 10 was just a funny throwaway.

[image error]9. Will you read/edit the book I wrote and give me suggestions on how to make it better, maybe rewrite a few scenes for me?

Wow, we’re ending on this doozy of a question. I understand, I really do. If I had access to a ***real writer*** (aka someone who has books published) when I was a young, green, inexperienced writer, I probably would have made this faux pas too. Actually KNOWING someone who has done what you want to do seems so shiny and wonderful, of COURSE they’ll help you! I did help someone once by editing his short story, but quickly learned this was a mistake because then he wanted me to edit and revise ALL of his stories (all the while not taking any of my editing advice to heart). I was also in an unfortunate, cringey position in which my boss brought his daughter’s book to work and asked me if I would read it and give her some suggestions.

Of course, a lot of writers have beta readers, and these are people (usually other writers) who have volunteered to read your stuff and give advice and suggestions–and often, you return the favor. But basically ‘cold calling’ an author is a big misstep. There’s four huge reasons I won’t read or edit your book for you:

You’re going to get offended when I tell you what’s wrong with it (been there, seen that).
Editors are people who get paid to do what they do. It’s a real job.
If I spend all my time editing and reading for other people, I’ll never get any of my own work done.
You probably don’t write the same stuff that I write, or am interested in reading, and I can’t give you a fair evaluation because of that.

My humorous answer on the list: Sure thing. Just let me look up the going rate editors/ghostwriters charge these days, and I’ll get back to you with an invoice. By the way, I only take cash, paid in full in advance.

A more constructive answer: The same, but slightly more polite.

And that leads us to:

10. Why are you so grouchy?

*eye twitch*

Well that’s it, folks! I hope you got a laugh out of this, and maybe learned a few things.

By the way, stop by Long and Short Reviews today, there’s a contest going on and I’m giving away a copy of Star-Crossed! There’s tons of other prizes to be won as well, including books and gift cards, so come on down!

Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: editing, top 10, writing

The Big Screen

This week I’m going to finish up giving serious answers to the questions in my humorous post The Top 10 Things People Say to Writers, and How You Should Respond. So when you’re tired of being snarky this will help you give some constructive–and helpful–answers to your non-writer friends and family.

On to number eight!

[image error]8. When is it getting made into a TV show/movie?

Humorously, a couple years ago, about a year after my novel The Wicked City came out, a short-lived TV show called Wicked City aired on ABC. I got several messages from friends asking if it was a TV show based on my novel. I’m not even joking, and they weren’t either. One of these people is a person I talk to regularly, at least a couple times a week, and it boggled my mind. Did he not think I would mention, at least offhand, that my book was being made into a TV show? Also, why would I still be going to my day job if the television rights to my book had been purchased?

On top of that, I have to scowl at these friends because clearly they never so much as read the description of my book, since the TV show isn’t remotely about the same things as my book.

I suppose in a world where books get made into movies and TV shows all the time, if someone gets a book published it’s a valid question to ask. Unfortunately, your book has to be super popular before that’s even an option, my friends.

My humorous answer on the list: Letting your work be turned into a movie is selling out to THE MAN, and besides, I don’t like money. See #7.

A more constructive answer: Not every book gets made into a TV show or movie, obviously. Those rights are separate from print rights, and they don’t get sold until a later time, IF your book is optioned for a TV show or movie (a side note to authors: a publisher should NOT try to purchase your TV and movie rights at the time of publication–only print rights). Most aren’t and never will be, but we can all dream, can’t we?

How about you? Have you made it to Hollywood yet?

Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: books, top 10

Get Your Free Book Here!

This week I’m going to finish up giving serious answers to the questions in my humorous post The Top 10 Things People Say to Writers, and How You Should Respond. So when you’re tired of being snarky this will help you give some constructive–and helpful–answers to your non-writer friends and family.

On to number seven!

[image error]7. Can you give me a free copy of your book?

