Morgan Bolt's Blog, page 8
February 14, 2017
February 14th, 2017
Last week Wednesday was Manuscript Wish List Day on twitter, an event wherein literary agents and editors post the types of books they're looking for right now. If, like me, you’re actively seeking a literary agent to represent your work, check #MSWL on twitter and start scrolling through it! Starting before chemo, continuing during it, and interrupted only briefly in the afternoon for my customary post-chemo nap, I spent most of the day Wednesday going through all the posts, marking down who might want the kind of story I’m trying to sell. All told I found eight pretty strong matches. There was even a request for fantasy told from multiple points of view with characters on both sides of the central conflicts, a siege, and a hidden villain working behind the scenes. Since The Legacy of Rythka contains all these elements I remain cautiously optimistic about that one.
Throughout the day a few overarching themes emerged, no matter the genre, target audience, or tone that people requested. Almost everyone wanted stories of resistance, social and moral struggles, minorities and oppressors, refugees, or fighting for change. Such topics dominated the day, a heartening sight to see, partly because my stories examine these themes, but mostly because these are the ideas we need to see addressed more. These are the lessons we clearly need to learn yet, perhaps personally and certainly as a society.
It highlighted what, for me, is the most beautiful aspect of literature and one of the main reasons why I write. Literature allows us to enter worlds both similar enough to ours to harbor the same issues as ours, yet different enough that we can see those issues objectively, from an outsider’s perspective. Certainly my goal with The Legacy of Rythka is to make that possible.
When I first invented the land of Rythka and reinvented it over the years, I purposefully crafted a world with fantastic, sweeping landscapes, nonhuman species and races, and customs and beliefs that differed from anything in our planet. Yet Rythka’s landscapes are in many ways amalgams of the places I have travelled in North and South America. The species and races of Rythka clearly parallel and reflect some of the racial dynamics found in our world. Culture and religion in Rythka serve the same purposes—and are manipulated in the same ways—as the customs and creeds of this world. Rythka is plagued by many of the same issues as our world, though I hope it is different enough to show those issues in a new light. I don’t know if I succeeded or not, and ultimately you’ll have to judge that for yourself, whenever it gets published.
Whether the timely critiques of society and lessons we must learn come from my books, or, far more likely, from the writings of others, one thing seems clear. Great literature and the people who read it will continue to play a key role in shaping the future. So long as enough people keep reading, we’ll be alright.
Throughout the day a few overarching themes emerged, no matter the genre, target audience, or tone that people requested. Almost everyone wanted stories of resistance, social and moral struggles, minorities and oppressors, refugees, or fighting for change. Such topics dominated the day, a heartening sight to see, partly because my stories examine these themes, but mostly because these are the ideas we need to see addressed more. These are the lessons we clearly need to learn yet, perhaps personally and certainly as a society.
It highlighted what, for me, is the most beautiful aspect of literature and one of the main reasons why I write. Literature allows us to enter worlds both similar enough to ours to harbor the same issues as ours, yet different enough that we can see those issues objectively, from an outsider’s perspective. Certainly my goal with The Legacy of Rythka is to make that possible.
When I first invented the land of Rythka and reinvented it over the years, I purposefully crafted a world with fantastic, sweeping landscapes, nonhuman species and races, and customs and beliefs that differed from anything in our planet. Yet Rythka’s landscapes are in many ways amalgams of the places I have travelled in North and South America. The species and races of Rythka clearly parallel and reflect some of the racial dynamics found in our world. Culture and religion in Rythka serve the same purposes—and are manipulated in the same ways—as the customs and creeds of this world. Rythka is plagued by many of the same issues as our world, though I hope it is different enough to show those issues in a new light. I don’t know if I succeeded or not, and ultimately you’ll have to judge that for yourself, whenever it gets published.
Whether the timely critiques of society and lessons we must learn come from my books, or, far more likely, from the writings of others, one thing seems clear. Great literature and the people who read it will continue to play a key role in shaping the future. So long as enough people keep reading, we’ll be alright.
February 12, 2017
Housekeeping Note
I'm going away for a couple nights and as such will not have a new blog post up until Tuesday evening. That is all.
