Shikhar Nigam's Blog, page 6

The Most Memorable Fictional Foods

Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster from
Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy

"[The Guide] says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. It says that the effect of a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick."






Bertie Bott's Every-Flavoured Beans
from Harry Potter




"You want to be careful with these. When they say every flavour, they mean every flavour - you know you get all the ordinary ones like chocolate and peppermint and marmalade, but then you can get spinach and liver and tripe. George reckons he had a bogey-flavoured one once." 



Senzu Beans from DragonBallZ


Senzu Beans (仙豆) are mystical beans with immense rejuvenation properties in the Dragon Ball franchise. When eaten, the consumer's energy and physical health are restored to their fullest; the effects are typically almost instantaneous for the recipient, making these beans a great asset both in and out of battle. 



[image error]Book Chewing-Gum from Jimmy Neutron




"The book gum allows you knowledge of an entire book just by chewing a piece of gum."






[image error]Lembas Bread from
Lord Of The Rings

"Eat little at a time, and only at need. For these things are given to serve you when all else fails. The cakes will keep sweet for many many days, if they are unbroken and left in their leaf-wrappings, as we have brought them. One will keep a traveler on his feet for a day of long labour, even if he be one of the tall men of Minas Tirith." 
—The Fellowship of the Ring, "Farewell to Lorien"


[image error]Big Kahuna Burger from Pulp Fiction



"Big Kahuna Burgers! That's that Hawaiian burger joint. I hear they've got some tasty burgers. I ain't never had one myself, how are they?" 

[image error]Popeye's Spinach





I remember this from my childhood. Needless to say, I spent many dinners pretending to have superhuman strength just as I had taken my first-bite of some spinach.





Orange Soda from Kenan & Kel





"Who loves Orange Soda? 
K-K-Kel loves Orange Soda.

Is it true?
I do. I do. I dooooooooo." 




Krabby Patty
from Spongebob Squarepants



After all the hype, I really want to know what it tastes like.

Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog

Joss Whedon is Nerd-God. There wasn't any doubt about this in my head ever since I saw Serenity, and then Firefly. For the general masses, he most likely became so after his hugely successful The Avengers. But, that's not the reason why I think so highly of him. The same time he was making The Avengers, he also worked on Much Ado About Nothing (you can find my review here) - which was a gem. Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog is another such gem. It was a three-part musical webseries that runs over just 42 minutes. It's short. It's sweet. It's awesome.

It's the story of Dr. Horrible (Neil Patrick Harris, who is a powerhouse of performance in himself) who is trying very hard to get into the Evil League of Evil while at the same time trying to come up with the courage to talk to his crush, Penny (Felicity Day), who falls for Dr. Horrible's arch nemesis, the Captain Hammer (Nathan Fillion). But, the story is not meant to be the highlight - it's the songs. The songs are so damned catchy. Who doesn't want a Freeze Ray so that they can stop time to talk to the girl of their dreams. Or lament the deplorable condition of humanity in unfortunate fits of intense cynicism. I was singing these songs throughout the week - and then I'd come back and put them on again. There's also a video that shows how Joss Whedon, his brother and sister-in-law and came up with the lyrics and it is a good watch too. 
What I'm saying is that you've got to watch this, hear this, and sing it.
Favourite Quotes
"Sarcasm! How original!" "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Don't plan the plan, if you can't follow through.""Listen close to everybody's heart, and hear that breaking sound." "The hammer is my penis."
You can find my other TV episode reviews, here.You can find a list of everything I've seen, here.

Graphology (10 Steps, 1 Skill)

