Allie Everhart's Blog, page 14

Release Date for Next to Me

Next to Me – Garage Door Scene

A scene with Nash and Callie, written in Nash’s POV.

NASH

“Hey,” I yell, dropping my wrench and walking over to her. “You want some help?”

She’s standing in front of her garage, trying to lift up the door.

“No, thanks. I’ve got it.” She’s struggling to make it move even an inch off the ground. Her knee must still hurt because she’s trying to open the door while balancing on her good leg.

I reach down and lift up the door. “You going to work?”

She turns to me, putting her hands on her hips. “Stop doing things for me.”

“Why?” I smile at her.

She seems surprised by my question. “Because I can do things myself.”

“Maybe before your knee was hurt, but now, you need some help.”

“Actually, I don’t.” She glares at me.

I lock eyes with her. “I think you do.”

“You’re wrong.”

“I’m never wrong,” I say in a cocky tone. “Ask anyone.”

“I don’t need to, because I’m telling you right now that you’re wrong. I don’t need your help or anyone else’s.”

“Really?” I wait for her to admit she’s wrong and when she doesn’t, I say, “Okay.” I reach up and lower the garage door back down. Then I walk back toward my house. “Have a good day.”

She mumbles something and I hear the squeak of the garage door as she attempts to lift it. I get back to work on my lawnmower, sneaking glances at my neighbor as she curses to herself while yanking on the door, balancing on one leg.

“Hey!” I hear her yell.

“Yeah?” I keep my eyes on the lawnmower handle, tightening some bolts.

“Could you come over here a minute?” she yells.

“Why? What do you need?” I yell back, my eyes still on the lawnmower.

There’s a pause, and then, “I need some…”

“Some what?” I almost laugh when I say it.

She’s mumbling curse words again. There was a ‘damn’ and a ‘shit’ and I might’ve heard something about a lunatic.

“What was that?” I yell. “I didn’t hear you.”

“I need some help, okay?”

I finally look at her and see her standing as she was earlier, her hands on her hips. It’s supposed to be an angry stance but given that she has all her weight on one leg and her other leg is bent slightly with just her toe touching the ground, she looks like she’s posing for me.

My laughter can’t be contained as I approach her.

“What’s so funny?” she asks.

“The way you’re standing.” I motion to her. “You look like you’re posing for something.”

She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms over her chest. “Would you just open the door for me, please?”

“I thought you didn’t need help.”

She narrows her eyes at me.

I give her a big wide grin. Then I open the door with one hand. “Was that it?”

“Yes,” she mutters, as she glances to the side.

“Just call if you need me for anything else. I have many different skills.” I said it flirtatiously just to see how she’d react. I’m not trying to go out with this girl, but I’m finding it fun to rile her up.

——-

Add Next to Me on Goodreads

Next to Me – Chapter One Teaser

Here’s the first half of Chapter One. Written in Callie’s POV. 

————————————-

Callie

One, two, three, four. I continue counting the steps in my head as I walk to the mailbox. I don’t know why I do it. Why I constantly count. I didn’t used to. Three hundred and eighty-five days ago I only counted when I needed to. In fact, counting used to be a good thing. Only four days until Christmas. Six days until my birthday. One week until I’m home on summer break.

Ten, eleven…

“Twelve,” I mumble to myself as I reach the mailbox. It takes exactly twelve steps to get to the mailbox and twelve steps to get back. I never knew this until a few days after it happened. Before that, I wouldn’t have cared. I still don’t care. And yet I keep counting, each and every day.

I put my electric bill in the box, then turn and walk back. One, two, three…

My gaze is focused on the concrete path that leads to the house. It’s cracked and crooked, the ground seeping through, making it uneven and dangerous to walk on. That’s why I always look down, making sure I don’t trip.

Seven, eight—

An engine roars behind me.

“What the…” I mutter as I turn to see a large, black, rusted-out pickup pulling in next door. It’s going way too fast and jerks to a stop. The loud rumbling engine idles a moment, then turns off.

