Dennis Cardiff's Blog: Poetry and Prose by Dennis Cardiff, page 3

Mukmuk – 2 October 2012

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Muk-muk

2 October 2012

At noon today I met with Serge, Paul, Joy,  Shakes, Chester, Little Jake, Wolf and Shaggy.

The first person to greet me was Serge, He said, “It’s my old friend, Kenny Rogers.”

“Hi Serge, how are you feeling today?”

“Not so good. I have an appointment with my doctor, this afternoon, at the clinic on Cooper Street.”

“What are you seeing your doctor about? Are you having problems with your stomach again.”

“Yeah, it’s my stomach, and I have a pain in my shoulder.”

“What’s the pain in your shoulder from?”

“The cops came by. I smashed my bottle so I wouldn’t get a ticket. They put my hands behind my back, put handcuffs on me, then pushed me to the sidewalk. It hurt something in my shoulder.”

“I know what those cuffs feel like. They always put them on too tight, don’t they.”

“I don’t know why they did that. I didn’t get a ticket. This morning a guy saw me drinking out of my Listerine bottle. He said, ‘I’ll give you twenty dollars if you throw that bottle away.’ ‘No way,’ I said. ‘Keep your money.’ He gave me the twenty anyway.”

“So that worked out well for you. I hope everything goes well at the doctor’s office this afternoon. I’ll see you later.”

I moved on to say hello to Shakes and Wolf. Shaggy barked the whole time. “Don’t pay any attention to her,” said Wolf, “she’s just saying hello. She doesn’t make much of a guard dog; she barks, but she’s too lazy to lift her head off the sidewalk.”

I sat on the sidewalk in front of Joy. Chester was just leaving to go for Chinese food, at the food court of the Rideau Center. “How’s everything going today, Joy?” I asked.

She gestured with her head toward Chester and rolled her eyes. “Dennis, I’m losing it. I met with my P.O. (Parole Officer) this morning. I didn’t think that I was talking loud. All of a sudden two cops came in. They said, ‘We thought there was a disturbance.’ My P.O. was upset, she said, ‘There’s no disturbance. If there had been, I have a buzzer to press, or I would have called you.’ After a while, I had to pee. When I got outside her door, sure enough, the two cops were on either side. They followed me to the bathroom and waited outside. I stayed an extra long time, just to piss them off. I also had a drink.  When I was finished my appointment I took the elevator down. The two cops went with me. I said to them, What is it with you guys? Is it that you just don’t like me? I wasn’t put on this earth to be either liked, or disliked by you.’ I said to the big one, ‘I remember you. You’re the one who smashed my cheek.’ He said, ‘You didn’t lodge a complaint.’ I know better than to charge one of Ottawa’s finest. I learned that lesson in Toronto.”

I asked, “How did he smash your cheek?”

“Feel both of my cheeks. See if you think they feel the same.” I noticed that the bone structure felt different.

“Part of my cheek bone was broken off. They were called to our apartment, when I was still with Jake. One cop was talking him outside, the big one was with me in the kitchen. He opened the fridge and started taking out beer. I said, ‘Excuse me.’ Notice that I was being polite. I said, ‘Excuse me, but those are my beer. You’ve no right to be taking them.’ That’s the last I remember. I woke up in hospital. I still have a scar, but it’s nearly faded now. “I also met with my worker this morning. She may have an apartment for me to see tomorrow. I just hope I get it. Chester is driving me crazy. I’d never hurt him, but I just don’t know what I’m doing some times. I think I freaked out my P.O this morning. Hopefully, she’ll get me back on my anti-schizoid medication. I haven’t had it since I was in hospital last January.”

“Joy,” I said, “I can understand some of what you’re feeling. If I wasn’t on medication I’d be a mess.”

“Last night,” she said, “I was at a party at Chuck’s place on Stewart Street. I was having a good time. I’m entitled to have a good time, once in a while, aren’t I? I’d been there about an hour when I got a phone call from Chester. Even though I told him not to, he invited Loretta over for some Mukmuk loving. I don’t think it worked out the way he planned. He was drunk and she gets crazy when she drinks. Chester said that she was hitting him and he didn’t know how to get her out of his apartment. I said to him, ‘Chester, go over to the fridge. The number for security is on a card there. Phone them and tell them you want someone removed from your apartment. They’ll take Loretta out. If you don’t want to do that, dial 911 and the cops will deal with her.’ I must have gotten half a dozen calls from him. I phoned security, told them that my father was having trouble getting someone out of his apartment. I said, ‘I’ve seen you guys, you’re big enough to handle a hundred pound woman. I’ve also seen that you have handcuffs, if she gives you any trouble.’ Chester called back again. He said that security had gotten Loretta out of the apartment, but later he heard a knock and opened the door. It was Loretta. She barged back in. Who in their right mind opens a door, when they don’t know who’s on the other side? It could have been thieves, ready to invade his home and take all he’s got. “I came home and Loretta was passed out on the couch. This is my home. I saw red. I really laid into her. I’m not exactly sure what happened, I was fairly wasted at the time. I know I threw her out. This morning, I saw that there was blood on the couch. My knuckles are sore. My foot is sore, there was blood all over my white shoe, and I found teeth prints in the leather. Loretta doesn’t have teeth, but whoever removed them did a lousy job. She still has nubs. I don’t know what kind of shape she’s in. Tomorrow, I go for my second anger management counseling session with E. Fry (The Elizabeth Fry Society). I’ll have someone messing with my head. I just can’t take much more. I feel like I’m dying from the inside.”

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Skinny Minnie – 1 October 2012

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1 October 2012

Walked toward the park. I recognized Jacque’s bushy white beard and waved to him. While I was still about a dozen feet from the group an attractive, young woman, with long black hair, approached me.

She said, “We haven’t met before. My name is Doreen.”

“I’m Dennis,” I said.

“Do you happen to have a cigarette?”

“No, sorry, I don’t smoke.”

“Good for you. I wish I didn’t smoke. It’s bad for you and it smells bad.” Doreen then sat on the curb.

I shook hands with the woman beside her and said, “Hi, I’m Dennis.”

