Matt Fradd's Blog, page 20

Why Young Men Need Adventures

Throughout history, young men have craved adventure. Whether setting sail over uncharted waters or climbing the world’s highest peaks, they’ve sought to prove themselves by achieving something.

Modern-day young men have adventurous hearts, but we see so many who feel like they can’t do anything and that there’s no point in even trying. They’re coasting through life with no ambition, no energy, and no purpose.

Adventure is important for the formation of young men, especially if they’re not yet married and don’t have dependents. Here’s why.

Adventure teaches you to take risks.
You probably have big dreams about your future. Yet most good things in life don’t come without risk. Take, for example, a man interested in a woman. You’re never going to win her heart unless you risk rejection and exposing your weaknesses.

Going on adventures teaches you how to embrace risk. If you’re young and single, use this time to take as many as you can. Follow what your heart tells you, whether it’s taking a job you’re not sure you’re qualified for, going on a mission trip overseas, or moving across the country.

Through these experiences, you’ll be better prepared to succeed in your future vocation.

It teaches you how to make sacrifices.
Fulfilling your dreams not only requires taking risks, but also making sacrifices. All good things come with at least a bit of pain.

A camping expedition in the wilderness trains you to live without the comforts of home. Living in a different city forces you to get to know new people and adopt new habits.

It expands your horizons.
Some men dream big, but others don’t dream at all. Their vision is limited and so are their lives.

You’re capable of so much more than you think. By jumping into adventures, you’ll discover things about yourself that you never knew before.

This is often the case with vocations. Many priests and religious never dreamed of living their current life when they were young. But by going on certain adventures — such as mission trips — they found their calling.

It gives you humility.
There’s a false humility that keeps young men from reaching their full potential. The reason why you don’t need to fear adventure is that you will learn humility in the end. It could be that your new job doesn’t work out or you fumble in an outdoor survival class, but that’s okay. You’ll be better equipped for the next adventure.

The best kind of humility doesn’t keep you cowering in the corner. It comes from lived experiences and dealing with the challenges of life.

Young men, what say ye? Consider us to be Gandalf knocking on the door of your safe, cozy home and inviting you on an adventure. If you agree, you’ll return a different — and much better — hobbit.

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Fight Fairly With Your Spouse

“There is, hidden or flaunted, a sword between the sexes till an entire marriage reconciles them,” said C.S. Lewis. Marriage is a battlefield. Even happy couples who preserve their love for each other have moments of conflict.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. God brought you and your spouse together, so you could help each other get to heaven. But both of you are wounded by sin. Mutual aid means working through conflicting desires, selfishness, and hurt.

Of course, conflict can destroy a marriage if left unchecked. However, if managed well, it can help you and your spouse grow closer together.

Here are some tips for making this happen.

Know yourself.
The more you and your spouse understand about yourselves — especially your wounds and baggage — the more you understand your angry reactions. When you fight, these wounds rub against each other.

Early in the marriage, you may not know why your spouse is reacting the way they are. As time passes and you grow together, you’ll learn to identify the wounds that trigger the anger and disagreements. Be sensitive so you can become more empathetic to your spouse’s suffering.

Fight to become a better couple.
What are your motives for fighting with your spouse? Is it to tear them down? If so, your battle will end in misery.

Instead, fight to help you and your spouse become better people. And make it a fight fair.

At times like these, it’s natural to be defensive. You feel attacked and react to that. If you’re too wound up to argue in a healthy way at that moment, ask for time to calm down. Then you’ll both be ready to have a more constructive conversation.

If possible, call a friend who thinks highly of your spouse.
Consider talking to someone who you know will take your spouse’s side. Never take advice from anyone who will throw your significant other under the bus.

It can be especially helpful if that person shares your spouse’s temperament. Why? Because while you think you’re saying one thing to your spouse, they may have interpreted your words in a totally different light. Talking to someone with similar traits can help you better understand your spouse’s mind and heart.

Every fair fight should end with reconciliation. It may not happen right away, but it should be sooner rather than later. (“Do not let the sun go down on your anger,” Eph. 4:26.) You will find your marriage strengthened and better able to withstand future challenges.

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Should You Date and Discern Religious Life at the Same Time?

Saying “yes” to a vocation is one of the most consequential decisions a person can make. That’s because God calls each of us to a particular state of life, whether marriage, the priesthood, religious life, or the lay consecrated life. Our personal fulfillment is closely tied to our vocations.

Many Catholics feel anxious about discerning their vocations. They want to follow God’s will but don’t know how to identify it. They may also feel torn between two vocations, such as marriage and religious life.

