Michal Stawicki's Blog, page 3

Book Review: The Happy Minimalist

 

I really liked this small book. It has the best qualities of a self-published book – personal stories and relatable experiences, plus no beating around the bush or beating the dead horse. I read the whole book in about an hour and can move forward with my life.

However, it wasn’t perfect, so – as usual – I will start with some

CONS1. Editing.

I found a few typos in the book, and English is not even my first language. Also, I can sense one type of editing (developmental? line-editing? I always confuse them) is done poorly or completely missing – the one, which removes redundancies and excessive language ornamentals. I mean, how many times can you read about how many shirts Marc has and how many he got rid of?

The answer, when it comes to “The Happy Minimalist” is “too many.” :/

2. Not so Much of How to.

If you expect a step-by-step, ready-to-use brilliant minimalism framework, you will not find it in this book. There are some basic elements there. However, The Happy Minimalist is more about the mindset and motivation, than techniques.

If you ask me, this is also an advantage of this book. “What” and “how” you can easily find on the internet. Motivation is much harder to obtain.

This is not the usual minimalism book. They are dime a dozen. Marc motivates you to discover your ‘why’ for minimalism cause, which will make all the ‘what’ and ‘how’ an afterthought.

3. A Lot of Habits.

Reklau recommends developing quite a few small habits to have a happier and less cluttered life. But does it fit the philosophy of minimalism?

I don’t know, and I don’t care. I’m not a minimalist.

4. I Was Not Converted.

If motivation is the main benefit of The Happy Minimalist, then I didn’t get enough of it. I’m not going to fit my belongings into 1.5 suitcases.

But.

I’m married with three kids. You have no clue (or, if you have kids, you know it very well) how much stuff kids need. You have no clue how much stuff wife needs.

And I like my clutter. I have a few hundred books in my tiny home office. Most of them, I read just once. But I like to have them.

I have a drawer full of papers from my high school (I graduated over 23 years ago!). I clung to those papers through nine or ten moves, some of them between cities. I looked into them maybe ten times in those 23 years. But I like to have them.

Having said that, I agree with Marc that clutter steals my time and focus. I declare I’ll clean the mess in my home office and keep it in order. So, I guess the motivation angle didn’t completely fail.

Let’s go to the multiple and great PROS of The Happy Minimalist:

PROS1. Written from Experience.

This is not another theoretical treatise about minimalism and its benefits. I’ve been following closely Marc Reklau for the last few years. This guy is minimalism incarnated.

He can store all his material possessions in 1.5 suitcases and move to another country. In fact, he actually has done this three times in the last few years.

This book is written by a true subject expert and practitioner. As annoying as repetitive details about his minimalism disciplines are, they are also totally authentic.

What is more, Marc also instances plenty of stories of his readers and coaching clients, so it is not just his experience. If applied minimalism brought wonderful benefits also to them, it is no longer just a fluke. Minimalism, the way the author preaches it, is not just his way of life – it is something every person can benefit from, big time.

2. Good Read.

Marc uses a simple language, no ornamental wording. The chapters are short and to the point.

It all makes the book extremely digestible. Even if you are in a hurry, you can read a chapter waiting in a queue, commuting or being stuck in traffic.

Plus, the author has some gift of words, which is another PRO in its own right.

3. Great Habits.

In The Happy Minimalist, Marc recommends plenty of different small, daily habits. Which is right down my alley. I’m a champion of good habits.

Sometimes, it’s hard to connect the dots between some of those habits and minimalism – a lot of them belong to the realm of mind.

But frankly, I don’t care. They are great habits nonetheless and I prescribe them to my readers, followers, friends… well, actually to everyone. Thus, I loved this aspect of the book.

Additional advantage: exactly like with the whole minimalism philosophy, the author is actually a practitioner of those habits. And it is four times better to learn habits from a practitioner (Coach.me‘s data collected among millions of users).

4. Wonderful Wisdom.

Among tips and advice about getting rid of the physical and mental clutter, Reklau smuggled some impactful bits of wisdom between the lines.

Self-punishment is strictly forbidden.”

The above line refers to your eventual failures with decluttering, but it is excellent life advice. Self-punishment might have been good only for narcissists… but they are the last on earth to apply it. For everybody else, it is strictly forbidden. Beating yourself will get you nowhere, make you feel miserable, and hurt the only person in the universe that can actually fix your problems – you!

Similarly, Marc’s shopping habits and financial advice are incredibly smart. To the degree that it is, in fact, wise. Go to the mall to shop for the ideas of new purchases, not for shopping. And examine those ideas on your way back. Mind blowing! Simple. Quick. Effective. Money-saving. Sparing you the clutter in your life.

But the concept which was the most impactful for me was saving time. Well, technically, you cannot save time. It flows. You cannot store it for later. But you can spend it on activities you value and appreciate. Minimalism is a way that allows you to do just that. The less time you spend managing your physical and mental clutter, the more time you have for the things you enjoy or which align with your life values.

This is priceless. You can always make more money, but you can never make time or bring back the lost time. Thus, implementing minimalism in your life can truly make you happier.

5. Amazing One-Liners.

I mentioned Reklau’s gift for words. Here you have a sample:

Discard first, store later.

Clutter is caused by failure to return things where they belong.

When something new comes in, something old goes out.

Clutter builds up slowly mostly without you even noticing it so purge regularly.

Unfinished business weighs you down.

Summary

If you want to downsize your life, learn from an expert who has been there and done that. That’s Marc Reklau, a guy who can put all his material possessions in 1.5 suitcases.

Good read, solid advice provided in a very digestible form. A truly minimalistic book about minimalism. Recommended!

PS. I’ve just cleaned the stack of papers on my desk in my home office. Hmm, I guess that makes CON #4 invalid?

Book Review: Listen Simply

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I’ll start this review from a story from my coaching training. One fellow was repeatedly frustrated by the simplicity of the whole coaching process. He said multiple times: “If people just kept talking with each other, this whole ‘coaching thing’ would have been unnecessary!”

He was almost right. If people kept talking with each other – and listened simply – coaches would have become unemployed. Just keeping the communication lines open is not enough. True listening must happen as well.

Most people have never truly been heard.”

I would add: in this time and age. I’m old enough to remember the world without the Internet and smartphones. Then, we had the time, and willingness, to just be with each other and talk. Listen, discuss, ponder, reflect.

And what’s the point of talking, if you aren’t heard?! Then, it’s just a useless effort.

In this time and age, above-mentioned skills are almost forgotten. Bombarded by a zillion impulses from multiple sources, we are constantly distracted and in a hurry.

