Roz Warren's Blog - Posts Tagged "books"
War and Peas
Some people feel obligated to finish reading every book they start. Once they pick up a book, even if it’s hundreds of pages long and makes them want to scream with boredom, they will reach that last page if it kills them.
I am not one of those people. It’s not that I don’t love books. One reason I work in a public library is so I can read any book I want. If it’s not in our collection, it can be ordered from outside the system.
I make use of this service so often that the reference librarian in charge of ordering hard-to-find books from other libraries has joked that she wants to hide under her desk whenever she sees me coming. But even after she’s moved heaven and earth to locate a book in some itty bitty library in Nowhere, Pennsylvania and it has made the long journey across the state and into my hands, if it doesn’t grab me by chapter two, I’m sending it back.
I never feel compelled to finish a book. In fact, I rarely even feel INCLINED to finish a book. I will only keep reading if a book is so great that I CAN’T put it down.
A library patron recently told me that I absolutely had to read “The “Poisonwood Bible.“
“I tried to read it,“ I said. “I gave up after two chapters.“
“It took me fifty pages to get into it,” she admitted. “You have to give it a chance.”
I did. I gave it twenty minutes of my life. That’s all it’s going to get.
When I do fall for a book, I fall hard. I read it, and reread it, and recommend it endlessly. I’m the best friend a book could ever have, because I will bring that book scads of new readers. If there’s one question you’re asked when you work in a library, it’s “Can you recommend a good read?“
I’m convinced that I’m personally responsible for several extra print runs of both “Straight Man” and “Bel Canto.”
Book clubs are particularly pernicious for the reader who feels compelled to plough through books she can’t stand out of a sense of obligation.
A patron recently confided, “I have to read ‘Moby Dick‘ for my book club but it’s making me seasick.”
“Don’t worry,“ I told her. “I can help you jump ship.“
I printed out some insightful online reviews and she left the library smiling, prepared to discuss the Great White Whale but intending to go right home and curl up with the new Paretsky.
All I want is a book that will keep me up till two in the morning turning pages. I refuse to settle for less. The way I look at it, people who suffer to the end of a novel are like people who stay in bad marriages. But if the thrill is gone, I want out! Years ago, my ex and I pulled the plug on a twenty-year relationship. Now I’m with a guy who is consistently thrilling, and my ex is happily re-married to the true love of his life. I call that a happy ending.
Some people disapprove of my ability to jettison a book so quickly. “Once I start reading, I have to finish,“ they say proudly. I’m guessing these are the same people whose parents made them clean their plates when they were kids. They probably had to choke down every last pea, even if they hated peas, before they could enjoy dessert.
But you’re a grown up now! You can make (and break!) your own rules. If you aren’t enjoying your peas, feed them to the dog and try some spinach instead. Even better, toss them in the trash and go right to dessert! Who cares that you’ve only read five chapters of “War and Peace?“ “The Sylvia Chronicles” is calling to you! Kick Tolstoy under the couch and go with the book you really want. Life is too short (and “War and Peace” is too damn long) to do anything else.
I am not one of those people. It’s not that I don’t love books. One reason I work in a public library is so I can read any book I want. If it’s not in our collection, it can be ordered from outside the system.
I make use of this service so often that the reference librarian in charge of ordering hard-to-find books from other libraries has joked that she wants to hide under her desk whenever she sees me coming. But even after she’s moved heaven and earth to locate a book in some itty bitty library in Nowhere, Pennsylvania and it has made the long journey across the state and into my hands, if it doesn’t grab me by chapter two, I’m sending it back.
I never feel compelled to finish a book. In fact, I rarely even feel INCLINED to finish a book. I will only keep reading if a book is so great that I CAN’T put it down.
A library patron recently told me that I absolutely had to read “The “Poisonwood Bible.“
“I tried to read it,“ I said. “I gave up after two chapters.“
“It took me fifty pages to get into it,” she admitted. “You have to give it a chance.”
I did. I gave it twenty minutes of my life. That’s all it’s going to get.
When I do fall for a book, I fall hard. I read it, and reread it, and recommend it endlessly. I’m the best friend a book could ever have, because I will bring that book scads of new readers. If there’s one question you’re asked when you work in a library, it’s “Can you recommend a good read?“
I’m convinced that I’m personally responsible for several extra print runs of both “Straight Man” and “Bel Canto.”
Book clubs are particularly pernicious for the reader who feels compelled to plough through books she can’t stand out of a sense of obligation.
