Nancy N. Rue's Blog, page 2

Swimming In Life ... and an Invitation of Sorts

Good morning, ladies. I'm starting off with some touting today. This book, Storm Siren,  was written by my very first mentoring client and has just been released this month. Not only is the novel awesome but so is Mary Weber, the author. In fact, she's so awesome that I'm trying to persuade her to write a guest post for us. Until that happens, you can get to know her through this really fine book, which is number one in a trilogy. Good story for curling up with on a weekend when you've had it with studying.

I also have an invitation for you ... well, a question, actually. I'm so impressed with the depth of your comments -- and of course the intensity of thought and feeling that gives rise to them -- and it came to me that one of our old live, on-line blog parties would be a good thing for us.  Not the kind with the food contests  -- perhaps less a party than a gathering, as if we were getting together at Starbucks to talk about all this stuff. 

The questions are -- and I naturally want totally honest answers --

        * is that something you'd be interested in?

        * do you have time (we're talking maybe an hour, hour and a half)?

        * what would BE a good time (weekend, weeknight, middle of the night ...)?

If that's not something you want to do or you don't see how you can squeeze it into your schedule, you absolutely will not hurt my feelings. I just wanted to make the offer. Let me know.

Back to what you've been talking about -- your responses to "Swimming in Mediocrity." You said everything from, 'No, I'm on a spiritual high right now,' to 'I don't see how I won't be stuck in mediocrity in the future.' I think you, KATE pretty much nailed it when you said:

"I feel more like I'm swimming in life, trying to stay afloat."

That's it right there. That's what living is about -- getting in however you can (I've never been a dive-head-first-into-freezing-water kinda gal myself) and staying in. Maybe -- and this just came to me -- mediocrity is sitting on the side of the pool or hanging out on the beach and never actually getting in the water.

    Never battling the waves.

    Never getting salt water in your eyes.

    Never taking a chance in the deep end.

    Never getting splashed.

    Never seeing if you can hold your breath from one end of the pool to the other.

    Never floating, treading, or all-out bookin' it.

    Never being able to say, "This feels so GOOD!"

My own experience has shown that there's a plan. I also know we seldom recognize what the plan WAS until we look back on it. Yet even with the tiniest bit of faith and trust we're shown the way. 

What do you think? Does this metaphor work for you?

    *  Where are you  -- in the kiddy pool, the Olypmic one, a calm lake, the wind-tossed ocean? 

    * What's hindering you?

    * What's keeping you afloat?

  I think the story from Matthew (14:22-33) is incredibly applicable here.  You'll want to read it when you can, but basically the disciples are out on a boat in a storm (they're about to start swimming in life!) and Jesus walks to them on the water. Help is there -- and they freak out. 'Oh, my gosh, it's a ghost, we're all gonna die.' When Jesus says, in essence, "No, you nutbars, it's me,' Peter says, 'Ask me to come to you.' Jesus does. Peter takes off across the water ... and then he panics. He's out of control and even though Jesus has this handled, he's like, 'Wait, this is impossible, I'm gonna drown!'

Note that Jesus doesn' say, "Oh, for crying out loud, don't be a wuss. If you can't have total faith in me, we're done. Go back to your day job."

Just sayin'.

Okay, so thoughts? Questions? Concerns?

You're fabulous young women. Don't forget that.

 

Blessings,

Nancy Rue   

Swimming Through Mediocrity ... Or Finding the Song

 Good morning, ladies. Thanks for your comments on Rebecca St. James' post. She'll appreciate them -- and so do I. They gave me some insights into where you are, which you shared with your usual eloquence. Seriously, do you KNOW how unusual you are? In a world of tweets and texts and emoticons, you give us phrases like Paige's "swimming through mediocrity."

Man, I wish I'd thought of that myself. Really.

Here's what I'm hearing from you. Correct me if I'm wrong:

    * As a teen you had big dreams that changed daily.

    *  Now that you're in college and thinking more realistically toward the future you wonder if any of that is even possible. Can you actually do anything to change the world?

