Faye McCray's Blog, page 8
July 12, 2014
Shonda Rhimes Dartmouth Commencement Speech
I saw this speech a few weeks ago and can barely find the words to articulate how deeply I identified with it. I'm not alone. It has been shared, tweeted and discussed by thousands. I'm putting it here for selfish reasons (so I can hug it and squeeze it and make it mine) but I am also putting it here for anyone with a dream. I hope you find the same inspiration I did. These past few months have taught me the value of opportunity, preparedness, individuality, and flexibility. Your dreams may not be turn out exactly how you anticipate but if you work hard - sometimes they turn out better than you ever imagined!
Love and Light,
Faye
June 12, 2014
Thinking of a Master Plan
When I was ten, my mom moved me to a better school across town. It was this swanky, Catholic school in a neighborhood with private streets and black nannies. I remember feeling like a cassette tape in a CD player. The kids looked different, they sounded different and definitely acted different. They were nice enough, and some remain my dear friends to this day. However, there were things about me I knew they'd never understand and by virtue of my being immersed in their neighborhood, everything about them that I didn't understand, I had to learn.
I took the Q60 to get there. A bus that ran along Queens Blvd in Queens. It began in South Jamaica and ended in Astoria, just outside of Manhattan. I lived on the Jamaica end, in a then predominately black middle class neighborhood, and my new school was in Forest Hills, a predominately white wealthy neighborhood somewhere in between. I remember sitting on that bus in my plaid, green school uniform and watching as the neighborhoods changed with each switch of the traffic lights. The colors changed, the music changed and even the air felt like it changed. I began my ride home, smelling garlic knots, sweet apricot Rugelach, and Kosher wine and ended it smelling fried chicken, spicy curries and Jamaican rum. It wasn't long before I changed with the traffic lights. Adapting my dialect to the changing faces of the bus riders. My musical tastes to the smell in the wind. My identity blurred. Back home I was Double Dutch and jellies. At school, I was Hopscotch and penny loafers.
I moved so seamlessly in both worlds that neither identity felt false (though inevitably someone in each group claimed it had to be). While there was an undeniable comfort and familiarity in being at home, there was freedom to gaining knowledge of things that were different. I remember the world feeling bigger than it had before. As if the universe could expand in every direction I chose to take and the only thing that would stop me was if I chose not to move.
I was Nirvana and Rakim.
Book smart and street smart.
....concrete and grass (the grass was on the Jamaica side, by the way).
I look back on that experience as my childhood fork in the road.
My mother wound me up and set me in a far away direction.
Even then I felt the shift. My life went from what it was to what it could be.
I'm not typically one to believe in the divine purpose of every single occurrence but I know that ride on the Q60 changed me. It sent me in a direction into adulthood I might not have otherwise taken.
My life has been filled with twists and turns recently. Sudden onsets of interests I didn't know I had. Passions I didn't know I could feel. Places I never thought I would go.
I can feel the shift.
It's not a difficult time but its complex.
I'm reflecting on my time on the Q60 and feeling confident it will only add to me.
Praying that I will raise my gaze on the next bus and maybe find new music in the wind.
Love and Light,
Faye
May 14, 2014
Celebrating Black Boys: My Love Project
This week, I did something remarkable for my soul. I established Celebrating Black Boys, a social media presence dedicated to the celebration of positive images of black boys.
It started as a Facebook group. In October 2013, with the government shutdown looming into perpetuity, I sat with my three-year-old son outside of our house in the warm fall breeze and wondered what the future had in store. He was fascinated by a worm that had emerged from our grass. He could stare at it all day, and all I could do was stare at him. In addition to my indefinite break from work, I had just removed him from his preschool. Despite only spending three weeks in his new three-year-old classroom, his teachers had unleashed on us a litany of “concerns” about his behavior. In an email from his teachers, they noted he was having trouble “pulling up his pants” after using the bathroom (he needed help with buttons), “sorting items into trash, compost and recycling,” “zipping his lunch box,” “staying behind the same person for the entire walking time,” and “doing an activity to completion.” As a result, they gave us a choice: have him evaluated by the state or remove him from the school.
He was 3 years and 2 months old.
He was also the only black boy in his class.
We removed him.
The decision did not come easy. My eldest son had just graduated from that very school. We trusted their input and diligently took heed of their criticism throughout the years, despite how many times it came up unfounded. With our little guy, however, it was different. He was so small, and they had only known him three weeks. How could they have made such sweeping assertions about his character in such a small window of time? And based on completely age- appropriate behaviors? How could they have decided his needs required professional intervention without even taking the time to know him?