A shot rings out and I trip on the sidewalk and drop flat to the ground.

What was that? Did someone just shoot at me? I freeze, waiting to see if they’ll shoot again. I hear the door of the truck squeak open, then slam shut. I keep my gaze low to the ground, afraid to look up and see the person who I’m now assuming is a raging lunatic who just randomly shoots his gun at strangers.

I’m shaking as I stare at a pair of black work boots which are now planted in the driveway next to mine. The owner of the boots is not moving, his legs in a wide stance facing the house. Did he come here to kill my neighbor? If so, my neighbor’s already dead. Old Man Freeson, as I used to call him, died last year and his house has been abandoned ever since.

The boots take a step forward, then stop again.

“Oh, shit,” a deep voice says, and then the boots stalk toward me at a rapid pace.

‘Oh, shit’ is right. He’s coming to kill me! And I’m so frozen with fear I can’t get up.

“Hey. Are you—”

“Stop!” I yell, crawling backwards on my hands. “Get away from me!”

The boots are in front of me now, as is a man’s face. He’s crouched down, staring at me with the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen. He looks older than me, maybe 24 or 25. “I was just seeing if you’re—”

“What do you want?” I ask, scooting back more, landing in the wet grass. I feel it soaking through my shorts but that’s the least of my problems right now. I point to my house. “Take what you want.” My voice is shaky, my heart pounding. “Just please don’t hurt me.”

“Hurt you?” He cocks his head. “What are you talking about? I came over to help you. And it looks like you need it.” His hand touches my leg and I freeze again, then glance down and see my knee is bleeding. I must’ve scraped it when I fell. It’s more than a scrape. It’s bleeding really bad and it hurts like hell.

“Don’t touch me!” I yank my leg back. “Get out of here!”

He’s staring at me and his lips slowly turn up. “Are you always this friendly to your new neighbors?”

“Neighbors?” I scrunch my face up in confusion.

He rises to standing and holds his hand out. “Here. Let me help you up.”

I gaze up at him. For a deranged lunatic, he’s really hot. Over six feet tall with a deep tan, short dark hair, and rugged features. He’s wearing a gray t-shirt that stretches over his thick shoulders and clings to his biceps. He’s a big guy and all muscle. He wouldn’t need a gun to kill me. He could do it with his bare hands.

He’s still waiting for me to take his hand, but I won’t do it. This is obviously a trap. Shooting me on the ground is too boring. Too easy. Instead he’ll drag me to the neighbor’s house, torture me for hours, then kill me.

Oh, God. What if that’s his plan? Why me? I don’t even know him.

“Hey.” He crouches in front of me again and puts his hand on my arm.

I yank it back. “Stop touching me! Why are you doing this? Why are you trying to kill me?”

He laughs a little. “Kill you?”

I huff. “You think this is funny? Seriously?” I keep my eyes on his face, specifically his eyes, because you can tell a lot from a person’s eyes. This guy’s eyes are calm, relaxed, and a rich blue color that reminds me of those postcards from the Caribbean of the white sand beaches that lead into crystal clear blue water that doesn’t even look real. I always assumed a deranged lunatic’s eyes would be dark and bloodshot, fluttering at a frantic nonstop pace. So now I’m confused. Is he a lunatic or not? I’m still going with lunatic. After all, he shot a freaking gun at me!

“What’s your name?” he asks.

“So now you want to know my name before you kill me? Why? Is it part of some sick game you—”

“Hey.” He touches my arm. I flinch and he removes his hand. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” His voice is low and soft. “And I’m not trying to kill you.”

“You’re not?” I ask suspiciously.

“No.” He laughs a little. “I saw you over here on the ground and I came over to help.”

“I don’t need help,” I say, my gaze dropping to my knee which is now bleeding all down my leg.

“Actually, I think you do. Your knee’s really banged up. I got a first aid kit in my truck. Let me go get it.” He stands up.

“No!” I try to get up but my knee is throbbing and I’m afraid to put pressure on it. I didn’t realize how hard I fell. “I’m fine. Just go away.”

