R.J. Belle's Blog, page 3
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Incredible as It Seems
There is a magnet on my refrigerator that reads: ���Incredible as it seems, my life is based on a true story.��� I read it frequently, and if I think back over any length of time in my life, I realize how true it is.
I am not going to take you all the way back in this post. I am going to take you back over the past few years because this specific stretch of time marks the years I learned about what love is and what love isn���t. I have learned what it means to allow myself to be loved, as well as what it means to love a man completely. I experienced falling in love; I experienced being completely swept away by love. There is a vast difference, of course, between getting caught up in the right kind of love and getting caught up in the wrong kind, and I���ve done both recently.
Let���s go back to 2013. That year was a long year for me; it���s hard to believe that it only lasted 365 days. I decided to write for publication for the first time. Towards the end of that year, I was not in a great space. That year brought with it, a fair amount of heartache. Although that part of my story isn���t relevant to this post, I believe it���s worth mentioning. Simply stated, I wasn���t in the position emotionally to make the decision I was about to make a few short months into the next year. That brings us to early 2014���
I was dating someone who was wrong for me in every way, and I knew it. I knew that our lifestyles weren���t compatible, but I wanted it to work. I didn���t realize that at the time, taking care of my then eight-year-old and I was really all that I could handle. We were just finding our footing again. We were just starting to fall into a comfortable routine. Against my better judgment, I did what many of us do; I tried to force a square peg into a round hole. I settled. Early in 2014 two big events took place in my life. I published my first novel, and I got engaged.
Engaged. It was an event that I was certain wouldn���t happen again in my life. I had decided that being single was a good place for me. I did better as a single person. I was a better mom, a better producer, I found more peace solo than I had ever found in a relationship. I convinced myself that I wasn���t good relationship material ��� I didn���t have what it took to commit to a long-term endeavor with a man. Attempting to navigate the dating landmine never seemed to work out well for me. I was perfectly content chalking it up to the fact that I was too independent and selfish to share my time with a man. But, I did it ��� I said yes. I said yes to a man who was not a fit for me. You can guess the outcome; it was a disaster for all parties involved. The engagement didn���t last long. I made the decision to end that relationship in about the same amount of time that it took to start it. The aftermath was difficult to navigate as well, I left that failed relationship disappointed in myself and confused as to why a smart girl would make such a dumb move. I beat myself up, I was embarrassed and walked right into a space that was destructive to everything in my life that I loved. All my passions took a back seat for a few months, all but one. I continued to write.
In early 2014, I began working on a non-fiction project. I didn���t know then that the project would not only keep me sane through that failed relationship, but also change my life in ways that it needed to change. I was all caught up in feeling like a failure and wallowing in self-pity. I was also interviewing people who had every reason to be in that space but instead, they were out there doing things, moving on with their lives, moving forward with purpose, intentionally. It was a gift that they, those men and women who sat and shared their stories with me, will never know they gave. It was the fuel I needed to change my attitude. And my attitude did begin to change; everything began to change.
The first day that I visited Freedom Station I, by chance, ran into a man who is now part of my story. I went to Freedom Station that day to meet the director and talk with her about donating a portion of the proceeds of a fiction book that I was writing to her organization. I spent a better part of the day at the facility, and before I left, I made two commitments. I committed to donating a portion of Second Sight, but also to write a book just for Freedom Station. That was one of the best decisions I have ever made.
I can remember that day so clearly, everything about it ��� all I saw and learned and mostly all the things that I felt. When I arrived at the facility, I waited outside of a locked gate to the entryway, trying to reach the director by phone. As I stood outside the gate, I watched as a car pulled up in front and parked. The car had purple heart plates, and I assumed it was one of the men who resided at Freedom Station. I tried to be discreet while taking in the sight of him getting out of his car and walking to the gate. He seemed oblivious to the fact that I was standing there waiting to enter. I was so fascinated with my view that I didn���t say anything ��� I just stood there, speechless and in awe of the man before me. He used a code to open the gate and entered the facility. I looked away and tried to call the director again. Within a few minutes, the director called me and said she would send one of her ���warriors��� down to let me in. Who do you think she sent? Yes, it was him. He came back down to the front gate but this time he wasn���t walking on his prosthetic legs, he was in his chair. As the gate opened he, asked, ���Why didn���t you tell me you were waiting to get in?���
���I didn���t want to bother you,��� I replied.
