S.R. Karfelt's Blog, page 23

All Night Write - Calling All Night Owls - Birds of a Feather and All...

S. R. Karfelt/The Glitter Globe



Sometime around midnight I come to life. It’s not that I’m not lively during the day; it’s simply that my creativity can lie dormant during daylight hours. As the night grows late, fully-formed scenes start flitting through my head and I just know the perfect dialogue for the characters in my story.

So for the first few hours it’s like my muse and I are hosting a rave. 





And it all just works. Words are flowing effortlessly. When I write I need absolute quiet and it’s only in the middle of the night that all interruptions stop. Even distractions like social media tend to slow and fade come 2:00 a.m., so I’m sharp, game-on, dancing with my muse. The muse is a thing. Mostly I think it’s just a link between our subconscious and our conscious, and apparently mine runs on lunar power.


If you’re not a writer you might be thinking something along the lines of, “Puh-leeze, girlfriend! Writing’s not a real job! You make stuff up and drink coffee all day! How hard can it be?”






It’s like the perfect double axle salchow in ice-skating. It looks effortless when performed correctly, but getting there is a whole different ball of wax.






Since I live in the real world, most of the time, my all night writes aren’t a perfect solution to getting all my words onto the page. Sometimes sleep deprivation can make some ideas seem really brilliant and they’re not brilliant at all. Not even a little bit. 






When I get tired I have tendency to keep right on writing and getting absolutely nowhere. Sometimes I’ll just bang out a random scene that serves absolutely no purpose in the story. It’s just spinning my wheels. I can spin my wheels for hours and hours, if not the entire night. It’s a gift. Let's pretend.






When that happens,  I slip into writing drivel and start writing words that I’ll need to cut out and eliminate the next day. It’s always something of a shock to reread bad story. It’s taken me years to get to the point where I can admit to myself when something just doesn’t work and needs to go. It’s a painful lesson.





The thing is, no matter how painful rewrites or scene deletion might be, nothing can beat the thrill of being a night owl writer. Does it look like as much fun as it is? Because it’s a real hoot! Are any of you night owls? I don’t only do the night owl thing for writing, I’ve been known to run the vacuum or start laundry about then too, and I love when I can call other night owl friends up and have a chat in the middle of the night! Anyone? 

WINNER WINNER WINNER WINNER

S. R. Karfelt/The Glitter Globe WINNERS

The KAHTAR Warrior of the Ages Rafflecopter Giveaway ended last night, and I stayed up late (again) just to make sure that the winners would be announced immediately. Keep in mind that you’re all winners to me, but Rafflecopter has announced the following to be legitimate PRIZE winners and verified that their entries met the mandatory requirements.



The $50 Amazon Gift Card goes to Kelsey R.



The Godiva Chocolate Covered Strawberries goes to Emily S.(And she gets to pick milk/dark/or a mixture!)



The two BICO Australia Katar Dagger Necklaces (GRAND PRIZE) go to J. G. and Charlene D. You’re going to love these, they’re gorgeous!

YAY! Are you jazzed or what? If you didn’t win, don’t get bummed because there are more giveaways coming on the heels of this one and I think you’ll like it every bit as much! I’ve been doing some traveling in sunny climes and gathering prizes and ideas for the next giveaway, and I don’t like to brag but I’m rather good at loot bags. So when I host a book release party you want to be there.

Winners should have received an email from me and they have 72 hours to respond. If you didn’t win there is a consolation prize because that’s how I roll. You’re all eligible for a KAHTAR Screensaver for your computer! Follow this link to my website and sign up for the newsletter and I’ll email it to you ASAP. You can commiserate with Kahtar about your lack of chocolate covered strawberries like I am, because I didn’t get any either. He doesn’t look very sympathetic about it, but I feel better just having him around.

KAHTAR Warrior of the Ages Screensaver giveaway


Is it just me or does that just make you feel better about pretty much everything? Now how about telling me if you’ve ever won anything and what it was? I won a live rabbit in an Easter Egg Hunt once when I was a kid. My joy knew no bounds, but it was not matched by the rest of the family for some reason. And if you’ve never won anything, tell me about that too and I’ll commiserate with you.