“I’ll be right back,” he says, casually walking back to his truck. I shouldn’t be staring, but damn, he has a good body. Wide shoulders, tapered waist, and an ass that nicely fills out his jeans.

What the hell am I doing? I should be trying to get inside my house, not drooling over the guy who shot at me! But maybe he didn’t shoot at me. Maybe he just shot a gun to scare away whatever critters he thought might be hiding in the overgrown weeds that used to be Old Man Freeson’s lawn.

I scoot back onto the walkway that leads to my house, but before I even make it a foot closer, he’s back, holding a small white box with the words ‘first aid’ written on it in bright red letters.

“So why did you think I shot at you?” he asks, kneeling down in front of me.

“Because you did,” I say, watching as he opens the box. “I heard the gun go off.”

He looks to the side and his brows furrow like he’s thinking. And then he smiles back at me. “That must’ve been my truck. Sorry about that. I’m so used to it I don’t even notice it anymore.”

“Your truck? That sound came from your truck?”

“It’s old as dirt, and for some reason it always makes that sound when I turn the engine off. I’ve brought it into the shop and the mechanics can’t figure out why it does that. So I just live with it.” He points to my knee. “We need to clean that off before I bandage it up.” He rises up and offers me his hand. “Let’s go inside.”

I reluctantly take his hand and let him pull me up. “Just help me to the door. I can clean it up myself.”

“Let me do it.” He smiles at me as he wraps his arm around my middle, supporting my weight. “I’m a professional.”

“A professional what?” I ask, hobbling toward the door.

“EMT. I’m not anymore, but I was for almost a year. I’m an expert in emergency medical treatment, so a scraped knee is nothing.”

My mind flashes to the many nightmares I’ve had about the accident. I wasn’t there so I don’t know what it looked like but based on what the police told me, my mind fills in the images. And I always see the EMT workers, who are faceless in my dreams but wearing uniforms; dark blue pants and matching shirts. They’re the first to arrive at the scene and I’m always yelling at them to hurry up. To save my family. But it’s too late. It’s always too late. Why didn’t they save them?

I shove him away. “I don’t need your help.”

“What’s wrong?” He turns to me. “Why are you yelling?”

I’m yelling because he was an EMT and EMTs killed my family. Well, they didn’t kill them, but they didn’t save them which in a roundabout way is like killing them. But that’s not this guy’s fault so I really shouldn’t yell at him.

I sigh. “Could you please just leave me alone?” I turn and take a step toward the door, but I wasn’t looking down and my foot catches on a piece of broken concrete that the ground has pushed up. I’m always super careful not to trip on it. Except for today.

Strong arms encircle my waist right before I hit the ground and raise me up to standing.

“What were you saying about not needing help?” he asks. Before I can answer, he reaches under my legs and scoops me up and starts walking to the door. “Is it unlocked?”

“Put me down!” I say, pushing on his chest, which is rock hard.

He ignores me and keeps walking, stopping at my door.

“You’re not going in my house,” I say.

He ignores me again and walks right in. As he’s shutting the door, I glance back at the walkway and realize I forgot to count my steps. I didn’t finish. Dammit! I always finish. I’ve counted every day since the accident but today I didn’t. Anxiety takes over the fear I had earlier of my deranged killer-EMT-neighbor, and my mind starts racing. I should’ve counted. Why didn’t I count? Dammit!

I take a deep breath. Why am I reacting this way? Why do I do this to myself? When did I become so obsessive and how do I make it stop?

“Do you have a washcloth in the bathroom?” the guy asks.

I notice I’m now sitting on the couch and my lunatic neighbor is walking down the hall to my bathroom.

“What are you doing?” I yell at him. “You can’t just walk around my house! I didn’t even invite you in!”

He’s in the bathroom now so I don’t know if he heard me. Moments later, he returns with a wet washcloth and a bottle of peroxide. He sits down next to me and lifts my leg up, resting it on his lap.

“You went through my medicine cabinet?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.