Most people don’t know how to listen to themselves.”

If we cannot even hear ourselves, how can we hear others?!
The author of Listen Simply, Jacob Coldwell, is absolutely right:

The ability to communicate has been intensely promoted, but the practice of communication has been lost, or — better said — ignored.

“Listen Simply” is one of the most profound books I’ve ever read. It’s a true masterpiece. However, my nitpicking self found a single tiny CON even in this awesome book.

Practice

The author said:

Listening isn’t a practice… unlike the skills above associated with these examples.”

Yes, that’s true. But with practice, your listening can get better because that’s the human nature. Unless your biochemistry is somehow totally screwed, practice will make you better at whatever you practice. This is pure biology – neural paths and myelin in your brain.

At one passage, Jacob mentions other common practices of being a human: running, learning, speaking… Running isn’t a practice as well, but you are getting better at it with practice.

Now, it’s time for the awesome

PROS1. Language!

Jacob is a great writer. This is a nonfiction book, which is not a parable. However, sometimes it reads almost like poetry. The best word to describe his writing style is “profound.”

His style reminds me a lot the style of Jim Rohn: simple and profound. You cannot help but pause and think.

Just a few samples which penetrated my awareness deeply:

People communicate to be heard so that they can be known.”

Expectations increase the greater we know each other.”

You can’t both win and listen.”

The nature of the mind is to chatter and wander.”

Resemblance to Jim Rohn is even more striking when I think of the Wisdom part of Jim’s “Cultivating the Unshakable Character.” Rohn spent a good fifteen minutes talking about wisdom, but never providing its definition. In similar fashion, Jacob provides a lot of descriptions for simple listening, but in the end, he never definitely says what it is or how to do it. He alludes and teaches, but he doesn’t force anything on the reader.

Listening simply is so simple that it is either obvious, or you won’t get it, no matter how many definitions you will read. And in my humble opinion, Jacob writes in a way, you will get it. That’s an amazing writing skill.

By the way, I have 90 highlights from this short book.

2. Subtraction.

The author goes at great lengths to explain all the communication fallacies we experience. This sentence summarizes it best:

All listening failures fall beneath the umbrella of impatience, which leads to annoyance, and so down it goes.”

I agree 100% with Jacob: to listen simply, you need to subtract everything but listening. Leave everything else, let go of it, and you are in front of the other person and listen. Let go of your ego, of your wit, of all the distractions, of your hopes and expectations, of thinking of you and how you are perceived… and you are then listening simply.

I guess, more than half of “Listen Simply” talks about what listening is NOT, and what you need to let go to be able to truly listen.

3. Simple Listening.

Trying to describe what Simple Listening is, reminds me of trying to explain the nature of God – you can talk for hours about His different qualities, but still not give the full picture.

I highlighted multiple passages in Listen Simply, which explain different qualities and each time the description varies slightly. Yet, thanks to them all, you can picture what it is… kind of.

Simple listening by practicality is a giving. It’s “paying attention” and a “surrender of time” for the benefit of the speaker.”

Simple listening happens when we focus on the speaker. A speaker wants to connect with someone.”

In simple listening, the only “success” you, the listener, can achieve is being able to successfully give away what you have to give, which is giving up the predetermined result you might want to have in the communication exchange.”

Simple listening is a gift with no strings attached.”

Simple listening works because it connects people.”

The purpose of simple listening is to help another person clarify what is going on in their own mind.”

Simple listening is a gift you give to someone, and it’s a gift that costs you something to give.”

What is amazing about simple listening is that you don’t need a formula. You listen simply by deciding to do so. You listen simply by deciding to make yourself available to do so.”

4. Fourth Wall.

This book provides a special experience if you are a coach. I am, and I cannot appreciate enough how Jacob translated a coaching experience into a life experience – for “normal” people. If you are a coach, you cannot miss this book. And you will forever have a way to explain what you are doing to your close ones and friends. Instead of trying to explain – in vain! – just give them a copy of Listen Simply.

If you are no coach and have no clue what I’m blabbering here, don’t worry. Like in any proper work of art, you won’t see the 4th wall, and you still can change your life – if you practice listening simple.

Summary

You may doubt the book’s message. It cannot be so simple, can it? Jacob Coldwell says in this book:

I’ve seen years of pain dissipate in one good conversation.”

I definitely believe him. I’ve seen literally magical outputs from one good conversation. Ha! Sometimes, I didn’t anticipate the outputs, and yet the magical outputs still materialized. Can you believe that a man can be ‘programmed’ to sleep just four hours a night to find some time for self-care – within a 30-minute conversation?

This is just one of many incredible byproducts of a coaching conversation I witnessed.

Listening simply has an incredible power. A power you can tap into because it is one of the practices of being a human. You can do it as you can think, run, or speak.

Do yourself a favor, buy this book and tap into this power. Your relationships, and your life, will change for better and for good, I promise.

Book Review: Scaling Your Business with MOD Virtual Professionals

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Scaling Your Business with MOD Virtual Professionals is a nice short book. Yes, it is also an infomercial, but it is a valuable book in itself. You don’t need to hire MyOutDesk to get the value of the content. The Sticky Challenge itself is easily worth the price of the book.

However, because it was written with pitching the business for MOD in mind, it has a couple of major …

CONS1. Appealing to Everybody.

In the effort of gaining as big of a market share as possible, the author committed the main marketing sin and didn’t properly narrow down for whom this book is the best option. Small business owners is really an extremely broad category.

So, let me distill it to a few points, as I understood the concept:
a) You already have an established business

It is not just the idea or the business in a shaky startup phase.

b) Your business is healthy enough so you have some spare funds

And it’s much less than you’d think. Consider, how much you’d need to pay to hire someone for two hours a day in your country? I guess, it’s something north of $10 per hour, $800 a month. You can easily hire somewhere between half- and full-time in Philippines for this amount.

c) You already have some clarity what to delegate out

If not, do your homework first. But Scaling Your Business with MOD Virtual Professionals can actually help you with that.

d) The tasks you want to delegate out are digital

This is the crucial point. For example, my business is fully online. I cannot even count in how many countries are located people who worked for me. But I have a buddy, Rich, who has an alarm-installing business in the States. He needs first hands-on help on-site; this is a bottleneck for his growth. Hiring virtual professionals would do him no good.

But if the task you have in mind requires only the Internet connection and a phone number, you are good to go.

e) Icing on the cake: it involves sales

Then it’s a no-brainer. If I were you, I would’ve hired MyOutDesk on the spot.

