Chloe M. Gooden's Blog, page 2

3 Reasons Why You Won't Let Go of Your Ex

Oh the good ole exes! I truly feel we all have some form of a past partner that we can't let go of or struggling to get rid of. It can be hard though. They are familiar , comfortable and sometimes even the back up plan if it doesn't work out with the new guy. Though it may feel having them around is a great safety net, it's truly destroying you and your possibility of a future mate. We keep them around for multiple reasons, and to be honest, every reason out there doesn't justify keeping them around. Now don't get me wrong, some people have became great friends with their past partners but that can even be touchy. If you were truly in love with someone you simply can't just be there friend. So why won't we let them go? Why do we keep exes around knowing we need to move forward. Well, here are some common reasons below. Hopefully you can connect with them and see the need to make a change quick! You will never get to the man for you if you don't let go of the man behind you. You ex is your ex for a reason.

1. You Are Keeping Them as a "Just-In-Case-I-Never-Find-Someone-Better" Plan
           - This can be beyond harmful for you. In your mind you think it's better to end up with something instead of nothing at all. BIG NO NO! If you left him, or he left you, you need to keep that in  mind. Maybe you all just aren't right for each other? Maybe you will be better compatible with someone else. Either way, that's not fair to him nor you to keep them in the back burner as a back up plan. You may not realize this, but by you keeping them in the back of your mind you are messing up your longevity with a new person. How you might ask? Everytime something comes up in the "new" relationship , your tolerance will be quite low because you will have in your mind that you can run back to your ex. Also, as soon as the "new" person doesn't do something that you liked in the past partner, or you all are still learning each others likes/dislikes, you will run back to the ex out of comfort, completely forgetting why you left in the first place.

2. You Are Still Physically Involved With Them
          - Stop this IMMEDIATELY!! When you are physical with someone you are keeping a soul-tie with this person. You are connected and continuing/increasing the connection the more you are involved. I talk more about this spiritual connection in my book Not Tonight : My Worth Is Far Above Rubies if you want more info and also letting go of your ex. But it is imperative to break this tie so you can be open to other people. You cannot truly let them go if you keep reconnecting with them physically.

3. You Don't Have A Realistic View of You All's Relationship
          - Since you are lonely, you probably find yourself reminiscing on the relationship, completely forfeiting the reasons why you left. Remind yourself of why you all are exes. Remember and keep it in mind everytime you think you want to go back. Don't get distracted by the "feel good" moments that you forget you all's real issues and problems. One thing I learned in my own life, is when you go back to a past relationship, you all re-start the Honeymoon phase each time. You go into the relationship forgetting your past and you re-start the "lovey-dovey-I-cant-get-enough-of-you" phase. If you all truly are trying to make it work then be honest about the past issues and ensure that you all are making steps to work on them as adults. Ignoring them will only cause issues later. I talk more about this in my book Single to Married: Becoming Who You Are In Christ and a Better Complement as a Potential Wife if you want more info.

If you really want to find the love you truly deserve, whether that's with a new partner or learning to love yourself, you need to let the past stay in the past. You will never get to the man for you if you don't let go of the man behind you.
 www.chloemgooden.com 
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5 Reasons Why You Don't Have Peace In Your Life

Have you ever had an uneasy feeling that you just couldn't explain? Have you ever felt out of place or as if you are missing something? Or maybe you find yourself always having a headache or always ill? I have been there. Actually, presently I am sick at the moment because I was missing something very important to all of our lives ; Peace. This is a word that is near and dear to my heart. Why? Because I feel that having peace is one of the best gifts you can have as a human being. Peace with where God has you. Peace in any situation. Peace with where God is taking you. I feel that when you have peace you truly are encompassing a life of contentment, joy and trust in the Almighty God. Since this is so near and dear to my heart I do everything I can to eradicate anything that keeps me from having peace in my life. You should truly do the same. When you have peace in your life it helps you in your mind , body , spirit and soul. So how do we attain this peace? Most of all, how do we maintain it? Throughout my life I have come across some things that have taken away my peace, and when I was able to recognize what was causing my discord, I immediately begin to take hold of my life and eradicate anything and anyone who kept me from having peace. You should do the same! You will be surprised how much it changes your life.