George Orwell. The Dystopian Overlord.The very first thing you should know is that handwriting-analysis is, as Sheldon would put it, "hokum".
But, there are advantages of knowing this art - the most important being that you can use it to impress most people (read girls). Unless, of course, you happen to run into a rationalist like me. But, fortunately, rational, skeptical people aren't a majority. So, you'll probably get away with looking cool. And always remember one thing. Any such pseudoscience never ever ever tells a person anything bad about themselves. 
Step 1: The Size Of The LettersLarge - Outgoing, people-oriented, outspoken, love attention. Or you put up a front and pretend to have a lot of confidence.Average - Well adjusted. Adaptable.Small - Studious. Concentrated. Meticulous. 
Step 2: The Spacing Between LettersWide - Enjoy freedom. Don't like to be overwhelmed or overcrowded.Narrow - You like to be with people as much as possible.
Step 3: The Slant Of The LettersForward - You are always seeking out new experiences, new knowledge. Straight - You try not to let your emotions to control you. You're logical and practical.Backwards - You like to keep busy and like to work behind the scenes. You show signs of being a rebel.
Ernest Hemmingway. Round. Creative. Drunk.Step 4: The Letters
Rounded - You are creative and artistic.Pointy - You can be aggressive. You are intelligent, intense and curious.Connected - Logical. Systematic. Make decisions carefully.  
Step 5: The L-loops
Narrow - You restrict yourself. This may causing you some tension.Wide - You're relaxed and spontaneous.
Step 6: The e-Loop
Narrow - You tend to be skeptical of others and not be swayed by their emotions.Wide - You're open minded and open to new experiences.
Step 7: The i-dot
High - Great imagination.Left - You tend to procrastinate.Slash - Overly critical of self and don't have patience for other people's inadequacy.Right Above - Detail-oriented. Organized. Emphatic.Circle - Visionary. Childlike.Step 8: The o-loop
Open - Talkative, social, able to express yourself clearlyClosed - You are a private person.
Step 9: The 't'-slash
Very Top - Ambitious. Optimistic. Good self-esteem.Middle - Confident. Feel comfortable being yourself.Long - Determined but stubborn. Find it hard to let things go without finishing them.Short - A bit lazy which makes you very capable of finding the simpler solutions and insightful.
Step 10: The 's'
Round - People pleaser. Dislike confrontations. Pointy - Enjoy learning new things. Inquisitive. Ambitious.Wide base - You might not be following your heart in your career or other pursuits.
Source  
This post forms a part of the series 10 Steps, 1 Skill which aims at teaching a skill, technique or ability upto a sufficient level of expertise so as to be able to seem smart, not inept or better than a beginner - with the least amount of effort possible, or in the simplest steps - always limited to 10.

You may find other posts in this series, here.

My "Twilight" Story

I am sorry to say,
On this ill-fated day,
You must read with dismay,
About a girl - Bella – say.

She was born on twenty-four,
With as many or maybe more,
Qualities that devils adore,
Making her rotten to the core.

Bella, as a child, wanted that,
This, a puppy, a doll, a cat,
Dresses, shoes and a hat,
Acting like a complete brat.

But through her deceit,
She charmed everyone she’d meet.
With fake respect, them she’d treat.
Naturally, people thought her sweet.

This story is about Bella’s lies,
About how she met her demise,
And as you read, take my advice,
Remember, no good comes of vice.

A major role in her life to play,
Entered two guys: Jacob and Edward, say.
Edward took her heart away,
While talking to Jacob made her day.

One day, to Bella, Jacob spoke,
I don’t like that Edward bloke.
I don’t like how you two yoke,
So let him go or our friendship is broke.

Bella with her evil cunning,
Assured Jacob of the thing,
While still going with Edward on flings,
To both of them, deceitfully she clinged.

Realizing this, to Bella, Jacob spake,
I knew your promise was fake,
And now regretfully I have to take
This decision: our friendship to break.

‘I want you both in my life’,
She pleaded with sincerity rife.
‘I am sorry about our strife,
Your lies cut me deeper than a knife.’

And saying so, away Jacob went,
Bella, from his mind, away he sent,
Away he moved, and happily spent,
His life, satisfied and ardent.

A year later, Jacob came to know,
Bella and Edward had had a row,
After which, from her life, Edward made to go,
Leaving Bella feeling low.

For months about this, she had cried,
And then to stop her misery she had tried,
Had taken a blade, and let it slide,
And that is how, Bella died.

Origami (10 Steps, 1 Skill)

[image error]Origami is the Japanese art of paper ('kami') folding ("ori"). The goal is to transform a flat sheet of paper into a finished sculpture through folding. The use of cuts, glue, or markings on the paper is discouraged. Factoids To Sound Smart Earlier, it was called Orikata (folded shape)The Japanese word for paper "kami" is the same written word as the Japanese word for spirit or god and certain origami models were part of their religious ceremonies.An ancient Japanese legend promises that anyone who folds a thousand origami cranes will be granted a wish by a crane.Most of the following models are "active" models so as to be most impressive for showing-off.So, let's start with a classic - the Crane. 
(You can also find the complete playlist here)
1. A Simple Crane


2. A Hopping Frog
3. A Flapping Bird














4. A Ring

5. A Beating Heart

6. A Butterfly


7. A Lily

8. An Airplane

9. A Samurai Helmet

10. A Blow-up Ball



This post forms a part of the series 10 Steps, 1 Skill which aims at teaching a skill, technique or ability upto a sufficient level of expertise so as to be able to seem smart, not inept or better than a beginner - with the least amount of effort possible, or in the simplest steps - always limited to 10.

