Raine O'Tierney's Blog
February 5, 2018
Four Year Publiversary & Sound of Silence is Out Now!
Yesterday was my FOUR YEAR Publiversary.
I can't believe it.
I've been doing this for four years. It seems like it's only been a month and at the same time, it feels like a lifetime.
Sound of Silence, which I wrote with Mia Kerick, is out right now, too -- and it seems to be doing really well! I'm honored and humbled by this fact.
Of course, when you create something, you HOPE that people will like it. And when you create with a co-author, you double hope. You hope you've held up your end, that people will enjoy both parts, that readers will take something good from your words. Writing Renzy to Mia's Seven was an absolute delight.
Thank you for reading it. Thank you for enjoying it!
Humbled, guys.
Honored.
Truly.
Thank you for making this possible--over the last four years, I've been able to experience something I only dreamed about as a child. Publication.
It's had its ups and its downs and everything in between. But the experience has been worth it!
Now, without further ado, Sound of Silence.
High school senior Renzy Callen hasn’t uttered a word in years. He likes being invisible to all around him; it keeps life safe and predictable. In his attic bedroom, he experiences a world far from the drama of his family. He doodles, listens to music, and contemplates the troubled souls he observes when attending self-help meetings designed for people with problems he doesn’t have. Renzy lives his life like a spectator, always on the outside of life’s games, looking in at others.
Everything changes when Seven and Morning Moreau-Maddox relocate from their glitzy lives in Paris to boring, picturesque Redcliff Hills, Missouri. Tall, platinum blond, and as put-together as a pair of European high-fashion models, the sophisticated siblings befriend Renzy, drawing him in and then pushing him away. What starts as nothing more than a means to an end for Seven, however, quickly becomes something more. Could icy-hearted Seven be thawing for the silent, quirky charm of Renzy Callen?
Purchase it on:
Harmony Ink | Amazon.com | Barnes and Noble | Kobo
I can't believe it.
I've been doing this for four years. It seems like it's only been a month and at the same time, it feels like a lifetime.
Sound of Silence, which I wrote with Mia Kerick, is out right now, too -- and it seems to be doing really well! I'm honored and humbled by this fact.
Of course, when you create something, you HOPE that people will like it. And when you create with a co-author, you double hope. You hope you've held up your end, that people will enjoy both parts, that readers will take something good from your words. Writing Renzy to Mia's Seven was an absolute delight.
Thank you for reading it. Thank you for enjoying it!
Humbled, guys.
Honored.
Truly.
Thank you for making this possible--over the last four years, I've been able to experience something I only dreamed about as a child. Publication.
It's had its ups and its downs and everything in between. But the experience has been worth it!
Now, without further ado, Sound of Silence.
High school senior Renzy Callen hasn’t uttered a word in years. He likes being invisible to all around him; it keeps life safe and predictable. In his attic bedroom, he experiences a world far from the drama of his family. He doodles, listens to music, and contemplates the troubled souls he observes when attending self-help meetings designed for people with problems he doesn’t have. Renzy lives his life like a spectator, always on the outside of life’s games, looking in at others.Everything changes when Seven and Morning Moreau-Maddox relocate from their glitzy lives in Paris to boring, picturesque Redcliff Hills, Missouri. Tall, platinum blond, and as put-together as a pair of European high-fashion models, the sophisticated siblings befriend Renzy, drawing him in and then pushing him away. What starts as nothing more than a means to an end for Seven, however, quickly becomes something more. Could icy-hearted Seven be thawing for the silent, quirky charm of Renzy Callen?
Purchase it on:
Harmony Ink | Amazon.com | Barnes and Noble | Kobo
November 2, 2017
Cover Reveal and Release Date: Sound of Silence
Hello darkness my old friend...
I am SO EXCITED to reveal the gorgeous cover for my newest YA novel Sound of Silence --co-written with the very talented Mia Kerick! Aaron Anderson is the cover designer and he did a marvelous job capturing the aesthetic of the story.
Coming January 23, 2018...
Renzy Callen exists on the periphery of life, and not just because of the horrific childhood event that robbed him of the ability to speak. Walling himself off from the rest of the world as a means of protection, he occupies his time with art, music, and an obsession with self-help groups—whether he needs them or not. His isolation protects him, and he’s immune to drama and emotional games… or so he believes. Everything changes when he meets Seven and Morning Moreaux-Maddox, the wealthy, jet-setting siblings who move from a life of sophistication in Europe to humdrum Redcliff Hills, Missouri.