“And your linen closet.” He dabs the wet washcloth over my knee. “You have a lot of towels for one person. Or do you live with someone?” He glances around the room, then back at me. “You live with your parents?”

He asked because the house still looks like they live here. It’s been over a year and I still haven’t cleared out their stuff. My mom’s knitting basket is still sitting by her chair with a half-knit scarf inside. The James Patterson novel my stepdad was reading is still on the side table next to the couch. And although this guy can’t see them from where he’s sitting, my little brother’s toys are still in a plastic bin in the corner.

God, I’m messed up. Who lives like this a year later? Any normal person would pack up their dead family’s stuff and get rid of it. But me? I leave it all out, pretending they never left, waiting for them to come home. What is wrong with me?

“It’s none of your business,” I snap. “Just hurry up and finish this.”

“You get up on the wrong side of the bed today?” he asks, smiling. He has a nice smile. Nice teeth. Very straight. I have a thing about teeth. Crooked teeth really bother me. But this guy’s teeth are very straight.

“Sorry,” I mutter. “It’s just not turning out to be a good day.” It’s true, but it’s true for every day, not just today. From the moment they died, every day has been bad. A constant stream of bad days that repeat over and over as time continues on.

“Well, hopefully we’ll get this knee fixed and your day will start going better,” he says, focusing back on my leg. He uses the washcloth to wipe the blood off the front of my calf. My eyes go to his hand, which is large and tan, and there’s a scar that runs between his thumb and forefinger.

“How’d you get the scar?” I ask, pointing to it.

“Nail gun. My idiot brother wasn’t watching what he was doing and nailed my hand to a two-by-four.”

“That must’ve hurt.”

“It wasn’t too bad, but the nail went in at an angle and I thought I might lose my thumb. Luckily the hospital was nearby.” He sets the washcloth down and grabs the peroxide, but then puts it back down. “Do you have some cotton balls?”

“Under the sink in the bathroom.”

He gets up and as he’s walking there, I remember that all my tampons and pads are under the sink.

“Wait!” I call out, but it’s too late. He’s already in there. Oh, well. Maybe he won’t notice.

He comes back with a handful of cotton balls. “Why are you blushing?” He sets my leg back over his lap.

“I’m not blushing.”

“Your cheeks are bright red.” He wets the cotton balls with the peroxide. “Is it because of what was under the sink? If so, you don’t need to be embarrassed. My girlfriend always kept that stuff at my place.”

So he has a girlfriend. Or maybe it’s an ex-girlfriend, but he didn’t add the ‘ex’ so it’s hard to say. But he said she used to keep that stuff at his place, like she doesn’t anymore. Or maybe he meant that she did when he lived at his previous place, which he doesn’t now. What am I doing? Why do I care if he has a girlfriend? I’m not interested in him that way. I haven’t dated anyone in over a year and I’m perfectly fine being single. In fact, I prefer it.

“Oww!” I yell as he dabs my knee with the peroxide. I try to yank my leg away but he holds it in place.

“Stop moving,” he orders, leaning down to inspect my knee. “You really scraped this bad. How’d this happen? You just tripped or what?”

“Yeah.” I roll my eyes. “I tripped when your truck shot at me.”

He laughs. “It didn’t shoot at you. It’s just a piece of shit truck. Sorry about that.” He sets the cotton balls down. “Now I feel bad. I didn’t know that’s what made you fall. How can I make it up to you?”

“You don’t need to. Just forget it. Besides, it wasn’t completely your fault. That sidewalk needs to be repaired. I’m surprised I haven’t tripped on it before.”

“You want me to fix it?”

“You can fix a sidewalk?”

“I can fix most anything, except for that stupid truck.”

“Um…no. That’s okay.”

“Let me fix it. I have to do something after scaring you half to death.” He takes a large bandage out of his first aid kit.

“No. Really. Just forget it.”

I don’t want this guy hanging around my property. I still don’t even know who he is or anything about him. So why did I let him in my house? I didn’t. He just barged in, carrying me like I was Jane and he was Tarzan. He would make a good Tarzan with that dark hair and that body.