 Here are 5 Reasons Why You Don't Have Peace....

1. You Are Involved in Unhealthy Relationships
        - Now this can be an intimate relationship or platonic. The people in your circle play a major role in how you live life. They can be a positive influence or a negative one. How can you tell if it's positive or negative? Easy. Do you find that after you are with them or talk to them you are better off then you were before? Are you all's conversations uplifting? Full of growth, maturity and wisdom? Do you find yourself laughing with them or always in a state of fret and worry? Are they helping you reach your goals in life or keeping you stagnant? Are they causing you harm or are they loving, caring and supportive of who you are? Are they using you? Do you feel that when you leave them you are empty and never filled?  Every life we are around is a spirit of influence. Evaluate your relationships. If they don't give you peace then they need to be eradicated or step up to your peaceful standards.

2. Disobedience
     - As the saying goes, "When you know better you do better." Being a Christian, you should know what is seen as walking righteous before God and what is not. Now God understands that we may fall occasionally, this is why we have Jesus Christ. But He never gave us a pass to continue to live in sin. Living in sin and occasionally falling into sin are two different things. When you are living in sin you are making the habitual choice to do what you know is wrong before God despite the knowledge you have about the Word of God. If you have the Holy Spirit residing in you, which being saved you do, your spirit will never rest until you make amends with God and correct your behavior. That nudge you keep feeling. That uneasiness, restless spirit you keep experiencing. That's the Holy Spirit's way of convicting you. God doesn't come to condemn but the Holy Spirit will continually nudge at you to live right before God. Why? Because that's what's best for you. If you truly have a loving relationship with God, a true intimate relationship, you will never be able to continue living in sin and be at peace.

3. Holding Out on Your Calling
       - Being in ministry work, I remember when I first felt God calling over my life. I knew something was growing inside of me and felt I was about to burst. I didn't understand it and couldn't figure out why I was so unsettled. Even when I started to figure out what it may be, I kept ignoring the call out of fear and expectation. Until I accepted the call and carried out God's great work , I was restless. This can happen to you as well when God has called you to do a great work! You know what you are called to do. You know what gifts God has called you to use. Until you do it, you will be restless because you are not walking in your God given authority and talent. Even now when I am not doing what I supposed to do, I sometimes can't rest until I do God work. Do what God has called you to do! It is the most rewarding feeling ever.

4. Worrying 
       - Whooo I know all of us can attest to this! It is so easy for us to stress over things that we cannot control. In the Word it discusses how worrying literally adds NOTHING to your life.( I suggest reading the entire section of Luke 12: 22-34.)  Luke 12:25 "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?" .....worrying literally has no benefit to us. It is a waste of time, energy and commitment. You serving the God you serve should be the end of all worry. God said He will provide for you , care for you , sustain you, love you and never leave nor forsake you. If you TRULY believe that, TRULY , then you should never worry. When you find yourself in a state of worry, get in your Word and be reminded of God's promises. Everything truly does work out for our God. EVERYTHING.

5. Rest
       - Sometimes even if we are doing all of the points above we will still have some moments where we don't feel at peace. Sometimes you just simply need rest. Rest your Mind. Rest your Body. Rest your Spirit Man. Sometimes we need those moments of doing absolutely nothing for God to heal us , talk to us and restore us. Even God Himself rested so it is beyond important that we do the same. This is a good time to recollect what God has called you to do, go over the joys in your life and even have a moment of thankfulness to God for your health and strength. Even when we don't willingly rest, many times our bodies will force us to rest. This is where sickness comes to surface! So rest yourself.

Isaiah 26:3"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you."
www.chloemgooden.com

4 Reasons Why You Keep Ending Up In Situationships

Why God Hasn't Answered Your Prayers

We all are asking God for something. Whether it's a new job, healing, change in our current situation or even a spouse. We all are waiting on Him to answer our prayers and are trying to figure out why we have not received an answer or what we have asked from God. Listen in on Chloe M. Gooden's message of "Why God Hasn't Answered Your Prayers", to gain insight on this topic. This message was shared on Thursday, February 26th at 8:00pm for the Anointed Sisters in Christ.