Can someone actively discern two vocations at the same time? Maybe you’re already dating someone, yet you also want to explore religious life.

Here are some points to keep in mind if you’re “double-discerning.” (We’ll focus on marriage versus religious life, but the following also applies to the priesthood.)

It’s natural to feel torn between two states of life.
Just because you’re attracted to a certain state of life doesn’t mean you’re called to it. Those called to religious life may still feel the tug of domestic bliss. And if you’re a devout person called to marriage, you may still look at a monk or nun and wish you could share in their way of life.

The bottom line is, don’t feel anxious if you feel your heart pulled in different directions. That’s normal.

You cannot walk two paths at once.
If you do, you will split yourself in two. You can’t discern marriage with a particular person and life with a religious order at the same time.

If you’re dating and feel conflicted, take a break to figure out which path is best for you. But don’t linger! If your significant other promises to wait for your answer, you owe it to them — and yourself — to make a decision soon.

Listen for a “noise” from God.
If you heard a loud bang outside your window at night, you’d feel obligated to find out what it was. Sometimes the Lord makes a big “noise” in our lives to show us which path to take. It could be bumping into a person you’re meant to marry or encountering a religious community that makes you go, “Aha! THIS is what I’ve been looking for!”

It’s not always easy to tell if the “noise” in your life comes from God or your imagination. Consider speaking with a spiritual director to sort it all out.

Examine your fears.
When discerning, you want to pay attention to what draws you to a certain vocation and verify whether fear is keeping you from answering God’s call.

Some people called to religious life are afraid to enter because they’re worried they won’t be happy without married intimacy. Some who are called to marriage shy away from it because they don’t want to reveal their insecurities and weaknesses to their spouse.

But God never calls you to something without giving you everything you need to succeed. Trust in Him!

You’ll sometimes hear spiritual directors talk about “discerning to death.” It’s good to spend time thinking about your future, but there comes a time when you have to act.

Pray, talk to wise spiritual friends, and make your choice. God will take care of the rest.

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Should Catholics Be Concerned About Obesity?

Obesity is a sensitive topic. Sadly, there is a long history of people demeaning obese individuals. Then there are others who claim that we should not talk about the health risks of obesity so as not to offend anyone.

What’s a Catholic to think?

Your personal worth is not tied to what others think about your appearance.
This is a no-brainer for some, but others need to hear it. Being obese may not be healthy, but it in no way diminishes your dignity as a beloved child of God. Your goal in life is not to please the world, but to live your life for God.

Being charitable doesn’t mean ignoring the health risks of obesity.
Charity calls you to honor the dignity of everyone. But it doesn’t mean you can’t lovingly point out the risks of certain conditions, especially if some are trying to normalize them.

Scientific studies have clearly demonstrated that obesity is linked to diabetes and other health problems. And even if the obese person is young and healthy, the negative effects will eventually catch up with them.

There are ways to take control of your weight.
1. Change your mindset.
There’s no getting around it. To lose weight, you need to eat less and move more. There’s no magic pill. Discipline, sacrifice, and changing your mindset will yield the results you want.

Is it difficult? Of course. But as Catholics, we know that Christ calls us to take up our crosses each day. It can be hard to change your diet, but all suffering is meritorious if offered up to Christ.

2. Confront your trauma.
If your obesity is rooted in trauma, you need to acknowledge and confront that. Seek healing through counseling, spiritual direction, and prayer. Hormonal issues and disordered eating can also lead to excessive eating.

3. Start with small steps.
Some people decide they want to be healthier and then jump into extreme practices.
A better long-term plan is to take incremental steps and succeed, rather than radical leaps and fail.

For example, you can start by taking breaks from your computer, getting up and pacing around the house for a bit. Or walking to the grocery store down the street instead of driving there.

God wants us to be healthy. It can be a struggle and not everyone should be expected to adopt these practices to the same degree. But it’s worth it if we are happier and healthier in the end.

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Should You Spank Your Child?

To spank, or not to spank. That is a question parents often agonize over and decide based on how they were raised.

We’re not going to give an absolute “yes” or “no” because spanking involves a ton of contingencies. We will offer some reasons for thinking twice before doing it.

It’s easier for spanking to go wrong than right.
Children should be taught that actions have consequences. But any consequences you dole out should be motivated by a genuine desire to help children develop good character.

