Benjamin Matthew Wallace's Blog, page 2
August 8, 2017
Push and pull
Then there are the bigger ones which are overt and in your face. The, you're doing this wrong, do it another way. In martial arts, it's easy - I can see if someone is overtly trying to setup a trap, they're slow with it, sluggishly moving to do the same thing over and over until I fall for it (I have, I will again, I'm sure), in the real world, it's usually over something petty. Something that one person for whatever reason wants to change in you for themselves, not for you. I'm not sure where the desire of this comes from, and I'm for sure guilty of doing it myself, I'm still not in an internal agreement that I'd continue to do it if I became overt to it.
That's the crux - I'm not sure if the person who is attempting to do this is even aware that they're doing it for themselves and not for my own benefit. On top of which, I'm not even sure they're aware that they've created an issue within several others by coming to battle so hard against something that has nothing to do with them. Almost to the point where a game of it has entered my head. I'm fully aware of the misnomer this person has when attempting to correct me, they're utterly wrong in the belief that this is something I should want - because other peoples beliefs do not have to be my own, a simple truth which I have held onto for the latter part of two decades. I am me. This is who I am and I will have a beard and it will, at times, get messy when I eat foods that cause it to be messy; and now you know the heart of this story, therefore I give you my pledges.

I will never not eat runny egg sandwiches because yolks get in my beard.
I will never not eat pizza with that delicious sauce because sauce gets in my beard.
I will never not eat ice cream because ice cream gets in my mustache.
I'm sure there are others, and I'm not purely a savage - I often wipe my mouth during my meal, just not after every single bite like some perfumed dandy who can't abhor the look of the crowd while he has tomato sauce in his beard. No, I am me, and I will enjoy my food, and if me enjoying my food makes you unable to enjoy yours, I suggest you search inwardly - because, like most things in life, the problem is usually not other people and their actions, but solely the reaction you have to it.
July 19, 2017
Observe, Orient, Decide, Act

If I observe and see an opening, I need to orient myself and then decide whether it's a good thing to act upon. Acting upon that observation requires the other person to then observe what just happened and they need to start their loop anew. If my loop is continuing forward while they're orientating themselves to the first position of my loop and I'm into my second, the pace stays on my side. Though, at least in jiujitsu, being tactful enough to keep your loops from being broken is much easier said than done. People have explosiveness to get themselves out of awful situations that you don't anticipate, people are really strong in weird places, people are cunning, and patient, and will catch you when you do not expect to be caught.
So is it the ability to continue to see loops everywhere you go or is it the ability to not let others who happen to break your loops demoralize you to the point that you can no longer observe situations and start a loop anew?
The more I look at that question the harder it seems to answer. Being demoralized to the point of giving up, and choosing to not observe your situations anymore is a frequent position to be in when the chips are down. It's easy to say, 'yeah, I gave up, it was too hard'. Way too easy. Though I do not wish to live a life of regrets. I have far too many as it is and I'm not even halfway through this life. I'd rather have my loops broken again, and again, and again, instead of not looking for a new one. Again though, easier said than done. In waking life, I've given up far too many times. I've done things I shouldn't have done. I've backed away from things that I should have absolutely done. I've started to do things that I love and let them slip away from my fingers like handfuls of sand. What must we do, as individuals, as groups, as a collective whole - to keep ourselves orientated to the observation which best suits our current situation? How do we know when it feels right to decide and act upon the decision?
To lack feeling is to be dead, but only children act on every feeling they have.
July 18, 2017
Apply the choke ; on laziness
I feel the need to clarify that the practice of not thinking, or no mind, doesn't actually mean I don't know what I'm doing, more so that what I'm doing is so natural for my body that my brain doesn't need to think about step A, B, C, and D, it sees D as an option and runs A to C with precision and speed, and it's exactly the latter of that duo which I lose from direct thought. For many more times than I can count, when I'm in a roll, I'll stop and over think the situation and whatever opportunities I had in front of me to think about are long gone by the time I can actually work the technique necessary to accomplish the sweep or control or submission I was looking for.