Valentine’s Day All By My Onesie – Again

The Glitter Globe/S. R. Karfelt

Doesn’t that just sound pathetic?
It isn't. 
But once again I’m spending Valentine’s Day by myself. Like my single friends I’ll spend the day sans chocolate and flowers. There’s one difference between my single friends and me though, I’m not single.
For the past 800,000,000 years I’ve been married to a terrific guy. Dear Hubby spoils me, but he does not do romance. In fact, if there is such a thing as Romantic Blindness (I picture it as being similar to color blindness) he has it.
This conversation has been going on between us since the Jurassic Period.Me, “Valentine’s Day is the 14th!”Dear Hubby, *Radio Silence*Me, “Did you hear me?”DH, “Yes. Get yourself something if you want something.”
Sigh.
For years I thought he just didn’t get it. It only counted if he presented me with a gift. I gave Valentine gifts to my kids and friends, and I’d show him what I got them hoping he’d become inspired. Hint hint.
Did it work? Nope.
There were even times I tried the passive aggressive approach. You know, I’d go buy myself something lovely or something extra special and a bit out of budget. I’ll even admit that I sent myself a gigantic centerpiece for the dining room table at least once. Know what Dear Hubby said? “That’s nice, but flowers are just going to die.”
Sigh. So are you, my look would say. He just didn't even try to get it!
Believe me there were times I told him straight up. I really tried to speak his language.
Me, “I want you to buy me something for Valentine’s Day.”Dear Hubby, *Radio Silence*Me, “Did you hear me?”Dear Hubby, “Yes. What do you want?”Me, “I don’t care. A Valentine gift.”Dear Hubby, “But you don’t even need anything. Why do I have to go to the store to buy a thing just because a card company made up a holiday?”Me, “Because it’s a tradition and I’d know that you love me if you did it.”Dear Hubby, *Radio Silence while he digests this* “You don’t know I love you?”Me, *Radio Silence* “Yes, but I’d like a Valentine gift too.”Dear Hubby, “If you want something just go get what you want.”
Sigh. He just did not get it.  
Let me interject right here that this is a man who I can wake up at 2:00 a.m. to fix a computer problem when I’m writing all night. He’ll get right up and magic a fix without complaining. He’s always there when I need him. He almost never steals the Ben & Jerry’s Karamel Sutra I hide behind the frozen veggies, and he never tries to rewire my quirks the way I try to correct his.
Sigh. It took me a few millennia to realize that I was the one who didn’t get it.
If Valentine’s Day is about love, I’m one of the lucky ones. I have that. Love just doesn’t always look like a commercial or a Hallmark movie. It’s not always neat and polished, in fact it rarely is. It’s messy and it’s loud and it’s real, and sometimes it puts live bait in the refrigerator during fishing season. Sometimes it goes to the Outdoor Sportsman show to buy fishing poles on Valentine’s weekend while I write all night in a writer cave far far away.
Is your love, or even your idea of love Happily Ever After textbook? Is it all wine and roses? Or better yet chocolate? Does it ever look like what the marketers are selling? I want to know. Because I think the illusion sets us up for frustration! Tell me how you feel about Valentine’s Day? And whether you’re single or in a relationship be sure to enter my Rafflecopter giveaway for a chance to win some Godiva chocolate covered strawberries, an Amazon gift card, or a katar dagger necklace—because I’ll play traditional Valentine with you even if no one else will. 

In Stitches. How To Complain To Customer Service.

S. R. Karfelt/The Glitter Globe




What do you want?
That’s the question you need to ask yourself before you contact customer service for anything.
Heads up, you’re not going to get what you want. If you got what you wanted, you wouldn’t have to contact customer service in the first place.
Now that your expectations have been lowered we can proceed.
Think of the best that you can hope for now that someone has your money and you didn’t get what was promised. That is your new want, wrap your mind around it and let's see what we can do, because you're important to us.

