David Dye's Blog, page 39

Leading for All of Us with Dr. Christopher Gilbert

Leading with an ethical compass may seem to be challenging in this time of deepening divisions and “alternative facts”, trust and authenticity grow more precious by the hour. More and more people find themselves driven to overcome the personal, professional, and social pressures of ignoring what is right in favor of what passes for ‘success.’ But what people want is truth in their decisions, authenticity in their relationships, and solid ground for making tough, ethical choices in business and life.

In this episode, Chris Gilbert, Ph.D. gives you the tools individually and collectively to achieve what he calls moral progress and bring better ethics into your organization, your family, and your communities.

 

 

Leading for All of Us

7:44

The greatest ethical gaps are where people’s words don’t agree with their actions. Finding the noble edge is that place where our words and our deeds actually agree.

 

07:45

How to connect people you’re leading to the choice-making they are doing.

 

09:26

There’s no right way to do the wrong thing.

 

10:29

Making money is a great thing. The questions you have to ask are how do we make it and what do we do with it?

 

11:24

Ethics are not something you say it’s something you do. It’s the living it out.

 

12:52

Research showed those that who are trained in Ethics are actually making lower-level moral choices than those that haven’t been trained.

 

14:43

Changing the conversation to be aware of different frameworks to support unethical decisions and why when leading it’s so important to avoid these.

 

19:54

How can we change the way that we think and shift from seeing ethics as something beyond us to simply seeing ethics as guard rails on a bridge, always there, protecting us on our journey, and a privilege?

 

22:21

What are the three steps on the moral ladder?

 

25:52

Leading with long-term thinking in business ethics and the data on ethical companies outperforming unethical companies by 25%.

 

37:01

Teaching companies to educate and build processes and systems where ethics become an innate part of the process of making a choice.

 

 

Connect with Christopher Gilbert

LinkedIn

Website

Get The Book

 

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How to Stop Being Perceived as Negative at Work

When your responses are perceived as negative it’s time to change your approach

“Don’t be so negative” can be incredibly frustrating feedback to receive when you’re genuinely trying to help and don’t want to be perceived as negative.

Or as one manager told me when she is perceived as negative, “It’s not that I’m negative, it’s just that I care so F-ing much!”

It’s heartbreaking to talk to well-meaning employees, who care deeply about the business, and whose ideas are being ignored and perceived as negative because of the way they communicate their concerns.

One of the big culprits that leads to a negative Eeyore leadership style, is HOW YOU RESPOND TO IDEAS.

How you respond to ideas will influence how you’re perceived

 

Imagine this. You’re in a leadership meeting, and your boss proposes an idea that sounds great IN THEORY. But you’re closer to the situation and you can easily see 3 major obstacles to executing that plan.

What do you do?

You might say something like, “I see a couple of challenges here…” and then list them.

Are you wrong?

Of course, you might be right. And that you want to save the business time and money. the team’s welfare. Your concern is legit.

You care. You’re correct. And yet, you’re called negative. Why? It could be you’re getting to the problems too quickly.

Your “get things done” crowd, the roadblocks are frustrating—they want to see action.If you’re talking to an “idea person”, they want to explore and build on ideas, not have their creativity and energy crushed before their ideas can breathe.And for relationship people, jumping straight to problems feels harsh and disrespectful.

Roadblocks…crushed…harsh…disrespectful. What do all these words have in common?

They are negative. And this is why you might be perceived as negative.

And that’s why your supervisor or colleagues think you’re being negative when you attempt to help by heading off problems, assuming you’re always correct in your analysis. Which of course, is unlikely.

If you’re perceived as negative, try this…

David Dye offers up some solutions in his article How to be Less Negative and Still be Yourself. He explains the first step is to Affirm the Idea…find something interesting, fun or positive about the idea and say that first. It always feels good to hear positive feedback first.

Step two? Package your concerns as solutions or opportunities. What do you have to offer that can empower what’s good about the idea and provide or clarify a path to success?

And step three…Take responsibility for your own state of mind and tone when you respond. To avoid coming across negative, make sure you are in a positive state of mind and if that’s difficult in that moment, pause. Perhaps you can ask your colleague if you can discuss their idea another time.

What would YOU ADD? How do you help a team member who is perceived as negative?

See also:

Why Your Team Can’t Innovate When You Want Ideas and Try to Help

How to Overcome Negative Perceptions for a Better Leadership Brand

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Communicating to Executives: How to Get Better at Capturing Their Attention

Capture Their Attention with a Message so Appealing
They Put Down Their Phones and Listen

“Karin, I’ve got to tell you. The executives at my company are so busy and distracted. There are just so many things going on. I find it really, really difficult to have an engaging powerful conversation to capture their attention. And I have SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAY. What should I do #askingforafriend

In today’s quick Asking for a Friend from the road (less than 3 minutes) from Gettysburg, PA, I share three PRACTICAL tips for communicating with executives and grabbing their attention for your important message.

Resources for Compassionate ConversationsThree Tips for Communicating to Executives1. Capture their attention with a powerful opening line

When communicating to executives one important secret is to start with aPOWERFUL opening line. The idea is to have the first words that leave your lips be so compelling, that they will put down their phones and really pay attention to you. This is the “I- Interesting” starting point of our Courageous Cultures I.D.E.A. model (read more about specific techniques to share your ideas here.

For example, you might say…

“I have an idea that’s going to say us $37,000.”or “I have an idea that’s going to improve our productivity by 15% in the next six months.

It’s not as easy as it seems. Even when we teach this in our executive development programs (and remind people 15 minutes before pitching an idea to the senior team in one of our Idea Challenges), there’s always some group, that takes the first few minutes thanking everyone for their time (“After all, we know how busy. you are”), introducing all the team members, or talking about how challenging the process was an all the options they’ve considered.