“We’ve met before, “she said, “I’m Jenny.”

I shook hands with Chester, “Joy will be here shortly, ” he said.

Standing near the curb were Little Jake, Danny, Hawk and his dog Dillinger. Seated were Shakes, Doreen, Jenny, and Jacques. I sat between Shakes and Doreen.

“How was your weekend, Shakes?”

“Tell you in a minute.” He was counting coins and putting them in a plastic pill bottle. “Weekend was good, except for the rain on Sunday. Walking in that. Leathers didn’t dry until about three this morning.”

“Have you been sleeping behind Starbucks, or inside somewhere?”

“Both, it all depends on who kidnaps me, ha ha ha ha.”

“I guess you mean that in a good way?”

“Stayed at Danny’s place last night. He lives in Little Italy.”

Doreen asked me, “Where did your family come from?”

“Grandparents came from Iceland in 1902.”

“Know people from Iceland. I’m from Baffin Island, not far from Iceland.”

Said, “My mother didn’t learn to speak English until she went to school.”

“Where I went to school,” said Doreen, “If we spoke Inuk to anybody, we would get a slap on the head. When I went home, if I spoke English, even to someone who spoke English, I’d get a slap on the head. Got it from both sides.

“Do you know whose land were on?”

Said, “I was told it was Algonquin land.”

“There is a dispute about that. It’s Huron and Algonquin land. It makes me so mad to think about it, but this land was a native burying-ground. How would you like it if they built over the place where your grandmother was buried?

“May live in the city, but I still make my stamp on the ground.” She demonstrated by hitting the sidewalk with the side of her fist.

To some women passing on the sidewalk, Doreen yelled, “Will you please give me a smile?”

The women turned and smiled. Doreen replied, “Thank you, you did give me a smile. That makes me so happy.”

To me she said, “I just want to be happy. I think that is what most people want, just to be happy.”

Agreed, “If everybody expressed love to each other, the world would be a happier place.”

Could see Joy walking up the sidewalk. She didn’t look happy.

“Hi Joy, how was your weekend?”

“It was okay — quiet. I’m so fuckin’ pissed off right now. I haven’t been able to get my check yet. It was supposed to be ready Friday, but my worker said that, because I switched to the Salvation Army, it was going to be delivered to a different office. Phoned this morning. They said, ‘Your check will be ready any time you want to come down and pick it up.’ ‘Great,’ I said. Used my last bus ticket to come down to the office. When I got there, they said, ‘Come back at two o’clock.’ What a run around.”

Jenny stood up and tried to give Mo a hug. Mo said, “Jenny I’ve had a bad day and I’m not in the mood for a hug. I just want to be left alone for a while.”

Jenny said, “Joy, don’t be like that. I just want to be friendly.”

“Jenny, what did I just say? Now, sit down or I’ll knock you down.”

Danny said, “Joy, that’s no way to talk to your friends. Whether you’ve had a bad day or not, there’s no excuse for taking it out on the rest of us. Talked to you about that before.”

“Danny, keep your mouth shut, before I come over there and smack you.”

“Come on over. Smack you right back.”

Mo was quiet for a while, then she said to Minnie, “I’m sorry for talking to you like that. I had no right. I apologize.”

“It’s alright, Joy, I understand.”

“Danny, I apologize to you too.”

Minnie, walking with a cane, stopped and asked Doreen, “Aren’t you cold, with bare arms?”

Doreen said, “Since the accident, I’ve lost all feeling of heat or cold, in my arms and legs. If I wear too many clothes, I get itchy all over.” (major spinothalamic or spinal cord injury)

“Let me give you a hug,” said Minnie.

Doreen stood up and they hugged. Jenny said, “Can I have a hug too, Skinny Minnie?”

Minnie hugged her and said, “Jenny, you’re skinnier than I am.”

It was time for me to go. Walked over to Jacques to shake his hand. He said, “You know, I woke up in the middle of the night with such a sore throat. Then I had to go to the bathroom. An hour later I had to go again. It was back and forth, back, and forth, all night long. You better not get too close to me.”

Said good-bye to Joy, she said, “Do you have to go already?”

“Yes, but I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Not in the morning. Have a meeting with my P.O. (Probation Officer), but I’ll see you here at noon.”

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Rodent – 28 September 2012

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28 September 2012

Heading to the park I met Serge and William. They were going for lunch. When I arrived at the park, I noticed that there were a bunch of separate groups. Danny and Shakes were sitting together; Joy and Chester were together. Andre, Rodent, and Bear were together. In the back was Shark, Outcast, Anne, Wolf and Shaggy. If Bearded Bruce had been there, he would have said, everyone must have got up this morning with a gut full of grumpy juice.

I could see that Joy was upset, “I’m so pissed off. I’m drunk too. My check hasn’t arrived yet. I phoned, Jan, my worker, she said that because information arrived after September 16, some checks would be delayed until Monday.’ I said to her, ‘Look, I owe one guy $200. I owe another guy $250. What am I supposed to do?’ She asked, ‘How did you get so far in debt?’ I said ‘I’m an alcoholic and a pothead. What do you expect?’ Right now, I’m kind of in hiding. I guess I will be all weekend.

“Chester is supposed to buy groceries, but I know that isn’t going to happen. He ate this morning, so I won’t be eating. He was drunk for two days. He is sober today and drank about a dozen cups of coffee. He’ll probably be awake all night.

“Outcast is picking on me because I had some of the guys over.”

“He picks on a lot of people,” I said.

“He thinks that he’s so superior. I’d like to walk over there and punch that smug grin right off his face. Of course, then he would go over the railing backwards. He’d probably break his neck, or his back, and die; or he’d be severely fucked up. He had the nerve to ask me, ‘I suppose that means you’re not coming over to my {Debbie’s) place?’ I’m never having anything to do with him again.

”I think, right now, I’d just like to be alone for a while.”

I walked across the sidewalk and sat beside Andre, Jake, and Rodent. “How did you sleep last night, Andre?”

“I was cold. I passed out across the street for a while, then I went downtown. Some guy was mouthing off to me, so we got into it. He kept poking me in the mouth. When I didn’t get up, he went away. After that I went back to the hut. These other guys have been at it since this morning. I just woke up.”

