R.M.A. Spears's Blog
November 6, 2017
#metoo CULTURE IS OUR WINKING BLANK EYE
I personally know too many women who were sexually harassed or abused.
My mother was patted on the ass by a male teacher in high school in the fifties who went on to teach at another school my sister later attended.
Sis mentioned the same thing happened to her, twenty-five years later.
My current wife was raped by an uncle when she was sixteen.
An old girlfriend was molested during an Air Force medical exam that was required for application to the academy. She didn’t come forward for fear her appointment would be in jeopardy. The appointment she didn’t get anyway because they weren’t allowing women in until the following year. She went on to a career in the Air Force rife with harassment. Her submission, in so many words, contributed to her demise and suicide.
A female corporal of mine in the eighties was raped by a drunk drill instructor friend of her boyfriend’s. She became pregnant. She asked me if she should abort it. In counsel, I tried to provide her with usable answers. Twenty years later I ran into her again. She thanked me for helping her. Her son was the greatest thing that had ever happened to her.
A female renter of mine was impregnated during boot camp by a drill instructor. She kept it and continued in the Army for a short time. He lives with her now. She had his child then, then some others, and another by him. He was married with two other children but is now divorced from that wife.
A writer friend, who is a retired female Marine, was molested by her father, put into foster care when her father went to jail, and joined the Marines as her salvation. She then recounts many occasions of molestation and abuse in the Marine Corps. The last incident occurred just two years before she retired a few years ago. Shame on my Marine Corps.
I would attest there is not a woman alive that has not been harassed or abused though the official surveys claim only a third were molested and two-thirds harassed.
At Parris Island, there was a three-inch binder of things the instructors could and could not do. If a DI (drill instructor) was alleged to have done something inappropriate, they were suspended from duties pending an investigation. Never was the recruit considered good or bad, that was inconsequential. The investigation would find that out and determine if the DI could return to duty or would be punished. Several drill instructors of mine lost their careers that way.
No one wants to listen when everyone should be paying very close attention.
I know too well. I was also molested by a coach as a pre-teen. And I’m a guy, a retired Marine.
Twenty years later, when confronted with the man again, I made sure he was fired from coaching the eighth-grade basketball team at the Catholic middle school. I tried in vain to ensure he was fired from his job working for the city’s parks. An acquaintance of mine, who was in charge of him, refused to listen to my warning and treated me as if I was the problem. He continued on until retirement but I am glad to report he is dead. Unfortunately, though, he died of natural causes, instead of from the tromping of dozens of boots. I was not his only conquest.
I refuse to remain silent and wrote my book of several of these incidents.
There are no easy solutions, but there are better ones we could implement in the military, corporations, and institutions to give more power to women, to back them up. There will always be people in power who abuse their position of authority. We see it too often. We see it every day.
No one asks for it. No woman asks for it.
No woman deserves to live or work in a toxic environment.
Men, we have to do better policing our ranks. And I will put my sexist hat on to say, that is what we do as protectors.
Real men give a shit.
My mother was patted on the ass by a male teacher in high school in the fifties who went on to teach at another school my sister later attended.
Sis mentioned the same thing happened to her, twenty-five years later.
My current wife was raped by an uncle when she was sixteen.
An old girlfriend was molested during an Air Force medical exam that was required for application to the academy. She didn’t come forward for fear her appointment would be in jeopardy. The appointment she didn’t get anyway because they weren’t allowing women in until the following year. She went on to a career in the Air Force rife with harassment. Her submission, in so many words, contributed to her demise and suicide.
A female corporal of mine in the eighties was raped by a drunk drill instructor friend of her boyfriend’s. She became pregnant. She asked me if she should abort it. In counsel, I tried to provide her with usable answers. Twenty years later I ran into her again. She thanked me for helping her. Her son was the greatest thing that had ever happened to her.
A female renter of mine was impregnated during boot camp by a drill instructor. She kept it and continued in the Army for a short time. He lives with her now. She had his child then, then some others, and another by him. He was married with two other children but is now divorced from that wife.
A writer friend, who is a retired female Marine, was molested by her father, put into foster care when her father went to jail, and joined the Marines as her salvation. She then recounts many occasions of molestation and abuse in the Marine Corps. The last incident occurred just two years before she retired a few years ago. Shame on my Marine Corps.
I would attest there is not a woman alive that has not been harassed or abused though the official surveys claim only a third were molested and two-thirds harassed.
At Parris Island, there was a three-inch binder of things the instructors could and could not do. If a DI (drill instructor) was alleged to have done something inappropriate, they were suspended from duties pending an investigation. Never was the recruit considered good or bad, that was inconsequential. The investigation would find that out and determine if the DI could return to duty or would be punished. Several drill instructors of mine lost their careers that way.
No one wants to listen when everyone should be paying very close attention.
I know too well. I was also molested by a coach as a pre-teen. And I’m a guy, a retired Marine.