    * You're trying to trust God in that, although it's hard to see how that trusting is playing out in your day to day life.

    *And meanwhile, you're in college because you know you need a good education to do any of the things you still dream of, but it doesn't feel like you're actually getting anywhere. It's a stuck feeling.

    * Besides, what if you just have to accept that you're never going to do anything really great? Where does that leave you? Swimming through mediocrity?

The thought of that actually makes me wince. Just the very fact that you can put that into words means you are far, far from the mediocre puddle that so many people slog through. Henry David Thoreau (pictured above) wrote,    “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.”

What Thoreau assumes -- and I do too, as a Christ follower -- is that each of us DOES have a song in us. I think losing sight of that is one of the most dangerous things we can do.

Humility isn't accepting that you will never do anything that effects change. It's accepting that the changing isn't all about you being in the spotlight for it. Thoreau left society to live at Walden Pond and look at his life. As far as anybody else was concerned, he wasn't doing a stinkin' thing for the world. But the writings that resulted from that have some of the most influential in modern thought.

Let's talk about this, because I think it's HUGELY important. These are a couple of questions that come to my mind, but feel free to branch out from here.

    * DO you believe that God has put a song in you? Whether you know what it is yet or not, do you really believe it's there?

    * ARE you "swimming in mediocrity" in any part of your life? (I think our society is the perfect climate for that, actually)

    * GIVE an example of how trusting God has played out in some ordinary way, lifting a moment out of the swamp of mediocrity.

Of course, feel free to discuss this with each other in your comments. I think we've gotten to the root of something here, so let's keep digging.

Blessings,

Nancy Rue

Rebecca St. James Responds to You

Morning, ladies. Your comments on what to write (and not to write) in New Adult fiction were incredibly helpful, not just for my students and clients, but for me. I know I've said this before but it bears repeating: I am so impressed with your intelligence and the level at which you express yourselves. I appreciate your honesty too.

Speaking of which -- a couple of weeks ago I asked if you'd pose some questions for Rebeccca St. James who is not only a hugely successful Christian music artist and author but a kindred spirit of mine. She's responded directly to your questions, even in the midst of her busy new life as wife and mom.

So -- grab a beverage of choice (have I mentioned that we now have a Starbucks here in Lebanon, Tennessee? Wooo-Hoo!) and settle in with Rebecca. She is an awesome person to talk to.

 

Who am I when everything I’ve always used to define myself is stripped away? I know I’m a child of God but to me that seems like such a nebulous concept that it’s really hard to grasp that and hold onto it.

I know quite a bit about the feeling you're describing! Some years ago (after about 13 years of touring, recording and writing) I hit a point of burn out where I was losing my voice due to stress. I felt spiritually and emotionally bankrupt. Some of my closest relationships were damaged to a dreadful degree. My dreams of marriage and a family seemed unreachable as every relationship ended in disappointment. I had placed a lot of my value in my ability to perform and give to others, both on and off stage. Both of these capabilities were seriously jeopardized when I found myself feeling like I had nothing left to give.
I began to see a counselor/mentor/life coach consistently. He taught me that I am a gift to others just by 'being' with them. He also allowed me to see that being vulnerable and weak before others can often be more of a gift than strength, as it allows them the freedom to be real. I had always thought that I had to be strong and together to give to others! I began to see people in my life being blessed by my honesty in my pain. I experienced increased community with others. They saw me clinging to God in the valley and that encouraged them to do the same.

- I know who God says I am, but when it feels like there are too many spinning plates for me to manage, my whole identity is shaken.

These are such great questions! I am a brand new mother...our baby girl is five months! Her name is Gemma Elena and she is such a delight! Motherhood has taught me many things, but one thing especially stands out.
Talk about spinning plates, motherhood means multi-tasking  on a whole new level! Sometimes I feel upset with myself that there's a learning curve as a mother. I want to get it right first try! In some ways I see that I've prided myself on being able to have it together. But sometimes as a mum, your baby is crying and you're not sure why and not sure what to do. In that moment I have to trust God and move forward the best way I know how. He is delighted when we cling to Him in our questions and weaknesses.
My identity cannot be found in the elusive pursuit of perfection. God loves me because I am His, in the same way that my husband and I love our little Gemma!


