L. Nahay's Blog, page 2

What Is Strength?

'Strength' card from Legacy of the Divine Tarot, Ciro Marchetti This question pops up quite often in writer groups and forums, with working authors worried about mis-writing a 'strong female' character.

A lot of times, it seems that in order to be strong, a woman must be less feminine. She must have undergone some sort of violent trauma, in which the trauma is meant to be a good thing she should be grateful for, otherwise, she would never have metamorphed into a 'strong' person. She must be some sort of loner, too independant to need relationships. She must be 'strong' in all things. Unyielding, immensely confident, man-hating, mostly bitchy. 

The problem is right there, in the parentheses: "strong female". No one will ever ask how to write a "strong male". Yet the disparity existed while I was growing up. Women were either needing to be saved (or, women were dramas of victimization- victimizations that were typically written calously and factually) or women were pretty body-accessories for the 'strong male'. Enter the female warrior-type in literature, mainly in paranormal, I think. It was new and awesome. There must have been a collective, silent switch of methodolgy going on while I first began what is now RMOS: a woman who fights. I took way longer than everyone else though.

I love the movie House of Flying Daggers. It is visually stunning, surreal, has a wonderful storyline, a perfect female lead, plus a haunting soundtrack. The same actress was in Memoirs of a Geisha, and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. The latter just had a sequel released on Netflix, and a coworker was wondering why she wasn't somehow brought back in. Death be damned. So, I IMDB'd her. According to a quote attributed to her, she hates 'kick-ass women' and has since constantly turned down those roles. Dissappointing, because she portrayed such women with beauty and grace and vulnerability that is otherwise lacking; a little shocking, to hear it put so bluntly, but after some thought, understandable. 

What is strength?   the quality or state of being strong, in particular.a good or beneficial quality or attribute of a person or thing.
In those forums I mentioned, people responded to the question with much the same complaints, the dislike of what has now become cliche. Many plead to just take out the 'female', and write a person. Write a complicated, true-to-life, ever-changing sort of person, be they male or female.

I had this ideal of Lira as a 'strong' woman. A fighter. Trained from birth, she was going to dragon her way through her story. But I had to keep taking those bits out.  It did not fit with her story, her personality, her purpose, or her definition of strength. Tramatic events are a necessity of stories. You can very much be a strong person who was blessed with a peaceful life. But such would not make a book. As such an event is the center of Lira's psyche, I needed to make it realistic. How would such a thing change me, how could it have changed other mothers who are trying to live afterward? It haunts her, it's not a moment anyone can shrug off. It breaks her, it continues to affect her no matter how far she walks. She does have moments of actual fight: when she's backed into a corner, when someone else is threatened, she will roar. Who of us wouldn't? Writing her story helped me redefine what 'strength' is. It became important that she not be her mother, who was the warrior-type, who was also confounded and scared by this very human, seemingly-fragile female offspring of hers.

Also, Lira was never a weak person beforehand. I wanted her to remember bits of her childhood where she's defiant and self-assured, and contrast that with her new definition of herself as being weak. Sometimes, strength is just the ability to get up in the morning and functionally make it through another day. She is a very emotive person, feminine, vulnerable, lonely. She craves relationships both friend and romantic, yet she doesn't know how to achieve either, and that was also important to show. Not all of us were born with innate social graces. She has a sense of humor, speaks her mind, and has a poetic connection to her environment and anything that dwells within it. It turned out that her vulnerabilty, her weaknesses, her gender, her mother-status were all her actual strengths.

Hopefully that keeps RMOS out of the realm of cliche.

Still, doesn't help with What is Strong?

The best definition, I think, is from the above card: having the inner strength in order to gracefully deal with life and its problems in a manner that exhibits hope, courage, and compassion. The woman in the card is not reigning over the beasts with force and aggression, but with calm and grace.

"The touch to soothe the dragon, and the words to tame the unicorn," after all.

