Amy Allen's Blog, page 3

We Can’t All Be Organic Farmers

When you think of a devoutly spiritual person, who comes to mind? Mother Theresa? Jesus? Ghandi? Yes, they are good examples to be sure; their humanitarian efforts were clearly connected to their devotion to God. But what about you? What if you are a lawyer, or a waitress, or a toll booth worker? Is your work clearly connected to your devotion to God? If not, it’s probably just a problem of perspective.

 

Hear me out. You can bring the light of your devotion to any table at which you sit. (Let me be clear: I am not referring to proselytizing.) It doesn’t matter if the table has quarreling clients, grumpy hungry people, or people holding up the line because they are searching for an elusive quarter under their seat. Just because your profession is not formerly labeled as sacred, it doesn’t mean that divine presence is lacking. It just means that we forgot to be present and see the sacred in every morsel of it.

 

I think most of us have a very vague notion of some sort of Utopian ideal, where there is no war, no conflict, no “bad” people hurting “good” people. In the world of duality, I don’t think this is ever going to happen. Besides, what would we all do then? We can’t all be organic farmers!

 

Our real job is to straighten ourselves out in relationship to the world around us. As Ram Dass said, “The only thing you have to do for other human beings is to keep yourself really straight, and then do whatever it is you do.” Strive for excellence, love, and compassion in all you do, no matter what your “job.” Be the best toll booth worker out there—and hold compassion for those who show up a quarter short. We’re all in this together.

 

Beware of Mickey Mouse Dreams

Robert Johnson, Jungian analyst and author of He, She, We and other wonderful books, once told a story of a client of his who was struggling in her dream analysis. Every week, she was frustrated by the absurd and non-sensical nature of her dreams. Robert noticed that her journal was a Mickey Mouse notebook; he also noticed how deeply it irritated him. When the frustration on both ends reached a breaking point, he exclaimed, “If you put your dreams in a Mickey Mouse notebook, you are going to have Mickey Mouse dreams!”

 

When you begin to realize that all the world is an out-picturing of your internal reality, you begin to take greater care in the “containers” that hold the invisible, intangible energies of your psyche. This is not materialism for materialism sake or the worshipping of false idols. It is creating beauty and harmony in the world and showing respect for ourselves and appreciation for our unique lives.

 

So take a fresh look at your home, your wardrobe, your work space, your dream journal. Do they reflect the highest expression of you? Or are they filled with clutter, too many sweat pants, and Mickey Mouse imagery? As we enjoy autumn, which is a time in nature of letting go (leaves falling off the trees, less daylight and external activities, etc), we too can let go of some old containers that aren’t serving us and clean out the clutter in preparation of higher energies and greater expression of our purpose. Treat your dreams with respect, and they will do the same.

 

The Classic Double Standard: Why You Can’t Serve Two Masters

Have you ever thought, “God, I need to lose weight!” and yet when a friend or partner hinted at the same thing, you were furious? You cannot demand that other people love and accept “who you are” when you don’t give yourself the same gift. You wish you were thin. You wish you were different. Yet, when someone else wishes it also, then they are considered mean, judgmental, and superficial. You can’t have it both ways!

 

Besides, who is this “who I am” to whom you refer? Is it an entity separate from your body, your actions, your integrity? I mean, it sounds plausible in some far-off place floating in the clouds far away from the earth; but for now, I want to offer you that your psyche is not buying it.

 

If you want to be thin and healthy while simultaneously trying to convince yourself that it is OK that you are not, then not only are you wasting a lot of time and energy, you are also setting up internal conflict that is difficult to overcome. How can you expect others to bestow unconditional love upon you when you are setting up a double standard internally? Quit demanding unconditional love and acceptance from anyone outside of yourself. When you live with integrity (by acting in ways that are in alignment with your hopes and dreams for life), you will set yourself up for love and respect that comes from the only place that matters: inside of you.

 

You either want this or you don’t. You are the master of your life.

 

 

 

 

This idea and others can be found in my book, Lit from Within: The Sacred Path of Healthy Self-Esteem and Permanent Weight Loss.