  - How can I best make myself available to God? I want my life to matter for Him. I say He can have it all but life just goes on as it did before.
When I was 13 years old I went on my very first tour. I remember opening night feeling incredibly inadequate and nervous. I literally got down on my face before God and asked Him to give me strength to go out there and sing. And He did! It was the unofficial beginning of my music ministry that night, and set the tone for years to come. Prayer became my anchor and strength because I knew I wasn't enough on my own.
Prayer is essential if we want intimacy with God and desire to see His power. I think surrendering the little things to God, as well as the big decisions and events, makes us most available for Him to use. It focuses our eyes on God and allows us to see opportunities for ministry all around us: in the way we love our family, the kindness we show to people at work and school, the compassion we offer to those who who are hurting. We can bloom where God plants us!

-  I’m struggling with trusting God and letting go of the control I actually don’t even have.

Oh wow. Girl do I freshly know about this! So often lately as I put Gemma in bed at night I am reminded of the control I don't have. When it comes to protecting her throughout her life I can only do so much! So I pray and I give her into God's hands knowing He knows every day of her life and every experience she will have already. It is hard letting go, especially of the things that we love or want the most. I remember struggling so much to surrender to God my desire to get married. And yet, He has always been faithful! I now have an amazing husband and a beautiful little girl..He is so good! I wrote a song years ago about this very concept and I'll close with this. May God give you strength to trust Him and His goodness in every area of your life!

'God it hurts to give you what I must lay down, but when I let go freedom's found.
God it hurts to give you what I've held so dear, but because of Your love it's clear
I can trust You with this,
I can trust You with me,
I can trust You.'
-taken from 'I Can Trust You' by Rebecca St. James

Thank you, Rebecca. And thank you, Cafe Nudgers. Your turn to nudge ME. What's our next topic? What would you bring up if we were sitting around a Starbucks table here in Lebanon?

Blessings,

Nancy Rue 

Some Help For Aspiring Writers

Mornin, ladies. Listen, I'd like to veer off the identity track this week and ask for your help with something. 

I'm off to Philadelphia today to teach at a writer's conference. I'm doing the Advanced Fiction Clinic, which means I've read the students' work ahead of time and have an idea what they're needing. Several of them are writing for the New Adult and adult audience, and I think it might be really helpful to them to hear from readers who are intelligent and interested in good literaure that goes deep.

So -- if you're willing, would you post a comment, written as if you're talking to an aspiring author, telling her (they're all men):

    * What you do NOT like in a novel. What bugs you-- keeps you from finishing it -- prevents you from recommending it -- makes you feel like you could do a WHOLE lot better yourself.

    * What you LOVE in a piece of fiction. What makes you laugh, cry, wish you knew the characters, want to go out and change something.   

If you'll be as specific as you can, that would be so helpful. I intend to read your comments in class and/or pass them along to individuals Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Thank you SO much.  I know this is going to rock.

Blessings,

Nancy Rue 

Who we are ...

Good morning and welcome to the Cafe. I'm sipping a cup of dark hot chocolate made with soy milk. Comfort beverage. I'm dealing with some serious stuff and the familiar taste of my own concoction sort of soothes the soul. Know what I mean?

Loved reading your comments since last week - and BTW, I think we're on the track we originally intended, don't you? As I was compiling questions from them for Rebecca St. James, who will be our first guest poster, I was really struck by the commonality of the comments. Everyone seems to be struggling with the concept of identity. "Who am I? What's my place in this world? I used to think it was this or that ... but so much has changed and this and that don't feel like me any more."

As I was thinking about the right questions to suggest so you can work with that, I went back to The Merciful Scar where protagonist Kirsten Petersen is wrestling with the same thing. Check out what Sister Frankie says to her in this passage:

    By then we'd reached the south pastrue and Frankie leaned her elbow on the gate and looked at me and said, "What did you learn just now?"

    (Nudnik) That you have ADD?