You may find other posts in this series, here.

Promises Better Kept Broken

Divya looked at the corpse lying next to her. It hadn't started to decay yet. There was no foul smell on it. Divya didn't know exactly what a dead, decaying, putrefying cadaver ought to smell like, but thankfully there was absolutely no stench on the corpse whatsoever. And that was a good thing. As long as it did not smell, dealing with the corpse would be easy. Hiding it, keeping it secret would be easy. And Divya didn't know the how, the why or the who but she knew one thing for certain – the corpse needed to be a secret.
Divya sighed and glanced down. In the dimness of her night-light in her bedroom, the metallic, cross-linked chains that bound her to the corpse did not gleam. The first of the chains that joined her left hand to the corpse's right lay across her stomach. The second chain that joined her foot with the corpse's was under the covers.
Divya shifted uneasily in her bed. The shackle rotated around her ankle, but didn't make a sound. Sleep had been difficult for her lately. Ever since she had found the corpse next to her, three days ago, she had been having troubled dreams. She would wake up in the morning unsure of the details of her dream but certain that it had been morbid.
Divya brought her knees to her chest and let her fingers glide along the contours of the cold shackle. She sighed again and traced her fingers along the chain, counting the number of links in it. She stopped sliding her hand along the chain just as she was about to touch the corpse. To touch it would be to acknowledge it. To acknowledge it would be catastrophe.
Divya shut her eyes tighter, let go of the chain that bound her and prayed for a dreamless night.
* * *
The next Tuesday morning went by as usual. The corpse followed Divya around as she went by her morning rituals. When she would move her hands, the chains would lengthen and shorten by themselves; and when she would walk, the corpse would follow her around like a faithful new-born pup. And except for these movements, the corpse remained entirely motionless, unflinching and dead. Thankfully, it still hadn't started to decay even now. No nose-curling, attention-drawing stench. As long as there was no smell, Divya believed she could blissfully ignore the corpse. When she made to her classes, Divya kept throwing furtive glances around her. She had realised three days ago, that no one but her could see the corpse attached to her, and she hardly knew how she would react if someone suddenly found out her secret, but she remained vigilant, making sure no one eyed her suspiciously.
And the next two days passed just as they always had. No one seemed to have noticed the corpse joined to Divya by the silver chains, not even her best friend Tanu who was currently lounging on Divya's bed with her and the corpse.
“You know you've been acting weird lately, right?” Tanu asked without looking up at Divya.
“I know,” Divya said dejectedly.
“Is it because of … you know ...?”
“Umm … no ...not exactly … I don't know … exactly.”
“So have you talked to him after that?”
Divya looked glumly at Tanu.
“Why not?” Tanu asked.
Divya shrugged.
“You should talk to him, you know. Find out what's going to happen,” Tanu suggested.
“There's nothing to find out. Nothing is going to happen. He was upset and angry. He lashed out and said some things he didn't mean. It's normal.”
“He didn't just lash out. He went berserk. He said things that no one should be allowed to take back. And he hasn't even tried to apologize yet. That's not normal.”
“Our relationship does not require apologies.”