“There.” He secures the bandage in place. “I’ll leave you some extra bandages. You should change it once a day.”

“Okay. Thanks.” I lift my leg off him and sit up straight.

“I don’t think I ever introduced myself.” He holds his hand out. “I’m Nash.”

I shake his hand. “Callista.”

He smiles. “That’s a nice name.”

“I go by Callie.”

“Also nice,” he says, still smiling. “So are you home on college break?”

How do I answer that? I don’t want him knowing too much about me, especially about what happened last year. I don’t like talking about it, which is why I never do. In fact, nobody in this town even knows about it except Lou, my boss.

“Yeah. I’m home for the summer,” I say, hoping to leave it at that.

“Where do you go to school?”

Too many questions. He needs to leave.

“I don’t really have time to talk,” I say. “I have some stuff to do, so thanks for your help. I’ll see you around.”

“Maybe we could talk later. You’re the first person I’ve met here and I don’t really know much about the town.”

“There’s not much to know. It’s a small town. It’s pretty boring.”

“There must be something to do around here.” He snaps the cover closed on his first aid kit.

“Not really. We have some bars downtown. And there’s a state park close to here if you like to hike. That’s about it.”

“Drinking and hiking?” He smiles. “That’s all there is to do?”

“Pretty much.”

“I passed a bowling alley on my way into town. And I think I saw a golf course.”

I shrug. “Well, there you go. There’s all kinds of things to do. So why are you moving here?”

“I’m not moving here, at least not for good. I’m just here for the summer. I’m fixing up the house next door. It might get kind of noisy at times with the equipment, but I’ll do my best to keep it down.”

“And you’re going to live in it while you work on it?”

“That’s the plan,” he says, leaning back on the couch.

I can’t imagine anyone living in that thing. It’s a dilapidated house, with peeling paint, missing shingles, and boarded up windows. Why would anyone try to fix it up? It should be condemned.

“What are you doing to it?” I ask.

“Renovating it,” he says confidently. “Top to bottom. The inside, outside. It’s going to look great when it’s done.”

He’s delusional. There’s no way that house can be salvaged. It’s really old, and Mr. Freeson lived there forever and never did any maintenance on it. The support beams are probably rotted out or eaten by termites. I’m surprised the house hasn’t collapsed by now.

My house is just as old, but my stepdad was diligent about maintenance. He was always fixing stuff or painting or working on the landscaping. Since the accident, I’ve done my best to take care of everything, but it’s hard when it’s just me. It’s a small house on a small lot but it’s still a lot to keep up, especially when you’re only 21 years old and know almost nothing about home maintenance.

“I can’t wait to get started.” Nash nods toward the house. “As you can tell it needs a lot of work.”

“Did someone hire you to do it?”

“No. I own it.”

My brows rise. “You actually paid money for that?”

He laughs. A deep, easy laugh. “Come on. It’s not that bad.”

“It looks like it’s falling apart.”

“The structure’s fine. It’s just been neglected. I’ll get it back to how it used to be.”

“I think you’re crazy.” I blurt it out, then cover my mouth. “I’m sorry. That was rude.”

He smiles. “Don’t worry about it. Most people would agree with you. The house does look pretty bad. But I have a way of seeing things that other people can’t. To me, it’s not a crumbling old house. It’s a house waiting to be saved. Waiting for someone to step in and take care of it. Breathe some life into it again.” He reaches in his back pocket and takes out his wallet. He pulls out a business card and hands it to me. “That’s what I do. Home renovation, although we’re starting to expand beyond just residential properties.”

The card reads, Wheeler Construction, Your Best Choice in Renovation Contractors.

“You own a company?”

“Sort of. My dad owns it and my brothers and I work for him, but when he retires, we’ll take it over. Oh, and to answer your earlier question, I didn’t buy the house. I inherited it.”

“You’re related to Mr. Freeson?”

“I’m his grandson.”

“I didn’t know he had any family. He never had any visitors.”

