Faye McCray's Blog, page 3

Hey! It's Faye!

Hey, hey it's Faye!

Thanks for visiting. This website is in a period of transition but there are still lots of yummy goodies abound! Click the ABOUT tab for more information on me, my PORTFOLIO tab for a list of my published work and the WORKSHOPS & APPEARANCES tab for, well, my workshops and appearances.  You can also scroll through my archives for a ton of witty blog posts about my life as a writer/lawyer/wife/momofthree.

For inquiries, you can reach me at faye[at]fayemccray[dot]com. I play well with others and some would even say I have a flare for writing!

Be a good human.

Love and Light,
Faye

28 years, 28 lessons

Four years ago today, I woke up with my face smushed inside my elbow on my mother’s light oak kitchen table in Queens wondering if the previous ten hours had been a dream.  My head hurt and old tears stained my face.  There was a knock at the door.  I wiped the residues of my hour of sleep from the corners of my mouth and answered.  My aunt had bagels and my older brother was still gone.  My brother, Tommy and I on a family vacation in Mystic, CT in 1987.

My brother, Tommy died on October 22, 2009. He lived 38 years, 4 months, 22 days and 3 ½ hours.  I was born when he was 10 years old.  Here is what I learned from the 28 years I witnessed his life. 1.       Remain amused.  No matter what you may go through… no matter how hard life tries to break you down or what someone else might say or do to make you stumble, put it in perspective and find the humor. Tommy could have patented his signature smirk.  He was always in on the joke so he always won.2.       Never let a freshman take yo’ spot.  This lesson was also taught by Sidra from Love and Basketball.  My brother was the baby for ten years before I was born.  If I was going to out-cute him, out-smart him, or out-sweet him, I had to work for it.  Always make them work for it.3.       Gloat when necessary.  Even when beating your seven-year-old kid sister in Street Fighter, gloat.  Enjoy every win.  You earned it.  Just be prepared for the blow back. 4.       Never trust a big butt and a smile.  Literally. This one is tucked away to use with my sons one day. Know the difference between the brain between your legs and the one in your head.  Act accordingly.5.       Never beg someone to love you.  Loving you and being loved by you is a privilege.  I’ll never forget crying my eyes out after finding out an ex-boyfriend was cheating on me.  I wondered if I should forgive him and take him back.  Tommy looked me square in the eyes and said, “You’re my sister, don’t be desperate.”  Ha. He was right. 6.       Get it. Even when no one else does.  Especially when no one else does.  Understanding the subtext is often more important than understanding what is actually being said.7.       Love is an action.  Tommy never told me he loved me but he sat with me when I was afraid of the dark, brought me milk when I cried, and made all my battles his battles.8.       It’s always sunglass weather. Tommy’s shades were almost as signature as his smirk.9.       Listen more than you speak.  I remember Tommy’s quiet observance more than I remember his words. When he spoke, (most times) it mattered.10.   PRINCE is EVERYTHING.  If you don’t know, ask someone.11.   Always check on kids who are alone in a basement.  I’ll just let you use your imagination on that one. 12.   Dowhatyoulike.  If you’d rather sing to Frank Sinatra than dance to the latest hip hop single, do it.  Put your own smile on your face. Ultimately, you hold the key to your happiness.  No one else does.13.   Flirt shamelessly.  There are far too many good-looking people in this world not to.  Just remain mindful of boundaries.14.   Drive fast with the windows down and music playing.  Ride a note and feel weightless… but don’t hit pedestrians.15.   Pose in the mirror. Because you are fucking sexy at every angle.16.   Don’t always pick up your phone.  Most times, it can wait. Sometimes it is better to let your own voice be the only voice in your head.17.   Believe in the impossible. Because nothing is.18.   Show up.  Always be there when it matters.  Every time I needed my brother there, he was.  From moving me into my first apartment, to wheeling me up to NICU after an emergency C-section to see my son after he was born,  to driving to Virginia to pick me up when I just needed to get home.  He always showed up, even when I didn’t ask. 19.   Protect your space.  Not everyone is worthy of coming into your space.  Your home is your sanctuary. Discriminate. 20.   Be a hero… within limits. Tommy was a Detective with the NYPD.  He was a 9/11 first responder and saved countless lives during his 19 years as a police officer.  He acted on instinct not impulse. 21.   Ask questions; doubt the answers.  You’ve been lied to.  Never stop wondering why.22.   Never stop believing in love. It’s what we are here for. 23.   Love your parents without condition.  Their humanity is no less stainless than your own.  Don’t be naïve but forgive their sins.  They gave you life.24.   Childhood is precious. Protect yours, protect others.25.   Get lost in the sky.  Be quiet and look up.  You will feel large, small, significant, and insignificant all at the same time.  It’s magic.26.   Guard your health.  If you have reason to question your health, go see a doctor. 27.   There is never enough time. Don’t hold grudges.  Don’t put it off. Remain present and regret nothing. Make the journey count more than the destination.28.   Everyone dies.  So get to living.

My eldest brother, Marc (on the right) and Tommy and I hugging after their big brother speech at my wedding in 2006.

