Randy Shaffer's Blog, page 3

The Dark Knight Rises – A Deeply Personal Film Christopher Nolan Didn’t Want to Make

Welcome to Different Perspectives, an essay series designed to offer a new perspective on a piece of entertainment that viewers may not have considered.

Warning: Spoilers for Batman Begins, The Dark Knight and The Dark Knight Rises ahead.

I’m going to put this bluntly. Despite how much you might have wanted it, Christopher Nolan didn’t want to make The Dark Knight Rises.

Now, before you all light up your torches and sharpen your pitchforks, or take to the internet to fire off dozens of articles, quotes and interviews my way that may speak contrary to my words. Hear … me … out. That’s not to say Nolan and crew didn’t eventually get enthusiastic about the project. They did.

However, the death of Heath Ledger left a dark spot on the franchise, one that Nolan couldn’t quite overcome. Evidence of this is in the finished product. “Out of respect” for Ledger, Nolan doesn’t mention The Joker. Which is odd when you consider he was likely rotting away in Gotham prison when Bane lets everyone loose. You’d think someone would, at the very least, say something like “What about The Joker? Did he get loose?” and someone else would say “No, the inmates killed him.” or “No. Even Bane knew not to mess with a mad dog” or something to that effect.

Even more potent would have been a line toward the beginning of the film – something to punch home the idea that Gotham law enforcement had established its own form of vigilante justice. The exchange between Matthew Modine’s Foley and Brett Cullen’s congressman could have easily contained a line like this:

“Our first step toward the Dent Act happened the night Dent died, when we took justice into our own hands and did what The Batman failed to do. We killed The Joker.”

Audiences could read that the SWAT team who found The Joker dangling on a wire simply shot the maniac in the head, thus ending his legacy and beginning a new, tainted era for Gotham. Hell, they could have even pinned the murder on The Batman if they wanted to. Why not? He’s a wanted masked murderer after all. This probably would have made Gordon even more distraught over lying about Dent’s death.

Instead, The Dark Knight Rises contains not a single Joker reference, thus leaving an enormous plot hole for fans to munch on. Is The Joker free to roam the streets of Gotham? Will the new Batman have to face off against The Joker for his first assignment? Talk about a tall order! Wayne was emotionally destroyed by The Joker, and Batman nearly died trying to stop him … and he had almost a decade of hardened training and skills behind him. That won’t be the case for poor little John Blake.

At times it also feels like Ben Mendelsohn’s Daggett was meant to be The Joker, albeit heavily altered to fit the financial/economic subtext of the plot. I imagine a different version could exist where Daggett is the assistant (who’s on the board at Wayne) and the Joker is the real enemy behind the curtain – the man who hired Bane. As it stands, it’s Daggett and a useless assistant.

Hell, Daggett even slithers his tongue in a few scenes, just like Ledger’s Joker. It’s hard to imagine how much more intimidating Bane would have been if The Joker was the man responsible for bringing him to Gotham. The exchange shared before Daggett’s death would have been far more terrifying.

Daggett: “I paid you a small fortune…”

Bane: “And you think this gives you power over me?”

later

Daggett: “You’re pure evil!”

Bane: “I’m necessary evil.”

What a potent end to The Joker’s reign. The mad dog hires what he thinks is another mad dog, and he loses at his own game. It’s not a hero that defeats The Joker, but an enemy of pure, unadulterated “necessary” evil.

I could go on and on about plot holes and mistakes The Dark Knight Rises brings to the table, but you’ve read all the little reports. You’ve probably watched the tremendously funny “Everything that’s wrong with TDKR” video (seen below). It’s all been done. But of all the essays, interviews, videos, reviews and blogs about The Dark Knight Rises, I’ve never actually seen one that dissects the deeper commentary that the film might be metaphorically suggesting.

The Dark Knight Rises is about Christopher Nolan’s reluctance to return to Batman.

Some context. Shortly after The Dark Knight took audiences by storm, Nolan expressed interest in shooting an epic but intimate romance completely in the IMAX format. He also pressed forward with a Howard Hughes biopic. Not much has been spoken about the IMAX romance since the release of The Dark Knight, but the Howard Hughes biopic stalled.

So what is The Dark Knight Rises? It’s a couple of things. For one, it’s both the epic romance and the Howard Hughes story tucked into the Batman template. But it’s also a film about Nolan’s journey to making this third and final Batman film.

Evidence of the romance/Hughes plot should be obvious. The shoehorned romance between Miranda Tate and Bruce Wayne, followed by the brutal betrayal of that affair feels pretty damn epic, yet intimate, to me. And the Howard Hughes references in the film are even more obvious, with Wayne living in seclusion following his stint as Batman. Even Nolan himself confirmed the Hughes influences in TDKR to Empire magazine saying, “Luckily I managed to find another wealthy, quirky character who’s orphaned at a young age.”

But these two elements of The Dark Knight Rises are not simply the whimsical dreams of an acclaimed artist. Rather, they represent Nolan’s own frustration with making a third Batman film. Allow me to break the plot of The Dark Knight Rises down, explaining each element and how it relates to Nolan’s career decisions.

The film starts with Wayne in seclusion, wrecked after losing Rachel Dawes (despite death being Wayne’s catalyst for becoming Batman, but I digress). He’s bagged Batman and cut off communication with Gordon. When Bane shows up, Wayne almost reluctantly decides to dust off Batman once again. It seems like more of an obligation than anything else, and something that might just get Wayne killed. His best friend and mentor Alfred, a character formally quite fine (even encouraging) of Batman, now seems to have a deep contempt for Batman, claiming he never wanted this life for Bruce.

The opening of the film is where Nolan is, mentally. He’s lost a good friend in Heath Ledger, and can’t much find a reason to return to Batman. He no longer sees a happy ending for the character, or at least the ending he had always wanted. To him, there’s no reason to return. But, Nolan is constantly bombarded with questions about Batman and can’t seem to escape the shadow. He reluctantly returns to the franchise, even in the face of relaunching Superman, a project he seemed curiously more invested in right before working on The Dark Knight Rises (hence why Wayne is hard at work on a secret energy project at the beginning of the film). Alfred likely speaks to what Nolan’s closest friends were telling him. “If you don’t want to do it, why return? You’re an artist. This isn’t the life we wanted for you.”