I noticed that he was drinking a Smirnoff vodka cooler. “You’ve changed brands, haven’t you, Andre?”

“These were given to me.”

He rolled one across the sidewalk to Hippo, who said, “Thanks, man.”

Jake said, “I think that I lost the master-key to my apartment. I don’t know how that happened. Sometimes I black out. I guess I’ll have to have the super buzz me in.”

Andre said, “They’re probably going to charge you for a lost key, especially one of those electronic ones.”

Danny said, “Joy just gave me the finger. She shouldn’t treat us like that. We’re family. You don’t give the finger to family. I haven’t done anything to her.”

Shakes said, “Just leave it, man.”

Joy asked, “Has anybody gone for a run yet?

Andre said, “As soon as I finish this, I’ll go. It seems odd, me being the soberest one here.”

I asked Hippo, “How is it going with your place?”

“I’m all moved in.”

“Do you have a bachelor apartment?”

“No, I’ve got a one bedroom, with kitchen, living room, bedroom and bathroom. It has hardwood floors.”

“Do you have any furniture?”

“I got a few bits of stuff, the rest I’ll have to wait for.”

Rodent went back to talk to the other group. As he was coming back, he said, “Wolf, if you ever talk to me like that again, I’m going to punch your face in.”

Joy said, “Rodent, I’d really like to see that. I’ve never seen you go against anybody in my life.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, Rodent, that’s so. Go ahead, prove me wrong!”

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Shelter – 27 September 2012

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27 September 2012

On the curb, near the park today were Shakes, Andre, Outcast, Jacques and Hippo.

Outcast said, “Dennis, before you sit down, here’s a copy of the Metro to keep your cheeks dry.”

“Thanks Outcast.”

“How’s everything going, Hippo?”

“Great, I get the keys to my new apartment tomorrow.”

“Where will it be?”

“Vanier, on Lavergne Street. It’s really nice.”

Outcast asked, “That’s in one of those projects, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“Where did you sleep last night, Hippo?” I asked.

“We all slept behind Starbucks, the old place.”

“Were Bruce and Weasel there?”

“Yeah, and Bear. I slept next to the dumpster, nearly underneath it. I was the wind break.”

Andre said, “You should have seen it, Dennis. Bear’s nose was about an inch from Hippo’s.”

To Hippo he said, “It’s a good thing you didn’t make any sudden movements in your sleep. You could have lost part of your face. I don’t know how you could have put up with Bear’s breath, or how he could have put up with yours.”

“Bear and I are good,” said Hippo.

“Don’t get too friendly,” laughed Andre.

A female police officer, followed by a male, rode up the sidewalk.”

“Hello gentlemen, does anyone have any open liquor.” Outcast had kicked his can over the railing. She noticed an open can of beer between Hippo and Andre. “Who does that belong to? Is that yours Hippo?”

“Yes ma’am.” He held up the can.

“If I dump it, do I still get a ticket?”

“If I don’t see anything, you don’t get a ticket” Andre put his cap in front of the can and took a swig.

Hippo said, “This is my last beer. I’ll take the ticket.”

The ticket was written and handed to Hippo. He took it, folded it and handed it to Jacques. “Another one for your wall, Jacques.”

Andre said to the police office, “You guys know that we don’t pay these things. Does that bother you at all?”

The officer said, “We do our job, the courts do their job. We’ll be back in fifteen.”

After she left Andre said, “She’s, my cousin.”

Outcast said, “That’s the second beer I’ve kicked over the rail today.”

Andre said, “I’m just glad they haven’t changed the law, so we’d have to do jail time for unpaid tickets. I know I’m over $8,000.”

Shakes said, “I’m over $10,000.”

Outcast said, “It would be ridiculous to have us do jail time. It costs over $70,000 a year to keep a man in jail. We’ve got no assets, no houses, no cars, no jobs. There’s nothing they can take from us.”

Annie Pootoogook – 26 September 2012

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26 September 2012

Annie sits on the sidewalk selling her drawings at a fraction of the price they would sell at a gallery.  To the best of my knowledge, she is homeless or at risk of being homeless. She often sits with us at the park.

Ottawa Citizen

Acclaimed Inuit artist comes to terms with her greatest work.

Acclaimed Inuit artist Annie Pootoogook has given birth to a baby girl, a month before she was due, at a Lowertown shelter.The premature child, named Napachie Marie Pootoogook-Watt, was born about 4 a.m. Friday in a washroom of the Shepherds of Good Hope on Murray Street. Pootoogook says she was in the washroom, experiencing labour pains. Suddenly, her water broke and out came the baby.

Pootoogook’s cries were heard by staff and others staying in the shelter, who rushed to help. They had her lie on blankets on the floor until an ambulance arrived to take the mother and baby to the Montfort Hospital.

William Watt, the baby’s father and Pootoogook’s boyfriend, says Napachie is only 1.64 kilograms (three pounds, 10 ounces) and is in an incubator at the Montfort, where she is expected to remain for a month.

“But) she’s doing fine,” says Watt. “Her motor skills are fine. She’s a perfectly healthy baby. She’s just tiny.”

Pootoogook says she “feels good. I could go dancing.” Watt says his girlfriend doesn’t look any worse for wear. “She was in labour only five minutes.”

Pootoogook says she was released from hospital at 4 p.m. Friday, had dinner at a native drop-in centre on Rideau Street, and then stayed the rest of the weekend with friends, until she was reunited Monday with Watt. He had spent four nights in jail. That’s why Pootoogook went to the shelter late last week, he says, as “she didn’t want to be alone” because of her pregnancy. Coincidentally, Watt was in jail last January for theft when Pootoogook found out she was expecting.

Tuesday afternoon, Pootoogook was back on Rideau Street where the artist has been seen drawing during the past three months. The parents visited Napachie earlier in the day. It was the first time Watt had set eyes on his daughter.

“I’ll be (at the hospital) every day,” says Watt. “I heard on the Oprah show that you have to hold them, nurture them and show you love them.”