Today in training Nathan was showing us a ten finger guillotine choke to butterfly sweep from mount, in order to samurai roll and take the back. There's tons going on here, and breaking it down is not easy at all. I was struggling to keep my posture during the sweep, going from mount, to butterfly guard, sweep back to mount. It was during the sweep back to mount where I was losing it. Nathan broke down for me that I need to actually apply the choke for the sweep to function correctly.
Cue light bulb going off.

July 17, 2017
Thirty

Thirty years to figure out that stagnation leads to death.. I'm just glad that it didn't take longer.
July 16, 2017
Infinite Jest ; a review
There were times where I did not think I would get through this book. There were times where I was so frustrated the begging question was, why the fuck am I still reading this ?

The story unfolds, and is great, but you won't have an utter perfect recall here. Certain chapters will stand out to you. Certain passages. If you value intelligence, quirks, wit, and the love of words, stop wasting your time and read the book.
My favorite passage is still this, “We all have our little solipsistic delusions, ghastly intuitions of utter singularity: that we are the only one in the house who ever fills the ice-cube tray, who unloads the clean dishwasher, who occasionally pees in the shower, whose eyelid twitches on first dates; that only we take casualness terribly seriously; that only we fashion supplication into courtesy; that only we hear the whiny pathos in a dog’s yawn, the timeless sigh in the opening of the hermetically-sealed jar, the splattered laugh in the frying egg, the minor-D lament in the vacuum’s scream; that only we feel the panic at sunset the rookie kindergartner feels at his mother’s retreat. That only we love the only-we. That only we need the only-we. Solipsism binds us together, J.D. knows. That we feel lonely in a crowd; stop not to dwell on what’s brought the crowd into being. That we are, always, faces in a crowd.”
I mean, fucking look at those words. Look at the structure of it. Dissect it. The descriptions of our everyday, menial tasks are set to hold us higher to ourselves. We all do it. Every single one of us is guilty of it. Though I've never seen it said so perfectly. With such truth. Every one of us has our own unique mind, where we are the star of the show, and everyone else is literally just a face in the crowd. All seven billion of us. We interact and play and love some of the other faces, but we are really each our own God. We decide what we do every minute of the day. We critique ourselves into believing we are the only ones who care about what is going on in life. We build ourselves out of it. We become what we think, and we become the masks we wear. Billions of masks in a crowd, pretending to be whatever will make us enjoyable to others, while precariously holding onto all of our own individual traits. I'm quite certain DFW hit the nail on the head that we aren't all quite as unique as we like to think we are, but he is right that all those thoughts we do have, are very much our own. I wish DFW was still alive, 700 pages ago, I would have wanted him to buy me a beer for getting that far into Infinite Jest. Now, at the end, I wish I could just have a weekend to talk to him, and pick his brain, and tell him thanks.
The Stormlight Archive: Book 2. Words of Radiance ; a review
This book is difficult for me to even wrap my head around enough to review. It's massive. We're talking an 1100 page hardcover book. I had more people comment on the size of the book as I was carrying it around than I ever have had before. It's not just a large book to lug around either, this book has a lot going on within. The story progresses and moves along tremendously well. For the past few days I've just been thinking about it. My head has been trapped in Roshar, which you won't find me complaining about.

I didn't possibly think that this book would be better than the first. Of course I was wrong. This book expands the series in such a solid, perfect way that I've been having trouble getting my thoughts in order to even write this review.