Finding Home

I wish I could just sit at home and write. Not only would Ravery's Daughters be complete by now, but so would the other two non-related books be out, plus some short stories. The problem though, has been home more so than my very necessary day job. One key reason the theme of Home is so prevalent in RMOS: I haven't really had one.
Here's a brief timeline: I left Colorado and returned to Chicago in 2010. While struggling to find a job, rather than wallow in guilt, I hunkered down and threw myself into finishing RMOS. I can't complain about that period in time very much. I was staying with family, my kids and I were safe, and RMOS was finally finally getting finished. 
By the end of 2013, RMOS was in print! Just in time, too. I'd finally gotten myself a job that I enjoyed and one that remains, and was able to start house hunting.
2014 was a nightmare. I will NEVER rent again. Learned a whole lot about how Illinois regards its residents, and wanted out.
The beginning of 2015 saw my stuff back in storage, my kids and I back with family, and began my attempts at buying a house. 
Took a year, three realtors, two mortgage companies, and two states (with a countless amount of towns and cities in between) until I found my house in August. It was everything I intended to avoid, style and location wise. The one I saw just before it had everything on my wish list in that regard, was updated, and I knew I should want it, but I didn't. I walked into this un-updated, 195o's-era ranch house, covered in wood paneling and wallpaper and horrible half walls with spindles, and knew immediately that it was home.
Put in the offer, and after sorting through several issues and govenmental crap that came up, finally closed December 30th, three months past the original close date. Oh well, yay me!
We finally officially moved in last week after weekends full of ripping out wood paneling, stripping wallpaper, then some painting. I still don't have one single room that's complete yet. Everything I began painting requires just one more coat of paint. But last weekend, I finally got my computer moved in and the desk put together. Very soon, I'll be able to get back to Book Two. That will be a tremendous relief and celebration, all in itself.  How about some pictures?
Whether you're a reader or a writer, we're all curious as to where things get written. So this is what my 'office' started out as. 
The Naked Lady room.
Yes. French, non-explicit naked girls sitting in ponds, reading on a tree swing. It was funny enough I really almost kept them. It made my youngest pre-teen boy queasy, which made it even funnier.


But I had my laugh and decided that of course they had to go.
And, of course. It wasn't that easy.  My naked lady room did not want to be naked.
There was more wallpaper underneath. Probably just about as old as the house, double layered mostly as it wasn't placed seam to seam, but overlapped. 
Covered in the Naked Lady wallpaper glue that was itself about 40 years old.

Under the wallpaper was some unforeseen water damage that completely halted my plans. Once the flaked paint was removed, I had a hole about a foot high and wide beneath this window.
The plan of course was to have this room painted before I moved everything in, but more time and people were spent in this room than any other. That oldest layer of wallpaper was so old that it just flaked in tiny little pieces when it did decide to come off. I finally rented a steamer which helped tremdously, but the walls are in ​really bad shape.  There's a lot of unplanned patching left, glue that needs to be sanded, then therefore primer, then paint. 
It's really ugly at the moment, but I had to move things in. And the frog is in here with me until I get her set-up put back together, so it's a hodge-podge of dissorganization as my writing room is also my sewing/jewelry/painting/everything else room. But I now have my pretty desk and my beloved computer.
Then there's the fact that this room is intended as temporary, as my real office needs much more work and will wait until this summer!
That's where I've been and that's where I'm at now.  But I'm so in love with this house, as uncomplete as it curently looks! It's the first time I can think of that I looked forward to coming home, that I had a home that was home and sanctuary. I sleep so soundly at night now.
I'll continue to share pictures at it completes, and I'll leave you with something all should appreciate: one of the first all-important things to get unpacked......
​ Would not be home without dragons!

Small Business & Indies First Saturday

I stayed in on Friday. I don't do the whole crazed shopping thing, or crowds, or driving when I know the city's going to turn monstrous. Instead, I did an at-home, internet search for places I could give readings at, and discovered that Saturday- yesterday- was Small/Independent Business Saturday. Indie bookstores had readings and events, and several hosted local authors working as booksellers. Ah! I missed it again! I always find it after it's happened, and had it in my head that for sure it was in May. I don't know why. 

Only I didn't completely miss it!

I'm much like my MC Lira. I don't go out much. There's a whole lot of people (Others) in Chicago, and parking is a phobia. I resent that it turns into a very long, tortuous mission to find a space. Then there's the whole pay thing. Then there's returning home and praying I still have a spot in front of the house. Aside from mountains and clean air, these were plusses to living in Colorado.

​But Saturday was a day to venture out, support some Indies. The bookstore I found was Women and Children First, in Andersonville. This leads into a slew of other things. My father grew up in Andersonville, which is the Swedish neighborhood of Chicago. Lira has issues with her past, I have issues with mine, and the Swedish thing is one of them. My father's doing. I'm making baby steps, knowing it's all his fault and not Sweden's. I started shopping at IKEA last year.  I can go to his old neighborhood and shop. The positive is that Women and Children first is on Clark Street, which was one of my favorite hangouts in high school, though I never went that far north. 

Another caveat of Chicago neighborhoods, Clark has all the funky and weird shops. Lots of antiques, vintage clothing, record stores. Further south is Boys Town, the once 'secret' gay community that is no longer so secret anymore (cudos to them!).

