Michael May's Blog, page 2

Jane and the Unpleasantness at Scargrave Manor

I've re-read this several times, but recently did it again in order to catch up to the rest of the series (which I'll also jot some notes about here in yet another attempt to figure out what to do with this blog).

I love the series. I've always known who Jane Austen was and what she wrote, but it was Stephanie Barron (a pen-name for Francine Mathews) who introduced me to Austen as a human being who happened to also write several classic novels. Her Austen is observant, smart, and funny. The mysteries tend to be spooky, but even when they aren't, they're compelling. Barron includes great details to bring the historical period to life and has created a fantastic cast of supporting characters (some based on real people, but not all) who follow Jane from book to book. 

This one picks up right after Jane has rejected a marriage proposal. It would have been a good match for practical purposes, but she didn't love him. Her decision created some drama in the family and community, so in this novel she escapes to stay with a recently married friend and her husband. And when the husband dies under suspicious circumstances and people start looking side-eyed at Jane's friend, Jane takes it on herself to find out what really happened. 

And there may be a family ghost involved.

The story tends to drag a little for me in the middle these days, but I think that's because I'm so familiar with it that I'm eager to get to the final revelations at the end. It certainly didn't feel slow the first time I read it.

Thinking About God

Evan Hanson and I have talked for a couple of years about producing a feature on After Lunch where we talk about the intersection of religion, philosophy, and art. The word "art" might give the wrong impression. Mostly we're thinking about movies and TV shows that spark ideas in us about religion and philosophy. 
We're very serious about doing it, but if you listen to After Lunch, you know that Evan's wife is ill and has been for a while. So Evan's time for podcasting is limited and it's impossible to predict when we'll get around to adding this series to the show.
When we first started talking about it, Evan came up with a list of topics that we could discuss. So while I try to do something with this blog, I think it might be good for me to take a stab at writing about each of these topics a little. Not instead of producing the episodes or in any way competing with that project, but just as a form of note-taking for myself. When we do get around to the series, I may use some of this or I may find that I've completely changed my mind. And it will certainly be true that conversations with Evan will challenge how I think about these topics. He's done at least as much thinking about religion as I have and endlessly more study of the world's philosophers. 
His idea for the first episode is a natural place to begin: Introductions. It'll just be a chance for us to talk about our backgrounds with religion, spirituality, and philosophy and why we're both interested in discussing those things with each other on a podcast. Evan has questions about how religion, spirituality, and philosophy are alike and how they're different. And what our relationships are to religious and philosophical texts: how we read and apply them.
I've only done basic high school study of philosophy, though I'm very interested in big ideas and excited to hear Evan explain them so that we can talk them over. I've spent a lot more time on religion and spirituality - my whole life really - and it's going to be a challenge not to ramble about my background. I'll try to be concise.
I was raised by Christian parents and have always believed in that view of God. I have doubts that I'll talk about in future posts and eventually on the podcast, but I cannot shake off the belief that someone created all of this. I don't believe this is opposed to Science. I'm sure this will get fleshed out later too, but I believe that Faith and Science are answering two different questions and that we come closest to the truth when we use them together. 
I passed the point where walking away from my belief in the Christian view of God is even a possibility. There's no part of me that wants to, however many questions I have about him. But that's mostly because I've spent my life asking those questions and receiving good answers. As it turned out, my biggest questions weren't about the believability of God, but about specific ideas about him that I heard as a kid. When I kept an open mind about the theology and allowed my vision of God to change and grow, I found that I was always led to a view of him that made sense. 
I got my Bachelors degree in Theology with the intent of going full time into ministry, but one of the benefits of that education was that I learned I didn't want to become a professional minister. I don't regret a dollar or minute that I spent though. I learned new ways of thinking about God and Scripture that I've used the rest of my life and have shared with other people. 
This is getting long, so I'll save for another post the questions about how religion, spirituality, and philosophy are alike to me and how I think they're different. And what my current relationship is to the Bible, the religious text I'm most familiar with, and how I read and apply it.

