Rani Bora's Blog, page 2

Surviving to Thriving – the uncommon facts!

Next week (8-14th of May) is “Mental Health Awareness Week” and the theme for this year is “Surviving to Thriving”.

It is good to know that the focus this time is on health and resilience instead of ill-health. However, the key message seems to be that we need to DO something to prevent ill-health and become more resilient.

Mental health and resilience are innate:

Becoming health conscious and leading a healthy lifestyle is a great idea and something to be encouraged. Every health professional would thoroughly recommend this.

And yet, our motivation to make healthy choices and engage in healthy strategies do dwindle from time to time. This is part of being human.

To try to keep mentally fit and healthy is equally challenging if not more. Also, healthy coping strategies to help us keep calm and relaxed seem to have a track record of not working most of the time. This is especially true when we need them the most.

Tools and techniques may work for some. But most of the time they act like quick-fixes for specific problems. They do not seem to offer a long-term solution for our psychological distress or suffering. The moment we stop practicing our tools or techniques, we are back to square one.

Is there anything out there that can provide a long-term solution?

I interviewed Mary Schiller towards the end of last year. I was keen to interview her as she was someone who was ‘not surviving, but thriving’. She is someone who had previously suffered from domestic violence and abuse and who then went on to experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD.

Mary narrates her story with a great deal of openness and authenticity – I have great admiration and respect for her. If she can thrive, surely, we all can take confidence in the power of our innate ability to experience healing and recovery no matter what our personal story is.

I encourage you to hear Mary’s transformational journey from being a victim of domestic violence, diagnosed with PTSD to becoming an author of 7 books, beginning a career as a coach and making a difference in the world!

If you are touched and inspired by her story, do leave a comment below and feel free to share using the following hashtags –

#mentalhealthawareness #innatehealth

You can learn more about Mary Schiller’s work at https://maryschiller.com

Warmest wishes and love

Rani

You Cannot Fail at Being Yourself

We tend to be our worst critic. We cast a glance at ourselves and notice our imperfections. We judge ourselves for all kind of things – our appearance, our attitude, our state of mind, “losing it” with our loved ones, being disorganised and not getting work done on time.

We may long to be the “perfect” (or ‘near-perfect’) parent, partner, son/daughter, employee/employer, business person and so on. Most of us wish we made the right choices and got things right all the time. And yet most of us seem to keep failing to reach the standards we set for ourselves – that’s when we judge ourselves yet again.

But, we also intuitively realise that there is no such thing as the “perfect human being”. And, yet so many of us will admit to being a perfectionist

Can we avoid overthinking?

“I know I do a lot of thinking. Can you tell me what I can do to think less?”

That is such a common question I am asked during Coaching and Innate Resilience training sessions.

That tells me two things –

When we identify a problem, we start looking for solutions. We get in the “fix-it” mode and that involves doing something.
We want to feel good. Overthinking can be anxiety provoking and overwhelming. These are not comfortable feelings. We want to do something to stop overthinking so that we can start feeling better.

Most people seem to understand that the more they think, the more cluttered the mind gets. Doing something does seem to help.

Activities such as cycling back from work seem to declutter the mind as does going for a walk or having a swim. Exercise does help release endogenous endorphins, the “happy” hormones and we do end up feeling better.

However, there are days when we may have engaged in these activities and still not felt any better. We may have taken the same scenic route back from work, the sun may be shining, we may have done an intensive workout. And yet, we haven’t been able to shift our thinking.

So what can we do? Here’s my answer –

There is nothing better we can do to stop overthinking than doing nothing to stop overthinking.

People struggle with this. Surely we need to be pro-active, right?

Yes, and No…

We can’t get rid of overthinking by adding more layers of thinking, even if they are positive thoughts. When we give up trying to fix our thinking, the thinking quietens down by itself. That’s the nature of thought.

Thoughts come and go. The more attention we give them, the more they seem to grow. The more we think our thoughts are true, the more they appear true. The more we try to get rid of thoughts, resist them, the more they stick around…

…until we stop trying!