���It was a bigger bother to come back down here and let your ass in,��� he responded and then turned and rolled back to his cottage.
That was my first introduction to Toran.
Fast-forward several months and a few more encounters with Toran. I became involved with Freedom Station and attended many events, a few that he also attended. He seemed guarded and didn���t pay much attention to me. I still felt like an ass ��� first impressions are important, and I assumed he hadn���t forgotten our first meeting. Those months were spent figuring out the Freedom Station book, and it morphed into something much bigger than originally intended. At some point, the decision was made to interview some of Freedom Station���s success stories. I was going to spend time interviewing some of the Warriors and including their stories in the book. Toran was one of the ones chosen. I suppose the truest sentence to write here, is that I was the one chosen.
I was nervous when it came time to interview Toran. I remember driving to Freedom Station that evening like it was yesterday. When I arrived at his cottage, I was instantly aware of our connection ��� it was immediate, and it was powerful. This interview was much different than the others. I felt like I had known him my whole life. After a few minutes of shallow chatter, I turned on my recorder, and we got started. Early into the interview, he said something that will stay with me forever. It struck me like arrow piercing my soul; it woke me up from the complacency I had adopted.
���I do this because some woman, somewhere might pick up an article or a book and read this, and she might be at the end of her rope. Maybe she will read this and think her life isn���t so bad. Maybe she will read this and know she can go on, too.���
Maybe it was because he referenced a ���woman��� or maybe it was just what I needed to hear at the time. Maybe he referenced a woman because he was talking to me, and I am a woman ��� I don���t know. What I do know is that I left with a different mindset than when I arrived. His story is undoubtedly an amazing one, but it was more than his story that affected me that evening. It was everything about him. It was everything about us. It was an awakening for me ��� one that I needed and at the very moment that I needed it most. It was a breath of fresh air. It was a kiss at the very core of my being. It was everything and nothing all at the same time. It was the most magical moment of my life. It changed me. He changed me. Knowing him changes me every day. And so began our journey.
The next few months are a blur. A lot changed in my life, in fact, just about everything in my life changed. The more time I spent with Toran, the stronger our bond became. I knew he was my forever; I just didn���t know how we would get there. The process by which that happened – is still happening – has been enlightening, frightening and challenging. Most of all it has shown me a strength of the human spirit that I didn���t know existed. It has shown me a side of myself that I didn���t know I had, and it has shown me what real, true, raw love looks like, and how it feels. It’s easy to be loving, happy and grateful when life is good, when all is well, and when nothing is broken. To feel and express those emotions while daily life is a struggle ��� well, that is a feat that many are never able to pull off. I consider myself unbelievably lucky to walk through Toran���s days with him. To see him at his best and his worst – to watch all of the in-between. For myself and those in my close circle to be able to witness what his daily life consists of, and how beautifully he pulls it off, is a gift that I wish more people could experience. Every day brings new experiences, and every morning I pinch myself ��� I can���t believe this is my life. I can���t believe I get to do this every day ��� I get to be in the presence of a man who shines such a bright light. It is surreal most days. I keep expecting to wake up and go through a regular day ��� a day of nothing particularly eventful ��� you know, just an average day. As far as I can tell there is no such thing as an average day with Toran. Every day is a crazy mix of adding to my gray hair and having my heart beat so fast and hard that I think it might burst. This is what love is supposed to be. How did I get to be the one? I ask myself this question, too. I have quit trying to answer it though. I don���t care why or how anymore; I am just thankful to be here.
Here we are at today, and today is an awesome day. I spout a lot of quotes. Some days I feel like I don’t recite anything original. The quote, which sums up my time with Toran, is one of my favorites.
