Randy Shaffer's Blog, page 2

Part 5: Horror Obscure

Part 6: Sci-fi Horror

13 Halloween Horror Delights on Netflix

10 More Awesome Midnight Movies That Will Blow Your F**king Mind

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Also, if you haven’t already, check out my short stories, Does She Smile at Home?, The Stray Cats and The Horror. They’re just .99 cents each. CLICK HERE to buy your copies today!

I love my readers, and I love my Twitter followers, too! Be sure to follow me on Twitter.

#6: First Dildo in Space (that we know of)

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Published on November 22, 2013 06:55

November 15, 2013

Jean-Claude Van Damme is More Awesome Than You, And That’s OK!

A Sprinkle of Awesome #7 – This video of Jean-Claude Van Damme doing an epic split just went up a few days ago, and I absolutely had to share it because it’s a marvel. Hell, it’s such a marvel, if I were crazy stupid rich, I would buy a Volvo Truck just because of how utterly awesome (and effective) this commercial truly is.

Don’t believe me? See for yourself…

JCVD has still got it. Screw Chuck Norris. This guy is where it’s at. Case in point, this hilarious action sequence:

Or this…

Happy Friday!

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More in the “Awesome” series:

#5: The OSU Marching Band

#4: Bad Lip-Reading Videos

#3: Vine Videos

#2: GoPro Cameras

#1: Bryan Cranston on Power Rangers

***

Also, if you haven’t already, check out my short stories, Does She Smile at Home?, The Stray Cats and The Horror. They’re just .99 cents each. CLICK HERE to buy your copies today!

I love my readers, and I love my Twitter followers, too! Be sure to follow me on Twitter.

Part 1: Horror Classics

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Published on November 15, 2013 05:55

November 14, 2013

10 Awesome Midnight Movies That Will Blow Your F**king Mind

Everyone loves a good movie, but what about those of us that like a good, wacky, gonzo piece of entertainment to watch in the wee hours of the morning?

Midnight movies are a special breed of film. There needs that perfect combination of wild, real, dreamy and exploitative. Not every cult film fits the bill, either. There’s something truly special about a midnight movie, and that’s what this series will explore.

Throughout the month of November, I’ll be listing some of my favorite midnight movies. These are films that blow my fucking mind, and I hope they’ll blow your mind, too.

Have some other suggestions? Feel free to sound off in the comments with your own favorite midnight movies.

Here we go…

(These are presented in no particular order)

***

Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure

Tim Burton’s first feature-length movie is still one of his very best. This one is great at midnight because of the creepy ass nightmare sequences. But even without those scenes, the film is crammed with bizarre imagery, awesome characters and Burton’s token wit, style and cartoon-like atmosphere.

Starcrash

Hands down, the best, weirdest, most gonzo Star Wars knock off you will ever see. The director claimed he wanted to make a wild amalgamation of his favorite B-movies, and it shows. Where else are you gonna find a heroine in a bikini (for half the film), a lightsaber-wielding David Hasselhoff, a southern robot, and a planet of Amazonian women who ride pink horses and control a giant robot? Nowhere else, at least nowhere but Starcrash.

From Beyond

A great, dreamy midnight movie crammed with more than a handful of inventive, terrifying movie monsters. The effects are awesome and the story has all the right ingredients – sex, gore, nudity, monsters. It’s all there, and it’s all completely awesome!

The Rocky Horror Picture Show

This is the mother of all midnight movies. I’m actually not a fan of it, but I had to include it because, well … I don’t love it, but that doesn’t mean you won’t, so give it a shot. After all, there’s a lot of weirdness to be had, not to mention some terrific songs. If you can, see this one in a crowded theater filled with Rocky Horror fans. It’s an experience that must be seen to be believed.

Harold & Maude

One of the single best romances ever, and it features a love affair between a twentysomething and an 80-year-old woman. You won’t ever forget this hilarious, uplifting, tragic proto-Wes Anderson masterpiece. It’s great during the day, but there’s a new life to it after midnight. Also, be sure to check out Charlie Bartlett, a film that owes a lot to Harold & Maude, and almost feels like a spiritual sequel in some ways.

From Dusk Till Dawn

The less you know about From Dusk Till Dawn, the better. But that’s probably impossible at this point. This film is equal parts gory exploitation fest, crime thriller and horror film. The combination proves titalating, fun and unforgettable. Also check out Vamp, a film that From Dusk Till Dawn owes a lot to.

After Hours

If From Dusk Till Dawn owes a lot to Vamps, Vamps owes a lot to Martin Scorsese’s insane comedy. If you think you know the Oscar-winning director, think again. After Hours is a crazy ride through a different side of Scorsese.

Magic

The first, of many, films to explore the idea of killer dolls. This one doesn’t actually feature a killer doll, but there’s one moment that will have you scratching your head, and questioning everything you’ve seen. Plus, Anthony Hopkins knocks this one out of the park. He actually learned ventriloquism for this feature. Impressive.

The Room

Tommy Wiseau’s inept, and completely hilarious, movie is best viewed after a few beers (or whatever spirit brings you to a place of happiness), in a sold out midnight showing filled with die hard fans. If you want to laugh your ass off, this film is your winner. The Room is top class “worst movie ever” entertainment at its finest. Oh, if you see this one at the theater, be sure to bring a few plastic spoons. You’ll thank me later.

Mulholland Drive

Nobody does late night movies better than David Lynch. You’ll end up staying up long past midnight scouring the internet for clues as to what the hell this film is actually about. I’ve seen it a dozen times, at least, and I still can’t say what every single scene represents.

Yawn. Already seen these films? No problem! Be sure to check back next week for 10 MORE Midnight Movies That Will Blow Your F**king Mind! We’ll dive a little deeper into the depths for some truly wacky midnight madness.

Need more movie suggestions? Here are September and October’s Lists!

Part 2: Horror Books

Part 5: Horror Obscure

Part 6: Sci-fi Horror

13 Halloween Horror Delights on Netflix

***

Also, if you haven’t already, check out my short stories, Does She Smile at Home?, The Stray Cats and The Horror. They’re just .99 cents each. CLICK HERE to buy your copies today!