Both Seven and his sister are impossibly beautiful and elegant, like the stars in magazines and high-fashion models on the runway. When Renzy is pulled into their push-and-pull of affection and rejection, he realizes there is more to both haunted Morning and cold, diamond-sharp Seven than meets the eye.
The three teens embark on a quest to learn the reason behind Renzy’s selective mutism, and something more than friendship blossoms between Renzy and Seven. It’s during this trip of a lifetime that the three realize the truth they seek might be found in the sound of silence.
Interested in Renzy and Seven's story? Pre-order Sound of Silence today at Harmony Ink <3
I am SO EXCITED to reveal the gorgeous cover for my newest YA novel Sound of Silence --co-written with the very talented Mia Kerick! Aaron Anderson is the cover designer and he did a marvelous job capturing the aesthetic of the story.
Coming January 23, 2018...
Renzy Callen exists on the periphery of life, and not just because of the horrific childhood event that robbed him of the ability to speak. Walling himself off from the rest of the world as a means of protection, he occupies his time with art, music, and an obsession with self-help groups—whether he needs them or not. His isolation protects him, and he’s immune to drama and emotional games… or so he believes. Everything changes when he meets Seven and Morning Moreaux-Maddox, the wealthy, jet-setting siblings who move from a life of sophistication in Europe to humdrum Redcliff Hills, Missouri.
Both Seven and his sister are impossibly beautiful and elegant, like the stars in magazines and high-fashion models on the runway. When Renzy is pulled into their push-and-pull of affection and rejection, he realizes there is more to both haunted Morning and cold, diamond-sharp Seven than meets the eye.
The three teens embark on a quest to learn the reason behind Renzy’s selective mutism, and something more than friendship blossoms between Renzy and Seven. It’s during this trip of a lifetime that the three realize the truth they seek might be found in the sound of silence.
Interested in Renzy and Seven's story? Pre-order Sound of Silence today at Harmony Ink <3
May 12, 2017
Coming Soon: Sound of Silence
My goodness it's been a while!
This update will be brief-- but I wanted to let you know that I'm still here and kickin'! (Some days kickin' more than others.)
So what's up in the world of O'Tierney?
I'm currently entering the editing phase of a YA novel called Sound of Silence , written with the very talented Ms. Mia Kerick. This title is slated for release in 2018 from Harmony Ink Press!
Renzy Callen exists on the periphery of life, and not just because of the horrific childhood event that robbed him of the ability to speak. Walling himself off from the rest of the world as a means of protection, he occupies his time with art and music and an obsession with self-help groups—whether he needs them or not. His isolation protects him and he’s immune to drama and emotional games… or so he believes. Everything changes when he meets Seven and Morning Moreaux-Maddox, the wealthy, jet-setting siblings who move from a life of sophistication in Europe to humdrum Redcliff Hills, Missouri.
Both Seven and his sister are impossibly beautiful and elegant, like the stars in magazines or high-fashion models on the runway. When Renzy is pulled into their push-and-pull of affection and rejection, he realizes there is more to both haunted Morning and cold, diamond-sharp Seven than meets the eye.
The three teens embark on a quest to learn the reason behind Renzy’s selective mutism, and something more than friendship blossoms between Renzy and Seven. It’s during this trip of a lifetime that the three realize the truth they seek might be found in the sound of silence.This was my first time collaborating on a YA novel and Mia was a blast to work with! I can't wait for you guys to see our finished product.
(Meanwhile, I'm EAGERLY awaiting the cover!)
Thank you so much, wonderful readers, for supporting me always.
With Kindness,
Raine
January 22, 2017
On the Joys and Dangers of Collaboration
Collaboration.
It can be the biggest joy or the most miserable headache-- sometimes both at the same time!
My earliest stories were collaborations. Me and my best friend, a couple of 4th grade girls who knew everything about everything (obviously!) We had a notebook to share, and the back and forth exchange of some super dramatic prose.
Literary gold.
I'm still shocked those works remain unpublished today.
Over the years, I've had the opportunity to collaborate many times with many awesome people: friends, family, colleagues, and even random, cool acquaintances met through the power of the interwebz. Sometimes I joined others on art projects, sometimes on magazine and newspaper articles, sometimes on novels and short stories. Many times our efforts developed into beautiful, fully formed works - other times they never really got off the ground. But each collaborative experience - good or bad - was unique and taught me something in the end.
Sharing ideas and merging styles can be such a thrill! I suggest anyone who is interested in collaborating try it... at least once.