Pootoogook, 43, and Watt, 49, have a meeting with her social worker today. They think the possibility of giving up the baby to the Children’s Aid Society for adoption will be raised.

“The CAS is involved,” says Watt, who is optimistic they’ll be able to keep Napachie because “I’m a good fighter.”

CAS involvement was expected after the couple detailed months and months of homelessness as well as drug and alcohol abuse in a Public Citizen story in July. But the couple claimed they were cleaning up their lives for the baby’s arrival, and, at that point, had not had any drugs or alcohol for six weeks. They were also looking for a home.

The couple spent most of the summer sleeping outdoors in Lowertown and eating at shelters. A social agency recently found the couple a one-bedroom apartment near Bank and Walkley streets, where they moved on Sept. 15.

Watt is paying for the unit with income he receives from the Ontario Disability Support Program. Watt says rent and hydro will take most of his monthly cheque, so the couple will have to depend on food banks and shelter kitchens until they can get into a subsidized unit.

“It’s very nice,” Watt says of their new digs. “It’s an upper-class building.”

Pootoogook is considered one of Canada’s most pre-eminent Inuit artists and began her career in Cape Dorset, Baffin Island. She was discovered about 10 years ago by a Toronto art gallery that began buying her work through the West Baffin Eskimo Co-operative in Cape Dorset.

Pootoogook’s work, often depicting disturbing and chilling scenes of Inuit life, has been exhibited in major shows in Europe and the U.S. She was given glowing reviews by various American papers, including The New York Times, and honoured with the $50,000 Sobey Art Award in 2006. Her earlier drawings, done with coloured pencils, sell for as much as $2,600 at Feheley Fine Arts, the art gallery that help her raise her profile as an artist. Limited edition prints go for as much as a $1,000.

But Pootoogook, who has fought demons all her life — beatings, sexual abuse, alcohol and drugs — disappeared from view for the past few years. She has lived in Ottawa since 2007, with a variety of acquaintances and at homeless shelters. She started drawing again this summer, while awaiting the baby.

Passersby on Rideau had been paying her $25 to $30 per drawing when the Citizen caught up to her in July. The money paid for her cigarettes. She says she now receives upward to $300 per piece and was trying to sell a drawing Tuesday for $260. Many people just stop to say hello. Some give them a few dollars to help them by.

The couple say they do not expect to hang around downtown as they used to, mostly because they now have their own place and then a baby to look after once she’s released from hospital. But Watt says sleeping outside over the summer didn’t bother them.

“I know it sounds sad, but we slept good. In retrospect, it was nothing because I was with the love of my life.”

Accommodation was offered to the couple by Citizen readers. However, they turned down the offers.

They say their apartment is sparsely furnished. They have been sleeping on a couch left behind by the previous tenant. Watt says they expect to be getting a bed as early as today, and then they can start worrying about furnishings for Napachie.

Says Watt about his daughter’s birth: “It’s a happy ending to the story

…

This afternoon at the park, I sat with Andre, Shakes and Little Jake.

“Hi, Jake, how is everything at your new apartment.”

“Fine, but I still don’t have any furniture, just an air conditioner still in its box; that’s what I sit on.”

“When will they be getting you furniture?”

“Around the first of November, that’s what my worker said.”

“So, you’ll be without any furniture for over a month?”

“That’s the way the system works. Yesterday, my worker — you’ve met her before — took me to the doctor. I’ve been having raging migraines, ringing in my ear, pain in my sinuses and behind my eyes. When I try to roll a cigarette, I notice that the skin on my fingers is very dry. I think I’m a bit dehydrated. The doctor had me close my eyes, stand with my feet together, with my arms straight out at my sides. I nearly fell over. He’s going to send me for a CAT scan to see what’s going on in my head — I hope it’s not a tumor.”

“Did the doctor suggest to you that it might be a tumor?”

“No, he wants to see some pictures first, before he tells me what’s wrong. Yesterday morning I took a Seroquel. It was a drop. This guy said to me, I’m sorry, I don’t have any money, but here’s three Valium and two Seroquel. Mo and I shared the Valium, I took the second Seroquel before lying down for the night. That knocked me right out.”

I offered my medical advice, “I wouldn’t jump to any conclusions about having a tumor. There may be a lot of reasons for balance problems. Perhaps, you have an ear infection. It may be something simple that can be treated with antibiotics.”

“Shakes,” I asked, “Did you find your bag?”

“No.”

“What did you have in it?”

“My clothes, my bottle, my cigarettes, my weed, my house — everything.”

“How are you doing, Andre?”

“This is kind of an off day for me. I was drinking last night, then at 3:00 am I was wide awake. I drank a couple more bottles and slept until 5:00. I came down here and haven’t moved more than six feet since. See that sweater on the curb? That’s mine. It’s there in case anybody wants to sit down. That’s where I started this morning. I’ve been watching and thinking about people. I try to figure out where they’re coming from, what their motives are.

“Joy said to me yesterday, ‘if you point your finger at someone, you have three fingers pointing back at you. So, you shouldn’t point at people.’ By the way, do you know where Joy is today?”

“She had an appointment with her worker. They were going to take the bus to the Elizabeth Fry Society for Joy’s anger management course.”

A woman walked by. Emile said, “Hi darlin’, blue really works well on you, it brings out the color of your eyes.”

“Andre, ” I said, “her eyes were brown.”

“Doesn’t matter. This is what I do all day long. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.”

A soldier in uniform passed by. Andre said, “Thank you sir, for protecting our country.” The soldier waved.

To me Andre said, “I really mean that. I have a lot of respect for the military.”

Lucy passed in her motorized wheel chair and waved. We all waved. Andre said, “Hi, sister, take care.”

Shakes reached for Emile’s insulated travel mug. “No you don’t,” said Andre. He threw Shakes an unopened bottle of sherry. A few minutes later he asked, “Did you honor it, before you took a drink?” (Honoring means to fill the cap of the bottle with liquor and to throw it over one’s shoulder.)”

“Yes, I did”

“Good, ” said Andre. “I don’t know where I slept last night, but I have green stuff all over my pants. I’ve been picking it off all morning.”

I asked, “Did you sleep outside?”

“Yes.”

Jake said, “I’m going home now.”