I love my readers, and I love my Twitter followers, too! Be sure to follow me on Twitter.

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Published on November 14, 2013 05:45

November 12, 2013

Short Story: Does She Smile at Home? out now on Amazon

This month I’ll be releasing not one, but two stories, exclusively on Amazon. The first (a short story) is titled Does She Smile at Home?

The illustration on this cover was drawn by my young nephew, Zach.

Plot Synopsis for Does She Smile at Home?

In the midst of an existential crisis, a middle-aged man comes upon Dolores, a lowly grocery store clerk who never seems to smile. Confused and haunted by this woman’s poisonous demeanor, and suspecting the riddle of her existence will somehow solve his own emotional puzzle, the man follows her home to see what her life is like. What he discovers stirs him to his very core, and changes him forever.

You can check out this short story for just .99 cents on Amazon. CLICK HERE to buy.

Note: You can read the story on any Kindle device or on your phone, computer or tablet just by downloading the Kindle app.

Some Background for Does She Smile at Home?

This powerful, inspirational drama strays from my standard comforts of the thriller/sci-fi/horror genre and explores the nature of hope, depression, and social/economic struggle through an existential lens. Rich with moody characters, brisk fall imagery and thoughtful metaphor, the story is meant for those who struggle to make ends meet, but hope for a better day.

Also, if you haven’t already, check out my thrilling short stories, The Stray Cats and The Horror. Both stories only .99 cents each. CLICK HERE to buy your copies today!

The Horror:

What if the horrors of a seemingly innocent and fun haunted house attraction were real? What if someone were inside with you, stalking you and feeding on your fear? What if every corner of the maze were deadly? What if you couldn’t get out?

The Horror tells the story of Lisa and Alan, two college teens visiting a theatrical haunted maze themed after local urban legends. Once inside it becomes clear that the macabre, grisly sights are not just smoke and mirrors, and gallons of fake blood, but the gory work of a deranged psychopath who is inside the house, hunting them.

The Stray Cats:

Jennifer Riley is trying to pick up the shattered pieces of her life in the aftermath of an abusive husband. Despite her positive outlook, Jennifer feels an emptiness in her heart. That’s when Callie, an adorable tabby cat, appears on her doorstep seeking shelter. Jennifer allows the feline into her home, but soon another cat shows up at her doorstep … and another … and another … and another. What is causing this strange preponderance of cats? Is it Jennifer’s bizarre neighbors, each one seemingly weirder than the next? Is it her own selfish desire to fill her lonely days? Or is there something far more deadly at play? … something fiendish lurking within the woods surrounding Forest Street.

***

Stay tuned for more news regarding my second short (a novelette). It’s a “to be titled” straight-faced Christmas parody, due on Black Friday. More on that story in the coming days.

I love my readers, and I love my Twitter followers, too! Be sure to follow me on Twitter.

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Published on November 12, 2013 05:55

November 11, 2013

NSFW: First Sex Toy In Space (that we know of)

A Sprinkle of Awesome #6 – This one is NSFW, folks, so click with caution, or when you get home from work, school or Grandma’s house. Scratch that, show Grandma.

Anyway, someone sent me this video a few weeks back and I’ve been waiting for just the right moment to share it. Since it’s Monday, and I’m feeling sassy, I thought I’d post it today for your enjoyment.

Ladies and gentlemen, behold … the first sex toy in space (that we know of):

Not only is this a genuinely fantastic experiment, but the post-editing and use of Strauss elevates this video to epic heights. Here is the original, unedited video:

I don’t have much else to say here. I keep finding myself watching this video over and over again. It makes me laugh my laugh ass off, and it makes me smile knowing that there are science geeks out there with the will to act, and a kinky sense of humor.

But I can’t help but wonder if any unassuming citizens witnessed that dildo dropping from the sky. Did they think aliens were raining dildos on us poor saps? The world may never know.

Why Corey Feldman Deserves Your Respect

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Published on November 11, 2013 06:41

November 7, 2013

That Time I Got Farted On At Blockbuster: In Memoriam

Welcome to Different Perspectives, an essay series designed to offer a new, more positive perspective on an entertainer, company or piece of entertainment that fans and viewers may not have considered.

***

It was announced on November 6, 2013 that DISH Network Corp., had decided to pull the plug on Blockbuster’s retail outlets and DVD mailing service.

The mailing service will finish out in late December. All remaining stores will close by January 2014. This means that more than 300 locations across the United States will cease operations and roughly 2800 employees, who are barely making above minimum wage, will lose their jobs.

Merry Christmas?

Naturally, to some degree, I can understand the reasoning for closing Blockbuster. The place has slowly declined in value over the years and has struggled to come back out on top. But it still stings knowing that many good people will probably lose their jobs right after the holidays. Even worse, they may potentially be forced to close their own store down, an emotional and physically tasking duty that is not very easy when your inventory consists of heavy wooden shelves and thousands of relatively small discs, not to mention a lot of red tape.

Even though the company hasn’t been active in my neck of the woods for several years, I am going to miss Blockbuster

I grew up renting movies from my corner store. If it weren’t for Blockbuster, I might very well be someone completely different. I wouldn’t have rented EVERY single horror film they had after I saw Scream and suddenly craved more thrills and chills. I might not have fallen in love with James Bond movies, or seen Alien, The Godfather or even Gremlins … at least not during my formative years. I might not have become a writer.

And don’t even get me started on games. My love for Nintendo basically lives and dies by the almighty hand of Blockbuster. Without them, I wouldn’t have played Super Mario 2, Metroid or The Legend of Zelda (among others). When I was young, I opted for video games based on movies, so my parents would purchase titles that weren’t always of the best quality (damn you, LJN!). You can only play the shitty Back to the Future Nintendo games so long before you desire to play something else, something good. And that’s where Blockbuster came in.

In truth, I am going to miss Blockbuster so much, I wish I didn’t have the painful memory of working there.