“I didn’t know he was my grandfather until after he died. He was my mom’s father but I never knew him because I never knew my mom. She took off right after I was born and I haven’t heard from her since. Anyway, one day I got a call from a lawyer telling me I owned this house. My grandfather also left behind some money so I’m using that to pay for the renovations.”

“He only left it to you and not your brothers?”

“My brothers aren’t related to him. They’re half brothers. After my mom took off, my dad got married and had three more boys.”

“So how long will you be here?”

“Just long enough to fix up the house. It’ll probably take a few months. I’m hoping to finish up by September.”

——–

Want to read more? Next to Me will be out soon! 

Next to Me – Book Description

After a tragic accident claimed her family, Callie dropped out of college and went to live in the small town where her family used to spend the summers. A year later, and struggling to move on, she keeps to herself and wants to be left alone. So she’s not too happy when her new neighbor keeps knocking on her door.

Nash Wheeler, a 25-year-old construction worker from Chicago, inherited the house next to Callie’s and is living there for the summer while he renovates it. Outgoing, confident, and never one to back down from a challenge, Nash sets out to get to know his new neighbor, inviting her over for dinner and offering to fix things around her house.

As much as his persistence annoys her, Callie finds herself attracted to the tall, muscular, blue-eyed guy next door. And the more time she spends with him, the more she realizes how much they have in common. Like Callie, Nash has experienced loss, but when he opens up to her about it, she’s not willing to do the same. It’s too personal.

Nash is just her neighbor. Just some guy living there for the summer. But is that really all he is? Or is he the one person who can finally help her move on?

Cover Reveal

Next to Me is a standalone, contemporary romance. Coming soon!

Title Reveal

Here’s the title page for my next book! A full-length standalone romance. Coming soon!

Only Her Release Day

Only Her, the final book in The Kensingtons, is now LIVE.

Available at:

Amazon

Amazon UK

iTunes

Kobo 

Barnes & Noble

Scene from Only Her: My Fault

This scene takes place when Garret is 15.

PEARCE

I leave my office and see Garret stumbling in the front door.

“Garret.” I close the door behind him, then help him to the stairs. He can barely walk. I’ve never seen him this drunk.

“Dad,” he mumbles.

“How much did you drink?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know.”

“Let’s go to your room.” I get a firm grip on him and drag him up the stairs.

How did this happen? Why is he so drunk? He said Blake’s parents would be home, but they obviously weren’t. I should’ve called them before he left to make sure they were there.

“Garret, we need to talk about your drinking.” I help him onto his bed.

He lies facedown, his arms spread out on both sides. I remove his shoes and get a blanket from his closet. He’s too drunk to change clothes or get under the covers. I lay the blanket over him. His eyes are closed. I’ll have to talk to him about this tomorrow, although I don’t know when I’ll have time. I have meetings from early in the morning until late at night.

My life is such a mess. Work is out of control. Katherine is out of control. My son is out of control. And I can’t seem to make any of it better.

If Rachel were here, she would be ashamed of me. She would never let Garret drink like this, or even drink at all. And she’d never let him stay out this late on a school night. He probably wouldn’t even want to go out if she were here. He used to like being home with us, but now he hates being home.

“Dad?” I hear Garret mumble.

I sit next to him on the bed. “Yes, Garret.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“About what?” I start to panic, thinking maybe he did something illegal or got into some other kind of trouble. “Did something happen?”

“I’m sorry…about Mom.” His eyes are closed and he’s slurring his words.

I’m not sure why he said that, but people say strange things when they’re drunk.

“I’m going to let you sleep this off.” I get up from his bed. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

He starts mumbling again. “I’m sorry I didn’t stop her.”

I sit down again. “What are you talking about?”

“I should’ve stopped her. I tried, Dad. I really tried. But she still left.”

Stopped her? What does he mean?

“Garret, I don’t understand what you’re saying. Stopped her from what?”

He turns on his side, his eyes still closed. “From going to DC. I told her not to go, but I didn’t try hard enough. And now she’s dead.”