That said, there are always inherent dangers to partnering in creative pursuits. Dramatic disagreements about the direction a story should take, tears and hurt feelings, financial and royalty issues, even the potential for an unfriendly end of the collaboration (if not the acquaintanceship/friendship itself in some cases!) are all real possibilities.
You may eventually find yourself in the sad position of asking: What happens to my work now, legally speaking?
Christopher Schiller wrote a brilliant article about the legal biz of collaboration. Read it. Absorb it.
Falling out with a collaborator can be lonely business. You never want to say anything publicly about your creative partner that might be unfair or make a bad situation worse -- and like your joined ideas, you may have a merged social circle, making finding a confidante difficult.
I don't write this to say, don'tcollaborateandrunawayasfarasyoucan! But just be smart about it. Draw up a specific collaboration agreement. Talk about the hard stuff. What happens to the stories if the collaboration ends? What about ideas you developed together? Works in progress?
It doesn't matter if you are the best of friends. In fact it might be even better to draw up that agreement if you ARE the best of friends.
A collaboration agreement won't take the sting out of the falling out, but having one can definitely go a long way to easing the uncertainty surrounding some of these situations.
In conclusion... Be passionate! Collaborate! Merge your ideas with others'! Make beautiful things together! Just be smart and careful while doing it.
With Kindness,Raine
It can be the biggest joy or the most miserable headache-- sometimes both at the same time!
My earliest stories were collaborations. Me and my best friend, a couple of 4th grade girls who knew everything about everything (obviously!) We had a notebook to share, and the back and forth exchange of some super dramatic prose.
Literary gold.
I'm still shocked those works remain unpublished today.
Over the years, I've had the opportunity to collaborate many times with many awesome people: friends, family, colleagues, and even random, cool acquaintances met through the power of the interwebz. Sometimes I joined others on art projects, sometimes on magazine and newspaper articles, sometimes on novels and short stories. Many times our efforts developed into beautiful, fully formed works - other times they never really got off the ground. But each collaborative experience - good or bad - was unique and taught me something in the end.
Sharing ideas and merging styles can be such a thrill! I suggest anyone who is interested in collaborating try it... at least once.
That said, there are always inherent dangers to partnering in creative pursuits. Dramatic disagreements about the direction a story should take, tears and hurt feelings, financial and royalty issues, even the potential for an unfriendly end of the collaboration (if not the acquaintanceship/friendship itself in some cases!) are all real possibilities.
You may eventually find yourself in the sad position of asking: What happens to my work now, legally speaking?
Christopher Schiller wrote a brilliant article about the legal biz of collaboration. Read it. Absorb it.
Falling out with a collaborator can be lonely business. You never want to say anything publicly about your creative partner that might be unfair or make a bad situation worse -- and like your joined ideas, you may have a merged social circle, making finding a confidante difficult.
I don't write this to say, don'tcollaborateandrunawayasfarasyoucan! But just be smart about it. Draw up a specific collaboration agreement. Talk about the hard stuff. What happens to the stories if the collaboration ends? What about ideas you developed together? Works in progress?
It doesn't matter if you are the best of friends. In fact it might be even better to draw up that agreement if you ARE the best of friends.
A collaboration agreement won't take the sting out of the falling out, but having one can definitely go a long way to easing the uncertainty surrounding some of these situations.
In conclusion... Be passionate! Collaborate! Merge your ideas with others'! Make beautiful things together! Just be smart and careful while doing it.
With Kindness,Raine
December 25, 2016
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
No promotional biz today, just me wishing you a VERY Merry Christmas! <3
With Kindness,
Raine
With Kindness,
Raine
December 13, 2016
The 12 Days of Hipster Blog Tour Starts Today!
Ahhh! It's SO CLOSE NOW -- release day! It will be here before you know it. :3In the meantime, why not follow me around on my blog tour? Each day I'll update this post to include the current link on the tour. Lots of stops and lots of chances to win either an audiobook or e-book copy of Bowl Full of Cherries, the first book in this series!
ALSO! It wouldn't be much fun if I didn't host the giveaway on my site as well! Check below for the Rafflecopter information <3
December 13 - MM Good Book Reviews
December 19 - Two Chicks Obsessed with Books and Eye Candy
December 20 - Love Bytes
December 21 - Open Skye Book Reviews
December 22 - Boy Meets Boy
December 23 - My Fiction Nook
December 27 - Scattered Thoughts and Rogue Words
December 28 - Dreamspinner Press Blog
a Rafflecopter giveaway
December 8, 2016
The 12 Days of Hipster + Blog Tour + #Giveaway!