February 6, 2017
February 6th, 2017
Another cycle of chemo began last week, and I’ll go in for chemo the next two Wednesdays before my upcoming scan on the 23rd. It seems pretty likely this scan won’t be great, since my last one showed minor tumor growth. If nothing else we should get a good idea if this current chemo regimen is keeping my disease stable enough or if we need to switch things up and try something new. I suspect the latter, but that’s just my guess. I don’t know what the scans will show. I do know that whatever turns up I will be glad to at least know about it. The sophistication of today’s medical imaging technology staggers me, and I feel truly grateful to be alive at a time when we can clearly see and understand the facts about where and how much my cancer may be growing. I may not like the facts, but at least having them allows me and my doctors to form a meaningful plan to best deal with my cancer as it is, not as we want it to be. Facts, with regards to cancer or any issue, are immensely important.
Sadly it seems many of us can no longer agree on the facts, or even agree to try to find the facts. Disagreement is one of the keys to a healthy society. We need respectful dialogue to guard against extremes, to ensure our own beliefs are coherent and logical, and to see whatever wisdom those who disagree with us may offer. My post from December 5thexamines this closer, so I won’t waste a lot of time here explaining the idea, but we need to argue with one another sometimes. Constructive disagreements are only possible though when they deal with the same established facts.
We can debate who might be the greatest NFL quarterback of all time by citing statistics and making arguments based on facts. You could argue that Tom Brady is the best quarterback ever, as evidenced by his record-breaking five Super Bowl victories, and I could counter that Peyton Manning is the best, with several records of his own like 539 career touchdown passes. One of us might win the argument, or more likely we could both become more deeply entrenched in our views, but at least our arguments used facts. What will never work is attempting to debate using our own made-up “facts” that suit our arguments. We cannot hold a meaningful conversation if you claim Tom Brady has won nine Super Bowls and I argue that Peyton Manning holds the record for most touchdowns thrown at 782. It should go without saying that such tactics would be ridiculous and make meaningful conversation impossible, but right now I’m not sure.
Every day it seems some piece of fake news spreads, sometimes unintentionally, sometimes deceitfully. Fake news is a real and pervasive problem right now, and it seems most people agree it poses a real threat and must be stopped. We just can’t seem to agree what is fake or real news anymore. Too often I see real news outlets and articles decried as fake simply because what they report is inconvenient or contradicts someone’s biases and opinions. It seems that a great many people view news as nothing more than collections of opinions, based on whatever facts or alternatives to the facts one wants to believe. This just simply does not work. It doesn’t work with sports statistics. It doesn’t work with cancer treatment. It definitely doesn’t work with serious issues affecting the entire country and the rest of the world. It is time we all commit to searching and standing up for the truth, for the real facts, whether we like them or not.
Sadly it seems many of us can no longer agree on the facts, or even agree to try to find the facts. Disagreement is one of the keys to a healthy society. We need respectful dialogue to guard against extremes, to ensure our own beliefs are coherent and logical, and to see whatever wisdom those who disagree with us may offer. My post from December 5thexamines this closer, so I won’t waste a lot of time here explaining the idea, but we need to argue with one another sometimes. Constructive disagreements are only possible though when they deal with the same established facts.
We can debate who might be the greatest NFL quarterback of all time by citing statistics and making arguments based on facts. You could argue that Tom Brady is the best quarterback ever, as evidenced by his record-breaking five Super Bowl victories, and I could counter that Peyton Manning is the best, with several records of his own like 539 career touchdown passes. One of us might win the argument, or more likely we could both become more deeply entrenched in our views, but at least our arguments used facts. What will never work is attempting to debate using our own made-up “facts” that suit our arguments. We cannot hold a meaningful conversation if you claim Tom Brady has won nine Super Bowls and I argue that Peyton Manning holds the record for most touchdowns thrown at 782. It should go without saying that such tactics would be ridiculous and make meaningful conversation impossible, but right now I’m not sure.
Every day it seems some piece of fake news spreads, sometimes unintentionally, sometimes deceitfully. Fake news is a real and pervasive problem right now, and it seems most people agree it poses a real threat and must be stopped. We just can’t seem to agree what is fake or real news anymore. Too often I see real news outlets and articles decried as fake simply because what they report is inconvenient or contradicts someone’s biases and opinions. It seems that a great many people view news as nothing more than collections of opinions, based on whatever facts or alternatives to the facts one wants to believe. This just simply does not work. It doesn’t work with sports statistics. It doesn’t work with cancer treatment. It definitely doesn’t work with serious issues affecting the entire country and the rest of the world. It is time we all commit to searching and standing up for the truth, for the real facts, whether we like them or not.