With this metaphor in mind, Bane represents the fans, sorry to say. Bane is a tyrannical mercenary whose plan is simply to bring about the destruction of Gotham, and Batman. He claims he wants what’s best for Gotham but his real motives are to destroy the city. And deep down he’s doing it out of blind love and affection for a character tied to Batman Begins.

Bane represents the force of nature that is fandom, which starts slow and mostly silent, but quickly the fire rises and the heat from clamoring fans is intense and occasionally brutal. Don’t believe me? Take a look at how fans are shaping the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Is Coulson still dead? Nope. The fire has certainly risen.

In the case of TDKR, fans fell in love with Batman Begins and have driven the franchise to great financial heights since then. This is woven into the narrative of TDKR, hence Bane’s secret love for Talia al Ghul, a character that’s tied directly to Batman Begins. In other words, without that picture, and the fandom born from it, Bane does not exist.

Also, fans don’t just want another Batman. They want the best damn Batman film that Nolan can give them … or else. The fight sequence between a worn out Batman and Bane is evidence of Nolan’s struggle to give audiences a good sequel. And Bane literally breaks Batman, mocking him for being old and worn out … or unoriginal and derivative.

Even stranger is Bane’s goal to steal Wayne’s fortune. This seems less like a metaphor for our current financial crisis and more Nolan commenting on the sometimes negative financial influence of moviegoers, who often steal a director’s artistic desires and dictate what films and franchises survive and what art eventually gets made with their money. Wanna make that Howard Hughes biopic? Hell no! The fans want Batman 3. And Batman 3 is what they get.

The tools and tech of The Dark Knight Rises also play into this metaphor in clever ways. The Bat is an excessive and completely needless tool for most of the picture, only conveniently serving the plot in the final minutes of the climax. For the rest of the film it feels like an accessory ripped straight out of Transformers or GI Joe.

Nolan’s third Batman film arrived on the heels of yet another Transformers picture – a series that has elevated its action, tech and tools tenfold since the first chapter. And moviegoers have eaten this sloppy junk food right up, fat and all. Since Nolan already sees his audience as aggressive and hungry, like Bane, and he’s got a studio breathing down his neck (acting much like Daggett), asking for something bigger and better with this third film and trying to steal the series out right from under his nose, he ends up mocking audiences and studio heads with The Bat – an admittedly slick little tool that serves no other purpose for most of the picture other than to be cool. In fact, it’s easily the most traditionally “comic book” piece of tech in Nolan’s entire series, and feels better suited for a mindless popcorn yarn than a Nolan Batman film.

Oddly, even the narrative template of The Dark Knight Rises is borrowed from Transformers 2 and 3, with Bane controlling a city and threatening its citizens with doom. I can only hope Nolan is mocking this plot device. If not, he’s stealing from Transformers: Rise of the Fallen. And no one wants that … or do they? After all, the Transformers series has made a few billion since it was launched in 2007. The fans have spoken, sadly, and they love their junk food!

Which brings us to the middle of the picture. Wayne if left crippled by Bane and forced to live in a tomb, watching Gotham crumble at the hands of Bane (and to a lesser extent, Daggett). This is Nolan in his own mental pit of sorts, watching fans and studio heads hijack TDKR, a film he never wanted to make. The studio wanted it big. The fans wanted it bigger. And now it’s about to consume itself.

And it’s in this place that Nolan finds peace.

He finally accepts his fate. Christopher Nolan was always meant to direct The Dark Knight Rises. It was, after all, his own damn story. And he can do with it as he pleases. But he can also provide the slam-bang action bravado this generation of Transformers-loving fans crave while placating studio desires for a bigger, better picture that can sell more toys and other merch while also wowing the audience.

But he’s gonna do it his way, dammit!

Nolan opts to shoot the film almost entirely in IMAX, a slap in the face against current digital filmmaking trends. He even becomes vocal in the press about his disinterest in digital cinema, favoring classic film over the digital age. He writes in the epic romance and the Howard Hughes subplots to serve his artistic interests.

And Nolan crawls out of the tomb, free of constraints. He’s not answering Bane’s call anymore. He’s taking control of his actions while using the film to slyly mock his critics, studio heads and his fans.

When Batman returns to the city, he’s able to defeat Bane quite easily. But he’s nearly undone, though, by Miranda Tate, who’s actually the daughter of Ra’s al Ghul – the man who influenced Batman in the first place. This serves as a reminder that the franchise circle is now complete. Ra’s al Ghul begets The Joker begets Bane begets Talia al Ghul.

Reclaiming the narrative, Nolan now has control over Batman’s fate. But he has a mess of a film on his hands. The picture opens with a disjointed Hughes hybrid story that makes little sense if you break it down, a wonky love story that switches love interests halfway through the film with little coherence, and a Michael Bay-inspired narrative arch that also makes little sense in spots. It’s time for Nolan to do the right thing. It’s time to kill The Batman and end things on his own terms.

So Nolan’s film quite literally apes a scene from Batman: The Movie, with Batman carrying a bomb away from the city, saving the day. “Some Days, You Just Can’t Get Rid of a Bomb!”

The only real difference is that, on the surface, it looks like Batman died saving the city. The fans get what they want, yet the vocal minority is defeated at the same time. Batman is no more. Nolan is free. Everyone is happy, disappointed, sad and curiously satisfied.

Then there’s the Ocean’s 11 twist.

Things were not what they seemed. Batman didn’t really die. And stranger yet, Robin has been in the picture this whole time, we just didn’t know it! Joseph Gordon Levitt plays John Blake, a cop who figures out who Bruce Wayne really is by, umm, looking at him once. This leads to some quick mentoring, a few lazy lessons about hiding your identity and then Blake receives the mantle of The Dark Knight.

Glorious ending, right? Nope!