By Raine O'Tierney Sequel to Bowl Full of Cherries Last Christmas, Tyler Lang accidentally accepted David Griffith’s invitation for dinner. Yes, it was an accident. See, hipster (don’t call him that!) Tyler doesn’t date guys, and even if he did, he certainly doesn’t date jocks. A rude and hasty exit right when the date was getting good left things awkward between them.David Griffith isn’t really a jock. Well, he’s a former athlete who loves sports, but “jock” has a certain connotation that doesn’t quite fit the intelligent, hardworking store owner. A jock wouldn’t have given Tyler Lang the time of day. But even after that little, ahem, stunt with the fire escape, David can’t stop thinking about the hipster a year later. Which would be fine if fate didn’t keep butting her nose into their business, making it impossible for the jock and the hipster to avoid each other this Christmas.A hilarious holiday romp, set to the music of the Winter Sounds.
Cover Artist: Paul RichmondSeries The Avona TalesGenres Contemporary / Holiday
I AM SO EXCITED!
This book has been so long in the making. It was originally supposed to come out last Christmas, but I didn't like the first draft and I thought, "Nope, I'm not going to put out something I don't love." So I rewrote *the entire thing* and am happy to report:
I friggin' love it.
In my totally unbiased opinion (heh!) I think it's fun, funny, full of love and Christmas cheer AND OMG, one of my very favorite bands EVER The Winter Sounds said, "Sure, you can use our Christmas lyrics!" (MAD PROPS TO PATRICK KEENAN!)
Incidentally you should check out their music here!
SO! TOUR!
Make sure to stop by each blog for a fresh chance to win an e-AUDIO COPY OF BOWL FULL OF CHERRIES. If you haven't read it, it's about Tyler's brother Rell-- another lovely Christmas story. *_* (Seth Clayton narrates and it's delicious!)
December 13 - MM Good Book ReviewsDecember 19 - Two Chicks Obsessed with Books and Eye CandyDecember 20 - Love BytesDecember 21 - Open Skye Book ReviewsDecember 22 - Boy Meets BoyDecember 23 - My Fiction NookDecember 27 - Scattered Thoughts and Rogue WordsDecember 28 - Dreamspinner Press Blog
Thank you ALL for your patience, your support, your kindness and for reading!
With Kindness and much holiday cheer!Raine
November 22, 2016
The 12 Days Approacheth!
I just received the final proof of The 12 Days of Hipster along with some cover samples.
Tyler's story has been so long coming, but I think you guys will really, really like it! It made me laugh while writing it, laugh while editing it, and laugh while proofing it.
Tyler Lang, hipster supreme.
<3
I'll let you know when I have a firm release date! And then we should maybe do a giveaway? I have some copies of the audio of Bowl Full of Cherries that might delight.
Thank you for sticking with me, guys!
With Kindness,
Raine
Tyler's story has been so long coming, but I think you guys will really, really like it! It made me laugh while writing it, laugh while editing it, and laugh while proofing it.
Tyler Lang, hipster supreme.
<3
I'll let you know when I have a firm release date! And then we should maybe do a giveaway? I have some copies of the audio of Bowl Full of Cherries that might delight.
Thank you for sticking with me, guys!
With Kindness,
Raine
September 5, 2016
Positivity for Writers #4: I Almost Gave Up... And Why I Didn't!
My last post was in March.
March.
That's insane. That's insane because so much has happened since then!
So why?
Because for the last six months, I've been in the process of giving up. Quitting. Throwing in the towel. Saying F this! You may have wanted this when you were a little girl, but you were young and foolish then...
Writing is hard. Publishing is hard. Interpersonal relationships are hard. It's all hard.
If you've ever put fingers to keyboard, submitted a manuscript, collaborated, or been part of a community you know this particular struggle.
I quietly closed down my Facebook. I put away all my Raine trappings. I decided I would... or wouldn't... or maybe...
And it sucked my friends. It sucked ALL the butts. More than that, it hurt my spirit.
Because a life without writing is a million times harder than the other day-to-day noise... And that's what it is, it's just noise. And doubt.
I wish I could show you clearly how I got from Point A (Let's quit this shizz!) to Point B (OK, I'll just put it away for now) to Point C (You know what? I'm strong enough to handle this.) Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure I stumbled like a drunk person along the path. Here are some of the things that I totally donked up before kinda, sorta, getting it right.