The Rules
You are contacting a large impersonal corporation. They don’t know who you are or what you want. Provide all data.You will be speaking to the minions of a large impersonal corporation. They don’t know who you are or what you want either. Again, provide all data.Minions work in customer service. They know you’re not happy. Neither are they. Be polite.That doesn’t mean you can’t play with the minions. This is sucking up your time, so you might as well have some fun with it. Just remember you’re a minion too, so play nice.Now, what exactly is this All Data you need to provide?




·        If you’re emailing, provide your email within the body of the email. I know, right? Just do it.   ·        This goes for your phone number, address, order number, everything. If it seems redundant lighten the mood by providing your cat’s name and blood type for fun. It’s okay to lie about those; you don’t want all your personal data floating around the metaverse, do you?


About every four weeks I get a box of clothes from a company that offers personal shopper assistance to the masses. They’re called Stitch Fix. They know what I like, what size I wear, and they try to make me happy with five new articles of clothing that I can either keep or send back in the enclosed envelope. Easy breezy, super fun, highly recommend, especially if you detest shopping like I do.

After accepting all five articles of clothing last month, I realized the seam in the arm of my favorite new sweater was defective. It unraveled to the elbow within the first hour of wear. So I contacted Customer Service.

My holey sweater

Right off I knew that what I wanted was a new, unholy sweater, as in for the defective merchandise to be replaced. A sweater for a sweater, capisce? I didn’t get that, because when I said to lower your expectations I was just being positive. You’re not going to get that either. But I did get to know first Rachael and then Megan via email. So there’s that. My favorite exchange was this one:
Megan (Stitch Fix) Jan 11 11:30 AM
Hi S. R.,
Thanks so much for getting back in touch. My teammate Rachael has the day off today so I will be helping you instead. I am so sorry to hear about the damaged sweater and I definitely understand your frustrations surrounding it! I took a look into our inventory and unfortunately, we still do not have an exchange available in any color. Again, I apologize for this!
Going forward, there are still a few options. I know you mentioned not wanting to return the sweater but being unsure if it could be repaired. If you would like to take it to a tailor and see if they would be able to fix it for you, we can definitely wait to make a decision until then. Or, as always, we can have you send the sweater back to us for a full refund.
Please let me know how you would like to proceed!
Regards,
MeganStitch Fix Client Support
Your Partner in Personal StyleFor more information about Stitch Fix please check out our FAQ https://stitchfix.com/faq

Not being a very mathy person myself it took me awhile to realize that a few options meant I had one. I could return the sweater, but it wouldn’t be replaced. And a tailor? Really? Really! Doesn’t the fact that I have my clothes mailed to me in a box every month tell them how much effort I put into what I wear?

So I wrote this:


S. R. Karfelt Jan 11 12:04 PM
Well, Megan, I’m a writer with a novel deadline and unless a tailor comes to my door in a box, that isn’t going to happen. I’ll send it back since you can offer me no satisfactory option. How do I proceed?
S. R. Karfelt A Ragged Edge Writer Action Adventure with a Twist www.SRKarfelt.com www.TheGlitterGlobe.com

Notice how I included links to my website and blog? The website was so that she could purchase my books in atonement for the sweater (it could happen) and the blog was so that she could read the blog about this later, because all is fair in love and war and all is game for writing fodder.

My method of communication was email with all the tails attached, so it wasn’t necessary to put my personal info in repeatedly, except for my writing links because, you know, they're my writing links!

And of course my holy sweater made a brief but mandatory Twitter appearance. My favorite thing about Twitter is most companies seem to pay better attention to your Tweets than they do your one-on-one contact. I wonder why that is?

Being polite doesn't mean you can't be honest.



My name is S. R. Karfelt, my cat’s name is Normal Bates and my blood type is Norman Bates/The Glitter GlobeGlitter+. I’d give you my phone number too but we both know phones are for outgoing calls only. You can email me at Author@SRKarfelt.com or peek at my website at www.SRKarfelt.com or you could just leave a comment below and tell me how you cope with the frustrations of dealing with Customer Service. Maybe we could commiserate together. 

Bits and Pieces I Stole. Movie and Book Scenes You Keep.