The ending feels energetic, exciting and emotionally stirring. But Wayne has just damned Blake to a world he hated so much he had to fake his own death to escape it. He’s just damned him to a life with no ending, with no love – a world of regret. And worse, Blake doesn’t have the money or resources to take on the mantle of Batman. Hopefully Bruce gave Blake some contacts at Wayne R&D and a few bucks to hold him over.

Rather, Blake represents the next Batman director. In this case, it represents Zack Synder, who will take on Batman in his own still untitled Superman sequel, currently being billed as Batman Vs. Superman, a cheeky title I hope does not stick. When Blake rises from the water and the film fades to black, Nolan is quite literally handing the franchise off to the next director, damning them to a difficult but potentially rewarding journey.

Now, I’m not saying this was Nolan’s literal intention. I don’t know Christopher Nolan. I have no idea what his struggle was really like. There’s an old saying I like to remind myself of nearly every day: “There’s the way people think Hollywood works, and then there’s the way it really works.”

The Dark Knight Rises might actually be Nolan’s commentary on how kittens are cuter than puppies for all I know.

But I love Nolan’s films and I find him to be one of the most fascinating filmmakers working today. And you can’t deny some odd correlations about the narrative and Nolan’s career. Some of the decisions feel more subconscious than anything – something that was swimming in the back of Nolan’s head when he jotted down the story and screenplay of The Dark Knight Rises with David S. Goyer and Nolan’s own brother, Jonathan Nolan. But maybe not.

I’ve long contended that TDKR is a messy movie that could have used one really good rewrite before they started shooting in order to tie up all the loose ends and terrifically wide plot holes that exist within the narrative. However, I find the film mysteriously entertaining. I like it … a lot. I have this desire to watch The Dark Knight Rises over and over again. To consume the movie bit by bit. I loathe the picture for delivering a somewhat disappointing final chapter in Nolan’s Batman saga, but I love watching the film regardless. And I think it’s because The Dark Knight Rises gives me an inside peek into who Christopher Nolan really is, and as a huge fan of his, that’s a real treat. Nolan is an artist, pure and simple, who was tossed into the Hollywood machine and has faced incredible odds to maintain his dazzling artistry.

The Dark Knight Rises is possibly messy on purpose. It’s what happens when too many people offer their hand. When fans influence a director negatively. When you don’t want to make a film that everyone wants you to make. And the ultimate conclusion is Nolan’s own. He takes back the picture, restores his artistic integrity and hands Batman off to someone else.

It’s no shock that the final image of The Dark Knight Rises is one of the most memorable. Nolan has reclaimed his art form. And he’s moving past Batman into the next, exciting stage of his career. And like Bruce Wayne, who found love in the end, perhaps Nolan will finally get to make that epic IMAX romance, or whatever film he wants … and make his friends (and hopefully fans) smile once more.

But the truth of that final image is also indicative of the contradictory message of The Dark Knight Rises. Nolan has continued to slap his name on both Man of Steel and the untitled Batman Vs. Superman project. He’s still around, lurking in the darkness like Bruce Wayne. It makes one question … could the real Batman really stay away?

Perhaps Batman isn’t just a name, but the man who embodies him.

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Different Perspectives series:

Rob Zombie’s Halloween II: The Sequel That Gets No Love

Movie 43 Isn’t That Bad

Curse of Chucky Indeed

Fright Night II: New Blood- A Deserving Sequel

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Shameless plug time! If you own a Kindle (or have the free Kindle app on your phone), check out my thrilling short stories, The Stray Cats and The Horror. CLICK HERE to buy your copies today! And be sure to follow me on Twitter.

Top 11 Favorite Horror Films Part 5: Obscure Horror

My Halloween Horror Lists continue with my 11 (not 10) favorite obscure(ish) horror films. I began this series with the most obvious horror films, now let’s explore the strange, the obscure … the hidden gems.

Be sure to comment and let everyone know what your favorites are. Please be aware that I tried to not have any repeats on these lists, so if you see something missing, it might be elsewhere.

Previous Halloween Horror Lists:

Part 1: The Classics

Part 2: Books

Part 3: Slashers

Part 4: Zombies!

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11) House

Do you want something completely wacky? House is the film for you! No, this isn’t the Sean S. Cunningham film, this is the obscure Japanese horror film that must be seen to be believed.

10) Splinter

An engrossing, character-driven slice of horror that freaked me the hell out when I first saw it, and still scares me to this day.

9) Demons

A rapid-fire horror film with tons of gore and a great premise: demons are released in a movie theater. The sequel is also worth a look. It basically remakes the first film in an apartment complex.

8) The Funhouse

Tobe Hooper’s eerie mood piece about a group of kids trapped in a carnival. Haunting and scary as hell … this film almost plays like a sequel to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

7) Prison

Hands-down, the best Stephen King story that Stephen King had absolutely nothing to do with. Plus, you get to see a young Viggo Mortensen. Plenty of creepy chills and thrills. And the new Blu-ray from Scream Factory is pretty great, too.

6) Possession (1981)

A slow-brewing sliver of horror that continues to escalate until it’s almost impossible to look away. Toss in some fantastic performances and riveting direction and you’ve got all the ingredients for a horror classic.

5) Vamp

A trippy vampire film that almost feels like a sequel to the 1985 cult classic, Fright Night (which is a masterpiece, and should be required viewing for any horror fan). This one boasts a chilling atmosphere, weird characters and a hypnotic tone similar to Martin Scorsese’s After Hours.

4) Murder Party

A hilarious little indie that my wife and I try to watch every other year. It’s not very scary, but it’s a clever, fun ode to horror and the macabre.

3) Brain Damage

Writer/director Frank Henenlotter is a strange filmmaker. His films are never what you expect, and are feel like an exposed nerve to the weary and unknown. His Basket Case series is simply a trip. And exploitation gems like Bad Biology and Frankenhooker are just divine. But Brain Damage is Henenlotter firing on all cylinders, delivering a haunting tale of murder, violence, sex and seduction. Crazy stuff.

2) Crawlspace (1986)

Nobody does it better than Klaus Kinski. I could rattle off a slew of horror gems he’s appeared in, but this one is my absolute favorite. That finale in the vents is the stuff of nightmares. Honorable mention: pretty much everything Kinski has ever been in.