Oftentimes parents use spanking as an outlet for their anger, anxiety, or fear. There’s a better path. Be aware of your child’s emotional state. If they’re not in a place to hear you correct them, follow instructions, or apologize to a sibling, spanking probably won’t help.

Consider the alternatives.
All children are different, so no single method of discipline works with everyone in every scenario. But talking to a child in a way that meets them where they are in the moment goes a long way. So does removing them from the scene for a cool-down period.

Model the behaviors you want to see.
Your children watch everything you do and will eventually copy many of your behaviors. You may be undermining yourself if you tell your child not to hit their brother and then proceed to spank them. Don’t assume the child will consider the difference between a sibling relationship and a parent-child relationship. Model the behavior you want to see, including asking for forgiveness.

Let the motive dictate the response.
Children have different motives for behaving badly. In the heat of your anger, it can be easy to assume that your child is misbehaving simply to make you mad.

But many things can cause a child to misbehave, including hunger and tiredness. They just may need a cuddle to feel better.

The key to all of this is letting love inform your act of discipline. Pray to God for guidance so that His fatherly love — which corrects us when we go astray — can be reflected in you as a parent.

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Why Jesus Didn’t Need to Be Redeemed

Having existed for two millennia, the Church has a well-defined Christology (teachings about the identity and mission of Christ). Sometimes Catholics are confused about their meanings and this is understandable. Many preachers are reluctant to discuss the finer points of theology from the pulpit.

One confusing aspect is whether Jesus needed to be redeemed. He did not. Let’s explore why.

Jesus lived His human life for our salvation, not His.
Jesus became man for our sake. Through His passion, death, and resurrection, He conquered sin and death and opened the gates of heaven to the elect.

In Catholic thought, redemption refers to “buying back” or “ransoming” us from sin and death. We are the ransomed and Christ is the price paid for us.

We need to be ransomed because of the three results of sin: the fault of sin, which wounds us and our relationships; the servitude sin submits us to; and the temporal and eternal punishment due to sin.

Some people treat redemption as if the devil needed payment from God for us to return to the Father. That’s not correct. Why? First, God didn’t need to become man to save us. He could have chosen another way. Second, the devil only has power over us insofar as it is conceded to him by God. God allows us to be tested, so that we may grow in virtue and come to the fullness of love.

God chose to pay the ultimate price through Christ because He saw it as the most fitting way to save us. By dying, Jesus revealed a richer justice, mercy, and love than if He simply pardoned us for our sins. How great our dignity must be if God freely chose to suffer for us.

Jesus didn’t need redemption because He is God. And even though He took on human flesh, He is still a divine person and in full possession of His divine nature.

Christ became like one of us in all things except those incompatible with His divinity. Even though He assumed some of the defects of human nature that are the result of sin (such as hunger and thirst), He did not assume sin. Sin is any thought, word, or deed contrary to the eternal law. But Christ is the eternal law! Therefore, sin would involve Him contradicting His own nature.

Sin also involves turning away from God. As the Second Person of the Trinity, Jesus always sees the Father, even in His human nature.

In a sense, Jesus was redeemed.
In the Gospel of Luke, we read of the child Jesus being taken to the Temple to be presented to the Lord in accordance with Jewish law. There is a sense in which this event is a redemption, at least according to the Jewish meaning of the word.

In the Old Testament, “redemption” is associated with the Israelites’ liberation from slavery in Egypt. The Jewish people commemorate this great event with many rites, including redemption.

The redemption ceremony in first-century Judaism unfolded like this: The father would take the child to a Levitical priest. The priest would say, “Do you claim this child as your own?” The father would respond, “Yes, I do.” The priest would then require the father to pay money that would “redeem” the child for the father. This is recognition that the child ultimately belongs to God and that He entrusts the child’s care to the family.

Because Jesus was born into a Jewish family, He underwent the redemption rite. So in this sense, He can be said to have been redeemed.

Note: Jesus didn’t need to go through this rite because He is God and has a perfect relationship with the Father. But He saw it fitting to fulfill the precepts of the Old Law, as He transformed them into those of the New Law.

Our Lord is not lost with the lost. He came to seek the lost. He doesn’t need to be redeemed like you and I do.

This Lent, let’s work on taking our own redemption more seriously.

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This Philosophy Had a Huge Influence on John Paul II

Pope St. John Paul II is known as the “Philosopher Pope.” His writings show he was influenced by St. Thomas Aquinas, as many popes were, but other philosophical strands also shaped his thinking. One of the most important was phenomenology.

Let’s dig deeper into this school of thought.