Way of Kings ended on such a high note, with so much to look forward to and so many questions that needed answering. At the end of book one, I had a couple of characters sticking out to me that I was yearning to figure out. Sanderson is great at having the story of a character naturally progress. You don't get the entire back story right away, you get glimpses and flashbacks. Slowly you start to piece together the reason a character is the way he or she is. Slowly you start to realize the depth of a characters words and what they mean as they are talking, or what they are purposefully not talking about. That something I appreciate a lot in life. I think too often people have a knack for spilling their personally story too soon when they meet someone. I don't want you to know everything about me because we had fucking coffee together. You don't get those secrets. They are mine. These are what hurt me most and they are trapped behind layers of armor so deep, you better have some kind of shardblade if you want to find them. This is how people are. We look out for ourselves and if I give you a piece of information about me, I'm mainly telling you something you'd be able to find out with a quick google, or something that you couldn't ever use against me. There's maybe four people on the planet who have some of those deep knowledge secrets, and only one of those four who has them all. That's a solid point for Sanderson. I don't find this in many other authors work, he builds a back story for the characters that you actually care about. You make judgments of who the character is before you find out and when you actually see what's making them tick, and you have these feelings as you're reading for hundreds of pages, then you feel like a giant asshole for making those judgments early on, but that's what we as humans do. We make judgments all the time about everything. There's one chapter that Kaladin finds out more about Shallan, as they are both certain they are about to die, that slaps him hard across the face for a wake up call. It was pretty great. I as the reader was feeling pretty similar to Kaladin at the point he was making assumptions about her, Shallan, when she started to digress about her life a little more, it was pretty heart breaking. Equally heart breaking was the wonder in Kaladin at how she can continue to just smile. It was a wrenching moment for the characters I cared about.
All right. Into the belly of it. This book is an epic fantasy. Truly epic in scope, the world is even bigger than you thought it was in the first book, the characters are even bolder, the stakes are higher. I must say that I never really feared for any of the main characters - which isn't a bad thing, but I appreciate a little hesitancy in what I read and what decisions the people I'm reading about are making. The scope of the story is just too vast to tell you about. There's the main plot for each character, the sub plots for each character, the side characters, the interlude chapters, the shadow organizations, and more. My favorite scene had to be Adolin (who is a full shardbearer, meaning blade and plate) versus 4 full shardbearers in the dueling arena. It was epic. I was on a book high for about four days after reading that single chapter. It was just insane, they were out to cripple or kill Adolin, not letting him get his hands up to forfeit the duel. No one would jump down to help him out. Every "honorable" person turned their face away when Adolin's father, Dalinar, asked someone to help him. It was that point where Kaladin, wearing no armor and not having a shardblade, jumped into the pit with just his spear.“Honor is dead. But I'll see what I can do.”
Kaladin is able to draw stormlight, meaning he can heal himself and make himself much stronger and faster than most people, but a shardblade through the neck, chest or spine will instantly kill someone, no matter what. Kaladin had two full shardbearers attacking him at simultaneously and he was weaving in and out as the air from the swords was barely missing. He was guided by more than skill and instinct. He was the wind. Second favorite scene, of course, has to be when Kaladin uttered the third oath to become a Windrunner. I will protect even those I hate, so long as it is right. This is where Kaladin realizes that it's about more than just himself. Just because someone has done something wrong in the past, doesn't mean it's okay to not defend them now, in fact you show yourself to be the best person there can be by defending someone who might have no one else to defend them. I wish I had my own Syl, she's just such a bad ass who is essentially the moral grounding for Kaladin. The one time I was scared for a character was hers. She's just so, pure. Her wit doesn't diminish at all in this book. If I could draw, there's a few scenes I would love to put to paper that I have in my head of her and Kaladin. The twist at the end with her was perfect. I couldn't have imagined it being better. There was a line where was absolutely scolding Kaladin. To be clear, Windrunners are meant to protect. The oaths are just that. I will protect those who cannot protect themselves. “What happened?” Kaladin asked. “The Stormlight drained from me. I felt it go.”“Who were you protecting?” Syl asked.“I . . . I was practicing how to fight, like when I practiced with Skar and Rock down in the chasms."“Is that really what you were doing?” Syl asked.
That's the moral check that she pulls on Kaladin. When he's not acting how she believes he should be, she'll pull the plug. She is an Honorspren, and he must be acting in accordance to the laws of a Windrunner to receive her abilities to give him the powers of that Radiant.