When you have a book published, you’re probably going to find yourself with a mix of people in your life: people who want to support you and buy it right away, and people who expect you to just give them a copy. Of course, you probably will give some people your book. When my first book came out, I gave away about ten paperback copies (which I had purchased myself, at full price) to people who loved, supported, and stood by me for most of my writing career, and just people I really love in general. But these were also people who would never have their hand out expecting a free copy, either. They were delighted and humbled I gave it to them.

The truth is most publishers are not going to give you a free box of your books to give away, and they might not even give you a discount on buying your own books. Of course if you’re a huge, bestselling author with a big publishing house, you will get free copies to give away or use for promo, but that’s because the publishing house is already making their money back on you and more. Smaller publishing houses don’t have the money to print off a whole bunch of your books and give them to you to distribute, especially if you’re an unknown small fry. Yes, you do get free e-copies to give away, and giving away free e-copies isn’t even that difficult to do on your own. But trust me when I say people who want you to give them a free book usually don’t mean on their Kindle.

My humorous answer on the list: Sure thing. My publisher sends me crates and crates of books to give to people for free and I don’t want to make any money off my book anyway, so here you go.

A more constructive answer: I would love to give copies of my book away to everyone I know. The unfortunate truth is, I don’t have free copies to give away. If I want copies of my book I actually have to pay for them, and I might not even get a discount. I can show you where you can buy my book if you’d like, and I’d be happy to let you know when it goes on sale.

Have you ever had someone in your life expect a free copy of your book?

By the way, if you’re in the U.S. HAPPY ECLIPSE DAY! I got my glasses all ready and I can’t wait to watch!

Filed under: Monday Blogs Tagged: books, funny, publishers, top 10

The Idea Fairy

For the next couple weeks, I’m giving serious answers to the questions in my humorous post The Top 10 Things People Say to Writers, and How You Should Respond. So when you’re tired of being snarky this will help you give some constructive–and helpful–answers to your non-writer friends and family.

On to number six!

[image error]6. Where do you get your ideas from?

This is such an impossible question for me to answer, especially if it comes from someone who doesn’t write. People who don’t write probably think ideas manifest fully formed, in their entirety, and are sparked by one thing–but nothing could be further from the truth. When I write, I’m mostly making stuff up as I go along. When I get an ‘idea’ for a book it’s really just a nebulous notion of something I kind of want to shoot for–but I might end up completely off target. Also, books are a series of ideas, that come from all sorts of places, and it’s hard to identify just where sometimes. Explaining where the seed of story came from might be easier, but again, it’s not always one place.

For me, I also find ideas in the storytelling itself. It’s how my brain works. If you don’t write, it’s difficult to explain how the act of writing is actually an act of creation that unfolds hand over hand, and I’ve been doing it for so long that’s how my thought patterns work now. It takes practice, and it takes time.

My funny reply on the list: I could tell you that, but then I’d have to kill you. Hmm, there’s an idea for a story…

A more constructive answer: Ideas come from a lot of places, and there’s a lot of ideas that go into one story. Some come from things I’ve seen and experienced. Some come from dreams, or fantasies, or other stories. Some come out of absolutely nowhere. But they don’t all come at once, and I’ve never been able to see an entire story from the beginning. That’s the great thing about writing. It surprises even the writer, all the time. Ask me where I got a specific idea, and I might be able to tell you.

What about you? How do you answer this oft-asked question?

Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: creativity, inspiration, top 10, writing

Starstruck

For the next couple weeks, I’m giving serious answers to the questions in my humorous post The Top 10 Things People Say to Writers, and How You Should Respond. So when you’re tired of being snarky this will help you give some constructive–and helpful–answers to your non-writer friends and family.

On to number five!

[image error]5. Do you know (famous author)?

I really only included this on the list because a curious, slightly odd coworker once quizzed me as to if I knew several famous romance authors, Diana Gabaldon among them. I suppose it’s an easy assumption to make, since writer’s conventions do happen all the time, and I’m sure a number of big-time authors know each other. Sadly, though, the only ~famous author~ I’ve ever rubbed shoulders with is Brandon Sanderson, and I can’t say I know the man. We just sat on several writing panels together, along with other authors, at a convention. He’s very nice and very focused.