I asked, “What are you going to do, Jake, watch your air conditioner?”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Andre said, “I’m just sort of floating right now. Everything is mellow. I don’t have a plan. I don’t know what I’m going to do for the rest of the day.”

“Shakes, I’m going to take you someplace where we can get something to eat.”

“That sounds good.”

“Eating is good,” I said.

It was time for me to go back to work. I shook hands with Andre and Shakes.

“See you, brother,” they said. “See you tomorrow.”

“See you, brothers.”

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1000 Ways To Die – 25 September 2012

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25 September 2012

I saw Joy briefly this morning. Already packed up, she asked me to watch her backpack, while she went into Tim Horton’s to use their washroom.

When she returned, she said, “They were mopping the floor in there. They’ve got to change the brand of their cleaner. It smells like wet dog, even worse than Bear, it’s horrible. The stuff they use the first thing in the morning is even worse. Could never eat there with that odor in the air.

“Weasel was by earlier with Bear. Because of that dog, he collects more money than any of us. Now he has Little Jake caring for the dog while he goes off someplace. He’s always getting somebody to stay with Bear: Wolf, Andre, Hippo.  And he never pays them, not even a beer. There’s no way I’d look after that dog. For one thing, you never know when he’s coming back, it could be days. Then you’re stuck with feeding him, cleaning up after him.’

Said, “I’m sorry I didn’t make it to the park yesterday. I had a dental appointment that took longer than I expected.”

“What did you have done?”

“Got a partial plate, to replace three missing molars.”

“I don’t have any back teeth. It makes chewing difficult. Have my boyfriends to thank for that.”

“Yesterday, everybody was asking, ‘Where’s Dennis?’ We thought that you had been in an accident, or that something had happened to you. You’ve hardly ever missed being at the park at noon.”

Asked, “What did I miss?”

“Not much, the usual. Jacques was there, Chester, Shakes and Serge. Andre and Little Jake weren’t there, thank God. Shakes and Andre were together on Sunday.  Shakes lost his backpack. He’s hoping that Emile has it. Shakes said to me, ‘Without my bag, where am I going to put my booze?’ Said, ‘Shove it up your sleeve, where you usually put it.’ ”

“Weasel was by earlier with Bear. Because of that dog, he collects more money than any of us. Now he has Little Jake caring for the dog while he goes off someplace. He’s always getting somebody to stay with Bear: Wolf, Andre, Hippo.  And he never pays them, not even a beer. There’s no way I’d look after that dog. For one thing, you never know when he’s coming back, it could be days. Then you’re stuck with feeding him, cleaning up after him.

Said, “I’m heading off to work now. Will see you at the park later?”

“I’ll be there.”

…

This afternoon, as I was approaching the group, I saw Hippo, taller than everyone else. Gave him a wave and he waved back.

“Hi Hippo!” Said, “I haven’t seen you around much.”

“I haven’t been around. Fucked up again.”

“It’s good to see you.”

It’s good to see you, Dennis.”

Shook hands with Little Jake and Steve, sitting on one side of the sidewalk, then shook hands with Jacques, Andre, Joy and Chester on the other side. Joy and Andre were discussing the television program ‘1000 Ways to Die’ (now on YouTube) — the ways that people have accidentally killed themselves — winners of the Darwin Award.

Joy said, “This one woman was masturbating with a carrot. It tore her vaginal wall, she developed an air embolism and died. The title of the video is ‘kill-do’, that’s hilarious. You’ll never see me masturbating with a carrot.”

Andre said, “I saw a television program about the stupid ways that some people have died. This one guy accidentally touched his crotch with a live cable from a battery. He liked the feeling, so he wrapped his penis in tinfoil and plugged it into a live socket in the house. He was electrocuted and died.”

Joy said to Jacques, “Have you got any wine ready to be turned?”

“I don’t have any wine. Oh, you mean at the house? Yes, I have one batch ready to be transferred. Like to transfer a little at a time.”

Steve came over to Jacques and handed him a ticket, probably a liquor violation. “Another one for my wall?” asked Bert. “Must have over a hundred stapled to my wall now, and I have two stuffed envelopes to be put up. I want to take them to my new place. Hope I can get them all down.”

Andre said, “What you need is one of those special staple removers. You’re going to need to fill a lot of holes in your walls before you move out. You can fill the small holes with a bar of soap or a stick of deodorant. It can even be painted over. You’ve got to use the chalky stuff, not the gel.”

Joy said, “The last time I was over at Bert’s, I tried to find my name on that wall. I’m sure I must be there a couple of times.”

“Andre,” I said, “you’ve shaved again.”

“Yeah, I’m trying to clean myself up a bit. Nothing too drastic. I want to set little goals for myself. If I meet one goal, I can set another. If I tried to do it all at once, I’d screw up, for sure.”

Asked, “Did Shakes find his backpack? Did you, have it?”

“No, I was up on Greenwood, the opposite side of town to where Shakes was. Noticed earlier in the day that he was having trouble carrying his bag. Me and some others offered to carry it for him, but he said, ‘I can carry my own damn bag!’ You know Shakes. When you sleep outside, people will just come by and help themselves to your stuff. Know, it’s happened to me.”

Andre asked Hippo, “Where are you staying now.”

“At a hostel in Gatineau. Going for a butt run now, then I’m going back across the bridge.”

Joy said, ” We call that Pepperville.”

To Andre she said, “He said they were feeding him well over there, but he’s lost weight.”

Emile replied, “It’s probably all the walking he’s been doing. It’s a long way from that hostel to here.”

“Joy,” I asked, “Did you mention to me, this morning, that you don’t have any back teeth.”

“Yeah, that’s thanks to boyfriends. Teeth got punched out or broken. When I was in prison the broken, half teeth, got infected. It was considered an emergency, so I had them extracted right away.”

“How are the dentists in there?”

“Some are good, but you can get some real butchers. Love the drugs you get when they put you in the medical ward. I was high all weekend.”

Andre said, “I’ll be able to get all my teeth extracted. I’m just going to get them to put me out. They’re going to help me get some dentures, upper and lower. Most of mine have been knocked out in fights.”