2. Keep it Brief

Consider your most important points and practice saying them concisely. I encourage you to write these down, in case you get interrupted or have less time than you anticipated. Make every word count.

You can also anticipate questions and integrate the answers into your message. For example, you might say something like, “you may be wondering if the team has the bandwidth for this right now. I was concerned about that too, so I checked with the team, and they’re all on board to get this done by June 1st.

3. Create a Leave Behind

When communicating to executives, it can be so tempting to tell them all the things. After all, you’ve worked so hard and you know so much. One of the best ways to leave them knowing what you want them to know, and keeping it brief, is to “leave behind” with all the additional information and offer a follow-up meeting for anyone interested in learning more (or coming back for a part 2, now that you have their attention.

I share more details here in this article on Presenting to Executives.

So, here are 3 of my top tips to help you communicate better to executives. What would add as #4?

Executive Presence in a Virtual World: What Matters Now

 

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Give Everyone a Chance to Speak and Be Heard at Work

Use these powerful phrases to ensure every voice can be heard at work

As all of us strive to create a more human-centered and inclusive workplace where everyone can feel comfortable being who they are, leaders have a unique opportunity to help voices be heard at work.

Whether you’re in a formal leadership position or are participating on a committee, in a meeting, or on a project team, you have a role to play. You can help everyone have a chance to speak and be heard at work, whether you’re in charge of that scenario or not.

When every voice is heard your team will make better decisions, you’ll surface and solve problems earlier, you build engagement, ownership, and productivity. These scenario-specific powerful phrases will help you build an inclusive and effective culture. Here are phrases to use during:

Idea GenerationGroup Discussions when People are QuietGroup Discussions when People are IgnoredDecision-Making with Missing StakeholdersDecision-Making with Unclear OwnershipWhere Does the Silence Come From?

Even with good intentions, it’s easy for teams to ignore, speak over, or inadvertently silence some people.

Energetic extroverts can get rolling and make it hard for the quieter folks to find an entry into the conversation.

Knowledgeable, passionate introverts who start talking can turn into steamrollers when they’re enthusiastic. People turn to the known subject matter experts or, lacking experts, the team members who have the loudest opinions.

Then there are the societal dynamics that affect teams and organizations. In the United States, women can be interrupted more often than men. People of color, members of the LGBTQ+ community, and people with disabilities may not be asked for their input or listened to at the same level as others.

In global teams, people from the company’s home country can have more of a voice than others. Lower socio-economic groups, less expressive cultures, or members of a recently acquired company can all face hurdles to be heard.

And these all-too-human tendencies don’t include more overt discrimination and favoritism.

It takes work to overcome these barriers to collaboration, trust, and effective teamwork and give everyone a chance to speak and be heard. And, this is something you can do whether you’re leading a group directly or as a member of a team. The first step is to cultivate awareness of everyone’s voice. Once you do, then it’s time to use your voice to help everyone be heard at work.

Powerful Phrases to Give Everyone a Chance to Speak and Be Heard at Work

There are several scenarios that can lead to unheard voices. Choose an approach that’s appropriate for the situation you’re in.

Scenario: Idea generation

During traditional brainstorming exercises, it is common for those with the most positional authority or passion for the topic to dominate the conversation. To get everyone’s voice into the mix, you can use a two-step process of silent writing first, then randomize the ideas, and the group shares them.

In an in-person setting, you might do this with note cards or sticky notes. In an online setting, you can use a shared form, document, or whiteboard. Once the ideas are in the room, then you can build on them.

If your group hasn’t done something like this before, here are some phrases you can use to introduce the subject:

“I’m curious if we can try a new technique here?”“I’ve come across this way to generate more ideas, more quickly – can we give it a try?”“I think we’ve got an opportunity here to level up our brainstorming, would you be open to use it?”Scenario: Group Discussion with Quiet Participants

During a discussion, you notice that some members of the group aren’t speaking or sharing their thoughts. Or, they’ve tried, but are being talked over. Here are phrases to address these situations and call your colleagues into the conversation.

“I noticed that Diane was starting to say something…Diane, what were your thoughts?”“Dillon, we haven’t heard from you on this topic. I’d love to know what you think about how it will…”“Germaine, you have some experience with this, I’m curious what you think?”“Vivian, as you’ve been listening to this conversation, what’s coming up for you?”“Anish and Paula, how do you see it?”

These phrases give people an opportunity to contribute. They may not feel that they have something meaningful or worthwhile to share. When that happens, it’s okay. They know you invited them into the conversation. However, if that voluntary silence happens regularly, on a range of topics, it’s worth checking in individually to see if there are factors preventing them from engaging and make sure they can be heard at work.

Scenario: Group Discussion—People Ignored or Co-opted

In energetic or heated conversations, some people may speak, but have their ideas ignored or claimed by others. While effective teams build on one another’s ideas and everyone contributes selflessly, this requires an atmosphere of trust and respect. If that environment of trust and respect doesn’t yet exist, you can help. These phrases help build a culture of trust and respect for people’s ideas:

“We interrupted you, please, will you finish your thought?”“Before we continue, I want to make sure we acknowledge [person] for that perspective. That was very helpful to move our conversation forward.”“We didn’t allow [person] to finish. I know we’re excited – and we need to make sure we’re getting everyone’s best thinking into the room.”Scenario: Decisions—Missing Stakeholders

When people make decisions at work, important stakeholders can be left out of discussions. Hopefully, they weren’t consciously excluded. More often, people are absorbed in their usual way of doing things and didn’t think about who else would have a meaningful perspective on the decision.

Here are phrases you can use to give missing stakeholders a chance to speak and be heard:

“This decision will affect [group], have we got their input yet?”“This will require significant time and people from [group], do we know their capacity right now?”“It looks like we don’t know how [group] will view this. Who can we ask to make sure this works for them too?”“To make the best decision here, we need input from [group]. Who can we ask for their perspective?”Scenario: Decisions—Who Owns the Decision?

