Sally Ember's Blog, page 44
June 29, 2016
Wednesday watch: Jesse Williams at the BET Awards — Of Means and Ends
If you’re like me, your social media feeds were full of people sharing actor and activist Jesse Williams’ acceptance speech at the BET Awards, and with good reason. His speech is a searing indictment of racism and police brutality and has some blunt words for critics of the Black Lives Matter movement. If you haven’t […]
via Wednesday watch: Jesse Williams at the BET Awards — Of Means and Ends
Filed under: Writing
5 Rules of book reviewing — The Owl Lady Blog
Originally posted on carsonrenomysteryseries.com: Thanks for your support
via 5 Rules of book reviewing — The Owl Lady Blog
Filed under: Writing
June 26, 2016
Free online course from the grandmother of all creative writing courses – the University of Iowa — Writer’s Treasure Chest
Originally posted on BRIDGET WHELAN writer: The very first creative writing workshops were pioneered at the University of Iowa in the 1930s and they still have a mighty reputation today. They are now offering a free open online course to explore Walt Whitman’s writings on the American Civil War, looking at how writing and image…
Filed under: Writing
June 24, 2016
“The Friday TV Report” 13 + Netflix! from Sally Ember, Ed.D., and her mom
“The Friday TV Report” 13 from Sally Ember, Ed.D., and her mom
I (Sally) update this ongoing mini-reviews of certain TV and Netflix shows with our opinions began in fall, 2015). Check on Fridays! This is the thirteenth post, for three weeks ending 6/24/16. Many returning shows and a few new ones this month.
Also, I have been steadily removing my reviews of all shows that have been discontinued/canceled since we started this posting. As of 5/23/16, I added potential new shows to watch for the fall of 2016.
BACKGROUND
My mom, 84, and I (61) are probably not the “target demographic” for almost any show on television or any movie being produced currently. We live in the suburbs of St. Louis, Missouri, USA (Midwest, for those of you unfamiliar: think of that huge “Gateway Arch”? That’s here). I grew up here but then didn’t live here for 42 years; I’ve been back for about one year, now. We were both raised Jewish, but I have been a meditator since 1972 and a practicing Buddhist since 1996. We are both Caucasian women-born-women. We are considered “middle class” although we have almost zero dollars of “disposable income.” My mom is hetero; I am bisexual. We are both partly disabled. I am highly educated (doctoral degree plus other training); my mom has extensive work-experience, with a high school diploma.
My mom has been a TV watcher for over 60 years. I watched a lot as a kid, but from about 1972 – 2002, I didn’t have a TV and hardly watched it elsewhere, either. I usually didn’t have a TV between 2005 – 2014 as well, but I watched some shows online (Hulu, usually) or Netflix.
We think we should be part of a group that at least some producers are aiming to please, because we (especially Mom) now watch a lot of television. We also get movies regularly from DVD borrowing through our local library. We even occasionally go to a theatre to see a movie. We eagerly await the “new season” of television every one of the four times it seems to occur every year: “Fall Sweeps” happen, but so do Mid-season Sweeps, Mid-year New Seasons, and channels with an entirely different set of “seasons.”
We also occasionally watch TV shows and movies on Netflix!
However, we are consistently disappointed that many shows we do like are cancelled and some shows we despise seem to go on forever.
Again, for June, 2016, I/we continue with this Report.
image from http://www.nj.com
We don’t watch: most “sit-coms,” any zombies or vampires, reality shows (except one on BBC), extremely violent shows, premium channels (HBO, Showtime, Starz), “teen” shows.
Fall TV + Netflix, 2015 – Spring/Summer, 2016
Our planned evening viewing line-up for shows (updated frequently) is as follows, sort of in calendar order, BUT, those I’ve already reviewed get “bumped” to the bottom of this post.
Scroll down if you don’t see a show “on top” that you want to read my review of.
NOTE: Our viewing “schedule” includes a lot of recording-and-watching-later, due to simultaneous broadcasts and my early bedtime.
**usually only Mom watches
*usually only I watch
NEW SHOWS
Weeks ending 6/24/16
*Preacher AMC (May)
I watched the first (Pilot) Episode of this and I’m sure my mom won’t like it. I don’t really like it, either. Stars little-known actors, Dominic Cooper, Joseph Gilgun, Ruth Negga, Lucy Griffiths, which is great, but such weird/awful characters! Seth Rogen and his co-creators, Evan Goldberg and Sam Catlin, seem to enjoy the idea of alien intervention (possessing the bodies of religious Christian evangelical leaders) around the globe, with some mysterious “men-in-black”-types (wearing brown) chasing after them/it, a bit too much.
Also, as usual, unnecessarily violent (warning: bodies explode messily several times) and plain bizarre. May watch one more Episode, but maybe not. A dearth of female characters (only two of note) and unlikable protagonists make this mostly unwatchable.
Off my list.
*Cleverman Sundance (May-June)
Very odd characters reside in a sci-fi view of a post-apocalyptic Australia. Humans try to quarantine and control “Inhumans,” or “Hairies,” as they are known in derisive slang. The show has difficult-to-understand dialogue (Australian accents and not-so-great production values for sound), overly trite plot and theme devices (slavery/enslavement, illegal immigration, betrayal by “coyotes”) to convey, as usual, very harsh social attitudes towards those who are different.
Also, even worse, the writers chose to include many pseudo-Aboriginal paranormal components which I found to be insulting to the indigenous cultures’ beliefs and rituals. Why do sci-fi writers try to usurp/appropriate existing religious and cultural traditions and then depict them inaccurately?
Unnecessarily violent (so many shows are, now) with an anti-hero and no likable characters throughout Episode one: not worth anyone’s time.
Off my list
*Feed the Beast AMC (6-5-16)
Jim Sturgess and David Schwimmer are fine in their roles, but I didn’t like the premises at all, nor all the violence and threats.
Another mafia trope? More still-using addicts? Another mute child? Almost no LIVING female characters?
Why?
I watched the first Episode and won’t continue.
Hated it. Off my list.
The Tony Awards (CBS special, 6-12-16)
James Corden hosted. He’s no Hugh Jackman or Neil Patrick Harris, but we were open. He did not disappoint. Great outfits, also!
From the opening statement in support of diversity (referencing the horrific murders at Pulse in Orlando the previous morning) to both opening numbers to many one-liners and audience moments (interviewing his dad was hilarious!), Corden provided great fun and info throughout. We were quite teary during the final opening segment including children—with a mini-James Corden-like kid—and all of the nominees, sending everyone who aspires to act and perform the message that “This could be you up here.”
We LOVED the Car Karaoke segment (I had already seen the longer version online, but it was new to my mom) and it inspired us to start recording James’ Late, Late Night TV show just to see more of those.
We especially enjoyed the outdoor mini-performances done by portions of each of the this year’s nominated casts of musicals, singing songs from past Tony-winning shows, for an enthusiastsic outdoor audience. We hope the Tony producers keep this feature in future years!
Very moving tributes, commemorations and reminders of the tragedies in Orlando from several winners and presenters, which were wonderful to hear. Great cameos and presentations from some of the greatest Thespians of all times, including Glenn Close, Cate Blanchett, Neil Patrick Harris, James Earl Jones, Carole King, Nathan Lane, Angela Lansbury, Steve Martin,Marlee Matlin, Audra McDonald, and BARBRA!!!
http://www.tonyawards.com/en_US/tonynight/presenters_and_performers.html#sthash.3SrXJ1sv.dpuf
Maya and Martin (NBC)
If you like “humor” that requires sexism, racism, classism, size-ism (both weight and height), derogatory yet unfunny imitations of famous people and boring sketches mixed in with mediocre musical numbers, many unnecessary (and probably wildly expensive) costumes and wigs peppered with insipid silliness, you’ll love this show.
They referred to the 1960’s and 1970’s successful variety shows headlined by Carol Burnett, Sonny & Cher, Donny & Marie and others, but this show was so bad that it was insulting even to mention those greats during these half-assed performances.