(c) Matt Small So, I observed. I sat quietly in a corner of his classroom and watched. The boy I observed was not the son I recognized. He was shy, withdrawn, fearful and reluctant to interact with his teachers and peers. What was even more troubling was the hyper-vigilance with which his teachers seemed to treat him. If he so much as moved the wrong way, they were calling his name, correcting him, reprimanding him… meanwhile, other children talked out of turn, played with their shoelaces and fidgeted relentlessly, and it went completely unnoticed. It broke my heart. This was not the little boy who bounced through my home – verbal, eager to assert his independence and full of love and light. This was a child who was told he was a problem and had started to believe it. Even at three. In spite of all the love my husband and I had committed to giving him.
Sure, there were probably a litany of experiences and reasons those teachers targeted him. But whether they were conscious of it or not, race was one of them. This I know.
However, suddenly their reasons were the least of my concerns. I was more concerned with how he saw himself. I never wanted how someone else treated him to impact his sense of identity again. Watching him staring at the icky worm, I felt fiercely protective. I needed to protect his curiosity. His creativity. His intelligence. I needed to protect his self-worth. There was no limit to his abilities and the contributions he could make to this world. He needed to know that. He needed to know it so they next time someone tried to tell him differently, he would know they were liars.
I started the group with a heavy heart and tears in my eyes. I wanted to connect with other mommies and daddies who knew their brown children were remarkable. Mommies and Daddies who fought each and every day to make sure they remembered it…
I am back at work now, and he is in a school that is a MUCH better fit. However, I have no doubt my sons’ journeys to adulthood won't include more challenges. Celebrating Black Boys is for the love of black boys. It is for Trayvon, Jordan and Emmett. It is for my boys, my husband, my brothers, my cousins, and all the black boys and people who love them. It is to remind us all of who they are, who they can be. It is to counteract article after article of damaging statistics that do not have to be predictions of the future. It is to counteract every mug shot, suspect sketch, music video and reality show that denigrates the black male image and works as a vehicle of white supremacy. It is to serve as a forum for important discussions and a celebration of what is positive. So when you kiss your beautiful boy and tell him the sky is the limit, there is not a doubt in your mind that it is true.
And one more quick note, Celebrating Black Boys is not about the exclusion of black girls. As a proud black woman, I am invested in the well-being of black girls just as fiercely as I am in the well-being of black boys. I believe the missions are not mutually exclusive. Black boys are brothers, cousins and eventual fathers and uncles of black girls. It is crucial to the protection of black girls that we raise boys that make us proud. Boys who say no to violence, rape and disrespect of womanhood. Boys who recognize their importance and worth to their families. We all have something to gain from encouraging self-worth in black boys.
So check us out on:Facebook at Celebrating Black BoysTwitter @CBBoysandTumblr at celebratingblackboys.tumblr.com
Oh, and no worries, I'm still writing too :-).
Love and Light,
Faye
It started as a Facebook group. In October 2013, with the government shutdown looming into perpetuity, I sat with my three-year-old son outside of our house in the warm fall breeze and wondered what the future had in store. He was fascinated by a worm that had emerged from our grass. He could stare at it all day, and all I could do was stare at him. In addition to my indefinite break from work, I had just removed him from his preschool. Despite only spending three weeks in his new three-year-old classroom, his teachers had unleashed on us a litany of “concerns” about his behavior. In an email from his teachers, they noted he was having trouble “pulling up his pants” after using the bathroom (he needed help with buttons), “sorting items into trash, compost and recycling,” “zipping his lunch box,” “staying behind the same person for the entire walking time,” and “doing an activity to completion.” As a result, they gave us a choice: have him evaluated by the state or remove him from the school.
He was 3 years and 2 months old.
He was also the only black boy in his class.
We removed him.
The decision did not come easy. My eldest son had just graduated from that very school. We trusted their input and diligently took heed of their criticism throughout the years, despite how many times it came up unfounded. With our little guy, however, it was different. He was so small, and they had only known him three weeks. How could they have made such sweeping assertions about his character in such a small window of time? And based on completely age- appropriate behaviors? How could they have decided his needs required professional intervention without even taking the time to know him?
