Aprel Phelps Downey's Blog, page 6

Have Yourself A Happy Little Holiday

Throughout this holiday season we have experienced many reasons to smile in celebration. Yet there have equally been as many moments that left us in tears. We have struggled to find the joy in the season when there is still so much heartache and pain inside. Instead of allowing ourselves to embrace the sadness, we […]

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Holidays Are a Time For Boundaries

The upcoming holiday season will be a time for celebration as family and friends gather together sharing laughter, memories and long standing traditions. It is meant to be a time of happiness shared with those we love the most. Yet for abuse survivors the holiday season is often anything but a time for celebration. We […]

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We Are More

As abuse survivors we carry a tremendous amount of baggage with us wherever we go. At points along our journey we stop to rest, letting our baggage fall to the ground. Then it happens. It may be a flashback. It may be a trigger that instantly takes us back to a frightful moment of abuse. […]

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Is It Possible to Become Unbroken?

Life is a series of challenges and obstacles that are meant to test our strength, our courage and our ability to persevere. Each curveball must be met with the decision to give up or stand and fight with everything we have. Some challenges and obstacles are easily overcome so our fight is very small. Then […]

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Are you fighting an endless battle?

You’ve been fighting a battle for so long that at times, you forget what it is you are even fighting for or against. Standing your ground has left you weak and in need of rest. You stop for a moment yet are quickly on the move once again. You are afraid that fear and anxiety […]

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What is your recovery?

You’ve lost your home, your job or both. A relationship with your significant other is coming to an end. A loved one has passed away or been diagnosed with a serious illness. You are coming to terms with the realization that you were abused as a child. The horrific memories keep flooding back despite your […]

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Is It Possible That Change Isn’t a Bad Thing?

 

The dictionary defines change as a transformation or modification. It is a process by which things undergo an alteration and become different than they were in the beginning. For most people change is a normal part of life. For abuse survivors, change sparks an internal struggle that we can’t escape no matter how hard we try.

When change hits, we fight to hold on and we fight to let go. Our struggle is real and easily understood by other abuse survivors. We are fighting to hold on to keep our world the same. As terrible as our abuse was, it created the only world we knew. So for us altering this world in any way evokes a sense of fear and panic that only other abuse survivors truly understand.

There is so much of our world that is beyond our control when we are being abused. We have no say in what goes on, how it goes on or when it occurs. We simply must stand by and bear the brunt of someone else’s torturous reign of control over us. We live minute-by-minute, trying to anticipate what might be coming next. There was no rhyme or reason for it. It simply just happened. It sent our small world spiraling out of control. We could not pinpoint what prompted the change. We could not prepare for it or brace ourselves against the ugly aftermath. All we could do was hold our breath and hold on for dear life, praying that this new change would end soon and that we would still be alive when it did.

Long after the bruises faded and the yelling stopped, we were left with an understanding that change does not come without painful consequences. By the grace of God we managed to survive those horrific moments of abuse. Yet change remains. It is not something we can run and hide from. When faced with change, those terrifying feelings from before come rushing back. We instantly scream inside as fear races through our body. We panic because we don’t know what is coming next. We are trained to think and feel that change brings heartache and pain. So we brace ourselves for the whirlwind storm of change and just hope we are still left standing when it’s all over.

One of the best ways that we can begin to overpower change is to remember that change can be a positive thing!

Think back for a moment to the person you were when the abuse was taking place. Now think about who you are today. You are stronger and wiser. You are able to love others and find the good in them despite having been unfairly subjected to so much evil at the hands of your abuser. You survived one of the worst storms a human should have to endure and are still standing here today. These things would not be possible without quietly undergoing change at some point along the way in your healing process.

As we move forward we need to keep in mind that change will no longer bring the kind of pain and heartache that we experienced when we were being abused. While things will be different each time, we will also grow, becoming stronger in the process. Change now means we are getting better. It means we are healing. It means we are learning to live. It means that each day brings new adventures, new promises and new chances to love life and all it has to offer!

 

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I am Taking a Stand Against Child Abuse, Will You Join Me?

 

I grew up very broken but now I’m on the mend.  Now a life with love and laughter has taught me that child abuse is not the end.  My hopes and dreams still remain.  Strength and courage coursing through my veins.

Child abuse is a horrific, heartbreaking experience to bear.  From somewhere deep inside I find a quiet voice just strong enough to share.  I share my story with the world even though the little girl in me still trembles inside.  I am strong enough to protect her now so there is no reason to hide.

My abuser can’t hurt me anymore for I am no longer controlled by fear.  I share my story for every abuse survivor to hear.

They can hear my story. They can relate to my fear.  They have been in my shoes and that makes us instant friends here.