Another common challenge in decision-making that limits collaboration and prevents people from being heard is a lack of clarity regarding who owns the decision.

When the owner of the decision isn’t clear, people get frustrated and shut down. If you’ve ever heard someone say “I don’t know why you ask our opinion, you’re just going to do what you want anyway,” this is either a lack of clarity about who owns the decision (or an insincere request for input).

There are three common decision owners at work: a single person, a team via vote, or a team consensus. If you aren’t clear about who owns a decision, here are phrases to help clarify the owner and how everyone can best participate:

“I’m unclear how this decision will be made. Are we voting? Using consensus? Or will you make the call on this one?”“Are you looking for a majority rule here or would you prefer a choice everyone can live with?”“It seems to me that we are not the ones making this decision. Is that right? And, if so, is it our role to make a recommendation to the person or group that will make the decision?” Your Turn

Your team, department, and organization will make better-informed decisions, solve problems faster, and be more innovative when everyone has a chance to speak and be heard at work. Even better, you’ve built a culture where everyone can show up as themself, be comfortable, and contribute their best.

Whether you’re leading the conversation or participating in a group, you can increase collaboration and ensure the contribution of every voice by using these eighteen phrases.

You may like:

12 Powerful Phrases to Help You Navigate Challenging Workplace ConflictHow to Say No at Work: Powerful Phrases to Stand Your GroundRecognition Power Words: The Phrases that Mean the MostPsychological Safety: Why People Don’t Speak Up at WorkHow to Draw Out Your Team’s Best Ideas

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Obsessed for Good with Amy Pyles

Obsessed for good surfaced naturally as a truth for how this organization operates and it has remained their mantra since. In this episode, David talks with Amy Pyles, President of Saxum, about what obsessed for good means for their company and the five pillars they use to guide clients as well as themselves.

Obsessed for Good

01:17

What is the deeper meaning of the motto, obsessed for Good?

 

05:59

Is the work we’re doing in alignment with our tenants of obsessed for good and how does it match up internally?

 

07:47

The five tenants of Obsessed for Good are used with clients but also in our own business.

 

08:43

How to balance taking a stand on things that matter in a way that unites and doesn’t divide people.

 

12:16

Building bridges between companies or foundations that are investing in an area so that whatever is done is done together.

 

17:55

What are a few ways to be an uniter, not a divider, and how can we commit to that principle?

 

28:47

Know the human being who you’re leading because people have different needs.

 

31:34

You can have boundaries while still delivering on expectations. Those are not mutually exclusive.

 

34:09

Do you have approaches that you have found in your leadership to maintain a, let’s call it human-friendly, emotional, physically healthy, and mentally healthy workplace?

 

37:34

Amy’s goal of focusing on whose leadership she is impacting and how am to help others achieve their potential.

 

 

Connect with Amy

LinkedIn

Website

 

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Advanced Guide to Lead Meetings That Get Results and People Want to Attend

Effective leaders hold meetings that get results and people want to attend

Horrible meetings are a cliché of the business world and with good reason. Too many meetings are a waste of time and don’t accomplish anything. Minutes creep along while the meeting leader fritters away everyone’s time, people have meaningless conversations that don’t solve problems, and everyone is frustrated that they could be doing something more productive with their time. If the meeting happens online, people multitask (or wish they could).

When you don’t run meetings well, not only do your results suffer, so does your credibility.

But bad meetings, while a cliché, aren’t inevitable. In fact, we maintain that people don’t hate meetings. They hate bad meetings – those soul-sucking wastes of time. There are six ways you can ensure your meetings are effective and energizing:

Don’t Waste Their TimeKnow Your OutcomesGet the Right People in the “Room”Clarify IntentClarify Who Owns the DecisionTurn Meetings into ResultsSix Advanced Techniques to Lead Meetings That Get Results and People Want to Attend1. Don’t Waste Their Time

Let’s begin with one of the biggest reasons people hate meetings. They abuse our most precious resource: time.

Effective leaders treat everyone’s time as a precious resource. Starting and ending on time is a basic meeting skill – when you carelessly let meetings run long or start late, or have a meeting you never should have called, you disrespect your people.

The advanced technique to avoid wasting people’s time is to hold meetings only when they are the most valuable use of all the attendees’ time. If there is something employees could do that is more valuable, that contributes more directly to the team and to the results you’re trying to accomplish, why on earth would you want them in your meeting where they are less productive?

2. Know Your Outcomes (Relationships and Results)

So how do you make sure a meeting is a good use of time?

Start with purpose. What outcome will this meeting achieve? How will it help the people who attend to achieve results and build relationships?

Outcome: Results

Your meetings should also move the mission of your group, team, and organization forward. In short, meetings should produce action. You got together to solve a problem, make a decision, or share information, and when the meeting ends, it’s time to do something. If your meetings don’t result in clear action, you’ve wasted your time.

Outcome: Relationships

Business results often take center stage, but relationships are also a critical outcome of effective meetings – especially for teams who work virtually or in a hybrid environment.

Teams require trust, and that’s built only through time spent together, solving problems, making decisions, and learning how everyone operates, sees the world, and shares information. In addition to the connections built through working together and solving problems, you can also include periodic conversations that build relationships, such as:

Cultural conversations to problem solve or celebrate: for example, “What’s really getting in the way of people using our new system?” or, “What have you seen another member do well over the last month?”Elephant-in-the-room conversations: for example, “What are the conversations we’re not having that we should be having?”Mutual-help conversations: for example, “Let’s talk about how we’re working with other departments. What’s working well? Where do we have challenges?” Give people a chance to share and help one another.

These conversations can happen quickly and be a rich source of positive relationships and results as your people learn to trust each other and help one another.