1) Alone in the Dark

And here’s the real reason I did this entire series of lists. Alone in the Dark. No, not the Uwe Boll film. This random slasher features Jack Palance, Donald Pleasance and Martin Landau. It’s a proto-punk splatter picture with a very clever premise. I won’t spoil it here. Just watch and enjoy!

But wait … there’s more! No, I’m not done just yet. I’ll be back with another Horror Favorites list next week! This time it’s Horror-Sci-fi!

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If you own a Kindle (or have the free Kindle app on your phone), check out my thrilling short stories, The Stray Cats and The Horror. Both are just .99 cents. CLICK HERE to buy your copies today! And be sure to follow me on Twitter.

A Sprinkle of Awesome: The Ohio State University Marching Band

I’m just gonna come out and say it: I really don’t care about football. I have nothing against people who do. Everyone is entitled to enjoy what they love. It’s just never really done much for me. I’ll watch a game. I’ll even have some fun. But it’s not something I rush out to see week-after-week. I’m more of a one or two-game-a-year kinda person.

But I live in Ohio.

I’m sure some of you just read that and screamed “Go Bucks!” or “OH-I-O,” or something like that. As soon as August rolls around, Buckeye Fever sets in. Entire aisles of stores are transformed into Buckeye havens, complete with Buckeye sheets, socks, chips, blankets, candy, glasses, chairs, hats, clothing, tables … you name it. There is so much Buckeye stuff out there I could probably furnish an entire damn house. It’s insane … or completely awesome if you’re a fan.

Needless to say, I had a bit of an aversion to watching the video I’m posting below, despite how utterly awesome it is. The video depicts the Ohio State Marching Band paying tribute to movies. It sounded completely uninteresting, only made worse by my distaste of football. But then I watched it and had my mind blown.

Perhaps there’s a good reason to love the Buckeyes. Not only are they a fine football team, with an unbelievable talent pool, they also sport a top class marching band that not only manages to create a terrific vignette of classic music, they do it in staggering, perfect formation. They also manage to meld the old Superman theme with the new Superman theme, and the inner-geek that lives inside me got the gigs when I heard that seamless transition.

Anyway, here is the video:

And here is another. This time it’s a tribute to Michael Jackson:

I might not love football, but I can appreciate the talent that goes into the sport. And I can most certainly appreciate the talent of this marching band. What can I say, they restored my affection for Ohio.

Go Bucks!

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Shameless plug time! If you own a Kindle (or have the free Kindle app on your phone), check out my thrilling short stories, The Stray Cats and The Horror. CLICK HERE to buy your copies today! And be sure to follow me on Twitter.

That Awkward Moment When You See a Ghost

SCARY SHIT #1: In this series, I will spotlight stuff that, well … scares the shit out of me.

Zombies may be all the rage on television and in books, but at the end of the day, a zombie apocalypse is (probably) not very likely. So you can rest easy. However, the very real reality that you may run into a ghost, a spirit, a demon, or some kind of paranormal entity — those odds are a little more likely. Even some of the most hardened skeptics have been swayed, so it’s not outside the realm of reason that you may, at some point in your life, encounter a haunted spirit or some kind of mysterious, strange, impossible-to-explain occurrence that might just be paranormal in nature.

So here’s something that’s pretty freaking terrifying:

Here’s the story behind this video: This video was submitted to us by the hotel security manager who was standing watch on September 14, 2003 at a WINGATE HOTEL in Illinois. His voice can be heard in the background of the recording.

According to him, people staying at the hotel began calling in noise complaints to the front desk with reports of loud screaming coming from the 2nd floor–particularly room #209. There is no known history to the room according to our investigation. However, upon further review, we found that over the years, multiple complaints of “strange noises” were reported to be coming from the room. This is the only known recording of it.

Note to (Youtube) comments:

It’s funny how people think this video is edited/fake. The audio is a mix down between the security camera audio and a separate recording from inside the office (which is specifically there to record in case of robbery to the hotel). People will always come to there own conclusions why a video is fake (like cameras pointed at the door). What they don’t realized is that there are about 80 cameras in the hallways around the hotel, all pointing at doors and hallways.

I have no idea whether this video is real or not. It’s probably fake. The setup is vague. The camera angles seem too perfect. And the execution is a bit flawless. That said, the idea scared the shit out of me so I thought I’d share it with you, dear readers. And fear not (or fear yes), even if this video is fake, I have other videos I’ll be sharing in future installments of Scary Shit.

If you had to ask me, I would suggest that demons, and ghosts for that matter, are actually not spirits, at least not in a Biblical sense. Rather, their existence is perhaps more scientifically rooted than we would like to admit. There’s a lot we don’t understand about other dimensions (there are said to be 10 dimensions) that surround us, and if I had to venture a true explanation of what paranormal activity is in our realm, I’d suggest it’s fourth dimensional beings that have punched through, into our own world.

Some of these entities can only manifest as cold gusts of air or as electrical interference, possibly even orbs in photos. While others are capable of moving, shaking and disturbing our dimensional realm. Some might even have the ability to manifest themselves, manifest other things, or to possess a three-dimensional entity (such as yourself) for its own nefarious (or possibly scientific) purposes.

You are welcome to discredit all of that if you would like. I love skeptics, so go right ahead and explain away. But there’s a logic to ghosts, demons and other apparitions being fourth dimensional entities. And it’s also entirely possible that the very concepts of God and religion were both the manifestation of these creatures, hence their devotion to one side or the other. The fact remains that we have no damn clue what ghosts are, or why they exist, if they exist at all.

But just ask nearly any person, in any region of our great planet, and they have at least one story to tell.

Here’s one of my own true ghost stories: I was eight years old and playing an innocent game of hide and seek with my sister. I chose to hide behind my parents’ living room table, just in front of the backyard bay window. As I sat there, I had a strong urge to look out the window. It was late (relatively speaking for an 8-year-old), probably 10 or 11PM. Either way, it was dark outside. I peered through the window and saw a woman running. She was wearing a wedding dress and appeared absolutely terrified. What was even stranger was that in the absolute black of the backyard, she almost seemed to glow, as though a heavenly light were shining down on her.