2. Internal Lingo.

Yes, Daniel explains every time what a specific acronym or phrase means. Still, the book is chock-full of the terms straight out of his company’s Business Scaling Manual. It’s more than a bit annoying, and it spoils the reading experience.

On the other hand, if your business fits the points from a) to d), getting this book is a no-brainer. You can grow your business quickly, save plenty of money in the process, and even have some positive social impact as a byproduct. Have a look at the …

PROS1. Impressive System.

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It’s clear that MyOutDesk is a well-oiled machine which worked with (and for) hundreds of various small businesses. They have a step-by-step manual for scaling up a small business.

The book is too short to contain the full system. But it does a great job at outlining it. Thus, you have an opportunity to follow the lead of someone who has been there and done that. You can avoid costly mistakes you’d have done by fumbling and stumbling.

2. The Sticky Challenge.

You cannot improve what you don’t measure. In case of solopreneurs, tracking your time and workload is a must.

And I love how Daniel proposes to do it: by writing down each and every task you are doing on a separate sticky note. It’s hands on, physical, it has less chances to be forgotten (since that stack of sticky notes is staring right at you on your desk).

Afterward, you have the physical documentation you can easily work with: categorizing your tasks, ranking them on if they give you energy or not, assessing how doable is their delegation.
Awesome. Simple, smart, very doable, and it can be turned into a habit really quick.

3. Hiring for the Outcome.

I’ve already worked with Virtual Assistants and freelancers. Hiring them for the specific output beats hiring them for tasks, big time. It also makes more sense from the perspective of a business owner. Plus, it makes the hiring process easier, because you have the clarity of what you actually want to achieve.

4. Customer-Oriented Culture.

Daniel claims that every single employee of yours should have the customer-centric attitude:

Ensure that what is paramount to every single employee is to directly get and keep customers, with no exceptions.

It makes sense in every setup, but doubly so in the virtual one. When you act from the paradigm of getting and keeping customers, whatever you do will be for the benefit of a company. No matter if it’s accounting, invoicing, social media management or cold-calling.

Of course, it is your role, as the owner, to build such a culture. Yet, the first step is to realize, this is indeed a glue of your business. Then, even people working remotely for you from all the corners of the world, can do a good job with a minimal supervision.

5. Well Written.

Scaling Your Business with MOD Virtual Professionals is a relatively short book, and that’s great. The author doesn’t waste your time beating around the bush.

I liked how the book is full of facts and figures. The numeric illustration of how much of a difference it makes hiring for a small business? Priceless.

Apart from the internal lingo, this book provides a smooth reading experience. There is an ideal balance between content and stories to make the main points memorable.

Summary

I already have a small team of virtual staff. I started exactly like Daniel prescribes: I found small tasks that could be delegated out, and hired people very part-time to take them off of my plate. The relief was instant and hard to describe. Hiring allowed me to grow the business, even when I worked on it very part time (2-3 hours a day).

Two people from my team are from Philippines, and I agree 100% with the author about Filipinos’ work ethic and talent pool.

Definitely, Scaling Your Business with MOD Virtual Professionals is worth reading. If you struggle with hiring for your business, if you have even two hours a day of digital work in your business that can be outsourced, you shouldn’t hesitate for one minute, but buy this book and make it a reality.

After all, the difference between the revenue of solopreneurs and small businesses hiring employees is fourfold. This is a low-hanging fruit which can make a difference in your business and in your life.

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Book Review: 7 Attitudes of the Helping Heart

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Normally, I wouldn’t even have opened such a book. When it comes to spiritual advice, I go to the books written by saints themselves.

But I ended up on a vacation without any other reading material to practice speed reading, so I read 7 Attitudes of the Helping Heart. And I was impressed.

I hadn’t had big expectations when starting this book, so it was easy to exceed them, and the author did exactly that. I cannot even name a single CON of 7 Attitudes of the Helping Heart because I didn’t read it with a critical mindset at all.

However, I can give several reasons why it was a good read for me.

1. The Elephant in the Room.

Poor people. I found the fragments written by the poor Cambodians most fascinating in the whole book. It was a brilliant idea. Without those snippets, that would have been one more book among thousands written by a privileged Westerner who could only observe poverty from the sidelines.

Yes, John’s words were wise and insightful. I could relate to him, like one privileged man to another. But the stories of poor people said in their own words?!? C’mon. They were like a hit by a hammer between my eyes. So strong! So real! So far away from my own experience! I had been extremely poor in a developing country (we lived for $350 a month for a few years), and I tell you, that’s a whole universe away from being poor in a third-world country.

I’m extremely grateful to the author that he included those stories. I read the book for them, I breezed through John’s words, just to get to the next installment from Sak, Pun, and Theary.

I hope they are getting their share of royalties, because they definitely deserved it.

Read 7 Attitudes of the Helping Heart</a> just for those three real stories.

2. Relatable.

John wrote this book with authenticity. He struggles with the exact same dilemmas I struggle with when it comes to living out my faith and care for the poor.

I appreciate the author’s vulnerability; he shared plenty of tidbits from his own life, which were so similar to my experience. I think this is another great point which makes this little book so powerful – you can really put yourself in the shoes of someone who is so similar, yet figured out a few things about cultivating a helping heart.

Reading the book, I felt like John is just a few steps ahead of me – a man who struggled with the same issues, and recognized how he can actually make a difference for the poor.

3. Spiritual Lessons.

The author tackled some issues that have been occupying the greatest minds since the dawn of humanity. For example, suffering. Why? What for?

(…)personal suffering can allow us to be co-sufferers with others. Our own suffering can remind us of the pain others are going through(…)”

That’s at least one peek behind the reason why God made suffering an unavoidable part of life.

Another big subject, love:

How can we care about people we don’t know? I think it starts with caring for people we already know.”

Generosity, and how it intersects with holiness:

Holiness leads us to generosity, and generosity helps us to be holy.”

Sin:

(…) sin stops me from positively impacting others. It stops me from sharing a friendly smile, from saying encouraging words, from thinking about the needs of others. It hinders my capacity, or God’s capacity through me, to effect people. Sin takes away what I could freely give to others.”

And the above examples are just a few things that caught my attention. I think everybody can find more impactful lessons for themselves in this book.

4. Excellent Book.

I loved the personal stories of the author – his authenticity and vulnerability. I loved the stories written by Sak, Pun, and Theary even more.

It is not overly wordy. I read it in a bit more than one hour. It wasted none of my time, and gave me a chance for reflections about some of the biggest spiritual mysteries.