For five months, I worked at Blockbuster Video. It was the sort of job any teenager who loves movies would want. You get to talk about all kinds of films with customers. You get to point them in the right direction, to a genre or specific title they might not have seen. And you get to rent all the films and games you want … for FREE!

The only problem was, I was a 27-year-old adult, and it was the only job available in my neck of the woods. And worse, the company was already on the decline.

My experiences at Blockbuster were, for lack of better words, fucking terrible. I hated working there. It was a dysfunctional environment right from the start, with corporate constantly changing their strategies in order to find their financial footing, and putting needless pressure on simple video store clerks just trying to get by. In the time I worked there, their platform changed at least four times.

At first, they offered a rather clever $10-a-month service that gave you one free new release a week, and unlimited $1 catalog rentals. Then the service they pushed was some outrageous gimmick (I can’t even recall what it was anymore) that cost close to $30-a-month. I flat-out refused to sell this one to customers as I saw absolutely no value in it. People don’t come to a store to pay a monthly fee. They come to rent movies when they want. I was written up for my defiance, despite being the top seller of the $10-a-month service in my store.

Then Blockbuster had the great idea to turn their stores into a tech hub (like Best Buy), complete with TVs, Blu-ray players, satellite dishes and cheap iPod knockoffs for sale. It would have been a great platform … in 1997, when people had money and cared about big box tech. But in 2008, in the midst of a hard-hitting economic recession, no one cared. And worse, Blockbuster just expected employees to be able to sell these products. Soon, it was no longer about the movies. It was about keeping Blockbuster afloat. They even juggled their rental prices during this time, but those prices rarely went down. In one store I worked at (a rich neighborhood), a rental cost over $8! This was during an era when Redbox was starting to show up, charging only a buck for DVDs.

As Blockbuster’s sales dwindled, employee morale dropped. Hours were cut, people were laid off. But management received constant pressures to keep things going, and going strong (even though things were getting worse by the day), which only added to the trouble.

I suffer from a debilitating form of tissue gout, which attacks skin tissue, rendering it impossible to do even the simplest of tasks when I am suffering from an attack. For anyone unaware, tissue gout troubles about 1 in 20 gout patients. Also, in about 1 in 100 gout patients are lucky enough to have both kinds of gout. I have both kinds and sometimes they strike at once. Yay me! It’s an excruciating ordeal and thankfully, through pain management and several years of trail and error with various medications, it is well under control. But it was bad the year I worked at Blockbuster. Really bad.

In October 2008, I suffered the single worst gout attack of my life. Both wrists and both feet were hit hard and I could not walk nor write. I recall sitting on my couch crying for hours because it hurt to even sit. I had to crawl myself into bed, a feat that took nearly a half-hour. I laid there and sobbed, in a pain I would not wish upon my worst enemy. It was blinding and constant, never ceasing to remind me it was there. Looking back, I have no idea how I survived the ordeal without losing my mind.

In October 2008, I also worked at Blockbuster. I had to work the night I was suffering most, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to go in. I could barely sit, let alone drive a car and stand for eight hours. I called my Blockbuster in the morning to tell them I wouldn’t be coming in.

“Well, I don’t know. We don’t have anybody here. You’re gonna have to come in.”

“But I literally can’t move,” I said, tears running down my cheeks.

“I’m not working a double shift. And there’s no one to cover you, so you have to come in.” This was my manager speaking, by the way. My superior.

Eventually, I made a few calls to other employees myself. One of them came in and worked for me, though they made me feel like the devil for asking them. Usually, Blockbuster had a “floater” system for just such an occasion. This system allowed for an on-call employee in the event someone got sick. But that system was no longer in place, not all the time anyway. Things had gotten that bad.

That’s not a good place to work. Every human being, as a basic right, should be allowed to take a day off if they are sick. It’s not always for that employee, either. It’s for the safety of everyone else.

Just one week later and it was announced my store would close, the first of many closures for the rental giant that year. I figured I would be laid off, but Blockbuster still wanted me. I was, after all, a great salesman. I also knew both movies and tech. They kept trying to make me a supervisor, even though I begged them just to let me be their “on-site movie guy.” I didn’t want a career at Blockbuster, not now. I just wanted a mindless job to supplement my career as a writer and film critic.

Closing that store was one of the single-worst experiences I have ever had at a job. The corporate offices teased employment with many of the employees, basically saying “if you help us close the store, we’ll keep you on.” It was an awful way to work, and people were dropping like flies. Looking back, I should have left then.

During this time, I became close friends with one of the supervisors. She was a kind, thoughtful older lady who had struggled throughout her life. Someone even tried to kill her once, as part of a gang initiation. They shot at her, point blank range. By some miracle, the bullet missed her completely, not unlike that scene from Pulp Fiction.

Her and I enjoyed talking. We discussed TV and movies. I turned her on to Firefly and Serenity. She turned me on to John Wayne movies. We also talked politics and even dove into controversial issues. She gave me some interesting perspectives to consider about the South. Her family owned a slave-free plantation that was burned to the ground by the North during the Civil War. Her family never recovered. She’s still bitter and untrusting because of it. In some ways, all these years later, that scar has become part of her character.

She worked hard at Blockbuster. She was one of the most organized employees I had ever seen. She was diligent and loyal and cared about her fellow employees just as much as she cared about Blockbuster. But she didn’t know tech, and that’s what Blockbuster was looking for (that week). Management dangled a supervisor position over her head. She needed the money, so she stayed on and closed the store. And when she was finished, they cut her loose.

I moved to a corner store just down the street from my home even though I didn’t like working for Blockbuster anymore, nor did I really want to work there now. I wasn’t a bad employee during that time, but I was certainly cynical and had very little desire to complete tasks with any efficiency. It killed me knowing I was kept on, and this diligent, great employee who truly wanted a career at Blockbuster was fired.

That’s when I got farted on.

It was closing time and only two customers remained in the store, a young couple, no older than 25. They strolled through the aisles in search of a movie to watch. Annoyed by how slow they were moving, even after an announcement ten minutes earlier was made that we were closing, I approached them.

“Just to let you know, we are technically closed now,” I said.

“I don’t care,” the man said flatly. His girlfriend laughed and muttered “Kevin” as she chuckled.

