D.G. Kaye's Blog, page 176

Mourning a Loss

Shivah:  A traditional seven-day period of mourning the dead that is observed in Jewish homes – often used in the phrase sit shivah.    —- Merriam Webster

 

It’s snowing today. The first snow of the season.

Two days ago we buried our mother. We have been honouring the mourning period which in Judaism is known as “Shivah”. Thursday until 9pm, Friday until 5pm we get up because of the Sabbath there is no Shivah, and resumes Sunday 10am until 9pm. This is the shortened version that many choose to do instead of the traditional seven days.

During the Shivah period, friends and family come to pay their respects to the living immediate family mourning the loss of a loved one. We are sitting together at my brother’s house. In our religion, although my family is by no means religious, we have a system that seems to flow. We bury our dead the very next day (unless it’s the Sabbath day). Word spreads fast and during the Shiva, friends and family keep us company with their various comings and goings. It helps to ease up the sadness, but for me it’s a deterrent because trust me, when you get back home in your own quiet thoughts, it catches up with you. I am sure my emotions may be running amok for the next few weeks anyway; until I can find some resolution with myself and put things into the perspective that allows me to live comfortably.

Every time my husband drives us to and from my brother’s house, we pass the cemetery where my parents now rest together. It felt doubly hard to watch them fill the grave of my mother as the memories of doing that same thing almost 24 years ago with my father came flashing back.

The day before my mother passed and my brother called me to tell me my mother had hours left, maybe a day, I was beside myself. I felt the only thing that could comfort me at that time was to go to the cemetery and be with my father for awhile. I wanted to tell him that the love of his life would soon be coming. I told him that I prayed his eternity with her would be peaceful for him as it was not in his short life.

It was a sunny day, cool and crisp and no snow yet in sight. When I began telling my dad about my mom, the sky got dark and it started to rain. I got concerned that may have been a bad omen, but when I told my sister about it, she said they were his tears of joy. I drove home in the rain. As soon as I parked the car, the sun came back out.

I pray that from all the sadness my family has endured through the years and this past week that this closure may strengthen some of the broken ties between us that the years have tattered with so many hurts and resentments.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank so many of you for your support and condolences here and on social media and for your lovely comments in the guestbook link that was attached to the memorial notice I posted on facebook. It is truly comforting and an honour to call you all friends.

D.G.

Guilt

 

“Words may lay heavy; but guilt is the heavier burden” – D.G. Kaye

 

I have just learned that my mother is on her way to the next world. I pray it’s a better place for her. I always knew my day of reckoning would come, but never anticipated the roller coaster of emotions that would come with it.

I thought by writing my book Conflicted Hearts, that it would help me digest my life with my mother, yet I am now confronting emotions that I was sure I had put into a perspective where I knew how to handle the situation when finality was approaching. I don’t.

In these moments I’m juggling and am somehow petrified. There is a lot to this process of unsettled death. A daunting process of putting my emotions in a place where they can live comfortably.

 

I Wish

I wish we could have been friends.

I wish you could have been my mother.

I wish you weren’t so bitter and could have found your way out of your sorrow and depression, instead of hiding in a damaged ego, surrounding yourself from yourself and everyone else.

I wish you would have allowed yourself to be loved.

I wish I could have known what drove you to your sadness.

I wish all my years of trying to make you see happiness would have succeeded.

I wish you didn’t have to suffer.

I wish you peace.

Addendum: I wrote this post yesterday October 28th. Today is October 29th. My mother has passed. Please excuse my absence for the next few days while I will be out of my home, sitting “Shiva” at my brother’s house until next Monday as is the custom in my religion.

May you find peace in your soul mother. God rest your soul.

Vision and Verse

It’s been quite a month and I am really touched and honoured that I had been asked to do three interviews in this past month. One interview was a double interview with Linda Grey Sexton and myself with International Book Promotion , an 8 part interview with questions about writing in memoir.

The second interview was an author spotlight on me with International Book Promotion. And my latest interview here in the link below, is with author Carol Kauffman who interviews authors and artists at Vision and Verse.

 

Visit this link to read the interview. Vision and Verse.

SHOUT OUTS and SHARING

 

I’ve been thinking about the share buttons on our blogs. When I first started blogging I wasn’t aware of the importance of these buttons—other than the fact that most of us have them at the bottom of our posts, I felt like they are there merely  for someone to click if they wanted to ‘like’ what they had read.

In my earlier blogging days, if I enjoyed a post I always felt that I was letting the writer know so by hitting ‘like’. I didn’t realize the importance of the other ‘share’ buttons until I became a published author. Now, I’m not saying we have to be published authors in order to have our writing appreciated and shared, but this was when I learned to understand the concept of social sharing and the importance of using these buttons.

When writers spend the time writing articles and posting helpful information that can benefit others, isn’t that worth sharing? It’s  especially nice for the newcomers to blogging who are always eager to learn new things about their trade. On the same token, those buttons are very precious to help promote the writer’s website. After all, if we didn’t share things, many writers miss out on the chance of having their writing exposed to more readers and followers, not to mention, potential sales for their books.