Then almost magically, thinking shifts…as if the system self corrects when left to its own devices. When it comes to fixing overthinking, the less you consciously get involved, the better!

Love and regards,

Rani

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The Healing Power of Lightheartedness

I recall a particular day when I was spending some time with one of my patients in the hospital grounds some time ago. He used to spend most of the time in his room and conversations I had with him in my office tended to be very brief, as he hardly had anything to say. He used to be a tree surgeon prior to becoming unwell. It was a warm and sunny day and we sat down on a bench. I started a general conversation about nature and trees and how beautiful the day was. We spotted some squirrels running around near the trees and it was a lovely sight. He suddenly became very animated and with twinkle in his eyes asked me to look at two squirrels at a close distance from us. “Look, look!” he exclaimed. “They are talking to each other”. And they sure looked like they were having a good chat. We both smiled and continued to watch the adorable squirrels as they played hide and seek around the trees. He was fascinated by the squirrels and I was fascinated by his sudden shift in mental state. It was almost as if during those few minutes, he forgot all about his worries and his illness and simply enjoyed being in the moment. Later I pointed out to him the role of lightheartedness in changing our state of mind. He agreed that he felt different. A few days later he approached me saying he wanted to show me something. He then brought out a magazine from his room. On the front cover it said something in the lines of why being in nature was good for health. He said that the moment he saw the magazine in the shop, the lines on the cover just spoke to him. He instantly knew that he needed to spend some more time in nature.

This is a simple illustration of how just allowing ourselves to be lighthearted can help shift our mood state. When we feel low or anxious in mood, we seem to get very serious about most things. It feels as if we cannot give ourselves permission to see the funny side of things or take a break from our low or anxious state. And yet, doing so is therapeutic and helps us bounce back to a better state of mind.

~ Rani

The only difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude

No one wants to have a bad day. And yet we can’t escape having one, from time to time. So if our attitude indeed makes a massive difference and we want to have a good day, surely we need to work on our attitude and think positive right? Surely we need to find some good tools and techniques and look at dealing with our negative attitude once and for all? Well, there is no harm in trying and you might see some results in the short term. However no tool or technique will work 100% of the time. It will also be tiring to stand guard at the door, so to speak, judging our attitude towards this, that and the other all the time and fixing it so that we have a good day. Trying to do so and trying to look at the brighter side of things can be hard, take up most of our energy and of little use. We will get caught off guard at some point and our attitude can be affected. Doesn’t mean it is our fault (or anyone else’s) or that we need to feel guilty about this.

It is helpful to know that our attitude changes with our state of mind and vice versa. Our state of mind changes throughout the day. If we are in a good state and feeling good, automatically our attitude is a positive one. We enjoy being in a flow state, compassionate and loving. We are also great to be around. If we are in a low state of mind and feeling bad, automatically our attitude becomes a negative one and we have a bad day. We react and become snappy or moody, we make harsh comments about others and not great to be around.

It is useful to remember that any state of mind is only temporary. Hence even our attitude is temporary (some people seem to have a more sustained negative or positive attitude. This depends on choices people make and what they choose to believe in at a core level)

We don’t have to try hard to change a bad day to a good day. If it happens effortlessly (or with relative ease) that’s great. We need to trust that the bad day is only temporary and that a good day is just round the corner. States of mind will fluctuate depending on visible or invisible thoughts that may be playing in the background of our mind. We don’t need to work on these thoughts and analyse them or change them to change our attitude. At some point a natural shift occurs. This occurs when we don’t keep playing and replaying the same stale thoughts again and again. It is as if somehow by us not working on our attitude or state of mind, there is more room for fresh thoughts to come in through the door. We then effortlessly bounce back to a better state of mind, a better attitude.

So yes, what makes a difference between a good day and a bad day seems to be our attitude or state of mind. But let’s make it okay to have a bad day too and not judge ourselves too harshly. When we learn to do so, we will also feel more empathy for others having a bad day.