Raine O'Tierney's Blog, page 2

Learning to Share the Scary Things!

It's a fine line we authors dance upon: cultivating a pleasing public persona vs. sharing our real selves. I'd say most of us are doubtful creatures, introverted, and many of us are depressed or have some other challenges with mental illness.

As long as I've been online (a lot longer than I've been Raine O'Tierney, obviously!) I've struggled with this concept. What do I tell? What do I keep at bay?

The friendly, buoyant, exclamation-point loving Raine is a real person. She's a very real part of me, even. On good days at work, you can find me butt-dancing in my rolling chair to music or squealing over new office supplies. Not a blog goes out for my department that doesn't involve an exclamation point or two.

And when I say kindness is my religion, I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Being kind to one another is the best thing we can do. (Note I did not say nice. To me, being nice sometimes involves a sort of social horseshit dishonesty that is soul-sucking. But genuine kindness? I'm alls about that!

It's the other: the more challenging Raine O'Tierney that I contemplate sharing. I've actually been quite open with my depression and my therapy. I haven't mentioned all (yes, more than one...) of my particular disorders with all their particular acronyms. Then my therapist challenged me last week to write a non-fiction book about what it's like to live with one of the vaguely aforementioned disorders.

I was very surprised by that. I never thought about writing about myself before! Especially in the context of the fine line we all tread. To do it properly, I'll have to bare all the ugly garbage that comes with being me. But... No one said I have to share it. No one said I have to publish it. Except, what if I do?

I'm a better person than I was two years ago. I'm a better person than I was a year ago. Hell, I'm better than I was yesterday when I read We are not our failures and was so fundamentally struck it reduced me to tears.

I think I will take up the writing challenge, even as I juggle no less than 20 new ideas. I can't change my mistakes, but maybe I will like what the book says. Maybe I will put it out there, bared soul and all.

So much to think about.

Contemplatively, and with Kindness,
Raine O'Tierney

I Was So Damn Arrogant, or Writing Terror

I truly was arrogant enough to believe that once I had "jumped the hurdle" of paralyzing self-doubt and crippling creation terror then I would be done, as if it's a one-off thing. Congratulations, you've leveled up and now you're ready for the big time, Raine!

But doubt, like chaos, seems to be the natural state of things. When not guarding against it, the fear creeps (sometimes rushes!) back in.

I spent all of 2015 writing for other people and I'm scared I don't how to write for myself anymore. My defenses are untrained, and it's easier to be afraid than it is to write. I don't know how to stand up to the voices in my head anymore that say:

You can't...
You won't...
You aren't... 

I recently thought about writing an M/M Regency-Era Romance. This was such a charming idea that it pushed all the storm clouds out of my mind...for 5 whole minutes. Then the voices came back louder than ever.

You aren't good enough to do that, Raine.

I wouldn't say that to my worst enemy, you know? But somehow it seems incredibly simple to say it to myself.

Spend half an hour on Facebook and you will see a dozen people in all stages of their publication journey, from the newest newbie to the most seasoned veteran, battling this same ugly voice.

Creation is scary.

Putting that creation on display for people to judge? Sheer terror.

I held off writing this blog until today because I like to end things positively. Until this morning I could not see where to draw a single ounce of hope from. Then I got my CPAP.

Wha--huh?

Apparently for the last two years I've been suffering from severe sleep apnea. Severe-severe. Like I stop breathing 47 times AN HOUR. I've been a walking zombie...Obviously. Now I have a machine that will keep me breathing all night long. I might dream! I will definitely have more energy.

Energy to fight the negative voices.

Energy to write.

I'm not under the illusion that I will get better sleep and immediately there will no longer be any fears, doubts, or moments of depression. But I am hopeful because it's a start--a weapon in my fight against this creation terror.

--Raine O'Tierney

Happy Publiversary, Raine O'Tierney! Thoughts and #Giveaways!

Raine O'Tierney turns two today.

I heard a Fall Out Boy song on the radio today. Centuries. There was this line I liked a lot...

I was only born inside my dreams...