CLICK ON LINK BELOW     Why God Hasn't Answered Your Prayers 



Scriptures Used During Message to Follow (King James Version) :
MAIN SCRIPTURE:  Psalms 145: 15 – 19MESSAGE SCRIPTURES: 1 Peter 3:12 Psalms 37: 4 John 14: 13-14 John 11: 22
Luke 11: 9-132 Timothy 2: 13Matthew 26: 36-39Ecclesiastes 3:1Romans 818Galations 6:2 

We pray it blesses you!Share with those who are in need of this message as well!Thanks for Listening and God Bless!
www.chloemgooden.com 

4 Ways to Stop Dating the Wrong Guy!

Single Awareness Day or Valentine's Day as they Call It!

Ladies, I know that the "DAY" is coming up this week. Many of you are dreading it and just hope it comes and goes as fast as possible. I know it's the hardest around this time because of the heart shaped candy, the flowers, the huge teddy bears, the commercials, the "I Love You" items are EVERYWHERE you look! Trust me, I feel your pain. Being single can be tough, and let alone there is even a holiday to remind you that you are single and with no potential mate in sight. Though you may feel this is a depressing moment, realize that you truly can find joy and peace during this time. Please know that during this holiday season the enemy will hit you hard with:


1. Depression
2. Anger
3. Anxiousness
4. Regret
5. Discontentment

He will do everything in his power to make you upset with God and your situation. The enemy will use ANYTHING to get you to turn away from God and pursue your OWN way. During this season let me forewarn you of some tricks the enemy will use so you won't fall into the trap. Here are some things to keep in mind to stay in tact for a holiday that will come and go as fast as the sin in you when you ask God for forgiveness.

1. Don't Become Desperate
          - Being desperate can come in many forms. Whether it's calling an ex-boyfriend you know isn't good for you or going to a club just to find someone who will show you love and attention. Whatever your "desperate" moment may be, don't fall into a situation just to have someone hold you, show you attention and make you feel wanted. It's not worth it. Catch yourself before you even fall into the act.

2. Don't Forget the God You Serve & His Love for You
          - During this moment you will start getting upset with God and feeling that He doesn't care about your situation, doesn't love you and doesn't understand what you are going through. That is a LIE. First of all, God said He would never leave nor forsake you. Also, the Word says that you can cast your cares on God and he WILL sustain you. It also reminds us that God came to this earth in human form, Jesus, therefore He DOES understand everything you are going through. This is the perfect time for you to cast all your cares on God. He does love you. He does care. He does understand. If you need contentment, peace and sustainability during this time , or anytime, call on your loving Father. He will answer.

3. Don't Take On Depression and Forsake the Joy of the Lord
           - It is in our nature to be sullen about this holiday and feel we have every right to feel all of the emotions I stated in the beginning of this blog. Don't think that because its "Single-Awareness" Day that you are unable to still express the fruits of the spirit God has placed in you.

Galations 5: 22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."
Still wake up each day with the Joy of the Lord. So what you are single? Awesome. So that means you can show love of Christ to anybody and everybody! I know personally for myself I have decided to show/express love to those around me. Friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, whoever is around me! I've decided to not be sullen because I am single, but be excited that it's an opportunity for me to show love to others! You will be surprised how loved you will feel, and how uplifted your spirit will be, when you give what you desire to be given to you!

1 Peter 4:8 "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."

Please know that I am truly here for you if you need encouragement, uplifting or prayer during this time. If you still are struggling with this week don't hesitate to email me at chloemgooden@yahoo.com! I truly will pray for you and give you a word of encouragement if needed!
God Bless! 
If you need more encouragement during this time please don't hesitate to read my other blog postings & follow my Youtube Channel below!
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Photo Credit via Flickr Creative CommonsPhoto Taken by Sonny Abesemis : Love That Binds takes on February 14th, 2014https://creativecommons.org/licenses/...