Tanu snorted. “Or … you know ... maybe, there's no relationship anymore ...”
Divya glared at Tanu. “Why would you say that?” she said in a hurt and troubled voice.
Tanu took one look at Divya's distraught face and sighed. “Nothing,” she muttered and fell back down on the bed.
That night, after dinner, Divya excused herself to her bedroom feigning a headache. Tanu's suggestion was still rattling through her head. Of course, she knew how things stood between them and for him to apologize was needless. She had forgiven him as soon as it had happened. She had understood, and despite what Tanu had said, she had been right to do so. The corpse lying in the bed next to her caught her eye and her convictions faltered. After a minute of some very juvenile rationalizing, Divya took out her cell phone and called him. After about twenty rings, the phone was picked up but no one spoke.
“Hi,” Divya said trying her hardest to hide the eagerness in her voice.
“Hi,” the voice replied plainly.
“How are you?” Divya asked.
“Fine,” came back the monosyllabic reply.
Divya hesitated. This wasn't turning out to be the happy, reconciliatory conversation she had been hoping for.
“Listen, Divya, my battery is low and I am outside. I'll call you later,” the voice on the other side of the call said hurriedly.
“Okay … yeah ... sure.”
“Bye.”
“B … ”
The call had been cut before Divya could finish her 'bye'. Divya slid the phone back under her pillow and glared angrily at the chains binding her to the corpse next to her. Five minutes later, she had retrieved her phone and had pressed redial. To her great surprise, the phone was engaged. Divya huffed and cut the call. Five minutes later she called again. Still engaged. Divya settled down to another five minutes of waiting. She could feel those ugly bugs – jealousy and paranoia – trying to crawl up her spine and into her head. But she fought them off. Five minutes later, Divya cut another engaged call. And so it went for more than half an hour. Fighting off the paranoia and the jealousy and the anger and the suspicions and the resentment and the self-loathing and the drowsiness kept getting harder and harder. Finally, during her umpteenth waiting spell, she fell asleep.
* * *
Golden drops of the silky sunlight trickled into Divya's bedroom, the next morning and fell on her face. Sluggishly, Divya turned around in her bed and away from the sun. As the drowsiness began to lift, she forced herself to recall that mishmash of emotions that she had been feeling last night. She let herself feel all of it but didn't think about it. She didn't try to analyse if she was right or wrong, what it meant or didn't. She just felt.
With her mind brimming with all of the disappointment and hatred and regret she had been feeling last night, Divya started to get out of bed. She gasped. The silver chain on her wrist had disappeared. She frantically turned around hoping against hope but the corpse was still there. Undeterred, Divya looked under the covers. The chain binding her foot to the corpse was the same as ever. It had not vanished. Divya was disappointed. And that's when it hit her – a foul, rotten, noisome stench. Divya looked back at the corpse. It certainly seemed a bit desiccated. Divya scrunched up her nose, got out of bed and started walking towards her bathroom. For the third time in three minutes, she was taken completely by surprise.
The corpse was no longer walking behind her. It was being dragged along the floor by her foot. Divya sighed, looked at her free hands, felt grateful for the little joys and dragged the corpse into the bathroom with herself.