So I hauled the boys and off we went. Women and Children First implies what it says, and is feminist in nature. I really want to give a reading there. I think some of the undercurrents in RMOS would be appealing to them and their reading clubs. I stood in their fantasy section and was dissappointed. It's not their fault. It's not any bookstores' fault. But I couldn't find the sort of story I've been needing to read. A story like mine. No kingdoms, no princessess, no demonic evil, no controlling supernatural boyfriends. I wanted some Sheri S. Teppers, with a woman facing women's issues in a fantasy setting. At least some magical realism. Mmm.

I chatted with author/bookseller for the day Abby Geni, who's having her book launch there in January. It was a really bustling store, and watching the other patrons, I could see that it's someplace they frequent. And not just for that day. I want to give a reading there.  ​I was good, and wandered over to the Swedish Bakery after torturing my children with no purchases in Candyality. All things holy and good, according to their website and grubhub, the candy store delivers!

Around the corner from the bakery, we stopped at First Slice Pie Cafe. It was yum :) 

On the way to the pie place, we passed a Little Free book house. Have you seen these? I meant to take a picture later, but couldn't. They look like eclectic funky big bird houses, but you open the door and there's books, with an honor-induced "Take One, Leave One" rule. I did take one! The Forgotten Garden, by Kate Morton. And at the end of the day, we drove back and left a signed copy of RMOS. I found this picture of it on Edgewater Reads' Facebook page. The Little Free houses are a great idea. It seems that volunteers of the project also take a cart of books onto the 'L' for commuters. That's fantastic!

We wandered for hours. Well, I wandered. The boys have no choice but to follow wherever I go. I made more baby steps and entered into the Swedish Museum and purchased some non-alcoholic Glogg to make for Christmas. Baby steps.

Then I went home and wrote some baby steps into Book Two for Lira. We're overcoming our lineage issues together.

It was a really good day, though. Think I'll return- by myself probably- and wander more.

Thank you to all the little shops I passed through. I forget that you still exist and that I don't have to purchase from the same big-chain stores all the time.  They can't provide the people that I met, the things I bought, or the pie and Little House :) And it was great to know that I can do what I once loved doing here in Chicago, and wander some great little neighborhoods. It's really time to get out more.

Refugee Crisis

"I am the product of my region's civil war. My creation was born of hatred, violence, torture, and menace. My mother sacrificed her self and her life so that I may live apart from her fate and the fate of the women here. Now I preside over the refuge she placed me in. I, and the other girls and women I live with, are the few lucky ones. Less and less often, women and girls come to my doors, begging to be let in. But I can only accept those who have not yet been victimized. They are too late to save, have been too long in that violence, and must fend for themselves elswhere. I must keep my walls safe from all threats."
                                                                                                                        -Nykka, 'Red Moonglow on Snow' 

This was a hard one to bring into MTB. If Facebook proves anything, it shows how 50/50% people are are any sort of debate. There is rarely any middle road. Opposition and the drive to help are both felt and reasoned through passionately. But if I stay silent, what good am I? My intent is not to provoke argument, only thought.

Yes, I'm someone who thinks we should help. This does not equate with immediately bringing over thousands of people desperate for asylum. But we should learn from the last holocaust and step in quicker. Genocides keep occuring and we say, 'Aww, that's just so horrible!' and switch the channel. It's an ocean away. We are completely safe if we keep it distanced. Like grief. We treat grief sometimes as a contagious disease. People grieve too long around us with no 'getting over it' signs, we risk facing such an event ourselves. Same with catastrophies. Why can't these people fight for themselves?.............

Could we? Would we? My mother, my sisters, myself, my sons? My friends and neighbors, all normal, everyday civilians? Would be be able to pick up assault rifles and turn ourselves into soldiers? It's an illogical sort of demand.

It was really, really upsetting me. Then I realized maybe why.

I wrote it. I wrote a refugee crisis into RMOS' past, so in my brain somewhere, I've experienced a hundred different scenarios and outcomes that didn't all make it into the story. My main character's mother is an illegal immigrant living in Chicago for santuary. And then I have Nykka, an antagonist in RMOS whom Lira encounters while fleeing from their shared enemy. Nykka does not respond well. If I could interview her, the above is the statement she'd give. Refugees like her mother represent a fear built into her DNA from birth. Don't worry, Nykka will appear again in a later book. And her decision will be revisited as well.

