Krys Fenner's Blog, page 9

Eating Disorders – Review of “Wintergirls”

I had a hard time with this book. Unfortunately, I can’t quite explain why. A couple of days ago, I finished Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson. Originally I picked the book up because I love the author. I remember reading Speak and how much I loved it. I assumed this book would have the same effect, but that isn’t the case. Instead, it reminded me while we may like one book by a certain author, we may not care for another. I thought after a couple of days I might have come up with some kind of reason why this book was so difficult for me. Still I have nothing.

Wintergirls is about two girls with an eating disorder. The story is told from Lia’s point of view after her friend Cassie dies. The one thing I loved about this book is that Cassie’s death (over half way through) is described. I know this seems odd, but with this type of mental disorder it is hard to really understand all possible outcomes. Being someone who is overweight and has been most of their life, I can understand how someone can eat themselves to death. I can even see how someone can starve themselves to death. But these aren’t the only type of eating disorders.

Growing up I recall hearing about two eating disorders – Anorexia and Bulimia. Wintergirls deals with both. Lia is anorexic and Cassie, the one who died, is bulimic. The bulimia kills her because she throws up too much. Her esophagus ruptures and causes her to asphyxiate on her own blood. She dies alone in a painful and horrible manner. The worst part is – it was by her own hand.

The death isn’t the reason I had such a hard time reading this book. While I could relate, I couldn’t relate on the level of the story. I, myself, had body issues when I was younger and sometimes still do, but not to the point of an eating disorder. But I don’t think this is what took me so long to get through the book. It was a well told story. It was a disturbing story with a good ending.

What bothered me and took me so long to read Wintergirls was how far down the hole a person could get. It reminded me of my own hole. What made the story work – hope that we can all get out of our hole, no matter how far down we are.

I Forgive You

Tuesday night, I attended a critique group for Christian writing. The last piece shared was about forgiveness. The author had written a letter to her uncle that will be published in Chicken Soup for the Soul. In the letter she addressed how her life had been impacted by the molestation she suffered at her uncle’s hands. In the end, she wrote how she forgave him.

The fact is 1 in 4 girls is molested each year. The author of this letter shared this piece of information with us. Sadly, this is a horrifying number to consider. What makes this fact worse is knowing how inaccurate it might be. I say this because statistics for terrible actions like molestation are determined based on what IS REPORTED. This doesn’t take into account what goes UNREPORTED. That simple tidbit of information concerns me. If 1 in 4 doesn’t include what is unreported, then what can we expect the real numbers to look like? What does this mean for our country?

I’m not here to discuss statistics. I found this letter quite inspiring and I wanted to share some of its content with you.

She spoke of how she hadn’t recalled any of the molestation until the birth of her first child. It is not uncommon for a child to push memories of such horrific acts out of their mind. It’s a survival instinct. We deal with what we can face. Colleen Hoover does a great job of referencing this same type of ordeal in her book, Hopeless. This particular description touched me personally because I remember very little of my childhood until I turned eleven. That was the year my parents divorced and we moved to Jacksonville. I cannot say I was ever molested, just that I do not remember my childhood the same as this author. I simply understood.

She continued on into how this unnatural act impacted her self-worth, self-confidence and her relationships with men. Like a lot of women, she struggled with believing she was beautiful and loved (the right way). She even questioned if she deserved to be loved. God helped her with this and one day she looked in the rearview mirror of her car. She had on no makeup and hadn’t bothered to fix her hair. Through an ocean of tears, she was finally able to say, “I’m beautiful.” Again, I understood.

Forgiving a person for some trespass they have committed against you is hard enough; it’s ten times worse when it’s someone you know and trust. But it is necessary. In one of my favorite movies, Diary of a Mad Black Woman the mother of the main character makes a very valid point about forgiveness. (Thank you Tyler Perry). “… you’ve got to forgive him. No matter what he done, you’ve got to forgive him – not for him, but for you.” I’m sure this doesn’t make sense, but let me quote one more line and I promise it will. “When somebody hurts you they take power over you, if you don’t forgive them then they keeps the power.” Forgiveness is necessary. Forgiveness is freeing. We carry the weight of that trespass until we forgive the person who committed it.