“I told you something like this would happen,” said Tanu when Divya finished telling her about the previous night. They were both lying in Divya's bedroom, just as they had been the previous evening.
“You did,” Divya sighed. “But, it shouldn't have happened. You shouldn't have been right.”
Tanu shrugged and didn't say anything.
Divya looked around her room listlessly. It was filling up with the stench of the decaying corpse. It was a miracle that Tanu could not smell it. It was taking all of Divya's willpower to not cry out in horror and disgust at the smell.
“Okay, so hear me out one last time,” Tanu said. “You've been going for a year now?”
“Year and a half.”
Tanu nodded. “In that much time, would you say that both of you have contributed equally to the relationship?”
Divya thought about it. “I might have done slightly more.”
“Like what?” “Like whenever we would have a fight, it was always me who succumbed. I never thought he was right but I always submitted and said sorry, because he would become all gloomy and throw a tantrum or something. And then there were all those pep talks I gave him. Do you know how many times he's tried to encourage and motivate me? Zero. If I ever told him about my new projects or grades or anything, never once has he said, well done. And what did I do in return?! Give him endless pep talks. You know how he sometimes goes on these long whining rant about how pathetic he is and how bad his grades are and that he's never going to be anything. Well, I've pep talked him so much, any other guy would have become Zuckerberg by now.”
Divya took a deep breath to calm herself but instead inhaled a very large dose of the stench that the corpse had been emanating since the morning. The malodour had grown stronger but his time instead of grossing her out, it filled her with an ineffable sense of conviction. And without even thinking about it, she continued her rant.
“And that's not even the end! He's mean. He's really, really mean. And childish. And like control-freak possessive. I mean, a bit is fine. A bit is good but he was overdoing it. He was always overdoing it. And even in that, he's never constant! One second he would bloody fight with me for talking to someone else, then go on this long, romantic speech about how much he loved and couldn't bear to see me with anyone else and then just the next day he wouldn't speak two words to me nicely. He would be all gruff and insulting and deprecating.” Divya paused. It almost seemed that she was done ranting, when she blurted, “And he's so so insecure. Like you wouldn't believe! The git has a problem if I get good grades, the bastard. He tries to make me feel guilty and shit about caring about studies. And then he whines! God, how he whines! ”
And finally Divya was done.
Tanu let a few moments pass and allowed Divya to catch her breath. Then she asked, “What kind of incentives? For his grades.”
“All kinds.”
“Okay, and what about last time?”
“Last time, he said things he didn't mean,” Divya said automatically. And then stopped. That didn't ring true anymore. She was starting to see a pattern here.
“Really?” Tanu asked incredulously.
“No,” Divya said. “I think he probably meant all of it. And what's more he's probably expecting me to say that I was wrong and that I am sorry.”
“Yeah, he probably does,” Tanu said. “So, what are you going to do about it?”
“What should I do about it?”
“Call him. Be upfront. Be straightforward. Ask him if he wants to breakup.”
Divya looked apprehensively at Tanu.
“Don't look like that at me! Weren't you listening to yourself?”
Of course, she had been, Divya thought. And Tanu was right. She needed to be straightforward and she needed to get this over with. She picked up her phone from her dresser and called her boyfriend up.
It wasn't engaged.
She started to count the rings.
One.
Was she being too rash?
Two.
He could really have been busy, last night, couldn't he?
Three.
He would have probably called, like he had said last night.
Four.
No, he wouldn't have. He never has.
Five.
And he should have cared enough to call back last night.
Six.
Even if it meant waking her up. But, he hadn't.
Seven.
And that was because, he was a jerk.
Eight.
Without a doubt the biggest asshole ever.
Nine. “Hello,” a sleepy voice said from the other end.
“It's me,” Divya said thinking.
“Oh,” the voice said, and then stopped. Divya waited for him to say something more but the pause stretched itself into an awkward and uncomfortable silence.
“I wanted to talk about something,” Divya said gathering up her courage. She was about to end a year-long relationship. She was about to give up a really, really good friend that she cared about very deeply. She was about to admit that she had wasted almost a year and a half of her life on a git.
“And, I'm going to very un-melodramatic about it. Very straightforward. And I'd like you to be the same.”
“Okay,” he said slowly.
“Do you want to breakup?” Divya asked with bated breath.
And it seemed like hours had ticked by before she heard his voice again.
“I guess that would be best.”
For a moment, Divya was completely flabbergasted. That had not at all been what she had been expecting. A small part of her had been hoping that her worthless boyfriend would have redeemed himself. But, no. He was proving himself to be the perfect spineless pig.
“I guess that would be best!?” Divya screamed into the phone. “I guess that would be best??!! Is that all you have to say, you worthless piece of shit! After all the times we've spent together, after everything I've done for you, all you have to say is friggin' “it would be best”. You know, you really are a self-centered, insecure, immature little bastard. I can't believe I've wasted so much time with you! Fuck off, fucker.”
Divya threw the phone on her bed and looked at Tanu who was looking a little worriedly at her sudden outburst. Divya felt enraged. She wanted to rip something up. And then she heard the clangs of the silver chain around her foot. Divya looked down. The silver chain binding her leg to the dead, dying corpse had broken. And as the chains started to disappear, the corpse got up on its feet. It gave her a smile, and for the first the time ever since the corpse had mysteriously appeared a week ago, the corpse spoke.
“Well done, Divya” it said and then disappeared taking away with it the foul stench that had been clogging up Divya's soul.
Divya looked once around her room to make sure that the corpse had really gone. It had. Divya finally felt free. She felt like a huge, backbreaking weight had been lifted off her. She felt happy. She smiled and looked at Tanu. “C'mon! We're going out to celebrate!”
THE END

