Jonathan Heatt's Blog: Teaching Snapping Turtles - Posts Tagged "read"
Birthday Celebration
The older some people get, the less they celebrate their birthday. Not me. I celebrate my birthday as if it's the last one I'll enjoy. Matter of fact, I celebrate my birthday for the entire month of March. I'll prance around the house in my birthday suit proclaiming, "It's my birthday month, it's my birthday month!"
I was born on March 15, the Ides of March. I'm sure that Julius Caesar would prefer to celebrate his birthday 23 times instead of getting stabbed by that many Roman senators.
I'm not a religious person by any stretch of the imagination, and it would take a pretty big stretch for me to believe in an omnipotent god, but what if there was a great architect who created human beings? I'm not sure what the sole purpose would be, but the senses that human beings are gifted with should not be left to waste. Sight (of a beautiful sunset at Red Rock Canyon), Hearing (someone say, Happy Birthday!), Smell (a birthday dinner and cake), Taste (Big Dog's beers washing down perch), Touch (whatever you like, it's your birthday). My point is to celebrate life instead of rushing through it.
Since I'm a nice guy I'll share all of the cool free stuff you can get on your birthday. If I deserve it, you deserve it! It's getting harder and harder to live with all these damn bills the machinery devises, so rest easy and read to see ways to kick it like a Goodfella on your birthday.
Get on the internet, and sign up for the rewards clubs to these places:
-Grimaldis Pizza. My favorite, get a free pizza on your birthday. Best pizza in Vegas. Go on a Tuesday and get bottles of wine half off. Chianti, Malbec, it doesn't matter, they're all half off! I wish I had a birthday every month.
After Grimaldis I like to hit up Total Wine and use my birthday coupons that save $1 off every 6 pack. My wine-soaked mind enjoys the deal, the more sixers I purchase, the more I save!
-Public School 702: Get $25 free to spend during your birthday month! Chill on the deck on a nice spring day, sip some wine, nibble on an app, and keep your wallet fat.
-Jersey Mike's Subs: Get a free sub and drink for your birthday. The deal is good for a year! I recommend the store on West Flamingo, there's nice people working there. The Big Kahuna Cheesesteak is the lick. Makes a great dinner, or pack a picnic lunch and some vino then hit up Red Rock Canyon or Mount Charleston.
-Rubio's: Sign up and get a free taco. I got a salmon taco that was delicious at 3am after a bit of chronic. They also give you a buy one get one (bogo) coupon for your birthday.
-Big Dog's Brewing Company: Get 20% off on your birthday. I like to have dinner here and sample all of their delicious beers. Las Vegas is starting to blow up with great breweries, and Big Dog's is probably the best.
-Hash House A Go Go: Get a bogo dinner coupon that is good for an entire year. I like to go during happy hour and grub like a man having his last dinner. Who knows when it's time to kick the bucket? A birthday is a celebration of life and when it's my time to go I'll definitely be well-fed.
-Black Bear Diner: Get a free breakfast. A birthday reveler needs strength to celebrate. Start your damn day off right. OJ is extra, but it's the best fresh-squeezed orange juice in Vegas. Tastes so good it doesn't even need vodka.
-Earl of Sandwich: Download the app and get $5 off a sandwich. Downtown Summerlin location is the spot. I walked in, got an original 1762 sandwich to go, saved $5, they gave me a free brownie, and I had enough food for lunch and dinner. Economics 101.
-Smashburger: Download the app and get a free burger with a purchase of a drink. Of course I got a Sam Adams to wash that delicious classic triple double cheeburger down! Smashburger is in the top 5 fast food burgers in Vegas. #1 Fatburger, #2 InandOut Burger, #3 ShakeShack, #4 5 Guys Burger, #5 Smashburger.
-Squeeze Inn: This breakfast spot gives you $10.00 off. Just for being born! Hook up an omelette or burger.
-Red Robin Burger: Free birthday burger good for your entire birthday month. If you've made the mistake of being a teacher then also sign up for their teacher rewards program. Who needs a raise when there's cheeburger cheeburger cheeburger?
