Tyler Yoder's Blog, page 5

Post the Fifty-Third: Songs with Queer Themes, 2015

Gentle Reader, as you’ll recall, I post a few of my favorite explicitly LGBTQIA songs each year during Pride. Sometimes they’re throwbacks to an earlier time, sometimes they’re new releases; they’re always clearly queer. You can check out previous installments here and here. Strap in, and get ready to listen to this year’s fabulous selections.

I Love My Fruit by The Sweet Violet Boys

We start with a song first performed back in 1939, by the campy incarnation of a band otherwise known as the Prairie Ramblers. While couched in thinly veiled innuendo, there is absolutely no doubt what these fellas are singing about.

Good Guys by Mika

Openly bisexual pop sensation Mika has been around for a while, but this song is new. It strongly speaks to me – with the proliferation of the phrase “no femmes” in the community, the flamboyance that was once celebrated has gone underground.

True Trans Soul Rebel by Against Me!

I was really surprised by the song. The language is a little dated, so be warned, but this song is starkly powerful and full of passion. This is from the album Transgender Dysphoria Blues, which I’ve just discovered and am thoroughly enjoying.

LGBT by Lowell

Um, the title says it all, really. I particularly dig the line “They never choose who they like, so they like me dead.”

Queen by Perfume Genius

I just really enjoy everything about this. It’s gritty, it’s glittery, it’s real. The video is amazing, and the song is sultry. Go. Listen.

And those are my top LGBTQIA songs for this year, Gentle Reader. Happy Pride!

Tagged: LGBTQIA, Pride, Pride Songs, Queer Songs, QUILTBAG, Songs with Queer Themes

Poetic Interlude CXIV

A History of Sexual Preference

By Robin Becker

We are walking our very public attraction
through eighteenth-century Philadelphia.
I am simultaneously butch girlfriend
and suburban child on a school trip,
Independence Hall, 1775, home
to the Second Continental Congress.
Although she is wearing her leather jacket,
although we have made love for the first time
in a hotel room on Rittenhouse Square,
I am preparing my teenage escape from Philadelphia,
from Elfreth’s Alley, the oldest continuously occupied
residential street in the nation,
from Carpenters’ Hall, from Congress Hall,
from Graff House where the young Thomas
Jefferson lived, summer of 1776. In my starched shirt
and waistcoat, in my leggings and buckled shoes,
in postmodern drag, as a young eighteenth-century statesman,
I am seventeen and tired of fighting for freedom
and the rights of men. I am already dreaming of Boston—
city of women, demonstrations, and revolution
on a grand and personal scale.

 

                                                       Then the maître d’
is pulling out our chairs for brunch, we have the
surprised look of people who have been kissing
and now find themselves dressed and dining
in a Locust Street townhouse turned café,
who do not know one another very well, who continue
with optimism to pursue relationship. Eternity
may simply be our mortal default mechanism
set on hope despite all evidence. In this mood,
I roll up my shirtsleeves and she touches my elbow.
I refuse the seedy view from the hotel window.
I picture instead their silver inkstands,
the hoopskirt factory on Arch Street,
the Wireworks, their eighteenth-century herb gardens,
their nineteenth-century row houses restored
with period door knockers.
Step outside.
We have been deeded the largest landscaped space
within a city anywhere in the world. In Fairmount Park,
on horseback, among the ancient ginkgoes, oaks, persimmons,
and magnolias, we are seventeen and imperishable, cutting classes
May of our senior year. And I am happy as the young
Tom Jefferson, unbuttoning my collar, imagining his power,
considering my healthy body, how I might use it in the service
of the country of my pleasure.
Tagged: Poetic Interludes, Poetry, Pride, Robin Becker

Post the Fifty-Second: LGBTQIA Community Resources

As a member of the LGBTQIA community, if you don’t live in a trendy gayborhood or have regular access to other queers, it’s very easy to feel isolated and alone. I’m here to remind you that you’re not. Gentle Reader, today’s post feels like a cop-out – there’s no saucy anecdote, or uplifting homily – just a list of resources for those members of the community who might need them.

This project was ambitious, to say the least. While I was hoping to provide nationwide resources for Gentle Readers across America, there are few that serve the entire nation. I’ve scrounged up a few, which are mostly lists or links to lists, unfortunately. However, because I love you, I have done what I can. These links aren’t categorized, but each has a brief description of the services they offer. Good luck out there, Gentle Reader.

I can’t say enough good things about PFLAG. PFLAG helped my folks come around when I was outed, and they basically coach one’s support network through a transformative time in a queer person’s life. They are nationwide, and have branches in every state except apparently North Dakota. Get your shit together, North Dakotans.