I was at the Chicago Book Expo held at Columbia College in Chicago yesterday, and met an author (Greg Archer) with a small printout on his table about 'Epigenetics', which in short is the theory that traumatic events do in fact trickle down through the generations. Familiar? I thought I'd made it up for Ravery's Daughters, but there's a whole science to it. Here is the full article of what he quoted, and here's another I found about it. Greg's book is Grace Revealed, a memoir about his Polish family's ordeal during WWII.

What will our refusal to assist affect 5, 10, 20 years down? I don't think it'll alter the world or people's perception of us for the better. But it will most definitely alter it. Likewise, RMOS takes place several generations past Home's refugee crisis. This is at the heart of the country's story: how each region regarded Lira's mother, Elaar- a product of the war and a desperate child refugee- and how that has affected Lira, and how it will also affect Lira's kidnapped daughter Talyn.

I think the word 'crisis' is a misnomer. This is a catastrophe, a state of emergency that requires world-wide assistance. I wish we had dragons on our side, but it's really just us. And remember, the events in RMOS changed the makeup of unicorns in addition to the people. Butterflies are powerful, unalterable currents.

Targets

In publishing, we as authors are told quite vehemently to KNOW YOUR TARGET AUDIENCE. What this means is we can't just claim our books are suitable for all ages and all people.  There's a reason for the Young Adult and New Adult genres, too. We do not want our children picking up 50 Shades just as adults don't normally pick up See Spot Run to read on a lengthy commute. (Please note, that just because RMOS is fantasy, does not mean it's for children! It's not!)

RMOS is very woman oriented. I also intended it to be highly emotive and introspective in Lira's point of view, and to display the things that affect us as women the most: absolute love, loss of that love and of a child and of sense of self, misogny, sexual threat, and the paths we do and don't take toward re-learning to live after these events. It's a pet peeve of mine to pick a book that sounds wonderfully gritty, only for the author to gloss over those events they're writing about, and the book becomes a flat 'this, then' narrative. Make me cry, make me angry, make me explode in love and happiness for the characters, make me rethink my processes, make me second-guess something. I'm a reader, too. Make me a target.

My target audience is women. However, about half of my purchasers have been men. And this makes me nervous! I can't say, Um, I didn't target you! I'm guessing that topics such as what appears in RMOS might make men uncomfortable. Maybe? I was told by a male friend-fellow writer that the story is depressing and the difference between how women and men write is becoming apparent. I'm not sure how to respond to that, except to think maybe my non-targets should read my stories: to gain compassion and understanding. I trully hope I make you cry, that I make you so mad about things you won't experience or maybe do have a fear of experiencing (kidnapping of a child, sexual attack of a female Other), that your rage brings about something positive and real. Women are targets way too often- even in publishing- and that's not an easy concept to grasp. I'm not graphic in my writing, but stuff is there. And these 'stuffs' are not something men have in their mental makeup. How envious I am of that.
​
Good men know these 'stuffs', they worry over the mothers, sisters, women, and daughters in their lives, they protect and serve and prosecute and treat, but maybe they don't understand the psyche of it all. That men just like them- with mothers and sisters and women and daughters- can just as easily turn against us. Can start a gender civil war. How did this war happen?, my fellow male-writer friend asked me. Very easily, is the answer.

Most men don't feel it, how could you? Bringing these topics up is never meant to paint all men wrong, just detail those men who make life worse for all of us, and to show exactly how it affects the women who were turned into targets. The world needs good men (and women) to be louder.

Maybe male readers should be included in my target audience. Maybe I did write this for you.

Elaar, Daughter of Dragons

There are certain tropes somewhat expected in fantasy: good vs. evil, one solitary person tasked with saving the world, that one person blessed with superior powers or descended from royalty.

I don't follow these tropes.

At one event, a reader picked up on the phrase "Daughter of Elaar", and asked what it meant. Who is Elaar and why is she so special?

They wanted an answer that I struggled to give. First, I don't like giving away the details: that's where the story and the fantasy live! And second, I question this trope: special. Yes yes yes, she's raised by Dragons, but I could very easily have had her raised by a normal person living in The Trees. 
                            ...normal person. That's funny! I write fantasy, after all! I don't do normal!.....

Elaar will have her own book, and you will love her story. I guarantee it. So I'm going to be vague and refer only to what you've read in RMOS: she's being hunted. From the time she's born. One half of the country wants her dead. Why is she so special? Why does the second half of the world fight to save her and to keep her safe?