Joy said, “Tomorrow, my worker, Angie, is going to be meeting me, to take me to Elizabeth Fry. She apologized that she couldn’t get the Salvation Army van. We’ll be taking the bus up to Bronson and Gladstone — somewhere around there. We take the number 86. Prefer her to Janice — she seems afraid of me, she’s so uptight. It’s probably because I say it like it is. I don’t pussyfoot around. I´ll tell you what time it is.

“They’re going to be escorting me to every class, usually with the van, so I don’t get breached. That’s the only way I would go to that course. Shouldn’t even be required to take anger management.

“Andre, you and I are going to have to chip in and buy Dennis a new pair of shoes. He could give you the ones he’s wearing for panning shoes.”

 

Exterminator – 24 September 2012

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24 September 2012

From the corner of Metcalfe and Slater, I looked for Joy in her usual spot. I could see a folded blanket on the sidewalk, but no Joy. I waited to see if she had gone into Lorenzo’s Pizza, or the library, to use their washroom. An oversized truck stopped at the traffic lights, blocking my view. When it moved ahead, I saw Joy. Walked over to her.

“Hi Joy, I was looking for you, but didn’t see you here.”

“Weasel and Bear passed by the corner, just before you got there. I didn’t want him to see me. Saw you there, leaning against the post. Couldn’t figure that out.”

“Why didn’t you want to see Weasel?”

“Not just Weasel, any of the guys. They make more money than me, sometimes they’re out panning all day and evening. I’m only here for four hours. First thing in the morning, no matter how much they collected the day before, they come to me for a cigarette. Chester had a carton and supplied me all weekend, because I ran out, but that’s rare. Usually, he’ll come by in the morning, on a butt run and will bum off me.”

“How was your weekend?” I asked.

“Fine, quiet… I’ve got to get out of Chester’s place by Christmas.”

“Did the exterminator come to spray?”

“Yeah, he sprayed alright. We could smell that stuff for three days. It’s really powerful.”

“Are there any bedbugs now?”

“I only saw one in the bathroom. Watched it for a while. It didn’t move, so I threw it in the toilet.”

“Did you squish it and sniff it first?”

“Squished it, but I knew what it was. I didn’t need to sniff it. Jacques got me started sniffing bugs I’d squished. He still has bedbugs. I didn’t know it before then, but bedbugs have a rotten wood smell, that’s how dogs are able to sniff them out. I saw on television. They had a beagle sniffing around a hotel room. He could direct the exterminator to the exact location of the bugs.”

“Seen that too. Do other insects have a distinctive smell?”

“No, just bedbugs. The guy is supposed to come back in two weeks, to a month. Told Chester to make sure it’s two weeks. There’s a final spraying after that.

“Chester’s still putting his clothes back in his dresser drawers. Told him not too, but he wouldn’t listen to me. Last night he offered me a blanket that had been on his bed before they sprayed. Said to him, ‘Thanks, Bud, but no thanks.’ He said, ‘It’s cold, Joy, you should have more to keep you warm.’ Said to him, ‘I’d rather be cold than have to deal with those bugs again.”

“Has your worker contacted you about any available apartments?”

“Not yet, but she’s working on it. Have an appointment with her Wednesday morning. It has to do with the Elizabeth Fry Society and the anger management course I’m supposed to take. She’s going to escort me to every meeting, so I don’t get breached. Probation ends November second.

“Guys, like Andre, keep asking me if I want to share a place with them, if they get one before me. Told him, “For one thing, my name’s higher on the list than yours; I’ve been waiting longer than you have. For another, I just want to be alone.”

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Rain, Rain Go Away – 21 September 2012

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21 September 2012

Rain started Thursday afternoon and is expected to continue through the weekend. I had my umbrella and leather jacket, so I decided to venture to the park. As I was crossing Elgin Street, I met Chester coming the other way. We greeted each other and shook hands.

“Joy’s up there,” he said.

“Great, thanks Chester.”

Standing in a covered doorway, to the underground parking lot, were Jacques, Andre, Little Jake, Joy, Wolf and his dog Shaggy.

Shook hands with Jacques who seemed about to leave. He said to the group, “I’m supposed to meet Shark under the Laurier Bridge.”

Joy said, “I just walked past the bridge. Magdelaine and Alphonse are there, but nobody else.”

“Going there to wait for him, ” said Jacques.

Went to shake Wolf’s hand; he waved me away. “Fuck off, Dennis. I’ll say hello to you later. Right now, I’ve got Jacques leaving. I didn’t even shake hands with him. Joy just stepped on Shaggy, I’ve got to get her settled and out of the rain. Got to find some way of keeping her dry on the way home, all I have is this small umbrella.”

“It’s okay, Wolf, I can see you’re busy.”

Joy said to Andre, “He’s got no right to talk to Dennis that way.”

Andre said, “Joy, just take it easy. Take a few deep breaths and count to ten.”

“Everything’s fine, Joy,” I said, “Don’t worry about me.”

Asked her, “Any news about your apartment?”

“The worker phoned Chester earlier. She said nothing is definite. It could be good news; it could be bad. Have Chester’s phone now. Tried to call them, but they must be at lunch. I’m just waiting for her call now.

“At two o’clock I’m going to meet a friend I haven’t seen for over twenty years.”

“Jake,” I asked, “how is your new apartment?”

“The apartment is great. Got lots of space, now I need furniture. All I have is an air conditioner, still in its box. That’s what I used to sit on, sometimes to eat at. I just slide it around wherever I need it.”

“Andre,” I asked, “How is it going with your apartment application. Have you had any news?”

“Phoned my worker this morning. She wanted me to come in, but I said to her, ‘We’re talking now, just let me know what’s going on. There’s no point me coming in if there’s no need.’ The only positive thing is that on September 27, I get to see a doctor. Have a family doctor of my own. The one I had was from Cornwall, but he died.

“The doctor can verify that I need medical attention and that I need appointments at least six times a month. That way I qualify for a yearly bus pass. He can also sign the papers for O.D.S.P. (Ontario Disability Support Program) and all the other stuff, so I’ll be able to get started on that. Right now, I got nothing.”