 

Virgin in Harlem

For the first time in my life, I feel like I am on the path to becoming all I've always wanted to be.  It hasn't come easy. It has taken so much work, including constant self-talk validating that I am good enough to live the life I have always dreamed of living. A few years ago, I wrote a poem about my journey.  It took me back to a time when I was a little girl in Queens, standing awkwardly beside my mother in moss green uniform tights and uneven box braids watching a couple walk through the streets of Harlem surrounded by light. The poem, titled Virgin in Harlem, was accepted for publication in a local literary magazine, The Little Patuxent Review. I read it at the launch earlier this month.  You can purchase a copy of the publication here. You can also see my reading of Virgin in Harlem at the LPR summer launch below. You guys... I was in such insanely dope company.  It is definitely worth the purchase.  Big thank you to the folks at LPR for having me. I'm so humbled and honored.


Love and Light,
 Faye

Everyone's a Saint When They're Dead

It's true...
And I wrote a play about it! The one act play is about a family dealing with the aftermath of a key members death.  It was inspired by "Enough" a Drumetry piece written by Dorothy "Drum Dr. Dot" Adamson Holley.
Check out my full play, Drum Dr. Dot’s Drumetry performance and our Q&A here: https://www.facebook.com/fayewrites/videos/1386345641465240/UzpfSTg5MTAzOTg6MTAxMDE5OTIwMjM3NjAzMDA/. 
Also, check out my handsome hubby brilliantly playing the role of Robby.

Here are few shots of Drum Dr. Dot and I :-)



Love and Light, 
Faye

An Open Letter to My Beautiful Brown Son for Mother's Day

Hey there folks! I am so pleased to share an open letter I wrote to my son is in the Huffington Post.






It was such a beautiful Mother's Day gift to see the letter in print! I poured my heart and soul into these words and fully intend to share it with all my boys when they are old enough to listen.  I hope you feel the love I felt writing it. 

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mommies!

Click HERE to read the letter.


Love and Light,
Faye

I wrote a play!

Guess who wrote a play?

Me!


I had the wonderful opportunity to participate in Try it Out Theater, a community theater in my county that takes a chance on new playwrights. I never even thought of writing a play but after visiting a show in March, the owner challenged me to write a play. I did and it was an amazing experience. Below is a clip of my play and the Q&A.  The actors did a wonderful job and I learned so much from the director.  In fact, I loved it so much, I am working on another one for the June production!






Love and Light,
Faye

Root Studio Open Mic Performance

I had such a blast at the Root Studio's inaugural Open Mic night.  Special thanks to all those who attended and performed.  There is something affirming about spending an evening surrounded by artistry.  I felt so inspired! Below is my full open mic performance of my original piece "Darling" which I dedicated to my husband (in a total Love Jones moment - major brownie points for me). If you are in the DC Baltimore Metro Area visit https://www.therootstudio.org/ for more info on this beautiful space!


Love and Light, 
Faye

It's 2018! Check Out My Latest Vlog!

Happy New Year, Everyone!

Can you believe it's 2018? So much is going on in the first month of January! I hope you or your child can join me at one of my many events and workshops.  Check out the video below for more details:


Go to "Workshops & Appearances" in the menu above for more details!
As always, if you want tips on inspiring creativity in your child, visit www.weemagine.com.
Love and Light, 
Faye

To Baby Girl (on day one of your marriage and year twelve of mine)

Here is a piece I wrote for class this week in honor of a close family member's upcoming wedding. Enjoy and... you know, be kind and what not....