���Just when you think it can���t get any better, it can.���
This past weekend, Toran made the next step in our forever happen when he asked me to marry him. My last name will be changing, and he did it in true Toran fashion ��� he did it big. I���m not going to share that whole story here because it deserves a post all its own. The day resembled a best-seller turned movie screen love story, I think Nicholas Sparks might have competition. I am not a fan of chick-flick’s, but I will admit, it was magical and sappy with a sprinkle of Hallmark. I loved every second of it. I have never been happier. I have never felt so loved, cared for and cherished. I finally know what true love is, and I know with him, this is just the beginning.
Incredible as it seems, my life is based on a true story.
And, oh, what a story it is!
Happy writing,
RJ
��
December 21, 2014
Its the Little Things
Originally posted on author r.j. belle:
There���s a saying that many of us frequently use; ���It���s the little things.��� This story is about how big the little things can be. This story is about companies that put the customer before the bottom line. This story is about the power of kindness.
Recently I had the opportunity to witness a small act of kindness as well as the ripple effect that one small gesture created. It is often the little things that end up bringing large amounts of happiness. I believe that many of us get so lost in our day-to-day grind, rushing here and there, taxing our hours and filling our days so full that we rarely have time to stop and be present. We forget to be still, and mindful of the beauty out there just waiting to be seen ��� waiting to be shared and felt. Somewhere along the way we forgot about the���
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December 19, 2014
Its the Little Things
There’s a saying that many of us frequently use; ���It���s the little things.��� This story is about how big the little things can be. This story is about companies that put the customer before the bottom line. This story is about the power of kindness.
Recently I had the opportunity to witness a small act of kindness as well as the ripple effect that one small gesture created. It is often the little things that end up bringing large amounts of happiness. I believe that many of us get so lost in our day-to-day grind, rushing here and there, taxing our hours and filling our days so full that we rarely have time to stop and be present. We forget to be still, and mindful of the beauty out there just waiting to be seen ��� waiting to be shared and felt. Somewhere along the way we forgot about the importance of human connection. We forgot that human connection can happen anywhere, with anyone ��� if we just give a minute of our time to stop and think about others. A foreign concept – I know. It isn’t the norm – to put the needs or feelings of another, especially a stranger, above our needs and feelings. I think it is a concept that we need to re-familiarize ourselves with. I believe that is important for all of us, collectively as a society and individually. I believe that in this strange, disconnected time that we currently live in, the concept is more important than it ever has been before.
One day last week, my boyfriend was having a particularly rough day. He lost his wallet. After tearing his car and house apart, and with his frustration level growing, he gave in and drove to my office so I could search his car. Four eyes are better than two I told him, desperately hoping that I was on to something. I was praying that I would be able to find it hidden, tucked away in some small crevice in his BMW. When he arrived at my office complex, he parked in a tight parking spot between two other cars. As I approached his BMW in the parking lot, I could tell that he was too close to the cars on either side of his BMW for me to search for the wallet. I would be unable to open all the doors wide enough to conduct a thorough search. I asked him to move into a bigger space. As he began to back out, a loud smashing sound filled the parking lot and a horn from a car alarm began to fill the air with it���s annoying, fast-paced honking. The look on his face broke my heart. I instantly felt guilty for insisting that he move to another space.
Toran moved to a larger space, parked and got out of his BMW. He was visibly shaken, and I watched the frustration on his face turn to anger ��� then turn into a look of defeat. He didn���t care about his car. He was worried about the car he hit, upsetting its owner and the insurance claim ramification of the accident. He looked at me and said, ���this day couldn���t get any worse.���
I knew as the statement left his mouth that he, of all people, knew that things can always get worse. I reminded him of that. It was horrible timing for that trite piece of wisdom to leave my mouth ��� especially because I was saying it to him.