How to Separate The Boy vs. The Man : 7 Signs You Are Dating a Boy

In the dating world you will meet multiple guys in different areas of your life .Whether at school, your job, or church you will most likely meet a guy that you are interested in. They all have a level of attractiveness, but as we all know, if the internal isn't together then the other aspects of the relationship will crumble as well. One thing I have found to be the most important is their MATURITY. Sometimes you won't notice their level of maturity in the beginning. It usually takes a couple of conversations, dates and situations to arise, before you are able to see who they truly are. If you are a mature woman, wanting a mature man for a relationship, you need to be able to pick out the boys from the men.

Here are some things to look out for to see if your guy is right for the picking!

1. His Greetings are "What's Up" vs "Good morning, How are you?"
       - I know this may seem trivial. But I have witnessed this for myself with guys I have dated. When a man is mature and truly wants to lead the relationship, it won't be a simple "What's up" greeting. He will ask "How are you?"....."How is your day going?" He will ask about that meeting you discussed with him the day before. He will pay attention to your patterns of the day and get updates about them. If there is a simple "What's Up" , he needs to put in more effort with you to have a real conversation.

2. He Doesn't Express His Feeling around other Male Friends
      - When guys are younger, they tend to still feel the need to stay "hard" around their friends. They feel it is showing a sign of weakness by expressing feelings towards you around them, or showing you affection. A Man will have no issue with doing this. He is mature enough to not care about what his male counterparts think and is proud to show you affection whether in public or private. If he is still concerned about his "homies" then let him stay hooked up to his "homies."

3.  He Avoids Serious Conversations
       - When a guy is immature he will not know how to handle serious conversations. Whether it's about the relationship, or just a simple dispute, he will try to avoid the "talk" and possibly even victimize himself in the matter. If he is a mature man, he will respect your feelings towards the situation and own up to his part. He will do whatever it takes to allow you to express your feelings so you won't be left in anguish. I have experienced this for myself. A real man won't leave you hanging for days knowing you have unresolved issues.

4. He Doesn't Pay Attention to You
       - A man understands the importance of paying attention to the details of your life. He will notice your favorite color. He will remember your birthday. He will remember your siblings names. Whatever you can think of, he will remember it. He understands that to truly pursue a woman he has to study her. A boy will pay attention to himself and what he can get out of the relationship.

5. He Doesn't Provide for You
       - Now when I say provide, this doesn't always pertain to money. It is in a man's nature to want to provide for a woman he loves and cares about. When you bring up a problem you have, does he do whatever he can to help you with it? Does he provide you with things you need? Does he pay for date nights?

6. He Doesn't Protect You
       - Once again this is innate in a man. A man will naturally protect what he loves and cares about as well. When a man sees or hears of any threat towards you, he will do whatever he can to make sure you feel safe and secure.

7. His Actions Never Line up With His Words
      - Men are ALL about action. They will show you they love you before they actually say it. They will do something for you before they express words of affection. If a guy is always saying he loves you, doesn't want you to leave him, misses you, but he NEVER shows it, nor shows up.....time to keep it moving.

Bonus : If He gets offended by this Blog! Any man that knows he is doing what he is supposed to do, won't get offended by it =) #truth #lol

These are just a couple of highlights to see if you are dating a mature man. There are so many other things to look for but this will start you off! 
If you want more dating tips, get my book :
Single to Married : Becoming Who You Are In Christ and a Better Complement as a Potential Wife

Click Here to PurchaseAvailable on Amazon.com , Barnes&Noble.com, Ibooks/Itunes , & BAM.com 

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As always, you can email me @chloemgooden@yahoo.com!
God Bless!Photo Credit via Creative CommonsFlickr : Suit & Tie taken by Jaclyn Auletta on February 20th, 2013 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/...

The Unavailable Man : 5 Men You Don't Want to Date

"We've all experienced meeting a great guy, soon to find out he is UNAVAILABLE! Stay on guard for these 5 guys to prevent unnecessary heartache."

