Stephen Kozeniewski's Blog, page 56
October 14, 2015
Branding
Let's talk about your brand. It's important to have a brand, especially as an author or a small business owner (which, as an author, you essentially are.) So here are three tips to having an effective brand:
1.) You need to be watching "The Godfather." You need to be watching "On the Waterfront." And, yes, you even need to suck it up and watch "The Island of Dr. Moreau." Brando should be an important part of your brand.
2.) Every morning (and yes, I mean every morning, god damn it) you need to wake up and pour a big bowl of cereal. You can top it with milk, sprinkle raisins on it, slice up a banana and stick it in there; I don't care. Bran needs to be a part of your brand.
3.) The third part of the trifecta may be difficult to run down, but most registered tattoo parlors and skin scarification centers will be able to point you in the right direction. You're going to need a red hot cow poker, yes, but the most important part is that you have a qualified professional to hold it. Don't just run down to the nearest farm and ask Rancher Bill to burn you, because he probably won't do it right, and there's aftercare involved. Just remember that the most important part of your brand is your actual brand.
So there you have it folks: the three keys to mastering your brand.
1.) You need to be watching "The Godfather." You need to be watching "On the Waterfront." And, yes, you even need to suck it up and watch "The Island of Dr. Moreau." Brando should be an important part of your brand.
2.) Every morning (and yes, I mean every morning, god damn it) you need to wake up and pour a big bowl of cereal. You can top it with milk, sprinkle raisins on it, slice up a banana and stick it in there; I don't care. Bran needs to be a part of your brand.
3.) The third part of the trifecta may be difficult to run down, but most registered tattoo parlors and skin scarification centers will be able to point you in the right direction. You're going to need a red hot cow poker, yes, but the most important part is that you have a qualified professional to hold it. Don't just run down to the nearest farm and ask Rancher Bill to burn you, because he probably won't do it right, and there's aftercare involved. Just remember that the most important part of your brand is your actual brand.
So there you have it folks: the three keys to mastering your brand.
October 12, 2015
Are Old School Halloween Costumes Still Cool? (Guest Post by Sam Williamson)
Howdy, loyal fans! It's nigh on Halloween. Have you gotten your costume yet?
Well, if not, I'm very excited to have a somewhat unusual guest who reached out to me this year: Sam Williamson, owner of Zombie Costumes World (which I guess makes him a haberdasher by trade?) Anyway, Sam's written a post on the difference between chic and classic costumes, which seems particularly relevant this time of year. Enjoy!
Guest Post
Halloween is coming up, and I’m a nervous wreck. I’ve been checking out my friends on Facebook (I say friends, I mean people that I met once at a party) and it seems like there’s gonna be a lot of competition this year. I’m not talking about competition to see who can get the most candy (nobody can beat me and my moped anyway) I’m talking about costume competition. One guy has already sorted out his ‘crying Mars’ outfit, to celebrate the news that NASA found water on Mars. Then there’s a girl who’s dressing up as a Donald Trump Heffalump. And then there’s me. I was gonna be a vampire. Don’t get me wrong, it was gonna be a really scary vampire. But still, it’s just a vampire. And that’s not funny, or memorable, or unique. So in the eyes of these Facebook folk, it’s essentially worthless.
But why should it be worthless? Surely the point of Halloween is to dress up as something scary that will freak people out! Apparently not. The days of werewolves and vampires seem to be a thing of the past, which might sound like great news to all of you monster hunters out there. But this extinction of these Halloween classics signals a new era for this holiday. If it ain’t worth sharing on social media, it ain’t worth jack.
Fortunately, all hope is not lost. While people collectively roll their eyes at the latest "Twilight" films, or hate on the latest series of "The Vampire Diaries," there is one Halloween classic that has remained a favorite for decades. The humble zombie. On his own, the zombie can barely be described as a threat. But coming face to face with a group of these brain-hungry creatures is a prospect that still sends shivers down the spines of the young and the old. And their popularity is cemented by the huge success of series like "The Walking Dead," which attracts an obscene amount of viewers on a weekly basis.
But don’t get me wrong, its not like every single zombie-related film, book, or comic book is absolutely top notch. In many ways, the word "zombie" has never been associated with as much garbage as it is right now. You’ll find the majority of zombie films are on that shelf at the back of the video store, right next to "Sharknado 6" and "Titanic 2 – Ice Breaker." But unfortunately, these braindead guys are our last hope at saving Halloween. We’re holding out for a hero, and they’re missing several limbs and only eat brains. Oh dear.
So are zombies still cool? Maybe. But they’re definitely not safe from extinction. Unless you’re dressing up as dead Paris Hilton, chances are your Facebook buddies won’t care about your zombie costume. But so what? Let them dress up as whatever the hell they want. Because at the end of the day, that’s not the point of Halloween. It’s the one holiday where you can freak people out to your heart’s content, and you’re gonna dress up as Paris Hilton? The only thing scary about her is that she is now a successful DJ. And people say that zombies will be the first sign of the apocalypse.
About Sam Williamson
My name is Sam Williamson, I run a website dedicated to Halloween costumes, and If I was in a zombie apocalypse, I'd probably just have a pint and wait for it all to blow over.