Maybe you’re wondering why I shared this story. So, here’s why. I want people to know forgiveness is possible. No matter how bad someone wronged you, you still have the power to forgive them. And it doesn’t matter how long it takes, you still have the power to forgive them. If someone has hurt you in some way, whether it was yesterday, last week, last year or ten years ago or more; now is the time. Forgive them. Forgive the wrong and feel the weight lift from your shoulders. If you can’t do it alone, then let me know and I’ll happily help you through it.

How do we prevent suicide?

I just read an article directed at preventing suicide in Malaysia, but the truth is we need to prevent suicide everywhere. If you would like to read the article, check my Tragic Facts page.

For me suicide is a big deal. Over the past year we have lost several wonderful actors to this tragic ordeal, but this isn’t why I talk so much about suicide. I’m a survivor. I attempted suicide when I was about nineteen years old. It took a long time for me to come to peace with my actions. And just like a knock on the bathroom door saved my life, I will help in any way I can to save someone else.

The article referenced a variety of risk factors:

“Some of the key risk factors which contribute to suicidal ideation and attempts are mental illnesses, substance abuse, chronic illness, severe social isolation, traumatic relationship conflict and loss. A simple way of looking at it is to think of suicide as a last-resort coping mechanism when someone is overwhelmed with a variety of burdens and stresses that he or she is no longer capable of bearing alone.”

I wanted to share this specific part of the article because this addresses the issue of suicide. There are a number of problems a person can experience that leads to suicide, but the conflicts are only half the story. The other part belongs to the word alone. It’s dealing with the issues alone that forces a person to resort to an end they believe is the only way out. This is where people come in. This is where you come in.

Can you think of a way to help someone considering suicide?

Bullying and Suicide: A Review of Tormented

Earlier this week I joined a group on LinkedIn of authors that write what is considered edgy for Young Adult Fiction. One of the authors posted about their book Tormented. It is currently free on Amazon for Kindle users. As this novel talks about some of the same things I do in my own books, Destroyed and Punished, I thought it would be a good idea to take a look.

First, I loved the story. It was written from a multitude of viewpoints and also switched from present to past. The novel opens with an officer heading to a house where a teenage suicide has been committed. Initially I was skeptical, mostly because I’ve read stories where the aftermath of the suicide is well presented. Nothing of what leads to that particular event is discussed (an exception in my opinion is Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher). In this novel, the author did both. The posted dates allowed me to easily follow along and figure out where exactly I was in the story (past or present). The events were well-told. This book beautifully encompassed all the horrors that come with rape, loneliness, loss of sense of self, bullying, and suicide.

What I liked most was the reality of the consequences. If you have never attempted to take your own life, to me it seems you can’t begin to comprehend what could lead a person to such a decision. This doesn’t mean I’m right. In this story, there is a person like that who exists. In fact, she is the cause of everything. In the end of the novel, the licensed social worker she has been court ordered to see diagnoses Quinn (basically the antagonist) as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder. She is the one who tortured Kelly (the protagonist) and ultimately forced her to commit suicide. Quinn later murders Liz, the girl who helped her bully and torment Kelly. With the lives Quinn has taken, she is arrested and will live her life in jail.

Unfortunately, it isn’t always so simple. Bullying is only one of the causes of suicide. With so many other causes out there that we may not be able to prevent, we should focus on the ones in our control. Stop bullying. If someone does bully you, tell a parent, a teacher, a counselor or someone you trust. This book draws great attention to something we can all stand against.

Robin Williams and Me: The Killer Among Us.

Originally posted on Big Red Carpet Nursing:

Why Robin Williams?

I’m not a fan of celebrity worship, nor do I feel especially comfortable perhaps taking advantage of human suffering and loss by writing about a total stranger’s suicide.  That said, Robin’s suicide disturbs me. It touches a sore nerve, it hurts. He seemed a safe, reliable positive out there in the world, a source of joy and humor and, well, life. He was fine as far as I knew, just fine, then BAM!: dead. It’s shocking, saddening, makes the world seem less safe, less reliable.