It would be great if we did all get together, say once a month, in a big gymnasium somewhere and mingled and wrote together, maybe exchanged ideas and drank coffee and/or wine. Given the nature of writers and our squirrelly habits, it would either be the best party ever or the worst.

My funny reply on the list: Yes. We just got done having sex.

A more constructive answer: No, there’s a lot of us, and we don’t all hang in the same social circles. Do you know any famous people?

How about you? Have you ever met a famous author? Do you KNOW them?

Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: funny, top 10, writing

Hook Me Up, Man

For the next couple weeks, I’m giving serious answers to the questions in my humorous post The Top 10 Things People Say to Writers, and How You Should Respond. So when you’re tired of being snarky this will help you give some constructive–and helpful–answers to your non-writer friends and family.

On to number four!

[image error]4. I wrote a book too! Can you hook me up with your publisher?

I’ve gotten this question several times since I’ve been published, and I can tell you it always comes from someone who, while they may be a writer, has no experience with the writing industry, and has never queried any of their work before. Just like you wouldn’t ask a doctor to ‘hook you up’ with the hospital they work at or a lawyer to just give you a spot at their firm, asking a writer to give you an in with their publisher is like trying to get a job without submitting a resume or doing an interview first. Sure, you can put in a good word for someone at most jobs, but you actually can’t do that when it comes to publishing.

Obviously, there are famous writers who have friends and family who are also published, but those people didn’t get published on the famous writer’s suggestion alone–they still had to be good at storytelling and submit their work. The famous writer might have gotten their friend to the front of the line to be seen, but the friend had to have a good product to bring to the meeting. Also, the weight of a famous writer’s suggestion is a hell of a lot heavier than the rest of us small fries. If Stephen King asks his editor to read someone’s work, you can bet your ass they’re going to set aside some time in their day, but if I try the same thing they’re going to be like “wait, we published you?”

My funny answer on the list: Absolutely. Every Saturday my publisher and I have a champagne brunch and I give them the unpolished manuscripts of all the writers I know who can’t be bothered to learn how to compose a query letter, construct a synopsis, or the take the time to look up and follow submission guidelines. My publisher loves it and waits breathlessly for this meeting every week. Plus you know, I’m their favorite author so they trust my judgement.

A more constructive answer: Publishing is a difficult business, and to get in there’s a lot of specific hoops you have to jump through. Is your manuscript polished to the best it can be? Have you written a synopsis? Can you construct a query letter? Do you have a list of prospective agents/editors to submit to, and do you understand their submission guidelines? Do you know your target audience? I can show you some resources for all these things. I can’t get you published, that’s work you have to do on your own, but I do know the mechanics of submission and I can help you out with any questions you have.

Have you ever had anybody ask you to ‘hook them up?’ How did you respond?

Filed under: Monday Blogs Tagged: advice, publishers, top 10, writing

Show, Don’t Tell

For the next couple weeks, I’m giving serious answers to the questions in my humorous post The Top 10 Things People Say to Writers, and How You Should Respond. So when you’re tired of being snarky this will help you give some constructive–and helpful–answers to your non-writer friends and family.

On to number three!

[image error]3. Can you show me how to write a book?

It’s not an unreasonable reaction, if someone asks you this question, to stare blankly at them and wonder if they’re joking. You might want to explain to them that it’s on par with asking “Can you show me how to build a house?” or “Can you show me how to perform surgery?” If the person is in a particular profession you can ask them in return “Can you show me how to do (some complicated thing that takes a long time to master at their job)?” Of course, people who don’t write only see the end product, not the failed starts, numerous revisions, rewritten manuscripts, and ideas that go nowhere. They probably think when you have the know-how, it’s easy to produce a fully formed, publishable novel.

However, if you’re dealing with The Delusional Proto-writer, it’s best to just remove yourself from the conversation. You know the one of which I speak. The person who has never written more than a short story for English class, but has the BEST concept for a novel EVER conceived (but they won’t tell you what it’s about of course, because you might steal their idea) and when they finally find the time to write it, they’ll be a multi-millionaire. It’s okay to tune this person out. Trust me, they’re not going to be rich someday.