Simple answer: why not? Why should any being be required to possess the distinction of being 'special' in order for anyone to care about them or protect their life? In our reality, if someone wants to seriously harm someone and we come to know this intent, would we stop and ask, 'Wait, are they special at all? Is their family rich? Will she be the next president or he a leading neurosurgeon? Are they going to save the world, bring about world peace? What's their IQ? Any amazing talents or hobbies?'

Elaar has no magic. Her purpose is not to save the world. She was a child born into horrible events and beliefs, yet there exists Others who believe that life holds value and should be granted quality and respect and......life.   


​

Cosmic Laugh

My muse is having fun with me again.
"What?" she asks, her tone both and neither incredulous nor innocent. "You want to write? People wondering about the rest of the story? Ok.  You can write. But first make these creations I'll show you. Then we'll chat about the writing."
These 'creations' would be so much easier if I had access to my supplies. I'm taking it as a true lesson in creativity, especially as they're in brand new media. 
Be kind to your muse and do as she tells you. There's a lesson in it somewhere. 

Refuge

I'm working on some new giveaways, and Elaar's prayer came wafting through my head. I am not the sort of person who can quote things verbatum. Anything, even if I wrote it. I typically hold onto the emotion, not the source. At the Indie City Book Fair a couple weeks ago, one of the authors/poets read by memory, and it was trully amazing. Not something I could see me doing. 
So I was surprised that I was able to repeat 'Take Me Home'. Even if it was all in my head.
And the emotion of the words got to me. It made me think of the refugee situation in Germany and Hungary. Have you seen the footage or read the article about the female Hungarian journalist fired for her treatment of the refugees while she was filming? These people are frightened and stressed, running through this field trying to avoid being taken into custody by the police. How horrible is it that the worst that can happen to you is to be sent back home? And in this madness, people are standing in your way taking pictures of you? Worse, as in the case of this woman, is when you are outright attacked. The first clip was of her intentionally tripping a man who was carrying a maybe 7 year old boy. And in another clip, she charged toward and kicked first a girl and then another person coming towards her. She was the one that didn't belong.

Every continent has an immigration 'problem'. But vehemence towards people already victimized by events we cannot imagine is unexcusable. 
I look at my own children and wonder what our world would need to come to for me to stop fighting for myself and beg, 'If not me, take my child', and know I'll never see either of them again.

Sensory Therapy

My sister has been putting together different 'sensory' bins for her 3 year old, and it's cool beans! I mean that literally, too! I wish such things had been a thing when my kids were small.  The first one is dried beans she died with food color and scented with some of my lavendar oil. The second is non-toxic water beads, used mostly for flowers. It's a great concept, which is simply sensory. Touch and manipulation, sensation, sound, color. Think of letting sand run through your fingers. My sister and I admitted to each other that we prefer the water beads. They're squishy and cool and slightly wet. Every time I walk by the bowl, I have to play. It is somewhat therapeutic, and not just for kids.
However, then I played with my new toys, and discovered my own sensory therapy that you, RMOS readers, will also benefit from. Concept is also simple: use a couple funky hammers and bang the crap out of some metal until you end up with something pretty.
Seriously, though. It worked great! Was a wonderful, stressless weekend. Even though child #2 lost a bag of live crickets in the house. (Oh. Thats' not good. But I'm going to go hammer away at some metal.)  "For A Moment I Believe" "GLOW" I'll be selling a limited quantity of these at the upcoming Indie City Author Fair in Chicago alongside RMOS. They were really fun to work on, and this is the kind of thing I do when not writing. I play. 
"For A (brief) Moment I Believe...." is the start of Red Moonglow on Snow. So much is wrong in Lira's world, but every so often, she just keeps her eyes closed and tries to believe it's right again. Each brief moment becomes longer, and she doesn't completely realize when her life is no longer lived by brief, distant moments. Believe there is good in the world, that there is good coming to you. Live the Law of Attraction.
The second, "GLOW", is my art nouveau-style cover art. The red moon and the falling snow were good, magical things for her. Lightness and brightness and beauty. The world she hated was repainted through the love of another person's eyes (Mr. Him), and she saw wonder and possibilities as He did. 
Working on some other ideas. I'll post pictures as I finish!

Hello!

Lots of events coming up! I'm scrambling to design some new RMOS swag to sell alongside the book. Have some great necklaces done, and hope to finish through with the rest by Sunday for the Indie City Book Fair in Chicago. I'm looking forward to it! I'll also be reading. Aloud. Think I know the perfect place to start at. 

In the meantime, while I'm avoiding Excel for mucking up my bracelot template, look at this amazing pin I found the other day. As yet, I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it. I don't wear pins. But it's gorgeous!