“Okay, Dennis,” said Wolf, “Now, I can say hello and shake hands with you. Shaggy is out of the rain and taken care of. This morning, I got a new book and three new dvd’s. After I get home I have enough to keep myself entertained all weekend.”

“What book did you get, Wolf?”

“Can’t remember. It’s all wrapped in plastic in the bottom of Shaggy’s cart.

“What do you think of this weather? It’s really coming down now. This is the worst it’s been and it’s going to keep up like this for three days, so we better get used to it. Brought my umbrella, I’m wearing a raincoat, I’ve got proper shoes on, but I’m still soaked from the crotch down.

“Did they tell you that Bear bit me today? It’s not as bad as the bites I’ve gotten from Shaggy, but it still hurts. Had a proper cover for Shaggy’s cart, but I lent it to Weasel for Bear — anything to get rid of him.”

Joy answered Chester’s phone. Couldn’t hear the conversation. Saw the tears running down her cheeks. She dabbed at them with a paper towel from her pocket.

“Was it bad news, Joy?” Asked, redundantly.

“It’s a no go. Even with that fuckin’ twenty-page contract, they’ve decided they don’t want to work with our program.”

“The father seemed in favor of it, didn’t he?”

“Yeah, it was just the daughter who didn’t want anything to do with us. I don’t know why my worker didn’t have anything else lined up, in case this fell through.”

“She’ll have other places to show you, won’t she?”

“Yeah, it’s no problem.”

“Everything will work out, Joy.”

“Yeah, I know.” She put on a brave face, but another hope was dashed. For now, it’s back to Chester’s place and bedbugs.

I’m presently reading, “The Art of Happiness at Work,” by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler M.D. When asked about self-understanding he said:

“Humility is a good quality, but there can be too much humility. This kind of low self-esteem will have the negative effect of shutting out any possibility for self-improvement, by default, because the tendency of such a person would be to automatically react to the event with the thought, no, I cannot do this.

“In addition, I would also list an agitated state of mind as another obstacle for greater self-understanding. Since self-understanding demands a certain ability to focus on one’s own abilities and personal character, a constantly agitated mind simply will not have the space to enter into any serious self-reflection.

“…when you have low self-esteem, then you underestimate your actual qualities and abilities. You belittle yourself, you put yourself down. This leads to a complete loss of faith in yourself.”

In the same book, Dr. Cutler states, “Low self-esteem and underestimating of one’s abilities can be paralyzing, stifling personal initiative and inhibiting the individual from exploring new opportunities. Ultimately, it can obstruct the realization of one’s full potential, preventing the achievement of one’s goals.”

What I have observed, over the past two years is that what may seem no more than an inconvenience to myself, or other employed people — such as obtaining a birth certificate, a health card, applying for available government assistance programs — may be an insurmountable obstacle to those with mental conditions, alcoholism or other substance dependencies.

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Sun Car – September 2012

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19 September 2012

I wore my leather jacket this morning. I regretted not wearing a sweater underneath and a pair of gloves. Joyb was huddled in a winter coat, wrapped in a blanket, wearing mitts.

“Hi Joy, how’s it going?”

“I’m freezing.”

“Any news about your apartment?”

“Janice left a phone message with Chester yesterday. The guy wasn’t able to bring the contract at noon, but said he’d be there later. So, everything’s still looking good. I’m supposed to meet with Janice at noon.

“Dennis, I just have to get out of that place.” She was near tears. “This morning I found six bedbugs in the bathroom. I saw one walking up Chester’s back towards his neck. I squished it. Now, he has the heebie jeebies about them. See the marks on my wrist. Someone told me that was a spider bite. They’re supposed to be eating the bedbugs, not me. They seem to have their wires crossed.

“The exterminator is coming today, but I said to Chester, ‘You could have had this problem cleared up weeks ago.’

“He finally put Anne’s clothes in a bag on the balcony. They’ll be infested with bed bugs by now. She’s probably the one who brought them in. When I moved in, there were no bugs, but Anne and Trudy had been staying at Nick’s and he has bedbugs.

“Can you watch my stuff for a while. I’m going to try to slip into the pizza place to use their washroom. I’m usually good for once a day, before they start giving me dirty looks.”

While Joy was away, Andre arrived. He said, “I had a bad start to my day. It was raining. I was panning at Shakes’ office when a patrol car pulled up. The cop said, ‘What are you doing, Andre?’ I said, ‘I’ll be honest, I’m just trying to get some money for food. I haven’t even been drinking.’ The cop said, ‘Would you do us a favor? Would you have a look at this building and tell us the number?’ He wrote me a ticket. He said, ‘Since you’ve been honest with us, and since we haven’t seen you panning here before, the ticket is just a warning. We know you guys don’t pay these tickets, and when they go to court they’re usually thrown out, but the law is changing. People with unpaid tickets are going to be doing jail time.'”

“That’s just great! I wouldn’t be panning if I had enough money to eat, let alone pay a ticket. If I had money I’d have a roof over my head. I went to the hut yesterday and Weasel told me that only he and Bear are allowed to stay there now; as if he has a lease on a space behind a dumpster.”

I said to Joy, “I know you have to work, so I’ll leave you now and see you at noon. Bye.”

“See you at noon, Dennis,” said Andre and Joy.

On my way down Metcalfe Street I came across Sunny James.

“Hi Dennis, did you hear Rick Mercer’s rant last night?”

“No.”

“Have you got a minute to listen to it?”

“Sure.”

“So Parliament is back and we learned this week that the cornerstone of Stephen Harper’s fall agenda will be yet another big budgetary omnibus bill. Well of course it will.

“Prime ministers, they love an omnibus bill. Government tables a budget, they know every member of their party has to vote for the budget or they lose their jobs. And let’s face it – a lot of these characters don’t have that many options in this world. And seeing as they know that everyone is going to vote for it, instead of just putting budgetary things in the budget, you know – math, they fill it full of goodies no one’s even heard of before.