    I had no idea what she wanted to hear so I just said, "That you love plants?"

    (Nudnik) Why don't you just TELL her she was boring you out of your skull?

    "Perfect." Frankie touched me lightly on the arm, right above where I had just released my shame. "Now you need to discover what YOU love."

As I look back over my own life and the many stages when I had to regoup and think, "Who am I NOW?", I realize Sister Frankie is asking exactly the right question:

What do you love?

Because really ... who you are is what you love. God is love, John writes in his first letter (4:8). Pretty basic. So it follows that what we really, truly love is of God. And of God is who and what we are.

What do YOU love?

I personally love making lists and this question has nudged me to write down my answers to that question. Amazing what it reveals, especially if you include everything ...

What you love to do.

    What you love to think about.

What you love in other people.

What sparks the passion.

What you can get lost in for deep, pleasant hours.

What breaks your heart.

What do you say we give that a shot? See what it shows us about who we are? Mine is going on to two pages at this point, which is a statement in itself! I'm including everything from my husband's amazing rib eyes on the grill to the rush of getting an email that says, "Your book changed my life." From hanging out at the bookstore with my delightful granddaughter to sinking into the next John Green book.

Let us know if and how it goes, will you? Is it a useful exercise? What does it reveal? Would love to hear about that, or anything else you want to bring to the Cafe table. 

A Starbucks is opening here in Lebanon, Tennessee. How awesome would it be to gather there some Wednesday night and drink lattes and frappincinos and talk about life and God? That would be at the top of my list of things to love ...

Blessings,

Nancy Rue

 

Questions for Rebecca (St. James)

Hey, hey! I'm back at last and have loved your comments -- everything from wanting to be a "badass Christian" to admitting that as much as you want to trust God or live joyfully in the moment, it's flat-out hard to pull it off. We're going to go with that, which means a slight change in Cafe Nudge. We knew our growth as a community would be organic, and that's happening.

Here's the change. I originally set up Cafe Nudge for 18 to upper twenty-somethings who had outgrown the teen blog and needed something deeper. When I annoounced its launch on Facebook, a couple of thirty-somethings got excited and wanted to know if they could join us. In my own excitement, I said, "Why not?"

Um, I soon found out why not. Thirty-something is far different from 18, 19 and 20-something in terms of life concerns. While the thoughts of the older responders were great, they unintentionally made it less comfortable for recent teen blog grads to express themselves freely. Some of you that I contacted personally were honest enough to make that clear. 

So -- I've contacted our 30-ish commenters and explained the situation. They've of course been gracious about bowing out. Who better than someone who has recently left her 20's behind to understand that you need a place where you can relate to young women who are exactly where you are?

The pic I've posted above really says it. Katie, on the left, is in her early 20's (and she is my AWESOME publicist at Thomas Nelson Publishing). Me, I'm turning 63 in about two weeks. A.J, on the right, is in the second half of her thirties (and is the AMAZING marketing director for my anti-bullying books for tween girls.) They both rock and the three of us love hanging out together (preferably at Starbucks). But I'm a grandma and A.J. is the mother of two. As a young single professional, Katie loves us and learns from us, but she can't say to us, "Hey, what are y'all doing about this whole sex and dating thing?"Know what I mean?

All that to say, I'm trying to make sure Cafe Nudge is a safe, free place where you can honestly say what you know and want to know. It was tough to ask our thirty-ish sisters to leave us, but I felt like it was the best thing. Any thoughts on that?   

Speaking of what you WANT to know, my co-author and celebrated Christian music artist Rebecca St. James has agreed to do a guest post for us. When I told her she could write on anything she wanted, she of course turned that right around (which is so HER) and wanted to know what questions YOU have for her so she can address something timely and pressing.

So, please ... comment. If you could sit down for coffee with Rebecca what would you ask her about living the way you want to live, being able to actually trust God rather than just saying you do -- or anything else you want her to speak to? She's a remarkable person, so you're going to want to take advantage of this opportunity.

Of course, while you're actually sitting down with beverage of choice, tell us anything else you want to chat about. That'll help me with future posts -- and guest posters -- and you'll help each other.

