Conor Robinson's Blog

New Website

Hello all. The website for Australia author Conor Robinson has moved to a new location at crprojects.net.au. Please visit my new website for any information about my books.

Thanks!

crprojects.net.au

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Meat Politics – Short Story

How I will change the world by eating meat – A short story by Conor Robinson

I will vocally advocate meat in all its forms, the industry that provides it and the human urge that sustains it. I will take my message to the virtual world of the masses. I will quest to eat every legal form of meat available to man, and publicize my exploits afterwards.

Pro-meat groups and folk the world over will flock to my message. Two legged carnivores both large and small, male and female, loud and proud will repost my rage filled blogs, link my rant clogged youtube clips, share my vegetable hating lies and drop my quotes into hazardously youthful conversation.

Slowly I will become more extreme, my flock will swell and their devotion will increase. I will be an escape for every person who has ever been made to feel guilty for savouring the animal flesh that has become a symbol of the developed world.

I will scour the globe for flimsy evolutionary evidence that we are chewing to nature’s law, for renowned nutritionists who support the juicy sustenance that is our staple, for horror stories of vegans suffering from malnutrition, for tales of how a child’s development needs nutrients that only meat can provide. With all of this I will build both my armour and sword.

I will scorn the cow until it’s on my plate, I will curse the lamb lest it be in the oven, I will ridicule the chicken if it’s out of the pot, and I will ignore the fish, assuming overfishing will sort that out in a few generations anyway.

To the blood hungry I shall be a messiah, a figurehead, spokesman and general. I will become the nemesis of all flower children, informing them they missed the sixties. I will become the boogieman vegan parents scare their children with and the bane of livestock everywhere.

In debates I shall use every nasty skill I possess; I shall hack and slash any paltry argument thrown against me, where logic fails I will barge through with vaguely considered statistics and disreputable facts. My foes will fall one after the other, their iron-deficient arguments toppling against my widely adored meat madness.

During this battle, year after year the muscular host will charge with me, gleefully bathing in the gore that our pasty opposition flinches away from, as we are no strangers to blood. Together our powerful roar will drown out the empathic, the politically correct and the kind. Those undecided in the fight will join us or be trampled beneath our leather boots.

And then, I will change the game.

On the eve of our greatest victory, televised across the globe, watched by all the faithful and unconvinced, I will take my podium, shark like smile glinting in the stage light. A cheer from the Host will lift the rafters as I favour them with a bow.

The opposition will throw forward another lamb to the slaughter who nervously climbs his podium, shuffles his papers, adjusts his specs and clears his throat. Behind me the gleaming eyes of my entourage watch eagerly, waiting for the prey to stumble, for my predatory debating instincts to guide me in for the kill, for the magnificent spectacle of the lion viciously ending the gazelle.

I do something different.

I will pull at my collar, I will allow myself to sweat and I will stutter. I will ignore the arsenal of information and techniques I have built over the past few years. I will instead offer up shaky opinions and flimsy points and with each moment the lamb will gain momentum, slowly becoming a ram.

My face will fall just as the cause will fall. I will concede a point, for the first time ever, in a sea of shocked silence. I will admit, agree and accept each stab like a faltering warrior, too old and tired to carry on. In one short hour, the greatest champion of the canine tooth will be humbled.

With their chief felled, the heart of the Red Tribe torn away, my faithful will hesitate. Shocked into confusion, infighting will surely erupt amongst them as some vent their outrage, some struggle to take my vaunted place and some simply don’t understand.

Seeing this opening the malnutrition warriors of the herd will surge forward with renewed vigour, with all the strength their weak limbs can muster, and strike us down. Our ranks will be overwhelmed by the pasty ones. Our best will be decimated by the sheer force of their opinion, as all of their carefully learned quotes from me have been rendered moot.

The cause is shattered, the contest lost. Small groups will fight on, the die-hards holding out long enough to martyr themselves well, but in the end meat eating will fall to the minority, an old norm of a foolishly barbaric and ancient time, now shunned.

I shall retire, supposedly ashamed, to advocating research and development into ‘meat alternatives’, a hopeful quest that one day something grown from the earth will taste like something that walked upon it once before.

Cattle, livestock and all others will cease to be used. As a result their numbers will dwindle as their grazing fields are replaced with crops. Many, no longer useful to mankind, will be placed in zoos and nature reserves, to protect them from extinction.

I will be known as a failure to all, none realising the martyr I was.

But on my small country property, a luxury of living space in an age where the earth’s landscape has been toiled into either farmland for food, lung forests for air, or mega-cities for the people to dwell, I will smile to myself as I consider my legacy.

I changed the world by eating meat.

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Book Online!!!

Well that was a much larger effort than I expected but finally the book is up online! While still waiting for premium publishing approval its still available to the public as it is. In a week I’ll be updated the version available online with a few corrections but otherwise it is there for everyone for free to enjoy.

Cheers for reading.

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Hell, its about time

Well here we are. Website is up if not complete. I’ll be adjusting it as I go along of course but at least we’ve got a platform now. Also in a few hours will have Modi Operandi uploaded and will shout it out around 6pm. Finally there people finally there.

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