“In the last budget, in the jobs budget there was a provision that allows the CIA and the FBI to come across the border and arrest Canadians on Canadian soil. And I know I sound like a conspiracy theorist with a tin foil hat just saying it out loud but it’s true. It happened and there was no debate. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

“Even some of Harper’s own MPs will admit privately that they had no idea what was in that last budget. Just that it was 400 pages. You know how you and I just click “accept” when entering into an iTunes contract? That’s how MPs vote on the budget. And now we find out we’re getting another omnibus bill. Aren’t we lucky? In North Korea they only get one every year.

“And listen don’t take my word for it. One of the most elegant pleas ever made against omnibus bills was made not that long ago in the House of Commons by a handsome young man by the name of Stephen Harper. He said it, omnibus bills are anti-democratic, they’re a slap in the face to MPs and voters.

“See, this fascinates me. Because it’s one thing if you don’t know any better, but he clearly does, he just doesn’t care. Who does that? I wouldn’t want to spend five minutes in that guy’s head for all the money in the world. Because he knows right from wrong here, he’s on record, but he has decided it’s okay to do wrong in order to advance the right. And democracy no longer enters into it.”

“Sunny showed me a picture of a Sun Car, a solar powered car. “How would you like to have one of these parked in your garage?”

“It’s beautiful, Sunny, how much does it cost?”

“As far as the cost is concerned, they will be less expensive, per capita, than the nine billion that the government is spending on sixty-five fighter planes, to bomb other countries and take more lives.

“A friend and I want to start production of these at the GM Auto Assembly Plant in Oshawa. Have you heard that they’re shutting that down? They’re also closing down plants in Windsor and Ottawa. The reason is higher gasoline prices. Unemployment will rise by 3700.

“Dennis, the cops stole all my gear. I just left my cart for a minute to get something to eat, when I got back it was gone. I’d just stocked up for winter. I talked to the cops, they said it was the N.C.C. (National Capital Commission). I don’t believe them. I’ve sent emails to the Mayor and the Councilman for my area. Could you help me to get my stuff back?”

“I don’t know what I can do, Sunny. I’ll look into it and do whatever I can.”

“Thanks, Dennis, anything you could do, I’d really appreciate it.”

…

“Noon at the park was alternately warm and cool; warm when the sun was shining, cool when clouds obscured the sun. The congregation today included Little Jake, Andre, Shakes, Shark, Irene, Outcast, Joy, Wolf and his dog, Shaggy.

I asked Irene, “How do you like your new apartment?”

“It’s beautiful. It’s above Pho Bo Ga Vietnamese Restaurant, near Somerset. You should come over for supper. I made stew. Outcast was over last night.

“We’ve got a huge king size bed. I hardly even know that Shark is there.”

Shark said, “I know Irene’s there every time she punches me in the stomach.”

Shakes  was quiet. wearing a button on which was stamped ‘Stephen Harper Hates Me’, referring to our Prime Minister’s policies concerning the homeless. These buttons were made by the Public Service Alliance of Canada, the largest union representing federal public servants. Employees who wore these buttons to work were asked to remove them. This was considered, by employees, as a violation of their freedom of expression.

I said to Shakes, “Where are you staying now?”

“I’m staying at the Sheps. They won’t let me in at the Salvation Army. I still haven’t heard anything about them getting me an apartment.”

‘Outcast, said, “Are those the jeans you got from Zellers? I hear that you didn’t pay for them.”

“These are the jeans I got from Zellers. My worker gave me the money to pay for them. I had it with me, but there was nobody around, so I just walked out with them.”

Lucy came by in her electric wheelchair. She pulled out her change purse and gave everyone a one dollar coin. James, from the Odawa Center, Bannock Bus, handed out energy bars. He advised everyone of locations where they were providing meals, socks and underwear. He also asked if he could take a group photo for publicity purposes. Everyone obliged. The Odawa Native Friendship Center is a non-profit organization providing services to Ottawa’s Aboriginal Community.

The Bannock Bus is a mobile unit that delivers a hot nutritious meal during the
evenings, Monday to Friday, to Ottawa’s Aboriginal homeless population. The
Bannock Bus fills a void, as most programmes in the city offer lunch but not a meal
in the evening. The Bus travels around the city to the popular hang outs for the
Aboriginal Homeless population. They always have bannock on hand, a traditional
Aboriginal comfort food. The programme also offers referrals, clothing, blankets and
hygiene products for the homeless and those at risk of homelessness.

Outcast said, “I’m mot exactly homeless, I have a roof over my head, but I’m just staying with a friend. She could kick me out any time. We’re just barely scraping by.”

James said, “That’s okay, we also provide services for those at risk of being homeless.”

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Andre Shaved – 18 September 2012

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18 September 2012

This morning, as I was crossing Metcalfe Street, I met Dave.

“Good morning, Dave.”

“Good morning, Dennis. I don’t know if Joy is down there or not.”

“No, I saw someone different there. I don’t know who it is.”

“Have a good day.”

“You too, Dave.”

I was curious to know who was in Joy’s spot. It must be someone she knows, and who knows that she won’t be there — no one else would

dare. As I approached, I recognized William standing, Andre squatting and Joy sitting cross legged on the sidewalk. A lady stopped and

handed Joy a folded five dollar bill.

She said, “This is for yesterday — remember, I said I didn’t have anything with me, but would catch you tomorrow? Well, here I am.”

“I remember. Thank you so much.”

“Bless you,” I said.

Joy said to Andre, “This is kind of embarrassing, but yesterday that lady stopped by. She asked if I’d like a coffee and, maybe, a bagel with cream cheese. I said, ‘What I really need are tampons.’ She was kind enough to get me some.”

“That was nice,” replied Andre.

I asked Joy, “Have you heard anything more about your apartment?”

“Today is the day. They’ve sent the faxes. I find out at noon what the verdict is.”

“Congratulations!” I said.

“We’ll see.”

“Andre,” I said, “you shaved.”

“Yeah, it happens.”

“Have you heard any more about getting an apartment near Jake’s place?”

“No, but I’d sure like to. They have some nice units there.”

“Joy,” I asked, “will you be at the park at noon?”

“I’ll be there with bells on.”

“I’ll leave you then, so you can get some work done.”

“I’ll see you. Now, if I can just get rid of these bozos.”

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