Effective teams meet frequently. You want to be certain the meetings you hold are effective and that they are the best use of every attendee’s time. This will happen when you focus every meeting to build relationships and achieve results. If your meeting isn’t going to build relationships and advance the mission of the organization, don’t have the meeting.

3. Get the Right People In the “Room”

Who should attend a meeting?

You want the smallest number of stakeholders that will allow you to make the best decision. Think about the number of people in your meeting as a continuum. On one end, you could hold the meeting with just yourself. It might look funny, but you could sit there by yourself, examine what you know, make a decision, and then share the decision with everyone else.

On the other end of the continuum, you could have everyone—every single person in the organization—attend a meeting. If you have a 50-person organization, all 50 of them would attend, and that would be unwieldy, but if you work in a 10,000-person organization, it would be impossible.

So, the question is, what is the smallest number of people who can attend but still provide you with good, diverse, and informed input from those who have a stake in the decision?

Where most leaders go wrong is that they invite too many people who have the same perspective and fail to invite key representatives with different vantage points who might help them make a better decision if they had input – particularly people affected by the decision.

Remember, the goal of most meetings is to take action. When you take people away from their normal work, you do it so that all of you together can make a better decision than you would have done on your own. You’ll waste everyone’s time if you don’t invite the necessary people to the meeting.

4. Clarify the Intent

What kind of meeting are you leading?

There are several types of meetings, but we’re going to focus on the two most common ones.

The first type is the informational meeting.

These are short meetings to exchange information. The key to an informational meeting is that there is an exchange of information (not just information going in one direction).

It’s not you pulling people together because it’s more convenient for you.

Remember, the meeting needs to be the most valuable use of their time as well. This can happen if there is an honest exchange, an opportunity to ask questions, and interaction around the information being shared, and the meeting is brief.

The second type of meeting exists to make decisions and act.

Most of your meetings should fall into this category. They can be anywhere from 15 minutes to two hours long and feature a specific decision to make or a problem to solve (a problem is just a specific kind of decision).

The key to making meetings work for you and your team is to be very clear about what kind of meeting you’ve called. When you mix up an information exchange with decision-making, it frustrates everyone.

If you want to solve a specific problem, don’t allow a team member to turn the meeting into a briefing on her latest project unless it specifically helps the group solve the problem at hand. Stay focused on the specific objectives for the meeting you’re leading.

5. Clarify Who Owns the Decision

“This is so stupid—you asked for my opinion and then ignored it. I don’t know why I even bother! From now on, I’m just going to shut my mouth and do my work.”

If you’ve heard this or said it yourself, you’ve experienced a lack of clarity around decision ownership.

People hate feeling ignored. Unfortunately, when you ask for input and appear to ignore it, employees feel frustrated, devalued, and powerless. In contrast, when you are clear about who owns the decision and how it will be made, people will readily contribute and are far more likely to own the outcome.

This isn’t difficult to do because there are only four ways to make a decision:

A single person makes the decision.

Typically, this would be the manager or someone she appoints. In this style of decision-making, you might ask your team for input and let them know that after hearing everyone’s perspective, you will make the decision.

A group makes the decision through a vote.

This might be a 50-percent-plus-one majority or a two-thirds majority, but in any case, it’s a decision by vote. With this option, you ask everyone to contribute input, and they know that the decision will be made by a vote at a specific time.

A team makes the decision through consensus.

Consensus is often misunderstood. Consensus decision-making means that the group continues discussion until everyone can live with a decision. It does not mean everyone got his or her first choice, but that everyone can live with the final decision. Consensus decision-making can take more time and often increases everyone’s ownership of the final decision.

Let fate decide.

Though it’s rarely used in business settings, you can flip a coin, roll the dice, or draw from a hat. When time is of the essence, the stakes are low, and pro-con lists are evenly matched, it’s often good to just pick an option and go. For example, if you have 45 minutes for a team lunch, it doesn’t make any sense to spend 30 minutes discussing options. Narrow it down to a few places, flip a coin, and go.

Each way of deciding has advantages, but what’s most important is to be very clear about who owns the decision.

The person who said, “You asked for my opinion and then ignored it. I don’t know why I even bother!” was under the impression that the team would decide by vote or consensus when in reality it was the leader’s decision. This type of confusion wastes tons of precious time and energy.

Instead, before the discussion begins, state how the decision will be made.

Be specific. For example, you might begin a decision-making session by saying, “Okay, I’d like to spend the next 40 minutes getting everyone’s input, and then I’ll make the decision.” Or, you might describe the decision to be made and say, “We’re not going to move forward until everyone can live with the decision.”

You might even combine methods and say, “We will discuss this decision for 30 minutes. If we can come to a consensus by then, that would be great. If not, we’ll give it another 15 minutes. After that, if we don’t have consensus, I’ll take a final round of feedback and I’ll choose, or we’ll vote.”

You’ll avoid wasted energy, energize, and empower your people to be more influential because when they know who owns the decision, they also know how to share their information. Do they need to persuade the single decision maker, a majority, or the entire team? They can choose their most relevant information and arguments.

6. Turn Meetings into Results

Does this scenario sound familiar? You went to a meeting where you had invigorating discussions, examined alternatives, and came up with a cool plan of action; everyone left the meeting feeling motivated, and then six weeks later you got back together. As everyone entered the room and took their seat, there were sideways glances.

“Did you do that thing we talked about?”

“No, how about you?”

A quick shake of the head and you realized that the great idea everyone talked about had languished.

The prior meeting, the discussions, the new meeting—all of it— were a waste because nothing happened. In fact, it’s worse than doing nothing because now you’ve created negative energy, that feeling that, “It doesn’t matter what we talk about because nothing really changes around here.”

Every meeting you hold should produce activities that move results forward, build momentum, and build morale with healthy relationships. You can achieve all this in just five minutes at the end of every meeting.

Let’s begin with mindset. We invite you to think about meetings as commitment creators. In other words, the outcome for every decision-making or problem-solving meeting you ever have is to create commitment.