Promises Better Kept Broken

Divya looked at the corpse lying next to her. It hadn't started to decay yet. There was no foul smell on it. Divya didn't know exactly what a dead, decaying, putrefying cadaver ought to smell like, but thankfully there was absolutely no stench on the corpse whatsoever. And that was a good thing. As long as it did not smell, dealing with the corpse would be easy. Hiding it, keeping it secret would be easy. And Divya didn't know the how, the why or the who but she knew one thing for certain – the corpse needed to be a secret.
Divya sighed and glanced down. In the dimness of her night-light in her bedroom, the metallic, cross-linked chains that bound her to the corpse did not gleam. The first of the chains that joined her left hand to the corpse's right lay across her stomach. The second chain that joined her foot with the corpse's was under the covers.
Divya shifted uneasily in her bed. The shackle rotated around her ankle, but didn't make a sound. Sleep had been difficult for her lately. Ever since she had found the corpse next to her, three days ago, she had been having troubled dreams. She would wake up in the morning unsure of the details of her dream but certain that it had been morbid.
Divya brought her knees to her chest and let her fingers glide along the contours of the cold shackle. She sighed again and traced her fingers along the chain, counting the number of links in it. She stopped sliding her hand along the chain just as she was about to touch the corpse. To touch it would be to acknowledge it. To acknowledge it would be catastrophe.
Divya shut her eyes tighter, let go of the chain that bound her and prayed for a dreamless night.
* * *
The next Tuesday morning went by as usual. The corpse followed Divya around as she went by her morning rituals. When she would move her hands, the chains would lengthen and shorten by themselves; and when she would walk, the corpse would follow her around like a faithful new-born pup. And except for these movements, the corpse remained entirely motionless, unflinching and dead. Thankfully, it still hadn't started to decay even now. No nose-curling, attention-drawing stench. As long as there was no smell, Divya believed she could blissfully ignore the corpse. When she made to her classes, Divya kept throwing furtive glances around her. She had realised three days ago, that no one but her could see the corpse attached to her, and she hardly knew how she would react if someone suddenly found out her secret, but she remained vigilant, making sure no one eyed her suspiciously.
And the next two days passed just as they always had. No one seemed to have noticed the corpse joined to Divya by the silver chains, not even her best friend Tanu who was currently lounging on Divya's bed with her and the corpse.
“You know you've been acting weird lately, right?” Tanu asked without looking up at Divya.
“I know,” Divya said dejectedly.
“Is it because of … you know ...?”
“Umm … no ...not exactly … I don't know … exactly.”
“So have you talked to him after that?”
Divya looked glumly at Tanu.
“Why not?” Tanu asked.
Divya shrugged.
“You should talk to him, you know. Find out what's going to happen,” Tanu suggested.
“There's nothing to find out. Nothing is going to happen. He was upset and angry. He lashed out and said some things he didn't mean. It's normal.”
“He didn't just lash out. He went berserk. He said things that no one should be allowed to take back. And he hasn't even tried to apologize yet. That's not normal.”
“Our relationship does not require apologies.”
Tanu snorted. “Or … you know ... maybe, there's no relationship anymore ...”
Divya glared at Tanu. “Why would you say that?” she said in a hurt and troubled voice.
Tanu took one look at Divya's distraught face and sighed. “Nothing,” she muttered and fell back down on the bed.
That night, after dinner, Divya excused herself to her bedroom feigning a headache. Tanu's suggestion was still rattling through her head. Of course, she knew how things stood between them and for him to apologize was needless. She had forgiven him as soon as it had happened. She had understood, and despite what Tanu had said, she had been right to do so. The corpse lying in the bed next to her caught her eye and her convictions faltered. After a minute of some very juvenile rationalizing, Divya took out her cell phone and called him. After about twenty rings, the phone was picked up but no one spoke.
“Hi,” Divya said trying her hardest to hide the eagerness in her voice.
“Hi,” the voice replied plainly.
“How are you?” Divya asked.
“Fine,” came back the monosyllabic reply.
Divya hesitated. This wasn't turning out to be the happy, reconciliatory conversation she had been hoping for.
“Listen, Divya, my battery is low and I am outside. I'll call you later,” the voice on the other side of the call said hurriedly.
“Okay … yeah ... sure.”
“Bye.”
“B … ”
The call had been cut before Divya could finish her 'bye'. Divya slid the phone back under her pillow and glared angrily at the chains binding her to the corpse next to her. Five minutes later, she had retrieved her phone and had pressed redial. To her great surprise, the phone was engaged. Divya huffed and cut the call. Five minutes later she called again. Still engaged. Divya settled down to another five minutes of waiting. She could feel those ugly bugs – jealousy and paranoia – trying to crawl up her spine and into her head. But she fought them off. Five minutes later, Divya cut another engaged call. And so it went for more than half an hour. Fighting off the paranoia and the jealousy and the anger and the suspicions and the resentment and the self-loathing and the drowsiness kept getting harder and harder. Finally, during her umpteenth waiting spell, she fell asleep.
* * *
Golden drops of the silky sunlight trickled into Divya's bedroom, the next morning and fell on her face. Sluggishly, Divya turned around in her bed and away from the sun. As the drowsiness began to lift, she forced herself to recall that mishmash of emotions that she had been feeling last night. She let herself feel all of it but didn't think about it. She didn't try to analyse if she was right or wrong, what it meant or didn't. She just felt.
With her mind brimming with all of the disappointment and hatred and regret she had been feeling last night, Divya started to get out of bed. She gasped. The silver chain on her wrist had disappeared. She frantically turned around hoping against hope but the corpse was still there. Undeterred, Divya looked under the covers. The chain binding her foot to the corpse was the same as ever. It had not vanished. Divya was disappointed. And that's when it hit her – a foul, rotten, noisome stench. Divya looked back at the corpse. It certainly seemed a bit desiccated. Divya scrunched up her nose, got out of bed and started walking towards her bathroom. For the third time in three minutes, she was taken completely by surprise.
The corpse was no longer walking behind her. It was being dragged along the floor by her foot. Divya sighed, looked at her free hands, felt grateful for the little joys and dragged the corpse into the bathroom with herself.

