Clark Hays's Blog - Posts Tagged "zombies"
Zombie Sex
Zombie versus vampire: Who’s better in the bedroom?
Note: Here's a little something we wrote for the Cocktails and Books blog.
When it comes to paranormal fiction, vampires and zombies are hot. Vampires have been with us for centuries in myths and legends and for about 200 years in their current incarnation, thanks to Poliodori and later, Bram Stoker. Zombies are, by comparison, relative new comers; the current iteration only dates back to the late 1960s and Romero’s Night of the Living Dead. But despite their shambling footsteps, they seem to be everywhere these days — movies, books, graphic novels, corporate America.
The one place zombies are conspicuously absent? Romantic leads.
You won’t find any zombies in our books, The Cowboy and the Vampire: A Darkly Romantic Mystery and Blood and Whiskey, but not because we have anything against the living dead. It’s just that they don’t really lend themselves to romance or even erotic horror. Cowboys are almost too easy with their muscles, rough hands, gentle hearts and tight blue jeans. There’s a strong case to be made for cowgirls, too. And vampires have been steaming up the pages ever since Dracula caused Lucy to get all tingly inside and the sexy vampire sisters got all up in Jonathan Harkers’ libido.
Sultry vampires, the bad boys and girls of the paranormal world, are far more conflicted, sexy and fun to work with than the current headliner — zombies. Here’s a quick run down of pluses and minuses of sexing up vampires and zombies:
-- Vampires have coffin breath and eternal bed-head. (Minus one for the undead.)
-- Zombies want you for your brains, not your body. (Plus one for the living dead.)
-- Vampires have voracious sexual appetites and the males have what we like to call “resur-erections” — they can come back from the dead again and again. (Plus one for the vampires. Make that plus two.)
-- Zombies are into the group thing – the ménage a trARRGGGGGGRRRHHHH. (Uhm, let’s say group sex is neutral.)
-- After a wild night, vampires don’t mind disappearing during the day to give you a little space. (Vampires, plus one.)
-- When zombies slip you a little tongue, you can keep it. (Ewww, minus one.)
-- Vampires leave you feeling drained, usually not in the good way. (Neutral; it’s totally worth it.)
-- Zombies have unintentionally removable appendages. That can be … awkward. (Minus one.)
-- Vampires are experienced in the ways of seduction and dark arts of pleasure. (Plus one, unless you are the jealous type, which we are, so probably minus one.)
-- Zombies tend to have much shorter life spans and forget even the basic moves, like lights out/missionary. (Minus one; shake it up a little zombies.)
-- Vampires clean up well and you can take them almost anywhere, except on a lunchtime picnic where they would likely burst into flames. (Plus one except for when they ignite, then it’s minus two.)
-- Zombies are putrefying hulks of rotting flesh and no amount of body spray can cover up that smell. (Minus one.)
If you tally it all up, you can see why vampires make it into the bedrooms of so many unsuspecting victims while zombies are left on the outside looking in ... often through the window with a bunch of their pals, groaning and leaving bloody, chunky streaks on the glass. That’s not sexy. Someone has to clean that up.
For more ... tasteful sex scenes, check out our latest book, Blood and Whiskey. You won't find any zombies, but there are plenty of sexy vampires.
Note: Here's a little something we wrote for the Cocktails and Books blog.
When it comes to paranormal fiction, vampires and zombies are hot. Vampires have been with us for centuries in myths and legends and for about 200 years in their current incarnation, thanks to Poliodori and later, Bram Stoker. Zombies are, by comparison, relative new comers; the current iteration only dates back to the late 1960s and Romero’s Night of the Living Dead. But despite their shambling footsteps, they seem to be everywhere these days — movies, books, graphic novels, corporate America.
The one place zombies are conspicuously absent? Romantic leads.
You won’t find any zombies in our books, The Cowboy and the Vampire: A Darkly Romantic Mystery and Blood and Whiskey, but not because we have anything against the living dead. It’s just that they don’t really lend themselves to romance or even erotic horror. Cowboys are almost too easy with their muscles, rough hands, gentle hearts and tight blue jeans. There’s a strong case to be made for cowgirls, too. And vampires have been steaming up the pages ever since Dracula caused Lucy to get all tingly inside and the sexy vampire sisters got all up in Jonathan Harkers’ libido.
Sultry vampires, the bad boys and girls of the paranormal world, are far more conflicted, sexy and fun to work with than the current headliner — zombies. Here’s a quick run down of pluses and minuses of sexing up vampires and zombies:
-- Vampires have coffin breath and eternal bed-head. (Minus one for the undead.)
-- Zombies want you for your brains, not your body. (Plus one for the living dead.)
-- Vampires have voracious sexual appetites and the males have what we like to call “resur-erections” — they can come back from the dead again and again. (Plus one for the vampires. Make that plus two.)
-- Zombies are into the group thing – the ménage a trARRGGGGGGRRRHHHH. (Uhm, let’s say group sex is neutral.)
-- After a wild night, vampires don’t mind disappearing during the day to give you a little space. (Vampires, plus one.)
-- When zombies slip you a little tongue, you can keep it. (Ewww, minus one.)
-- Vampires leave you feeling drained, usually not in the good way. (Neutral; it’s totally worth it.)
-- Zombies have unintentionally removable appendages. That can be … awkward. (Minus one.)
-- Vampires are experienced in the ways of seduction and dark arts of pleasure. (Plus one, unless you are the jealous type, which we are, so probably minus one.)
-- Zombies tend to have much shorter life spans and forget even the basic moves, like lights out/missionary. (Minus one; shake it up a little zombies.)
-- Vampires clean up well and you can take them almost anywhere, except on a lunchtime picnic where they would likely burst into flames. (Plus one except for when they ignite, then it’s minus two.)
-- Zombies are putrefying hulks of rotting flesh and no amount of body spray can cover up that smell. (Minus one.)
If you tally it all up, you can see why vampires make it into the bedrooms of so many unsuspecting victims while zombies are left on the outside looking in ... often through the window with a bunch of their pals, groaning and leaving bloody, chunky streaks on the glass. That’s not sexy. Someone has to clean that up.
For more ... tasteful sex scenes, check out our latest book, Blood and Whiskey. You won't find any zombies, but there are plenty of sexy vampires.