He blames himself for her death? How the hell could he even think that? It’s not his fault.

The day Rachel and I flew to DC, Garret was only 10 and he begged her not to go. I couldn’t figure out why he was acting like that. He didn’t usually get that upset when we went somewhere. But that day, it’s almost like he knew. Like he sensed something bad was going to happen, so he begged her not to go.

“Garret, look at me.” I hold onto his shoulder and wait for his eyes to open. “It was not your fault. Don’t even think that.”

“It WAS my fault. I should’ve stopped her and I didn’t. I killed her, Dad.” Tears stream down his face. “It was all my fault.”

I pull him up from the bed and force him into a hug. “Don’t say that, Garret. Don’t you ever say that again. It was not your fault. It was nobody’s fault. It was an accident. It was just an accident.”

“She wouldn’t have been on the plane if I’d stopped her. I screwed up. And now she’s dead.”

Is that really what he thinks? That he could’ve prevented it from happening? Does he live with this guilt every day? God, I hope not. Because I already live with it, and it nearly kills me. I keep blaming myself for her death. Telling myself it’s my fault she got on that plane. I’m the one who suggested she take that earlier flight. I encouraged her to do so. If anyone’s to blame, it’s me.

Scene from Only Her – Pearce and Garret

This scene takes place when Garret is 15.

PEARCE

I leave my office and see Garret stumbling in the front door.

“Garret.” I close the door behind him, then help him to the stairs. He can barely walk. I’ve never seen him this drunk.

“Dad,” he mumbles.

“How much did you drink?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know.”

“Let’s go to your room.” I get a firm grip on him and drag him up the stairs.

How did this happen? Why is he so drunk? He said Blake’s parents would be home, but they obviously weren’t. I should’ve called them before he left to make sure they were there.

“Garret, we need to talk about your drinking.” I help him onto his bed.

He lies facedown, his arms spread out on both sides. I remove his shoes and get a blanket from his closet. He’s too drunk to change clothes or get under the covers. I lay the blanket over him. His eyes are closed. I’ll have to talk to him about this tomorrow, although I don’t know when I’ll have time. I have meetings from early in the morning until late at night.

My life is such a mess. Work is out of control. Katherine is out of control. My son is out of control. And I can’t seem to make any of it better.

If Rachel were here, she would be ashamed of me. She would never let Garret drink like this, or even drink at all. And she’d never let him stay out this late on a school night. He probably wouldn’t even want to go out if she were here. He used to like being home with us, but now he hates being home.

“Dad?” I hear Garret mumble.

I sit next to him on the bed. “Yes, Garret.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“About what?” I start to panic, thinking maybe he did something illegal or got into some other kind of trouble. “Did something happen?”

“I’m sorry…about Mom.” His eyes are closed and he’s slurring his words.

I’m not sure why he said that, but people say strange things when they’re drunk.

“I’m going to let you sleep this off.” I get up from his bed. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

He starts mumbling again. “I’m sorry I didn’t stop her.”

I sit down again. “What are you talking about?”

“I should’ve stopped her. I tried, Dad. I really tried. But she still left.”

Stopped her? What does he mean?

“Garret, I don’t understand what you’re saying. Stopped her from what?”

He turns on his side, his eyes still closed. “From going to DC. I told her not to go, but I didn’t try hard enough. And now she’s dead.”

He blames himself for her death? How the hell could he even think that? It’s not his fault.

The day Rachel and I flew to DC, Garret was only 10 and he begged her not to go. I couldn’t figure out why he was acting like that. He didn’t usually get that upset when we went somewhere. But that day, it’s almost like he knew. Like he sensed something bad was going to happen, so he begged her not to go.

“Garret, look at me.” I hold onto his shoulder and wait for his eyes to open. “It was not your fault. Don’t even think that.”

“It WAS my fault. I should’ve stopped her and I didn’t. I killed her, Dad.” Tears stream down his face. “It was all my fault.”

I pull him up from the bed and force him into a hug. “Don’t say that, Garret. Don’t you ever say that again. It was not your fault. It was nobody’s fault. It was an accident. It was just an accident.”