Best sketch was the kidnapping/”Ransom of Red Chief” bit done by Nathan Lane and Martin Short, and it was not that great. Best musical number was the duet medley done by Tina Fey and Maya Rudolph, but it could have been so much better. What was the point of those horrible stools?
Even Tina Fey, Nathan Lane and Steve Martin couldn’t save this train wreck.
Skip this one.
**Brain Dead CBS (June 13)
The creators of The Good Wife brought us this seemingly political dramedy, but it’s really an aliens-ZOMBIE-like premise. Yuck.
Mary Elizabeth Windstead, Tony Shaloub and many others ordinarily good actors are complete wasted in this campy version of how mentally deranged politicians are (do they really need the device of alien brain parasites to prove this?).
Mom wanted to watch. She said: “It was okay for about 20 minutes. Then the bugs came on. I had to turn it off and erase the entire series. it gave me nightmares for days!”
Off her list.
AFI Lifetime Achievement Award given to John Williams (June 20) (TNT)
This was so delightful! Highly recommended if you are a film fan of Spielberg, Lucas, Tom Hanks, Harrison Ford, and/or Williams’ amazing decades of film scores. Great bio info and slides from his entire career.
Wonderful comments and tributes (whoever wrote those is a genius!) from so many wonderful actors, directors and musicians. Truly worthwhile to honor him and worth your time to watch.
RECOMMENDED
NETFLIX Premier dates for 2016 (some are not new shows, but they’re new to us):
[We don’t know anything about these show, below, but may check some out.]
Stranger Things – July 15
The Get Down – August 12
NEW/AS YET TO BE SCHEDULED on TV
For the summer/fall of 2016:
This is Us NBC
*Making History Fox
The Blacklist: Redemption NBC
The Jury ABC
MacGyver CBS
*The Good Place NBC
Frequency CW
Miranda’s Rights NBC
Shots Fired Fox
Timeless NBC
Broken ABC
*Doubt CBS
Great News NBC
Zoobiquity Fox
**Chicago Justice NBC
Conviction ABC
Emerald City NBC
**Bull CBS
The Death of Eva Sophia Valdez ABC
Pure Genius CBS (10/27)
Bunker Hill CBS
Marvel’s Most-Wanted ABC
Drew CBS
Notorious ABC
**Presence ABC
Time after Time ABC
Imaginary Mary ABC
Pitch Fox
RETURNING SHOWS (tried and liked, up until now… Won’t comment on them all, but a few are worth mentioning.)
Grace & Frankie (on Netflix) Season 2 (May-June)
My mom and I enjoyed Season One and looked forward to Season Two a lot. We saw Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda on talk shows in the month prior and anticipated its return with glee.
Watched Episodes One, Two and Three, so far. Many laughs and poignant situations in One, but again, funnier/sillier rather than believable writing and more performing than acting by the four main characters. By Episode Three, we were looking at each other and shaking our heads and din’t go on to Episode 4.
Martin Sheen and Sam Waterston are still wooden and unbelievable and passionate lovers. Lily Tomlin is still performing a hippie character trope. Jane Fonda is the only one of the four who actually inhabits a realistic version of a character via acting.
Brooklyn Decker and June Diane Raphael are given, as Sheen’s and Fonda’s adult daughters, mostly comedy bits and one-liners to enact, but they are getting the sisterly relationship better this year. Baron Vaughn and Ethan Embry (Tomlin’s and Waterston’s adult sons) are not given even that much to do until Vaughn sits with Sheen’s recuperating character for a while and they have a few brief scenes together.
An impressive array of talented older actors parades through as dates for Lily or Jane and friends of any of the main four, including Episode Two’s Rita Moreno (completely wasted in this), but I have yet to see any of them be given anything interesting to do or show.
Most of the supporting characters are written as stereotypes of whatever group they are purported to belong to by ethnicity, age, job or other status, which is sloppy and lazy writing and disappointing for the talents of these actors. Ernie Hudson returns as Lily’s friend, Jacob, in two episodes; Sam Elliot comes back for Jane’s dating scene in two episodes; we get Swoosie Kurtz and Marsha Mason in Episode Five; Episode Six brings back Joe Morton and Mary Kay Place: I hope these great actors get to do more than mug, crack jokes and be cardboard cutouts.
This show could be SO MUCH BETTER! But, the writing trivializes what few actual issues there are, going for silly and getting sillier even though the topics are significant. For example,
—What kind of gay are the characters of Sol and Robert? They apparently haven’t discussed this, yet. Are they even the same kind as one another? Are they flamboyant “queens,” political/marchers in gay pride parades, attendees and singers at Broadway Bingo called by a Transvestite (or Transgender: the show didn’t even bother to make the distinction, or…?
—How do older or inexperienced entrepreneurs like Frankie avoid getting conned/fleeced by unscrupulous business people (even supposed “friends” and “family,” like Brianna [who now runs Grace’s company]) who make low-ball offers and confuse them with “net” and “gross” talk when they have a lucrative innovation, invention or product to market?
—How do women enduring medically risky pregnancies that require bed rest (in this case, Mallory, having twins, which is not automatically risky…) deal with the demands of their daily lives when they can’t afford to hire help?
—How do couples who based their entire relationship on infidelity deal with their infidelitous leanings? When Sol has sex with Frankie on the eve of marrying Robert, he is convinced not to tell Robert before marrying him because Robert has had a heart attack and needs open-heart surgery to survive. Frankie is also having trouble not telling Robert, who is her life-long friend. She, however, didn’t seem to have any trouble cheating with Sol on Robert….Where is the moral compass’ arrow pointing when no one seems to have any sense of “true North” except for Grace?
—How do senior citizens deal with relationships and sexual issues (vaginal dryness, erectile dysfunction, shyness/awkwardness (newly dating after being married for decades), lack of interest?
–How do/can addicts “make amends” when they’ve lied, stolen, destroyed property and relationships/trust for many years and still can’t be readily trusted?
—Do children ever “get over” sibling rivalry? Do in-laws ever get along? How do jealousy and competition and affect adult relationships?
—How could adults deal effectively and respectfully with children’s phobias and anxieties rather than patronizing or minimizing?
Wish the writers would tackle these and other issues head-on rather than with one-liners and sit-com scenarios. The actors would then actually have something to do and the viewers would probably be feeling that their time had been well-spent instead of wasted.
Will keep watching, but so far, disappointing.
*The Americans TNT
I like this show, but the content is quite disturbing, for sure. The morality, ethics, honesty and deception issues are quite seriously depicted, there is a lot of violence (which I don’t like), and people are very screwed up, on all sides. Multiple complexities and grey areas are not shied away from, and they include many key events/issues from the USA’s 1980s: bravo to the writers, actors, director, fact-checkers/researchers!
I hate to read subtitles, but having the Russians speak Russian adds verisimilitude, for sure.
Both Matt Rhys (Phillip) and Keri Russell (Elizabeth) give nuanced, fascinating performances, especially when interacting with their now-“read-in” daughter, adolescent Paige (played admirably by Holly Taylor).
Remarkable performances also by the great Frank Langella, with key moments played by Callie Thorne, Noah Emmerich, Annet Mahendru, Lev Gorn make/made this a show well-worth watching. So do Keri Russell‘s and Matthew Rhys‘ real-life romance and child together!
Frank Langella gave such a moving speech when he won a Tony (June, 2016) for best actor, referencing Orlando and gay rights, support for diversity and for all, etc., that it gives me a new perspective on him for his role in this show.
Cringing, but keeping
*Orphan Black BBC
Cool return.
Tatiana Maslany is amazing. She deserves every acting award, ever.
If you haven’t seen this show and love great acting, tune in (but it does get quite gruesome and violent, sometimes; I close my eyes).