Anxiety as Frankenstein

Maybe you have never really considered it, but anxiety, in all of its stressful manifestations, is at the root of so many problems in our lives. Think about it: what leads us to act in the following ways: emotional eating, high blood pressure, conflicts with our spouse, children, boss (etc), alcoholism, drug addiction, sleep disorders, road rage….must I go on? The list seems endless, and if we follow these issues down to their roots, I truly believe that we will find anxiety right there, poisoning the soil and the seeds of what we are trying to create in our lives.

What is even more interesting is that anxiety is created by our thoughts; they are literally mental constructs of our creation. We think a negative thought about a situation, a person, whatever, and whether or not the thought is factually true or not, our bodies react to the thought with stress in the form of increased heart rates, nervous stomachs, sweaty palms (to name a few). This discomfort can send many of us into orbit, creating more negative thoughts and more stress responses, thereby increasing our need for relief. Then our favorite way of coping (food, fighting, drugs) presents itself, and the cycle begins.

Frankenstein is the perfect symbol for our anxiety. The monster is created by the scientist; then is rejected and shunned. “Abandoned, frightened, and completely unaware of his own identity, the monster wanders through the wilderness searching for kindness and acceptance.” Like all creatures who feel disconnected and in pain, the monster begins to act out and wreak havoc. Sound familiar? If you have ways that you are acting out in your life that you don’t yet understand, I would bet that there is a stressful thought (which are usually accompanied by other stressful thoughts) triggering your reactivity.

Meditative practices (yoga, qi gong, sitting quietly) that foster inner stillness and awareness are ways that we can begin to notice these thoughts as they arise. These thoughts are not who you are; they are just little Frankensteins of your creation wandering around the wilderness of your mind, searching for kindness and acceptance.

I am a regular practitioner of a wonderful technique called “EFT,” Emotional Freedom Technique. One of the most powerful aspects of this simple practice is that you remind yourself that even though you have the problem that you currently have, you still deeply and completely accept and love yourself. Remember, that’s all that your monstrous thoughts really want: a little kindness and acceptance. And then both you and your monsters can both go about your business, living with more freedom and happiness than you ever thought possible.

 

Jealousy is your frenemy

It isn’t very often that I feel jealous of someone, but when I do, I definitely take note. This is because I have come to believe that although initially an unpleasant sensation, jealousy can be a great teacher if we let it. Let me explain.

I once had a “frenemy” (a friend who feels like an enemy) with whom I felt an absurd amount of competition. Truthfully, I didn’t even like her because she wasn’t very nice, but I had a neurotic need to be around her whenever possible so that we could engage in our unspoken battle.

Then one day it hit me: I was jealous of her. Yuck. I would rather be jealous of anyone in the world except her, but there she was. So I decided to make it a teaching moment for myself and ask: “What do I perceive that she has that I really want and feel like I don’t have?” The revelations began. Things that I previously judged as superficial or never dreamed that I wanted for myself came out of the shadows. I was shocked…..and eventually pretty delighted.

Ultimately, I am grateful to her for being in this soul contract with me. To this day, when I think of her, I smile a little smile. Because I know this: by simply being herself, she helped me to uncover some of my hidden treasures. She changed my life for the better. And that is a true friend indeed.

So I would encourage you to use jealousy as a guide, because it is pointing you in the direction of something you want but may not even know it yet. Once you know it, you can claim it. You can begin to create for yourself this experience that you see in your wonderful frenemy. Then you can love and appreciate them from afar…and that will make them just your friend.

Salad for breakfast and other crazy crap

Have you ever eaten salad for breakfast? I did this morning, and it was awesome. What about soup or a bowl of brown rice and vegetables? If the answer is no, I can’t say that I’m surprised; these are not considered “breakfast foods” in America. If we really think about it, isn’t it a little strange that we designate a certain type of food only to be eaten in the morning? And most of it ain’t good.

This whole limited idea was cracked open for me on my travels to China many years ago. At our hotel buffet every morning, they had a huge variety of foods that were not primarily made of sugar (for instance, pancakes, which are literally cakes fried in a pan and drizzled with syrup) or low-fiber, fluorescent, flour products (cereals), or unhealthy fats (bacon and sausage). This changed my perspective forever and made me re-think my own limitations of what I consider to be “breakfast food.”