These buttons offer a chance for someone else to discover the writer’s page, and by sharing on all the various sites, it creates a chain reaction of other readers to enjoy the posts and continue to have these posts ‘shared’ again from the new pages and blogs the original shares are posted in. It’s essentially cyber advertising, FREE advertising.

When I realized how important all the sharing was, I made it a part of my blogging to hit ‘like’ if I enjoyed a post and click share on all the other social media buttons that I have accounts with if I felt a post was newsworthy and especially if I read about a promotion a fellow author was offering at the time to help spread the word for them. It doesn’t cost me anything to do those things and gives my followers who read my tweets, google page, linkedin or facebook, a chance to read something they may not have discovered or a book they may be interested in.

 

I think there may be a lot of bloggers who may be prolific writers but not so well-versed in the techniques of social media; I know I sure was at the beginning of my writing journey. I didn’t realize that when we click on share with twitter etc., that the post I had just read gets posted to my own accounts for others to view, enjoy and pass along. And so I wanted to share what I have learned along this path and perhaps make others aware of the importance of using the social share buttons at the end of our posts.

Now, don’t forget to share!

Words We Carry available now on Amazon!

Just a little post here to gratefully announce that in the midst of all my madness, I have managed to publish Words We Carry today! It is available on Amazon in digital form and I am expecting to have the paperback version available by week’s end, and of course I will keep you all posted.

In my newest book, Words We Carry, I have delved into my own issues of growing up with a low self-esteem and written about what spurs ourselves to self-criticize and become obsessed with things which all seem to stem from our younger experiences.

The book was written with a focus on women who endure low self-worth and in relaying my own issues and methods of overcoming, I hope to inspire others. I hope everyone can take something from my words and then of course, I look forward to your reviews.

You can find it on Amazon and read an excerpt!

For those of you who are not from the U.S., click this link and it will take you to the page of your country!

DODGING BULLETS

 

Recently I wrote a post about how I am inundated with publishing my latest book, and at the same time, selling my home. Along with keeping the house looking in a decluttered state and the ongoing cleaning, are the constant interruptions of my work because I have to keep leaving my home in order for people to view it sans owner. For those of you who have danced to this tune before, we all know how overwhelming this can all be, then let’s throw something else like death into the mix.

In the past week I have lost a dear acquaintance, a sister-in-law and a niece to cancer. Funerals abound. My own mother is living on days currently, and for those of you who have read my book, Conflicted Hearts, you can surely appreciate what I am dealing with on the guilt front. The day of reckoning is close for me. In this time of overwhelming emotions, I question, “What is going on in this world?” With the sorrow from those lost, I can’t help but feel we are living in a world of bullets, and each day we are all a statistic, dodging them, hoping our number in the lottery of life isn’t next.

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In a world of hurry up, we live and try to stay safe and healthy while trying to accomplish our daily tasks in life, trying not to focus on all the turmoil around us. Then someone near and dear to us dies and the world stops. Everything that seemed so dire in those moments, become secondary. How do we keep up with all the sadness when at times it seems like it’s all coming at once?

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In this world filled with uncertainty from Ebola to Isis, added to our personal struggles, I know I find myself having to take a step back from my corner and take a breath. Sometimes the gloom makes me feel as though we are all targets in some way. We do our best to stay safe and healthy, trying to fly under the radar, hoping that God may mark our doors with a “keep out” sign from grief and sickness. But in these moments, I’m feeling as though my cover has been lifted and I’m just as vulnerable as everyone else. How do we shake off these feelings that come at us?

Easily Connect with Authors and Readers with these 232 Hashtags! | Nicholas C. Rossis

 

Here’s an interesting post on the many uses for the #Hashtag on Nicholas Rossis blog. Lots of helpful hashtags to help show our links and tweets to the intended parties.

Easily Connect with Authors and Readers with these 232 Hashtags! | Nicholas C. Rossis.

September Author Interview Answer #4: How supportive is your family and friends in your writing career? | International Book Promotion

September Author Interview Answer #4: How supportive is your family and friends in your writing career? | International Book Promotion.

Part 4 of the memoir writer’s interview with myself and Linda Gray Sexton. International Book Promotion asked us about our different perspectives on what kind of support, if any, do we receive in regards to our writing.

How did you write that, Adam Henig? – How did you write that?

Adam Henig is the nonfiction historical author of Alex Haley’s Roots – An Author’s Odyssey. I reblogged this article about Adam’s process of writing and research and self-publishing journey he shared in an interview with Howdidyouwritethat.com. I would also like to thank Adam again for kindly mentioning my website in this wonderfully informative interview.

How did you write that, Adam Henig? – How did you write that?.

September Author Interview Answers #2 and #3: Why do you choose to write memoirs? | International Book Promotion

 

Today I am sharing question numbers 2 and 3 in the Memoir Author Interview. Click on the link below to read responses from myself and esteemed author Linda Gray Sexton.

 

September Author Interview Answer #2: Why do you choose to write memoirs? | International Book Promotion.

 

How was the support from your family when you first published your memoir? Click on the link below for answers in Interview #3

The Memoirs/Biography | International Book Promotion.