Shallan and pattern were absolutely fantastic in this book. They were lacking a little in the last, and I gotta be honest, they were the part of the book I was least looking forward to. How quickly that changed. I laughed out loud hardest and most frequently during her chapters. Her chapters also had the most intriguing things happening. She had a rough start in this book, a lot of shit went down fast. Pattern (who is her spren, like Syl to Kaladin) was hilarious for the entirety of the book. The whole I am a stick scene was one of my favorite scenes in the entire book. She develops into an amazing, integral character. As her back story develops I felt more pity and sorrow for her character than I did any others. She has this just, insanely hard childhood and early adulthood. The more you learn about her the more impressed you are with her. I'm not sure what direction she'll end up going, but from her current path, she's going to be one of the more complex and interesting characters in the story.“He saw it in her eyes. The anguish, the frustration. The terrible nothing that clawed inside and sought to smother her. She knew. It was there, inside. She had been broken. Then she smiled. Oh, storms. She smiled anyway. It was the single most beautiful thing he’d seen in his entire life.”
Dalinar is one of the coolest characters in the entire story. The dude is a mans man. He's all about what's honorable, but isn't afraid to (literally) kick the shit out of people to prove his point. I'm pretty sure he bullied a god into doing what he wanted. I'll root for this guy until the end. “I fear not a child with a weapon he cannot lift, I will never fear the mind of a man who does not think.” His visions are becoming more troubling, and he's now entered a count down until the end of days when the Voidbringers will return. With no one taking him seriously, he devises a plan to risk it all for the salvation of humanity. Assassination attempts and coup attempts, people mocking his name and the things that are happening to him. He has the hardest role in the entire story. He's balancing a fine line of ignoring his nephew the king and ruling in his stead versus playing politician. He's always been a warrior, he is the Blackthorn. Taking a step back and letting his son, Adolin, move into the warrior leading the house must be very difficult, and it plays heavily on him. Though he has no choice but to follow what he feels is right, whether or not it will be to his death.
Adolin may have stolen the show for me though. Someone who was just a minor character in book 1 has become probably my favorite character in book 2. He's the son of arguably the most powerful person in the series, he's a full shardbearer, he's the best duelist in the world, and he's one of the best battle commanders in the army. He's a womanizer, he's pretty hilarious, and when you get down to it, he's a very decent person.
“People think I know a lot about women. The truth is, I know how to get them, how to make them laugh, how to make them interested. I don't know how to keep them." He hesitated. "I really want to keep this one.”
Ahh, I know all too well how that feels, Adolin. After a string of bad courtships and pissing girls off to no end, he gets a message from his sister that she's found a betrothal for him in Shallan. I loved the pair. They make each other laugh, they make me laugh, and they can even make stormy Kaladin smile. She asked the age old question, what do you do when you have to poop while your in your armor? and he answered it. Adolin Kholin, Brightlord and son of Dalinar, nephew to the King of the realm, as shit his armor 5 times, on purpose. I laughed pretty damn hard during that scene, it was such a real conversation to find a fantasy book, very refreshing. Adolin comes to earn the respect of our main characters, and is always charming in a way. My turn around for being indifferent about him to thinking he was great was when he stayed in prison as long as Kaladin was being imprisoned.
Kaladin frowned. “Wait. Are you wearing cologne? In prison?”“Well, there was no need to be barbaric, just because I was incarcerated.”“Storms, you’re spoiled,” Kaladin said, smiling.“I’m refined, you insolent farmer,” Adolin said. Then he grinned. “Besides, I’ll have you know that I had to use cold water for my baths while here.”“Poor boy.”