You get the right people together to discuss the problem, you make a decision, and people commit to doing something. The product of a good meeting is a commitment to activity. You build this commitment with three questions to schedule the finish.

Commitment 1: Who Will Do What?

Until someone actually does something, nothing has changed from before you made the decision. Until then, it is just a nice idea.

Every task needs a specific person who is responsible to complete it. For smaller decisions, there might be only one or two answers to this question. For larger, strategic initiatives you might have an entire work plan that outlines dozens of tasks and people responsible.

Commitment 2: By When?

This one is straightforward. What is the finish line for the tasks people have agreed to complete? When these deadlines are shared and publicly available, everyone is more likely to meet them.

Commitment 3: How Will We Know?

Pablo shrugged, “Linda, I did those updates. I don’t see why you’re so upset.”

Linda’s team had decided to launch a new product that involved many moving parts. They had clearly answered the first two questions: Who does what and by when? For the most part, everyone kept to their commitments, and yet the delivery date kept slipping.

When Linda investigated, she discovered that individuals had done what they’d said they would do, but there was still something missing. Linda and other team members couldn’t always take the next step until another person had finished her piece. Pablo had finished his piece but never let anyone else know. He had moved onto other work, diligently crossing items off his to-do list while the overall project sat idle.

In big projects you may have a project manager or a project management tool to ensure that this type of next-step communication happens, but what about in your more ordinary, day-to-day meetings? Where is the accountability?

“How will we know?” is the magic question that moves your meeting from good intentions to action and results. It’s also the one that leaders most frequently ignore.

“How will we know?” closes the loop from intention to action and creates momentum without you having to spend hours every day tracking down action steps.

Here’s how it works: When someone completes a task, what do they do next?

Will they pass the results to another person or group?Should they update the team and let them know?Will they make a presentation of his findings?Do they report completion in a common area or software?

The specific answers depend on the task and project. What matters is that the accountability and next step are baked into the decision. Everyone knows what they are accountable to do, the team knows if it’s been completed, and no one is left waiting around for the information she needs.

Don’t let the simplicity of these questions fool you into not using them. We’ve seen thousands of managers struggle and get frustrated because they didn’t ensure this kind of clarity at the end of every meeting. These are the most important five minutes you’ll spend to make your meetings achieve results.

Your Turn

These six strategies go beyond traditional (and true) meeting advice to have an agenda or start and end on time. Use these techniques to ensure you lead meetings that get results and people want to attend.

We’d love to hear from you – what is your number one way to ensure a meeting is productive and energizing?

 

You Might Also Like:Leading Remote Teams Resource CenterLeadership Skills: 6 Competencies You Can’t Lead Without101 Remote Team Communication Approaches for Stronger Teams6 Habits of Highly Successful Virtual and Hybrid Teams

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How to Be a Less Negative Leader

Have you ever heard that you’re negative, or have you worked with someone who you thought was too negative? When your team thinks of you as a negative person, you’re less likely to be invited to conversations where you would have valuable contributions to make. You’re less likely to receive recognition for your work and your odds of promotion go down if you often hear that you’re too negative. Learning how to be a less negative leader is a critical skill to master and fast.

 

 

How to be a less negative leader

Hey, it’s David and you’re listening to leadership without losing your soul. Your source for practical leadership, inspiration, tools, and strategies you can use to achieve transformational results without sacrificing your humanity or your mind in the process. Welcome to the show, hope you’re enjoying Season 12. Today we’re talking about learning how to be a less negative leader and you know, often it’s a frustration for people when they feel like people are telling them they’re negative because they don’t necessarily feel negative.

 

And how do I know? Because I have lived this, it’s something I have dealt with my entire life in a way my personality works, a way of showing up. And if you ever have that happen, if you hear that you’re too negative, that might not feel fair. I think about Eeyore in the hundred-acre woods, he was still invited to all the goings on and he was appreciated for his loyalty. But unless you have Winnie the Pooh and Tigger on your team, shifting that perception of negativity will help you have more influence and help you to contribute your expertise.

 

Now I want to note, I’m not talking about mental health challenges or if you struggle with severe depression or things like that. That’s not what we’re talking about. And if you do lots of compassion for you. I have dealt with those things myself in my life and encourage and invite you to get therapy and do the things you need to do to take care of yourself. What we’re talking about here is a different thing. We’re talking about how we’re interacting with our colleagues and how we’re responding to ideas and things like that. And so in this context, the good news is that there are easy shifts you can do to make sure that you’re not coming across negatively. It’s not about changing your personality. It’s not about changing who you are. These are shifts that will help to bring your best qualities to every team and every conversation.

 

Don’t be so negative can be incredibly frustrating feedback, especially when you don’t think of yourself as negative. As I said, I know because I’ve heard this feedback before in my career and relationships. What makes it so frustrating is that in almost every one of those circumstances, I wouldn’t have told you I was being negative. Most of the time from my perspective, I was engaging with an idea or answering questions I thought I’d been asked, or trying to prevent problems. But the reality is, Marshall Goldsmith said in one of our episodes a season or two ago that in leadership, it doesn’t matter what we said, all that matters is what they think they heard.

 

One of the most common reasons people get a negative label is because of how they respond to ideas. See if this sounds familiar. During the leadership meeting, your boss proposes an idea that has a shiny, attractive quality. Let’s say they want to hire a contractor because it looks like it’ll save money, save time, or solve a problem. You hear their idea and immediately you see three critical problems. One, the person they want to bring in doesn’t have experience with a critical function. Two the initial cost is lower. Managing the contractor, and bringing them up to speed will cost more time and money, plus any extension of the contract would cost more money than the current situation. And three, the function’s mission critical. The contractor has no redundancy. If they get sick, the team’s out of luck or you’ll all have to work harder to make up the difference. Now, what do you do? Well, if you’re often labeled as negative, you probably say something like I see a couple of challenges here, and then you list them. Are you wrong?