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(c) Matt Small So, I observed. I sat quietly in a corner of his classroom and watched. The boy I observed was not the son I recognized. He was shy, withdrawn, fearful and reluctant to interact with his teachers and peers. What was even more troubling was the hyper-vigilance with which his teachers seemed to treat him. If he so much as moved the wrong way, they were calling his name, correcting him, reprimanding him… meanwhile, other children talked out of turn, played with their shoelaces and fidgeted relentlessly, and it went completely unnoticed. It broke my heart. This was not the little boy who bounced through my home – verbal, eager to assert his independence and full of love and light. This was a child who was told he was a problem and had started to believe it. Even at three. In spite of all the love my husband and I had committed to giving him. Sure, there were probably a litany of experiences and reasons those teachers targeted him. But whether they were conscious of it or not, race was one of them. This I know.
However, suddenly their reasons were the least of my concerns. I was more concerned with how he saw himself. I never wanted how someone else treated him to impact his sense of identity again. Watching him staring at the icky worm, I felt fiercely protective. I needed to protect his curiosity. His creativity. His intelligence. I needed to protect his self-worth. There was no limit to his abilities and the contributions he could make to this world. He needed to know that. He needed to know it so they next time someone tried to tell him differently, he would know they were liars.
I started the group with a heavy heart and tears in my eyes. I wanted to connect with other mommies and daddies who knew their brown children were remarkable. Mommies and Daddies who fought each and every day to make sure they remembered it…
I am back at work now, and he is in a school that is a MUCH better fit. However, I have no doubt my sons’ journeys to adulthood won't include more challenges. Celebrating Black Boys is for the love of black boys. It is for Trayvon, Jordan and Emmett. It is for my boys, my husband, my brothers, my cousins, and all the black boys and people who love them. It is to remind us all of who they are, who they can be. It is to counteract article after article of damaging statistics that do not have to be predictions of the future. It is to counteract every mug shot, suspect sketch, music video and reality show that denigrates the black male image and works as a vehicle of white supremacy. It is to serve as a forum for important discussions and a celebration of what is positive. So when you kiss your beautiful boy and tell him the sky is the limit, there is not a doubt in your mind that it is true.
And one more quick note, Celebrating Black Boys is not about the exclusion of black girls. As a proud black woman, I am invested in the well-being of black girls just as fiercely as I am in the well-being of black boys. I believe the missions are not mutually exclusive. Black boys are brothers, cousins and eventual fathers and uncles of black girls. It is crucial to the protection of black girls that we raise boys that make us proud. Boys who say no to violence, rape and disrespect of womanhood. Boys who recognize their importance and worth to their families. We all have something to gain from encouraging self-worth in black boys.
So check us out on:Facebook at Celebrating Black BoysTwitter @CBBoysandTumblr at celebratingblackboys.tumblr.com
Oh, and no worries, I'm still writing too :-).
Love and Light,
Faye
April 27, 2014
Yearning
I am struggling to write a blog post lately.
It's not block (perish the thought) because I'm writing. I'm just not writing here.
I think the best writing is emotion driven. For me anyway. If something is weighing heavy on my mind, I feel flooded with words. It's like they all coming running to the door waving their little word-hands and screaming, "Write me! Write me!" I choose them carefully, and since I am primarily a fiction writer, most of them wear a disguise.
Knowledge. Vulnerability. Yearning. Freedom. Peace.
I would say these are central themes of my thirties. Acquiring knowledge and learning what I want. Knowing what I want and being vulnerable enough to admit it... and telling people as needed. Once I've admitted it and let it be known, yearning for it with every flutter of my soul and truth in my energy. And once I have it... once I am living life as it is intended... well...
I'll be free.
...and with freedom comes peace.
I think there is a little bit of that in all my writing these days. At varying stages.
My latest work is about yearning. The more I say the word. The more I love it. Say it out loud. It tastes bitter, with a possibility of sweet.
Nia Long, Love Jones
Merriam-Webster describes yearning as a tender or urgent longing.
I immediately conjure up images of a young woman sitting at a table in an empty room, her forehead nestled into the corner of her elbow, tears wetting the bare skin beneath her and her mind filled with images of something she wants more than her life. Something she wants so badly, she is finding it hard to function... hard to bring the right words to her lips. Hard to string together coherent thoughts.
The thing about yearning is, it can come in various forms. Is she dreaming of love, motherhood, her declining health, a deceased family member... a long overdue career change?
I haven't decided.
But she wants something. She needs something.
And as an artist, that desire is filled up and fed with possibility.
So, I'm writing. Just not here. But I promise I'll share it soon.