Saving Hope (ION, from CTV) (Season 4 and series ended in 2016, but I’m catching up)
I used to watch this show online and then “lost” it after Season 2. So glad I found it again! It’s a medical drama with a twist (Dr. Charlie Harris sees and talks with the spirits of dead and comatose/anesthetized people), with all the Grey’s Anatomy soap opera romances and medical procedures. I seem to like these types of shows a lot, and this one is especially good because of the paranormal aspect.
Starring Erica Torrance and Michael Shanks (he’s the one with the visions) and a great supporting/otherwise starring cast make this fun to watch.
Fascinating looks into being an intern and having to choose a “specialty; lesbian/bisexuality in the context of Orthodox Jews; when to “pull the plug” and how one would know (clues embedded into Broadway show tunes, once); organ donating; problem pregnancies; medical heroism; divorce, dating, (in)fidelity and amnesia (twice; you have to watch); and parent-adult child issues.
Keeping until I catch up
The Night Shift (Season 3 started 6/1/16) (NBC)
Yet another medical drama, but this one is set in Texas, which is unusual and inspired the casting directors to include many more Latina/o and African-American actors to play key roles. That is excellent (most other dramas are very Anglo/a).
Starring Eoin Macken, Jill Flint (loved her in Royal Pains and The Good Wife), Ken Leung, Brendan Fehr (been watching him since Roswell, into Bones, and now, here), Freddy Rodriguez, Scott Wolf (recently from Perception), Robert Bailey, Jr., J.R. Lemon and now, Tanaya Beatty.
Similar soap opera romances, intern/resident issues, family dramas and interpersonal issues, but adding in the wars the USA is engaged in (several Vets and Rangers among the medical staff, some who are re-deployed), addiction/recovery, pregnancy and fidelity issues abound.
My mom actually started watching this one with me 2016, summer.
Keeping
*Devious Maids (returns June 16 for Season 4) Lifetime)
This show is delightfully silly but also, quite insightful about race and class and the oppressions suffered and visited upon Latinas in the LA region(and elsewhere, I’m sure) who are working as domestic servants for the very wealthy. Has Ana Ortiz, (a professor who posed as a maid), and Dania Ramirez, Roselyn Sánchez, Edy Ganem, and Judy Reyes as ongoing maids, with Susan Lucci, Rebecca Wisocky, Tom Irwin, Brianna Brown, Brett Cullen, Mariana Klaveno, and Grant Show in other main roles. There a great many other guests and recurring stars who came from other daytime or evening soap operas and/or Desperate Housewives making appearances.
By some of the same producers and writers (notably, Marc Cherry) of Desperate Housewives, and with a funny cameo by co-producer, Eva Longoria, the creation loop is this: The plot is based on the Mexican TV series, Ellas son la Alegría del Hogar, which translates in English as “They Are the Joy of the Home,” and which itself was heavily influenced by Cherry’s previous series Desperate Housewives.
Guilty pleasure; Keeping
Rizzoli & Isles TNT
R & I‘s last season! So sad!
My mom and I both like this show a lot: Angie Harmon and Sasha Alexander (we loved her on NCIS as well) are great as a sister-like collegial team, and the supporting cast, while somewhat stock, are fun to see them engage with during each crime-solving journey. Jordan Bridges is a great also-Detective (now), younger brother, with Lorraine Braco as their caring, somewhat hovering and funny mom/surrogate mom.
The new (final) season’s storyline, of Isles’ TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) is very realistically and well-written, but ‘way too close to home, for me (I suffered one similar to Isles’ about two years ago; still recovering).
We like seeing strong, intelligent, competent women working as a team instead of competitively. Thanks, TNT! Should be more shows like this one.
KEEPING
Major Crimes TNT
Excellent show. It’s back again 2016, summer, strong as ever.
However, we find the “romance” between Captain Sharon Raydor (Mary McDonnell) and Lt. Andy Flynn (Tony Denison), to be completely unbelievable. No chemistry at all!
With Michael Paul Chan, G.W. Bailey, Raymond Cruz, Graham Patrick Martin, Robert Gossett, Phillip P. Keene, Jon Tenney and many others from its predecessor, The Closer, which we loved.
Keeping
Royal Pains (final season, summer, 2016) (USA)
Mostly silly, now, but we’ve watched every season before this so have to finish it out. Like Scorpion, we put in quarters for every absurd street-side medical improvisation they feel compelled to include (favorites are restaurant tracheotomies [with ball-point pens, of course]; and poolside or beachfront thoracotomies [with drinking straws and pocket knives], both of which I’m sure I could do at this point)!
Stars Mark Feuerstein, Paulo Costanzo, Reshma Shetty, Brooke D’Orsay, Ben Shenkman and recurring roles filled somewhat stiffly by Henry Winkler, Campbell Scott and Jill Flint. Not very well-written or credible, but somehow the scenery (The Hamptons) force us to watch.
Finishing
AS YET TO BE SCHEDULED, Returning
*Halt & Catch Fire TBD
Longmire (Netflix)
Humans (scheduled for late in 2016, UK; early 2017, USA) AMC
From Previous New Shows’ Reports
(only some are kept for more than a few postings, below)
The Great British Bake Off
It’s on again with new contestants and it’s excellent! This is only reality show we watch because the baking concoctions and watching the bakers create them are fascinating, always unusual and new to us, informationally. Many funny moments, but not at any baker’s expense, usually, which we like.
Plus, none of the competitors is actually a professional baker: a student; one makes satellites; a retired teacher; one also paints. So interesting that these individuals chose to compete in this way.
RECOMMENDED HIGHLY. Wish we could taste the entries!
Blindspot
Got very confusing, very dark, and now, completely off the rails (killing off two main characters). Why?
May not watch Season 2
Rosewood
Refreshingly NOT CAUCASIAN, not all heterosexual (but not “camp,” either), not too serious version of “non-cop with special abilities working with police” dramedy. Morris Chestnut as “Rosie” and Jaina Lee Ortiz as Annalise Villa give surprisingly nuanced performances week after week, with strong writing to back them up, usually.
Strange casting for Anthony Michael Hall as a grumpy detective, but great to see him, again. Liking Lorraine Toussaint in her somewhat minor but obviously recurring role. Liking Rosie and his sister, Pippy Gabrielle Dennis, and their banter a lot.
Strong and NOT SCREWED UP lesbian relationships on prime time TV?!? Unprecedented! But, then, UPDATE at end of Season One: writers have gone off the rails with the unwarranted break-up of Pippy and Tara (Anna Konkle) and with their depiction of Annalise’s reaction to Rosie’s news about her husband’s murder ().
Why do Villa’s Captain (Dominick Lombardozzi) and her mother (written and played very stereotypically by Lisa Vidal) have to get involved?
WTF? Ridiculous reactions and stupid situations result, starting with the unnecessary introduction of a recurring character, Mitchie Mendelson (vaguely anti-Semitic), brought in to “help” Rosie, written poorly, played by Sam Huntington.
Season Two is not looking good.
Keeping this, tentatively.
Quantico
My mom and I liked Quantico for the first half or so. Then, it devolved, as so many do, into chases and violence and not much (else?) to commend it.
The premise was supposed to be that this is a show about a new cohort of recruits at the FBI federal training academy (Quantico) in the USA. Why didn’t they stick with that? Why did they think they needed a terrorist bombing/ “moles”/ multiple deceptions-based plot?
We know it’s an FBI show and we did expect some of the above. But, really, when more than a few minutes of every show is devoted to pursuit chases and macho posturing/inappropriate blame and shaming, we look at each other and say: “Not enough plot, eh?”
UPDATE in November: going back in forth in time from the cadets to the present is a good idea but not done well at all. Relying too much on different hairdos for the female characters and who’s having sex with whom to anchor the timeline (who cares?). Still watching, but not sure why.
Watched the entire year but hated the poor visibility and convoluted storylines
Colony
We were very confused and a bit impatient with the way this series’ pilot throws viewers into the middle of an alternate Earth near-future without sufficient explanations. However, we kept watching and did enjoy the pilot, despite our bewilderment.