The Center for Disease Control has some resources regarding LGBT suicide prevention, STDS, and domestic violence, as well as a list of LGBT medical clinics across the country.  Besides being an official arm of the government, the CDC is staffed by doctors and scientists and generally know what they’re talking about.

GLMA, which stands for “Health Professionals Advancing LGBT Equality”* somehow, is really a stunning organization. No matter where you live (well, as long as you live in the U.S.) they can help you find a LGBT friendly health care provider. They also have a number of queer-specific pages, like the “Lesbian Health Fund” and “10 Things Bisexuals Should Discuss With Their Healthcare Providers.”

Centerlink is a sort of online hub of LGBTQIA community centers. North Dakota, again, is starkly lacking in support.

I was going to chastise Oregon, too, but they have one – ONE – that’s practically in Washington. Come on, Oregon – have you even seen Portland?

The Trevor Project is a crisis/suicide prevention line for queer young people from ages 13-24. If you need to talk to someone, they can be reached at 866-488-7386, twenty-four hours a day.

There is also the Trans Lifeline, which is specifically for trans folk, obviously, is not available 24 hours a day because it’s staffed by volunteers. However, they do their best. In the U.S., the number is (877) 565-8860. In Canada, they can be reached at (877) 330- 6366.

GLAD and GLAAD  are both useful places to look for resources, although one-a GLAD is mostly limited to New England. Both organizations do a number of things for the community, and are a good jumping-off point if you’re looking for a specific type of aid.

GLSEN works hard to make all educational environments safe and accessable to all. 

It was named before bisexuals, transgender people, and other members of the community had been invented.

The ACLU has a decent record of representing LGBTQIA individuals who have been attacked or whose rights have been violated if the matter winds up in a court of law. They’ve also been known to force the issue into a court of law. While they tend to stick to bigger, headline-making cases, if you find yourself in such a situation, they may be worth turning to.

Lamda Legal similarly will take cases of LGBTQIA folks – if they’re pertinent to achieving social and legal equality. They do a lot of good work, and will represent their clients for free – if your case qualifies. Don’t get me wrong! They’re a great organization, and will probably be able to point you somewhere if you need legal help and they, um, can’t help you.

Though located in California, GenderSpectrum.org has a lot of information about gender identity, and offers a call-in- based support group monthly.

And that’s what I was able to dig up, Gentle Reader. Many of these organizations are probably familiar to you, but please – if you find yourself in need of their services, avail yourself of them. Find a Pflag. Find a community center. Call the suicide lines and get some help. Do what you need to do to survive, and use the resources at your fingertips. I love you, Gentle Reader.

*********

*Again, GLMA was named before bisexual and trans people existed (in the eyes of the community). It was originally the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association – but these days, moving with the times and welcoming all in the community, it’s strictly an acronym, and they use the more inclusive tagline.

Tagged: LGBT, LGBTQIA, PFLAG, Pride, QUILTBAG, Resources, Suicide Hotlines, The Trevor Project

Post the Fifty-First: On Coming Out

I’ve written before about my own coming out story, Gentle Reader, and I thank the stars that I was lucky enough to have such a supportive family. Coming out, though, is a never-ending process; Applying for a job? Housing? Have you recently moved? Congratulations! You get to live through an – admittedly smaller – version of the process all over again! But what of those still in the closet, at school, at home, at work? I’m here to help, Gentle Reader, with some of the drawbacks to coming out, as well as the positive aspects.

If you’re not sure whether you’re ready to come out, trust no one. As harsh as it sounds, if you’re not yet ready to be completely out, or if you’re in a position where your well-being, safety, or living situation might be compromised, you’re better off waiting. People gossip, and are fascinated by sexuality and gender; word will spread like wildfire through unsuspected channels. Is this to say that you should bottle everything up and not tell a soul about your burden? No, but be very careful about it. Once the process has begun, it can’t be stopped and is never over. The world is becoming more accepting, on the whole, but homelessness amongst LGBTQIA youth remains disproportionately high, and can be directly attributed to coming out/being outed in unsupportive homes. Further, employment discrimination protections are tacit at best, particularly for trans folk, and people are fired for who they are everyday. This isn’t to say you shouldn’t come out, darlings – just be careful about it until you’re ready  and feel safe.

I should also note that it’s okay not to have your identity nailed down solidly when you come out. Gender and sexuality are both fairly fluid things, and can shift and change over time. You might come out as gay now and later discover that you’re actually pan, for example. You might not have the vocabulary yet to identify exactly who or how you are, or you might still be unsure where on the various spectra you fall. That’s okay. You can still come out, or not, as you like. It’s important that you feel safe and ready to make a declaration, and less important what you’re declaring yourself to be.