What is phenomenology?
There are many threads of phenomenology and phenomenologists don’t all agree on everything. This makes it hard to give one all-encompassing definition.

A good starting point is to define phenomenology as the “study of phenomena.” Phenomena are the elements of our experience. This includes everything from romantic love to simply noticing a coffee cup sitting in front of you.

According to the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, phenomenology “studies conscious experience as experienced from the subjective or first-person point of view.” The goal is to give us a picture of reality at its most refined, comprehensive, and clear. It’s a way to return to the things themselves as we experience them and not leave anything behind.

Why is phenomenology important?
Many philosophers focused too much on our inner thoughts and not enough on the outside world. Some of them even treated the outside world as merely a figment of our imagination. For them, we are constantly imposing our thoughts on the outside world, rather than being informed by it.

Unlike some of these other philosophies, phenomenology places great importance on everything outside our mind. It’s interested in the intersection between this outside world and our consciousness of it and the meaning we derive from it. The study then attempts to describe the experience without imposing too many preconceived notions.

What was phenomenology’s influence on Pope St. John Paul II?
We should start by mentioning that John Paul II didn’t adopt every aspect of phenomenological thought. Not all phenomenologists were Catholic and the pope made sure the ideas he embraced were compatible with the faith.

We can see the influence of phenomenology in many of the pope’s thoughts, including his teachings on sex and gender. If you’ve read his works on this subject, you were perhaps surprised at how accurate and illuminating they were. He counseled many married couples and was very attentive to the experiences they had. Rather than imposing a theoretical view of sex and gender, he sought to illuminate their experiences through God’s revelation.

The Church has long held the philosophy of St. Thomas Aquinas in high esteem and rightly so. Pope St. John Paul II helped demonstrate that aspects of phenomenology are not contrary to Aquinas and Church teaching. Rather, they enrich them. The ultimate proof of the value of phenomenological thought for Catholics is the rich body of writings the pope left behind — writings rarely equaled in papal history for their depth and beauty.

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Just Go on That Date

Catholics are used to behaving counterculturally. This is especially true with dating, which we believe is ultimately about finding someone to marry. This stands in stark contrast to mainstream dating, where many people merely hook up or become “friends with benefits.”

Some Catholics go to the opposite extreme and think they can’t go out with someone unless they can envision marrying them.

Here are some tips for a better approach to dating.

It’s fine to date someone because they’re fun.
If you meet someone who is fun and attractive, then by all means go on a date. And enjoy yourself!

While marriage should be the end goal, you won’t know whether someone is spouse material until you date them. So don’t overthink things. It usually takes many dates to know if two people are a good match. And if you keep having fun, that’s a positive.

Don’t expect a sign from God.
You may have heard spiritual directors use the phrase “discern something to death.” While you should definitely ask for God’s guidance, know that He won’t give you a clear sign about whom you should date. There’ll be no halo over their head or doves alighting upon their shoulders.

If you wait for an unmistakable sign, you’ll be single forever. Instead, pray to God, get advice from a spiritual director if you have one, and go on that date!

Clearly communicate that you’re asking for a date.
Some guys — usually out of nervousness — ask a woman if she wants to hang out. Fellas, she can read between the lines. She’ll likely know you’re interested and she may perceive you as weak for not having the guts to say the word “date.”

Be clear about your intentions and call it what it is. Women don’t like being left in the dark.

To all the single people reading this: It’s time for action. Is there someone you’re interested in, but you’re holding back because you’re not sure they’re the one? If so, stop waiting around. Ask them on a date.

God will guide you, but you have to take action.

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Don’t Say This About the Shroud of Turin

The Shroud of Turin is a linen cloth that purportedly served as the burial cloth of Christ. The image of Christ on the shroud is thought by many Christians to have been miraculously put there by our Lord Himself. Scientists have tried to find natural explanations for this, but have come up short.

The Church does not require you to believe that the Shroud is the burial cloth. Still, a lot of evidence points that way. Scientists have studied everything from whether the image could be a painting to the presence of pollen native to the Jerusalem area. Some findings substantiate the claim that the Shroud really enwrapped Christ’s body and that the image is miraculous.

Some Christians go too far and promote theories that don’t have enough support yet. By doing so, they invite the ridicule of unbelievers, who are quick to undermine their claims.

One popular theory to support the Shroud’s authenticity is the supposed image of ancient coins over our Lord’s eyes. Let’s dig a bit more into this theory to see if it’s credible.

