Cornelius Elmore Addison's Blog, page 4
January 3, 2014
Recent happenings in Calladin
I actually thought I was too old for the tooth fairy to pay me a visit. But some nights ago I woke up to find a black-clad fairy perched on my night table.
"One move and you get it, pal," she said threateningly.
"Oh dear. Have you come to steal my teeth?" I asked.
"Keep quiet," she told me. I heard another fairy rummaging about the room - no doubt in search of my teeth. I had never been robbed by fairies, but recently I had read in the paper that certain people in Calladin were complaining about their teeth being stolen in the middle of the night. Now it was my turn, it seemed.
"Alright, where have you got them hidden?" the fairy on my night stand demanded.
"You told me to keep quiet," I pointed out.
"Don't play smart," she answered back. "Just hand over the goods and we'll leave you alone."
"This seems awfully unfair," I complained. "I need my teeth. Is there any chance we can make a deal here?"
The rummaging fairy flittered down onto my night stand so that I could see her. She, like the first, was dressed in black and carrying some kind of oversized extraction tool that looked a bit like a mini sledgehammer.
"Dear heavens, what on earth is that?" I asked in alarm.
"Hand 'em over grandpa," this equally demanding fairy asked. "We haven't got time for this."
I wanted to cry for help, but who would believe I could let such tiny creatures rob me?
"Why didn't you just swat them?" I imagined a smirking police officer asking me. No, I would have to deal with these miniature thieves myself.
"Now look," I began, still daring not to move. "My teeth are old and pretty much useless to anyone but me. I am quite certain they are worthless. Because think about it. If they were any good, I'd keep them safely stored in my mouth, wouldn't I?"
This made the fairies look at each other. I had got them thinking, you see. So I carried on.
"And because they are worthless, I leave them lying around the garden sometimes and completely forget about them for days at time. I only put them back in if Tibbens my dog happens to find them and brings them back after burying them for a few days."
This made the pair cringe.
"That's disgusting," one said.
"Not really," I said thoughtfully, "I think it is very kind of him to return my teeth. You know, perhaps you can check the shed. Sometimes I leave them there."
"But why do you take them out in the first place?" the other fairy asked.
"Well, you only need them to eat and talk, don't you? And as you can hear, I don't really need them to talk. And I am also quite forgetful. Once I found them in an antiques shop. I have no idea how they got there, let me tell you." I chuckled.
One fairy shook her head, "I think we're wasting our time with this one," she said taking to the air again. "He hasn't got any teeth and he's just making it up. Come on, let's move on to the next place."
"Shouldn't we neutralize him first?" the other one asked. I didn't like the sound of that.
"No, I am low on dust," the first fairy replied. "He'll just go back to sleep and think it was a dream."
I waited till they were gone. When all was quiet, I got up to peer into my cupboard where I kept my teeth on a shelf locked up in a little wooden box. I had bought this box after reading about the thefts and thought myself quite clever now for having taken such a precaution. Chuckling to myself for outsmarting the fairies, I unlocked the box with a key I'd hidden on the top shelf ... and realized my teeth were not in there after all. Obviously I had left them out in the shed again.
I sighed and shook my head.
***
No doubt you are wondering if this was a dream after all. Or if I do actually have teeth and just made that all up simply as a way to pique your interest in the fairytale I am currently writing, or in the strange city of Calladin generally. Well, I will only say that a little while ago, I purchased a fairy character from Mack the character merchant, and this fairy sits on the loungeroom mantelpiece where you can see her right now if you visit Addison's Tales. Her story is not yet written, which is why she is only just visible, but once her tale is done and ready, she will be fully formed and you will be able to click on her to find out more.
Hoho!
"One move and you get it, pal," she said threateningly.
"Oh dear. Have you come to steal my teeth?" I asked.
"Keep quiet," she told me. I heard another fairy rummaging about the room - no doubt in search of my teeth. I had never been robbed by fairies, but recently I had read in the paper that certain people in Calladin were complaining about their teeth being stolen in the middle of the night. Now it was my turn, it seemed.
"Alright, where have you got them hidden?" the fairy on my night stand demanded.
"You told me to keep quiet," I pointed out.
"Don't play smart," she answered back. "Just hand over the goods and we'll leave you alone."
"This seems awfully unfair," I complained. "I need my teeth. Is there any chance we can make a deal here?"
The rummaging fairy flittered down onto my night stand so that I could see her. She, like the first, was dressed in black and carrying some kind of oversized extraction tool that looked a bit like a mini sledgehammer.
"Dear heavens, what on earth is that?" I asked in alarm.
"Hand 'em over grandpa," this equally demanding fairy asked. "We haven't got time for this."
I wanted to cry for help, but who would believe I could let such tiny creatures rob me?
"Why didn't you just swat them?" I imagined a smirking police officer asking me. No, I would have to deal with these miniature thieves myself.
"Now look," I began, still daring not to move. "My teeth are old and pretty much useless to anyone but me. I am quite certain they are worthless. Because think about it. If they were any good, I'd keep them safely stored in my mouth, wouldn't I?"
This made the fairies look at each other. I had got them thinking, you see. So I carried on.
"And because they are worthless, I leave them lying around the garden sometimes and completely forget about them for days at time. I only put them back in if Tibbens my dog happens to find them and brings them back after burying them for a few days."
This made the pair cringe.
"That's disgusting," one said.
"Not really," I said thoughtfully, "I think it is very kind of him to return my teeth. You know, perhaps you can check the shed. Sometimes I leave them there."
"But why do you take them out in the first place?" the other fairy asked.
"Well, you only need them to eat and talk, don't you? And as you can hear, I don't really need them to talk. And I am also quite forgetful. Once I found them in an antiques shop. I have no idea how they got there, let me tell you." I chuckled.
One fairy shook her head, "I think we're wasting our time with this one," she said taking to the air again. "He hasn't got any teeth and he's just making it up. Come on, let's move on to the next place."
"Shouldn't we neutralize him first?" the other one asked. I didn't like the sound of that.
"No, I am low on dust," the first fairy replied. "He'll just go back to sleep and think it was a dream."
I waited till they were gone. When all was quiet, I got up to peer into my cupboard where I kept my teeth on a shelf locked up in a little wooden box. I had bought this box after reading about the thefts and thought myself quite clever now for having taken such a precaution. Chuckling to myself for outsmarting the fairies, I unlocked the box with a key I'd hidden on the top shelf ... and realized my teeth were not in there after all. Obviously I had left them out in the shed again.
I sighed and shook my head.
***
No doubt you are wondering if this was a dream after all. Or if I do actually have teeth and just made that all up simply as a way to pique your interest in the fairytale I am currently writing, or in the strange city of Calladin generally. Well, I will only say that a little while ago, I purchased a fairy character from Mack the character merchant, and this fairy sits on the loungeroom mantelpiece where you can see her right now if you visit Addison's Tales. Her story is not yet written, which is why she is only just visible, but once her tale is done and ready, she will be fully formed and you will be able to click on her to find out more.
Hoho!