All warnings aside, living life openly as one’s true self – or exploring who that true self is – feels so much better than constantly having to police oneself. You’re going to be policed no matter what, mind you, but it’s so freeing to stop doing it to yourself. There will always be bigots and dangerous situations, but confidence and authenticity lend us strength. They aren’t super powers, mind you, and won’t protect you from slurs or violence – but there’s something about being comfortable in one’s own skin that helps. Of course, as Harvey Milk taught us, coming out isn’t just good for ourselves, it’s good for the community – being visible is still a revolutionary act. Merely by existing in the open, by transgressing artificial boundaries of gender and sexuality, we pry open the minds and eyes of Mom and Pop Middle-America bit by bit. We’re here, we’re queer, and they’re still not used to it – but as they see us more and more living our lives, buying our groceries, marrying and marching and making their sandwiches – they will.

I hope this helps, Gentle Reader. On Thursday, I’ll have a list of resources for all sorts of community-related things, including links to pages about coming out, and counselors to confide in. Happy Pride, y’all.

Tagged: Benefits and Drawbacks of Coming Out, Coming Out, Coming out of the closet, Harvey Milk, LGBT, LGBTQIA, Pride Month, QUILTBAG

Poetic Interlude CXIII

Transcendence

By Tyler J. Yoder

Miss DuBarry sighed, for though

She knew that she could never know

The shifting gender of her beau –

She only knew she loved them so.

Tagged: Genderfluid, Genderqueer, LGBT, LGBTQIA, Poetic Interludes, Poetry, Pride, Queer Poetry, QUILTBAG, Tyler J. Yoder

Post the Fiftieth: Pride Etiquette

Gentle Reader, Pride is a celebration of the LGBTQIA community, as well as a remembrance of our struggle for acceptance and equality. Rooted as it is in our culture, and given that our culture is made up of victories like Stonewall and shared tragedies like the AIDS crisis and the continuing slaughter of our people – given that our culture is built from our shared manners and mores, Pride is certainly a cultural affair. Every in-group has its own specific etiquette; how, then, are we to behave at Pride?

Rule 1: Greet People You Run Across

Of course you’re going to be greeting friends, relatives, and ex-lovers all over the place during Pride, but you should also greet anyone who seems congenial. It’s easy; “Happy Pride!” – if said with genuine enthusiasm – is a universal greeting during Pride season. If you’re in the right neighborhoods. If you run into acquaintances or exes – and you will; the community is small and has gathered together for the occasion – once you’ve wished one another a Happy Pride, inquire about their plans for the rest of the day/night/weekend – this is friendly of you, and allows you to plan accordingly for good or ill. At this point, you may slip off into the day/night/weekend; Pride is so big and so frantic that you are under no obligation to catch up with anyone if you don’t wish to.

Rule 2: Watch Your Language

This is huge, kittens. First of all, be careful applying any blanket term towards the entire community. I know, I know – I use “queer” all the damned time; try typing LGBTQIA three times a paragraph and see if you don’t try to spice it up a little. A lot of people – particularly younger folks – are appalled by the word. I feel the same way about the casual usage of the word fag.  A good baseline is to use whatever terms you identify with towards yourself, and use whatever words an individual identifies with to refer to them. Simple, right?

Not so fast, though, buckaroos; watch your pronouns. It’s important for those of us in the community to show respect to trans folks and people who fall outside the binary. If you haven’t already, educate yourselves on the issues and make sure you’ve got your terminology correct. It wouldn’t do to ruin somebody’s Pride because you were too lazy to google, would it?

Speaking of pronouns, I’m a huge advocate of asking upon first being introduced to a new acquaintance. You know what they say about assumptions? Yeah. Personally, I feel that we should all do this always, but I can understand that there are some situations where that might not be appropriate just yet. For those who can’t figure out how to work it into conversation, an example:

“How do you do? It’s a pleasure to meet you; you may call me Madame DeLyte.” 

“Nice to meet you! I’m Tia Bottum.”

“How charming, Tia! What are your pronouns?”

“She and hers.”

“Wonderful. Mine are he or they.”

Regardless of presentation, if you ask, you’ll be far less likely to misgender someone, which is terribly rude.

What social cues can you even use to arbitrarily gender ghosts, anyway?

Rule 3: Watch Your Assumptions

I’ve been guilty of something for quite some time, and have only recently been called on it – to wit, at Pride you will sometimes see a male/female couple, and I used to be really upset about that.  Let us have one weekend;  you’ve got the whole rest of the year, you know? But you know something, Gentle Reader? Bisexual people exist. Pansexuals exist. Heteroromantic Asexuals exist. And so on – the point is that you don’t know a couple’s story, and it’s none of your business. Another thing – a same-sex couple can also contain a bisexual partner. Etc. Unless they’re picketing or harassing you, turn a blind eye, yeah?