 

No, you might be right, but let’s assume you’re 100% correct in your analysis and you care about the outcomes, the team’s welfare, and saving the business time and money. You’re justifiably concerned about the future of the team, the business, and your customers. You care. You are correct, and yet you’re called negative. Why? The problem is that for many personality types, jumping straight to problems and challenges isn’t effective. It just doesn’t work for them. For the get-things-done crowd, the roadblocks are frustrating. They want to see action. And so when you raise the issues, they’re frustrated with the idea. People want to explore and build on ideas and not have their creativity and energy crushed before their idea can breathe. And for relationship people, jumping straight into problems feels harsh and disrespectful. Roadblocks crushed, harsh, disrespectful. What do all those words have in common? Yeah, they’re negative. And that’s how your supervisor or colleagues will perceive your attempts to head off problems. At least many times that will be the case assuming you’re always correct in your analysis, which of course you’re probably not.

 

So how can you be less negative? There are three easy shifts. The problem isn’t your analysis. The team needs you to help think through those ideas and ensure the solutions that you implement together are as sound as they can be. So here are three shifts you can make in how you respond to ideas that will help you have more influence.

 

First, affirm. This step will help people feel heard, the idea people will feel heard and the relationship people will feel connected. Find something interesting, fun, or positive about the idea and say that first. For example, you might say that’s a creative way of looking at this. A third party could bring a fresh perspective. Wow, that’s interesting. I hadn’t thought of it that way. I appreciate you thinking about how we can save money here. One time we worked with a very literal-minded engineer who had a reputation as a caustic teammate. And as he was working to first affirm, his starting effort was, oh, that’s an idea. It wasn’t much, but it was as much of an affirmation as he could muster up when he was confronted with what he saw as wrong-headed thinking. But his team still appreciated the effort and knew he was trying.

 

The second shift is to present problems as solutions. And this step is critical. You still will share your challenges or concerns, but instead of stating them as problems, package them as solutions or opportunities. For example, you can say, that’s a great idea, here are three things we can do to make sure it succeeds. First, let’s ensure the contractor has experience in this technology. Then if we can find someone at his price point or at this price point without an extension penalty who has a team to back them up this could really work. Presenting your analysis as ways to make this work is magical. First, people’s perception totally shifts. Your concerns don’t come across as obstacles. You’re contributing to the idea of success. And second, when people hear what it will take to make their idea work, they’ll form their own conclusions about viability. They may propose follow-up solutions, or you’ll hear them say something like, that’s a good point, I don’t think this is the best idea. I’ll keep looking. You didn’t negate their idea. You supported it in a way where they could do their own analysis.

 

And the third shift is to take your temperature. This is about managing yourself. When I’m tired, frustrated, or feeling overwhelmed, have lots of problems competing for my attention and someone presents an idea, I am most likely to forget steps one and two. I may do them, but my tone is tired, whining, or negative. So if you find yourself in a conversation about ideas, and it’s one where you would typically be told you’re negative, pause and take your temperature. How do you feel if you’re tired, frustrated, or tied in knots with other issues can you pause the conversation and not respond right away? Again, some language you might use. I appreciate you bringing this up, and I am exhausted from trying to solve three things at once right now. I wanna make sure I give your idea the positive attention it deserves. Can we talk about this tomorrow morning? Most people will appreciate that you cared enough to be honest and valued their suggestion enough that you wanted to give it a proper hearing. Sometimes they’ll leave and say, oh, it’s okay. I was just brainstorming. It can wait. Taking responsibility for your state of mind and tone when you respond will help you avoid the times you’re most likely to come across as negative. This isn’t about changing who you are. You’re choosing to be your most effective self with other people.

 

And again I want to reiterate talking about mental health, these suggestions are about how to be less negative if you’re otherwise feeling healthy and constructive. They’re not intended to address depression or other mental health challenges. If you find yourself in a consistent state of negative thinking where everything feels dark, gloomy, or hopeless, be kind to yourself and talk with a counselor or mental health professional just as you talk a dentist, if you had a persistent toothache.

 

When you care about success and you want the best for your team, but that passion comes across as negative, these three shifts can help affirm the idea, present problems as solutions, and finally, take your temperature, take responsibility for your own state of mind when you’re responding. They’ve helped me and they’ve helped many of the leaders we work with to have more influence and build better ideas with teammates. So use those three shifts so you’re not coming across as so negative and people are getting the full benefit of everything you are bringing to the team and be the leader you’d want your boss to be.

 

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How to Establish Trust and Connection With Coworkers in a Remote Team

Get Proactive to Establish Trust and Connection with Your Remote Coworkers

I keep hearing from employees who joined their company or started with a new team during the pandemic. Many of these workers remain part of a remote team and have NEVER been in the SAME ROOM with their manager or co-workers.

The common concern is that it’s been harder to build trust and connection. Sometimes it’s hard to have difficult conversations in the remote team because “everyone else seems just fine.” It’s tricky to read the virtual room and gauge interest, concern, and motivation when everyone is a square on the screen (or their cameras are switched off!). Workers might be less likely to bring up their questions or address communication concerns.

Today I share some quick tips on how to jump-start this conversation with your peers, build connections one person at a time, and share your I.D.E.A.s for better communication and better results. I observe that connected and engaged teams will ask questions to innovate and address concerns to improve outcomes.

Quick Tips to Jumpstart Conversation in a Remote Team

Resources for Compassionate Conversations

I also want to share with you some tools for compassionate conversation starters. These work great in virtual one-on-ones or to open remote team meetings. Here’s just a few, and you can also download the PDF with even more ideas and details…

Some of the people most important in my life are __________Who on this team was particularly helpful to you this year? Why?Some of the people most important in my life are __________

Or after a tough year, ask

As you reflect on the turbulence of this past year, what makes you proud?