This “Kevin”was pretending to be tough. “Well, was there anything in particular that you were looking for?” I asked.

“Nope,” he responded.

“Okay, well, I’ll give you a few more minutes to make a selection.”

I returned to the front counter and checked in returned discs. My fellow employee retreated to the back to finalize our daily numbers and call our district manager. Nearly fifteen minutes went by. It didn’t even seem like this couple was interested in renting a movie. They chatted and laughed as they circled the videos, never once stopping to look at a title. I started to panic they were casing the place, and I was about to get robbed. I walked over to “Kevin” again.

“Look, I hate to do this, but I’m gonna have to ask you to make a selection, if you can. We can’t have customers in the store after a certain time.”

That was true. Like many retail outlets, Blockbuster had a safety policy that would get me written up if someone was in the store past closing for too long. It wasn’t really to protect our customers, it was to protect me.

“Kevin” looked over at me and scoffed. He grabbed a random DVD from the shelf and made his way to the checkout counter.

I rung “Kevin” out and followed him to the exit, a standard procedure so we could lock the door behind the last customer. There was an issue with his rental card (he owed late fees), but I wasn’t about to say anything and keep him there any longer, so I bypassed them. The whole process was tense, like he was ready to punch me simply for stepping on his time. I remained calm, even though I wanted to pummel this teenage jerk. I kept my hands at the ready in case he wanted to rob the place, or throw down.

As he left the building and sauntered into the glass foyer, he turned to me. “This is what I think of Blockbuster.” And then he farted, all over my blue polo.

What came from that man’s ass was beyond foul. In fact, I worry about the structural integrity of his own internal organs. It’s what I imagine a rotting zombie’s gas might smell like. Its foulness was so intense, my mouth is beginning to gag as I write this.

I stormed back into the store. I was coughing, sick and filled with rage. My fellow employee came out to see what the commotion was. He foolishly didn’t believe me about the fart. He innocently stepped into the foyer for just one moment. He returned mere seconds later and immediately rushed to the bathroom.

As I returned to my work, I could hear the echoes of my fellow employee as he vomited into the toilet. That man’s fart was beyond awful. I wouldn’t even categorize it as a smell. No, it was … evil. It too, I would not wish upon even my worst enemy.

Needless to say, that was the last night I worked at Blockbuster. I quit the following day. And just three months later, that Blockbuster was closed, replaced by a cheeky bar and grill.

Obviously, it wasn’t Blockbuster’s fault that I got farted on. There is no procedure for such a thing on their books. I don’t blame Blockbuster for that incident, and I want that to be clear. Honestly, I don’t hold a grudge at Blockbuster for any of the crap they put their employees through. It wasn’t perfect, but they just wanted to stay afloat, and they made some bad decisions along the way.

But that event, and my story, was indicative of where Blockbuster was going, down the shitter. You often hear the term, “I got shit on at work,” but never before was it so literal to me than that incident.

Now, I must say this. My blog is about the nature of positivity in entertainment, and I don’t want to trash Blockbuster while they’re down. I loved going to Blockbuster. I loved renting movies from them. They have shaped, in part, who I am today. At one point, Blockbuster was Hollywood to me. It was where movies, art and new stars found their customers, and we found them.

That said, Blockbuster was a company that, in its twilight years, failed to evolve in the right ways. It was a sinking ship. And in their haste, they often tossed from the boat the very ideas and people who might have been able to keep them afloat.

The ship might not have sunk had they dramatically reduced their prices right at the cusp of the recession. People want their rentals cheap.

They might have survived longer had they stolen the streaming rental business models early on, and did it better. The current state of online rentals is overpriced and limited. They could have dominated that market and shown everyone the way.

They might have survived had they not gone experimental with their ideas and practices. People came to Blockbuster to rent movies, and that should have always taken precedence over any other need.

But I do take solace in knowing that some rental giants are still out there. When I finish writing this essay I’ll be trekking down to my local Family Video to rent a movie. And later on, in the wee hours of the morning, I will likely sit down, relax and watch a film on Netflix Instant Streaming, a service that only gets better and better each month. Blockbuster could have had both markets, but they stopped focusing on movies and started focusing solely on getting themselves out of debt, often at the customer’s expense.

I love Blockbuster. And it saddens me that they’re gone. It’s also upsetting to know that nearly 3000 people will be out of work by January. The job market has gained some traction, and I hope that everyone finds a new position, and soon.

While my memories of working at Blockbuster may only serve as a reminder to why they are no longer around, I choose to leave you with this … during their heyday, Blockbuster brought Hollywood home. And that was pretty damn great.

***

Different Perspectives essay series:

The Dark Knight Rises – A Deeply Personal Film Christopher Nolan Didn’t Want to Make

Rob Zombie’s Halloween II: The Sequel That Gets No Love

Movie 43 Isn’t That Bad

***

Shameless plug time! If you own a Kindle (or have the free Kindle app on your phone), check out my thrilling short stories, The Stray Cats and The Horror. CLICK HERE to buy your copies today! Also, my latest short story, Does She Smile At Home?, releases Nov. 12, 2013. Mark your calendars!

And lastly, be sure to follow me on Twitter for rants, raves, promos, news, essays and everything in between.

The Dark Knight Rises – A Deeply Personal Film Christopher Nolan Didn’t Want to Make

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Published on November 07, 2013 05:48

November 6, 2013

Why Corey Feldman Deserves Your Respect

Welcome to Different Perspectives, an essay series designed to offer a new, more positive perspective on an entertainer or piece of entertainment that fans and viewers may not have considered.

***

It’s May 24, 2010, and I am standing in the basement of Annabell’s Cocktail Lounge in Akron, Ohio. If you haven’t been to Annabell’s, allow me to paint you a quick picture. The place is small, about the size of any corner watering hole. It’s usually filled with a colorful collection of young artists, hipsters and drunks. A Yelp user review describes the customers of Annabell’s as “Cheers meets the Star Wars cantina.” In other words, the place is a unique hangout for those who follow an alternative path.