We liked seeing Josh Holloway, since we liked him so much in the all-too-soon-cancelled Intelligence, and Amanda Righetti, from The Mentalist, which we loved.
But, we never watched Lost, The Walking Dead or Hercules, so the others are new to us, except for Peter Jacobsen, from House and Madam Secretary, and Paul Guilfoyle, from CSI.
Luckily, I had taped the “Colony: Behind the Wall” show, which we watched after we saw the pilot. That was excellent, because it explained a LOT. We also got to see how and why they established some of the special effects and sets for this series. We are now looking forward to seeing the subsequent episodes.
Without giving away too much. we appreciated the parallels the producers/creators are deliberately creating between Nazi-occupied Paris and a hypothetically occupied Los Angeles, asking us all (and all the characters are also asking themselves and each other): what would you do? Would you be a collaborator or a resister? Are you a pragmatist/selfish/greedy “winner,” or are you trying to keep going with “normal” life while wresting control from the occupiers and collaborators as you do? What lengths would you go to and what risks would you be willing to take under these circumstances?
Excellent questions and cool concepts.
You can to the series’ website and choose your side and see what you get into there! http://www.colonytv.com/
Keeping this one.
*The Magicians (new to me, Season 2)
Don’t know how I missed this last year, but catching up, now, and liking it enough to keep going. Kind of trite, but interesting. Liking Anna Dudek in the headmistress role.
Keeping, for now
*Full Frontal with Samantha Bee (2/8/16)
I loved Samantha Bee on The Daily Show and awaited her new individual show with great anticipation. I was not disappointed.
Bee was funny, insightful, appropriately outraged and very bold, extremely feminist and “in-your-face,” but since I agree with her POV, this all worked great, for me. I laughed out loud and sighed with relief at many of her “bits.”
Finally: a feminist’s POV delivered with wit and humor about this horrible election season! Yeah! And, more coming, I’m sure.
Definitely keeping!
*The Catch 3/24/16
Watched both of the first two episodes and are hooked by the twists and intrigue. Mireille Enos (who bears an uncanny resemblance in voice, appearance and style to Ellen Pompeo of Grey’s Anatomy; guess producer/creator Shonda Rhymes has a “type”!), Peter Krause (a very different role from the geeky dad/husband in Parenthood!), Alimi Ballard (loved him in Numb3rs), Jay Hayden, who is unfamiliar to me as are Rose Rollins, Jacky Ido and Elvy Yost, comprise a strong cast.
Good to see Sonya Walger in another eveil beauty role: she’s so good in these!
Keeping.
RETURNING SHOWS Reviewed previously
Stitchers FreeForm
My mom and I found Stitchers in the spring of 2015. Because it’s on ABC-Family, now FreeForm, all the violence is low-key and mostly off-camera (yeah!), while the characters and plot are much better than on “adult” stations.
Devolves a bit too often into soap opera, with too much post-adolescent angst and horrible choices made by the youngish cast of characters, but interesting.
Take a hint, “adult” stations: this is what TV should be like!
Keeping
Scorpion CBS
Could be that this show, like so many, is becoming a bit too formulaic, a caricature of itself. This season’s Episodes had a few too many “Oh, one of the bizarre genius’ amazing ideas, number four, didn’t work, so we’re going to die” moments.
Why does Katherine McPhee almost never sing in this show? She has a spectacular voice. What a waste.
Watched all Episodes. Started putting a quarter in for every crisis. Topped out at $3.00 for one Episode!
Predictable but interesting. Good for laughs.
NCIS New Orleans CBS
Good start to the new season. Like the new character played by Shalita Grant (female, African-American, kind of snarky and good at her job).
Shalita Grant, on her own Instagram account.
Keeping
**Grey’s Anatomy ABC
I am a long-time fan of this show, especially, Ellen Pompeo
Love the anti-homophobia storylines and the actions/discussions the show inspires, especially for parents of LGBT kids and for everyone about bullying. Excellent PSAs built right into the show.
Keeping
Scandal ABC
Please explain to us why the obviously psychotic and possibly amnesiac ex-Vice-President, Sally, gets to mouth off as if she is occupying some moral high ground when she murdered her own husband? Did everyone else forget that, too?
Plan to keep watching, but where is this going?
How to Get Away with Murder ABC
Glad Viola Davis won the Emmy. She deserved it. Good acting by her and many on this show is not enough to save it, though.
The writers of this show are a weird bunch, for sure.
The production values are so bad and the timeline jumping done so poorly that we have no idea what’s going on most of the time. Filming is too dark and cuts are too quick. Dialogue is not loud enough.
Too dark without much to redeem it.
Blue Bloods CBS
My mom LOVES this show and watches re-runs for fun, mostly because she loves Tom Selleck as the family patriarch and Chief of Police. I watch it, but don’t love it.
Keeping
NCIS CBS
Definitely going to miss Michael Weatherby for 2016-17.
Keeping
Marvel Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. FOX
Got very dark and too violent. Probably not keep watching for next year.
Not liking it much any more
Bones Fox
Glad they didn’t keep Hodges so crabby.
Keeping
The Blacklist NBC
Glad Lizzie isn’t dead, but this show is off the rails for real.
Keeping, for now.
Madam Secretary CBS
GREAT SHOW! But how can it keep its title if she’s now VP?
Definite keeper.
**Hawaii 5-0 CBS
Mom is keeping this on her list for sure.
**Chicago P.D. NBC
Mom is keeping this on her list for sure.
**NCIS Los Angeles CBS
Mom is keeping this on her list for sure.
**Law and Order—SVU NBC
Mom is keeping this on her list for sure.
**Criminal Minds NBC
Mom is keeping this on her list for sure.
**Chicago Fire NBC
Mom continues to love this. One of my CHANGES conversations between authors‘ guests, poet performer, James Gordon, has recurring minor roles on this and Chicago PD!)
Stays on Mom’s list
*Being Mary Jane BET
Excellent writing, sensitive topics [alcoholism, child abuse/molestation, suicide, disfigurement/physical “beauty”/ageism for women (particularly Black women), extortion, drug addiction, dysfunctional parenting, loyalty among friends (or not)], all very well-handled. Great music choices, also.
Mary Jane’s character (played even better, now, by Gabrielle Union) is getting some chutzpah (FINALLY) and growing up (ALSO OVERDUE). Supporting characters (Lisa Vidal, Margaret Avery, Stephen Bishop, Richard Roundtree, Raven Goodwin) are getting more to do, which is great.
Glad to see Loretta Devine on this show, even though her character is so delightfully SCUMMY.
Keeping
The Librarians TNT
Fun and satisfying.
Excellent special effects and well-drawn characters, even the villains.
Don’t quite believe the romance between Noah Wylie‘s nerdy scholar and Elizabeth Romijin‘s former Secret Service ninja (Noah wishes…), but it’s all light and fun.
Miss Bob Newhart and Jane Curtain; John Larroquette just doesn’t have what they have.
John Harlan Kim, Lindy Booth, and Christian Kane round out the “regulars.”
image from http://www.tvline.com
Good show.
Keeping.
Elementary CBS
We both like this show a lot even though it’s very difficult for us to understand some of the dialogue or to understand Sherlock because of the show’s poor audio quality and his rapid-fire speech in a British accent.
Great to see Lucy Liu, Johnny Lee Miller, John Michael Hill and Aidan Quinn back again.
Keeping
On Netflix, new seasons of Jessica Jones and Longmire are now promised for later in 2016, which we LOVE! And, Grace and Frankie returns on May 6! Yeah!
Sherlock BBC
Yippee! Yahoo! Best BBC return-to-season EVER! Fabulous reunions and loved the “premise” (No spoilers, here). How great is Benedict Cumberbatch?
Also, great mystery to be solved.
Not liking the addiction story line in this or Elementary’s Sherlock (or any show, for that matter), but I guess it is part of the Sherlock character.
Keeping!
*Call the Midwife BBC
Excellent characters, based on real-life stories. I love this show.