Acknowledge how you feel. I fought against the feeling of discontent without acknowledging it for so long that my psyche eventually went snap, crackle, pop! and I was forced to acknowledge for I felt. Believe me, if you can do it quietly and on your own terms, it's much better.Let yourself sit in it. Man, I fought it. Once my psyche broke and I realized how I felt... I was like, "MUST! DO! SOMETHING! ABOUT! THIS!" and that 'something' was to burn my writing house down. It took four incredible friends practically sitting on me to get me to stop flailing and just be.Weigh your options. But...but...this is the path I'm on. I have no other options! Not so. Going a different direction can be scary. And it definitely won't be easy. A new writing style? A new name? A new publishing house? Getting an agent? Or maybe becoming an indie publisher? Even stepping away from the publishing game? I didn't like all the options I came up with, but at least I finally realized I have some.Ask yourself the hard questions. Is it worth the shitty feelings? You'll probably start with that one. And if you feel half as miserable as I did, you'll say, nope. But you have to ask yourself this question as well: Will I regret quitting? And Can I be happy taking a break instead?Listen to the universe. Seriously. Don't ignore the kind words of your readers, your betas, your peers. Don't ignore the quiet opportunities that come your way, or the signs that point you toward your own contentment.Cut out the poison. Ohmygawd I have a habit of doing everything wrong when I feel bad! I eat too much, I'm too sedentary, I spend like a millionaire even though I only take home a librarian's salary. I seek affirmation from the wrong people and pack away projects that would make me feel good. So... I consciously stopped. I don't read reviews anymore, I don't read my the Facebook newsfeed. I try to be a good friend to people who are also good friends to me. And I chopped the shizz out of those credit cards. But it took over a year to get here.Be creative. Even if you don't feel like you can write, create. Draw, dance, sing, play, garden, sew, design, dream. This is one thing I did right. In the time I was figuring my shit out, I started drawing again. I started customizing dolls. I started doing decoupage. I made my own stamps and played around with calligraphy. I tackled color. Copics, prismas, and new lining techniques. I didn't let that creative energy stop.Try again. If you're going to quit forever, surely one more go at the keyboard isn't that much to ask? And if you can't manage that, at least read something you've written. For old time's sake? That way, you can say you gave it your all.
Writing is challenging. Same with publishing and collaborating and interpersonal relationships. They are all challenges.
If you're feeling overwhelmed by those challenges, give yourself a moment to breathe. Allow yourself to see your options. Change directions if you need to. But don't quit.
I promise you, there's someone--probably many someones--in this great wide world who will be worse off for not having read your words.
But more than that, you will be worse off for not having written them.
With Kindness,RoRo
March 25, 2016
FREE FICTION: The Quick and the Tad
A little free fiction that I wrote :) Harmony Ink Press put it out in their newsletter 3/1/2016 and I should post it, in case anyone missed it the first time around <3
With Kindness,
Ro
The Quick and the Tad
I DIDN’T sleep much last night.It’s stupid, practicing something to make it sound spontaneous. But this isn’t Where do you want to go for lunch? It needs practice and a hell of a lot of courage.I dump my bike on Quick’s front yard and go around to where the mulberry tree half hides his window. He never locks it and doesn’t even startle when I open it.I’ve got one leg over the sill when I blurt out, “I’ve got something really important to ask you!”Smooth.Quick’s on the phone and doesn’t seem to hear me.“S-sure,” he says to the caller. “I mean, I didn’t even realize you noticed me. But ’s cool. Can I, um, call you back later? We can talk more.”I plop down on his bed, my head buzzing with my question. “You okay, Quick?”“Do you know who that was?” He holds up his cell.“Nope. Psychic powers must be on the fritz.”“It was Kelsey Harold.”Oh…. “What’d she want? Trying to get you on that stupid decorations committee for Spring Fling?”“Not… quite,” he says slowly, raking his hand through his hair. I try not to stare. It’s long, dark, with streaks of gold. He sometimes pulls it back in this man-bun thing that makes me forget to finish my sentences. “More like asking me to Spring Fling.”Shit.“Yeah, that’s… something.”My best friend’s had a thing for Kelsey since the eighth grade, but I ignored it because he never had a shot. She’s pretty and nice in a goopy banana syrup way. What’s not to like?“What should I do, Tad?”“Tell her yes.” My mouth is totally autonomous. I force a smile even though I feel like someone has punched me in the gut. “Hey, I’m gonna go. You should call her back.”“You just got here.”True. But I don’t have any reason to be here. Not now.“And you were gonna ask me something. You said it was important.”“Nah…I….” Forgot what I was going to say. Lame lie.I can’t ask him now. But maybe I can tell him something instead. “Um, turn around,” I say, and he raises an eyebrow at me. “Just turn around, all right? And I’ll tell you a secret.”With a suspicious glance over his shoulder, Quick slowly turns his back to me.We haven’t done this since we were kids and we’d trade secrets at sleepovers when we didn’t want my little brother to hear us.“You’re being weird, Tad.”“Yeah. Sorry.”When I put my finger on his back, he flinches.“What are you doing?”“Telling you a secret. We used to do this all the time.”“When we were, like, eight. You’re being really weird.”“C’mon, you want to hear my secret, right?”When we were kids, we got really good at being able to read the feel of the letters. We’d write them big and slowly. I really liked when he touched my back. Now I’m not writing big or slow. I know Quick has no idea what I’m spelling, and that’s good. If he’s got a shot with Kelsey, then I really don’t want him to know how I feel about him.I leave my palm on his back after the last word for longer than I need to. I can feel his warmth. As he shifts, I feel his muscles move under my hand. My heart starts racing. Keep your head, Tad.