A patron recently confided, “I have to read ‘Moby Dick‘ for my book club but it’s making me seasick.”
“Don’t worry,“ I told her. “I can help you jump ship.“
I printed out some insightful online reviews and she left the library smiling, prepared to discuss the Great White Whale but intending to go right home and curl up with the new Paretsky.
All I want is a book that will keep me up till two in the morning turning pages. I refuse to settle for less. The way I look at it, people who suffer to the end of a novel are like people who stay in bad marriages. But if the thrill is gone, I want out! Years ago, my ex and I pulled the plug on a twenty-year relationship. Now I’m with a guy who is consistently thrilling, and my ex is happily re-married to the true love of his life. I call that a happy ending.
Some people disapprove of my ability to jettison a book so quickly. “Once I start reading, I have to finish,“ they say proudly. I’m guessing these are the same people whose parents made them clean their plates when they were kids. They probably had to choke down every last pea, even if they hated peas, before they could enjoy dessert.
But you’re a grown up now! You can make (and break!) your own rules. If you aren’t enjoying your peas, feed them to the dog and try some spinach instead. Even better, toss them in the trash and go right to dessert! Who cares that you’ve only read five chapters of “War and Peace?“ “The Sylvia Chronicles” is calling to you! Kick Tolstoy under the couch and go with the book you really want. Life is too short (and “War and Peace” is too damn long) to do anything else.
Books, Cats and Love: The Cartooning Career of Stephanie Piro
“Cartooning is the best revenge,” jokes Stephanie Piro when I ask where her ideas come from. A marital spat with husband John or a stranger’s insensitive remark will quickly find its way into Piro’s “Fair Game” strip, or King Feature’s popular “Six Chix” feature, where Piro is the “Saturday Chick.” They may start with a gripe, but her cartoons end in a laugh. Piro knows how to turn the challenges women face each day into good funny cartoons. Of course, all of her comics don’t begin with a kvetch. Her humor is also inspired by her love of cats, dogs and books, the library job she loves, motherhood and her abiding interest in how men and women interact. The typical Piro character is strong, self-assured and witty. Feminist but deeply feminine, she’s attractive and loves wearing nice clothes, but she doesn’t put up with guff from anyone. Quick to stick up for herself (or for a friend) with a snappy remark, she can be acerbic, but she’s never unkind. She’s pushes back at the way our culture limits women, and has no problem complaining about the man in her life. (She usually has a good pal to confide in.) Most important, she knows how to have fun. Piro’s work is upbeat and positive. Her glass is more than half full. And although she’s been at this for decades, her work remains fresh and original. “I read a lot of magazines to stay on top of things,” she says. “I want to stay current.” Just living her life, the cartoonist says, provides her with plenty of material.
Born in Brooklyn. Piro has spent most of her adult life in rural New Hampshire, where she lives with her journalist husband and a fluctuating number of sassy cats. Her love of cartoons began when her mom used the “Peanuts“ cartoon strip to teach her to read. After attending Manhattan’s School of Visual Arts, Piro worked hard to establish a cartooning career. Simpson’s creator Matt Groening gave her career advice. “He helped me find my audience,“ she says. In 1984, she started the Strip T’s Design Company to market T-shirts featuring cartoons about cats, dogs, books and dating. Her most popular design? The one in which a woman confides, “I like the concept of men. It‘s the reality I have problems with.” “That’s also the first cartoon I sold to Glamour Magazine,“ Piro recalls. Strip Ts and a Café Press site continue to sell Piro’s cartooned T shirts, mugs, and greeting cards, including special lines for book lovers and librarians. Piro also sells signed originals. “I store all the originals in Tupperware containers out in the barn,” she says.
Piro’s cartoons appear in magazines from “The Funny Times” to “The Chronicle of Higher Education“ and have been collected in three books (so far) “Men! Ha!” “Caffeinated Cartoons” and “My Cat Loves Me Naked.” (“You think I should lose a few pounds? My cat doesn’t think I’m fat! My cat loves me naked.“ )
Although she’s married to a man whose inventive wit in penning the local police blotter earned him nationwide coverage on NPR last year, Piro never shares work--in-progress with her husband. “We don’t always think the same things are funny,“ she says. “But he’s the first one I’ll show a finished cartoon to.“ She does a lot of redrafting before she‘s ready to show her work to anybody. “I go through a lot of paper,” she admits “But I do recycle.”