January 30, 2017
January 30th, 2017
I woke up last Wednesday with a fresh, still-forming scab instead of a scar at one of my chest surgery sites. Chemo got cancelled and moved back a week, since it needed to heal and looked like it might have shown signs of an infection starting. I started another antibiotic for ten days to help combat any infection and it seems to be effective since everything is healing up nicely. I’m not sure why a scar from last April would have opened up overnight, but the skin was always quite thin there and I do have a habit of absentmindedly fiddling with things like my wedding ring or some of my surgical scars. Maybe I wore the skin even thinner by touching it without thinking during a movie, and then played tug-of-war with my dog too roughly or did something else I can’t remember that stretched it just enough to make it bleed a bit. Whatever the case I got an extra week off chemo, which is nice in a way since chemo isn’t any fun, but it also delays everything a week and gives more time for the spots they’re watching in me to potentially grow without being attacked by chemo, which is never a good thing. I should start the next cycle of chemo this Wednesday, since everything seems in order.
Despite that minor setback, I cannot help but feel incredibly privileged right now. Other than my health I have pretty much everything going for me. I’m able to get treatment for my cancer without too many hoops to jump through or red tape to navigate, for now at least. Others are not so fortunate. I’ve met dozens of people from around the world at the Ronald McDonald house, all of them leaving their homes and communities, often navigating cultural and linguistic barriers, to come to New York City for the specific care they or their children need. I especially think of one family in particular, a wonderful young family of four from Libya. Their daughter was there getting treatment the whole time I was and had a long road ahead of her yet when I last saw them at the Ronald McDonald House. It’s been a while now since I’ve seen them, as lately I’ve only been to New York City for scans every couple months, but their kindness and generosity, their willingness to share food or a kind smile, will forever remain in my heart.
That some see fit to impose a ban on such people in a misguided and ill-informed attempt to make our society safer sickens me. That Christians have lent their support to this ban angers me to the point that my jaw is sore from how much I’ve clenched it of late. I can almost understand making a (factually incorrect) argument about banning citizens of certain countries from entering ours from a perspective of national security. But it’s quite another thing entirely to pretend the Christian faith supports such callous disregard for others. One need look no further than the scathing rebuke found in Matthew 25 to see that. There Jesus pronounces terrible judgement on those who neglect others while speaking well of those who care for the most marginalized in the world, saying in verses 35 and 36 “for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me." In short, Jesus implores us to care for the needs of the needy.
I cannot claim to have made nearly enough effort in such areas as I should, and every time I read this passage a knot ties in my stomach, compelling me to do better, to seek out those who need help and do my part to share God’s love. It baffles and appalls me that so many seem comfortable ignoring this passage, instead seeing fit to turn away strangers and refugees, caring more for themselves than for others. I hope and pray that we will all see the poorly-disguised xenophobia and fear-mongering within this weekend's overreaching executive order for what it is, and that even now those whose lives depend on medical care that can only be found within this country will be allowed to seek it here, no matter what nation they may call home.
Despite that minor setback, I cannot help but feel incredibly privileged right now. Other than my health I have pretty much everything going for me. I’m able to get treatment for my cancer without too many hoops to jump through or red tape to navigate, for now at least. Others are not so fortunate. I’ve met dozens of people from around the world at the Ronald McDonald house, all of them leaving their homes and communities, often navigating cultural and linguistic barriers, to come to New York City for the specific care they or their children need. I especially think of one family in particular, a wonderful young family of four from Libya. Their daughter was there getting treatment the whole time I was and had a long road ahead of her yet when I last saw them at the Ronald McDonald House. It’s been a while now since I’ve seen them, as lately I’ve only been to New York City for scans every couple months, but their kindness and generosity, their willingness to share food or a kind smile, will forever remain in my heart.
That some see fit to impose a ban on such people in a misguided and ill-informed attempt to make our society safer sickens me. That Christians have lent their support to this ban angers me to the point that my jaw is sore from how much I’ve clenched it of late. I can almost understand making a (factually incorrect) argument about banning citizens of certain countries from entering ours from a perspective of national security. But it’s quite another thing entirely to pretend the Christian faith supports such callous disregard for others. One need look no further than the scathing rebuke found in Matthew 25 to see that. There Jesus pronounces terrible judgement on those who neglect others while speaking well of those who care for the most marginalized in the world, saying in verses 35 and 36 “for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me." In short, Jesus implores us to care for the needs of the needy.
I cannot claim to have made nearly enough effort in such areas as I should, and every time I read this passage a knot ties in my stomach, compelling me to do better, to seek out those who need help and do my part to share God’s love. It baffles and appalls me that so many seem comfortable ignoring this passage, instead seeing fit to turn away strangers and refugees, caring more for themselves than for others. I hope and pray that we will all see the poorly-disguised xenophobia and fear-mongering within this weekend's overreaching executive order for what it is, and that even now those whose lives depend on medical care that can only be found within this country will be allowed to seek it here, no matter what nation they may call home.