Read this article about the proven connection between employee connection and trust at work and engagement which can really be lacking in a remote team. You’ll glean additional tips about asking for what you need without appearing needy.

What would you add? What is one of your best practices for nurturing trust and connection in remote teams? Or, for onboarding new team members to a team that doesn’t have an opportunity to meet in person?

Ready to rally YOUR team for breakthrough results with Let’s Grow Leaders?

Establish a Courageous Culture of critical thinkers, problem solvers, and customer advocates in your organization with a Team Innovation Challenge or Executive Leadership Workshop. These strategic innovation events – in person or virtual – will help shape the culture of your organization, skyrocket employee engagement and clear the path for increased team innovation.

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Ghosting at Work: Why it’s Terribly Destructive and What to Say Instead

Ghosting May Feel Easy, But the Impact is Hard

It’s getting worse. This phenomenon of ghosting at work.

What is Ghosting at Work?

Ghosting at work is when you THINK you’re in an important conversation.  And THEN, the other party completely disappears.

Such disappearing stunts are not that different from their close cousin in the dating scene.

You’ve had a few great dates. Excellent conversation. You made some fun plans for NEXT weekend. Maybe even a sweet kiss. And then, nothing. Nada. Completely gone.

Here are common examples of ghosting at work I hear nearly every day.

A candidate has multiple, promising interviews, and the hiring manager “ghosts” leaving the candidate hanging… not knowing whether to give up and move on or to remain hopeful.A candidate receives a job offer and then ghosts without rejecting the position. Or worse, accepts the job and is a no-call-no show on the first day.A prospective customer asks for multiple discovery calls and a detailed leadership development proposal with multiple iterations. And then, completely disappears (Okay, okay, I’m particularly salty about this one 😉Someone reaches out asking for a meeting, you schedule it, and they don’t show up.Why is Ghosting at Work on the Rise?

I’m not sure exactly why disappearing mid-conversation is on the rise, but I’ve got some theories.

It might have something to do with all the remote work. Perhaps it’s easier to quit a conversation mid-stream when you’ve never been in the same room. It’s easier to dehumanize a face on a zoom square than a human in 3D.

It could be fear of having a difficult conversation or disappointing someone who worked so hard.

Or in some cases, I blame bad manners. Their parents just didn’t think to explain that ghosting is rude.

The top reasons in my recent “ghosting at work” LinkedIn poll, were “scared to give bad news” and “bad manners.”  I’m inclined to agree.

Dave Gregory commented.

It varies by event, but the crux of the issue is an erosion of common decency in how we treat one another. While many things have contributed to this erosion, our experiences would be better if chose to treat each other better. Leadership is treating people the way they want to be treated. We all need to be better leaders.

Why Leaving a Conversation Hanging is So Destructive to People and Your Work Culture

It may seem like no big deal. After all, if you disappear the message is clear. “I’m not interested.” “This conversation is over.” “I got all I need from you.”

The problem is, there’s another human being at the end of this ghosting at work scene. It’s possible, your “no big deal” IS a bigger deal to them. In fact, imagine you’re a candidate who had three seemingly promising interviews all go dark at the same time.

It also degrades trust– not just for your own brand, but for the brand of your organization. And the ghosted human is likely not keeping their frustration to themselves.

As Nick Sellers, shares:

The lack of communication, closure, completeness, or whatever we call it speaks volumes in itself. While disappointing and frustrating to one party it tells much about the other. Perhaps an opportunity to reflect and be thankful that the relationship didn’t get started and become a series of similar, and worse, experiences?

I agree with Nick.

When a leadership development prospect goes completely dark after extensive work on a proposal or design, I feell like I’ve dodged a bullet.

Clearly, they’re not serious about human-centered leadership or collaborating as meaningful partners. I count my blessings that I didn’t waste any more time.

AND, I still get sad that we work in a world where people think that’s okay.

What to Do Say Instead (When You’re Tempted to Disappear)

One big reason I hear for ghosting at work is that it just takes too much time to respond. I get it. I really do.

But the truth is, even a one or two-sentence response provides closure and shows you care enough to exit the interaction gracefully.

Here are responses even a slow typer can type in less than 30 seconds.

Thank you for your time and effort. We’ve gone in another direction.I appreciate the work you put into this proposal. We’re not moving forward at this time.Thank you for coming to meet with us. We’ve decided to not fill this position at this time.It was a difficult decision, but we’ve gone with another candidate.Thank you for taking the time to interview me, I’ve decided to take another offer.I won’t be able to make our meeting today.What to Say if You’ve Been Ghosted

In order to prevent ghosting at work from becoming an acceptable norm, I’m hoping more people will call out the behavior when it happens.

I haven’t heard from you, have you gone in a different direction?I’m wondering if you’ve received my emails following up on our _____ (proposal, conversation, interview).  I’d love to get some closure on this one way or another.I really care about the work we’ve done together so far, and it’s important to me that we close this conversation on a good note. Can have a quick conversation to _______.I just read this human-centered leadership article by Karin Hurt on why ghosting is bad. I don’t think you’re a bad person. I’m curious as to your motivation to just disappear.  Are you busy or rude?  LOL… I’m just kidding. Don’t use this one 😉Your turn.

I’m curious to hear your stories. Are you seeing ghosting at work on the rise, and if so what do you think are the root causes? Have you ever been ghosted at work? What did you do? What do you think we can do to reverse this trend?

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Balancing Strategy and Tactics

If you don’t pay enough attention to strategy, you and your team will end up lost in a wilderness of meaningless, unproductive busyness. But if you don’t pay enough attention to tactics and effective management, you’ll create needless conflicts, frustration, and hurt feelings. When you can embrace effective leadership strategy and tactics, they will work together to help you, your team, and your organization thrive.