Why me?

Clearly there is no “Robin Williams and me”, no relationship beyond talented performer and fan. I use the phrase in another sense. Why does his death hit me harder than most? What does it mean?

Events’ meaning partially come from our reactions to them, our responses. Like so many, I have thought over Robin’s many fine performances, the incredible eruption…

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Fight Against Invisible Ilnesses

I shared this on my personal page earlier and as the day went on, I wondered how many people I know and those I don’t know who have one of these invisible illnesses? Now, a lot of the invisible illnesses aren’t listed in this picture, but the point is clear.

It used to be if you had some kind of mental disease, you were considered a freak. Unfortunately, I don’t think this thought process has changed much over the years. Despite all the new information available, we as a society are still quick to judge. We judge on history, our own beliefs and what we think we know.

I wanted to share this image again, not only because I know someone with one of those invisible illnesses, but because I myself have one. I don’t share this information easily. The thing with all of these illnesses is they all share something in common, besides being unseen by the naked eye. They all have the same requirements for fighting back.

1. Surround yourself with positive people. Negativity from others will only help bring you down.

2. Let those positive people help lift you up. They may not have all the answers, but their spirit can give you guidance when you least expect it.

3. Allow their positivity to consume you. It’ll give you the will necessary to fight back.

It took a long time for me to understand these simple rules. Unfortunately, sometimes we don’t have the positive people we need around us. The key then is to cut the negative people loose. This is something I still struggle with, but today I made a decision to let the negativity go. It isn’t the first time in my life and I suspect it may not be the last, but I have enough people with faith in me and enough faith in myself and my God that I am doing the right thing.

Before I pulled this photo, I checked out some of the comments made. A lot of them said the same thing, but there were a few that stuck out. One of them read, “It’s amazing how people have no empathy, but expect you to.” This made a lot of sense to me because people want you to understand and be like them, but refuse to do the same. In the literary world, we call that being hypocritical. It’s the old adage – Do what I say, not what I do. I refuse to be like that. I can show empathy and understanding, but I should have it in return. Our world would be a lot nicer if we all did this.

I’d like for you to share this, but what I’d like more is to know you’ll take a stand and fight against these invisible illnesses. Give someone the benefit of the doubt. After all, I can’t see God, but it doesn’t stop me from believing he exists.

Do you know someone with an invisible illness who needs your positive support? If so, show them you can be someone they can lean on.

Book Themes

I attend University of Tennessee as an English Major working on my Bachelor’s degree. Currently I’m taking a class on Shakespeare. One of the things we discuss everyday are themes of each, in this case, play. The fact is themes are a big part of stories whether it’s a novel, a short story, poem, play or anything else. It got me thinking about the themes in my own work, especially as Destroyed releases in about 6 weeks.

One of the major themes I keep coming back to in Destroyed is friendship. Though I suppose I should relate this more to relationships in general. Either way my point remains the same. In our lives, we typically come across two types of people. Those who pass through and those who stay in our lives. We can come across the ones who stay at any time in our life – childhood, preteen, teen, and even adulthood. Now, I’m the type of person who doesn’t make friends easily. I question motives and I judge before I truly open up. There are some people that when you meet, you just know.

Take for example, my best friend Leigh. She and I met in 2004 when we started at Heritage School for Massage Therapy together. We hadn’t known each other before then, but we hit it off and we’ve been friends since. We now live hundreds of miles apart, but we still talk and try to hang out when I’m down her way. Her daughter is the closest thing I have to a niece. My sister has friends like this as well.

Then you have those people who pass through. I’ve known several people like this. We were friends at one time, but for one reason or another, we no longer talk. I’ve learned with these type of people, you simply have to learn to read the signs.

Let me jump back to my friend Leigh. We’ve known each other for 10 years now and one of the things I love about her is that she has stuck by me no matter what. She has been a shoulder to cry on, she has forced me to stick out the consequences (if you’re reading this, you know what I’m talking about), and she has stood by my side no matter how stupid the decision. Then you have those who pass through. I think of these people as those who take advantage, put you down, and generally don’t know how to be honest or open about anything.