January 23, 2017
January 23rd, 2017
I am pleased to announce a new book in the works! Cancerous Faith: How a Fifteen Percent Chance of Living Improved my Life explores ideas related to cancer, faith, and my experiences with both. This book expands upon some of the themes I've touched on here in my blog while looking deeper into issues related to faith, cancer, and their intersection in my life over the past two years. I will begin querying agents soon for this nonfiction work, and I'll keep you posted here what happens with it.
Chemo continues much as it has the last several months. Every evening I eat a snack and take a cyclophosphamide pill. On Wednesdays I go to the local cancer center for a pair of chemo drugs through IV infusions. The only new development worth mentioning is the start of some neuropathy. A potential side-effect of pretty much every chemo I've had thus far, neuropathy is basically the same sensation as a foot or hand "falling asleep." For me it's been a very mild tingling and numbness that becomes more prevalent by the third week of chemo and disappears during my off week. It's a minor miracle I haven't experienced it before now, and it's very mild and goes away if I shake the affected hand or foot. There isn't much else to report, other than I hope to post here regularly again.
Chemo continues much as it has the last several months. Every evening I eat a snack and take a cyclophosphamide pill. On Wednesdays I go to the local cancer center for a pair of chemo drugs through IV infusions. The only new development worth mentioning is the start of some neuropathy. A potential side-effect of pretty much every chemo I've had thus far, neuropathy is basically the same sensation as a foot or hand "falling asleep." For me it's been a very mild tingling and numbness that becomes more prevalent by the third week of chemo and disappears during my off week. It's a minor miracle I haven't experienced it before now, and it's very mild and goes away if I shake the affected hand or foot. There isn't much else to report, other than I hope to post here regularly again.
December 29, 2016
December 29th, 2016
I've decided to take a hiatus for a little while to focus on other writing projects.
December 14, 2016
December 14th, 2016
Tomorrow I have another set of PET/CT scans. I should have the results by next Monday, and I'll post them here along with whatever course of action we'll follow based on the results. That's all for now!
December 5, 2016
December 5th, 2016
Controversial opinions competing to be shouted the loudest, an emphasis on proving others wrong, and attempts at delivering the ultimate telling-off seem to dominate public discourse these days. You only need to check twitter—or read the news reports on the latest, most controversial tweets—to see what I mean. Divisions loom everywhere. What most of us seem to forget is that disagreement is not the real issue. It is a profound failure to do so respectfully and a lack of willingness to learn from disagreement that creates a far more severe problem.
We need opposing voices to keep ourselves in check, to make us question our own opinions and see the merits of other ideas. Without disagreement we fall into the trap of believing our opinions are the only right ones, or that we’ve thought things through far more than we actually have. When we callously dismiss dissenting views as misinformed or too extreme to be worth considering objectively, we harm ourselves. Even the most ridiculous claims or horrid statements can often be useful in this regard. Extreme ideas define the boundaries of our conversations and keep us wary of moving too far too quickly. They serve as checks and balances on each other. We need outlandish voices we don't agree with to keep us consistent in our own opinions. When we cry foul and denounce those with whom we disagree, we alienate and divide further. When we respectfully and humbly acknowledge whatever truth others may impart while stating we disagree with the rest of their statements, everyone benefits.
With regards to cancer care, I’ve seen two extremes that would do well to listen to one another. On one side, some people argue that only modern medicine can have any effect on cancer; diet and environmental factors aren’t worth considering when planning treatment options. Standing opposed to that idea is the crowd that rejects modern medicine in favor of natural, holistic cures. Both of those views are, in my opinion, too extreme. As such they can both learn from each other. The people who swear by their turmeric-infused smoothies and those who trust only what is empirically proven would do well to acknowledge whatever wisdom the other side offers.
In the middle are people like me. I recognize that only with modern medicine am I even alive today, but I also try to limit my consumption of processed foods like refined sugars and corn syrups. There may as yet be no real scientific evidence that they’re harmful, but it also stands to reason that eating more real and natural foods—that is, eating a diet that resembles what the human body is designed to process—can’t hurt.