“She wouldn’t have been on the plane if I’d stopped her. I screwed up. And now she’s dead.”

Is that really what he thinks? That he could’ve prevented it from happening? Does he live with this guilt every day? God, I hope not. Because I already live with it, and it nearly kills me. I keep blaming myself for her death. Telling myself it’s my fault she got on that plane. I’m the one who suggested she take that earlier flight. I encouraged her to do so. If anyone’s to blame, it’s me.

Scene from Only Her: Remember that Day

In this scene, Garret is 15 and having dinner with Lilly, who is 2. From Garret’s POV.

——–

GARRET

Why did the plane crash have to happen? Everything was so perfect, and then it all ended and it’s never been the same.

“Garrah!” Lilly’s holding a piece of carrot up to my face. I pretend to bite her fingers as I take it from her. She laughs and falls back on my chest.

“Come on, Lilly.” I point to her plate. “You need to eat your dinner.”

She sits up again and picks at her chicken. But I’ve lost all interest in mine.

“Remember that day?” I ask Charles. “When I asked her to stay?”



That day is still so fresh in my mind. Like it happened just yesterday. My mom, Dad, and I had gone out for pancakes in the morning, then went to my basketball game in the afternoon. Charles was at our house that day, making cookies for a bake sale.

He sets his dish rag down, his face serious. “Yes. I remember. But I’d already left when you asked her.”

“But before you left, my mom seemed happy, right? I mean, she wanted to go?”

“Garret.” He comes back to the table. “You shouldn’t relive this. You can’t go back and change it.”

“I know. But just tell me.”

“Yes. She wanted to go. She was excited about it. She and your dad hadn’t been on a trip together, just the two of them, for a long time.”

“Dad won’t tell me anything about that weekend. I’ve asked him, but he won’t tell me.”

“It’s hard for him to talk about.”

“It’s been five years. By now, he should be able to tell me.” I set my fork on my plate. “I don’t even have a photo of her.”

Charles sighs. “Your father never should’ve thrown those out.”

“I went online and printed out the ones I could find of her. There weren’t that many, but at least it’s something. Don’t tell my dad.”

“I won’t.” He pauses. “Garret, maybe you should see someone again.”

“I’m not going to counseling again. I’ve talked about it enough. Like you said, I can’t change the past.”

Katherine storms into the kitchen. “Charles, the potatoes were completely overcooked!”

He rolls his eyes as he stands up, but he’s facing me so only I could see his eye roll. I laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Katherine asks.

“You. Complaining about the potatoes, when millions of people are starving right now.”

“What is she doing?” Katherine points to Lilly, who’s stuffing a piece of chicken in her mouth.

“Eating her dinner,” I answer, knowing that’s not what she’s asking. But I like pissing Katherine off. I used to try to get along with her, but it was completely pointless. No matter what I say, she finds a way to turn it into a fight.

“What is she doing on your LAP instead of in her CHAIR?” she asks, her voice raised.

“She didn’t like the chair,” I say casually, as I take a bite of potatoes. “They’re not overcooked,” I say to Charles. He gives me a smile, but Katherine can’t see it because he’s facing the sink.

“She needs to be in her high chair, Garret. It is unacceptable for…”

She keeps talking but I just ignore her. I check the clock. It’s almost eight. Lilly has eaten most of her dinner, so I push my chair back and get up and take Lilly over to Katherine.

“She’s all yours.” I hold her in front of me.

Katherine steps back, motioning to her white dress. “I can’t take her. Her hands are a mess.”

“You’re saying you won’t hold your own daughter?”

Charles comes over and takes her. “I’ll clean her up.” He takes Lilly to the sink and starts wiping her hands.

I turn to leave and hear Katherine yelling at me, “Where are you going? You have to watch her!”

“I’m going out. Dad said it was okay.”

“But we have two more courses to be served!” she yells as I walk away. She cares more about her dinner party than her daughter. Worst. Mother. Ever!