Only we can understand the painful world we lived in.  Only we can grasp the reality of how each abusive act we endured pushed us further inside the darkest place we’ve ever been. We faced moments where we were certain our life was going to end.

Alone, afraid and cut off from the world, we wrapped our arms around ourselves in hopes of keeping out the cold.  We heard how we weren’t quite good enough to be part of this world.  How no one would ever love us, want us and other hurtful things we were told.

Words hurt us.  Physical pain engulfed us.  Day after day this was the story of our life.  We prayed for it all too just end.  We longed for a world free of pain, bruises and abuse.  There were days the abuse was worse than before.  On those days we quietly prayed for God to bring us to his door.

God answered in his own special way by letting us know the day would come when we would finally have our say.  My friends for me that day is today!

I will no longer remain silent or be afraid to show my tears.  My story will inspire other survivors who have stories of their own to share.  I will stand beside these new friends and encourage them to shed their fear.  Together we will stand and face abusers, putting each one in their place.  We will not stop until the day they become afraid to show their face.  We are moving forward, stopping abuse in its place.  Our mission will not be complete until abuse is no longer part of the human race.

Yes I grew up as a child who was broken.  Now I stand before you as a survivor on the mend.  My abuse experience will not waste away in vain. I will work tirelessly until each abuse victim knows my name.  I will be their friend, their supportive hand to hold.  I will stand by their side as their stories are told.  I will make a difference in this world you see.  It starts today as I begin to understand that my abusive childhood no longer has a hold on me!

Who will join me?  Who will take a stand?  Together we have the power and the strength to bring child abuse to an end!

Please get in touch with me if you are a victim of abuse.  Your struggle is real.  I understand. Let me be your friend!

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Break the Silence

 

I have been shocked and saddened to learn that Robin Williams is no longer with us. He brought laughter and smiles to many of us year after year yet felt trapped by unspeakable heartache and pain from a battle he faced behind closed doors. It is often said that the person who makes everyone else laugh and forget about their troubles is the one who feels alone the most. Sadly Robin Williams felt as if once the laughter subsided, the camera lights on the movie set turned off and the audience went away, he had no one he could turn to when he needed help.

Maybe he didn’t know how to reach out for help or simply didn’t want to burden others. His celebrity status more than likely served as a crutch in his desire to ask for help. He may have felt trapped inside the public persona of always appearing happy and didn’t want to tarnish that image for his beloved audience. So he retreated behind closed doors each day and fought a battle that ultimately became more than he could handle on his own.

Through our laughter we failed to see his tears. Through our smiles we failed to see the sadness hiding on his face. Preoccupied with his comedic actions on a movie set, interview or charity event, we assumed his private life was as happy as his public life appeared to be. Now we know differently.

It can be argued that taking his own life was a selfish way to go. It can also be said that reaching out for help should have been easy for him. These are quick judgments by those who simply don’t understand the pain and heartache that comes from struggling with depression. Those that have walked in his shoes, have battled depression, addiction, surviving abuse or other mental illnesses quietly identify with his struggle. The notion of bringing our battles public are often more painful than remaining behind closed doors.

As an abuse survivor there were many moments in my childhood where I screamed for help, begging anyone to come and rescue me from the horrible nightmare that I was living in.  All of my cries for help remained behind closed doors. Fear of what others would think of me and shame for what was taking place kept me quiet. To the outside world I appeared as a normal, happy, healthy girl growing up in a privileged household. Behind closed doors told a different story.

My story is similar to other abuse survivors, those suffering from depression, mental illness or addiction. The struggle is real. The heartache and pain are real. The silence is real. There are moments in the darkness where the silence is so deafening we think the only way out is to end it all by any means possible. Some of us are able to fight our way through to the other side. Sadly some of us are not. Robin Williams is someone who was not able to fight any longer to make that climb to the other side. He should not be ridiculed for this action. He is not alone. There are others who are alone, who are struggling and who will write the same ending to their story as Robin Williams did.

It is time to break the silence! If you are battling addiction, depression, mental illness or trying to survive abuse, reach out to someone, anyone for help. Call a hotline anonymously and let someone listen to your heartache as you struggle. Email a trusted friend and ask for help. If you know someone who is struggling with addiction, depression, mental illness or an abusive situation, let them know your love and support remains regardless of what they are facing. Let them know they are not alone, that you are right there by their side helping them find a way out of the darkness. Please do not look the other way, thinking the problems will go away on their own. Be present. Be a friend. Be anything but silent, whether you are facing the battle or know someone who is engaged in the battle, break the silence starting now!

Goodbye Robin Williams may you finally now be able to rest in peace!

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How do you move on when you can’t let go?

Can you ever really move forward if you are struggling with letting go of something or someone from the past? Is there a lesson in holding on too long? Where do you start learning to let go so that you can move on?