Yes, sometimes opposing viewpoints are devoid of any redeeming quality. Sometimes, and increasingly it seems, people form their opinions from blind prejudice or blatant misinformation, and that is a real and insidious threat to constructive conversation. If we aren't dealing with the same reality and the same basic facts, we can't hope to build anything together; we're starting from two very different foundations using incompatible blueprints. Sometimes there really is no point humbling ourselves and considering what we might learn about our own opinions when we consider someone else’s. But that occurs far less often than anyone, myself included, likes to admit.
We need opposing voices to keep ourselves in check, to make us question our own opinions and see the merits of other ideas. Without disagreement we fall into the trap of believing our opinions are the only right ones, or that we’ve thought things through far more than we actually have. When we callously dismiss dissenting views as misinformed or too extreme to be worth considering objectively, we harm ourselves. Even the most ridiculous claims or horrid statements can often be useful in this regard. Extreme ideas define the boundaries of our conversations and keep us wary of moving too far too quickly. They serve as checks and balances on each other. We need outlandish voices we don't agree with to keep us consistent in our own opinions. When we cry foul and denounce those with whom we disagree, we alienate and divide further. When we respectfully and humbly acknowledge whatever truth others may impart while stating we disagree with the rest of their statements, everyone benefits.
With regards to cancer care, I’ve seen two extremes that would do well to listen to one another. On one side, some people argue that only modern medicine can have any effect on cancer; diet and environmental factors aren’t worth considering when planning treatment options. Standing opposed to that idea is the crowd that rejects modern medicine in favor of natural, holistic cures. Both of those views are, in my opinion, too extreme. As such they can both learn from each other. The people who swear by their turmeric-infused smoothies and those who trust only what is empirically proven would do well to acknowledge whatever wisdom the other side offers.
In the middle are people like me. I recognize that only with modern medicine am I even alive today, but I also try to limit my consumption of processed foods like refined sugars and corn syrups. There may as yet be no real scientific evidence that they’re harmful, but it also stands to reason that eating more real and natural foods—that is, eating a diet that resembles what the human body is designed to process—can’t hurt.
Yes, sometimes opposing viewpoints are devoid of any redeeming quality. Sometimes, and increasingly it seems, people form their opinions from blind prejudice or blatant misinformation, and that is a real and insidious threat to constructive conversation. If we aren't dealing with the same reality and the same basic facts, we can't hope to build anything together; we're starting from two very different foundations using incompatible blueprints. Sometimes there really is no point humbling ourselves and considering what we might learn about our own opinions when we consider someone else’s. But that occurs far less often than anyone, myself included, likes to admit.
November 28, 2016
November 28th, 2016
I briefly considered writing a list of everything I was thankful for here, but I quickly noticed a theme that bears exploring. The things I am most thankful for are more intangible than material, abstract rather than concrete, or at the very least not inanimate objects. I don't mean to sound ungrateful for the things I have; I have a lot of stuff, and a lot of it is great. For example I'm very thankful for my super comfy memory foam pillow which cradles my head at just the right angle every night and many afternoons. It really is the best and I don't know what I'd do without it. The point though is I do not want for material goods, and I am, when I stop to think about it, thankful for them all.
But I am more thankful for the fact that I do not lack material goods than I am thankful for those goods in and of themselves. I am also much more thankful for what they allow me to do. I am thankful for my car, but far more so for the places it allows me to go and the road trips I have taken with my wife and dog. I am thankful for my snowboard, but much more grateful that I have health enough to snowboard still and for our upcoming family ski trip to Vermont. For every material possession I have, I am more grateful for how it enriches my life than I am for the simple fact that I possess it.
At a higher level I am thankful for the relationships I enjoy and the people that I love. I am blessed with wonderful family and friends, and that is far more valuable than any material possession can ever be. As we leave Thanksgiving Day behind and enter a wildly commercialized month of encouraged greed and consumerism, I think that's worth remembering.
But I am more thankful for the fact that I do not lack material goods than I am thankful for those goods in and of themselves. I am also much more thankful for what they allow me to do. I am thankful for my car, but far more so for the places it allows me to go and the road trips I have taken with my wife and dog. I am thankful for my snowboard, but much more grateful that I have health enough to snowboard still and for our upcoming family ski trip to Vermont. For every material possession I have, I am more grateful for how it enriches my life than I am for the simple fact that I possess it.
At a higher level I am thankful for the relationships I enjoy and the people that I love. I am blessed with wonderful family and friends, and that is far more valuable than any material possession can ever be. As we leave Thanksgiving Day behind and enter a wildly commercialized month of encouraged greed and consumerism, I think that's worth remembering.