I ducked my head back down and waited for a few seconds, scared and shaken. Finally, I gathered the courage to pop my head back up, and there she was again. This time, however, there was a man roughly twenty feet behind her, wearing a tuxedo and a menacing grimace. Like her, he seemed to glow a greenish hue, similar to the ghosts from Ghostbusters. This frightening man charged after her, chasing her with what looked like a knife. I stared on in utter horror, my mouth wide open. I vividly recall locking eyes with the woman, who turned and started to run toward the house.

Panicked, I ducked down again. At this point, my sister found me. She joined me on the floor … probably to endlessly annoy and tickle me, as was the case when you found someone in our game of hide and seek. I tried to explain what I saw, but my young mind couldn’t comprehend it. She peered out through the window and quickly shot back down. She refused to look out the window again.

I managed to muster the confidence to look one more time. As I did, I saw the woman run toward our house again, almost as though no time had taken place in between the images. In other words, the scene seemed to pause when I wasn’t looking.

The woman was running toward our house, but there was an obstacle in her way … our neighbor’s metal fence. She ran, holding her dress in her arms. The angry man in the tuxedo followed behind, his knife in the air. He looked at me for a brief moment, and smiled. The very thought of his expression now sends chills down my spine, as though he is still with me. He was enjoying having a voyeur. It seemed to empower him.

I assumed the woman would stop and turn as she approached the fence, but she didn’t. She kept running and running, barreling toward the fence at ramming speed. I gasped and nearly screamed when the woman traveled straight through the fence, followed by the vile man chasing her. They both came about ten feet from the house, but banked away and trailed past a large tree in the backyard. As they did, they disapparated right before my eyes.

I have no idea what happened that night. I could argue that it was just kids in our neighborhood giving me and my sister a fright, but that doesn’t explain their disappearance, or how they got through the fence. That scene has stuck with me over the years. Not one day goes by where I don’t spend at least a good minute thinking about it. Who was the man in the tuxedo? Who was the woman in the wedding dress? Were they scorned lovers? Or was he a demon chasing an innocent spirit. What happened to me when they looked into my eyes? This isn’t the only strange event I’ve had over the years, and somehow I feel as though all those bizarre occurrences connect to this one day.

Perhaps I’ll never know what happened. Maybe that’s for the best. But, from that day on, I have been terrified of ghosts, ghouls, demons and the like. They may not be out to get me or you or anyone, but I feel they are there … whatever “they” may be.

Have you seen any ghosts, demons or freaky shit? Share your story in the comments below!

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If you own a Kindle (or have the free Kindle app on your phone), check out my thrilling short stories, The Stray Cats and The Horror. Both are just .99 cents. CLICK HERE to buy your copies today! And be sure to follow me on Twitter.

Top 10 Favorite Horror Films Part 4: Zombies!

This week’s list details my favorite zombie features. Enjoy, and feel free to post your favorites in the comments section.

Please be aware that I tried to not have any repeats on these lists, so if you see something missing, it might be elsewhere.

Previous Halloween Horror Lists:

Part 1: The Classics

Part 2: Books

Part 3: Slashers

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10) House of the Dead

Yup, you read that right. Uwe Boll’s camp “masterpiece,” House of the Dead, made the list. Why? Because I laughed my ass off the entire film. Plus, it’s gory as hell and unabashedly strange. I kinda love the big shootout in the middle of the film, not to mention the hilariously awful flashback to the big shootout that happens not five minutes after the scene is over. So bad it’s good, folks.

9) Warm Bodies

This is a newbie so it’s ranking a little lower, but I can see it rising in the coming years. Warm Bodies takes zombie conventions and spins it in new, refreshing direction. It’s a tender, sweet and clever film that shouldn’t be missed. For another new(sih) zombie film, check out ZMD: Zombies of Mass Destruction or the Canadian hit, Dead Before Dawn.

8) Cemetery Man

A trippy piece of Italian cinema that’s required viewing for any zombie lover. This one is quite strange. I highly recommend checking it out in the middle of the night, when your mind is ready to travel elsewhere.

7) Day of the Dead

George A. Romero’s Day of the Dead isn’t a masterpiece, but it’s damn close. The effects are incredible, and Bub is probably one of zombie cinema’s finest creations. If you like him, also check out Fido. Also give Land of the Dead a look. It’s grown on me over the years, and while I wouldn’t rank it as one of my favorites, it’s well worth a midnight screening.

6) Braindead (Dead Alive)

Here’s a film that starts out slow and unsuspecting, but quickly escalates into the absurd, the wacky, and the positively gonzo. The finale alone is worth the price of admission. I wonder where director Peter Jackson ended up with his career? Also check out Re-Animator for something equally gory and off-the-wall.

5) 28 Weeks Later

I loved 28 Days Later, but I found the sequel a far more riveting, character-driven film that took the genre in a new direction. Plus, 28 Weeks Later was Jeremy Renner’s first memorable role, ahead of The Hurt Locker and a little thing called The Avengers.

4) Zombieland

Of all the zombie comedies, this one is my favorite. I could pretty much watch it every day. It never ceases to entertain. The cast is awesome, the gore is great, and the story is clever as hell. VERY honorable mentions: Shaun of the Dead and Dead Snow. Both almost made the list, but they weren’t quite my favorites.

3) Zombie

Zombie vs. shark. Eye vs. wood shard. Zombie barn battle. These are the reasons why this one ranks so high. There’s a scene where a zombie fights a real shark. Yup. The film’s epic finale, a showdown of man vs. zombie, is positively one of the best ever put on film. This one is a masterpiece of zombie cinema, and one of the best Italian “Dawn of the Dead” knockoffs out there.

2) Dawn of the Dead

Dawn of the Dead is probably one of the very best horror films ever made. It is everything that we know and love about zombies all tied up into a fun package filled with gore, horror, comedy and brilliant characters. The remake is also pretty great, and well worth a look. And, of course, the original cult classic, Night of the Living Dead, deserves some love, too.