We all constantly do things and believe things out of habit and out of an unconscious following of what society does. I think that can be fine (there is no reason to re-invent the wheel on a daily basis), but it can also lead to some really stupid behavior. It’s a welcome relief when my preconceived notions get called into question, like seeing soup offered for breakfast for the first time.

Today, question just one thing that you do that you do because it is what you have been taught. Ask: does this make sense? Does it match my values? Does it help or hinder my dreams for my life? If the answer is “no” to any of the above, laugh gently at yourself….and make a different choice.

P.S. It’s really easy to eat salad for breakfast when you make a big one the night before for dinner, then put the remainder in a locking plastic bag. The easier you make it on yourself (i.e. not having to chop vegetables when your kids are getting ready for school), the easier you, uh, make it on yourself.

 

 

What You and Luke Skywalker Have in Common

George Lucas, genius creator of the Star Wars empire (no pun intended), knew what he was doing. Consulting with Joseph Campbell, expert of world religions and mythology, Lucas created a brilliant story that appealed to just about every person out there. How? He used classic mythological and archetypal themes that are found in every culture around the world, and which speak to us in a language that our souls deeply understand. Why? Because as Sallustius said in 4th Century A.D., “Myths are things that never happened but always are.” In other words, Lucas told us our story, and he did so in an exciting, intriguing way.

 

My world view has been greatly influenced by the fact that in my twenties, I listened to this in detail about 5,000,000 times in The Power of Myth, an interview with Campbell by Bill Moyers. You can get in in different forms on Amazon (I highly recommend an audio version) or download on iTunes. You will never be the same once you experience this body of work.

 

My favorite part of the Star Wars series has always been when Luke Skywalker trains with Yoda in the swamp. Learning to master “the Force” and having a Master is classical Eastern stuff (think Zen, Martial Arts, Qi Gong, Shinto priests….), and anyone who has ever studied the nature of energy and the quantum world can readily translate Yoda’s words and concepts into their own tradition. Luke’s life perfectly illustrates the hero’s adventure that never happened but is always occurring in our lives.

 

One point that has really been in my mind lately is this: when Luke witnesses tiny Yoda pull the ship out of the swamp via telekinesis, he states, “I don’t believe it!” And of course, Yoda’s answer: “This is why you fail.” Again, this is truer than any of us know when we are trying to create something in our lives. When we don’t really believe in our hearts and souls that it can happen, we fail. We must practice every day seeing, feeling, and experiencing ourselves as if the goal has been accomplished. This, combined with necessary, real-world actions, will be a powerful electromagnetic “force” to make your dream a reality.

 

 

Here is the scene for your review:

 

Taxis and Taoism

A recent trip to New York City, filled with many taxi rides, was a reminder of how much taxis and Taoism are related in my mind. Taoism is the philosophical root of Tai Chi, Qi Gong, and other meditative arts, which seek to balance body, mind, and soul. These disciplines train the practitioner to be supple like a reed that bends with the wind instead of being rigid and therefore breaking.

As a passenger: riding with a psychotic taxi driver in any city can help you to practice Taoism, but you are sure to receive the most powerful lessons in a third world country. Many years ago, when I was in Indonesia for a few months, I found myself shrieking, gasping, and clutching on for dear life at the absolutely unfathomable Indonesian traffic patterns and driving methods. (Not only is there a seeming lack of organization with traffic lights, turn signals, or speed limits, it is not uncommon to see a family of 5 on a moped or people on the top or backs of buses.) Realizing that this constant state of anxiety was not helpful, I eventually learned to totally relax (practically go limp) and allow the insanity to unfold before me. The less I tried to mentally understand the whole situation, the more relaxed I became. I was in their world, but not of it; white knuckles and bulging neck veins were not going to save me from disaster. The mantra, “Today is a good day to die” was also helpful. As Joel Osteen recently said, “Just because we’re in a stressful situation doesn’t mean that we have to get stressed out. You may be in the storm. The key is, don’t let the storm get in you.” This is Taoism 101.