Christmas 2024

We had a relaxing, comfortable Christmas again this year. With David grown and it just being the three of us in the house, that's the vibe we go for lately. 
Last year, Diane let me know that real Christmas trees are hard on her allergies, so I bought her an artificial tree as her big Christmas gift. David and I put it up this year and loved how easy it was to assemble. No trying to make it stand up straight and tying it to a wall to keep it from falling over. No futilely trying to keep it watered to prevent it from drying out too quickly. And it already has lights on it right out of the box. 
We've lost the romance of going to our favorite tree farm and cutting down our own, but I did still bring in real greenery for the holiday. We always get a real wreath for the front door, so this year at the nursery I also picked up some garland: white pine like our Christmas trees used to be. I hung it on the railings going up to our front porch and also the railing on the inside stairs. It wasn't as full and lush as I imagined, but it's pretty in a humble sort of way. Bob Cratchit would like it.
For the last several years, I have a tradition of starting the same book every December. It's called Christmas: A Treasury of Verse and Prose, a collection of art and writing curated by Sheila Pickles. The writing is a mix of letters, essays, and story excerpts that Pickles describes as helping her keep Christmas in context. It has the same effect on me. It's so easy to let the holiday get out of control and these paintings and writings (mostly from the 19th Century) either describe very simple, but joyful holidays or communicate thoughts about Christmas that ground me in its meaning about Christ, but also family and friends.
We always get together with my side of the family a few times during the season. I help my Mom make one of my favorite holiday treats, a fruit-filled pastry that I and some other out-of-town family and friends can't celebrate without. We make them, I take some home, and she ships the rest around the country.
Then there's our annual trip to the very small town of Kellogg, Minnesota where we have lunch at the same diner every year before going to Lark Toys, a magical independent toy store that has individual rooms for various kinds of toys, but also books and games. There's a huge collection of vintage toys to look at. There's also a soda counter/grill, a fudge shop, a candy store, and an indoor carousel with beautiful, hand-carved wooden animals to ride. 
Rather than buy individual gifts for family members, my folks treat us to some kind of Christmas outing every year: a play or a concert or something like that. This year we watched the Minnesota Orchestra perform a tribute to John Denver, my Mom's favorite musician and someone the whole family has a lot of fondness and nostalgia for. The concert featured Christmas songs, but also all the signature stuff like "Country Roads" and "Rocky Mountain High" and "Calypso," a personal favorite of mine. Accompanying the orchestra were members of John Denver's old band, but also archival recordings of him singing. As someone who grew up on this music, it was incredibly moving for me.
Finally, my brother and his wife traditionally host Christmas Eve dinner, though this year their schedule prevented it being on Christmas Eve. That worked well for Diane, David, and I though. 
For most of our married life, Christmas Eve has been a time to get together with Diane's side of the family. There was a traditional meal and lots of caroling accompanied by Diane's mom on the piano. After Diane's folks died, we continued the tradition at her brother's place (without the piano accompaniment), but he and her other siblings have gradually moved to other towns and cities, so now it's a chaotically fun Zoom call. 
Typically, we'd have to leave my brother's place after dinner to get home in time to call Diane's family. And then the last couple of years, we've adopted the Icelandic tradition of Jólabókaflóðið. We buy each other a selection of books to be opened on Christmas Eve, then we spend the night reading. It's a wonderful, relaxed, low-stress way to finish an evening directly following two different family gatherings. But this year, with my side's family meal moved to a different night, there wasn't the usual rushing around before book time.
Christmas Day was also very relaxed. We slept in and opened gifts around 10:00. Then we didn't have anything else scheduled until dinner time, so we leisurely cleaned up and spent the rest of the day reading and/or napping. My big gift for the year was an iPad. I resisted it for years, because I didn't think I needed it, but my little Kindle wasn't cutting it for reading digital comics, so I finally asked Santa for a larger screen and spent the afternoon catching up with Wonder Woman.
My sister and her family came over for an informal Christmas dinner (our oven broke a couple of days ago, but Santa brought us an air fryer that saved the meal). Then we relaxed some more until about 10:00 pm when Diane went to bed and David and I went to a late show of Robert Eggers' Nosferatu. 

Greatness Will Not Make Me Happy

I'm reading Sense and Sensibility and was struck by this exchange between Elinor and Edward. She speaks first. Not accusatorily; just matter-of-factly.

