Averil Dean's Blog, page 27

Horns and Roofies

One thing they don’t tell you about publishing: you will be so sick of yourself by the time the book comes out that the latest sighting of your own beloved cover makes you want to apologize far and wide for having written the damn thing in the first place. I’m embarrassed by the amount of time I spend in the sandwich board and pasties, trotting down Main Street with a sequined megaphone in one hand and a plate of roofied chocolates in the other. Of course I understand that this is how it work...

Midlife

While I’ve been over here whingeing and whining about the price of tea in China, other people have been using their time more productively. Our friend Mr iPants, for instance, has oh-by-the-way published a book. I had the chance to see MIDLIFE early on, and have the coffee-splattered keyboard to prove it. I remember reading and rereading some lines, thinking, Wait, did he just say what I think he said? He did, he did, and no human being should ever say that! I mean, there’s a chapter called “...

Skyrocket

So, the job. I think I’m going to like it, though the 8-ball is still uncertain. Definitely the gig has its perks. The offices are clean and efficient, and while there may be a personality or two in the mix, most of the people I’ve met seem pretty easy to get along with. Also, there’s a lot to be said for a warm workplace–sure as hell beats an outdoor job at this time of year.

I’ve spent the morning in a slow burn on the topic of minimum wage, after following an online debate which started wit...

Mangler

Fuckity fuck. The wall.

I don’t know what to do with this book, how to make it better. I see what the problems are but don’t have a single fresh idea for how to solve them. The characters are grumbling and stubborn and won’t make the shifts I’m asking for. In fact they won’t budge at all. In desperation I printed out some scenes and ran them through the mangler, stuck a bunch of post-it notes around my desk, hung a fresh index card from my lamp with the words Character = Story written across i...

Black Thursday

Wednesday evening and I am still employed. At work I’m being flooded with the first days’ info-dump, in which I stand like a rock in a fast-moving stream, getting in everybody’s way. The sweet young thing who’s training me is pretty wonderful and clearly adored by one and all, so I’m keeping a beady eye on her to see how it’s done.

I imagine my American peeps are drinking hard in preparation for the Thanksgiving extravaganza. We’ve already had our big dinner and I’m not into competitive consum...

Bacon

Yesterday we had a big dinner. I won’t say Thanksgiving since we missed both the day and every traditional dish that’s meant to go along with it, but I did spend the afternoon in the kitchen as per usual. My older son is vegan now and I’m a lapsed vegetarian trying to get back on track, so I made things like spicy stuffed dates and walnut-mushroom paté (which are delicious but bear an unfortunate resemblance to stuffed cockroach carcasses and poo in a pot, respectively—a fact which thrilled t...

Velma 2.0

The verdict is in. My background has passed muster and I start my new job on Monday. After picking through my dismal wardrobe, I decided a trip or three to the secondhand stores was in order. My first go-round netted me a black corduroy skirt and two sweaters, but damned if it didn’t also require glancing into a full-length mirror. Awful at my age, let me tell you. I am seriously rocking a Velma hairdo, and in the corduroy skirt, tortoiseshell glasses and turtleneck, the resemblance is startl...

Sharpie

This week I hope to start a new job. (I say I hope because the offer is pending a background check, and though I consider myself blameless in the grand scheme of things, who the fuck knows? Melissa McCarthy may be across the country racking up my credit cards while I’m over here feeling cocky about my chances.) It’s a receptionist gig at a medical facility, so basically I will smile a lot and keep my eyebrows plucked and try to remember who’s on line three. I’m looking forward to the work, ac...

Velma and Daphne

It’s 7am. We’re headed down to Portland for the day, after which I’ll be putting my mom and daughter on a southbound plane and settling back into the quiet. I haven’t done much about the job hunt over the past week, though I did have a second interview yesterday which seemed to go pretty well. It’s a wildly competitive job market out there, so I bought a new outfit for the occasion and wore my glasses the whole time in an effort to appear more Velma than Daphne to the powers that be. We’ll se...

Vapor

I’m out for a walk this morning with my little dog. The air is cold and sharp in my throat, a bank of fog over the lake like plumes of smoke from an underwater gathering of mermen. A clutch of black-and-white ducks flies past, so close to the water that their wings leave a vapor trail along the surface. I can hear their feathers the air, a brushing wing-beat, that quiet, powerful sound with all their muscle and bone and instinct contained within it. Push push push, their necks arrowed forward...