1) The Return of the Living Dead

Hands-down my favorite, go-to zombie feature each Halloween. It’s clever, funny and that middle act switch from comedy to flat-out horror is simply fantastic. But don’t start here. Watch Night of the Living Dead first, then watch this. Skip the sequels (okay, watch the second one). Also, check out Night of the Creeps.

Next week: My top ten favorite obscure horror films! We started with the most obvious horror choices (The Classics), let’s finish with the obscure.

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If you own a Kindle (or have the free Kindle app on your phone), check out my thrilling short stories, The Stray Cats and The Horror. Both are just .99 cents. CLICK HERE to buy your copies today! And be sure to follow me on Twitter.

A Sprinkle of Awesome: Bad Lip-Reading Videos

A Sprinkle of Awesome #4 – I feel like I’m pretty late to the party on this one, but I wanted to share my love and affection for the awesomeness that is Bad Lip-Reading videos.

According to the rumor machine that is the internet, the videos are uploaded anonymously, but are apparently crafted by a music producer who lives in Austin, Texas. If you haven’t seen one of these videos yet, here’s a fun introduction:

I’ve shared Bad Lip-Reading videos on various social networks before, and I’ve watched dozens of them over the years. But for some reason I had never watched BLR’s video remix of Michael Bublé’s ”Haven’t Met You Yet.”

The other night, after a rough series of discussions and emotional turmoil, and a generally bad day, I found myself scouring YouTube in search of funny sketches and shorts to cheer me up. That’s when I stumbled on Bad Lip-Reading’s latest video, which transforms HBO’s gritty fantasy-drama, Game of Thrones, into a trailer for a Medieval Times-like sex comedy called Medieval Land Fun-Time World.

Here is the video in its total and complete radness:

When the video ended, I decided to check out their redo of Michael Bublé’s song, which was strangely titled Russian Unicorn. The video was actually posted all the way back in 2011, so it’s nothing new, but what I found was an absolutely hilarious remix of Bublé’s already great music video. In fact, in some ways, the video is actually BETTER with the Bad Lip-Reading song.

For comparison, here is the original video:

And here is the redo:

Not only is Russian Unicorn kind of a great dance song, it completely reforms the music video in a way that still matches the tone and visuals of what’s happening on screen. In short, it is terrific.

But what’s cooler is how Michael Bublé himself responded to the who thing. He’s excited, honestly honored and very grateful for the video, which not only made me like him more, it also turned me on to his music, which is pretty fantastic. Here are two videos of his own response:

I share this because I found the whole experience somewhat renewing. I love the counter culture of video editors, producers and other brilliant minds who craft viral videos such as this. They see something that others do not see, and they bring that vision to the masses in unique and refreshing ways. But I also adored Bublé’s charming response. In an age where lawyers can get called in when a kid plays music for his third grade speech, it was also refreshing to hear an artist simply dote over another artist. No lawsuits. No anger. No jealousy. Just love.

And lastly, there’s a moment in which Bublé admits the lyrics of Russian Unicorn “don’t mean anything … to me.” That line stuck out to me for a multitude of reasons. For one, he’s not knocking the song’s lyrics. He’s also accepting the whole scenario as it’s own creation. And, best of all, he’s recognizing that while the lyrics are likely gibberish to him, they might speak to someone else. That’s a genius right there, plain and simple.

In an evening of upset feelings, Russian Unicorn’s gonzo lyrics really did speak to me. They reminded me to have fun with life, to enjoy what is there, and not to focus on what is gone or has never been. They reminded me to dance and to enjoy the silly things in life.

So, next time you’re feeling blue, tell yourself, “Oh, the night is young. Now baby we could shoot a Russian unicorn,” and throw on one of Bad Lip-Reading’s videos. Or find something else that brings joy into your heart, and allow yourself to get lost in awesome.

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Shameless plug time! If you own a Kindle (or have the free Kindle app on your phone), check out my thrilling short stories, The Stray Cats and The Horror. CLICK HERE to buy your copies today! And be sure to follow me on Twitter.

Different Perspectives: Movie 43 Isn’t That Bad

In early 2013, Movie 43 was unleashed upon audiences. Don’t remember it? Really? It starred pretty much ALL of Hollywood, even the likes of Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry, Emma Stone, Seth MacFarlane, and Oscar darling Kate Winslet … among dozens of other accomplished, likable stars and up-and-comers. In fact, there are so many stars in the film, I could spend an entire blog post just listing their names.

No, you don’t remember Movie 43.

Well, maybe you do, but most people don’t. The film came and went in a matter of weeks. It was trashed by pretty much every living, breathing critic, and forgotten by most audiences.

Curiously, the film actually did make some bank. According to Box Office Mojo, Movie 43 cost roughly $6 million to produce, and grossed close to $30 million worldwide, with a mere $8 million of that coming from the U.S. But it was still a moneymaker, kind of. And it’s more than likely made money on home video, and through TV distribution deals.

Still, there isn’t a whole lot of love for Movie 43. For just a moment, let’s focus on the hate. The film ranks a dismal 4.4 out of 10 on IMDb, a 4% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes, a 19 out of 100 on metacritic, and a 26% approval audience rating on Flixster.

In less words, people don’t like Movie 43.

But I have a confession … I kind of loved it.

No, it’s not a flawless film. And there are plenty of things to complain about. For example, the film is annoyingly flat. There are more misses than hits in this one. The sketches tend to end on weird notes, and most of the jokes aren’t much different from what you can get for free on sites like College Humor, Funny or Die, or even Youtube. In truth, you could probably collect ten or twelve of the best shorts from any of those sites and put together a better, funnier sketch anthology picture.

But I still dig Movie 43.

There is some rather potent, and oddly subversive, humor in the film. I get a sense that the picture was meant to spoof blander-than-bland anthology comedies like New York, I Love You, Valentine’s Day or New Year’s Eve. It was sold to comedy lovers as a “Kentucky Fried Movie” for the modern age. While Movie 43 hardly ranks as high as that wonderful cult classic, it’s clear that a great many people involved cared deeply about this project and wanted it to succeed, even when actors like Richard Gere allegedly tried to vacate the film at all costs.

For a detailed, and rather sordid, look at the history of the making of the film, check out Movie 43′s Wikipedia page. It’s an interesting read.