Keeping
Suits USA
Michael (played well by Patrick J. Adams), is going to prison? Rachel, played well by Meghan Markle (but still dressed inappropriately vampy), is often too whiny, juvenile and ridiculous (and repetitive).
Sarah Rafferty as the impossibly perfect Donna and Gabriel Macht as the complicated Harvey still have the greatest tension (and are decades-long friends, which shows) and lines but not much to do.
Gina Torres as Jessica still wears too much white and is also too vampy in her costuming but is righteously angry and protective, both. Louis is still the most richly drawn and has the most fun stuff to do, and all done very well by Rick Hoffman.
Best unexpected gift acting as Donna’s alternate assistant to either Harvey or Louis is enlivened by Aloma Wright, who is funny, strong and interesting all the time. Also glad to see D.B. Woodside back as Jeff: he’s FIERCE! Appearances by other former characters give the season the feeling of “ending” as well, so we’re happy to enjoy Shelia Sazs, Stephen Macht (yes, Gabriel’s IRL father), Abigail Spencer and others’ returns, even if only for a few minutes.
Keeping, but not happy about it.
*When Calls the Heart Hallmark
Erin Krakow is great as the lead character, Elizabeth Thatcher, a rich young woman who leaves her safe, city family life to become a Canadian prairie teacher in a one-room school house, with an adorable Daniel Lessing as her Canadian Mountie/ love interest. Yes; hers is one of my alternate reality jobs.
Lori Loughlin is cast as her typically maternal and saccharine character but she does play the best friend/ cafe owner/ widow/ adoptive mother/ landlady well. Other characters are also “stock” and mostly two-dimensional, but I blame the Hallmark Channel’s writers (Janette Oke and Derek Thompson, most recently, but there are 18!) more than I fault the actors. Also has Cat Montgomery, played well by Chelah Horsdal.
KEEPING
Filed under: TV and online Series Reviews Tagged: demographics, fall 2015, network TV, opinions, reviews, Television, Television shows
June 23, 2016
Chagdud Khadro’s 2016 Summer Teaching Tour #Buddhism #Teachings
Chagdud Khadro
is the American-born widow and former student of Chagdud Tulku Rinpoche who was ordained as a lama as well.
I have been with her many times for teachings with her as Rinpoche’s translator and with her as the teacher. For those who don’t know, Chagdud Tulku Rinpoche passed in 2002, but he was my first empowering lama and my root lama’s, Padma Drimed Norbu (Lama Drimed)’s root teacher.
I first learned P’howa (the practice that includes transferring consciousness intentionally at and after the body dies or helping others do that, including those who are brain dead, already dead, or dying/dead animals) from Chagdud Khadro at a three-day event I organized for Chagdud Lhundrup Ling (A dharma center I helped start) in Maine in 1997: she was fabulous. I had the good fortune to attend several other teachings she gave or translated for Rinpoche or rituals she attended as a lama in New York, New Mexico and northern California between 1997 – 2007. I keenly appreciated her humor, knowledge, insight and compassion.
If you live near or can get to any of these events, these teachings and rituals are rare and precious. They are in the Tibetan Vajrayana Buddhist tradition but made accessible to Westerners who speak English. Well worth your time if you’re already a practicing #Buddhist, a meditator or interested in #Tibetan #Vajrayana #Buddhism.
Spread the word! Donations requested; no one turned away for lack of funds.
Chagdud Khadro’s 2016 Summer Teaching Tour
#Buddhism #Teachings
P’howa Retreat
Reno, NV
July 9 – 10
More Information: http://goodnesssake.org/special_events/special_events.shtml#phowa
Looking into the Mirror of Death to Find Purpose in Life and Peace in Dying
La Jolla, CA
July 11
robertrosson2000 @ yahoo DOT com
Rigdzin Dupa Drubchod
in attendance at Ati Ling/PPI – Cazadero, CA
with Tulku Jigme Rinpoche (Chagdud Tulku Rinpoche’s son)
July 13 – 19
More Information : http://atiling.org/events/102-rigdzin-dupa-drubchod-2016
White Dakini Drubchen
in attendance at Tara Mandala – Pagosa Springs, CO
with Tulku Sang-ngag Rinpoche and Lama Tsultrim Allione
August 7 – 16
More Information: http://taramandala.org/program/white-dakini-drubchen-2/
Looking into the Mirror of Death to Find Purpose in Life and Peace in Dying
at Rangjung Yeshe Gomde – Cooperstown, NY
August 20 – 21
More Information: http://gomdecooperstown.org/august-20-21-chagdud-khadro/
Looking into the Mirror of Death to Find Purpose in Life and Peace in Dying
Syracuse, NY
August 22, 7 – 9 PM
More Information: http://chagdudgonpa.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/Syracuse-Flier-Khadro-2016.pdf
Looking into the Mirror of Death to Find Purpose in Life and Peace in Dying
&
Emotions as Obstacles; Emotions as Wisdom
Chapel Hill, NC
August 27 – 28(times vary: check flyer)
More Information: http://chagdudgonpa.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/Khadro-NC-FINAL.jpg
cindy.palay@ gmail DOT com
Chagdud Gonpa Foundation
341 Red Hill Rd
Junction City, CA 96048 USA
530.623.2714 ext 126
Filed under: Buddhism, Meditation, Tibetan Vajrayana Nyingma Tagged: Buddhism, Buddhist, Chagdud Khadro, Chagdud Tulku Rinpoche, Drubchen, meditation, P'howa, rituals, teachings, Tibetan Buddhism, USA tour, Vajrayana, Vajrayana Buddhism
June 22, 2016
The Mixed Bag of Lessons from My Father
Those of you who read my blog somewhat often know that I don’t usually share anything very personal from my past unless it’s positive. However, this year, due to timing and other factors, I am changing that with this post. If you’re not interested in hearing about my somewhat traumatic childhood or long-deceased father, skip this post! If you are, read on.
If you’d like to leave comments, you are welcomed to do so below this post, on my site: http://wp.me/p2bP0n-1HM [If you leave comments anywhere else that this post may appear (when it’s reblogged or cross-posted), I probably won’t see them very soon, if at all.]
The Mixed Bag of Lessons from My Father
My father died in 1991 at the age I am right now: almost 62. It seemed young even then, when I was only 37. Now, it’s appalling.
Here he is at about the age I was when he died:
Ira Fleischmann, age 30
Dad died of a massive heart attack while playing doubles indoor tennis. He “was dead before he hit the ground,” according to the three doctors he was playing with at the time. They know this because he fell face forward and hit his forehead but never put out his hands to catch himself in the fall.
Because he had always been a coward about his health and avoided doctors, he died from what was actually a treatable condition (blocked arteries). We found out later that he had been having chest pains for months prior to that and hadn’t done anything about them.
My three siblings (ages 26 – 38 at that time), my dad’s third wife (age 48) and elderly parents (90 and 91), his sister (57) and others in our family and his friends were shocked at his early demise. Understandably, some of us who knew that he had avoided the doctor’s exam and that his death was likely postponable were also angry.
Know this:
FACT: 200,000
At least 200,000 deaths from heart disease and stroke each year are preventable.
FACT: 6 in 10
More than half of preventable heart disease and stroke deaths happen to people under age 65.
from http://www.cdc.gov/vitalsigns/heartdisease-stroke/
We became even more frustrated with him when we found out what a mess he had left his financial affairs in and how much his third wife would have to do to clean it all up. Ironically, even though he had sold life and other insurance policies for most of his life, he had cashed in his latest life policy to get quick cash (he was always short on cash) and died without any insurance. He had not only had made no provisions for his demise, but left no Will, either.
We spend the first few days after his death in a haze of mourning but needing to make many decisions. We ended up arguing about basic stuff:
—should there be an autopsy?
—should he be buried (my observant Orthodox Jewish brother insisted on this) or cremated (the rest of us, including his wife, knew that this was what he had talked about wanting)?