And I feel like that sums up the last two years. Being a published author has been my dream since I was a little girl. Then it just happened like magic! Ha. No, that's not right at all. I hid in a ball of fear for a decade until some good friends and co-workers clawed and scratched at my ball. I then uncurled long enough to look at a business card from Dreamspinner Press. There was paralyzing fear, self-doubt, tears. I was rejected, accepted, rejected again by a slew of publishers. In the past two years I've experienced being an author with a large publisher of gay romance as well as an indie, profit-share publisher. I've written several free novellas. I've received letters from people who said I changed their lives with my words and cruel reviews that almost broke my spirit. I've won awards and I've been snubbed. I've made friends and lost them through time, distance, or shitty mistakes. I discovered the joys of collaboration and the horrible addiction of being fed by others' praise. Looking back at my original bucket list, I got my audiobook, but not my Newbery. ;) I wrote for myself and I wrote for other people. And then I lost myself...

Completely.

And totally.

So that I no longer knew what I was doing or why I was doing it.

The full phrase of that line I liked so much from Fall Out Boy's Centuries goes like this:

And I can't stop 'til the whole world knows my name...

I have been so focused on who knows me and what they think about me, that I stopped writing. Writing for joy wasn't good enough--I had to write for fame. But what the hell is fame? Because being famous doesn't make the Goodreads reviews cut any less, and being famous doesn't mean you suddenly doubt yourself any less. All that crappy drama you brought into "fame" is still there. But worse.
So this year I offer you no bucket list. Just a few private promises and a shift in world view as I write for myself again.
--Raine O'Tierney

*~*~My Books~*~*
Ps. Oh, you came for prizes, didn't you? :) I suppose we can do a giveaway!


*~*~GIVEAWAY!~*~*
So, what are we giving away?

How about an Audible copy of Bowl Full of Cherries, a set of 3 of my titles in eBook (your choice!), and one of three The Sweetness stickers? <3







a Rafflecopter giveaway

Merry Christmas! Ps. I Forgot to Tell You ALL THE THINGS! #Surpriserelease #Awards

December has been insanity. Pure and total insanity! Because of that, I hope you'll forgive me for my late announcements... *Pretty please?*

Here's the tl:dr for you~ I won the Rainbow Awards, Bowl Full of Cherries is out on Audiobook, I'm nominated for a slew of Member's Choice Awards from the M/M Romance Group, and SURPRISE! I've got a secret new release for you.

Whoa. Wait. WHAT?!

First up: I won! No, I'm not pulling your leg, I totally, completely, legitimately won TWO Rainbow Awards this month and had several Runner-Up Awards as well!


Best Gay Fantasy RomanceMost Beautiful Words by Raine O’Tierney

Best Gay DebutMost Beautiful Words by Raine O’Tierney



Best Bisexual FictionI’ll Always Miss You by Raine O’Tierney


The William Neale Award for Best Gay Contemporary RomanceBowl Full of Cherries by Raine O’Tierney


Best Bisexual BookI’ll Always Miss You by Raine O’Tierney 


Best Gay BookMost Beautiful Words by Raine O’Tierney

So, YES! Blush, blush, BLUSHSPLOSION! I'm still reeling even though the awards were at the beginning of the month.


THEN...a checked an item off my writing bucket list! I now have an audiobook! (FOR REALS!) The insanely talented Seth Clayton narrated Bowl Full of Cherries and took my "couple of chuckles" story and turned it into something laugh out loud! He's amazing.
So you should definitely check that out!
It's available HERE! If you're unsure, definitely check out the sample. Seth is amazing, I'm tellin' ya!
So what else, Raine?
Well... I got on the Goodreads Group and saw I'd been nominated for a slew of Member's Choice Awards! Which...wow!

Best Coming of AgeI'll Always Miss You by Raine O'Tierney That Eighteenth Summer by Raine O'Tierney 

Best VirginsSing Me Your Love Song by Raine O'Tierney 


Favorite All-Time M/M RomanceMost Beautiful Words by Raine O'Tierney 



Best Love is an Open Road StoryThat Eighteenth Summer by Raine O'Tierney
And FINALLY...
*THIS* happened! :) Yep, folks, that's Seeds of Tyrone bk #3 there!

Two couples, two unique stories of love at Christmastime...

Harrison and Paulo were once passionate lovers - until tragedy tore them apart. When the men miss an opportunity to reconnect at a Christmas party, Paulo is prepared to move heaven and earth to see Harrison again.