I struggled to put a finger on what I loved about the film, but I do love it. I admire the writing. There’s a lot going on under the surface of this disturbing, crass little picture. A great many of the film’s more impressive metaphors seem to have gone over people’s head. That’s probably because most focused on the gross-out aspects of the humor. This was certainly not a film for everyone’s taste.

I also love the cast. A great many of my absolute favorite actors, writers and filmmakers worked on this project. And the project itself is so wacky, crass and gonzo, I relish in watching the stars go to the extremes to find a laugh, and while many of the jokes don’t always work, I love watching actors dare to be different. It’s refreshing and enticing.

For example, there’s a sketch in which Stephen Merchant and Halle Berry go on a date and end up competing in an EXTREME game of “truth or dare.” The sketch isn’t all that funny, but watching Halle Berry mock her picture perfect persona by doing something crass, and even a little vile, felt almost … human.

Allow me to explain. Our stars strive to create images for themselves. Brands of painted perfection. They are flawless. Their skin is perfect. Their hair is trend setting. Their clothing is staggeringly beautiful. And their personalities are ones that everyone strives for.

But that’s not who people are. That’s all an image. All spectacle. Actors are real people. That sounds absurd to even write, but so many fans honestly forget that. It’s especially noticeable when someone asks an actor to recite a line from a movie they did 25 years ago, like they’re some kind of trained puppy doing tricks.

When I watched Movie 43, I saw the people behind Hollywood. I saw human beings having a fun time exploring the comfort zones of their image, and taking audiences along for the ride. I saw a film where Hugh Jackman wasn’t afraid to put a prosthetic pair of balls on his neck just to get a rise from his fans. Or a sketch (writen and directed by Elizabeth Banks, mind you) in which Chloë Grace Moretz has her first period, and the men all around her act like … well, the fools who control women’s right in congress. It was a gross sketch, but there was something deeply revealing about it, too.

And here is a look at one of my favorite sketches in the film:

There is a lot going on in this scene outside the obvious, and beaten-into-the-ground, joke. Did you catch the real point of the skit?

Movie 43 is not a win by any stretch, but it’s a fascinating look at the edges of comedy, where the crass, disturbing and subversive meet and do some rather dark, rather bad, and rather wonderful things. There is a lot more going on in Movie 43 than people give it credit for. There’s a hidden theme in nearly every sketch, a hidden message — a metaphor that went unnoticed. And that’s where the film’s strength lies. Movie 43  is not a masterpiece, but it is a work of art. And like all works of art, it has its haters and it has its fans. Count me as one of the latter.

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Shameless plug time! If you own a Kindle (or have the free Kindle app on your phone), check out my thrilling short stories, The Stray Cats and The Horror. CLICK HERE to buy your copies today! And be sure to follow me on Twitter.

The Horror is Out Now!

My latest, terrifying novelette, THE HORROR is now available on Amazon Kindle (BUY HERE).

NOTE: You don’t need to own a Kindle device to read the story. All you need is the Kindle app, which is available on your desktop, laptop, phone or tablet.

Synopsis: 

What if the horrors of a seemingly innocent and fun haunted house attraction were real? What if someone were inside with you, stalking you and feeding on your fear? What if every corner of the maze were deadly? What if you couldn’t get out?

The Horror tells the story of Lisa and Alan, two college teens visiting a theatrical haunted maze themed after local urban legends. Once inside it becomes clear that the macabre sights are not just smoke and mirrors, and gallons of fake blood, but the gory work of a deranged psychopath who is inside the house, hunting them. The two lovers must attempt to escape before this crazed lunatic tracks them down and completes his grisly ritual.

Background:

With The Horror, I wanted to craft a special short story for the Halloween season, and I wanted this story to be something “balls to the wall” scary. Ultimately, The Horror was inspired by one of my wife’s worst fears: that someone inside a haunted house might have nefarious plans for the guests. While the core story of The Horror has been swimming around my noggin for close to a decade, the plot began to truly form this September, when my wife and I visited the haunted houses at Universal Studios.

The result is a haunting, atmospheric ride through a terrifying, nail-biting narrative that simply doesn’t let up. But it’s also a story designed to make you think. The Horror explores the nature of trauma and death through brutal metaphor. It examines what we really fear and how our culture deals with disaster. The story is a response to those who criticize horror as exploitation or entertainment, all while fueling a reader’s fears through thrilling set pieces, unnerving suspense, vivid description and meaningful characters.

I hope you will enjoy The Horror as much as I enjoyed writing and editing it. Keep in mind, the story is quite scary, so I would definitely recommend this one to hardcore horror readers, especially lovers of the slasher genre.

Happy Halloween!

Top Ten Favorite Horror Films Part 3: Slashers

In honor of my latest slasher-themed novelette, THE HORROR (click HERE to buy your copy), my Halloween Horror Lists feature continues with slashers!

I tried to go a little obscure(ish) with this list so we won’t see any repeats from other lists.

Please be aware that I change my mind often. The ability to change one’s mind on any subject is paramount for our culture’s growth and development. With that in mind, don’t be surprised to see another version of this list next year, with totally different books on it … what can I say, I absolutely love the genre.

Be sure to comment below and let everyone know which films are your favorites.

10) Midnight Movie

A surprisingly clever spin on the slasher genre. A similar premise to Demons (which may appear on another list). This low-budget indie manages to succeed where so many other recent indies have failed. Honorable mention: the Hatchet series.

9) The Prowler

A freaky slasher from Joseph Zito, who would go on to direct the best Friday the 13th film in that franchise. The final jump scare is a memorable one!

8) Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers

This hilarious slasher send-up doesn’t offer much more than some base thrills, but it’s a comfort food of mine. Pamela Springsteen is just awesome. I wish she would have done more horror films.

7) Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

Friday 8 doesn’t get much love. It actually gets no love at all, which is a shame because it’s really quite good. It sports the best direction of the bunch, with clever set-ups and great pay-offs. The finale is a bit of a letdown, but that scene between Jason and the punk kids in Times Square makes it worth it.