The Glitter Globe/S. R. Karfelt


In some ways it’s like that Darmok episode of Star Trek the Next Generation. That’s the one where the Enterprise’s Universal Translator can’t figure out the Tamarian Language. They speak in metaphors. Shaka, when the walls fell.


QuickMeMe


We all collect bits and pieces of books and movies and they become part of how we see the world and those parts become ours. This is one of my favorite lines when my guys are heading off into the wilderness.





Tell me you don’t use that one? Sometimes movie and book references can be cryptic. We don’t all read or watch the same things, right? Remember that line in The Princess Bride where Vizzini goes, “Never get involved in a land war in Asia” and laughs cryptically in his hyena laugh before he falls down dead?




And we’re all like, what about Asia? What’s that obscure reference? Does it refer to Sun Tzu’s The Art of War? (not to be confused with Stephen Pressfield’s the War of Art). So although I find it funny each and every time I watch that movie, I don’t use it. I like to have a firm grasp on my analogies and metaphors. Although they’re somewhat subjective, aren’t they? For instance in Jane Austen’s novels, dance is considered a metaphor for marriage. What?




Well, okay. And I think I might have my own thoughts on what marriage is an analogy for. 



  But my point is that we take all these bits and pieces of other people’s words, imaginations, and talents and internalize them into our own thoughts, words, and ideas. We, as Austen Kleon puts it so eloquently, Steal Like An Artist. For instance Outlander by Diana Gabaldon…



Was inspired in some part by an episode of Doctor Who…



And there has been speculation that Sinclair Lewis’s Babbit inspired J. R. Tolkien to come up with the name Hobbit.




Bit of a stretch if you’ve read it, but the subconscious is a freaky machine. It does rhyme. We all know that The Hobbit inspired The Lord of the Rings. I mean at some point the writer thought or was asked, and then what happened? Dangerous words, those.



But, oh, so very inspiring. Finding the well of creativity takes reverse engineering, and I’m more into the reconstruction part myself. It’s like the lyrics to that song. Is it Sting or The Police? “Every breath you take, Every move you make, Every bond you break, Every step you take, I'll be watching you,” and turning it into something glittery.


Do you have a favorite story about something that was inspired by something else? It’s not always movies and books, weren’t helicopters partially engineered by the way hummingbirds fly? And what’s your favorite movie or book quote? Which ones have stuck in your head the most?

You Can Be Whatever You Want, As Long as You Look Good Doing It.

Fact is Dolly Parton had it right in Steel Magnolias.



With the help of a lot of four and six letter words Jenna Marbles offers us a tutorial to help out. I don't know about you, but after all that effort I wanna cuss too. Guy Tip: This is why acknowledgement of our effort is kinda mandatory. If I've tricked you into thinking I'm good-looking, I expect at least a high-five.



Of course we’re not allowed to put too much effort into looking good either. Effortless beauty is the goal. But who appreciates an effortless beauty?
Case in point, and does anything underscore the importance of how you look better than the obituary of The Thorn Bird’s Author Colleen McCullough?

The Australian's Colleen McCullough Obituary

Please keep in mind that being a novelist, a neurophysiologist, a best-selling author whose books were made into a wildly successful television series, AND being 77 does not exempt you from the societal expectation to look good while you do all that other stuff. 
The obituary sparked an outcry on Twitter, resulting in some amusing tweets under #MyOzObituary. Of course I had to play too.




Possibly it’s hardwired into us all to appreciate beauty and surely that’s not a bad thing. It just comes in many forms, and if you can only see one kind you miss out on so much. Once I read that a person of average intelligence was capable of any career if they had enough tenacity and drive. I would like to submit that a woman, plain of feature, and certainly overweight can also have a wonderful life. What they write in her obituary after that wouldn’t matter a diddly damn, don’t you think? S. R. Karfelt
What’d you think of that obituary? I’d haunt that writer. Like follow him around singing Sesame Street songs or something. How do you feel about the pressure to look good? Think you’ll be able to maintain it for the obituary photos? 

Seven Life Skills Every Adult Should Have By Now, But Do You?