It is well written, and flows very smoothly. It was also very professionally edited and formatted. I published 19 books on my own, and I appreciate a solid craft when I see it.

Summary

If you are a Christian, read this book. Doubly so, if you struggle with how to live out your faith and care for the poor.

If you are not a Christian, read this book as well. You are a human being and 7 Attitudes of the Helping Heart goes over very universal human affairs.

The post Book Review: 7 Attitudes of the Helping Heart appeared first on ExpandBeyondYourself.

Coaching Magic

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Photo by Laura Tancredi

Coaching is a very transformative experience. And it should be. Getting a certificate costs a small fortune and rightfully so. There is an incredible amount of knowledge and skills packed into the process.

So, usually you are paying a coach a hefty fee for their time. You expect the intended transformation: getting a promotion, changing your career path, getting ready for a new stage in life or getting un-stuck from something which plagued you for years.

Transformations in coaching are expected. However, I’m in awe of the “byproduct transformations” which I observed too often to be just an accident. More than a few times, my clients got some insight completely unrelated to their coaching goal, and the simple expansion of their self-awareness was enough to get rid of some serious stuff. A couple of examples:

Social Anxiety

One of my clients suffered from social anxiety. Whenever he was in a social setup, even as common as buying groceries in the store, he was overly self-aware of himself. If you ever experienced shyness, you can relate; if you didn’t experience it, it may sound completely puzzling for you. Why would anybody be anxious about how others will perceive him in a grocery store?!

However, that is just a single example. It happened all the time – when my client was attending a church, interacting with other parents on a school parking lot, or even chatting with his neighbors over the fence. Social anxiety was his constant companion.

We had four coaching sessions and this issue appeared a few times, but it was never our focus.

Guilt

Another customer suffered from the paramount sense of guilt. She always put herself at the last place in her family – not from a sense of loving care, but rather from the sense of guilt.

In our coaching, we worked on her business. In one session, after I asked her a question about why she functions in a specific way, she connected the dots: “Oh, because I feel guilty!”

In that moment, despite the fact she sat firmly in her chair (we communicated via Zoom), I could apply to her the expression “stopped in her tracks.” She was able to connect some of her weird business behaviors to that sense of guilt. Then, she realized quickly where this guilt came from – it was enticed by her mother. Telling everything that was wrong with her daughter was her parenting style.

We explored this self-discovery for a moment, and we went back to the main coaching process.

Results

A month after our latest session, my client plagued with social anxiety told me: “My anxiety is down to zero. Its level had been dropping gradually, but I didn’t even notice it was gone!”

One day, he was simply visiting a nearby chapel and he caught himself at not thinking what others are thinking of him. Just like that.

A week after my business client made her discovery, she told me that her sense of guilt was completely gone! She could provide a few specific examples when she behaved differently than normal. For example, her daughter wanted to travel for the internship to Africa. My client didn’t think it was a good idea. But in the past, she would have succumbed to the wish of her daughter in the name of her personal freedom. My client had avoided at all cost the impression that she is coercing her kids into anything.

But after our coaching session? She just said to her daughter she doesn’t support the idea of the internship in Africa. Because she didn’t.

And that was just one example of many. My client has actually transformed her thinking and behavior.

Conclusion

Transformation of the mindset and behaviors is the actual objective of coaching, at least in the way I do it. Yet, those “byproduct” transformations are an integral part of the coaching process. As a coach, I never purposefully pursue them. Most of the time, at the beginning of the process I have no clue my clients have those various issues, beliefs, and behavior patterns.

So, how come my clients are able to overcome them? The coaching process is owned by clients. They are in charge of it. A good coach is just a companion, watcher, assistant. Each of such transformation started in the minds of my clients. Prodded by my questions, they were able to connect the dots and understand how their past experiences programmed them to be who they are now. In both of the above stories, such realization was all they needed to change.

Sometimes, the realization happens wholly in the subconscious mind. I’ve already shared a story of my client who was desperate to find another hour in his fully packed days, and the next day his body woke him up an hour earlier.

I am convinced, in all three cases the true transformation happened at the subconscious level. In any of the above processes, we didn’t try to dismantle those problems and beliefs. My clients didn’t come up with some brilliant plan of action to get rid of their anxiety or guilt. In the case of the man who started waking up one hour earlier, we were both thinking at the end of our coaching session that it didn’t move the needle at all!

Coaching Magic

There is a magic when two people meet together, abandon social masks and openly share their bare thoughts.

If you’d asked me how my clients experienced those transformations, I couldn’t answer. I don’t know what really happened. But I know it happens often enough to consider those “side effects” an inseparable benefit of a coaching process.

I don’t know the why and how. But I know it works. So, if you want to experience similar transformation, you’d better start looking for a coach.

Originally published at Quora.

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Book Review: Catch the Unicorn

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Book Cover Design by Booksmith Designs

I loved everything about this small book (164 pages): zero beating around the bush, sound business and craft advice, excellent mindset insights, and the price, of course. Catch the Unicorn is permanently free on Kindle.

As the author of 19 nonfiction books, I am in a good position to verify most of the book’s content just with my experience. And I tell you, the content is aligned with my experience in at least 95%. The rest? Well, the subtitle says “for fiction,” so maybe slightly different rules apply in that realm.

Let’s go over all the PROS:

1. Short and to the Point.

Hmm, actually, the only criticism I may have about Catch the Unicorn is that it is not strictly a marketing book. Quite a few pages are about basics: cover, editing, book blurb, etc. This is not marketing. Yet, those basics affect every marketing attempt, so you’d better make them right at the first attempt, instead of burning your time and money on “ineffective” marketing (the marketing is OK, but if you market a botch, no advertising budget will help you).

Yet, Denis goes over those points with a neck breaking speed and gives them only as much attention as is essential.

2. Blunt.

I love how direct the author is about the plethora of marketing methods. Yes, most of them plainly do not work. Yes, the best thing as an authorpreneur you can ever do is to focus on collecting your readers’ emails.

Blunt? It is just common sense.

3. Sound Business Advice.

Apart from being an author, Denis is also a consultant, and a good one too. His advice is to the point (and hard-won through years of experience).

Being an author means you now own a business. A successful business will always monitor the sales data and adjust their prices to maximize their profits.

Amazing, how many authors cannot even absorb this first fundamental lesson.

4. Email List.

Denis skillfully deconstructs how to start your email list, what to offer to your readers, so they will be willing to give you their email address, and how to nurture them, to turn them into your fans.