 

 

We have a, a fantastic question coming up, uh, at the end of today’s episode as well. But we’re gonna start with a conversation about strategy and tactics, because leaders and managers can often struggle with the difference between strategy and tactics or vision and operations. And, and it’s not uncommon for people to glorify leadership over management or strategy over tactics. But the reality is there’s danger in over emphasizing one or the other.

 

This past fall, as I was training for an ultra-marathon I went for a really long trail run and it was on terrain that was rocky, and there were roots snaking across the trail. So I was really focused on the ground and making sure that I wasn’t tripping over anything. Then I was catching up with two women who were on the trail ahead of me so I called out to them, “Hey, I’m passing on your left.” I focused on the trail ahead where I would pass them, sped up, and that’s when a root caught my foot and I tripped and fell down in a glorious pile of dirt, blood and embarrassment. In looking at the trail ahead, I lost focus on the ground beneath my feet, and that’s the danger of focusing on strategy or vision. The trail ahead, to the exclusion of the operational and management realities that you face today, that is the ground beneath your feet.

 

What are some tactical questions that can help you avoid injury?  A couple of these are the categories of clear communication, shared understanding of success, healthy professional relationships, consistent accountability. When you’re lacking those elements, your team will experience the injuries of frequent conflicts, frustration, misunderstandings that derail productivity, and quench morale.

 

Here are some questions that you can use to focus on tactical aspects of your leadership strategy. Does everyone know what success looks like? Does everyone know what specific behaviors are critical to achieving that success? Have you checked for understanding to ensure everyone has the same understanding of what success looks like and what those behaviors are? Are you consistently communicating critical messages and concepts? We talk about five by five. That’s five times five different ways, using five different channels to communicate and make sure messages are getting internalized. Are you scheduling the finish with clear discussions and mutual appointments to conclude tasks and projects? Do you and your team hold one another accountable for commitments? Do you acknowledge and celebrate success? Does your team know how to discuss and resolve day-to-day conflict? Dropped balls, misunderstandings? These are the tactical communication elements that will help you to stay focused on the ground underneath your feet and keep you from tripping.

 

All right, so let’s get back to that trail. So I had fallen, I got up, I brushed myself off, and I kept running. About 12 miles later, I took a new trail I’d never explored, and I was determined not to fall again. So I was watching the ground very closely. And when I reached the end of the new trail, I turned around, I’d been counting the number of branching trails I’d passed and thought I could easily get back, but I was tired. I had not looked at a map, and I’d been watching the ground so closely that I had not paid enough attention to my surroundings, took a wrong turn, and I had lost track of where I was and where to go. And that’s the danger of focusing on tactics and operations, the ground beneath your feet, and excluding of strategy and vision, which is the map and the trail ahead.

 

Your strategic clarity and vision is looking at the map and understanding the big picture, why you’re doing what you’re doing, how your team’s work contributes to the whole. In addition, a shared vision, that picture of where you’re going and what it feels like to get there inspires and energizes your team. And when you lack those elements, your team gets lost in busyness. Their work might be precise and done well, but it’s not necessarily meaningful. It doesn’t move the team, or outcomes, forward. And that type of meaningless work SAPs morale and wastes people’s time and energy, and those are precious resources.

 

Here are several questions to help you avoid getting lost in unproductive work as you focus on the first elements of leadership strategy and tactics. Why do we do this? And ask again, up to five times, why do we do this? What’s the real purpose? What’s our organization or team’s purpose? Do we have a shared vision of success for our team? That is, what does it look like, feel like, and what’s happening when we are at our best and doing our best work? How does our work contribute to the bigger picture? And that bigger picture can be your customer, the organization or society beyond the business, what’s changing in the world, your industry, technology employees or your customers so that you can understand and respond. How will your customers, clients, or world be better because of the work that you do?

 

So many leaders and teams get into conflict as they struggle with the need to look at the map and focus on the ground beneath their feet. And the reason for these disagreements is that most of us have a natural tendency to focus on one direction or the other. Some people are natural visionaries. They’re looking at the horizon they’re seeing into tomorrow, and inspiring people to come on the journey with them. Other people are naturally good at operations and ensuring everyone’s on the same page connected with one another and doing their work well. And obviously, you need both for any organization to do meaningful work and make a difference. What’s obvious and self-evident for you won’t be so clear for your colleague who has a different gift. In most discussions, the best way to resolve the tensions between leadership strategy and tactics is to start with strategy.

 

Where are we going? Why are we going there? How will our customer or client be better off as a result? And once you’ve clarified those goals, then focus on how you’ll achieve it and the leadership practices that will help the team operate smoothly. So in your own leadership, commit to a weekly habit of strategy and tactics. If you’re strong, tactically, schedule time with yourself at the beginning or end of the week to reexamine why you’re doing the work you’re doing to pull your head up, look at the horizon and ensure that what you’re doing aligns with the bigger picture. And if you’re stronger, strategically, more, more prone to looking at vision, schedule that time to ask the tactical questions and ensure that you haven’t let communication or accountability lapse while you’ve been looking at the horizon.

 

So as we start the new year, there’s some suggestions on strategy and tactics and how to incorporate to make sure that you are getting the best of both and not tripping on one or the other.

 

Listen in on the podcast to hear a question that came in this week, which I thought was a really powerful question, and one that if you haven’t experienced, you’ll certainly have the possibility of it at some point in your career. And thanks again for starting a new year with us. If you’ve been in real time and either way, appreciate you being here, talking about leadership strategy and tactics. And as you head off, keep in mind that mutual focus on leadership strategy and tactics will help you and your team to do motivating, meaningful work without unnecessary morale, sapping, frustration. And of course, I would love to hear from you your thoughts on balancing leadership strategy and tactics, ensuring you don’t lose focus on one or the other. Don’t want to trip. Don’t want to get lost. All right, that’s it for today. Get out there, be the leader you’d want your boss to be, and we’ll see you next time.

 

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