-Kona Grill: Get $15 off for your birthday. The Smutterlin well-to-do set likes to see and be seen here. I recommend not showering for a week and post up in the middle of happy hour to throw the yuppies off their equilibrium.
-BJ's: Of course you need a BJ on your birthday, but I'm writing about BJ's Brewhouse! Get a free pizookie on your birthday. Great consolation prize if you're single.
-PF Changs: Get a free app during your birthday month. I don't go here anymore because they ruined their happy hour and make people sit by the smoggy traffic honking by at the corner of Charleston and Ft. Apache. But hey, it's a free app. Grab it if you want.
-Brio: $10 off. Not bad if you pair it with happy hour. Get there early, it gets busy. But the servers are cool and will still hook you up with happy hour in the dining room even if the bar area is full.
-Buca Di Beppo: Get $20 off 40 on your birthday. Sign up and they'll email you offers all the time. I just received another $20 off in April.
-Sammy's Woodfired Pizza: Get a bogo pizza deal. Pair it with 1/2 off wine night on Wednesdays. Henry Hill had to go into witness protection program to eat this well!!
There's a bunch of other deals: Yardhouse, IHop, Jason's Deli, Cold Stone Creamery, Dave & Busters, Rosati's, Sienna, Marcos, Mimi's, Arby's, Del Taco, Hooters, etc. But if you're gonna eat all this then you're going to need some free weed.
-The Apothecarium: One of my favorite dispensaries in Vegas. Get a free preroll with purchase. Refer someone and you both get a free preroll. Free reefer for referral. Somewhere Wayne and Garth are screaming, "We're not worthy, We're not worthy!"
-ShowGrow: My 2nd favorite dispensary. Get a free preroll just for having the audacity to be that one lucky sperm in a million to fertilize an egg. Congrats, smoke on! (and never stop swimming)
-RedBox gives you a free rental on your birthday. Get something trippy, man!
There are probably other birthday deals, but I just listed the best ones. Who needs presents when I just hooked you up with free deals?
You're welcome. With all that money you saved, buy one of my books. They go great with prerolls.
I was born on March 15, the Ides of March. I'm sure that Julius Caesar would prefer to celebrate his birthday 23 times instead of getting stabbed by that many Roman senators.
I'm not a religious person by any stretch of the imagination, and it would take a pretty big stretch for me to believe in an omnipotent god, but what if there was a great architect who created human beings? I'm not sure what the sole purpose would be, but the senses that human beings are gifted with should not be left to waste. Sight (of a beautiful sunset at Red Rock Canyon), Hearing (someone say, Happy Birthday!), Smell (a birthday dinner and cake), Taste (Big Dog's beers washing down perch), Touch (whatever you like, it's your birthday). My point is to celebrate life instead of rushing through it.
Since I'm a nice guy I'll share all of the cool free stuff you can get on your birthday. If I deserve it, you deserve it! It's getting harder and harder to live with all these damn bills the machinery devises, so rest easy and read to see ways to kick it like a Goodfella on your birthday.
Get on the internet, and sign up for the rewards clubs to these places:
-Grimaldis Pizza. My favorite, get a free pizza on your birthday. Best pizza in Vegas. Go on a Tuesday and get bottles of wine half off. Chianti, Malbec, it doesn't matter, they're all half off! I wish I had a birthday every month.
After Grimaldis I like to hit up Total Wine and use my birthday coupons that save $1 off every 6 pack. My wine-soaked mind enjoys the deal, the more sixers I purchase, the more I save!
-Public School 702: Get $25 free to spend during your birthday month! Chill on the deck on a nice spring day, sip some wine, nibble on an app, and keep your wallet fat.
-Jersey Mike's Subs: Get a free sub and drink for your birthday. The deal is good for a year! I recommend the store on West Flamingo, there's nice people working there. The Big Kahuna Cheesesteak is the lick. Makes a great dinner, or pack a picnic lunch and some vino then hit up Red Rock Canyon or Mount Charleston.