Meanwhile, know this: you CAN have the life God's whispering to you. Because it's already in you ...

Blessings,

Nancy Rue                                 

       

See You Next Week!

Hi, Ladies! I'm out of town this week. Just signed books at the American Librarians Association convention in Las Vegas (now THAT was a trip!) and now I'm taking a short vacation to spend time with friends and family. See you here next week, but feel free to chat among yourselves ...

 

Blessings,

Nancy

WRIITNG IN THE MARGINS: How Do We Want To Live?

Good morning, ladies, and welcome back to Cafe Nudge. I'm already on my second cup of English breakfast (with soy milk). I'm not fully functional until this point, know what I mean?

I've been immersing myself in your novelettes -- uh, comments -- and I'm loving the depth and the honesty. I think maybe without even realizing it we've revealed tons about ourselves and the way we live. And about what we want:

    * deeper relationships, especially with other Christians

    * meaningful careers

    * an efficient way to get it all done

I'm looking at that and I'm thinking, wow, at 62 I have all those things (okay, maybe not so much the third one because I've discovered you CAN'T 'get it all done' ...). And yet a yearning is still there. That deep longing for something even deeper. You get what I'm saying?

That came to me about a year ago when my beloved agent and friend-like-a-brother was facing a brain cancer prognosis of two months left here with us. I got to spend three days with him and his wife (also a close friend), and it was one of the most profound experiences of my life. There was such openness and honesty and genuine expression of emotion, because what was the point in anything else at that point? Throughout those three days a  clear thought kept sweeping through my mind and dusting everything else out:

I want to live the way Lee Hough is dying.

It occured to me then, and has stayed with me ever since, that THAT is the real issue, the ultimate question: how do we want to live?

It has helped me - a person who can use fifty words when five would actually do the job -- to have that succinct way of expressing it. I want to live the way Lee Hough died. Can you do that? Can you use twenty-five words or less -- or a metaphor or simile -- or an image for the way you truly want to live?

Maybe a page from The Merciful Scar will help. This is a trial run for something I'm hoping will become a regular part of our blog-time -- a thing called Writing In the Margins. I'll provide a page from one of my books (yeah, please forgive the shameless product promotion ... my own stuff is what I know) and ask you to comment on whatever you would write in the margins if you were studying the book for more than what's-gonna-happen-next. You could think of it as what would I underline? I have no idea if this is going to work, but let's give it a shot, yeah?

 A little backstory for those who haven't read The Merciful Scar (and why the Sam Hill haven't you?). 

    * Kirsten (the narrator) has  self-injured for years and has accidentally cut her wrist deep enough to make doctors believe she's suicidal

* Her only real choice for treatment is with a former Anglican nun named Frankie who owns a sheep ranch. Go figure.

* The parts in italics are Kirsten's inner voice, what she refers to as the Nudnik.

Here we go:

 

 

  So .... share with us your brief image for how you want to live. And tell us what you would write in the margins, about your own life.

(And if this technique totally doesn't work for you, let me know that too. I'm already trying to figure out a way to make it easier to read ...)

Blessings, my friends --

 

Nancy

What are your life questions?

Mornin', ladies. I'm as excited as some of you seem to be about Cafe Nudge, so much so that it's hard for me not to post, like, every other day. One of the challenges for MY (Baby Boomer) generation is not to try to do ALL the things ALL the time. 

Yours, it seems are different.

SARAH ELIZABETH: Our culture as a whole has gotten so far away from a Biblical foundation and everything is starting to become grey rather than black and white.

JAMIE: It's not that there aren't other Christians. It's just that they don't want to go as deep.

CHRISTY: So many in the church seem to want to have the perfect "Christian" life, rather than a Christ-centered life.

PAIGE: While we are supposedly the most connected generation, we are also the loneliest.

SARAH: We are the generation of 'good enough.' I see the eyes-glazing-over effect when I talk about wanting to be more than the stereotypical lazy young person.