“I told you something like this would happen,” said Tanu when Divya finished telling her about the previous night. They were both lying in Divya's bedroom, just as they had been the previous evening.
“You did,” Divya sighed. “But, it shouldn't have happened. You shouldn't have been right.”
Tanu shrugged and didn't say anything.
Divya looked around her room listlessly. It was filling up with the stench of the decaying corpse. It was a miracle that Tanu could not smell it. It was taking all of Divya's willpower to not cry out in horror and disgust at the smell.
“Okay, so hear me out one last time,” Tanu said. “You've been going for a year now?”
“Year and a half.”
Tanu nodded. “In that much time, would you say that both of you have contributed equally to the relationship?”
Divya thought about it. “I might have done slightly more.”
“Like what?” “Like whenever we would have a fight, it was always me who succumbed. I never thought he was right but I always submitted and said sorry, because he would become all gloomy and throw a tantrum or something. And then there were all those pep talks I gave him. Do you know how many times he's tried to encourage and motivate me? Zero. If I ever told him about my new projects or grades or anything, never once has he said, well done. And what did I do in return?! Give him endless pep talks. You know how he sometimes goes on these long whining rant about how pathetic he is and how bad his grades are and that he's never going to be anything. Well, I've pep talked him so much, any other guy would have become Zuckerberg by now.”
Divya took a deep breath to calm herself but instead inhaled a very large dose of the stench that the corpse had been emanating since the morning. The malodour had grown stronger but his time instead of grossing her out, it filled her with an ineffable sense of conviction. And without even thinking about it, she continued her rant.
“And that's not even the end! He's mean. He's really, really mean. And childish. And like control-freak possessive. I mean, a bit is fine. A bit is good but he was overdoing it. He was always overdoing it. And even in that, he's never constant! One second he would bloody fight with me for talking to someone else, then go on this long, romantic speech about how much he loved and couldn't bear to see me with anyone else and then just the next day he wouldn't speak two words to me nicely. He would be all gruff and insulting and deprecating.” Divya paused. It almost seemed that she was done ranting, when she blurted, “And he's so so insecure. Like you wouldn't believe! The git has a problem if I get good grades, the bastard. He tries to make me feel guilty and shit about caring about studies. And then he whines! God, how he whines! ”
And finally Divya was done.
Tanu let a few moments pass and allowed Divya to catch her breath. Then she asked, “What kind of incentives? For his grades.”
“All kinds.”
“Okay, and what about last time?”
“Last time, he said things he didn't mean,” Divya said automatically. And then stopped. That didn't ring true anymore. She was starting to see a pattern here.
“Really?” Tanu asked incredulously.
“No,” Divya said. “I think he probably meant all of it. And what's more he's probably expecting me to say that I was wrong and that I am sorry.”
“Yeah, he probably does,” Tanu said. “So, what are you going to do about it?”
“What should I do about it?”
“Call him. Be upfront. Be straightforward. Ask him if he wants to breakup.”
Divya looked apprehensively at Tanu.
“Don't look like that at me! Weren't you listening to yourself?”
Of course, she had been, Divya thought. And Tanu was right. She needed to be straightforward and she needed to get this over with. She picked up her phone from her dresser and called her boyfriend up.
It wasn't engaged.
She started to count the rings.
One.
Was she being too rash?
Two.
He could really have been busy, last night, couldn't he?
Three.
He would have probably called, like he had said last night.
Four.
No, he wouldn't have. He never has.
Five.
And he should have cared enough to call back last night.
Six.
Even if it meant waking her up. But, he hadn't.
Seven.
And that was because, he was a jerk.
Eight.
Without a doubt the biggest asshole ever.
Nine. “Hello,” a sleepy voice said from the other end.
“It's me,” Divya said thinking.
“Oh,” the voice said, and then stopped. Divya waited for him to say something more but the pause stretched itself into an awkward and uncomfortable silence.
“I wanted to talk about something,” Divya said gathering up her courage. She was about to end a year-long relationship. She was about to give up a really, really good friend that she cared about very deeply. She was about to admit that she had wasted almost a year and a half of her life on a git.
“And, I'm going to very un-melodramatic about it. Very straightforward. And I'd like you to be the same.”
“Okay,” he said slowly.
“Do you want to breakup?” Divya asked with bated breath.
And it seemed like hours had ticked by before she heard his voice again.
“I guess that would be best.”
For a moment, Divya was completely flabbergasted. That had not at all been what she had been expecting. A small part of her had been hoping that her worthless boyfriend would have redeemed himself. But, no. He was proving himself to be the perfect spineless pig.
“I guess that would be best!?” Divya screamed into the phone. “I guess that would be best??!! Is that all you have to say, you worthless piece of shit! After all the times we've spent together, after everything I've done for you, all you have to say is friggin' “it would be best”. You know, you really are a self-centered, insecure, immature little bastard. I can't believe I've wasted so much time with you! Fuck off, fucker.”
Divya threw the phone on her bed and looked at Tanu who was looking a little worriedly at her sudden outburst. Divya felt enraged. She wanted to rip something up. And then she heard the clangs of the silver chain around her foot. Divya looked down. The silver chain binding her leg to the dead, dying corpse had broken. And as the chains started to disappear, the corpse got up on its feet. It gave her a smile, and for the first the time ever since the corpse had mysteriously appeared a week ago, the corpse spoke.
“Well done, Divya” it said and then disappeared taking away with it the foul stench that had been clogging up Divya's soul.
Divya looked once around her room to make sure that the corpse had really gone. It had. Divya finally felt free. She felt like a huge, backbreaking weight had been lifted off her. She felt happy. She smiled and looked at Tanu. “C'mon! We're going out to celebrate!”
THE END