 

 

Why people say there are coins over the eyes of the image of Christ
If you zoom in on the eyes of the Shroud, you see what looks like letters. Some people note that these letters match early first-century coins minted by Rome. Of course, the Roman empire ruled Palestine during the time of Jesus and Roman soldiers participated in Christ’s crucifixion.

People point to these first-century coins as evidence that the Shroud goes back to the time when Jesus died. They corroborate this claim by saying the “coin” over Christ’s eyes has part of Tiberius Caesar’s name on it. However, there is a “C” where there should be a “K.” This seemed to undermine its genuineness. But then first-century Roman coins were found with this same misspelling. Once again, the coin theory found support.

It is, however, too weak to bolster the Shroud’s credibility. Here’s why.

The weave of the cloth undermines the coin theory
The cloth is not like a flat piece of paper. When woven on a loom, the cloth surface becomes uneven. So would it really be possible to see the edge of a letter on the image? Maybe, but it’s questionable.

This may be a case of pareidolia. That fancy word refers to seeing patterns or images you want to see that aren’t really there. It could be a lion’s face in a cloud or an image of Jesus on a slice of toast (yes, that has happened).

While no one really doubts that the image on the Shroud is a man, the supposed “coins” over the eyes are just not distinct enough. They could be coins, but much more research needs to take place first.

While the Shroud – if authentic — is a great boost to our faith, our belief in Christ’s resurrection shouldn’t ultimately rest on it. Rather, we believe in Christ through the gift of faith and the credible historical claims of the Gospels.

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How to Discuss the Early Church With Protestants

St. John Henry Newman said, “To be deep in history is to cease to be Protestant.” He was speaking in part from personal experience, since his study of the history of the early Church convinced him that it was Catholic.

It’s common to hear converts from Protestantism cite the Church Fathers as a catalyst for their switch to Catholicism.

While you generally shouldn’t start a conversation with a Protestant by citing Newman’s quote, be prepared to bring Church history into the discussion eventually.

Consider these tips.

Read up on the Church Fathers first.
Study their actual writings, as well as commentaries on them to know what the early Church taught. You can find almost all the extant works of the Fathers for free online (New Advent is one source).

Many Catholic teachings and practices are found in the works of the Fathers. Take for example this first-century testimony to apostolic succession from Pope Clement I’s Letter to the Corinthians:

“Our apostles also knew, through our Lord Jesus Christ, that there would be strife on account of the office of the episcopate. For this reason, therefore, inasmuch as they had obtained a perfect fore-knowledge of this, they appointed those [ministers] already mentioned, and afterward gave instructions, that when these should fall asleep, other approved men should succeed them in their ministry. We are of the opinion, therefore, that those appointed by them, or afterward by other eminent men, with the consent of the whole church, and who have blamelessly served the flock of Christ, in a humble, peaceable, and disinterested spirit, and have for a long time possessed the good opinion of all, cannot be justly dismissed from the ministry.”

Read every passage in context, so you don’t misrepresent the meaning to further a belief or argument (aka proof-texting). Also, study history to learn the environment in which each Church Father taught. This is especially important when the Fathers are refuting heresy. You won’t properly understand what they’re teaching unless you know the heresy they were fighting, be it Arianism, Donatism, or Marcionism.

Focus on the Fathers up to 300 A.D.
The reason for this is that many Protestants still disseminate the oft-refuted idea that the Catholic Church was started by Emperor Constantine in the 300s A.D. Because of that, any Church Fathers you refer to from that time on may be dismissed. It’s better to rely on earlier Fathers, such as St. Clement of Rome, St. Ignatius of Antioch, St. Justin Martyr, and St. Irenaeus.

The other great thing about these earliest Fathers is that many of their works are shorter and more digestible than those of later Fathers, like St. Augustine.

Don’t expect to find every teaching explicitly taught in the early Church.
The sacred Deposit of Faith has been faithfully passed on from the apostles to their successors. But doctrine develops — not in the sense that God’s revelation changes or evolves (that would be heresy) — but that our understanding of it grows with time.

Therefore, you shouldn’t expect to find the dogma of Mary’s Assumption clearly and systematically laid out in the earliest Church Fathers. You’ll have to turn to other evidence, such as the stunning fact that no Church Father said anything about Mary’s remains despite the early Church keeping meticulously account of the relics of its saints.

While all these tips are meant to help you have a fruitful discussion with Protestants, they’ll benefit you as well. We as Catholics need to be historically literate, especially since Catholic Tradition and traditional values are under attack in many parts of the world.

Plus, the writings of the early Church are spiritually rich and make for great reading if you want to deepen your faith.

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