I’VE GOT something new to practice during my bike ride home: being happy for Quick. Like, really, stupidly happy for him. He’s going to Spring Fling with Kelsey.So I’m happy.I’m happy my best friend gets a shot with the girl he likes.But, question. Can you be happy and totally miserable at the same time?
I SAW Quick on Snapchat on Friday, but I ignored him. He bombarded me with texts last night. When he called this morning, I made an excuse not to talk.“Why are you avoiding Quick?”This is not a question I expect from my little brother. Andy’s standing in my doorway, looking at me like I’m stupid. We don’t really talk much. I don’t know why he cares.“Not.” I shrug at him. “Everything’s fine.”“Yeah, ’cause he sends me a text when ‘everything’s fine.’”Quick texted Andy?“It’s nothing. Kelsey Harold and him….” I shrug again.Has he called Kelsey back and told her yes yet?“You’re a moron.”“Get the hell out of my room.”Andy takes a tiny step back so he’s technically in the hall. “You like him, don’t you?”“What?” I try to sound offended and incredulous. “It’s not like that.”Liar, liar pants on fire.“You’re happy he’s got a girlfriend?” Andy asks dryly. He’s fourteen;nothing he says is supposed to come out that dry.“Yes.” Totally. Completely.“Whatever. You should tell him how you feel.”
I MANAGED to avoid Quick all morning and then hid out in the bathroom during lunch. But now it’s English, and we usually sit next to each other. Kelsey’s in this class too, though, so maybe….I pull out my book and start flipping through it like I’m suddenly interested in Victorian short stories, but then Quick’s there. I can feel his scowl. I glance at him. Thaddup. I’m too young for a heart attack, right? He passes Kelsey and walks toward me, throwing his bag down so hard, he almost flips his desk over.“So you are here, Tad.” It’s an accusation.I try to sound casual. “Yeah, I mean, I’ve been here, but….”“But you’re avoiding me.”“Hey, don’t you want to go sit with Kelsey?”He looks over his shoulder at her rigid back. “I don’t think she wants me to sit with her.”“That’s too bad. Having your first fight?”His gaze snaps back to me. I can’t remember him ever looking so pissed. “You’re such an asshole.”“That’s me,” I mutter.Quick drops into the seat. “Look, can you just say what’s on your mind? You’re really starting to piss me off.”The Yellow Wallpaper blurs before my eyes. “I thought you’d want some alone time with Kelsey.”“I’m not going out with Kelsey.”“Yeah, right. You’re going to Spring Fling.”“No, we’re not.”“Whatever.”“Why are you so angry, Tad?”Saved by Mrs. Michalski and her man hands. She raps on the whiteboard. I listen without listening and take notes without knowing what I’m writing down.Is he for real? She’s not his date?