To Baby Girl (on day one of your marriage and year twelve of mine),
It’s hard to know what to say.  Advice is such a personal gift to give, and I don’t really know if mine will fit you.  I know you, of course.  Since you had uneven pigtails in your hair and zig-zag parts. Before that, when your mom brought you home and your skin was red and wrinkly and I thought you were my new doll. Remember when you told us you were an actress at 5? We all gathered around the television to watch you in your first department store commercial.  You were the cutest little brown thing with a swirls of ebony curls. You were supposed to be pretending to wait for Santa to come down the chimney.  You leaned forward into the fireplace to look inside and said, “He’s too fat” and your Grandma hooted and hollered like you’d win an Oscar for that one line.  We must have rewound it 1000 times until the VHS tape broke.  I knew then – you’d make a space in the world and you’d expect everything around you to fall in place. 
When he told your grandma he was going to ask to marry you, I already knew you’d say yes. I suppose he did too.  When you called to tell me, it wasn’t to gush, it was to tell me what would come next.  There would be a house and babies and jobs in the city.  When we got off the phone, I laughed, baby girl. I was excited for the future you’d live and I prayed you’d have the patience to live it.
I was so different from you. I hadn’t really thought about marriage or seen myself as someone’s wife. I was always my own and planned to stay that way. I was a baby when I came down with loving him. Just barely 22. On our first date, he played me a song he liked and held me to him as we moved in my studio apartment.  He let me unload my dreams, and I, his fears and we cried until we felt better and we laughed until it hurt. We’d lay naked with our long limbs dangling off my full size bed and dreamt out loud a future that felt like promises.  We’d make love everyday, we’d have perfect babies, and live in one of those houses off Connecticut Avenue with the wrap around porches and impossibly large trees.  He’d be better than his father and I’d believe him in spite of mine, and we’d never settle for anything less than that feeling.  R&B songs in the dark and salty popcorn kisses on my Ikea couch.  I remember feeling free in his space.  My funny boy from North Carolina.  Do you feel that way too? We skipped down the isle less than three years later two months before we took the bar. Jumping in grown up clothes and excited about the future we’d create. We gazed at our rings in the dark on our honeymoon. We watched the gold shine and dull in the moonlight and bounce in the ocean outside our hotel window. Forever, we whispered. Forever, and ever, and ever.
But big spaces tend to get small when you keep growing.  And baby girl, you have to know, you will keep growing.  Even if you chose to ignore it for awhile, if he loves, he will call you on it and you will do the same and those expectations will fly like razors around you.  They will cut you and you will bleed and you will blame him and it will be his fault. It’s hard to hold on with that kind carnage. But one of you will have to reach out and the other one will have to reach back, even if just to touch fingertips and take deep breaths with therapists in Virginia and say things like, “I feel…” with therapists in New York and write ridiculous letters to each other when you’re angry that start, “I felt sad when you let your mother criticize my chicken…”
Because despite what they say, although marriage is tough, life, baby girl, is tougher.  And although my story is my own, I know this to be true.
Sometimes the future doesn’t go as you promised yourself.  Sometimes you don’t become the first black Supreme Court Judge and he doesn’t become the first black Warren Buffet.  Sometimes the perfect babies grow ill, and so does he and so do you.  And he sees you without your extensions and your lashes and kisses your tear-stained face and inhales your vomit breath and tells you he loves you and gently reminds you to take a shower.   Sometimes you lose the perfect baby growing in your belly.  Sometimes you will need you to hold him in the dark after he buries his father. And sometimes you will need him to do the same when you cry tears for your own.  And then…
On those days, you will need the sanctuary you once created.  Before the planning began and the dreams that felt like promises. When you kissed him that first time, and his lips tasted like chap stick and his breath smelled like breath mints and you knew he had prepared. When you curled up together for the first time on your full size bed.  When the air was thin and your burdens floated because they had yet to grow heavy enough to fall. When you held hands and your rings shined and dulled in the moonlight.  R&B songs in the dark and salty popcorn kisses on your couch.

Love and Light, 
Faye

Creative Writing Workshops For Kids

Do you live in the D.C. or Baltimore Metropolitan Area and have a child who loves to write?  I teach workshops for young storytellers in and around Maryland!

Before I get into the when (but if you want to skip to that, feel free to scroll down), here is the why:
Why I WriteI was not the most popular kid in school. At 10 years old, I was already over five feet tall, and I wore a size 10 shoe. I was awkward. I didn’t know how to do the most popular dance moves and most days, I would prefer to be underneath a big blanket with my head buried in a book.It wasn’t until 6th grade when my homeroom teacher, Mr. D introduced a unit on fiction, that I found my place. Mr. D spent months allowing us to explore different genres of writing and perform in showcases. I had been writing stories since I was six years old. However, up until that point, those creations were secrets in my notebook. They were people and worlds I created that were usually spawned from long city bus rides and from just being a kid in an adult world. What Mr. D gave me was the opportunity to share those stories and those worlds with my peers. The bigger gift was finding out I wasn’t the only one! I didn't have the opportunity to explore my creativity again until college. I attained a Bachelor’s Degree in English and took every creative writing class I could find! I went on to law school and practiced in New York, Washington and Baltimore. However, throughout my legal career, after I got married, and even after becoming a mother to three beautiful children, I kept going back to the writing. Writing never failed to bring me peace and make sense of the ever-evolving and often confusing world. While working full-time, I became a published author and essayist and went back to school to pursue my Master’s Degree in Writing.Why I Teach I often wonder how the trajectory of my life might have changed if I had been given more space to explore my creativity as a child. Maybe the angst of my teenage years would have been easier. Maybe I would have explored a more creative career path straight out of college. These are musings that have compelled me to give the same gift Mr. D gave me. Unlike Mr. D, I am not a teacher. I am a writer. I love the craft, and respect the young writers as artists. In my workshops, young writers explore different styles and genres using visual and written prompts to spark their imaginations. I approach teaching as a collaborative process. In other words, all workshop participants are both teachers and students. We learn to read each other's work critically to determine what works and what doesn't. Participants learn to not only trust their creative process but how to edit to make sure their writing is clear to their readers. Whether a child's ultimate goal is to just try writing fiction, submit a story for a competition, or become a published author, workshops are a great place to get started! My goal is to unlock your child's love of writing and encourage him/her to reach their creative potential.
If any of this sounds familiar for your child or a child you know, join me at one of my upcoming creative writing workshops. Help your child explore all they are destined to be!
For more info, click HERE or click on Upcoming Appearances & Events above for my upcoming workshops and events.

Love and Light, 
Faye