"You have no ambition, I well know. Your wishes are all moderate." 
"As moderate as those of the rest of the world, I believe. I wish as well as every body else to be perfectly happy; but like every body else it must be in my own way. Greatness will not make me so."

Edward gets it.

The Express Purpose of Interfering

I just finished reading The Peril at End House, a Hercule Poirot mystery by Agatha Christie. It's very very good, but I was especially struck by a bit of theology that Poirot brings up.
There's a minor spoiler in this, so if the book is on your reading list and you want to remain totally surprised, you'll want to skip this whole thing.
Some set up: Poirot and his buddy Hastings suspect that someone is trying to murder a young woman named Nick. It's an unusual case, because they're trying to prevent a murder instead of solve one. That's one of the things I love about the book. 
But here's the spoiler: Nick's cousin Maggie is dressed similarly to Nick at one point and is killed instead. Shortly after, Poirot and Hastings talk about what happened. Hastings is narrating and begins:

"It's really amazing the way Nick has escaped. It seems almost incredible." 
And suddenly I remembered the tone in Frederica’s voice as she had said: "Nick bears a charmed life." 
I shivered a little. 
"Yes," said Poirot, thoughtfully. "And I can take no credit to myself. Which is humiliating."
"Providence," I murmured. 
"Ah, mon ami, I would not put on the shoulders of the good God the burden of men’s wrongdoing. You say that in your Sunday morning voice of thankfulness — without reflecting that what you are really saying is that le bon Dieu has killed Miss Maggie Buckley." 
"Really, Poirot!" 
"Really, my friend! But I will not sit back and say 'le bon Dieu has arranged everything, I will not interfere.' Because I am convinced that le bon Dieu created Hercule Poirot for the express purpose of interfering."

It's a profound, important idea that Poirot expresses. Hastings offers a quick, simple platitude about the Providence of God being responsible for saving Nick, but he hasn't thought through the implications. Hastings is never the deepest thinker, but someone a little more thoughtful would realize what Poirot points out: that God can't just get credit for saving Nick. If Hastings is right, then God must also taking the blame for murdering Maggie.
Poirot goes even deeper though and dismisses the idea that God had a direct hand in the affair at all. In Poirot's view, God has placed his people on the Earth to act on God's behalf. We don't get to sit back and wait for God to fix the world. We have to understand that it's our job to fix it as God's agents. That the way he fixes it is through us. 
It's a terrifying responsibility that more of God's people need to take seriously, but I think Poirot is absolutely right.

Macroblogging

A-ha!
For a long time, Twitter has been my preferred social media platform, but like a lot of people, my relationship with the site became complicated once Elon Musk took over. Not only do I not much like the guy; he also tinkered with (or threatened to tinker with) the site until I started thinking seriously about moving to a different platform. A tried a few and the one that stuck the most was Bluesky.
I've talked about this quite a bit on After Lunch, but I've never been able to fully migrate to Bluesky. It doesn't yet have all the features that I need so that I can customize and curate my experience. For all of Twitter's flaws, it allows me to sort my favorite accounts into lists so that I only see what I want from people I trust.
Using both sites, I knew that I didn't want to just cross-post the same stuff on each. I don't want to identify myself as a 'content creator.' Down that road (at least for me) lies an emphasis on statistics and analysis that I'm not interested in. The beautiful thing about being an amateur in all of my creative endeavors is that I get to make or share whatever interests me without having to worry about an audience. I don't use both Twitter and Bluesky to increase my reach. I use them both because they each have advantages that the other doesn't. 
So I've been in the same kind of dilemma on those sites that I've been in with this blog. What do I post where? And why? The answers to those questions have changed constantly since I started using Bluesky, but I think I'm close to figuring it out.
I don't remember how, but I was recently reminded of the term 'microblogging' in relation to platforms like Twitter and Bluesky. That helped me understand how I want to think about those places. Rather than a marketing tool or even just a place to chat with my friends, they're also a form of blogging. My homepage on both sites is a kind of blog where I can express thoughts, but also collect art that I like or post links to stories that I think are interesting. I just have to do it really briefly, because that's how those sites work.
Currently, I'm more interested in microblogging on Twitter than on Bluesky. Like I said, Twitter has a lot more function to it at the moment. Bluesky's main advantage is that some of my friends only use that platform, so I have to at least check in there if I want to stay in touch with them. But interacting with them doesn't mean that I also have to blog there.
The pleasant irony is that figuring that out has also clarified what to do with this site. Since it's all blogging (which is essentially digital scrapbooking), all I have to do when I want to talk about something is decide how much space I need to do that. Most of the time, a quick post or link on Twitter will be fine. But occasionally, like with this post, I'll need more space to think and unpack. And that's what this place is for.
This seems like a 'no duh' revelation now that I've arrived at it, but that's often how my brain works. The answer is right there, but I'm so caught in a different way of thinking that I can't see it until I trip on it. In this case, I've long thought of this blog as a marketing tool or a place for content creation. I got tired of doing that a long time ago, so I started using it only to advertise my podcasts. Then I got tired of even that and stopped using it altogether. 
Seeing it as a place to collect random thoughts that won't fit on Twitter (even just seeing it as connected in function to Twitter) is a purpose that I can clearly envision and make use of.