Below the main bar is a concert venue. The walls are painted jet black, and between the noise and thumping footsteps of the patrons above, it feels as if you are in a bomb shelter during an apocalypse. The ceiling leaks, it’s hot and muggy, and it smells of booze and sweat.

This is where dreams and ideas are born. Where bar patrons become fans of performers. This is a place where people, like you or me, put their heart out on the line and share their vision of the world with others. It is a place that, in the warm summer months, feels almost like hell. But to any artist hoping to rise the ranks, this place is everything. It’s where you begin, where you celebrate, and where you return to. It’s home.

This is where I met Corey Feldman.

I’ve been a fan of Feldman, and his frequent costar Corey Haim, since I was about 6 years old. It started with movies like Gremlins, The Lost Boys and The ‘Burbs, and continued on with other hits like License to Drive, Stand By Me, Dream a Little Dream, Friday the 13th Part 4 (and 5) and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Feldman voiced Donatello for two of the three live-action films).

It’s an odd experience being a fan of two actors who are often lumped into the “Teen Beat” category and idolized by preteen girls. It put me in a strange place that made me an easy target for ridicule and bullying.

But I saw something in both actors, something that spoke to me. They were likable and relatable on many levels. They were geeks, like me. When Haim died, I was deeply crushed. It was like losing a long lost brother whom I had cared about, but never met. As a writer and filmmaker, I had hoped to one day work with “The Two Coreys.” It was a silly dream, perhaps, but they were a part of my youth, and I owed it to them.

The week Haim died, I found myself in a nasty argument on Facebook with an old friend over whether Haim had been the victim of a drug overdose. “Haim’s a drug user. That means he’s a loser,” my friend contended. His compassion was flattened by his own brute arrogance.

“We don’t know how he died,” I argued. “But if Feldman thinks he was clean, he was clean.” I pointed to the video above and went on to talk about how drug abuse was a sickness that haunted Haim. I spoke of Haim’s sexual abuse, and how that had damaged his soul. My friend simply couldn’t see that.

“Once a loser, always a loser. I’m glad he’s gone,” he told me.

My friend didn’t even apologize after the autopsy came back and revealed that Haim did not die of an overdose, but of pneumonia. Regardless, my friend and I no longer talk. There’s no reason dealing with someone that mean, that close-minded.

I’ve long been compelled to write about Corey Feldman, but it’s a touchy, personal subject. Feldman is a polarizing figure, he even admits as much. He is a trusting man, not unlike his old idol, Michael Jackson. As such, he tends to find himself on the defensive in interviews. He adores his many fans just as much as he seemingly despises aspects of the media and the public eye. You would too, if you were attacked every time you so much as breathed on TV.

So, I am here to tell you that Corey Feldman deserves your respect.

Back to 2010.

Feldman’s band, Truth Movement, had booked Annabell’s as part of a tour to promote their newest album, Technology Analogy. Unlike so many glossy, over-produced stage productions, Feldman rocked out old school. The band was tucked into a tiny nook, but they made the space work, and the show was actually quite brilliant, complete with gonzo set pieces and some great tracks that really rocked the house. Feldman pushed himself to his limits, and probably beyond. Sweat poured from his body and you could almost see him lose weight on stage as he reached the end of his set.

Unsurprisingly, the venue proved to be far too tiny to sustain the legions of Corey fans who flooded the small basement to watch him perform. I frowned every time someone made fun of him, though. Most did not come to mock him, to be sure, but there were some who took pleasure in destroying his art. They threw out tired movie references and pretended Feldman was some kind of trained monkey, doing tricks for our entertainment. One drunk patron kept yelling “Do Mouth from Goonies!”

But as the evening went on, the mood changed. Some might have come to make fun of Corey Feldman and his band, but by the end of the night, they were all having fun. Through hard work, tough skin, care and showmanship, Corey had won them over.

As the concert came to a close, he returned to the stage for an encore. He asked the audience what they would like to hear. Dozens of fans threw out suggestions for Michael Jackson songs and tracks like Dream a Little Dream or Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car. The drunk patron yelled “Do Mouth from Goonies!” another dozen times.

That’s where I came in. At well over six feet, I towered over most of the audience. And in that moment I met eyes with Corey. I yelled, “Cry Little Sister!” His eyes twinkled, he pointed at me and nodded. It was probably the cue he was waiting for, though he scrambled to find the lyrics and sheet music for the band.

What followed was one of the single coolest encores I have ever witnessed (you can watch him perform the song at another concert shown below). The audience exploded with cheers. They loved it. Corey had left them clapping, howling and screaming for more. It was a perfect concert. And it was also symbolic of who Corey Feldman was, and where he was going.

Annabell’s felt like a beginning, a new chapter for the actor. In the years leading up to that May 2010 concert, Corey Feldman had been hit with some tough emotional waves. In June 2009, Feldman’s friend, Michael Jackson, had passed away. A few months later, in late 2009, he got divorced, an event that has seemingly shaken his foundation of trust. And in March 2010, just months before the concert, his friend and longtime screen star, Corey Haim, had suddenly died.

Making matters worse, over the years, Feldman’s image had been painfully dragged through the mud by exploitation artists and journalists hoping to get clicks for mocking him. He had been scrutinized, ridiculed and bullied by the media. But it was time for Corey to move on to bigger and better endeavors. It was time to put it all out there once more. It was time to revive his old fans, turn some naysayers, and find a new audience all at the same time. And it worked.

It’s now 2013 and Feldman is working around the clock. He has a new solo album, Ascension Millennium. He’s got several films – both mainstream and indie – rolling out in the near future, not to mention a half-dozen other film projects in the pipe. In addition to his film appearances, he is voicing the role of Slash on the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles animated series, and recently he narrated (and appeared) in the absolutely terrific 4-hour Friday the 13th documentary, Crystal Lake Memories. He also has a new book, the cleverly titled Coreyography – a memoir about his roller-coaster private life, his tarnished public persona, and the work that made him a star.

But there is a shadow that looms over Corey’s career. There are those who still enjoy picking and prodding at him in public.

