Evan Mahoney's Blog, page 5

11.17.19Two nights ago, I dreamed I was dying a natural d...

11.17.19
Two nights ago, I dreamed I was dying a natural death
From an apneatic sleep I emerged in sleep paralysis, I had no power to move my arms. My wife was near but I had no power to call out.
I realized I was dying and in my last breaths. Realizing dying, Fear emerged, one of the last powers of expression. Soon, not even the power to fear would be.   
I couldn’t call out to my wife and I had no power in my limbs. My breath was deficient and I was certain of death.  
“Jesus” I called out in my mind, at my last exertion. A bright light flashed and I awakened.
Yesterday, the day after this dream experience, I was concerned, reconciled to death.  I arranged some matters with my wife and meditated upon the Lungs and Heart.
In last night’s dream I was in a condo which was in the midst of renovations. I was concerned about the toilet facilities. There was disrepair all around.
I watched as my neighbor dumped a tractor trailor loaded with a large and expensive excavating machine into the swampy ground next to our house.  “It is destroyed,” I thought.  Then another  load of machines were dumped into the swamp. I was incredulous at my neighbor who had done this.  Now in front of me, he was unconcerned, unapologetic as he dissembled away.
I looked back to the toilet and noticed the room had undergone an improvement, a blue floor and blue chairs were partially laid out.
In my next dream I was in the company of three gentlemen friends of mine. I was conducting them on a tour of my neighborhood and shooting basketball free throws in my house. I made a particularly nice long distance swish using a low arc throw.  My friends were impressed and happy and I was glad of their company.  It was heartfelt company. 
This morning I woke and meditated upon the Heart and Lung. It is the first cold morning of the season. A chill wind is blowing as l do my breathing exercises.
After breakfast I lie on the couch and meditate with Plucky on my lap.  From the Heart / Lung I go to the Liver and then to the Kidney. Winter is emerging. I am in my crocs and socks but still feel strongly the trace of Qi along my left foot. Kidney channel and Liver B+ reducing points.
Even with gloves on my hands are ice cold when I touch my wife’s face. Ice cold, but I can feel Qi.  I demonstrate to my wife the colors of my fingers.  I tell her of my once cold hands that turned purple from knuckle to knuckle in weather such as this. Though ice cold, my hands and fingers are bright red and pink.
Meditation upon Kidney’s, warmth arises. Qi as ever opens anew in my chest.
This was not my first experience of being in final breath.  It has happened several times before. I feel comforted knowing what it is like to die a natural death. I called out to Jesus and felt near and close to entering heaven.  There was no regret for what I was leaving behind in that final moment.
I was forward looking to a coming bright light, but back in I go to worldly attachment.  Signified by the Lung, Heart, Liver, and psycho somatic Kidneys in my dreams.

*****



Misfortune’s Paradise
Misfortune was with me at birth, a malformation and weak willed sinful nature.  It is why I have no children.  Into adulthood, I was failing.   My sickness was my character.  My school friends turned their backs to me.  To my great shame, in hindsight I realize I was the bad influence on them. We encouraged ourselves to marijuana, alcohol, and rock and roll.   Great numbers of friends I hosted numerous times at parties in my parent’s house. Today, none acknowledge me as a friend. 
My bones are crushed as if into asphalt. My misfortune is worse than Job’s. I was the bad character. Rightfully, I have been forgotten.
God has crushed me my whole life, but Misfortune has its Paradise. Angels saved me. I am thankful for my Christian neighbors in youth and throughout life, whom by example I was given God’s instruction.
Repeatedly we are told to hear and listen with an instructed ear.  On the radio I am reminded per Paul, to not be argumentative and then encouraged to continue to learn and study the word of God. This morning 12.1.19 at Cape Christian Church, Pastor Jonah preached a message of Jacob wrestling with God. God renamed him from Jacob the deceiver, Jacob the heel grabber, to Israel, he who wrestled with God.  The message is another moment of God’s synchronicity in my life for feeling how crushed I had become. I, like many Christians have wrestled with God.    
From my youth, I think I knew I was to become a hermit. A hermit I became and was crushed by its loneliness.
Misfortune has its Paradise.  I was brought into meditation which saved me and changed my life.I sit in the chair and meditate with Qi upon my ever growing, expanding, perfecting self.  I have a revival of hope, though I am aware with knowledge.
“Crushed will I be, yet sweet is my life, in Misfortune’s Paradise.”
Praising God for crushing me.
Resurrection by Spleen, Lung, Kidney, Heart, etc…