November 21, 2016
November 21st, 2016
A probable allergy to chapstick followed by shingles—not the kind on your roof—has made the past week anything but dull. Now everything seems to be settling down. My lips aren't swollen and itchy anymore and we caught the shingles very early, before they started to hurt instead of just tingle mildly. If nothing else it's been a good reminder that while treatment has largely been going smoothly the last half-year, I still am very much a cancer patient. My current treatment might not be half as grueling as what I’ve been through in the past, and I might feel fine most of the time, but I still can't really count on my good health. At least, not enough to make many long-term plans.
Aside from the traveling for fun we may want to do, made difficult by my weekly chemo infusions, far more important life-goals and plans are also still on hold. My wife and I moving out on our own seems unattainable right now. Partly the specter of an ACA repeal means we'll likely have to stay in New York State for me to have reliable health insurance not tied to employment. Beyond that though, getting conventional jobs seems nearly impossible. Even the substitute teaching work my wife has been picking up lately became highly inconvenient this past week as I visited and phoned different doctors to figure out what was going on. Much of today was spent just communicating with different doctors both here in Corning and in New York City to change the dosage of a medication, order more prescriptions, and make sure everyone was on the same page. It’s a two person job to manage all that. There’s a lot less to do now than there was two years ago when I was just starting treatment, but it’s still a time-consuming task, and managing my healthcare remains our primary job. I don’t know when or even if I’ll be able to work a normal job again, and that’s beyond my control.
Writing, long my hobby and more recently a serious career aspiration, might help with that eventually. But a career in writing is in many ways no more under my control than my health. Yes, it’s up to me to spend a lot of time writing, editing, and getting feedback, and I do that as best I can. I'm now about halfway through book two in The Legacy of Rythka, the fantasy series I've been working on over the last year, and I've made some decent headway on another book too. But at the end of the day I need a publisher to like my book. Largely that lies beyond my control. I need people to enjoy reading what I write too; again, not really within my sphere of influence. It feels at times like there is very little in my life that I do control.
And that feeling is spot on. Not much in life is within our control or even falls under our ability to influence. Our culture fosters the illusion of control, and it is easy to forget how little power we really have. We plan and schedule our days, we believe our hard work will pay off, and we take for granted that we’re living longer than ever. And to an extent we should. It’s easy to give up and stop caring about much without some feeling of control. Believing everything in life will play out as it will regardless of our own efforts is far too extreme a view in the other direction. But we cannot see the future and we cannot know how our lives will play out. All we can do is try our best, and remember that we are not as powerful as we like to think.
Aside from the traveling for fun we may want to do, made difficult by my weekly chemo infusions, far more important life-goals and plans are also still on hold. My wife and I moving out on our own seems unattainable right now. Partly the specter of an ACA repeal means we'll likely have to stay in New York State for me to have reliable health insurance not tied to employment. Beyond that though, getting conventional jobs seems nearly impossible. Even the substitute teaching work my wife has been picking up lately became highly inconvenient this past week as I visited and phoned different doctors to figure out what was going on. Much of today was spent just communicating with different doctors both here in Corning and in New York City to change the dosage of a medication, order more prescriptions, and make sure everyone was on the same page. It’s a two person job to manage all that. There’s a lot less to do now than there was two years ago when I was just starting treatment, but it’s still a time-consuming task, and managing my healthcare remains our primary job. I don’t know when or even if I’ll be able to work a normal job again, and that’s beyond my control.
Writing, long my hobby and more recently a serious career aspiration, might help with that eventually. But a career in writing is in many ways no more under my control than my health. Yes, it’s up to me to spend a lot of time writing, editing, and getting feedback, and I do that as best I can. I'm now about halfway through book two in The Legacy of Rythka, the fantasy series I've been working on over the last year, and I've made some decent headway on another book too. But at the end of the day I need a publisher to like my book. Largely that lies beyond my control. I need people to enjoy reading what I write too; again, not really within my sphere of influence. It feels at times like there is very little in my life that I do control.
And that feeling is spot on. Not much in life is within our control or even falls under our ability to influence. Our culture fosters the illusion of control, and it is easy to forget how little power we really have. We plan and schedule our days, we believe our hard work will pay off, and we take for granted that we’re living longer than ever. And to an extent we should. It’s easy to give up and stop caring about much without some feeling of control. Believing everything in life will play out as it will regardless of our own efforts is far too extreme a view in the other direction. But we cannot see the future and we cannot know how our lives will play out. All we can do is try our best, and remember that we are not as powerful as we like to think.