Michael's coming out didn't go down well in his conservative hometown of Omagh, and the bullies are out to get him. But he has a guardian angel on his side - his unrequited long-term crush, Tom.

Will the magic of Christmas in Ireland be enough to see these two couples through?

This book features characters from the Seeds of Tyrone series, but can be read and enjoyed independently.

AVAILABLE FROM:
Amazon.com | Amazon.co.uk | All Romance eBooks | Beaten Track Publishing | Smashwords
Thank you all for bearing with me--I know the sheer volume of announcements was... WAH! <3
Merry Christmas to all my readers!Raine O'Tierney

Bowl Full of Cherries Receives a #rainbowawards Honorable Mention!

Pleased beyond pleased to announce that Bowl Full of Cherries has received an Honorable Mention from the Rainbow Awards.

http://reviews-and-ramblings.dreamwidth.org/4623892.html
For several years I've watched on the sidelines as authors entered this contest, waiting for my turn to publish something that would make me eligible. Entering was a joy... Receiving an Honorable Mention? <3 I'm floating!

So what did the judges say?

I really loved this book, this is a sweet, simple story about how love and true friendship can make miracles. The plot is well developed, with just that little angst that makes the situation interesting. I stayed up all night to finish it, could not put it down. Had to know there was the happy ending. I like how the characters are described, they feel real, and you share their feelings, their love, their fears with them. I really really enjoyed it.

This was just one of those stories that really sucked me in… I could have kept reading it forever.

I really liked this book.The story wasn't terribly angst-filled or high-octane suspenseful. It was more like spending time with friends. I enjoyed the characters' journey (and as a mother of twins who don't get along, I appreciated the relationship between the Lang brothers!)

And a note: Unlike most contests where Honorable Mention means you're not eligible to win any higher prizes, in the Rainbow Awards, Honorable Mentions are given to authors who received at least one 36/40 score from a judge!

I'm excited to see if Leaving Flowers, I'll Always Miss You, and Most Beautiful Words get a nod as well. <3

ALL THE THINGS! #sale #freebies #newrelease #mmromance

You know how life is a roller coaster? The slow climb, the pregnant pause, the terrifying drop, the zoom to the top, rinse and repeat. You stay on and enjoy the ride, right? Well, right now--after being at the bottom for a while, things are rather up, up, up! Which is awesome! It also means there's a LOT going on. So let's get to it!


I'm this weekend's DreamReaders selection over at Dreamspinner Press! That means Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, you can get I'll Always Miss You , Most Beautiful Words , and Bowl Full of Cherries for 99 cents each over at Dreamspinner. Each is a full length novel and each is one of my all-time favorite works. So I hope you'll check out the sale, and if you want, please share the info with your friends!


Don't forget, the 99 cent sale for Leaving Flowers continues at Beaten Track Publishing | Amazon.com | Amazon.co.uk | All Romance eBooks | Smashwords | Barnes & Noble! It will go until October 31st--so make sure you grab your copy before you read book #2 of The Seeds of Tyrone series!


If 99 cents seems steep, I've got good news... My long novella That Eighteenth Summer JUST came out for the M/M Romance Group's Love is an Open Road event. This was a prompt that someone dropped. I adopted it at the last second. I put a LOT of love, a LOT of research, and a LOT of my own eighteenth year into the story. I think you will truly enjoy it. Plus, it's TOTALLY FREE!

The summer of 2003, Ollie Hannigan's eighteenth summer, changes everything...
Ollie knows exactly where he's going and what his plan is: get a smokin' hot girlfriend (so she can cry over him when he enlists), join the military, work his way up to Army Ranger, and finally earn he respect of his big brother, Benjam.
But everything changes when a military car pulls up in front of the Hannigan household.
Now Ollie's world is in chaos. His friends have abandoned him, his plans are falling through left and right, and he doesn't know what he wants in life anymore. Plus, as if he wasn't already confused enough, his brother's best friend, Luca Santini, has caught Ollie's eye.
While Luca may be smokin' hot, he's definitely not the girlfriend Ollie was expecting!

You can download the mobi, epub, and PDF HERE!