You just need to read the book, and then follow each and every step to build your own email list, even if you are technically challenged and don’t have a clue what “email list” is.

5. Actionable.

List-building methods is just one example of how easy to implement the author’s advice is. Getting reviews? He tells exactly how to do it. Organizing a book launch? He gives you a detailed plan, broken down into months and weeks. And his experience shines on every page.

Plan for only 10% of the total ARC team to leave a review on this day.”

ARC stands for Advance Readers Copy. Newbies don’t get it at all. People declare they will invest hours of their time to read the advance copy, and only 10% will actually publish a review?

That’s reality, and you know it only by publishing a number of books. Catch the Unicorn is full of such facts and stats, and they are true.

6. Mindset and Connections.

Writing is a lonely job. It doesn’t get any more social when it comes to marketing your books. And we, human beings, suck in isolation.

(…) in the vast majority of cases, we are our own worst critics and our own dream killers.”

The last chapter of Catch the Unicorn reads as a good personal development book. All the technicalities in the world will not help you one ounce, if you kill your dreams by your own hands.

I fully agree with every bit of Denis’ advice about connecting with readers, fellow authors, and influencers in your space. You need them all to catch the unicorn. It takes a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to successfully market a book.

Summary

This is a great starter for any newbie author. It is especially valuable to wannabes who are writing their first book and have little clue about marketing – and even less practice with it.

Instead of trying to experiment with a zillion different options, you will get a step-by-step program to write, publish and market your book with success. Catch the Unicorn is a priceless resource for fiction authors overwhelmed with book marketing.

It is good for nonfiction authors too.

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Quitters Never Win

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Photo by Nicola Barts from Pexels

Shawn Achor, in his book Big Potential (which is one of my favorite books) tells the story of taking part in the study as a guinea pig.

He was informed that the study’s objective was to learn how the elderly fall. And that he will get a $20-dollar stipend for participating. So, for the next three hours he was going over and over again through the pitch-black corridor filled with traps, and he repeatedly fall. He wanted to quit badly, but he wanted his $20 even more.

However, he was tricked. The study wasn’t about elderly’s falls, it was about resilience in relationship to economic gains. He was the only one who persisted the full three hours. Oh, and he could have quit at any moment and still get his $20. Shawn Achor summarized this story in those words:

Quitters sometimes DO win. Defense, resilience, and grit are valuable, but only to a point.”

Why I’m telling you this story? To demonstrate how outlandish and artificial circumstances and stories need to be invented to make the above sentences right.

Think of it for a moment: where in the real life (not during the fake study with false assumptions) quitting is ever rewarded?

Quit your job, quit your relationship, quit your school, quit the competition, and what you will gain?

Nothing. Always nothing.

The best you can count on are benefits coming from alternative costs. You might have gained a better job, relationship, or education. But quitting alone doesn’t guarantee nor provide any of those benefits. You have to first invest in the new job, relationship, school or sport. Even if you “win” the cost will be higher — because the time and resources spent on both endeavors (job, relationship, etc.) will compound into a single reward.

Quitters Never Win — Not in the Real Life

When was the last time when you’ve seen a sportsman who threw the towel and won? The one who stopped in the middle of the race and won?

When have you heard of an army which surrendered and won? Or of a couple who divorced and thus had a thriving marriage together?

Quitting and Winning is an oxymoron. A dry water. A soft rock. A cold fire.

All the above can appear only in the wild human imagination. We can manipulate reality in a limited space and time to engineer circumstances where quitting is rewarded or the fire is cold. We can create the computer game with the rules that are different from our reality. But it doesn’t mean real world will change and start functioning differently.

Never give up on what is IMPORTANT to YOU.”
— Craig Ballantaine

The above quote aptly illustrates, when to quit. And it has nothing to do with resilience and grit being valuable only to a point. You can quit all day long- on something that’s not important for you. Actually, you should be quitting all the time on unimportant things. This is how you make space in your life for important ones.

Certainly, $20 was important for the poor student. Well, maybe not THAT important, but that was up to Shawn to do the risk assessment. Was his three hours of misery worth $20? He said in the Big Potential that they were worth more than that. Then, what was the break-even point for him? He should’ve decide it upfront and quit when there was the right time for it.

Calculating risks and defining “the quit point” is not quitting. It’s a logical decision. This is how you limit the costs. Quitting a job after two days when you feel in your gut it’s the wrong place for you is so much smarter, than quitting two days before the date of a yearly bonus because you cannot stand the job anymore.

But quitting on things important for YOU? It never makes sense. It is never rewarded.

Everybody knows it well at the gut level. That’s why people give their lives for their faith. That’s why they give their lives for their spouses and children. That’s why they give their lives for their country.

We have a great example of this right now in the Ukraine. Hundreds of thousands of people discovered that their freedom is important for them and they are putting their lives at stakes.

The Real Problem

So, since we know at the gut level that quitters never win, why so many people quit? Great Resignation. Failed New Year’s resolutions attempts. Skyrocketing divorce rates. The list just goes on. Nobody seems to value perseverance anymore. How come?

My hunch is, those quitters simply don’t know what’s important for them.

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Photo by Anastasiya Vragova from Pexels

They never – or not often enough – try to push the pause button and reflect upon their core values. They don’t try to get to know themselves- to discover their strengths and blind spots.

They simply run in the hamster wheel of their life, faster and faster, without taking the time to pause, stop, reflect, and ponder. The pervasive state of hurry robs them from any chances of discovering what is truly important for them.

Thus, they randomly try one thing after another, and they quit all too often. They quit because the fads they succumb to are not important for them.

The Solution

Stop hurrying. If you are a Christian, I recommend an excellent book as the resource, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry.

Introduce some self-reflection into your daily life. Journal, meditate, pray, set goals, take self-examination tests, define your core values. Look for feedback. Take advice from your friends, peers and mentors. Pause before making big life decisions, like relationship, education, or career choices.

What is the most common excuse not to do any of the above? “I don’t have time for that!”

However, every human being has the same 24h, every single day. Do you know what “I don’t have time for that!” really stands for?

“It’s not my priority.”

But you’d have better prioritize figuring out what’s truly important for you. Otherwise, you will waste a lot of time starting and giving up on less important things. If you are hapless enough, you may waste your entire life chasing shiny objects… and quitting.

Instead of winning, you will lose.

Where to “find” time? Average American spends about half an hour playing video games a day, watching TV for three hours a day, and wastes about two hours a day on social media. That’s 5.5 hours a day. Craving out 15 minutes a day for reflection from the above activities shouldn’t be a problem.

