Kern Carter's Blog, page 107
September 10, 2021
How fear kept my creativity in the dark
Photo by Thomas Franke on Unsplash , Edit by AuthorCreation has always been synonymous with vulnerability for me. Photography, painting, writing, are all things that bring me joy, but more importantly, they bring me alive. I have always struggled to share my writing with anyone, even myself at times. The process to bring it to light has been a slow and steady one, fraught with many steps back or running away from it altogether. The fear of overexposure would always triumph over my need to do this thing.
So, there was all my writing, years’ worth just collecting dust in the cupboard of my anxieties. Anytime I’d feel brave enough to open it, the particles of embarrassment would swirl around me, choking me out, until I slammed the cupboard shut again. The fear was still there, and it was still a monster, forever rearing its head in defiance of my love for creating. However, I fixed my gaze on that monster, determined to overcome it and stir up some courage to share.
The act of sharing is far heavier and deeper than we make it out to be. We’re taught that, “sharing is caring,” and that’s easy enough when you’re a toddler in daycare letting everyone play with your new toy. What happens when that new toy is a script, or article, or poem? Now it doesn’t feel so kind, instead it feels scary. Vulnerability bursting through the seams once more, when you feel that pang in your stomach as you unfurl your latest piece.
The dichotomy of this — praising generosity, but instilling doubt within sensitivity only serves to make the whole practice even harder. I want to share myself, but how far can I go? I have a problem overextending myself in order to accommodate others, and when that kicks in it can be a slippery slope into mental gymnastics and exhaustion for me. If that sort of thinking leaks into my creative process, how do I reconcile it with wanting to join others, wanting them to join me, and being a part of a community? So many questions and I won’t pretend to have the answers, though it seems to me that this fear is just a mask for something else.
Photo by Melanie Wasser on Unsplash, Edit by AuthorObviously, making anything personal will come with its own complicated emotions, turning it into something more difficult than it has to be. Writing for so many is such a personal endeavor, the scribbles of an inner life begging to be set free. The words not just mere assemblies of letters, but notes that sing out in the melody of you or who you may be at that time. I can always go back to reread something I wrote a long time ago and meet myself again. Another me that was in another place, and another time, feeling some kind of way that I can barely remember in my mind, but can feel in my heart through what’s on the page.
I have always found writing to be the quickest way to myself. A direct route to what I’m going through, and to the person I’m longing to be. The consideration of all this makes it clear why writing scares me, even when it thrills me. Something that excites those parts of you can also make you feel uneasy and unsure. That uncertainty always battling against the need to break through. How could it not be a frightful thing? However, I would like to report that there has been a shift.
Recently, after many attempts, I’ve decided to throw myself into the deep end and put more of my creative pursuits out there. Although it’s really not an, “out there,” as much as it is letting the world in and being unafraid of the reverberations it may send back. Any are a blessing, because it means contact has been made. My writing an offering to the extraterrestrial keepers of the written word to permit my entry, accept my contributions, or at the very least let me tag along on the journey of making things. The high and mighty sentiment within this piece isn’t to make me look good, or smart, or some other impressive adjective. They are just my thoughts and feelings about something I love doing and don’t have a choice but to do. Whenever you hold something so dear, polish it into preciousness, and place it deep within your identity, of course fear isn’t too far behind. It is our decision as to whether that fear becomes a help or a hindrance.
Throughout my life thus far it’s been the latter. I’ve been careful to never tip my hat too far in either direction so I wouldn’t have to show myself, be fully who I am, and see how that manifests within my writing. All those little stories turned secrets, still making friends with the dust bunnies in the cupboard. Higher and higher up it went until I worried, I would no longer be able to reach for its handle and give it another go at opening, so this time I hung on for good. Now, the door remains open, and I fall into a bed of rushing yet reassuring waters. If you’re reading this right now, you’ll know, today, I have conquered my fear.
Photo by Drew Dau on Unsplash, Edit by Author
How fear kept my creativity in the dark was originally published in CRY Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
The Price of Ego and Pride
Ego will run us into the ground if we let it. My ego left alone to run rampant caused chaos. I had to let go.
September 9, 2021
Call for Poetry Submissions — What Do You Choose: Flow or Control?
Photo by Brendan Church on UnsplashSurrender will be one of the hardest things you ever do.
So, many of us don’t surrender to the flow of our lives at all.
Control feels safer.
Order feels safer.