What makes her happy? Like her cartoons, Piro is positive and upbeat. “Almost everything makes me happy,” she says. “My library job. Checking in with my daughter Nico.” (She’s a librarian living in Washington D.C.) “My husband John cracks me up.” Most of all, Piro loves her work. “Nothing makes me happier than having the time to sit and write and draw,” she says. I love her work too, and I urge you to check it out.
(Note: This piece first appeared on www.womensvoicesforchange.org.)
Born in Brooklyn. Piro has spent most of her adult life in rural New Hampshire, where she lives with her journalist husband and a fluctuating number of sassy cats. Her love of cartoons began when her mom used the “Peanuts“ cartoon strip to teach her to read. After attending Manhattan’s School of Visual Arts, Piro worked hard to establish a cartooning career. Simpson’s creator Matt Groening gave her career advice. “He helped me find my audience,“ she says. In 1984, she started the Strip T’s Design Company to market T-shirts featuring cartoons about cats, dogs, books and dating. Her most popular design? The one in which a woman confides, “I like the concept of men. It‘s the reality I have problems with.” “That’s also the first cartoon I sold to Glamour Magazine,“ Piro recalls. Strip Ts and a Café Press site continue to sell Piro’s cartooned T shirts, mugs, and greeting cards, including special lines for book lovers and librarians. Piro also sells signed originals. “I store all the originals in Tupperware containers out in the barn,” she says.
Piro’s cartoons appear in magazines from “The Funny Times” to “The Chronicle of Higher Education“ and have been collected in three books (so far) “Men! Ha!” “Caffeinated Cartoons” and “My Cat Loves Me Naked.” (“You think I should lose a few pounds? My cat doesn’t think I’m fat! My cat loves me naked.“ )
Although she’s married to a man whose inventive wit in penning the local police blotter earned him nationwide coverage on NPR last year, Piro never shares work--in-progress with her husband. “We don’t always think the same things are funny,“ she says. “But he’s the first one I’ll show a finished cartoon to.“ She does a lot of redrafting before she‘s ready to show her work to anybody. “I go through a lot of paper,” she admits “But I do recycle.”
What makes her happy? Like her cartoons, Piro is positive and upbeat. “Almost everything makes me happy,” she says. “My library job. Checking in with my daughter Nico.” (She’s a librarian living in Washington D.C.) “My husband John cracks me up.” Most of all, Piro loves her work. “Nothing makes me happier than having the time to sit and write and draw,” she says. I love her work too, and I urge you to check it out.
(Note: This piece first appeared on www.womensvoicesforchange.org.)
Bookmarks From Hell
Bookmarks From Hell -- A list Of Unsavory, Alarming and Downright Nasty Things Librarians Have Recently Found In Library Books
A dead frog
A used band-aid
A squashed and leaking Ketchup packet.
Bedbugs
A tampon
Toe nail clippings
Dozens of baby roaches
A slice of bacon
A crushed cigarette
A used Q-Tip
A used condom (and it was in a Bible!)
A grilled cheese sandwich
A cemetery plot.
Dental Floss
Used Kleenex
Unused Toilet Paper
Hair
A cigarette butt.
An ad for lap dances (in a children’s book!)
Questionable food stains
A dirty diaper
Pornographic photos
A slice of American cheese.
Attention library patrons! The next time you’re tempted to mark your place in one of our books with insects, snacks, porn or anything that used to be part of your body?
As a librarian I officially give you permission to just dog ear the page.
(Roz Warren is the author of Our Bodies, Our Shelves: A Collection of Library Humor and Just Another Day At Your Local Public Library: An Insider's Tales Of Library Life, both of which you should buy immediately.
A dead frog
A used band-aid
A squashed and leaking Ketchup packet.
Bedbugs
A tampon
Toe nail clippings
Dozens of baby roaches
A slice of bacon
A crushed cigarette
A used Q-Tip
A used condom (and it was in a Bible!)
A grilled cheese sandwich
A cemetery plot.
Dental Floss
Used Kleenex
Unused Toilet Paper
Hair
A cigarette butt.
An ad for lap dances (in a children’s book!)
Questionable food stains
A dirty diaper
Pornographic photos
A slice of American cheese.
Attention library patrons! The next time you’re tempted to mark your place in one of our books with insects, snacks, porn or anything that used to be part of your body?
As a librarian I officially give you permission to just dog ear the page.
(Roz Warren is the author of Our Bodies, Our Shelves: A Collection of Library Humor and Just Another Day At Your Local Public Library: An Insider's Tales Of Library Life, both of which you should buy immediately.