If you aren’t “average” I’m pretty sure you invented your own unique ways for wasting time. If you are not sure what they are, keep a time log for a week or two. Time-wasting activities will reveal themselves.

Seriously, it’s better to sleep for 15 minutes less than to lead your life on autopilot and never discover what is important for you.

So, don’t buy to the idea that quitters sometimes do win. Take my advice to your heart and figure out what’s important for you. Don’t you ever quit on those things.

This is how you win in this game called life.

Originally published at Quora.

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Live Like No One Else

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Photo by Ady April from Pexels

If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.”
― Dave Ramsey

November 2011

I lived like everybody else. I woke up at 5:30 am to get on a train at 6:10 am, so I could be on time at work. Walking to the train station, I prayed I could stay at home with my family. I plugged through the workday without much interest, wishing I’d have been somewhere else. On a train back home, I usually napped fighting off the sleep deficit.

I spent a few precious hours living my life, taking care of household chores, and playing with my kids. I stole a couple hours from my sleep reading or playing computer games.

I had a life of an average Joe, living from paycheck to paycheck. Saving a few percent of my salary was a constant battle. I never tried to explore the life outside my small social bubble. My health was OK-ish; other than an infection about twice a year and murderous allergy during a pollen season, I was fine.

November 2021

I participate in the elite coaching program (the price: five average monthly salaries). Other trainees are mostly from the corporate world and at the manager positions. I listen to their pain points and they are almost exactly the same like mine had been 10 years ago – stress and pressure in their day jobs, lack of time for self-care and for their families.

I fight off the urge to pinch myself. I enjoy my life so much better. The golden cage is not a danger for me anymore. I still work in the corporate world, but only 10 hours a week. I have three other solid income sources – book royalties, coaching, and my own business.

I make more money than some of my colleagues from the coaching program. I earn less than some of them. But I enjoy the most freedom out of them. I work 30-40 hours a week. If any of my income sources annihilates overnight, it will make exactly zero impact on my finances in the long term.

I don’t remember when I last missed my daughter’s singing recital.

I make sure I take care of myself, dedicating about three hours a day to my personal development, spiritual practices, and health.

I credit to those disciplines my good health. Other than COVID in October 2020, I wasn’t sick in 2-3 years. My allergy symptoms greatly subdued.

Living Like No One Else

10 days ago, on a whim, I decided to take a 4-day trip to Budapest, Hungary. My friend, Marc Reklau, invited me to come over. My schedule cleared when an event was cancelled due to COVID. Within one hour, I decided to go and purchased the plane tickets.

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                                                    In Budapest

I dropped everything and visited my friend, who I’ve known only from online interactions. It was a Thanksgiving week, so I actually had fewer calls with my US customers and prospects. I worked a little bit, but the bulk of our days we spent on conversations, exchanging our experiences, and sightseeing Budapest. We ate out every evening.

This is what freedom means to me, and it was a hard-won freedom indeed.

November 2013

I lived like nobody else. I woke up at 4:10 am to get on a train at 6:10. I dedicated my early morning to my small daily ritual, which objective was to remind me what my life priorities are and give me motivation. On a train to work, I wrote.

But that was just half of my commute. On the way to work, I also repeated my personal mission statement, trained on speed reading and read a book written by a saint for at least 10 minutes.

Whenever I could spare some time in my day job, I read, researched or listened to personal development programs. On a train back home, I wrote and/or napped.

I replaced watching TV, fiction reading and computer games with writing, researching, and studying. I learned how to publish and market eBooks on Amazon. That month, I published my third book.

Including my day job, I was working 12-14 hours a day during workdays and several hours on Saturdays. I started hustling so hard around April 2013 and kept hustling till February 2016. Or longer.

And I still had a life of a normal person. Household chores. Playing with kids. Church community responsibilities. Doctor appointments. Tax paperwork.
Spectators watching me from a sideline would have said I lost my mind and didn’t enjoy my life.

But what would they know? I utterly enjoyed those few years; at least in the moments when I wasn’t completely exhausted.

The Question of Price

I think the most obvious secret is that living like everybody else and like anybody else requires the same energy and effort.

I know very well the price of the day job stress; the numbing feeling when you immerse yourself in various mindless activities to forget about the everyday struggle; the empty void when you are spending hours doing something unfulfilling, day after day, after day.

I know very well the price of purposeful drive; long hours spent on your own projects with no support whatsoever; a fulfilling joy, when something you created helped another human being.

Achieving success is tough. It takes perseverance. The output is never guaranteed. A couple of my books were complete flops, and it hurt when long months spent on producing them provided very meager return. It takes time. The hustle takes ruthless self-honesty and responsibility.

But not achieving success is not easy at all. Look around. Don’t you know the stories of people who lived like everybody else and they wasted their health, or became addicts, or ended up divorced, lost lifetime savings and their homes, or landed in a mental health institution? Very often, success in the corporate world leaves a scorched earth. Pshaw! Often, just being average in the corporate world equals to paying the price in your health, relationships, spirituality, or just in plain self-worth.

The Law of Sowing and Reaping

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                                  Photo by  Sami Abdullah  from  Pexels

I sowed for a few years like no one else, so now I can reap the benefits like no one else. And ‘everybody else’ was not doing much throughout the years I hustled, so they are in the same position they were several years ago – trapped in their day jobs, dependent on a single source of income.

The corporate salary is supposed to be a ‘safe’ income source. And usually it is, just up to the moment it’s not. When I got laid off in 2009, there was nothing safe about it.

We had savings for about two months of maintaining our modest lifestyle. I got lucky and found a new job in about a month, but what if I hadn’t? Our situation could’ve easily spiraled into downright poverty, in just a few months. ‘Safe’ income, indeed!

I’m not a multimillionaire. I still have to work and provide for my family every month. Yet, I enjoy a lifestyle of a retiree (but with more money) – I’m doing what I like to do and when I want to do it. Or a lifestyle of a business owner (but with less stress) – I, not anybody else, decide which project is worth investing my money and energy, and I am free to pivot or take a break whenever I choose.

And I can enjoy this kind of life exactly because I sowed like crazy for a few years.

Money Is Just One of the Fruits of Sowing

I’m reaping the fruits of relationships I’ve built.

My proofreader is one of my readers. She also helps me with copywriting. My friend is also my formatter and helps me with cover designs.

I had been active in a Facebook group for authors, and one guy from there offered free editing and marketing services for me. The book he helped me with became my first bestseller. I have scores of such stories.