—what to do with the chaos of his home office, files, obligations, etc.?
We worked most of it out, but found out some disturbing facts along the way.
We found hundreds of business cards with some other man’s name, which turned out to be our dad’s alias (a mash-up of his two deceased uncles’ first names). The false name of this business and a local address were on letterhead and there were a few other “clues.” We opened file drawers and a desk drawers and compared notes: our dad had had a secret, alter ego, including another “business” of some type, complete with a fake office nearby.
My sisters and I, in a whirlwind of semi-hysterical giddiness and grief, put on our trench coats (literally) and slunk around to peer into this office’s windows: practically empty. No one was there or appeared to have been recently, but his fake name was on the door. The desk and chair looked unused. Nothing else was in this small room: mail drop only. For what? We knew we’d never find out. This was 1991, before Al Gore gave us the full internet, before Google, etc., and we had no money to pay to investigate in ordinary ways, so the trail ended there.
It took almost a year for his wife to make sense of the rest, pay off his numerous debts, settle some lawsuits (he was the defendant or the plaintiff in several). Even though she didn’t have to, she decided to disburse from what was left to us, his three children. It wasn’t much, but we were grateful.
We found out a few years later that our dad had purchased some oil wells in Illinois in the 1970s (yes, there are some!), when we siblings each received a notice about being his beneficiaries: where did we want to have the checks sent? Yippee!? Again, not much, but something.
So much for his financial legacies.
What else did I get from my dad? It was definitely a mixed bag, just like his financial detritus.
Planning for Death
It is cruel and selfish to one’s descendents and mourners to leave one’s affairs unsettled. Since none of us knows when or how we will die and we all know that death and/or incapacitation can happen quite suddenly and unexpectedly, there is no excuse for leaving these things undone when one has children, spouses, property and/or businesses.
The deceased one’s lack of preparedness causes what is already difficult (grieving a sudden or unplanned-for death) to become complicated, making the grieving a longer and more arduous experience for all mourners. Unwinnable arguments, hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and vying for power, money, possessions, property and decision-making victories can take up the time we should be spending in simple grief and storytelling amongst us.
image from http://news.mdl.com.au
Dying Intestate (without a Will)= BAD
Lessons: Prepare for your death NOW
Because of the mess my dad’s disorganized death left, my son’s father and I responded. We both immediately signed up for a small life insurance policy and wrote our Wills when we got back home (our son was 10 at that time). I made sure I signed up to be an organ donor. We wrote our “Living Wills” so others would know our wishes should one of us become incapacitated and we each assigned a healthcare “Power of Attorney.” I have continually updated these documents and my list of whom to contact and what to do in the event of my death and for the disposal of my remains, any service to be held, etc.
Swimming
Our dad taught me and my brother (13 months older than I, so we did most early learning together) to swim when we were three and four, something I always loved from then on. I trained to and became a lifeguard and swimming instructor as an older teen and ran several waterfronts at summer camps as an adult, training lifeguards and teaching swimming myself. I was fortunate to have had intermediate and advanced swimming lessons every summer while a camper and I appreciated passing those skills on to other campers as I got older.
I developed a love of all places watery and being in the water from my dad. I had many years of jobs at summer camps because our parents sent us to them every summer—starting with the same camp, Camp Hawthorn, which I’ve written about on this blog—that he had attended as a child!
LESSONS: Water Love
I still swim many times per week, right here in St. Louis where I grew up, at the same Jewish Community Center where he taught us to swim (but a recently constructed pool replaced the old one). Because I’ve had many injuries to both legs and my back, swimming is my main exercise.
I have loved and swum in dozens of lakes, several oceans and probably a hundred pools around the world.
I am lovin’ my sister, Ellen’s, backyard pool in California, 2013
Abuse and Strength
Our father was often an angry, impatient, intolerant, mean and frustrated person. He had been raised with physical and verbal punishment and passed those horrible habits onto my brother and me (mostly just us two oldest kids, because our younger sisters are very much younger). Our father beat up on us regularly, usually for no legitimate reason (most abusers operate that way), e.g., the TV was “too loud,” we weren’t moving quickly enough, we said something he didn’t like, we were tussling with each other too much, etc.
Our dad also yelled at us and our mother a lot and called us all terrible names. He was both physically and emotionally abusive for all my childhood years. When we got older, he focused on hitting my brother but pulling my very long hair. When he got violent and was looking for a target—any target—, I would tell my little sisters to lock themselves in our bathroom. I’d stand between him and that door, letting him pull my hair and slap me to distract him from going after them.
As soon as I got my driver’s license, I’d take them with me rather than leave them at home with him and my mom, who was very ill a lot of my high school years and not much help. They tagged along to visit my friends as we went to movies or listened to music. I took them to play rehearsals and other activities to avoid having them be at home with no one to protect or supervise them.
Luckily, Dad started having tennis matches (and affairs, we found out later), and was mostly out of the house a lot by the time we were in high school. After one extremely violent episode on the eve of my brother’s leaving for college, my mom finally threw him out. It was the beginning of my senior year.
My ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) score is very high, mostly due to my father. A high ACE score has been connected to causes of a myriad of other physical and mental health problems well into adult life, some of which I do have.
ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) impact from http://www.npr.org
LESSONS: Lemons into lemonade
I developed tremendous courage, intolerance for abuse, the ability to stand up to anyone, any time. After growing up with and surviving an abusive parent, I would never be intimidated by anyone else.
I vowed never to be like him in those areas. I went out of my way to practice meditation, get counseling and incorporate anger management techniques. I also learned to use many “positive discipline” methods while raising my own son and being a teacher of young people. As a master teacher, I supervised and trained dozens of others and helped them learn the positive discipline techniques I had honed.
I am proud to say that I have never hit my child (who is now 36) or any other child. Furthermore, I intervened whenever I witnessed physical abuse or when I saw that hitting was imminent in public or private places. I do not call children or teens derisive names, nor do I put up with anyone else’s doing it.
I was on the board for a local child abuse prevention task force. I learned and then taught creative conflict resolution techniques and mediation. I also taught parenting classes, mentoring many teen, bio, adoptive, foster and step-parents to help them become more positive and to curtail / end any incipient habits of abuse.
I became an advocate for those being abused. For example, I intervened once when I witnessed several police assaulting a teen and then testified at his trial to get his (bogus) charges dropped. After they falsely arrested me to try to intimidate me out of making a formal complaint against them, I filed a lawsuit which I won. Those assaulting officers were reprimanded and fired. That police department then changed the ways they trained, supervised and managed officers in the field from then on.
Music
My mom and both her siblings and her mom, my dad’s sister and many others in our family were amateur musicians of sorts, mostly piano players or singers. My dad had “flunked out of” his piano lessons, according to him, but he had a great, operatic tenor and loved to sing.
I grew to hate opera because of my associations of his abuse with his favorite music, but I began to play the piano and sing along with many songs and loved music from a very young age. Our dad took us to the symphony a few times (I usually feel asleep, though).
Because of my dad’s commitment to music education, my and my siblings’ love of music was educated (but I still do not like opera, hip-hop, twangy country, bluegrass, free jazz or rap). He paid for my and my sisters’ piano and my brother’s drum lessons and arranged for us to have his own piano teacher to teach me and my sisters for our first years.
Mrs. Rosenblum was ancient, to my young eyes (probably in her 60s!), and a harsh task mistress, but classically trained and very skilled. I became a gifted sight reader due to her tutelage. I won piano competitions and played complicated pieces in her annual recitals, from ages 9 – 16. From ages 16 – 18, I learned theory and improvisation from a different teacher, the talented Herb Drury, who also had his own quartet (my dad also paid for that).
Because of my accomplishments and talent, I was selected to be the accompanist for rehearsals and the annual school musicals in 11th and 12th grades (a great honor). I also sang and accompanied in several of the school choirs as a teen and in/for many community and women’s choruses as an adult.