Religion and Politics

So, nope. I'm not going to talk about God. At least not in a lot of specific detail.

I wrote a long post with some personal history that set the table for future posts about the evolution of my theology. But then I realized that I couldn't post it. It indirectly referred to people whom I'm still close to, but disagree fundamentally with on some things. And while it's highly unlikely any of them would read this, it's also possible that they could.

I tend to agree with the wisdom of not talking about religion and politics with just anyone. There are times when I'm comfortable expressing my opinions about those things to strangers, mostly when those opinions are about basic principles like "love your neighbor, including your enemies." But digging into the details of what that looks like on a practical level... that needs a lot of nuance and grace. Things that talking on the Internet isn't designed for.

So I'm still thinking about what I might do with this place. 

Dusting Off the Furniture

I'm struggling to figure out what to do with this space. 

I mean, I'm not really. It's pretty easy to just ignore it. But then I remember that I have it and I feel like I should be using it. Unlike social media, it's a place that's wholly mine. And in a social media landscape that's down to just Twitter and Bluesky for me, it's nice to have a quiet place to record thoughts. But what thoughts to record?

Hmm. Actually, social media isn't down to just Twitter and Bluesky. Those are where I do most of my actual interacting, but Letterboxd and Tumblr are more actually useful to me. Letterboxd for logging movies of course. And Tumblr for just looking at and sharing inspirational art. I don't use either of them for actually talking about anything. I'm not having conversations there. That's what podcasting is for.

So anyway, back to what is this place for? 

I don't want it to take up too much time or feel like an obligation. I'm trying to get back into fiction writing, so I don't want to pour my writing energy into blog projects like I've done before. Unless the muse really hits me, but it hasn't in a long time and I'm okay with that. I tend to talk about projects like that on After Lunch, so that itch is scratched anyway.

Which leaves shorter thoughts. Maybe a way to process things that I've been thinking about. Maybe trying to consciously get away from labored, thoughtful writing and doing more stream-of-consciousness stuff. Just getting back into the habit of writing again, but in a way that's more natural and free-form.

Honestly, a lot of what's on my mind lately is about God. Maybe I'll talk about him for a while.

Anyway, this is me just dusting off the furniture to see if I can make this place usable again.

Thinking About Blogging (About Thinking)

 I want to get back to doing some actual blogging rather than using this space to promote podcast episodes. I feel like by now everyone knows where to find my podcasts if they're interested. And for those who don't, the individual websites for each one are in the sidebar.

I don't have a specific blogging plan other than to ease into it. I'm not gonna set any huge projects for myself right away. I need this to be spontaneous and fun. This is just a note to express my intention. Less podcast promo, more actual thoughts about things.

After Lunch | Planet of the Apes (1968)

Rob, Pax, and I visit the Planet of the Apes! Kicking off a bunch of discussions about the simian series, we start with a quick conversation about Pierre Boulle's novel before exploring the 1968 movie that started a phenomenon. 
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