Single, Celibate, & Frustrated : 7 Ways to Deal with the NO SEX LIFE

So let's be honest. No matter how sanctified or "saved" you are, it is natural for you to desire to mate with another partner. No one wants to discuss it because we try to put on the purified white coat as if it is never on our minds. As if we don't see it everywhere on TV. As if we never crave for it. Well, I am a realist, and I completely understand there are times that you are frustrated and unsure how to deal with the frustrations of being celibate. It can be really hard sometimes. You find yourself getting upset at God and wondering if you will ever truly have a hold over this desire. Well the truth is, the desire will always be there. But just like any other craving, you have to learn how to control it as well as how to deal with it when your flesh tries to override what your spirit is telling you. Trust me I understand. I am celibate as well and there are many times I look up to God and think to myself,  "God, I am going to attack the first thing I see if you don't help me." LOL! But seriously, you are not the only one that deals with these frustrations. Here are some tips on how to deal with the cravings when they come up.

1. DO NOT contact a past partner. I know in your mind you just want to get a release. Don't do it. You will regret it in so many ways the next day. You will be upset you dissapointed God. You will be upset you went back to someone who isn't worth your time. Delete anyone's number who will allow you to fall into sin so it won't even be there as a temptation when frustration arises.

2. DO NOT condone in "self-pleasure." I know this is a taboo subject. Noone wants to discuss it, but reality is, it's happening in the real world. I know sometimes people think it's fine but in reality it only makes it more frustrating on yourself and it is a sin. Why? Because you have to think of lustful thoughts to be able to do it and a ton of other reasons that I discuss in my book  Not Tonight.  Usually when we condone in self-pleasure, it only makes us crave it more and want to do the actual act we are trying to avoid. Don't play yourself. Regardless of what others may tell you, know that it is wrong.

3. DO NOT try to play the game of "foreplay" and convince yourself , "I'm not really having sex." Once again, this is a sin. Your body does not belong to you, it is Gods. Any type of sexual act outside of marriage is wrong.

4. DO NOT convince yourself that it is okay to do it this "one" time. After you go back to it once, you will want to do it again and again. Don't let the enemy trick you with his lies. Don't get trapped back into this cycle of sin.

5. DO distract yourself. Many times when I get to this place I find something to distract my mind. Many temptations all begin from a thought. If you can distract your mind, you will find yourself completely forgetting about your frustrations. Whether its going to workout, or playing Tetris (What I have been doing lately lol), make sure you have a hobby to get your mind focused on something else.

6. DO read your Word. Find something to read! ANYTHING! Just open up your Bible or Bible App and just read the first thing you see. The more you read it the more you will be reminded of God's Word, Promises, and Convictions. Sometimes we need a refresher to remind us of why we are on this walk of purity.

7. Do PRAY PRAY PRAY! Lately I have been reading Psalms for our 21 Day Fast. Something I love about Psalms is the way David cries out to God. He cries for help. He cries for God to be His refuge. He cries for God to save Him from this world of sin. You can do the same thing! God is amazing. He knows exactly what we are going through and He loves us and wants to answer our every need. Everytime I have prayed to God. EVERYTIME! He has come through. Just call on Him. He will do whatever it takes to help you live a righteous life.

Okay, so I hope these tips help you! I know there are many of us that deal with this from time to time so email me, or comment, your suggestions! What are some things you do to deal with sexual frustrations?
If you need more help dealing with sexual temptation get my book :
Not Tonight : My Worth Is Far Above Rubies
Biblical Insight on How to Remain Abstinent in a Sexually Charged World! CLICK HERE TO PURCHASEAvailable on Amazon.com, Barnes&Noble.com, Itunes/Ibooks, and BAM.com.

Email me at chlomgooden@yahoo.com!
www.chloemgooden.com 
Photo by Sarah Scicluna via Flickr Creative CommonsTaken on December 24th, 2008https://creativecommons.org/licenses/...