But for other people, who might be genuinely interested in writing, they honestly think this is an easily-answered question.

My funny reply on the list: Sure, pull up a chair! This should only take about an hour, two tops.

A more constructive answer: Writing a book is a complex and highly involved process. I would suggest starting out with smaller works, and learning more about the craft, if you’re really interested in writing. There’s many courses you can take both online and off that will help you learn about constructing stories and the art of writing itself. You should also do a lot of reading and study how books are composed. There’s writer’s communities you can become a part of and get feedback. Remember though, it’s never straightforward–you’re going to struggle, fail, and have a lot of false starts, but that’s okay. It’s part of the process! Just like any job, you have to take the time to learn it.

How would you answer this question? How do you not laugh and/or scream when you get it?

Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: advice, books, top 10, writing

Nothing But Time

For the next couple weeks, I’m giving serious answers to the questions in my humorous post The Top 10 Things People Say to Writers, and How You Should Respond. So when you’re tired of being snarky this will help you give some constructive–and helpful–answers to your non-writer friends and family.

On to number two!

[image error]2. When do you find the time to write?

This is a question that I personally get a lot, but I never really expected it to be a huge area of inquiry. I didn’t think people would be so interested in when I write. But, when I actually ponder it, I suppose I understand why they’re curious.

Most people I know don’t write, and so it’s not something they have to fit into their lives. Also, people who don’t write don’t have any concept of how long it takes. Of course, there’s no set amount of time–every writer is different, every writer writes at their own pace, and of course, there’s tons of other things that go into writing–editing, revising, planning. How long do those things take? Again, it’s all about the writer. Not to mention most of us don’t have set schedules when it comes to our writing. Some do, and that’s great, but many of us don’t–we do the work when we can, and some days you might do a lot of writing and the next day nothing. Unless you’re working on a deadline, you can take as long as you like.

I think also, for myself, I have quite a few things published and people must think I wrote all those things in their entirety just over the past two years or so. That sounds like a lot of work!

My funny answer on the list: I will tell you a secret. After you write your first book, the head of the Great Publishers shows up at your house and gives you a potion that makes it so you never have to sleep again. That’s when we get our writing done, during the nighttime while the rest of you losers are wasting your life away sleeping.

A more constructive answer: I’ve been writing for a long time, and it’s something I’m very passionate about. I have responsibilities just like anyone–I work, I pay bills, I have to take care of my home, run errands, and life doesn’t stop for me because I like to write. I find the time to do it, here and there, and it doesn’t take as long as you think, mainly because I have been doing it for a long time. I know what I’m doing and I know how to do it fast, so I can grab some time when it pops up. Also, all those books I have published weren’t just written directly before they were published–some of them took years to write and are only just now being discovered. A lot of my ‘free time’ goes to writing, but I love it, so it doesn’t feel like work.

How would you answer this question?

Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: advice, creativity, top 10, writing

Let’s Get Serious…

On Friday, I made a humorous post The Top 10 Things People Say to Writers, and How You Should Respond. I thought it might be fun (and cause dang, it’s hard to come up with blog post ideas) if I broke down every one of those list items in its own post and answered it…gasp…seriously. Yes, I can be serious sometimes! And also, because, I think these really are things that writers have said to them from time to time, and we need to learn a diplomatic–and perhaps constructive–way to deal with it.

So, over the next couple weeks, I’ll be breaking down each item on the list and I’ll try to answer it as seriously, and studiously, as I can.

Ready? Let’s start at the top!

[image error]1. How come you’re still working at (day job) if you have a book published?

I’ve talked about this before: not only is writing, and the general publishing of books a business, it’s also part of the entertainment business. Just like acting and music, writers write to tell stories and entertain people, and that’s what the business of writing is all about. The thing is, most people who don’t work in any aspect of the entertainment business are only fully aware of the people who make lots of money doing it–famous actors, musicians who fill stadiums, and of course, writers who are household names and make tons of money off their books. Especially in the writing business, lesser-known authors are even more obscure than D-list actors and small time musicians.