~ ~ ~
Finally, if you haven't got your copy of Where the Grass is Greener , it's available now! <3

Where The Grass Is Greener (With Debbie McGowan)(Seeds of Tyrone bk 2)
Mistakes were made, that’s for sure. But was it the night of passion? Or walking away afterward?
That’s the question Seamus Williams must face when he gets a late night phone call from someone he never expects to hear from again.
“I miss you, Shay.”
Chancey Bo Clearwater is a cowboy through and through. He spends his days finding work on whatever ranch will take him and his nights at the pool hall. He’s always done what needed doing and never thought much about what he wanted. ‘Til that drunken night with Seamus.
A world of problems now stand between Seamus and Chancey exploring what might have been, the least of which being the Atlantic Ocean. On one side there’s Chancey’s daughter who mood swings from angel to demon in two seconds flat; on the other there’s the new lodger, hogging Shay’s telly and his cornflakes, and making private Skype time hard to come by.
Is this relationship doomed before it ever begins? Or can a surprise announcement from Seamus’s brother be enough to help the two find their second chance?
Where the Grass is Greener is book two of the Leaving Flowers Series, but can be read independently of the first novel.

Available from Beaten Track Publishing | Amazon.com | Amazon.co.uk | All Romance eBooks | Smashwords | Barnes & Noble

So...What IS Raine O'Tierney #Sweetness? #triggers #righttoread

Confession...

I have triggers, big and bad. 

For a long time, I felt tremendous guilt and shame about my inability to read about *any* and *every* subject because...I'm a librarian! Intellectual Freedom! Right to Read! I "should" be able to take on any literary work!

But putting aside the fact Right to Read ALSO means Right NOT to Read, the truth is: for my mental health, I can not read certain things.

When I hit a trigger, it's ugly. Panic-inducing ugly. Hysterical sobbing ugly. Physical reaction ugly. And then that story and its triggers stay with me forever, cataloged away to be dredged up when I'm feeling low.

So what does this have to do with The Sweetness?

Well, it wasn't until I really got into the writing community that I realized, oh those triggers? Yeah, those are a thing for a lot of people. Maybe everyone even. Call it preference, cringe / squidge / ick factor, or even full-on panic, but everyone has what they can handle and what they can't.

And that is OKAY.

So I made a decision when I started publishing, that I would write ONLY the things I could handle. "Uh...Obviously?" you might be thinking. But what I really mean is, I made a silent commitment to my readers that when they read a Raine O'Tierney work, they could always feel confident they would get The Sweetness.

But lately I've felt like maybe I should spell out what that actually means.

Sweetness does *NOT* always mean fluff (though I have been known to write a cotton candy story or two!). My stories have dealt with body issues, rape, disability, depression, loneliness, suicidal thoughts, bullying, death, and so on. I write what I'm passionate about at the moment. I write the story that needs a voice and the subject that needs exploring.

So I started with what Sweetness ISN'T because I want you to know that I can not promise a trigger-free experience if your triggers happen to fall into one of the above categories. And who knows what I'll get up to in the future!

But I can promise this, when you read my stories:


You will ALWAYS get an HEA (or *rarely* an HFN with the promise of an HEA in the future)You will NEVER, EVER, EVER see ANY of my MCs cheat on each other. If there's *ever* cheating mentioned in my stories then it is a side character and it is in the past, but my preference is that there be no mention whatsoever.I don't write 3p or open relationships (it's just not my thing)You won't find rape as titillation in my stories, and any rape is discussed with respect and takes place in the past.I like first and forever loves, so you will see a LOT of first and forever loves in Raine O'Tierney stories!You'll read a lot of first sexual experiences, first friends, and first loves :)Despite what people say, not EVERYONE has lost their virginity at sixteen and not everyone understands their sexuality right away--I try to write an array of characters with different life experiences and sometimes that means a forty-year-old virgin. (Yep!)(I'm stealing this one from Debbie McGowan) I don't write about "gay" and "straight" characters, I write about people. Full stop.

This is what I'm about.

If you like that sort of thing, I invite you to check out my books. And if you ever have ANY QUESTION AT ALL about triggers, ASK ME! I understand more than you know and take people's triggers seriously.