After I graduated college, I used the small amount of money left to me by my great-grandmother to buy my first piano, one I kept and moved over a dozen times to five different states. I took piano lessons for one year during my first year as a teacher, since I lived alone and had time to practice.
I enjoyed being a paid or volunteer accompanist, musical director, piano teacher and chorus member for most of my adult life. I also have written more than a few songs, am mid-stream in writing a musical (still festering my my files…), performed in and musically directed/accompanied several musicals and cabaret shows and continue to enjoy teaching (rarely) and playing piano.
from http://www.huffingtonpost.com
LESSONS: Music rocks!
Music is a connector: more than a few of my lovers were musicians and/or singers and so is my son, who also composes. His father also plays several instruments and so do many of my friends and all three of my siblings. Music is a language: when I have trouble expressing or finding meaning in some extreme or complicated emotional states, music helps me understand my own and others’ experiences.
Playing piano, especially sight reading, uses both “sides” of my brain. Putting my fingers on a keyboard my son sent me and making music have helped me in my recovery from a Traumatic Brain Injury (from about two years ago).
When my sisters and I get together, we often sing. My son and I have had a lot of fun with “kitchen opera” (the only kind of opera I like), improvising lyrics and melodies as we cook or clean together.
My dad’s later years and my early adult life
Having worked for decades with youth and families, parents and professionals who work with youth in a variety of capacities, both educational and therapeutic, I know that my negative experiences are not even close to “the worst.” I have heard so many horror stories that it puts the difficulties of my life into a proportional perspective. Some of my childhood memories are actually quite positive.
I, our dad and my brother, 1955, Clayton, MO
At this point, I do not deny the problems my father and his problems caused us, but I have grown to appreciate and be grateful for the good things he did provide. I am resilient and stronger due to a lot of help from other adults and friends. I have developed enormous empathy and compassion for others’ pain. I understand many of the conflicts that arise between parents and children of all ages.
For most of my college and early adult years, my dad and I were estranged to a large extent. I didn’t see him very often and we almost never talked on the phone. My sisters were little when he moved out (6 and 11), so they had the whole divorced parents-visitation-dad’s girlfriends things to contend with that my brother and I never had to do since we were already in college when our parents’ divorce came through.
Occasionally, Dad would send me a check for some odd amount (he liked to round off his checkbook running total to all zeros) with no note. Sometimes I’d rip that up, even though I needed the money. I was angry and hurt, unwilling to connect solely over money.
He remarried twice. The first time was when my brother was in medical school and I had just graduated college. He skipped my graduation, but he invited me and my brother to join him and his new wife, with our current dates, at a resort in New England (where my brother and I were both in college) later that summer. I didn’t want to go, but my brother said we had to. That experience was very weird. We played a lot of tennis and ate too much food; that’s about all I remember. The wife was unremarkable.
On the few occasions I did go to St. Louis during their brief marriage, I remember Dad’s being almost the same as when I had lived with him: he was frequently yelling at this woman’s three kids, calling them names, being horrible. I was disgusted.
At one tense dinner, the oldest (a girl) had left the table in tears due to his name-calling. I followed her into the hallway and stood next to her as she cried. When she was a bit calmer, I told her (from the vantage point of my ripe old age of 22 to her 11) that he was a horrible man and that he had been horrible to me and my brother, too. I then said that I’d stand up for her and that she should call me if he ever hit her or her brothers.
I don’t know what I would have done about his abuse of her and her brothers at that time (I didn’t know about child abuse hotlines, if there even were any in Missouri in 1977), but I do know that I would have appreciated it if ANYONE in my family or among my parents’ friends had ever offered any of us an acknowledgement of his abusiveness, any emotional affirmation of the trauma we were suffering, any kind of lifeline like that; no one ever had.
Luckily for those kids, my dad and their mom divorced soon after that visit.
My brother and his wife had their first child in 1979, a year before we had Merlyn, and then they had another one about a year and half later and two more in the next seven years. Our middle sister had her first child in late 1989. Both my sister-in-law and I took had privately taken Dad aside early on and told him, in no uncertain terms, that if he ever yelled at or laid a hand in anger on any of our children, he’d never see them again. He must have believed us, because he never lost his temper with any of the grandchildren.
Throughout the 1980s, my dad loved his 6 grandkids and enjoyed spending time with them. He happened to be visiting when my son was just learning to walk: Merlyn ran/fell into my dad’s arms as he took his first independent steps in August, 1981. Precious.
For his third marriage in 1986, he married a woman with three daughters around my sisters’ ages who was the same age as Merlyn’s dad. That was creepy, but we liked her all right. We later found out that this wife was an active alcoholic who almost immediately went into recovery soon after they got married.
Because of his wife’s personal recovery work, in the last few years of our dad’s life he had begun his own therapeutic journey. He went to some Al-Anon meetings, read some books relevant, talked with her and others.
During her senior year, my youngest sister, Lauri, went to live with them “to get to know our dad better.” Our mom had also remarried a few years prior to that and she didn’t much like her husband or being the only child at home (my middle sister was finished with college and living in California by then), so those were her other motivating factors. She reported during and after that year (1984) that Dad was starting to develop some insights into his own issues and kept his temper better around these teens (only two, Lauri and her youngest, were living at home): no hitting and very little yelling.
I participated in peer counseling (Re-evaluation Counseling, known as “RC,” and then Co-Counseling) from 1979 – 1986 and then had about ten years of regular therapy, starting in 1986. I also kept meditating, attended many other rituals and personal growth workshops and generally began to understand, heal and assimilate the consequences of my childhood’s traumas.
Due to both of our being involved in personal growth work and the mellowing effect of his having grandchildren, my dad and I were finally—very tentatively—having a more connected, positive relationship. This was helped by my living in New Hampshire and his still being in Missouri (distance and very few visits were key).
Ira Fleischmann, age 59, at my sister, Lauri’s, wedding, 1988
In the summer of 1990, we were visiting Dad and his wife (as well as my mom and her husband and other family) in St. Louis. My brother and his family still lived there (he had been doing his medical residency at a local hospital). At my dad’s condo’s complex was an outdoor pool. Merlyn and his cousins were frolicking with my brother and Merlyn’s dad in the pool while my dad and I relaxed in the shade on chaise lounges, drying off after our swim.
Suddenly, my dad looked up from the book he was reading on co-dependency and family problems to say, in a surprised and completely unironic tone: “Oh my God! I grew up in a dysfunctional family! Do you have any idea what that’s like?”
I was so shocked at his lack of awareness, I almost lost my breath. But, I could see that he was authentically having this insight for the first time. I didn’t want to discourage him.
Using my most neutral tone, I responded mildly: “I think I have some idea, Dad.”
He nodded and went back to his book. That was one of our last conversations.
In January, 1991, both of his parents, then in their early 90’s, were celebrating their birthdays. The entire extended family gathered in St. Louis to honor them. Unexpectedly, our dad died about 7 weeks after that reunion, so we were very glad that we had had that time all together.
At the last family reunion, January, 1991. Counter-clockwise, from bottom left: our youngest sister, Lauri Stern; Ira Fleischmann with his youngest granddaughter, Ellen’s oldest, Sarah Miranda Kneeland; Dad’s sister, our Aunt Nancy Levin; her middle child, cousin Hillary Levin.
Filed under: Gratitude, Life lessons Tagged: ACE score, birth order, Camp Hawthorn, Child Abuse, choir, chorus, courage, dad, father, fear, Jewish, Life lessons, midwest USA, music, musicals, parenting, piano, singing, Summer Camp, swimming
June 16, 2016
Are you a reader / author who writes reviews?
Important info and instructions for preserving #authors’ rights to post #reviews on #Amazon and not be blocked. Thanks, Phoenix Rainez (and Sally Cronin) for posting/re-posting!
Click on the links in this post for more important information.