His critics point to his latest venture, Corey’s Angels, as something of a sticking point. Corey’s Angels is a modeling and talent agency of sorts, similar to how Playboy operates. And like Playboy, Corey’s Angels also happens to occasionally hold lavish lingerie parties.

Ostensibly, Corey’s Angels may seem, to some, like a dream crafted by a man struggling to overcome a bitter divorce or a failing career. It may also look like prostitution, perversion or deviancy to others. If nothing else, a cash grab (the parties run upwards of $250). But I do not know what Corey’s Angels is, not completely anyway.

Like so many journalists, writers and critics who have made their own judgments, I have not seen one of his parties, that is, outside a few articles that seemed destined to turn the venture into a punchline.

I have not yet experienced Feldman’s new brand of entertainment. But I have written about sex and alternative lifestyles. In 2013, I completed a nonfiction narrative on the subject. In that book, I detailed strip clubs, sex dens, adult theaters and swing clubs. I saw it all and I can say this … Corey’s Angels does not appear to fall into the sexual spectrum so many critics have categorized it.

If nothing else, it falls into that same gray area explored by the likes of Victoria’s Secret, Hugh Hefner, or any Average Joe who’s eaten at a Hooters. Corey’s Angels seems to be an idea where beauty is idolized, happiness is king, and careers begin to find their footing.

To be honest, I would relish in the opportunity to experience a Corey’s Angels party at his mansion. I would love to have the full perspective. But for now, I’d prefer to any judgments at the door. Not everything is what it seems. It never is.

Enter Coreyography.

I picked up the book along with Nick Offerman’s Paddle Your Own Canoe. Both memoirs are also available on Audible, narrated by their respective authors. If you are a Kindle owner, I suggest picking up both the book and the audiobook for maximum enjoyment. Both narrations are outstanding and add quite a lot of texture to their tales.

I had actually read very little about either book and assumed both would be a funny jaunt through history as seen through the eyes of two of my all-time favorite entertainers. What I got instead was an eye-opening experience. I planned to swap back and forth between both books, but once I sunk my teeth into Coreyography, I couldn’t put it down. In less than two days, I had read the whole book.

It was actually strange returning to Offerman’s memoir, which serves as a complete contrast to Coreyography, from Offerman’s lighthearted upbringing to his success as an entertainer and husband. Corey was famous, but he didn’t quite have Offerman’s luck.

I liked Corey Feldman before I read Coreyography. And I respected him. I have defended his character and his work over the years, even though I sometimes chuckle at his outlandish ways. He’s a sensitive entertainer and a wildly fascinating entrepreneur. But he’s also a frustrated, peaceful human being whose perspective is often glossed over and forgotten for no good reason.

Coreyography is as much about Feldman’s life as it is about setting the record straight. The book is a demand for his respect, and he earns it. He not only starred in some of your favorite films from the 1980s, but he’s also suffered more than a lifetime (or two) of pain, all before he was in his 40s. He and his friend, Haim, were a victims of child abuse and molestation. Together, they bonded over their success, but also over their darkest secrets. They both fell to drugs. They both made terrible decisions. They were both haunted men. But Feldman endured. He broke free of drugs. He cleaned himself up. He returned to entertaining his fans with fresh ideas and fistfuls of love. He even helped inspire his friend to do the same.

That didn’t change how some have perceived Feldman. He is still, for whatever reason, a punching bag for some media outlets. Perhaps it was his gimmicky reality TV stints, or all the self-referential cameo appearances (he admits to loathing these decisions in his book). Either way, it is not fair. After years of bullying, abuse and sexual molestation, Feldman is still getting picked on.

A friend once described her life as being on “hard mode.” That sentiment has stayed with me over the years. I think it fits well with Feldman’s persona. He’s continued on, despite his critics. And he’s found his fans. He’s active on Twitter, retweeting and commenting on nearly every tweet that’s sent his way. He’s still trusting, too. It might be considered a fault, but it is who he is, and it’s what has made him the bright, shining enigma that he is today.

On some level, his book is actually about awareness of child abuse and molestation in Hollywood. It serves as a stunning warning to those who want to enter that world. Hollywood can be a place where dreams come true, but it’s also a place of extreme darkness, and not every corner is safe. Feldman saw it first-hand, and he tries, quite passionately, to convey that message.

Feldman is not a perfect person. None of us are. I’m not asking for people to be fans of him. If you like his work, and I know there are a lot of you, that’s great. If you don’t, that’s also fine. But that doesn’t mean you’ve earned the right to bully or publicly mock him. There’s a lot to respect about Feldman. He’s worked hard to change the face of Hollywood, to stop molestation and child abuse. His only desire, it would seem, is to keep pushing that message until something can be done. He even admits, as busy as he is, he isn’t in the public eye much anymore. So when he is, he’s a pistol, firing out passionate arguments and defending himself.

But Corey Feldman has also changed people. He’s made several genre and cult classics. Films that inspire young writers, actors and filmmakers. He’s made people laugh, cry, and howl with joy. His music speaks to his fans and helps him find peace. And his book reveals his tragic, brutal upbringing, and his ultimate redemption. He is a man who constantly puts himself out there, even with the odds stacked against him. He is always trying to achieve the dream of every man – to be remembered for one’s successes, not your faults.

Like anyone who brushes past the negative aspects of our culture, the criticism and the destroyers of creativity, he deserves your respect for trying, and for sometimes succeeding. He deserves your respect for shaping nostalgia of the 1980s. But most of all, he deserves your respect for enduring the depths of hell and raising awareness about molestation and pedophilia.

And soon enough, like that night in Annabell’s, he will win the crowd.

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Different Perspectives essay series:

Rob Zombie’s Halloween II: The Sequel That Gets No Love

Movie 43 Isn’t That Bad

Curse of Chucky Indeed

Fright Night II: New Blood- A Deserving Sequel

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And lastly, be sure to follow me on Twitter for rants, raves, promos, news, essays and everything in between.

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Published on November 06, 2013 05:39

November 5, 2013

New Short Story Coming November 12, 2013

This month I’ll be releasing not one, but two stories, exclusively on Amazon. The first (a short story) is a character drama titled Does She Smile At Home? The second tale (a novelette) is a “to be titled” Christmas parody, due on Black Friday. More on that story in the coming days.