Twenty years later, when confronted with the man again, I made sure he was fired from coaching the eighth-grade basketball team at the Catholic middle school. I tried in vain to ensure he was fired from his job working for the city’s parks. An acquaintance of mine, who was in charge of him, refused to listen to my warning and treated me as if I was the problem. He continued on until retirement but I am glad to report he is dead. Unfortunately, though, he died of natural causes, instead of from the tromping of dozens of boots. I was not his only conquest.
I refuse to remain silent and wrote my book of several of these incidents.
There are no easy solutions, but there are better ones we could implement in the military, corporations, and institutions to give more power to women, to back them up. There will always be people in power who abuse their position of authority. We see it too often. We see it every day.
No one asks for it. No woman asks for it.
No woman deserves to live or work in a toxic environment.
Men, we have to do better policing our ranks. And I will put my sexist hat on to say, that is what we do as protectors.
Real men give a shit.
FREEDOM FEAR
No one listens.
No one reads.
Too many are busy expressing themselves to pay attention to what others are saying.
I should quit blogging.
Everyone has a blog,
… is a rebel.
… is outraged.
… has an ax to grind.
… an opinion, an argument, a position, a gripe, a bitch.
… has an asshole.
The internet, Twitter, Instagram, others, have made everyone and no one stars in their own world, except online the worlds compete and collide and make calamity normal.
We are all selfish.
We care for and about ourselves, first and foremost. That is how we live, survive. Not a problem. We should care about ourselves. I wish more people did and not expect the world to take care of them.
We are all bigots, sexist, prejudiced, but we hide in the lies of our true nature to look benevolent and empathetic, compassionate, not like the others, not like you, but transcended and above being human.
We really don’t give a shit about others over self. Self-rules, as it should first and foremost.
I don’t blame the dog for being a dog, for licking itself in hard-to-reach otherwise inappropriate places regardless who is standing there watching.
Wish I could.
Wish we all could.
Not give a fuck who watches and judges, because that is all we do–is judge others’ behavior and set ourselves better and apart,
with our thoughts, glances, sneers, opinions, expressions, blogs, and posts.
What we have the least, we need the most–tolerance, manners, the ability to get along and not be judgmental.
We need to breathe, watch and listen, and keep our mouths shut more than we open them.
We fear freedom because others can choose to be different than us and that does not sit well.
We want freedom for ourselves, of course, not others though. They must conform and listen to what we have to say and do as we do. That is the freedom we want and the one we fear.
If everyone had freedom, they might do something we don’t like.
We can’t have that–
freedom.
From- www.rmaspears.com
No one reads.
Too many are busy expressing themselves to pay attention to what others are saying.
I should quit blogging.
Everyone has a blog,
… is a rebel.
… is outraged.
… has an ax to grind.
… an opinion, an argument, a position, a gripe, a bitch.
… has an asshole.
The internet, Twitter, Instagram, others, have made everyone and no one stars in their own world, except online the worlds compete and collide and make calamity normal.
We are all selfish.
We care for and about ourselves, first and foremost. That is how we live, survive. Not a problem. We should care about ourselves. I wish more people did and not expect the world to take care of them.
We are all bigots, sexist, prejudiced, but we hide in the lies of our true nature to look benevolent and empathetic, compassionate, not like the others, not like you, but transcended and above being human.
We really don’t give a shit about others over self. Self-rules, as it should first and foremost.
I don’t blame the dog for being a dog, for licking itself in hard-to-reach otherwise inappropriate places regardless who is standing there watching.
Wish I could.
Wish we all could.
Not give a fuck who watches and judges, because that is all we do–is judge others’ behavior and set ourselves better and apart,
with our thoughts, glances, sneers, opinions, expressions, blogs, and posts.
What we have the least, we need the most–tolerance, manners, the ability to get along and not be judgmental.
We need to breathe, watch and listen, and keep our mouths shut more than we open them.
We fear freedom because others can choose to be different than us and that does not sit well.
We want freedom for ourselves, of course, not others though. They must conform and listen to what we have to say and do as we do. That is the freedom we want and the one we fear.
If everyone had freedom, they might do something we don’t like.
We can’t have that–
freedom.
From- www.rmaspears.com
June 22, 2014
Men Don't Read
I ran across an article that said as much recently and it should have caught me by surprise-but didn't. For more than a few years now, there has been a ridiculous trend to proclaim and analyze if men are even necessary. And if that is true, why write anything they would read. I think one of the reasons it took me so long to establish an interest in reading was I was not inspired by what my English lit teachers in high school were making me read. Forgive me if I upset some folks, but the Hobbitt, Catcher in the Rye, Shakespeare, and Beowulf did nothing for me. I had to discover reading on my own by trial and error. I could NOT trust literary types recommendations, which unfortunately kept me from "To Kill a Mockingbird" until a year ago. What a great book! But my real AHA moment was reading "Slaughterhouse Five." What was your AHA moment?
