Susan E. Paul's Blog
November 6, 2013
Singapore - I Know You Miss Me
It's only been a month since The Husband moved us back to Toronto from Singapore and I'm faced with the delicate decision of whether to good-naturedly accept my fate: to engage in respectable activities like baking chocolate chip cookies, learning how to knit, rescuing a bevy of stray cats - who can model the teeny, tiny sweaters I’ll have learned how to knit. Or, instead, to feed The Husband a stable diet of ever increasing doses of cyanide. Ooh, better yet, feed him cookies mixed, laced and brushed with eggs. For you see, The Husband has an anaphylactic allergy to eggs and, my research tells me that, in the absence of medical records (of which, sadly, there are plenty), death by food allergy is nearly undetectable. Which begs the questions: what did we do before Google?? And how did our dentists track us down for a teeth cleaning even though we had moved and changed our phone number three times?
However, as tempting as it is, I know I must leave a foray into the criminal element to the crack-smoking, unimpeachable Toronto mayor and instead, find an eggless cookie recipe. Besides, even though vertical stripes are said to be flattering, I don’t think I’m cut out for death row. The harsh overhead lights are enough to scare a girl straight. No, I will magnanimously accept my fate. I will learn to embrace the cold even when my ears fall off from frostbite. I will gorge on carbs until my blubber expands sufficiently to heat my internal organs. I will obey the restraining order prohibiting any and all contact with the lovely people at Singapore Airlines. You would think they would be thrilled to endlessly discuss the current weather in Singapore and whether Crystal Jade is offering Chicken Rice on its menu tonight.
But this will only take me so far as, in my quieter moments, when everyone is tucked into their beds and the house is still, I am overcome by nostalgia and visions of my beloved Singapore dance in my head. Taken back to a time when I battled the odds and could take a whole thirty-two steps in the ninety-degree humidity without needing to turn around and change my sweat-soaked clothes. I learned the real reason people carry umbrellas in Asia - to fend off the malevolent snakes that patiently stalk their prey from the treetops before falling out on top of them. I even took tennis lessons. Which did not go so well, but kudos to me for embracing this whole assimilation thing.
So dear reader, I hope you will join me as, together, we take a trip down memory lane and travel back to ‘little red dot’ that was my home and where my heart still resides. Even if I’m not allowed to board a Singapore Airlines plane to get there.
P.S. - Please don't read the blog post below. I hit enter when I meant to hit delete. :) The time for Roger lies ahead and I would hate for you to meet/judge him until he's ready for his close-up.
However, as tempting as it is, I know I must leave a foray into the criminal element to the crack-smoking, unimpeachable Toronto mayor and instead, find an eggless cookie recipe. Besides, even though vertical stripes are said to be flattering, I don’t think I’m cut out for death row. The harsh overhead lights are enough to scare a girl straight. No, I will magnanimously accept my fate. I will learn to embrace the cold even when my ears fall off from frostbite. I will gorge on carbs until my blubber expands sufficiently to heat my internal organs. I will obey the restraining order prohibiting any and all contact with the lovely people at Singapore Airlines. You would think they would be thrilled to endlessly discuss the current weather in Singapore and whether Crystal Jade is offering Chicken Rice on its menu tonight.
But this will only take me so far as, in my quieter moments, when everyone is tucked into their beds and the house is still, I am overcome by nostalgia and visions of my beloved Singapore dance in my head. Taken back to a time when I battled the odds and could take a whole thirty-two steps in the ninety-degree humidity without needing to turn around and change my sweat-soaked clothes. I learned the real reason people carry umbrellas in Asia - to fend off the malevolent snakes that patiently stalk their prey from the treetops before falling out on top of them. I even took tennis lessons. Which did not go so well, but kudos to me for embracing this whole assimilation thing.
So dear reader, I hope you will join me as, together, we take a trip down memory lane and travel back to ‘little red dot’ that was my home and where my heart still resides. Even if I’m not allowed to board a Singapore Airlines plane to get there.
P.S. - Please don't read the blog post below. I hit enter when I meant to hit delete. :) The time for Roger lies ahead and I would hate for you to meet/judge him until he's ready for his close-up.
November 5, 2013
I Miss Singapore - Issue 1 - The Lizard Ate My Dingo!
It's only been a month since we moved back to Toronto and, in that time, I am pleased to announce that I confirm that licking a fence in cold weather is a very bad idea. Well, we were out of the country for 8 years and that's a long time for anyone to remember all the rules and regulations of being Canadian.
In a desperate attempt to ignore the fact that I was having my tongue stitched at the hospital, my mind drifted serenely back to Singapore and my friend, Roger. Roger is a monitor lizard who calls the Singapore Botanic Garden home - or evil lair where he dominates the park with his bulk and his malevolent third eye. On days when the park becomes too crowded, thus causing his food supply to duck for cover - rats, snakes and small children - Steve waves goodbye to his lizard friends and treks across the street to our house. Yes, it is true that this is the same street that Prince William and Kate drove down when they visited the country. I stood decked out in my finery, manning a right proper British tea stand complete with those little sandwiches and haggis. They didn't stop, however, but I did wave regally as their entourage whisked them away, no doubt to to a" his way across the street and slither i to our backyard pool.
Reaching our backyard was no mean feat as Roger had to climb to the top of our driveway which was at an easy forty-five degree angle to the street and the temperature rarely dipped below ninety-five degrees. But, Roger is mono temperature and, eventually, he made it, remarkably unseen given his bulk, and into our pool; completely ignoring the No Lizards sign we had posted to stop this sort of inflagration.
But Roger was not to be deterred as apparently, the alkaline level in our pool reminded him of the primordial swamp out of which he crawled many years ago as a pup. His pattern never varied as he completed his laps and then would emerge, slippery and, if possible, even more disgusting, and lounge poolside taking in the sun's rays, the deckside menu clutched in his gnarly claw.
While this always sent me screaming, the one time he I did notice him one time trying to order off the room service menu, but our computers were down that day and, as such, he left hungry. And vowing revenge.
In a desperate attempt to ignore the fact that I was having my tongue stitched at the hospital, my mind drifted serenely back to Singapore and my friend, Roger. Roger is a monitor lizard who calls the Singapore Botanic Garden home - or evil lair where he dominates the park with his bulk and his malevolent third eye. On days when the park becomes too crowded, thus causing his food supply to duck for cover - rats, snakes and small children - Steve waves goodbye to his lizard friends and treks across the street to our house. Yes, it is true that this is the same street that Prince William and Kate drove down when they visited the country. I stood decked out in my finery, manning a right proper British tea stand complete with those little sandwiches and haggis. They didn't stop, however, but I did wave regally as their entourage whisked them away, no doubt to to a" his way across the street and slither i to our backyard pool.
Reaching our backyard was no mean feat as Roger had to climb to the top of our driveway which was at an easy forty-five degree angle to the street and the temperature rarely dipped below ninety-five degrees. But, Roger is mono temperature and, eventually, he made it, remarkably unseen given his bulk, and into our pool; completely ignoring the No Lizards sign we had posted to stop this sort of inflagration.
But Roger was not to be deterred as apparently, the alkaline level in our pool reminded him of the primordial swamp out of which he crawled many years ago as a pup. His pattern never varied as he completed his laps and then would emerge, slippery and, if possible, even more disgusting, and lounge poolside taking in the sun's rays, the deckside menu clutched in his gnarly claw.
While this always sent me screaming, the one time he I did notice him one time trying to order off the room service menu, but our computers were down that day and, as such, he left hungry. And vowing revenge.