IMPORTANT: IF YOU REVIEW BOOKS ON AMAZON
Amazon appears to use your social media connections to detect “relationships” with other reviewers or sellers that might indicate manipulation of reviews. Unfortunately, this system is imperfect, and often flags innocent accounts and prevents them from writing any reviews for particular sellers/products. When this happens, you will get a message that you are blocked from writing a review because you have a relationship with a seller.
Go, RIGHT NOW, and double-check your Amazon account to make sure they’re not linked.
1. Go to https://www.amazon.com/gp/socialmedia/settings.
If either Facebook or Twitter is connected, click “Disconnect from Amazon”.
2. Now check periodically to make sure they stay disconnected! These accounts have a funny way of relinking themselves (for example, Amazon reveals that they can be linked “when you participate in certain promotions”) without you realizing…
View original post 47 more words
Filed under: Writing
June 15, 2016
11 Magazines that Pay for Short Stories for Teens and/or Children — Chris The Story Reading Ape’s Blog
Originally posted on Silver Threading ~ Fairy Whisperer ~ : Do you write YA fiction or children’s stories? Read this!❤ Source: 11 Magazines that Pay for Short Stories for Teens and/or Children
Filed under: Writing
How to Estimate Agenda Times for a Meeting/Workshop in the USA
How to Estimate Agenda Times for a Meeting/Workshop in the USA
OR
Time Management for the Eternally Optimistic and Always Late Facilitators/Leaders
I have worked in nonprofits, educational and other venues for which meetings (workshops, Board meetings, conference convocations, etc.) are a necessity. I cannot count how many times I have sat through a session run by someone else who could not figure out how to manage the time for the stated agenda, nor how to create an agenda that could actually be completed in the time allotted.
Frustrating, insulting and disrespectful to those in attendance, and otherwise a TIME WASTER.
image and meme info from http://www.inspiredemployee.com “Running Effective Meetings”
My friend and colleague, Mario Cossa, and I have coined the term “pre-crastinators” endearingly to refer to ourselves. Pre-crastinators are prepared early so that we are able to and do send out agendae AS PROMISED, distribute minutes or preparatory materials in advance and do not make other wait.
Leaders are training people with every move
—I never start late, even if I and only a few others are on time, because if I did, then I would be dishonoring those who made the effort to be punctual and training participants/members to believe that being on time won’t matter in the future.
—Similarly, I always end on time, unless I have asked the group for permission to extend our time and been granted that.
When an item requires more time
I must notice this so that we can take a break from the agenda to discuss this dilemma PRIOR to the ending time and list what our options are. The members can then let me know if adding a specific number of minutes to complete a specific item/task is acceptable or if we have to postpone that item’s completion.
If we run late, then, it is as a group and not based solely on my decision or due to poor planning. These approaches to time management show respect and organizational control. Therefore, I make sure that I/we can conclude the event and its agenda by the end of our agreed-upon time limit, with designated items labeled in advance that must be discussed at more than one meeting.
image from http://http://www.slideshare.net/gretchenrubin/gr-14-tips-for-running-a-good-meeting-2/2-1_Very_obvious_Start_on “Start and End on Time”
Therefore, I offer my pearls of wisdom from decades of managing time extraordinarily well. Take notes.
Let’s use an hour-long session as the prototype for this list of tips.
Opening, Closing and Pacing a Session
Allow three minutes extra for “entry” and “ending” than whatever you have planned. TOTAL TIME: 6 minutes
Allow one minute between agenda items/activities for transitions. TOTAL TIME: 6 minutes
Include announcements, brief introductions, setting meeting format/ground rules (if needed), selecting timekeepers/co-facilitators (if desired), site’s logistics (for longer sessions, the locations of bathrooms, break times, fire exits) thank-you’s and other necessities up front or at the end: allow about two minutes for each. TOTAL TIME: 4 minutes
image from http://vismap.blogspot.com “Opening the Meeting”
Allow a “next steps” agenda item preceding the conclusion of any session for at least five minutes to have participants be assigned/volunteer for tasks, set time expectations/deadlines, and confirm/set the next meeting date/place/leadership. TOTAL TIME: 5 minutes
Remind people of the last session(s) or read and accept the minutes to get everyone back into this group’s objectives from wherever they each just came to your session from, especially if more than two weeks have elapsed between sessions. Allow 5 minutes for this re-cap. TOTAL TIME: 5 minutes
Make sure everyone has a chance to speak during an hour-long session by inviting individuals by name to contribute at least once. During the wrap-up, ask if anyone has anything else to say before ending. Allow 4 minutes for this. TOTAL TIME: 4 minutes
You actually have only 30 minutes for your “hour-long” session’s actual agenda. Truly. And, that is only if you start and end on time. Schedule more sessions if you need more time.
What about introductions?
—NEVER use your precious session’s time for longer introductions of members’ UNLESS that is the sole purpose of your session.
—When your group has more than five people and you have only scheduled one meeting, you can’t use more than about 15-30 seconds to “meet” each other by way of self-introduction for each person.
—Be clear about that up front and then model the proper format for the group by going first.
“Quick Introductions”
Generating and Upholding Realistic Time Expectations
For a 30-minute agenda, no item should be allocated more than 10 minutes unless it is the main focus of the entire session.
Sub-divide any complex item’s components into 3- to 10-minute slots to keep people’s attention and keep you (the leader/time-keeper) on task.
For a 30-minute agenda, a maximum of 3 items should actually require group discussion and/or voting/ consensus/ confirmation of learning. If you have more, you need a longer meeting time.
Allow up to twelve minutes, total time, for each major agenda item, start to finish, including transitions between sub-items. If any requires more than 12 total minutes, postpone/table some of the decision/learning to the next meeting.
Put the designated/expected times for each item right next to it.
image from http://northboundsales.com “Sample Agenda with Times Listed”
People Management
I do not let others hijack my meetings or workshops with unending stories, unfiltered confessions, boring and repetitious contributions (like your own voice much?) or other time-wasters.
I make sure everyone has a chance to speak who wants to contribute.
When I run the meeting or workshop, everyone can relax, listen and participate well.
I facilitate with humor, grace and firmness.
People LOVE my workshops and meetings because I use their time respectfully.
If you have groups whose members consistently keep on “running off” verbally, rotate the timekeeping and agenda-maintenance roles (per meeting or per item) and don’t assume these all yourself.
Bring a visible/audible timer and use it for each item. Set the timer to go off or have the timekeeper announce when there is one minute left for that item and again when that item’s time has elapsed.
“Visible/Audible Timer”
When more time is actually needed for an item than was anticipated (new issues or problems arose, a useful activity or discussion is occurring), discuss extending the time and get consensus about that with the group AND announce that you/we are deciding that some other item(s) will now have to wait until the next meeting OR we can agree to postpone finishing this one until our next meeting.
Rephrase, reframe or thank each contributor with as few words as possible.
When someone starts to be repetitive or repeat someone else’s contribution, interrupt them with something like this: “I appreciate your enthusiasm/interest/knowledge, but we don’t have time to go over the same ground here. Do you have anything new to add?”
Remind people to add to/refer to rather than repeat others’ contributions by saying: “I agree/disagree with [THAT PERSON], AND/BUT…” and thank them for their conciseness in advance.
Use your hands and face as traffic/time controllers: hold up one finger, a hand in a stop-gesture, use a calming/quelling gesture, a nod, a frown, a smile, a slight shake of your head with clear intention. Point to the agenda (which should be posted where all can see it as well as handed out on paper) and your phone or watch or the wall clock. Count down with your fingers and say: “Two more minutes on this item.”
image from http://vismap.blogspot.com “Ending the Meeting”
Be firm and grateful, both.
Briefly summarize what was accomplished, next session’s tasks, and meeting date/time/place before leaving.
image from http://www.opensesame.com/ “Signs of a Successful Session”
Good luck!
Filed under: Life lessons, Personal stories Tagged: adult education, business, education, humor, meeting facilitation, meetings, non-profit, nonprofit, organizational management, people management, Sally Ember, Time management, timekeeping, timer, USA workplace, workshop leading, workshops