QUICK STEPS in front of me when I try to leave.“Gotta hurry to math.”“Nope. Follow me.”I follow him through the sea of students. When I don’t move fast enough, he grabs my hand. If I closed my eyes, I could pretend. He lets go once we’re free of the crowd.There’s this little room at the back of the school near the auditorium. There’s nothing in there, just a high window and a stack of gym mats. If we ever want to skip, this is the perfect spot.We sit down next to each other on the mats. “Wanna tell me what gives? You say you wanna ask me something but you write on my back instead and bolt before I can reply. Now you’re avoiding me.”What gives is that I’ve got feelings for my best friend, and it’s eating me up inside. I’m not brave enough to just be friends. Not brave enough to let go, either.“I’m happy for you, Quick.” I’ve practiced those words so often they almost sound real, even to me. “It’s Kelsey, man.”“Did you even hear me? We’re not going out.” He glares hard at me as if it’s my fault.“Why not?”“Jesus, Tad. That was you writing on my back, right? ‘I like you. Don’t date her.’ Ring any bells?”But I wrote it so fast and so sloppy! How the hell did he…?“How…?”“Jackass. Do you like me or don’t you? Because I said no for you, Tad.”I look down at the dirty floor and hope I’m not blushing. Blindly I grope for his hand and pull it to me. I lay it on my knee, palm up.“Ask me a question.” The room absorbs my words, my secrets. We’re alone here, but I can’t say it out loud.“Do you like me, Tad?” His voice is quiet.I write on his palm with my finger. Large letters, slow, so there can be no doubt.Y-E-S.“Do you want to go out with me?”Y-E-S.“How long?”F-O-R-E-V-E-R.“No, how long have you liked me?”I repeat my last answer.His palm is sweaty. It’s not even that warm in here.And then very slowly, I ask him the question I’ve been wondering for years: “Do you want to be my boyfriend?”For a minute we sit there, not looking at each other, our palms pressed together, and then slowly he laces his fingers with mine. Like it isn’t a secret at all, Quick says, “Yes, I really do."
With Kindness,
Ro
The Quick and the Tad
I DIDN’T sleep much last night.It’s stupid, practicing something to make it sound spontaneous. But this isn’t Where do you want to go for lunch? It needs practice and a hell of a lot of courage.I dump my bike on Quick’s front yard and go around to where the mulberry tree half hides his window. He never locks it and doesn’t even startle when I open it.I’ve got one leg over the sill when I blurt out, “I’ve got something really important to ask you!”Smooth.Quick’s on the phone and doesn’t seem to hear me.“S-sure,” he says to the caller. “I mean, I didn’t even realize you noticed me. But ’s cool. Can I, um, call you back later? We can talk more.”I plop down on his bed, my head buzzing with my question. “You okay, Quick?”“Do you know who that was?” He holds up his cell.“Nope. Psychic powers must be on the fritz.”“It was Kelsey Harold.”Oh…. “What’d she want? Trying to get you on that stupid decorations committee for Spring Fling?”“Not… quite,” he says slowly, raking his hand through his hair. I try not to stare. It’s long, dark, with streaks of gold. He sometimes pulls it back in this man-bun thing that makes me forget to finish my sentences. “More like asking me to Spring Fling.”Shit.“Yeah, that’s… something.”My best friend’s had a thing for Kelsey since the eighth grade, but I ignored it because he never had a shot. She’s pretty and nice in a goopy banana syrup way. What’s not to like?“What should I do, Tad?”“Tell her yes.” My mouth is totally autonomous. I force a smile even though I feel like someone has punched me in the gut. “Hey, I’m gonna go. You should call her back.”“You just got here.”True. But I don’t have any reason to be here. Not now.“And you were gonna ask me something. You said it was important.”“Nah…I….” Forgot what I was going to say. Lame lie.I can’t ask him now. But maybe I can tell him something instead. “Um, turn around,” I say, and he raises an eyebrow at me. “Just turn around, all right? And I’ll tell you a secret.”With a suspicious glance over his shoulder, Quick slowly turns his back to me.We haven’t done this since we were kids and we’d trade secrets at sleepovers when we didn’t want my little brother to hear us.“You’re being weird, Tad.”“Yeah. Sorry.”When I put my finger on his back, he flinches.“What are you doing?”“Telling you a secret. We used to do this all the time.”“When we were, like, eight. You’re being really weird.”“C’mon, you want to hear my secret, right?”When we were kids, we got really good at being able to read the feel of the letters. We’d write them big and slowly. I really liked when he touched my back. Now I’m not writing big or slow. I know Quick has no idea what I’m spelling, and that’s good. If he’s got a shot with Kelsey, then I really don’t want him to know how I feel about him.I leave my palm on his back after the last word for longer than I need to. I can feel his warmth. As he shifts, I feel his muscles move under my hand. My heart starts racing. Keep your head, Tad.
I’VE GOT something new to practice during my bike ride home: being happy for Quick. Like, really, stupidly happy for him. He’s going to Spring Fling with Kelsey.So I’m happy.I’m happy my best friend gets a shot with the girl he likes.But, question. Can you be happy and totally miserable at the same time?