Also, some people are also werewolves, and you shouldn’t make assumptions about that either.

Rule 4:  Don’t Disappear on Your Friends

If you’re celebrating Pride with friends and are leaving to go hook up with someone, let them know you’re leaving before you go. You don’t want them to hang around looking for you, and since basically everyone has a phone, there’s no excuse. Even if you don’t have a phone, you arrived with your friends or met your friends there? So find them and say good night. This is a good point at which to cement brunch plans, by the way. That’s the entirety of what I’m recommending here, but if you’re like me, you’ll take an additional step – you’ll introduce the individual to your friends and have one of them get a photo of them in case something goes horribly awry. That’s not etiquette, though –  just safety.

A sensible precaution in many cases.

More etiquette tips for Pride will be forthcoming in a slim work I’ve been calling #NoHetero, which should be available in time for Tacoma Pride. Be safe out there, darlings, and above all – remember that the point of politeness isn’t nonsense about forks – it’s to be kind to one another.

Tagged: #bisexuwolf, Dating, don't be a dick, educate yourself, Etiquette, not policing other people's identities, Pride Tips, Tips and Etiquette, watch your pronouns

Post the Forty-Ninth: Madame DeLyte’s Guide to Pride

It’s that time of year, Gentle Reader,, when we in the LGBTQIA community convene for our annual bacchanal. These days, it’s mostly a giant party, concerned less with activism and more with jello shots – but there’s a spirit of camaraderie, of community, that’s hard to find outside the pocket gayborhoods and dim-lit bars. Is the community perfect? Dear lord, no! Is it still important in this day and age? It’s vital. In that spirit, and with an eye turned towards the reason for the season, welcome to Pride Month, Gentle Reader!

This month, as ever, every post will be directly related to the Queer community, to Pride, and to our history. If I can talk them into it, there will be guest bloggers writing about perspectives lived that are not my own. We’ll address some of the problems we face within queer spaces, issues we have in the world at large, and provide some useful information to take away. I’m also joining Grindr and behaving overwhelmingly like myself, which should provoke a few laughs.

Announcements out of the way, I just want to take a moment to bring up a few points about your local Pride celebrations. Obviously, the big city Pride is going to be the wildest one around. People from all over the region will flock to town for the occasion. Celebrities or other notable figures serve as grand marshals; corporations pour money into the event in an attempt to secure the Pink Dollar. These are a hell of a lot of fun, as we all know, especially after the official event’s over and the block parties begin. Be careful, be safe, have fun; make sure you have a place to stay or a designated driver, and be sure to use protection. You wouldn’t want to upset grandmaman, now, would you?

As great as those big celebrations are, though, it’s important to attend smaller events in satellite cities – particularly if they’re just starting out. It may look very sad and small – and frequently they are – and that’s exactly why you need to be there. Especially in rural areas, we need to stand together and be seen, so that those poor children growing up in close-minded homes know that we’re everywhere.

For the sake of those poor isolated souls, make yourself a living symbol; just go there, and stand under the single awning being yourself just as loudly as you can. It’s important.

So you’re going to Pride – of course you’re going to Pride – but how should you behave? Don’t worry, child – Thursday’s post is a primer on Pride etiquette. Stay tuned – and happy pride, honey.

Tagged: big city pride, blog announcements, happy pride y'all, local pride, pride 2015, stuff and nonsense

Poetic Interlude CXII

Animals

By Frank O’Hara

Have you forgotten what we were like then

when we were still first rate

and the day came fat with an apple in its mouth

it’s no use worrying about Time

but we did have a few tricks up our sleeves

and turned some sharp corners

the whole pasture looked like our meal

we didn’t need speedometers

we could manage cocktails out of ice and water

I wouldn’t want to be faster

or greener than now if you were with me O you

were the best of all my days

Tagged: Animals, Frank O'Hara, Poetic Interludes, Poetry

Post the Forty-Eighth: Madame DeLyte’s Guide to Style

Gentle Reader, it’s no secret that I’m a little in love with clothes. Dressing oneself should be a pleasure; it should be a reflection of who you are – it should be High Art. With my instinct for trends and my timeless sense of fashion, I’m here to help, honey. Here are some of my best tips for creating a Look.