How to NOT become the New Age "Side-Chick" : In response to Blog Post "New Side Chick: I Was Her"

WOW. So if you haven't read it yet, there is a new blog post out by Miss T.N King called "New Side Chick: I Was Her." If you haven't read it here is the link: http://misstnking.com/2014/12/29/the-new-side-chick-i-was-her/. It is PROFOUND. (Read it first before reading this article.)  I read this article and was amazed at how much this hit home for me and at the end,honestly, I was somewhat angry. Why? Because WOW! I have been the New Age Side Chick several times! I believe that is why so many of us loved it, because we all have been there and didn't even realize it. We all have been the "bestfriend", "homegirl", their "ace", but not his WOMAN. As I kept reading it, and talked about it with several friends, I kept thinking to myself, "God will women ever catch a break!? Why do we always get caught up in these situationships? Why can't we just receive what we truly desire and not get played.?" Questions and more questions kept pondering through my mind, and ultimately I realized it really was bitterness. We all have been here, and all you can do now is figure out what NOT to do when it comes to male friends so you won't become the new age "Side-Chick." Like Ms. King put so well, "We are Queens", but somehow we keep getting in situations where we are getting treated like peasants. What are we doing wrong? Well I thought of SEVERAL mistakes I made with multiple guys I have been friends with before. I have had many "Jakes" in my life, and honestly, I wish I could go back and change it. But we have to forgive ourselves and move on. Learn from our mistakes and keep moving forward. So what do we need to do to stop becoming the "homegirls", the "bestfriend", the new age "Side-Chick?" Well here it goes...........

1. Believe What He Says
           - Too many times men tell us from the jump that they do not want a relationship and not looking for a relationship anytime soon. But with our hopeful hearts, and the many Tyler Perry movies and fairytales, we want the happy ending. We think the guy may change his mind one day and finally see the beautiful woman beside him and see our worth. No Mam! If he said he doesn't want a relationship then that's it! As Ms. King eloquently said, " I wish I knew then what I know now:  A man who really wants to be with you will find every reason to be with you.  A man who does not want to be with you will find every excuse why he can’t be with you."

2. Stop Being Men's Mothers and "Want to be Wives"
          - We as women are naturally loving and it is so easy for us to want to take care of someone. We want to be there for their every need. We want to cook for them. We want to clean up and fold their clothes. We want to pamper them. STOP. This treatment should be for your spouse and only your spouse, not some guy who has not given you any type of commitment. That treatment should be earned, not given just because he is around. I know it's easy to fall into it, I'VE done it! But we wonder why we get so hurt when a guy walks out of our lives and it's because we have given them everything and have gotten nothing in return in the end. One thing you have to remember about men, they have been treated this way from a woman all their lives; their mother. Therefore, this treatment is natural to them and they will easily receive it. Don't be so quick to give up the goods, and I don't mean just your body, I mean your time, care, love, and affection.

3. Stop Waiting
          - Oh the good ole waiting game. Once again, we want to have the fairytale endings we see on tv. If a man says he isn't ready , or if this man is not available emotionally, then let him be that and you continue to move forward. Don't miss out on what God may have for you pining over a man that could not even be the one. Sometimes we get stuck on men. We get in our minds "Oh, but I want and love him. I will never find a man like him. He is the one." Well darling if he is the one, he will commit to you and take you as his own. He will come chasing after YOU. You won't have to do anything special, or as Ms.King put it, "...audition for your part."

4. Create Boundaries and Stick to Them
         - It is inevitable that you will find a male friend in your life. The key is to keep it on that level and not try to make it more than it needs to be, unless he has expressed he wants more, is ready for a commitment, and you feel the same. But if this is never said, you need to keep him in the "friend zone" just like he has you. Don't do anything for this man that you wouldn't do for a female friend. If you are ever wondering if you are doing too much , ask yourself, "Would I do this for my female friends, or am I doing this because I am really hoping to gain more from this man?"

I am sure many that read that article have MANY emotions about what was said. What did you think of the article? How did it hit home for you? Have you ever been the "New Side Chick" and didnt realize it? 
  Would love to hear from you!God Bless and Know Your Worth!www.chloemgooden.com  
chloemgooden@yahoo.com
Photo taken by : Ashleigh W Black African American Coupletaken November 8th, 2013https://creativecommons.org/licenses/...