Chrys Fey's Blog, page 6

O - Our Story (Keepsake Journal)

Theme: Grief Work and Healing Journey

MY MOM'S MEMORY JOURNAL: 

April 8th, one month and three days after my mom passed away, I found a journal my mom was using to write down her life's memories. I had been looking for a keepsake journal that I knew she had, but I never found it. She must've gotten rid of it because she didn't care for the prompts but rather wanted to write whatever came to her mind instead.

The journal is almost half full of memories.

On the inside of the journal, she'd written:

"I am writing this journal to record any memory of my life when I remember some event.

"I hope this journal will be good reading someday."

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N - Nature

 

Theme: Grief Work and Healing Journey

The week after my mom passed away, I went to Erna Nixon Park, a nature park with a nice, boarded pathway. I walked it with my dad and stepmom as a distraction, to get out of the house, and to be in nature.

Before I left, I sat down on a bench in a little tree nook and spoke out loud to my mom. I don't remember what I said. Maybe I apologized for my what I regretted and felt guilty about, as I had times before then and times after that. I might've just told her I loved her and missed her. Or I did a combination of all of that. Either way, what I said wasn't really important. What was important was that I spoke to her because I needed that.

I also took a bunch of pictures and posted a few photo dumps on Instagram. 

Like these:

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M - Miracle Moments

 

Theme: Grief Work and Healing Journey

Miracle Moments are those times after someone passes away, when in the midst of your grief, something happens to bring you peace or happiness or calm, that can make you feel connected to your loved one and give you hope, and even make guilt and regret vanish.

FIRST MIRACLE MOMENT:

I experienced my first miracle moment on March 16th (13 days after my mom had passed away). I was having a really hard time. I was in my mom's bedroom, lying on her bed, hugging myself and sobbing.

Since my mom had passed away, I'd been stepping into her room occasionally to clear out the medical supplies and to find things that my mom wanted to leave to my siblings. Each time I went in there, I couldn't find my mom's Bible, which was odd, because it had been in the same place for months--close to her recliner, beneath her childhood vanity. But every time I looked for it there, I couldn't see it.

In the middle of sobbing on my mom's bed, I looked over and there it was, right where I had known it should've been, as if it had been hiding in plain sight until that moment.

I got up, sat down on her recliner, and opened it. On the dedication page I found an old, aged yellow piece of newspaper my mom had taped to it. It was a poem...the "Immortality" poem by Clare H. 

I recognized it immediately and started sobbing anew. 

It was like a message from my mom telling me not to cry (anymore), that she was okay and that I'm okay, that she is with me still...everywhere.

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L - Ladybug Rocks #LadyBugRocksFL

 

Theme: Grief Work and Healing Journey

A few weeks after my mom passed away last year (2023), I found a small bucket of stones my mom had hand-painted to look like ladybugs. She had wanted to use them as swag at book events. Either as is or to turn them into magnets. I decided to leave them in random places for strangers to find, hoping they’d bring a smile to someone’s face. Or bring others a little luck. I think she would’ve liked the idea of her ladybug stones decorating the city for people to discover by chance, like treasure left behind by fairies. (I’m the fairy.) 

There were 63 ladybug rocks total. I still have a handful left for special occasions.

These are the ladybug rocks.Read more »

K - Kitchen Time

 

Theme: Grief Work and Healing Journey

One of the first things I did after my mom passed away was go through her recipes. I was looking for her best recipes as well as things I could make myself. The recipes that I did not keep—which were just magazine recipes or recipes she jotted down from cookbooks—I gave to my siblings to go through and take what they wanted. I made copies of all of my mom's special recipes and gave them to my siblings.

The first meal I made myself was a cottage pie recipe that calls for beer (I used non-alcoholic beer because that’s what I had). It was yummy.

Then I made salmon with a brown sugar and hoisin sauce glaze.

I also made my grandma’s sloppy joe recipe that calls for a can of cream of mushroom soup.

Then came a creamy chicken recipe and another salmon recipe with mustard, brown sugar, and dill.

And so on and so forth.