Love and Light,
Faye
It's not block (perish the thought) because I'm writing. I'm just not writing here.
I think the best writing is emotion driven. For me anyway. If something is weighing heavy on my mind, I feel flooded with words. It's like they all coming running to the door waving their little word-hands and screaming, "Write me! Write me!" I choose them carefully, and since I am primarily a fiction writer, most of them wear a disguise.
Knowledge. Vulnerability. Yearning. Freedom. Peace.
I would say these are central themes of my thirties. Acquiring knowledge and learning what I want. Knowing what I want and being vulnerable enough to admit it... and telling people as needed. Once I've admitted it and let it be known, yearning for it with every flutter of my soul and truth in my energy. And once I have it... once I am living life as it is intended... well...
I'll be free.
...and with freedom comes peace.
I think there is a little bit of that in all my writing these days. At varying stages.
My latest work is about yearning. The more I say the word. The more I love it. Say it out loud. It tastes bitter, with a possibility of sweet.
Nia Long, Love JonesMerriam-Webster describes yearning as a tender or urgent longing.
I immediately conjure up images of a young woman sitting at a table in an empty room, her forehead nestled into the corner of her elbow, tears wetting the bare skin beneath her and her mind filled with images of something she wants more than her life. Something she wants so badly, she is finding it hard to function... hard to bring the right words to her lips. Hard to string together coherent thoughts.
The thing about yearning is, it can come in various forms. Is she dreaming of love, motherhood, her declining health, a deceased family member... a long overdue career change?
I haven't decided.
But she wants something. She needs something.
And as an artist, that desire is filled up and fed with possibility.
So, I'm writing. Just not here. But I promise I'll share it soon.
Love and Light,
Faye
April 15, 2014
Next up...
Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the downloads, reviews, tweets and comments in support of Dani's Belts! What started as a Halloween project turned into a short story series and I am SO very proud of how it all turned out. For those of you who didn't read my interview with Graveyard Shift Sisters or get to the end of Black Belt, I am proud to say I am currently working on turning the series into a graphic novel! I am so excited to bring Dani, Rob, Michelle, Coral, Tubbs and the many eaters to life. I am also excited about continuing their stories. I will keep everyone posted on its progress.
While I am working on getting the graphic novel squared away, I will also be publishing a novella later this Spring. It is a departure from the horror genre. It is a nostalgic literary highlight reel of a short, obsessive relationship between a career driven young woman and a charismatic coffee shop barista. It's told in little vignettes. It is funny, sexy and a tad disturbing. I think you guys will really enjoy it.
I've had a few disappointments lately and some really awesome victories. I am filled with gratitude for everyone taking this journey with me. For everyone who keeps getting back up with me. Thanks for being gentle with all the pieces of me I've left across these here internets. Words and me go back. Like recliners and old men. Thanks for believing we have a future.
Love and Light,
Faye
While I am working on getting the graphic novel squared away, I will also be publishing a novella later this Spring. It is a departure from the horror genre. It is a nostalgic literary highlight reel of a short, obsessive relationship between a career driven young woman and a charismatic coffee shop barista. It's told in little vignettes. It is funny, sexy and a tad disturbing. I think you guys will really enjoy it.
I've had a few disappointments lately and some really awesome victories. I am filled with gratitude for everyone taking this journey with me. For everyone who keeps getting back up with me. Thanks for being gentle with all the pieces of me I've left across these here internets. Words and me go back. Like recliners and old men. Thanks for believing we have a future.
Love and Light,
Faye
April 8, 2014
Black Belt is LIVE!
After a few minor glitches, we are up and running! Special shout out to the Amazon team for their super fast response time. Thumbs up for Kindle Direct Publishing! So, without further ado...
Check out Black Belt!
When you're done, please click "Write a Review" and tell me your thoughts! I'm committed to this writer business, folks, and I value every syllable of your feedback!
Thanks to all those who have been following Dani's journey! It's been so much fun. Rest assured, it is not over for Dani. I am working hard on turning the series into a graphic novel. I promise to fill you in on more details later! For now... there is a pillow calling my name. More words later.
Love and Light,
Faye
Check out Black Belt!
When you're done, please click "Write a Review" and tell me your thoughts! I'm committed to this writer business, folks, and I value every syllable of your feedback!
Thanks to all those who have been following Dani's journey! It's been so much fun. Rest assured, it is not over for Dani. I am working hard on turning the series into a graphic novel. I promise to fill you in on more details later! For now... there is a pillow calling my name. More words later.