As a driver: I have never been a taxi driver, but I am going to go out on a limb here. Each day, the driver starts out not knowing where he will find his first passenger or where that passenger will ask him to go. Once at that destination, the mystery of what direction is next unravels, trip after trip. The driver has little to no control over where he goes all day long. Just like the passenger, he has to give up expectations and control, but he is still driving the car. It reminds me of one of my favorite lines from a powerful meditative practice by Jason Shulman called The MAGI process: “Don’t make plans. Don’t let plans make you.” This is Taoism 201.

For a healthy, happy, long life, whether you are a passenger or driver, you must learn to go with the flow.

 

 

 

 

 

Because that’s how it’s always been done

I remember reading once that if an employee responded to a question posed by Steve Jobs with “because that’s how we’ve always done it,” that they would be fired. That kind of primitive and limited thinking not only thwarts innovation, but ultimately does us all harm.Let’s take the Atlanta Braves right fielder, Jason Heyward. Having a fast pitch straight to his jaw comes at what I hope is the end of a rash of an eye-for-an-eye acting out between major league teams lately. My husband and I got into a heated argument about it: I said, “It’s immoral! It’s un-Christian! It’s very poor sportsmanship!” He laughed it off and said, “It’s just baseball; this is how they have always done things.”  I retorted, “Don’t ever say that to me ever again. It’s not a reason to do anything.”

I once had a boss who pretended that I had autonomy in my dealings with our clients, but always found a way to freak out when she realized that I had done something innovative (that inevitably worked better than the old way and made the client very happy). Guess what line she used in her defense. You guessed it! Once exasperated by this predictable routine, I surprised myself by exclaiming, “But it doesn’t make any sense!”

So many things that we do as individuals and as groups don’t make sense, but are done out of an unconscious habit. Think: fighting over land in the Gaza strip, the never-ending conflict of the Montagues and the Capulets, or some habit you have that drives you and those around you crazy.

There is always going to be collateral damage to doing things as they have always been done even when it doesn’t make any sense. Think: Jason Heyward, Romeo and Juliet, the citizens of Israel and Palestine.

So I urge you, wonderful reader, to take a fresh look at some old habits that may not make sense anymore and be very open to another way.

 

Photo courtesy of 11 Alive News Atlanta

 

 

www.litfromwithin.net

When “deserve” doesn’t serve you

I was recently accompanying my mother and daughter on a shopping trip in a well-known department store. Per my prediction, my mother was roped into a cosmetic chair for a makeover faster than you could say “Dior!” Within seconds, my 11-year-old was also swept away by one of the cosmetic specialists, being told how beautiful she was and how much fun it was going to be to give her a make-over (you know, because that’s what 11-year-olds need). These two events only solidified my curmudgeon attitude towards this whole routine (I’ve seen my mother sold more beauty products than I care to discuss) and I decided to wait patiently. Oh, how silly of me!

Yet another woman showed up and insisted on removing all of the make-up I had applied just an hour earlier and re-doing my face completely. “I’m not going to buy anything; I’m just here with them,” I tried to tell her. “Oh no, it’s just fun!” she lied, knowing she would go in for the jugular at the end, acting dismayed and personally disappointed when I failed to purchase overpriced “miracle” products made from a 400-year-old vine in France.

“But you deserve this!” she said at the end, appealing to my most entitled, insecure self and implying that I was sort of ugly without these products. It amused me how much that tactic did not work on me. I also found it disgusting; salespeople who only care about pushing their customers into buying things they don’t want or need are despicable in my book. And ones who prey on women’s insecurities and desire to be beautiful….well, I guess I think those are the lowest of the low.

Bottom line: how often do we talk ourselves into overspending, overeating, overdrinking (name your poison) because we have convinced ourselves that we deserve it? For many of us, it is a lot. And it is usually connected to an entitlement we feel because we are stressed or feel that we are suffering in some way. But, of course, “deserve” in this sense really “de-serves” us because it only wreaks havoc in the end. So I invite you to be aware of the next time you justify something you think you deserve. Take a deep breath, think about the outcome, and then make your move.

www.litfromwithin.net