-Rubio's: Sign up and get a free taco. I got a salmon taco that was delicious at 3am after a bit of chronic. They also give you a buy one get one (bogo) coupon for your birthday.
-Big Dog's Brewing Company: Get 20% off on your birthday. I like to have dinner here and sample all of their delicious beers. Las Vegas is starting to blow up with great breweries, and Big Dog's is probably the best.
-Hash House A Go Go: Get a bogo dinner coupon that is good for an entire year. I like to go during happy hour and grub like a man having his last dinner. Who knows when it's time to kick the bucket? A birthday is a celebration of life and when it's my time to go I'll definitely be well-fed.
-Black Bear Diner: Get a free breakfast. A birthday reveler needs strength to celebrate. Start your damn day off right. OJ is extra, but it's the best fresh-squeezed orange juice in Vegas. Tastes so good it doesn't even need vodka.
-Earl of Sandwich: Download the app and get $5 off a sandwich. Downtown Summerlin location is the spot. I walked in, got an original 1762 sandwich to go, saved $5, they gave me a free brownie, and I had enough food for lunch and dinner. Economics 101.
-Smashburger: Download the app and get a free burger with a purchase of a drink. Of course I got a Sam Adams to wash that delicious classic triple double cheeburger down! Smashburger is in the top 5 fast food burgers in Vegas. #1 Fatburger, #2 InandOut Burger, #3 ShakeShack, #4 5 Guys Burger, #5 Smashburger.
-Squeeze Inn: This breakfast spot gives you $10.00 off. Just for being born! Hook up an omelette or burger.
-Red Robin Burger: Free birthday burger good for your entire birthday month. If you've made the mistake of being a teacher then also sign up for their teacher rewards program. Who needs a raise when there's cheeburger cheeburger cheeburger?
-Kona Grill: Get $15 off for your birthday. The Smutterlin well-to-do set likes to see and be seen here. I recommend not showering for a week and post up in the middle of happy hour to throw the yuppies off their equilibrium.
-BJ's: Of course you need a BJ on your birthday, but I'm writing about BJ's Brewhouse! Get a free pizookie on your birthday. Great consolation prize if you're single.
-PF Changs: Get a free app during your birthday month. I don't go here anymore because they ruined their happy hour and make people sit by the smoggy traffic honking by at the corner of Charleston and Ft. Apache. But hey, it's a free app. Grab it if you want.
-Brio: $10 off. Not bad if you pair it with happy hour. Get there early, it gets busy. But the servers are cool and will still hook you up with happy hour in the dining room even if the bar area is full.
-Buca Di Beppo: Get $20 off 40 on your birthday. Sign up and they'll email you offers all the time. I just received another $20 off in April.
-Sammy's Woodfired Pizza: Get a bogo pizza deal. Pair it with 1/2 off wine night on Wednesdays. Henry Hill had to go into witness protection program to eat this well!!
There's a bunch of other deals: Yardhouse, IHop, Jason's Deli, Cold Stone Creamery, Dave & Busters, Rosati's, Sienna, Marcos, Mimi's, Arby's, Del Taco, Hooters, etc. But if you're gonna eat all this then you're going to need some free weed.
-The Apothecarium: One of my favorite dispensaries in Vegas. Get a free preroll with purchase. Refer someone and you both get a free preroll. Free reefer for referral. Somewhere Wayne and Garth are screaming, "We're not worthy, We're not worthy!"
-ShowGrow: My 2nd favorite dispensary. Get a free preroll just for having the audacity to be that one lucky sperm in a million to fertilize an egg. Congrats, smoke on! (and never stop swimming)
-RedBox gives you a free rental on your birthday. Get something trippy, man!
There are probably other birthday deals, but I just listed the best ones. Who needs presents when I just hooked you up with free deals?
You're welcome. With all that money you saved, buy one of my books. They go great with prerolls.
Teaching Snapping Turtles
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