I’m reaping the fruits of the reputation I’ve built.

My customers refer me to other authors. Referrals are my only source of business. When I practiced as a habit coach, it was enough for me to mark myself available on Coach.me, and every single week I had new prospects because they saw testimonials of my coachees.

I’m in the top 2% earners in my country, and I rarely work even 40 hours a week. I do what I (mostly) like to do. I have a feeling that I’m making the world better with my contributions. I give a part-time income to several people.

And I attend every family and social occasion my wife or kids want me to attend. I can drop everything and go on the 4-day trip abroad in a matter of hours.

I live like no one else in my neighborhood, because I put some extra effort no one else around was willing to take.

You can have freedom and resources to live your life like you want. If I could do it in a totally random fashion in one of the most competitive industries in the world (writing), you can easily get better results, faster.

Imagine the life you want to have. The life like no one else has.

Hustle for a few years, like no one else, and it may be reality.

Originally published at Medium.

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Book Review: The Decision-Making Blueprint

[image error]The Decision-Making Blueprint is a shockingly good masterpiece. I loved both the idea and execution. The book consists of bite-sized chapters, which provide a short but insightful description of a single concept related to better decision-making.

I found only a single CON of this book, and it is related to my own personal philosophy.

Some slippery slopes are real, but often they’re not.”

The above quote applies to one of the mental models (Slippery Slope) described in the book:

5. Slippery Slope
Our tendency to assume that a minor action will lead to a major consequence.”

All slippery slopes are real, if you ask me. The fact that you didn’t stumble and fail after the first, or ninth, step down the slope, doesn’t mean the slope is not real.

This is not a tendency; this is the description of reality. Every minor action will lead to a major consequence – if you repeat it over time. Every consistent action is leveraged and compounded by time.

The stories of billions of addicts in human history (food addicts, gambling addicts, smokers, alcoholics, workaholics, sexoholics, procrastinators, and the like) clearly prove that slippery slopes are real, and they are real often enough.
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A minor action + consistency = a major consequence.

PROS

Other than the above CON, I just loved the whole book. Let’s go over its multiple PROS.

1. The Idea.

In The Decision-Making Blueprint, Patrik Edblad goes over 10 common biases, 10 fallacies, and 25 different mental models in order to make a reader more aware of the thinking traps and shortcuts.

And, according to the author, that awareness is the main advantage of his book:

Acquiring new thinking tools is straightforward. Once you learn a mental model, you can’t unlearn it.”

I fully agree. Well, maybe the only qualification here would be that it’s not enough to read about something to learn about it. Dry knowledge is not enough to penetrate a human skull; otherwise, all the students worldwide would have gotten straight “A’s.”

Well, Patrik used a very smart tactic to deal with this problem. Namely…

2. Amazing Examples.

Each and every chapter is literally filled with practical, common-sense, down-to-earth examples of particular bias, fallacy, or a mental model. This is, by far, the strongest benefit of The Decision-Making Blueprint.

Since most of us aren’t building space rockets anytime soon, let’s apply this process to a more relatable problem.”

I was amazed at how well he could translate some high-level mental models into everyday situations.

And Patrik did it in every single chapter. Usually, there are at least three examples for each concept. Oftentimes, the author skillfully shares his own experience and everyday situations which pertain to a particular bias or model.

Definitely, The Decision-Making Blueprint is a book that can make you learn something; it is not just a dry textbook.

3. Research-Backed.

I loved how the author used scientific studies and research to support his points. It’s clear that he did his homework, including the fact that behavioral research is not that trustworthy after all. Plenty of such studies could not be repeated with the same results, meaning there was either something wrong with the research process or even the hypothesis itself.

But then, Patrik says:
Over 200 scientific studies show that if-then planners are about 300 percent more likely to achieve their goals.

And I know he did the homework. If 200 studies come to the same conclusion, it is science, not wishful thinking.

The Decision-Making Blueprint is full of such tidbits, and the conclusions of studies the author points to are always interesting and relevant.

4. Zero Fluff.

And I mean ZERO. This book is bare bones and just enough muscles to make it functional. It is hard to find even a single unnecessary word, not to mention the whole sentence. The Decision-Making Blueprint is exactly as long as it needs to be. Patrik demonstrates the point, describes it in a precise, concise form, adds a few examples and wraps the thing with a one-paragraph-long summary.

The author doesn’t waste even a second of the readers’ time. This whole book is like this, from the first to the last page. Introduction and closing chapters are just a few pages long, and there is no beating the dead horse.

5. Well Written.

As stripped of non-essentials as The Decision-Making Blueprint is, it is still a good read. For a how-to type of book, it is pretty entertaining.

I have several dozen highlights from this short book, because it is so good.

Everything is put together into one masterful piece. The book just flows from the beginning to the end. The chapters have the same cadence. The overall reading experience is great.

Summary

The Decision-Making Blueprint is a great book. Grab it. Read it. Learn the concepts. Start making better decisions.

PS. All the concepts described in the book:

10 Cognitive Biases

1. Confirmation Bias
Our tendency to favor information that confirms our existing beliefs.

2. Self-Serving Bias
Our tendency to take credit for successes and deny responsibility for failures.

3. Availability Bias
Our tendency to base our judgments on what most easily springs to mind.

4. Survivorship Bias
Our tendency to focus on things that “survive” a process while overlooking those that don’t.

5. Loss Aversion
Our tendency to prefer avoiding losses to acquiring equivalent gains.

6. Status Quo Bias
Our tendency to prefer that things stay as they already are.

7. Anchoring Bias
Our tendency to rely too much on an initial piece of information.

8. Hyperbolic Discounting
Our tendency to value smaller immediate rewards more than larger future rewards.

9. Dunning-Kruger Effect
Our tendency to be more confident the less we know.

10. Bias Blind Spot
Our tendency to recognize biases in others but fail to see them in ourselves.

10 Logical Fallacies

1. Hasty Generalization
Our tendency to draw conclusions based on small sample sizes.

2. False Cause
Our tendency to presume that one thing caused another.

3. False Dilemma
Our tendency to consider only two options even though more exist.

4. Middle Ground
Our tendency to assume that the middle point between two extremes must be true.

5. Slippery Slope
Our tendency to assume that a minor action will lead to a major consequence.

6. Sunk Cost Fallacy
Our tendency to do things based on how much time and resources we’ve invested.

7. Planning Fallacy
Our tendency to underestimate the time and resources needed to complete something.

8. Appeal to Popularity
Our tendency to believe something is true just because it’s popular.

9. Appeal to Authority
Our tendency to believe something is true just because it’s the opinion of an expert.

10. The Fallacy Fallacy
Our tendency to assume that when a fallacy is made, the claim must be wrong.

25 Mental Models

1. System 1 and System 2
The two modes of thought.

2. The Map Is Not the Territory
An abstraction derived from something is not the thing itself.

3. The 80/20 Principle
80 percent of the effects come from 20 percent of the causes.

4. The Circle of Competence
The subject area that matches a person’s skills or expertise.

5. Opportunity Cost
The benefits missed when choosing one option over another.

6. The Eisenhower Matrix
Prioritizing what’s important over what’s urgent.

7. First Principles Thinking
Breaking down problems into their basic parts and reassembling them.

8. Second-Level Thinking
Identifying subsequent consequences before they happen.

9. Inversion
Thinking backward instead of forward.

10. Bayesian Thinking
Estimating probabilities using prior knowledge.

11. Multiplying by Zero
Anything times zero is always zero.

12. Occam’s Razor
The simplest solution tends to be the right one.

13. Hanlon’s Razor
Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by neglect.

14. Incentives
Things that motivate someone to do something.

15. Nudging
Subtle cues or context changes that gently push you toward a certain decision.

16. Conformity
Matching attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors to the norms of the group.

17. Evolution by Natural Selection
The organisms best adapted to their environment tend to thrive.

18. Homeostasis
The tendency of a system to maintain internal stability.

19. Fight or Flight
The instinctive physiological response to a threatening situation.

20. Entropy
The tendency of everything to move from order to disorder.

21. Margin of Safety
The ability to withstand challenges that are greater than expected.

22. Antifragility
The ability to benefit from stressors.

23. Newton’s Laws of Motion
Three laws of mechanics describing the motions of objects.

24. Algorithms
Well-defined instructions to perform certain tasks.

25. Compounding

Interest on interest.

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Habits of a Good Business Coach

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Photo by Michael Burrows

In one of my previous articles, I explained how to find a good business coach. This article is complementary to that one. The stuff I share here is a secret coaching sauce unnoticeable for people who aren’t coaches themselves. I’m not covering the obvious points – that a good coach has a habit of using open-ended questions or doesn’t shower you with advice. I’m talking here about relevant small habits that can make or break the whole coaching process. And most of them pertain to the crucial coaching competence recognized by the International Coaching Federation called contracting.

Contracting

What is it? A skill of creating kind of a deal between the coach and coachee. Like with deals, there are some standard elements and some optional.

Oh, and the European Mentoring and Coaching Council found out in their research that it is the weakest competence among coaches. Thus, it’s the easiest space to spot your eventual coach’s competence; to check if he or she has a bunch of good habits established.

The coaching contract gets hammered during the first or second session, depending on whether you include the initial ‘chemistry’ session as part of the coaching process or not. A good coach asks a few questions, and shares a few crucial points. With every single new client! Always. Omitting or avoiding those points can have disastrous repercussions down the road.

Habit #1: The Coaching Question

First of all, the coach needs to know how familiar you are with coaching. They should ask at the very beginning: What is your idea of coaching? Or something along those lines. You see, it’s a disaster when you try to coach someone who expects therapy, consulting, or mentoring. You need to be on the same page.

Habit #2: Ethics

Another obligatory thing is a sentence or two about the ethics of coaching: confidentiality and its boundaries, that only adults and mentally healthy persons can be coached, etc.

Habit #3: Coachee’s Obligations

It may surface with the Habit #1, but it needs to be said aloud: a client is the owner of the coaching process, is in control of it, and we are working on the client’s resources.

The ownership of the coaching process is a point where plenty of coaching processes fail. About the worst thing a coach can experience is coaching someone who is not interested, who contacted with a coach only because their boss or spouse told them to do so.

Habit #4: Sharing Coach’s Quirks

Of course, the coach will mention something about him. But we are not talking here about the canned response about their past successes or the profile of the clients they work with. Sharing those quirks is actually useful for the coaching process.

For example, I always warn my customers that I work with silence and, most of the time, it’s not intentional. I’m just the slow-line person who needs the time to process things through. And I’m silent when I’m doing that. Without such a warning, a long pause in the middle of the coaching conversation might’ve been very unsettling.

Habit #5: Technicalities

It seems obvious, but it’s not by accident that Contracting is the weakest coaching competence. You’d be surprised how many coaches don’t have a habit of setting up some boundaries: how long are the coaching sessions, how many sessions a coaching process usually takes, what are the payment terms, what are the means of communication, how you schedule the next call, and so on.

Habit #7: Asking about the Client’s Needs[image error]

Photo by Michael Burrows

“What do you need from me, here and now?” or a similar question is a great coaching habit to have. Nine times out of ten a coachee doesn’t have any additional needs or wishes, but at this 10th time it will be of great use.

Those needs may vary from trivial – adjust your volume, or look at them directly – to extremely serious – for example, a client’s close one died, and they need your extra compassion and tact in this hard time.

Habit #8: Asking for Feedback

Mentoring and supervision are great for improving a coach’s skills, but the direct feedback is even greater. A good coach has a habit of asking for feedback after the coaching session.

A pro tip for coaches: ask first what didn’t serve the client well during the session. Usually, answering to “What served you well?” causes no problems for the client (as long as there was anything serving them well ;). But if you ask about your stumbles after asking what you did right, most clients draw a blank; or pretend, because they try to be polite. When you ask about what wasn’t so good first, you send a signal that you are serious about getting the real feedback, not just feel-good affirmations.

Habit #9: Offering Feedback to the Client

And the key word here is “offering.” The coach shouldn’t shove the feedback down the client’s throat. If they don’t want to hear what the coach has to say, the coach should shut up.

But if the client is open to feedback, it may smooth out future coaching sessions. It is also a good opportunity to appreciate the client; I love to emphasize openness and trust of my clients, because this is a prerequisite for an effective coaching session.

Look out for those nine habits on your first session with your would-be coach. It can be a very handy way to discern between an OK coach and a great coach. And you can do it before you commit more time and money. If a coach misses a few of them, it’s not yet the sign of incompetence. But lack of most of them, or worse, all of them, is a sure warning sign.

If you have the choice between a coach who practices the above habits and the one who doesn’t, I firmly recommend the first one.

Hey, and by the way, you can always ask your eventual coach about any or all of the above points. Of course, you want to know the quirks of the coach, or when, where and how often the session will take place. Even if a coach doesn’t have relevant habits, their answers will reveal a lot about the quality of their work.

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