Plot Synopsis for Does She Smile At Home?

In the midst of his own existential crisis, a middle-aged man comes upon Dolores, a lowly grocery store clerk who never seems to smile. Confused and haunted by this woman’s poisonous demeanor, and suspecting the riddle of her existence will somehow solve his own emotional puzzle, the man follows her home to see what her life is like. What he discovers stirs him to his very core, and changes him forever.

Some Background

Does She Smile At Home? strays from my standard comforts of the thriller/sci-fi/horror genre and explores the nature of hope, depression, and social/economic struggle through an existential lens. Rich with moody characters, brisk fall imagery and thoughtful metaphor, the story is meant for those who struggle to make ends meet, but hope for a better day.

Here is a sneak peek at the cover:

The illustration on this cover was drawn by my young nephew, Zach.

Does She Smile At Home? will be available through Amazon Kindle on November 12, 2013. Note: You can read the story on any Kindle device or on your phone, computer or tablet just by downloading the Kindle app.

If you haven’t already, check out my thrilling short stories, The Stray Cats and The Horror. Both are now only .99 cents. CLICK HERE to buy your copies today! And be sure to follow me on Twitter.

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Published on November 05, 2013 06:15

November 4, 2013

Top 13 Favorite Horror Films Part 666: Sci-Fi Horror

Okay, I decided to do one more week of Halloween Horror Lists, and do a top 13 list because, well … spooky.

This week’s list details my favorite sci-fi horror features. Enjoy, and feel free to post your favorites in the comments section.

Please be aware that I tried not to have any repeats on these lists, so if you see something missing, it might be elsewhere.

Previous Halloween Horror Lists:

Part 1: The Classics

Part 2: Books

Part 5: The Obscure

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13) Hardware

Lucky number 13! This little sci-fi indie is not only related to the Dredd universe, it’s also pretty terrifying. The effects are terrific, and the atmosphere of the picture is both mesmerizing and haunting. It’s not a perfect film, but it’s damn cool. Honorable mention: Killer Klowns from Outer Space. I classify this one more as comedy than horror, but it’s a visual delight, and just as wacky and awesome as Hardware.

12) Forbidden World

This sleazy Roger Corman Alien knock-off is actually pretty inventive when you cut past the film’s inherent goofiness. There’s a sly sense of humor portrayed here that really works to the film’s advantage, pumping up the scares and adding an extra sensation to all the sexual exploitation. Plus, that scene with the doctor smoking a cigarette as someone else cuts into his gut to remove a cancer … yeah, it doesn’t get much better than that, folks.

11) Critters

This delightful Gremlins ripoff is actually petty damn scary (and the sequels are fairly fun, too). It’s got great effects, plenty of chills and some truly kickass bounty hunters. Plus it’s got Billy Zane in it. It doesn’t get much better than Zane, folks! Oh, in case you might have been wondering, I didn’t put Gremlins on this list, but don’t fret. It’ll make another horror list in a few months. Just you wait. Another honorable mention: Night of the Creeps. This one is more of a zombie film, with sci-fi elements, but it’s just as awesome as Critters, and it’s got some fantastic one-liners.

10) 2001

Stanley Kubrick seemed to enjoy horror, as quite a few of his films explore the concept, from 2001 to A Clockwork Orange, The Shining, Full Metal Jacket and Eyes Wide Shut. Okay, so 2001 doesn’t really turn into horror until about the 70-minute mark, give or take. But once it does, oh boy is it a ride. And that finale, while gorgeous … so creepy. 2001 is a breathtaking sci-fi masterpiece, though it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. But for those who enjoy a slow brew, this film is a tour-de-force of awesome. If you haven’t seen it, check it out.

9) Videodrome

Pretty much every David Cronenberg movie could, on some level, qualify as horror. My favorite is Videodrome (and The Fly, but that’s on another list). The film is a mixture of wild ideas that focus on our consumption of both television, and the extreme. What’s so brilliant about the film is just how invested you get into the mystery. By the end you almost feel as though you are part of the whole story, a piece of the puzzle. The film is dated, sure, but the ideas are not. Also check out eXistenZ, a kind-sorta sequel.

8) Event Horizon

I initially hated Paul W.S. Anderson’s jump-scares-in-space opera, but when I revisited the film on Blu-ray a few years ago, I found myself enthralled by the crafty visuals, the chilling story and the trippy sci-fi elements. Plus, watching Sam Neill fly off the deep end (again) … worth the price of admission right there. Also in the Sam Neill Madness Trilogy: Possession and In the Mouth of Madness.

7) Invasion of the Body Snatchers

The original Invasion is pretty good. The other two remakes aren’t too terrible, either. But I prefer the 1978 remake. I love the groovy ’70s vibe. The effects are cool, Leonard Nimoy is there, and Donald Sutherland … and Jeff “Mother Fucking” Goldblum. I mean, come on. Plus the film is freakin’ scary as hell. It’s an unrelenting sci-fi/horror thriller about paranoia at its absolute scariness. Also, pay close attention for the human dogs. My god … nightmares people. Nightmares.

6) Galaxy of Terror

Another Corman masterpiece of bizarre sci-fi/horror. This one is largely fueled by James Cameron’s visual design, which bares a strange resemblance to his work on Aliens, which came just a few years later. The story itself is actually quite genius, baring a modest resemblance to several episodes of Star Trek (including The Cage), but with more amped-up gore and scares lurking around the corner. This film is basically A Nightmare on Elm Street in space, which is funny considering Robert Englund is featured in both films.

5) The Thing

John Carpenter rocks. That is all. His 1982 sci-fi/horror redo is a landmark in that it’s one of the few times the remake matched or even surpassed the original film. Everyone should follow his lead. The Thing is a spiraling sort of horror mystery, where the monster is never same twice, and you’re always on edge, waiting for what’s next. Also give They Live and Prince of Darkness a gander.