KATIE: I see that as part of a larger obsession with individuality and self-expression.  Rather than a girl's image being tied up in her family background, she is free to craft an individual identity for herself, largely because technology allows for separation from family and community.

What comes through to me in a huge way (does it to you too?) is that you don't see yourselves as part of that 'norm.' 

And yet, everyone in every 18 to 30 generation in modern history has the same life-goals, just by virtue of age and developmental stage. I did. Your parents did. You do. Here's how it was summed up by a group of students at my alma mater, Stetson University. As they see it, there are 4  questions to be answered in your next decade:

        * How do I define myself?

        * How am I going to make a living?

        * Who will I be with in this life?

        * What is my place in the world?

I'm not suggesting you answer those questions in a comment because if you KNEW the answers, you'd be, like 35 or 40, right? What I do think would be valuable is to address these things:

    1.  Are those your life-questions right now? Do you have more to add to the list? Are any of them irrelevant?

    2. What's happening in your life that's either helping you move toward answers?

    3. Has anything become an obstacle to finding those answers? 

Next week we'll take a page from The Merciful Scar and get Sister Frankie's take on this. In the meantime, let's hear yours. Got a cup of something?

 

Blessings,

Nancy Rue

 

New Women, New Community

Welcome to Cafe Nudge!

About a year ago I realized that some of the older teens on the In Real Life blog were outgrowing the issues we were talking about. Life was no longer about the same things, or at least not on the same level. Those of you who were there know you became mentors to the younger girls, which was great ... but you weren't being taken deep enough yourselves.

So a group of us tossed around some ideas for a new blog for the New Adult Woman -- in that time of life between 18 and 25-ish, and maybe older. Here's what you said:

    * You want to be able to integrate your spiritual lives into your everyday life "without it being churchy or preachy."

       * You'd love to see guest posts from real women, Sister Frankie types, that just speak truth into your lives.

    * You'd be happy with once or twice weekly posts from me or guests, which would give you time to respond to prompts and have conversations with each other. 

    * You like the idea of  "Writing In the Margins" or The Merciful Scar, Sarah's Choice, and the upcoming Once Last Thing. More on that later.

    * You want the opportunity to write guests posts and share your other writing and art.

I've spent several months praying and listening and gathering stuff in a huge basket that is now overflowing onto my office floor and ... I think we're ready to get started. To use the Home Depot commercial rhythm --

    Let's talk about the things that you're struggling with in these post-high school years. You know -- maybe the church and how it's not feeding you, frustration with your prayer life, what the Sam Hill to do about guys and relationships, how not to freak about the future and, for that matter, how to build a future. Let's get into everything from body image to spiritual douts. And let's let the topics arise from your comments, your needs. 

     Let's see how this whole Christian thing can be the foundation for that in real, deep, concrete ways.

    Let's make this a community where, just as on the younger blogs where you may have grown up with me, you'll feel safe to say whatever you need to say without fear of criticism or judgmental comments.

    Let's hear what women ahead of you have that can speak into your lives.  And let's speak to each other with our own creativity and depth of expression.

    Let's drink coffee and tea and smoothies while we figure out just what it means to you to be a New Woman -- and how that shapes your place in the world.

    And along the way, let's heed the God-nudges and talk about them and follow them and share the results.

I'll always end a post with suggestions in orange for you to comment on, although you can always write about wherever that takes you. We won't be as firm about sticking to the topic -- you can totally handle some digression, yes?

In that same vein, feel free to share with us books you've read that you think might be life-changing, music that carries you through, links to blogs and websites you think your sisters here could benefit from. Again, you're adults and I don't need to filter everything. 

I'm thinking we'll start with every-Wednesday posts from me and then I'll publish your guest posts and those from other women as they come up. Sound good? If you want more, let me know.

You'll show me the way, I know that. Let's start here this week ...

    * How does Cafe Nudge sound to you so far? Any suggestions? Things you can already see might not work? Are you in?

    * How would you describe your generation? How do you see yourself fitting into it -- or not fitting in?

Get yourself a latte (or some variation!) and tell us what you think and how you feel. I'm going to go whip one up myself.

 

Blessings,

Nancy Rue