I enjoyed the development. It honestly caught me off guard, and I think it was a solid scene to include. It breaks down the character to more than what you thought he was. Yes, he's a spoiled son of Dalinar, Yes, he's pompous, but he wasn't sentenced to prison, he was there because Kaladin was being held for bullshit reasoning by the king. It really worked to progress key plot points and develop the character. The ending, with Adolin doing something that I absolutely did not see coming, really changed the entire way I thought the story was going to play out. I'm curious as to what's going to happen, and I really hope he just owns it, and doesn't have any ill regret towards his decision. He would be far more of a bad ass to just own it. I won't reveal what it is, but it's a pretty stark change (for the good).
Over all, the book was amazing. It shattered my expectations (which were high) for how good the sequel could be to Way of Kings. Please do yourself the favor to read these books, these are some of the heaviest hitters in fantasy right now. The thing that I didn't see coming was that he ties these books into the same 'cosmere' as his Mistborn series, and his Warbreaker novel. I'll have to read those soon. “All stories told have been told before. We tell them to ourselves, as did all men who ever were. And all men who ever will be. The only things new are the names.”
The Stormlight Archive: Book 1. The Way of Kings ; a review

Ancient Greek Hero ; mythos
The ancient Greek hero was not always a warrior. Though the mythos suggested that most men were brave men at arms, and most women were lovely and generous, it is in my opinion that the writers as the philosophers were the same kind of human beings as we. It is with clarity that I can say that those are the reasons why most heroes have flaws. The Greek intellectuals wish to write them as we are, fallible. Related to us in a way that we can look to the heroes for inspiration.Hector, for example. Homer lets the reader know that Hector is known not only for his courage but also for his noble and courtly nature. Peace-loving, thoughtful, and bold. A great son, husband and father, and without darker motives. When the Trojans are disputing whether the omens are favorable, he retorts: “One omen is best: defending the fatherland.” What was his downfall? Pride. He killed Patroclus, Achilles' cousin, his protege. Hector knew the dangers of war, he knew that people die. He of all people should have never stepped out to battle Achilles in single combat.
“Alas! The gods have lured me onto my destruction, death is now indeed exceedingly near at hand and there is no way out of it – for so Zeus and his son Apollo the far-darter have willed it, though heretofore they have been ever ready to protect me. My doom has come upon me; let me not then die ingloriously and without a struggle, but let me first do some great thing that shall be told among men hereafter.” - spoken by Hector when facing Achilles, after a missed spear-throw. The Iliad, lines 299-305.
Pride is the downfall of great men. The Greek mythos put it there for a reason. What would we as humans do with not understanding to be too prideful is in error? The question that really could be answered from one hundred different people with one hundred different answers.
The Greek writers were writers like today. They told a story, and in that story they hoped to give people encouragement and ideals to live by. Though thousands of years have passed since the ancient Greeks and modern times. It's said that history repeats itself, and though it may be true in a sense, I do not personally believe it. History is there to learn from, to look at for guidance. To dwell, and figure out what you could do better, is not meant for our minds. We are meant to be present and now in our decision making capabilities. The Greeks had many free thinkers, many philosophers who paved the way for modern ways of thinking, processing, perspective, and ideology. It is now in our hands and minds to continue the road, to not go down a path that will lead to our end.
There's a Greek hero in all of us. Even if it's just an idea. Use it, and make your world a better place.In closing, live your life as if your story was being written. Be the hero. Make your dreams as amazing and wonderful as you could imagine.
Originally published in October of 2013
The Last Stand ; a short
May 18, 2016
UFC 199 - Bisping steps up.
Luke Rockhold has a new challenger after Weidman pulled out due to injury, and that challenger is UFC vet Michael Bisping.
The Count, Bisping, is coming off of his biggest career win, a five round decision versus Anderson Silva. A performance that comes with critique and admiration. While it certainly looked like Bisping was out at the end of round 3, the referee and judges saw differently and after two more rounds, the Count was able to secure a decision victory.
This fight for Bisping is his second against Rockhold, who won the first fight via a second round submission.
Bisping has long awaited a title shot at middleweight and he's finally getting his chance. I believe he'll be more motivated than he ever has in the ring, but will it be enough to dethrone Rockhold?
We'll find out on June 4th, in Los Angeles.