But it can also subconsciously keep us in our comfort zone, or, a space that isn’t for our highest good nor aligned with our soul’s calling.
As a citizen of the world, we have a responsibility to contribute and many of us think the best way to do that is through our jobs.
Yet, there are other ways the world can benefit from our contribution.
Through kindness.
Through creativity.
Through storytelling.
And through daring to surrender to the flow of a personal destiny even if it colors outside the lines of what is normally expected.
So, how do you manage the dynamic between control and flow?
Is it difficult for you to surrender to flow? If so, why?
Is it better to maintain control?
Do you have a formula for mixing both that works for you?
Lay it all on the page in this week’s call for poetry submissions.
A few new rules:Keep your submission to ~ 350 words max.Format the poem as it is meant to be readMake sure to put the “poetry” tag on your storyFocus on clarity — make sure your piece has a clear premise and takeawayThe same rules still apply:You can submit to this or ANY of our past writing prompts. Just scroll through our previous newsletters. They’ll be marked “Call for Submissions.”If you’re already a writer for CRY, go ahead and submit.If you’re not a writer for CRY but would like to submit to this or any other prompt, let us know and we’ll add you ASAP. Include your profile handle in your message or comment.Be as creative as you want in your submissions. As long as you stick to the topic, we’ll consider it.Just because you submit doesn’t mean we’ll post. If you haven’t heard back from us in three days, consider that a pass.Please reach out if you have any questions at all. If you are new to Medium, here’s how you submit a draft to a publication.
[image error]Call for Poetry Submissions — What Do You Choose: Flow or Control? was originally published in CRY Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
Editor Picks — Favourite Posts On CRY Last Week
Image by NuvolanevicataWe know, we know, you’re not supposed to have favourites. But CRY is all about breaking rules and with so many incredible pieces out this week, we wanted to acknowledge the ones that rose to the top.
Plus, this is all subjective. This really was an amazing week of storytelling so the ones that stood out really had to be special. Let us know if you agree.
KernMy favourite piece this past week was “I’m In A Long Term Relationship With Writing” by Keri Mangis. Keri describes all of her other endeavours in life as “short-term affairs” and she was perfectly happy with that. Then when reflecting on the thread that connected all of her jobs and projects, communication was that central piece, and the aspect of communication she most connected with was writing. In her own words:
“Now that all the modes of delivering my writing are gone, only the writing remains. It feels pure, centered, and whole, as if these roles were merely avenues that gave me opportunity and permission to write, but no longer need.”
KB
First, it’s been an honour to read all the creative, heartfelt poems that have been submitted since we opened this new category. Doesn’t it feel good to know there are so many other poets out there?! People who process life’s ups and downs with the same poetic mind as you? Let’s keep pumping each other up. That said, my favourite poem this past week was, “Push and Pull” by Stacey B. Stacey does a phenomenal job of characterizing personal growth before and within relationships. This submission was a really touching story of healing and accepting the “push and pull” dynamic of life. In her own words:
We take turns
to listen, to reply
ending in burns
wishes to die…
But never nearSafia
nor far enough
to love the dear —
sweet inner stuff!
Annie Ngu’s poem “Choose Me or Lose Me” is my favourite submission this week because it is a beautiful reflection of the intersection between cultural upbringing and lived experience. Despite what she was taught to be right, today she chooses to define self-love on her own terms. From her piece:
My mother taught me[image error]
to be passive —
and to not spend my energy
on people who don’t deserve it
because 氣 (qì)
is also a form of currency.
Editor Picks — Favourite Posts On CRY Last Week was originally published in CRY Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
September 8, 2021
fears
Photo by Paul Garaizar on UnsplashDeep in my soul
A thought, an idea, a story
Wants to come forth
Wants to be birthed.
Something beautiful
Something wonderful
Something ugly.
Something dark.
It yearns to be free
It yearns to have a voice.
The pen tries to write
The ink runs dry
As fear slithers up my spine
Like a wet, slimy snake.
Wrapping its thick body
Around my throat
Silencing any noise
That wants to come out.
It whispers in my ear
You are an imposter.
A fake.
Fighting through the fog
The darkness
My hand battles to be heard
To give voice
To the thought, the idea, the story
Deep in my soul.
fears was originally published in CRY Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
Thriving as a Highly Sensitive Person Starts With Radical Acceptance
There are many effective ways to cope with being sensitive and soft-hearted in a harsh world, but radical acceptance is the place to start