Love and Light,
Faye
April 7, 2014
And by tomorrow, I meant....
Tomorrow!
Sorry folks, I was a little delayed in uploading Black Belt to Kindle! It will be up in less than 12 hours which may still actually be today but it may not (all depends on the Amazon Digital Gods). Good news though. Orange Belt is still FREE today, April 7 through Wednesday, April 9 AND you can still enter to win FREE copies of both White Belt and Yellow Belt by entering HERE!
If that still doesn't make up for it, watch this... it always puts me in the forgiving mood.
Love and Light,
Faye
Sorry folks, I was a little delayed in uploading Black Belt to Kindle! It will be up in less than 12 hours which may still actually be today but it may not (all depends on the Amazon Digital Gods). Good news though. Orange Belt is still FREE today, April 7 through Wednesday, April 9 AND you can still enter to win FREE copies of both White Belt and Yellow Belt by entering HERE!
If that still doesn't make up for it, watch this... it always puts me in the forgiving mood.
Love and Light,
Faye
April 6, 2014
Black Belt COMING SOON and A GIVEAWAY!
The final installment in Dani's Belts, Black Belt is coming out tomorrow April 8!!!
In honor of it's debut, Orange Belt will be FREE April 7 through April 9! Also, you can enter to win here for FREE copies of White Belt and Yellow Belt! http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/31a3643/" rel="nofollow">a Rafflecopter giveaway
Winner Announced Wednesday, April 9!
Good luck!
Love and Light,
Faye
In honor of it's debut, Orange Belt will be FREE April 7 through April 9! Also, you can enter to win here for FREE copies of White Belt and Yellow Belt! http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/31a3643/" rel="nofollow">a Rafflecopter giveaway
Winner Announced Wednesday, April 9!
Good luck!
Love and Light,
Faye
Black Belt Tomorrow!
The final installment in Dani's Belts, Black Belt is coming out tomorrow!!!
In honor of it's debut, Orange Belt will be FREE April 7 through April 9! Also, you can enter to win here for FREE copies of White Belt and Yellow Belt! http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/31a3643/" rel="nofollow">a Rafflecopter giveaway
Winner Announced Wednesday, April 9!
Good luck!
Love and Light,
Faye
In honor of it's debut, Orange Belt will be FREE April 7 through April 9! Also, you can enter to win here for FREE copies of White Belt and Yellow Belt! http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/31a3643/" rel="nofollow">a Rafflecopter giveaway
Winner Announced Wednesday, April 9!
Good luck!
Love and Light,
Faye
April 2, 2014
A Dreamer's Pledge
Say it with me….
A Dreamer’s Pledge by Faye McCray© Faye McCray, 2014
I will fight to protect my dreams.I will keep getting back up.I will believe in myself when no one else does.I will keep getting back up.I will swallow criticism to the extent it makes me better.I will keep getting back up.I will improve.I will keep getting back up.I will grow.I will keep getting back up.I will be everything my children believe I am.I will keep getting back up.
I will succeed to prove the people who believe in me right, not to prove insignificant people wrong. I will keep getting back up.I will be inspired by greatness, not threatened by my own infancy.I will keep getting back up.I will act with gratitude, passion and greater purpose.I will keep getting back up.I will repel negativity.I will keep getting back up.For every step forward, I will reach my hand back.I will keep getting back upI will remain humble and kind.I will keep getting back up.I will not settle.I will keep getting back up.I will be present in my journey, struggle and pain.I will keep getting back up.I will stay true to myself.I will keep getting back up.
Love and light, Faye
A Dreamer’s Pledge by Faye McCray© Faye McCray, 2014
I will fight to protect my dreams.I will keep getting back up.I will believe in myself when no one else does.I will keep getting back up.I will swallow criticism to the extent it makes me better.I will keep getting back up.I will improve.I will keep getting back up.I will grow.I will keep getting back up.I will be everything my children believe I am.I will keep getting back up.
I will succeed to prove the people who believe in me right, not to prove insignificant people wrong. I will keep getting back up.I will be inspired by greatness, not threatened by my own infancy.I will keep getting back up.I will act with gratitude, passion and greater purpose.I will keep getting back up.I will repel negativity.I will keep getting back up.For every step forward, I will reach my hand back.I will keep getting back upI will remain humble and kind.I will keep getting back up.I will not settle.I will keep getting back up.I will be present in my journey, struggle and pain.I will keep getting back up.I will stay true to myself.I will keep getting back up.
Love and light, Faye