The Unbelief

A child unmarked, unscathedWith torturous nectar is bathedWashing reason off his mindMarking him forever blind.
Tainted, tinted glasses he puts on,Teaches faithfull hands to seeForever forgetting his unused eyesForever believing their true lies.
O professed Rationalist, be true!Banish unreason from lifeAnd do the hardest thing ever doneThink and unthink all things.

Entrepreneurship

“I want to be an entrepreneur down the line,” he said looking up at the three panelists in front of him.
It was the middle one that went in for the kill.
“How much down the line?” the man sneered. “Will you become an entrepreneur today? Tomorrow? Six months? Ten years?”
And so the snide remarks went on.
The above just recently took place with a friend of mine at an MBA-admissions interview. And do you know why it happened? Because he had done nothing entrepreneurial until then. And why hadn’t he done anything entrepreneurial till then? It’s because he had the same excuse that I do and possibly you do too - the universal excuse, “I don’t have a good enough idea.”
Well, let me tell you a secret. You don’t need one. All you need are a couple of bad ones. So here are all the steps you need to overcome the excuse of “not having ideas”.
STEP 1: Identify the things in your daily life that bug you. Identify the things in your daily life that can be or should be fixed.
STEP 2: Identify why they bug you or why haven’t they been fixed yet.
STEP 3: Come up with as many solutions as you can that won’t work. Carefully write down the reasons why you think a solution won’t work.
STEP 4: Find out if those “reasons” can’t be made to go away one way or another.
STEP 5: At the end of this analysis when you have not found any good way of solving the identified problem, document it properly and file it away for future reference. Now, go back to STEP 1.
STEP 6: If you do hit upon a vague way of solving your identified problem, waste absolutely no time and very quickly “get the numbers.” How much would it cost? How long would it take? After you have all the numbers, does it still seem feasible? If yes, go do it. And if possible fail in the smartest, most original way possible.
Do this and within a few months you should have a dossier full of attempted solutions and failed answers. That not only prepares you for becoming a real entrepreneur but even for those pesky MBA interviewers!
You probably knew all of this. Most of us do. But, I thought we could all do with some reminding anyway. Because “entrepreneurship” isn’t a “career goal”, it is not a prize to be unlocked in this game of life. It’s something much more fundamental than that - it’s a worldview, a way of looking at things, a way of living your life. And the method stated above should help you embrace the entrepreneurial way of life.

The Toxic River

It’s the year twenty-one thirteen,So much pollution has never been.
I talk especially of the ex-holies’River of India – The Ganges.If you are from the past, you cannot imagine,The state of Ganga, which had pure once been.
It has been infected, infested, fouled and spoiled.It has become drab and full of crap.It is no longer crystal clear but has roiled.In its filthy, grimy, sullied lap,The most mephitic pathogens are bornThere is no earthly way to repose, All measures to revivify it are otiose,
Nothing can be done – All is lost.