Let me tell you about ���him.��� Toran is his name. He is the most amazing human being I have ever known. He inspires many with his story. I am in a unique position and have been blessed to come to know him intimately ��� in a way that most people don���t. I get to spend days from sun up to sun down with him. I have a front row seat. I watch what he does, what it takes for him to do every. single. thing. I watch it all in amazement mostly at the fact that the smile rarely leaves his face and that he somehow makes it seem effortless. The simple things like getting ready to leave the house, driving, going out to dinner, walking up stairs���I could go on and on about all the things most of us do all day, every day, without a thought as to how. For him though, all of these minor things require great effort. I watch sometimes and ponder what my attitude would look like if I were in his shoes. I would like to think I could pull it off with a smile, but the truth is – I know I couldn���t. I would be a raving bitch. That knowledge makes me fall deeper in love with him every day.
Back to my story ��� so, I got down on my knees and searched under the seats of his BMW, looked under floor mats, forced my hand down on the sides of the center console���I looked everywhere. The wallet wasn���t there. The alarm horn blasting from the car he hit was still going, sweat was beading on his head and he was becoming more and more upset. I went into mom-mode ��� the mom���s out there know what I mean. I took one of his business cards and wrote a note on the back and put it on the windshield of the white Honda that he had hit. As I walked back towards Toran, he was looking down shaking his head.
���You know how people are, I���m screwed and my insurance is going to go up,��� he said.
I am not sure that I believed what I was saying when I told him that doing the right thing (leaving his info for the car owner) would serve him best in the long run.
���When you do good, good comes back to you,��� I told him.
Toran and I spent the better part of that afternoon canceling his credit and bank cards and then he got to spend the rest of that day replacing his military ID and drivers license. He called me a few times that afternoon, still worried about the Honda owner and I assured him that I would take a better look at the damage when I left my office that night.
I left my office and made my way to the parking lot, by then it was nearly empty but the white Honda was still there. I walked to the passenger side and bent down to get a better look when I heard a voice in the distance ask, ���You like my car?���
I jumped a bit and stood up as she was approaching.
I introduced myself and explained what happened earlier that day. I also explained who hit her car. To my surprise, the kind woman, named Stephanie, said she was completely open to handling this privately if that is what we chose to do. She offered to get an estimate and let us know the dollar amount of the repairs to her Honda. She told me that her son was a Marine and asked me to thank Toran for his service.
I was excited to tell Toran about how kind the woman was and what she had agreed to. The fact that he might not have to file an insurance claim made him happy and if that was where this story ended ��� it would have been good enough. But as we all know, things can always get better.
Stephanie took her Honda to Fix Auto in Poway, California to get an estimate for repairing the damage. Her Honda was assigned to a tech who had started working with Fix Auto only one month earlier. His name is Justin McCann.
Stephanie told Justin the story and after a short wait Justin brought the Honda back up front, repaired beautifully, and looking brand new. What Justin and Fix Auto did next is where the beauty in this story shines brightest. Justin handed the keys of the Honda back to Stephanie and told her that the repair was done and free of charge. When Stephanie relayed the news to Toran and I, we were both taken aback at the generosity of Justin and Fix Auto.
The end of this story brings us full circle. Toran was grateful and deeply touched. For Stephanie���s willingness to get an estimate and allow him the opportunity to take care of it without involving insurance. Also, for the gesture by Justin and Fix Auto to handle the repair and ask for nothing in return. They just wanted to help out a Veteran. And they did.
I wish I could share the image of Toran���s smile that day ��� I wish you could have seen how happy that simple act of kindness made him.
The day we found out about the free repair; I contacted Fix Auto, and we arranged a thank-you lunch for the following week. Lynn at Fix Auto was sweet enough to play along and let the shop know that a ���vendor��� was bringing the office lunch. Justin had no idea that Toran was going to come thank him in person.
Fix Auto Poway’s owner, Gary Leger, all of the technicians and office staff piled into the conference room today and shared lunch while watching a surprised Justin – publically thanked by a grateful Veteran. As the scene unfolded, I snapped a few photos and tried to hold my tears in.
It’s not every day that you get the opportunity to watch the power of kindness in its full glory ��� bringing smiles, touching lives and bonding humans in real-time, real-life connection. It is a beautiful thing.
It���s the little things.
-RJ
Fix Auto Poway,��13175 Gregg Street, Poway, CA 92064, 858-842-3075
Lunch by Jersey Mike’s, Poway