4) The Mist

Another Stephen King adaptation from Frank Darabont. This one’s about monsters from another dimension who invade our world. But that’s just the surface. There’s a lot more going on than meets the eye. And that finale … damn. That’s really all I can say. It’s easily the most beautiful, emotionally wrecking finale I have ever seen. And everything that comes before it, well, it’s scary as all hell.

3) Jurassic Park

Steven Spielberg’s adaptation of Michael Crichton’s terrifying novel doesn’t get much credit for being horror … probably because it HAS Sam Neill, but he DOESN’T go mad (to Spielberg’s credit, Neill had only done Possession at the time). But you know you’re lying if you say you weren’t pissing your pants when good old t-rex came storming past his iron gates, heading for the kids and the sniveling lawyer. Nope. You were scared. You were also scared when the raptors invaded the kitchen. Yes, Jurassic Park is a horror film. It’s a sci-fi slasher … with dinosaurs.

2) Sunshine

Danny Boyle’s space drama starts off moody and tense, and never seems to quite. Some have complained about the film’s more Alien-like slasher third act, but that’s part of what I love about Sunshine. It’s a film that explores the very real and the very surreal, life and afterlife, god and man, and it does so in such a dazzling, memorable fashion.

1) *tie* Alien/Aliens

Ridley Scott’s slasher-in-space is not only the best sci-fi/horror film out there, rich with tense set pieces, great characters and chilling effects, it’s also one of the best, most brilliantly designed sci-fi masterpieces ever made. In some ways, this one tops Star Wars and Star Trek for me. The attention to detail that Ridley Scott and crew put forth is simply staggering. This film doesn’t feel like a movie. It feels real. There’s an unprecedented authenticity to this picture, and that’s what makes it so damn scary.

James Cameron’s Aliens takes a more grindhouse approach to the series, with a blend of cheesy military tropes giving the film a war-like military action film motif. It’s not as scary, but it’s also a masterpiece in its own way, and one of the best sequels ever made, so don’t miss it.

Next up: A new season, a new series of Lists! Check back to find out more…

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If you own a Kindle (or have the free Kindle app on your phone), check out my thrilling short stories, The Stray Cats and The Horror. Both are just .99 cents. CLICK HERE to buy your copies today! And be sure to follow me on Twitter.

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Published on November 04, 2013 05:45

October 31, 2013

13 Halloween Horror Delights on Netflix

Hello dear readers. Happy Halloween!

Here’s a quick sprinkle of awesome to mark this ghoulish occasion.

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Looking for some movies to watch tonight (or this weekend)? I thought I’d suggest 13 films currently on Netflix (in the US) that you should check out. There’s a few essentials here, and some oddballs to keep you on your toes. These films are presented in no particular order. Every movie discussed in this article is available on Netflix.

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Bride of Frankenstein

A classic in every way, and available in Super HD. Whether you’re new to horror or you’ve grown to be an aficionado, this one is always worth checking out. Netflix also offers Dracula, The Wolf Man, The Mummy and The Invisible Man, among others.

The Evil Dead

Both Evil Dead and Evil Dead 2 are available on Netflix (act quick, Evil Dead 1 leaves on November 1, 2013). If you’ve been living under a rock, and somehow missed these, give’em a spin. Also check out Re-Animator while you’re at it.

Pumkinhead

The late, great Stan Winston directed this offbeat creature-feature. It wasn’t a hit when it was released, but it’s slowly grown into a cult classic. The unrated (and pretty terrible) sequel is also available on Netflix. Both films are presented in Super HD.

Hellraiser

Clive Barker’s thrilling horror masterpiece. The sequel is also on Netflix. In fact, a slew of sequels are on Netflix, but you need only watch 1 and 2, and maybe 3. But that’s pretty much it.

The Stuff

An offbeat Invasion of the Body Snatchers clone with a strange premise (evil yogurt) and some pretty great effects. For those looking for a film that fits the “obscure cult film” moniker.

Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight

Just watched this one again the other night and rather enjoyed it. It’s not as good as the TV series, but it’s a worthwhile creature-feature with some solid performances, gooey gore and awesome B-movie moments. The other two Tales from the Crypt movies (Bordello of Blood and Ritual) are on Netflix as well.

Scream

Wes Craven’s teen slasher drama is still pretty damn great. Scream 1-3 are available on Netflix. I’m not a fan of Scream 3, so I’d just stick with the first two.

The Innkeepers

A creepy little ghost story that’s certain to scare the hell out of any ghost-fearing horror fan. If not, there’s always the Paranormal Activity movies. But if you like The Innkeepers, be sure to check the director’s other thriller, The House of the Devil.

Pontypool

Saw this indie a few weeks back and it just knocked me out. Such a great film. It’s part zombie movie, part invasion story, part War of the Worlds radio play. It’s refreshing, original horror at its finest.

Killer Klowns From Outer Space

If you want something light, but a little scary, Killer Klowns should do it. Visual design is just awesome. I mean, killer popcorn. Enough said.

The American Scream

Not really a scary movie, but a terrific documentary about haunted houses from the director of Best Worst Movie (Michael Stephenson), who is also known for being the kid from Troll 2. Also check out Best Worst Movie, Troll and Troll 2. They’re all on Netflix.

The Cabin the Woods

The mother of all modern horror films. This one spins the genre on its head in some rather fun ways. Also check out Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil. Both films have a similar offbeat premise. They also go along nicely with Scream or the Evil Dead movie.

Maniac

Elijah Wood headlines this creepy forced-perspective first-person nightmare that takes you deep inside the mind of a serial killer. Wood gives a crazy fascinating performance. The gore is intense and the soundtrack is absolutely awesome. The movie is more than a bit bleak, and not for everyone, but this is one ride horror fans should not miss. If you dig this movie, you might want to follow it up with American Mary.

Also, if you haven’t already, give my Halloween Horror Favorites Lists a spin for more even options:

Part 1: The Classics

Part 2: Books

Part 5: The Obscure

Be sure to check back next week for a new favorites list (sci-fi/horror), another edition of Why I Write, a Sprinkle of Awesome and a new Different Perspectives. Stay tuned!

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