We also are constantly bombarded with stories of authors who become bestsellers off their first book, or land a six-figure advance. So, it’s probably easy to think that ‘getting published’ means ‘getting money.’ Especially if you have more than one book published, especially if you have many books published, it might be baffling to some of your friends and family as to why you’re not yet living the good life.

My funny answer to this question on the original list: Well, you see, it gets really boring on my yacht sometimes. I mean, I’ve visited all the tropical islands at this point, my mansions get awful lonely after all the models and celebrities go home, and I just can’t buy any more diamonds and luxury cars because it’s gotten so meaningless. So, I come here because I need SOMETHING to do.

A more constructive answer: The truth is most writers aren’t rolling in money like Stephen King and JK Rowling. There’s a lot of different publishing houses, and many have far less money and distribution to offer their authors than big publishing houses, but that doesn’t mean they’re not legit. Not all authors get a huge advance, even at big publishing houses, and in fact, most of them don’t get any advance. You simply have to hope you reach an audience, people like your writing, and you get more and more books published so you can build a readership and maybe someday at least make some adequate money off it. That’s how it works!

Honestly, what I always tell people to help them understand is: “You know how there’s bands like U2 and The Rolling Stones, but there’s also bands who play in bars on the weekends, and every level of popularity in between? That’s how it is with books and authors, too.”

You can be nice and informative, but also throw some sarcasm in if you like. What would you say to this question?

Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: advice, funny, publishers, top 10, writing

The Top 10 Things People Say to Writers, and How You Should Respond

[image error]

It’s Friday, so let’s have a little fun! Do you get the same weird questions over and over? Do the well-meaning people in your life ask you baffling things on a regular basis? Not sure how to respond? Well, here’s a helpful list of comebacks you can use the next time you get one of those off-the-wall questions (that is, if you enjoy being a smartass):

The Top 10 Things People Say to Writers, and How You Should Respond

How come you’re still working at (day job) if you have a book published? Well, you see, it gets really boring on my yacht sometimes. I mean, I’ve visited all the tropical islands at this point, my mansions get awful lonely after all the models and celebrities go home, and I just can’t buy any more diamonds and luxury cars because it’s gotten so meaningless. So, I come here because I need SOMETHING to do.
When do you find the time to write? (Weirdly, I get this question CONSTANTLY.) I will tell you a secret. After you write your first book, the head of the Great Publishers shows up at your house and gives you a potion that makes it so you never have to sleep again. That’s when we get our writing done, during the nighttime while the rest of you losers are wasting your life away sleeping.
Can you show me how to write a book? Sure, pull up a chair! This should only take about an hour, two tops.
I wrote a book too! Can you hook me up with your publisher? Absolutely. Every Saturday my publisher and I have a champagne brunch and I give them the unpolished manuscripts of all the writers I know who can’t be bothered to learn how to compose a query letter, construct a synopsis, or the take the time to look up and follow submission guidelines. My publisher loves it and waits breathlessly for this meeting every week. Plus you know, I’m their favorite author so they trust my judgement.
Do you know (famous author)? Yes. We just got done having sex.
Where do you get your ideas from? I could tell you that, but then I’d have to kill you. Hmm, there’s an idea for a story…
Can you give me a free copy of your book? Sure thing. My publisher sends me crates and crates of books to give to people for free and I don’t want to make any money off my book anyway, so here you go.
When is it getting made into a TV show/movie? Letting your work be turned into a movie is selling out to THE MAN, and besides, I don’t like money. See #7.
Will you read/edit the book I wrote and give me suggestions on how to make it better, maybe rewrite a few scenes for me? Sure thing. Just let me look up the going rate editors/ghostwriters charge these days, and I’ll get back to you with an invoice. By the way, I only take cash, paid in full in advance.
Why are you so grouchy? I’m not, life is a dream!

Got any to add?

Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: funny, writing