While writing Destroyed, this was a big to do for me. Initially I started the book where the main character (Bella) didn’t really have any friends, but it felt wrong. My theory is everybody has at least one person they call friend. So I created a character roughly based on someone I know as Bella’s best friend. To me, this character is a combination of things: direct, supportive, and funny, but serious when necessary. Like any good friend, she sees things Bella tries to hide and she tries to help, even when it isn’t asked.

As the story goes on, relationships change because it happens in real life. Sometimes for the better, even when it seems for the worse. It hadn’t really occurred to me how major this theme was until about a week ago. Things in my own life changed and got my brain churning over all the work I’d done on the book over the past 5 weeks. Needless to say, I know Destroyed will have a huge impact on how Punished (Book Two) will be perceived.

Covers for “Destroyed” and “Punished” Revealed

I love opening up an unexpected e-mail with good news! It’s like getting a present just because. Yesterday, my publisher told me the cover for Punished would be available next week. Then today, I got an e-mail with the cover. I was so excited by how perfect it was that I decided I couldn’t contain my joy. I had to share this news! Alas, here they are – the covers for Destroyed coming out October 17th, less than 7 weeks away, and Punished coming out December 5th.

                           

Cover for “Destroyed” is revealed!

Today was a wonderful and glorious day! Last week I sent an e-mail to my publisher and I asked her about the cover for Destroyed. She’s still waiting on it. I figured by now they would have something, especially since what they gave me before was … I’ll be nice, it was crap. I have to say I was amused when my publisher agreed with my initial assessment on the last cover presented. Back to today. I was getting ready for my photo shoot (got to have pictures of the author for the book) and I decided to check my e-mail. Inside there was an e-mail from my publisher with the new and improved cover. I loved it! I felt like they finally got it right. So, here and now I reveal the cover for Destroyed. Keep an eye out for the cover of Punished. It will be revealed soon.

 

Cover for Destroyed

Nothing Selfish About Suicide

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-hurley/theres-nothing-selfish-about-suicide_b_5672519.html

I was scrolling through my Face Book page and I came across the above article. It talks about how there is nothing selfish about suicide and I agree.

I am a survivor of suicide.

When I was about 18 or 19, I attempted to take my own life. I had extremely low self-esteem. I was promiscuous to the point where I can’t recall half the names of the men I’ve slept with. I hated myself. I was depressed, but I didn’t know it. And the only way out was suicide. Now, two things saved my life that night. 1 – I didn’t really know what I was doing and 2 – a well timed knock on the bathroom door by my roommate.

I never told anyone about what happened. I kept it to myself and buried it along with my emotions. I didn’t get any help until a few years later. I was living in Ohio at the time. The school I attended offered their students 10 free counseling sessions. I decided to take advantage of this after my doctor officially diagnosed me with depression. After a couple months and some encouragement, I moved back home to Florida.

I went off my anti-depressants for several years, but everything seemed okay. I had good friends and my family and they helped with a problem they didn’t know existed. Then in 2012 things got rough. My mom got sick and I was 500 miles away. My boyfriend (at the time) and I had problems because we were also 500 miles away. In October 2012 we split up for good. I dealt with the holidays because I went to Florida to visit my family. In January when I was alone, things got worse, but I knew what would happen if I didn’t get help. I had already tried once. If I let things go, I likely would’ve tried again. Instead, I got help. I went back on anti-depressants and I went into counseling. I told people I trusted. I told my mom after about a month. For the first time, I talked to people about what was going on with me. And I got better.

My point to all of this is when I thought about suicide, I saw it as a way out. I stopped thinking about my family. I thought they would be better of without me. I believed my life wasn’t worth saving.

We think suicide is selfish because the person decided not to deal with the world or face their problems. It isn’t always that easy. There’s a saying: “The worst thing in life isn’t being alone, it’s being with someone who still makes you feel alone.” People who attempt or commit suicide feel alone no matter how many people they are surrounded by.

According to the article 30,000 people every year commit suicide and 750,000 attempt suicide. This is in the United States alone. I hope we all begin to understand these numbers need to be reduced. We all need help sometimes and it’s time we do something about it.