The Glitter Globe/S. R. Karfelt


The ability to brush your teeth neatly. This means you never need to wipe a bit of toothpaste off your tie or blouse. This feat rises to an entirely new level of near impossibility when you acquire one of the popular new sonic toothbrushes. If you can manage one of those without ending up with foam dripping off your elbows or a bathroom mirror splattered like a Pollock reject, you get a double recess today. Driving a manual transmission. Before children I had a car with a manual transmission, and well after children I hopped into one and drove down the street. My passenger said, “Wow, I’m surprised you did that so well. You haven’t driven one of these since the 90’s!” Guess who stalled and rolled the whole way back up the street? It’s like I forgot to remember that I forgot. Get it? Public Speaking. I know, good one, right? But I’m not talking about necessarily standing up in front of a massive audience and touting your weight-loss program. I’m talking about standing up in front of the school board and arguing for the soon to be cut music program, or asking questions about fracking at a Town Hall meeting. Communication is a fundamental life skill, isn’t it? Balancing Your Checkbook. And if that’s too old school, this also includes knowing how much money is in your account no matter how many times you’ve swiped that debit card this week. One thing they told you in school that is so true is that you’ve got to do the math. Dressing Yourself. This isn’t on the list to pick on anyone who relies on their partner to know their shoe or pant size. This is for those of us who stray far off the path of dressing like an adult to include camo pants, sequin Converse, and alternative hair colors (they just never get old for me). Most days I write at least eight hours in my yoga pants and pajama top, and if I were to ever make any kind of list it’d very likely be a Fashion Don’t list, but I'd sure have fun getting there. Behaving Like an Adult Since You Are One. All I can think as I write this is Epic Fail. If it's a writing day I choose my socks based on what will slide across the hardwood best. There’s a distinct possibly I’ll be expelled from Snapchat at some point. And I still take recess because sometimes I just need a break from hanging with my imaginary friends all day. I do not, however, take snow days because if I was away from them for an entire day, I'd miss them too much, so you can decide which side of the fence that falls on. Not Taking Criticism Personally. Out of the seven life skills I’ve listed here this is the only one that I think I’m actually pretty good at. Frankly I think that snide remarks, low-blows, and gossip in general says way more about the person spouting it than it can possibly say about the one it’s being directed at. Seriously. Watch the faces of those gossiping. See the expressions of mean-spirited glee. It’s cruel and it’s ugly and it’s oh-so-popular right now. There’s an entire pop-culture thriving on nit-picking other people. I say if you feel right in your own heart, let the trolls just suck it.

This blog was inspired by Carolyn, who tagged me in a post online to tell seven S. R. Karfelt/The Glitter Globerandom things about myself. I simply morphed it into six life skills I pretty much stink at. In order to appease the math I’ll add a random fact about myself. Although I don’t watch television, I do go to the movies often. But I find that long action sequences make me fall asleep. When the plot stops, and the bombs and guns start going off and the car chase drags on and on, I can fall asleep like three-two-one-zzzzz. Does anyone else have that problem?

Now how about you tell me what life skills you think every adult should have? Whether you have it or not, well, that’s up to you to share if you like. 

The Seven Year Niche

The Glitter Globe/S. R. Karfelt



Have you ever had an obsession?
Something that launches you out of bed in the morning and refuses to let you sleep at night?
I hope so, but in case you haven’t I’m going to share mine.



KAHTAR Warrior of the Ages by S. R. Karfelt



The Warrior of the Ages has been transformed...
A new look...A new brand...The same awesome hero.
​Reintroducing KAHTAR the Warrior of the Ages.

SIGH.

I mean right? On a rare day that involved crunching numbers I realized I’ve been writing The Covenant Keeper Novels for seven years. And now that you can see Kahtar there’s probably no need to explain further.
Seven years is a long while to have a story bouncing around inside your head. But it takes time to download an entire world onto the page. It takes even longer to hunker down and make that story reader worthy. And years of soldiering are required to get those books into the right hands.
As you can see it’s worth it. Right? Sigh. I’m in for another seven or as long as Kahtar wants me.
In honor of Kahtar’s reintroduction into the world, I’m celebrating. And I don’t just mean plastering his picture all over my computers, tablets, and phone. When I host a party there are always loot bags—the muse insists. So check out my Rafflecopter giveaway, and be sure to scroll through all the prizes, there are several!



a Rafflecopter giveaway


Rafflecopter is the fairest way to distribute loot on the internet. Aren’t the prizes amazing? 
S. R. KarfeltAnd you don’t have to do everything on the list to be entered! It’s easy breezy beautiful. Do I know how to throw a party or what? I mean it’s in Kahtar’s honor, it had to be big.