Sweetness to all,
Raine O'Tierney

Work Has Started Again on Sweet Giordan! #amwriting

For those of you following the saga of Sweet Giordan, Please Remember you know that I requested my rights be returned to me from DSP so that I could turn the Hearts in Reverie Series into what I'd always envisioned: all colors of the rainbow!

I've started my edits / expansion of Hearts in Reverie #1: Sweet Giordan, Please Remember.

The original story *will not change*. You won't see wildly drastic plot shifts. Giordan won't suddenly be a rockstar with a drug problem who part-times as a nanny... But what you will see is "Y'all" spelled correctly ;) and Shane's PoV.

So far...it's been an interesting experience getting into his head. He's a pretty damaged guy.

I don't have a deadline on when the story will be available for purchase again, but Beaten Track Publishing said 'Yes, absolutely' to publishing the series--so a venue is lined up.

More updates when I have them! Thank you for supporting me through this odd endeavor. :) I appreciate it!

--Raine O'Tierney

Why Sweet Giordan, Please Remember Has Gone Temporarily Out of Print #NewDirections #MMRomance

If you're looking to buy my book Sweet Giordan, Please Remember...unfortunately you'll have to wait. (I'm sorry!) It is *temporarily* out of print. (What? What?! WHAT???) But do not worry! The sweet amnesiac is returning SOON with a fresh, shiny edit and an expanded story line!
The Hearts in Reverie series was actually the first set of gay romances I ever created... WAY back in 2004! And Sweet Giordan was the first novel I ever had contracted for publication. Dreamspinner Press did a great job with it and I'm eternally grateful to them for all they did for launching my writing career.
This is NOT about anything DSP did wrong...
But the world of Hearts in Reverie is SO much more than just the beautiful Giordan and his lover, Shane Devereaux. In addition to the gay romances, there are lesbian rom, transgender rom, and het rom... The story is about hearts and love and spans many colors in the LGBTQ rainbow. These characters have been building inside of me for over a decade and as I tried to write the continuation of the series, I found I was self-censoring and changing things around to fit the M/M romance market, unfairly silencing these colorful charas I had created.
And as time went on, I finally reached a point where I couldn't drown out their voices any longer. I want desperately to write and publish the ENTIRE world, including the romances that don't fit what DSP is looking for.
So I gathered all my courage and I approached Dreamspinner openly with my plans for Hearts in Reverie and a request for rights reversion. They were gracious enough to let me have my rights back.
Hence Gio's temporary break!
So what's next???
First off--I revisit the world of Sweet Giordan. I have ideas about the expansion of Gio's story. What that ultimately will look like, I never know until my fingers are on the keyboard, but perhaps Shane's PoV?
This will NOT be a re-write. None of the events in Sweet Giordan, Please Remember will change. There will just be...more! 
From there, I'll take off, dancing through the town of Reverie and visiting its many wonderful residents (and peeking into their sweet romances!)
Thank you for loving Gio the way I love Gio!Raine O'Tierney

Sing Me Your Love Song is OUT! And it's #FREE! #MMRomance!

Get your butt over to the M/M Romance Group's homepage and download you some of that sweet, sweet Raine O'Tierney romance--for free!

Sing Me Your Love Song is my contribution to the 2015 Don't Read in the Closet event and it's sexy fun (if I do say so myself!) This year's overall theme is "Love is an Open Road" event. Group members were asked to write a story prompt inspired by a photo of their choice. Authors of the group selected a photo and prompt that spoke to them and wrote a short story.

This was my prompt:

Dear Author,
These men are on their wedding night. They are wearing traditional attire according to their social/military/royal/world status. I want to know their story, and why is one of them hiding in a wash chamber. Is that a tattoo on his chest or did his husband brand him during the wedding ceremony? Why is the other so serious? Maybe he doesn’t like all the jewelry?
I wonder about their world, time, professions, etc. Did they marry for love, or convenience? Maybe it was arranged, or were they drunk?
I want their love to grow, as well as their need for each other. I just want them to be happy, but you can tell their first time together will be passionate. You can see it in their eyes.
I’m giving them to you, dear author. Anything and everything will be good for them.

Debbie McGowan made my cover. Isn't it GORGEOUS?!



So what are you waiting for?! Get your mobi, epub, or pdf FOR FREE!
Download it! Download it now!