Tip 1: The Concept

Before you dress for the evening, for the day, for the event – whatever: stop and consider what you’re going to wear. You’ll want to select your show-stopping signature piece before you plan the rest. In some cases, it’ll be a dramatic hat – in others, a blazer with a fantastic plaid, or an enormous brooch that looks like a beetle. Pick the piece that you’re just dying to wear that night, and everything else should follow.

Tip 2: The Canvas

Before you get any further, you should don your base layer. Unless your accent piece is part of your base layer, you should stick to neutrals. I prefer black, myself, but a daytime look could use white, navy, khaki – you get the idea. You want an elegant but unremarkable background on which your accent piece will shine.

Tip 3: The Contours

While you’re dressing yourself, keep in mind the shape of the outfit you’re building. If you have large hips and are wearing a dress that hugs them and stops at the knee, be aware of that. Do you want to mirror the shape up top? How do you want to present your curves? When it comes time to accessorize, you’re going to need to know what silhouette you’re displaying – it’s all part of the finished outfit. You can direct attention away from problem areas by being conscious of shape; big shoulders, for example, give the illusion of a narrower waist.

Tip 4: The Conflict

It’s time now to begin to dress properly. Fetch your show-stopper, but don’t add it yet; you’ll want an additional layer between your base and it. The show-piece should be the last element added that draws everything together. For the moment, just have it handy so that you can refer to it while accessorizing. So: add a scarf, then take it away. What about the necklace over there? Not a chance. Or that bow-tie? Maybe. Play around, and see what works. Be mindful that the lines you’re creating with accessories and the cut of your clothes will direct the eye hither and yon. You want to direct attention to your best features, as well as to your accent piece.

Tip 5: The Crowning

Add that beautiful piece that’s been your real goal all along. Allow yourself a quick smile, and one last glance in the mirror. Does the whole outfit work? Do you feel confident as hell? Did your inspiration piece pull everything together? Good. Congratulations, honey; you know how to dress yourself.

 

Tagged: Accessories, Clothes, Fashion, Madame DeLyte's Guide, Style Guides

Post the Forty-Seventh: A Day at the Museum

Gentle Reader, when I read that one of my professors required us to visit a gallery or museum, I could hardly conceal my glee. Go on, Professor – forcibly expose me to Art and Culture – whatever shall I do?

Whatever shall I do? Complete an item on our ever-present List, that’s what.

The Task: Make time to visit museums.

The Execution: Well, it happens that I’ve been making an effort to dress more authentically as myself during my day-to-day life, and not let fear of the masses get me down. Since I’d be going downtown in broad daylight on my day off from both work and school, I put together a look –

and then put together an agenda.

 Parasol and ukulele in hand, I boarded the trolley.

Gentle Reader, it turns out that Tacoma Art Museum grants free admission to poor broke college students basically always. I was very excited to see their highly advertised current exhibition; it focused primarily on Georgia O’Keeffe. As I strode purposefully through the tiled halls of the museum towards the gallery where it was hung, I marveled at the various permanent collections and installations. As a matter of fact, there’s an enormous cabinet of unique jewelry-as-art that I found particularly inspiring.

This is happening in a future look.

When you get to the gallery, the first thing that you see is O’Keeffe’s Yellow Cactus, which is probably the most dramatic piece in the show.

It’s a classic O’Keeffe, full of very suggestive blossoms. Nearby, an entire wall is dominated by the enormous Jimson Weed, which is probably the largest piece on display, at around five by five feet square.

O’Keeffe’s work is interspersed with various other artists of the American Southwest in the early twentieth century, a time and a place that the curators wanted to shed light on for some reason. The show itself is stunning, and I highly recommend a visit while it’s still up.

I declined to go into the other curated display on my first visit – oh, yes, I’ve gone back since because Art is Life and Life is Art – but that first time, I was carrying too large a bag to go into that wing, and I anyway I had a date with Chordelia. As for the rest of the agenda? I’m still looking for a floral blazer in summerweight fabrics, I found a Fabulous Peacock Chair for around thirty dollars (they’re going for around two hundred now even in terrible condition because they’re trendy again), the Friday farmer’s market in Tacoma is located in a garden at Tacoma General and is smaller than I would have hoped, and I lazed in the sun playing my ukulele and drinking wine for nearly two hours.

The Verdict: Duh. I have always loved museums, but I’ve never made space in my schedule for them. I obviously need to. Did I mention that several staff members were exceedingly complimentary of myself and my outfit? Or that several patrons were as well? Because obviously I’m a living artwork. Ahem. And the art itself? Exquisite, actually. It’s a pretty great space. Thank you for forcing my hand, Professor.

Tagged: Art, Georgia O'Keeffe, HA secretly it was already on The List, Homework, Living Life Authentically, Museums, Professors Being Amazing, The List