Over the years I've had a few obsessions, but they weren't all as big as Kahtar. How about you? This is the part where you tell me about your obsessions, especially if you've been at them beyond all reason. If you’d rather not talk about your freaky-deaky obsession publicly, you can just tell me what you think of mine. I'm more than willing to talk about Kahtar some more. Any questions about the Warrior of the Ages?

I am Writer

S. R. Karfelt/The Glitter Globe
All Rights Reserved


I am the muse.I am resistance.I embody success.I embody failure.
My writing will never be perfect.My story will be written, in fact it is, everyday. Just not today. Definitely tomorrow.I am persistence. I am impatience.
When do you want to write the best novel of your career? NOW!When do you want it published? NOW!Who’s going to read it? EVERYONE! NOW!
My writing is trite.My writing is unique.
I’ll persevere. Unless I don’t.I’ll give up. Unless I won’t.
I serve words when I cook.I vacuum them when I clean.I steal them when I look.I torture and tame them in my book.
I whisper when I shout.Laugh when I cry.Run when I sleep.Wake up to die.
Cause someone’s gonna. Die.Don’t look at me, I’m just the scribe.
It’s about the story you see.Yours. Mine. And Ours.We all have one.Or two. Or none we want to share.
It’s the sum of all parts.The bottom line.The beginning and the middle.The end of the line.
It’s what I do.And so do you.Using A through Z.It’s how we see.
I am writer. May I have this dance?
***May I?

May I have this dance with you?

This post was originally published 9-1-13, but never here on The Glitter Globe and I'm really feeling this today and needed to fling these words into the Glitterverse to see if you can feel them. 

Driving Myself to Drink

Copyright by Abbey Miklitsch and her driving hedgehog, Zebra


Aren’t you glad the holidays are over? All that pressure, all the excess, all the ribbons and wrappings are done with. Now we can face a couple months of empty days full of nothing but icy cold and blowing snow.

Not to mention the Pièce de résistance liquid penance for all sinners—the green smoothie.

Which if you’ve been a bad boy like I’ve been a bad girl you need to start consuming by the tanker truck full.

Would you believe my enthusiasm for empty days is genuine? Do you feel like that too? Nothing soothes an introvert’s heart like a completely blank January calendar. Can you give me a Mel Gibson FREEDOM roar? (Why does mine always sound like Sméagol?)

If we could just wrap the cray-zay of last year into a titanium capsule and bury it beneath Mesozoic layers of guano in the bat cave—where hopefully it won’t leak into this year—our quiet freedom might last. Pretend. Remember the power of positive thinking?

Huge amounts of creative energy can be produced from a quiet zone. That’s why I like to work in a cave. My laptop is balanced on a stalagmite. The green smoothie IV is hanging from a stalactite. My body has melded into the Stairmaster, like some sort of Wes Craven Centaur-thing. All the working out and writing I’m doing is generating a force field against interruption.

Federation Starfleet Force Field Level Ten and Holding.

(Maybe everyone is just afraid to interrupt when I’m working (and talking) like this? The cave is a metaphor (maybe). Just in case someone thinks I literally work in a cave (I do) and wonders how the WiFi works (it’s wired) or if they can visit (No. See above force field rating.) Of course if you’re a logical literalist, what are you doing in The Glitter Globe? Lost? You need to skedaddle because this cray be contagious. (Too late))


Is it just me or do you sense some cray leakage from the titanium capsule? 

Next year let’s bury it deeper than Mesozoic. Cenozoic? Anyone else on the lam? Anyone else glad to have some quiet time and hoping it lasts? And of equal importance, has anyone else been driven to drink the green smoothie based almost entirely on the crack called petit fours, pedaled by the Swiss Colony?