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J - Job (New Job)

 

Theme: Grief Work and Healing Journey

I started a full-time job in June, three months after my mom passed away. Before then, I was a stay-at-home writer, fully disabled under the law. However, living on my own required me to get a job in order to survive.

I applied to more jobs than I can tell you and interviewed for a few that ended up not being right for my needs. The job I landed was actually advertised in a local Facebook group my sister is a member of. She sent me the post. I contacted the person who advertised the job, got an interview with the owner, vice president and general manager, and got confirmation two hours later that the job was mine. 

Although I will not say where I work for obvious Internet safety reasons, I will say that I am in an administrative role. I really like my job. It's easy, but there's still challenges to keep it from being boring. At the same time, there's lulls where I get to write.

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I - Imari

 

Theme: Grief Work and Healing Journey

When my mom passed away, I finally realized why people become so attached to their loved one's clothes (and it’s because we live our lives in our clothes, memories are attached to them, and our scent clings to them). I had a hard time dealing with my mom’s clothes because I could picture her wearing them, and then there was the fact that they still smelled like her. Not her perfume, but her.

Although her clothes and her room didn’t smell like her signature perfume—because she had been out of her signature perfume for over a year—I found myself wanting to smell it for comfort and to remember my mom.

Our sense of smell is powerful. We can catch the whiff of something and be brought back to a time when we were children. We can pass by a stranger in a store, catch the scent they are wearing and recall our mom or dad or teacher or [fill-in-the-blank] using that same scent.

For me, AVON scents hold powerful memories. 

My mom sold AVON for years.

I even sold AVON for years.

My mom’s favorite perfume is Imari by AVON.

She also loved Haiku by AVON.

Another perfume she loved, although not by AVON, was Shishado.

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H - Haiku Poetry

 

Theme: Grief Work and Healing Journey

My mom used to pen Haikus for fun, and she did it her way most of the time. She didn’t often pay attention to how many syllables each line had, which made them even more special and cute.

 

Here are a few of my mom's Haikus:

Flooding waters

lapping at the door

catfish swimming by

(She wrote that one after Hurricane Fay hit Florida. If you read Seismic Crimes, this is the catfish that inspired the catfish in a scene in the beginning of the book.)

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G - Grief Share

Theme: Grief Work and Healing Journey

Grief Share are meetings you can attend with other grieving individuals that are typically held at churches. The lessons and the workbook are Christian-related, but even people who aren't Christian can benefit from being around and talking to other people who understand, in some way, what you're feeling and going through. And if you're not Christian, you can just ignore what doesn't work for you or your faith.

There are other meetings you can attend other than Grief Share, but I'm talking about Grief Share because those are the meetings I'd found close to me and attended.

The first meeting I attended, I came in at Week 9 of 13.

During a 2-month break when the session ended, I used GriefShare.org/my to access the weeks I'd missed so I'd continue to have a lifeline during that 2-month break, which I badly needed considering my grief was fresh (just a month old).

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F - Facebook Posts

 

Theme: Grief Work and Healing Journey

Sharing my grief and my grief journey on Facebook helped me a lot, especially in the beginning. I didn't think I'd want to share something so personal, but I felt called to because I was lonely and also because I knew others could relate. I'm glad that I shared these things; the responses and love I received made me feel less alone...for a moment. Having a community really matters.

TEXT READS:
I was having a hard time a moment ago. Thoughts…grief…regrets…guilt… I went into my mom’s room, laid down on her bed, and cried…hard. I spoke out loud to her all those thoughts and regrets and guilt. My cheeks are sticky from tears.
After some time passed, I looked over and saw her Bible. It was right where I knew it should’ve been, but I hadn’t seen it there before now, as if it had been hiding. I opened it and saw this poem that she’d taped onto the page where you can write whom the Bible was presented to and from whom. (She’d bought it herself when she was 19 with her confirmation money. Says so on that very page.) The old, folded up piece of paper taped to the page contains the poem “Immortality” by Clare Harner.
I love that poem. I’ve used it in an unpublished story. The instant I read that first line and recognized the poem, I started sobbing all over again. To find it in that moment, after I’d been struggling with grief and talking to her, it felt like a message from her telling me not to cry, it’s okay, and that she’s everywhere.Read more »