6) Slumber Party Massacre

Not what you’d think from the title, Slumber Party Massacre is actually a pretty subversive, somewhat funny pro-feminist slasher, that also happens to be an exploitation flick. The first sequel is also worth a look, but don’t expect a film that’s anything like the first.

5) The Burning

Had Jason not taken off, The Burning would probably be the slasher everyone remembers from the 1980s. There’s a ton of great actors in this, and it features some fantastic gore effects, courtesy of Tom Savini.

4) The Hitcher

The original film, not the shitty remake. I’m not exactly sure this film meets the title of slasher, but I’ve always loved The Hitcher for its intense, moody narrative, and nail-biting suspense. Rutger Hauer is easily one of my all-time favorite screen villains. Great stuff, with a dream-like atmosphere that will surely get under your skin.

3) A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge

I must confess, I absolutely adore A Nightmare on Elm Street 2, if only for the awesome pool party scene. But also for all the not-so-subtle sexual references and equally not-so-hidden homoerotic subtext. It’s a genre classic in its own way, and a great second outing for Freddy, critics be damned.

2) Black Christmas

This 1974 hit was the first real slasher, outside Psycho and Peeping Tom (both worth watching, BTW). Black Christmas is the perfect film to watch during the cold winter months. It was also the inspiration for John Carpenter’s Halloween.

1) Scream

Looking back, this series has probably influenced more than any other slasher out there. I just love it. Wes Craven crafts a perfect blend of horror and clever comedy in this send-up of the slasher genre. Ignore Scream 3 and 4 and stick with the first installment and the underrated sequel.

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Next week: My top ten favorite zombie films! So grab some brains and head back here next week.

Review: Kindle Fire HDX

I just wanted to share my thoughts on Amazon’s latest flagship reader, the Kindle Fire HDX, ahead of its Oct. 18-28, 2013 US release date.

I’ve been a lover of Amazon since the site launched. Their service is cheap, easy, intuitive and their customer service is typically excellent (from my experiences). I have been a Prime member for more than four years (get Prime, seriously) as well. So, naturally, it wasn’t difficult to fall in love with Amazon’s tablets when they launched just a few short years ago. My wife owns the original Fire tablet and I have owed the Fire HD. They are wonderful products for reading, for internet and for most games and tablet uses.

Since buying the Kindle, I find myself reading more than ever before. As a writer, I love Amazon’s text-to-speech function (and its many awesome voice options), as it quickly helps me find mistakes, grammar issues, spelling and other problems in my stories as I read along. In brief, the device is handy, portable, fun, efficient and enormously easy to use.

The new HDX isn’t a major improvement over the Fire HD, but it’s a worthy upgrade, especially for potential new buyers.

This new device is significantly faster than the previous version thanks to a quad-core Snapdragon processor. Internet browsing is vastly improved and games run a little smoother as well. The screen resolution has also been upped to 1920×1200, and looks gorgeous. And, as before, the tablet’s Dolby audio is absolutely astonishing.

The HDX is fairly customizable, so for more information regarding specs and details, feel free to hop over to Amazon, where you’ll find photos, videos and more.

The tablet’s redesign is quite spiffy. Simply moving the power button away from the volume buttons was a big improvement (power is on the opposite side now). With the old device, I continually found myself pressing the power button when I meant to press the volume buttons. That is no longer an issue. The tablet is also a little easier to hold than before, thanks to the squared design.

One negative of the new model: the mini HDMI port has been removed. But Kindle’s OS now allows users to flip what they’re watching on their tablet to your home device (like a PS3) using Amazon’s Video app. Netflix also allows users this ability. So the mini HDMI port is a bit of a wash, though I imagine some will be disappointed by this missing component.

The best aspect of the redesign is the weight. The Fire HD wasn’t a particularly heavy tablet, but for those who binge read (like me) you probably know that the tablet can wear you down after a while. The new HDX is about 30% lighter than the Fire HD, making it an easier tablet to hold for long hours. It’s also a tad smaller, too, while retaining the same 7-inch screen size.

My only major gripe with the HDX thus far has been a persistent blue border that surrounds the vertical sides when there’s a white screen present. I’m guessing it’s a reflection of the white against the black plastic surrounding the glass, but I do find it a bit distracting — far more distracting that the previous Fire or Fire HD. I’ll have to check out another HDX at Best Buy soon and see if they have this issue, too. If not, it could mean I have a defective screen. I’ll update this article as soon as I know for sure.

The HDX also includes a charger. For some inexplicable reason, Amazon opted not to include a wall charger for the Kindle Fire HD last year. Instead, they sold the charger as a separate accessory, which felt a little cheap. The HDX rectifies this problem, but creates another – the plug is too damn cumbersome, taking up two plug spots instead (on a surge protector) and nearly taking up two slots on a wall socket. It’s not a bulky plug, either. In fact, the plug looks quite similar to the Apple wall charger, except it’s larger all the way around, instead of perfectly square with a wall socket. Here’s what they look like side-by-side:

It’s not a major issue, but it’s a silly design choice that’s sure to piss off some buyers.

I can’t wait to see what comes next with the Kindle readers. I’m hoping to see a tablet that has an HD (maybe 3D) screen on one side, and e-ink on the other. Perhaps that’s a pipe dream, but I’m hoping it’s coming in the next year or two. We’ll see.

For those looking for a great electronic reader that’s also useful and effective for portable gaming, media playback, video chatting and tablet uses, the Kindle Fire HDX is certainly a great option, second only to Apple (and catching up). Build quality is outstanding, the processor is quick and the redesign is great. And there’s plenty of value to be found with the tablet, like customer-friendly goodies such as Mayday, a live video customer service chat line. (I did not get to test Mayday, but it seemed quite functional.)

The HDX is not an iPad killer, but it is a pretty great competitor that stacks up well in many aspects, especially when it comes to cost and ease of use. If you’re in the market for a tablet, give it some consideration. And if you’re on a budget, I’d definitely check out the previous Fire HD. It’s still an awesome tablet.

Shameless plug time! If you own a Kindle (or have the free Kindle app on your phone), check out my short story, The Stray Cats. CLICK HERE to buy a copy!