I SAW Quick on Snapchat on Friday, but I ignored him. He bombarded me with texts last night. When he called this morning, I made an excuse not to talk.“Why are you avoiding Quick?”This is not a question I expect from my little brother. Andy’s standing in my doorway, looking at me like I’m stupid. We don’t really talk much. I don’t know why he cares.“Not.” I shrug at him. “Everything’s fine.”“Yeah, ’cause he sends me a text when ‘everything’s fine.’”Quick texted Andy?“It’s nothing. Kelsey Harold and him….” I shrug again.Has he called Kelsey back and told her yes yet?“You’re a moron.”“Get the hell out of my room.”Andy takes a tiny step back so he’s technically in the hall. “You like him, don’t you?”“What?” I try to sound offended and incredulous. “It’s not like that.”Liar, liar pants on fire.“You’re happy he’s got a girlfriend?” Andy asks dryly. He’s fourteen;nothing he says is supposed to come out that dry.“Yes.” Totally. Completely.“Whatever. You should tell him how you feel.”
I MANAGED to avoid Quick all morning and then hid out in the bathroom during lunch. But now it’s English, and we usually sit next to each other. Kelsey’s in this class too, though, so maybe….I pull out my book and start flipping through it like I’m suddenly interested in Victorian short stories, but then Quick’s there. I can feel his scowl. I glance at him. Thaddup. I’m too young for a heart attack, right? He passes Kelsey and walks toward me, throwing his bag down so hard, he almost flips his desk over.“So you are here, Tad.” It’s an accusation.I try to sound casual. “Yeah, I mean, I’ve been here, but….”“But you’re avoiding me.”“Hey, don’t you want to go sit with Kelsey?”He looks over his shoulder at her rigid back. “I don’t think she wants me to sit with her.”“That’s too bad. Having your first fight?”His gaze snaps back to me. I can’t remember him ever looking so pissed. “You’re such an asshole.”“That’s me,” I mutter.Quick drops into the seat. “Look, can you just say what’s on your mind? You’re really starting to piss me off.”The Yellow Wallpaper blurs before my eyes. “I thought you’d want some alone time with Kelsey.”“I’m not going out with Kelsey.”“Yeah, right. You’re going to Spring Fling.”“No, we’re not.”“Whatever.”“Why are you so angry, Tad?”Saved by Mrs. Michalski and her man hands. She raps on the whiteboard. I listen without listening and take notes without knowing what I’m writing down.Is he for real? She’s not his date?
QUICK STEPS in front of me when I try to leave.“Gotta hurry to math.”“Nope. Follow me.”I follow him through the sea of students. When I don’t move fast enough, he grabs my hand. If I closed my eyes, I could pretend. He lets go once we’re free of the crowd.There’s this little room at the back of the school near the auditorium. There’s nothing in there, just a high window and a stack of gym mats. If we ever want to skip, this is the perfect spot.We sit down next to each other on the mats. “Wanna tell me what gives? You say you wanna ask me something but you write on my back instead and bolt before I can reply. Now you’re avoiding me.”What gives is that I’ve got feelings for my best friend, and it’s eating me up inside. I’m not brave enough to just be friends. Not brave enough to let go, either.“I’m happy for you, Quick.” I’ve practiced those words so often they almost sound real, even to me. “It’s Kelsey, man.”“Did you even hear me? We’re not going out.” He glares hard at me as if it’s my fault.“Why not?”“Jesus, Tad. That was you writing on my back, right? ‘I like you. Don’t date her.’ Ring any bells?”But I wrote it so fast and so sloppy! How the hell did he…?“How…?”“Jackass. Do you like me or don’t you? Because I said no for you, Tad.”I look down at the dirty floor and hope I’m not blushing. Blindly I grope for his hand and pull it to me. I lay it on my knee, palm up.“Ask me a question.” The room absorbs my words, my secrets. We’re alone here, but I can’t say it out loud.“Do you like me, Tad?” His voice is quiet.I write on his palm with my finger. Large letters, slow, so there can be no doubt.Y-E-S.“Do you want to go out with me?”Y-E-S.“How long?”F-O-R-E-V-E-R.“No, how long have you liked me?”I repeat my last answer.His palm is sweaty. It’s not even that warm in here.And then very slowly, I ask him the question I’ve been wondering for years: “Do you want to be my boyfriend?”For a minute we sit there, not looking at each other, our palms pressed together, and then slowly he laces his fingers with mine. Like it isn’t a secret at all, Quick says, “Yes, I really do."