Well, if not, I'm very excited to have a somewhat unusual guest who reached out to me this year: Sam Williamson, owner of Zombie Costumes World (which I guess makes him a haberdasher by trade?) Anyway, Sam's written a post on the difference between chic and classic costumes, which seems particularly relevant this time of year. Enjoy!
Guest Post
Halloween is coming up, and I’m a nervous wreck. I’ve been checking out my friends on Facebook (I say friends, I mean people that I met once at a party) and it seems like there’s gonna be a lot of competition this year. I’m not talking about competition to see who can get the most candy (nobody can beat me and my moped anyway) I’m talking about costume competition. One guy has already sorted out his ‘crying Mars’ outfit, to celebrate the news that NASA found water on Mars. Then there’s a girl who’s dressing up as a Donald Trump Heffalump. And then there’s me. I was gonna be a vampire. Don’t get me wrong, it was gonna be a really scary vampire. But still, it’s just a vampire. And that’s not funny, or memorable, or unique. So in the eyes of these Facebook folk, it’s essentially worthless.
But why should it be worthless? Surely the point of Halloween is to dress up as something scary that will freak people out! Apparently not. The days of werewolves and vampires seem to be a thing of the past, which might sound like great news to all of you monster hunters out there. But this extinction of these Halloween classics signals a new era for this holiday. If it ain’t worth sharing on social media, it ain’t worth jack.
Fortunately, all hope is not lost. While people collectively roll their eyes at the latest "Twilight" films, or hate on the latest series of "The Vampire Diaries," there is one Halloween classic that has remained a favorite for decades. The humble zombie. On his own, the zombie can barely be described as a threat. But coming face to face with a group of these brain-hungry creatures is a prospect that still sends shivers down the spines of the young and the old. And their popularity is cemented by the huge success of series like "The Walking Dead," which attracts an obscene amount of viewers on a weekly basis.
But don’t get me wrong, its not like every single zombie-related film, book, or comic book is absolutely top notch. In many ways, the word "zombie" has never been associated with as much garbage as it is right now. You’ll find the majority of zombie films are on that shelf at the back of the video store, right next to "Sharknado 6" and "Titanic 2 – Ice Breaker." But unfortunately, these braindead guys are our last hope at saving Halloween. We’re holding out for a hero, and they’re missing several limbs and only eat brains. Oh dear.
So are zombies still cool? Maybe. But they’re definitely not safe from extinction. Unless you’re dressing up as dead Paris Hilton, chances are your Facebook buddies won’t care about your zombie costume. But so what? Let them dress up as whatever the hell they want. Because at the end of the day, that’s not the point of Halloween. It’s the one holiday where you can freak people out to your heart’s content, and you’re gonna dress up as Paris Hilton? The only thing scary about her is that she is now a successful DJ. And people say that zombies will be the first sign of the apocalypse.
About Sam Williamson
My name is Sam Williamson, I run a website dedicated to Halloween costumes, and If I was in a zombie apocalypse, I'd probably just have a pint and wait for it all to blow over.
October 9, 2015
Artwork Reveal: The Genius
It's another Friday in October and that means it's time to reveal the next piece of art for my planned GHOUL ARCHIPELAGO trailer! This week is the first of the three dreadful villains of the piece, the billionaire industrialist, genius, and all-around loathsome individual Rand Bergeron!
Pictured: Rand Bergeron
Pictured: Rand Bergeron
October 7, 2015
Streets Paved With Pork Roll (Interview With Chris Prynoski, Emmy-Nominated President and Owner of Titmouse, Inc.)
Children, I know you love to ignore me. It's one of your favoritest pastimes, no doubt. But when I told you earlier this year about the power of asking, you should have listened. I know I did.
And through the power of asking (patent pending) I have secured an amazing guest today. As president, founder, and owner of Titmouse, Inc., Chris Prynoski is responsible for bringing such mindblowing shows as "The Venture Bros.," "Metalocalypse," "China, IL," "Moonbeam City," [deep breath] "Megas XLR," "Motorcity," "Turbo: F.A.S.T." and countless others to your eyeholes. And before all that he worked on "Beavis and Butt-Head," "Daria," and was nominated for an Emmy for "Downtown."
"Chirp."
Just listing a few of our guest's
About Chris Prynoski
Chris Prynoski began on shows such as "Beavis and Butthead" and "Daria" for MTV in the early 90s. MTV's "Downtown" earned him an Emmy nomination. In 2004, Prynoski founded the animation studio Titmouse, Inc. where he has continued his string of hits with projects like "Metalocalypse," "China, IL," "Black Dynamite," "Superjail!," "The Venture Bros.," "Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja," and his own creation, "Motorcity" for Disney XD. He is currently executive producing a number of shows, including "Turbo: F.A.S.T." for DreamWorks, and directing a 2-D animation feature that he’ll be submitting to Sundance later this year.
Interview
SK: Thanks so much for being with us today, Chris! I’m absolutely spoiled with things to talk about with you, but I don’t want to impose too much on your time so I’ll just try to stick to my usual format of five topics and then give you the last word.
That being said, we absolutely have to talk about “Moonbeam City” first. This show looks like nothing else on television and like nothing I’ve seen since the ‘80s, when, presumably, artists weren’t trying to achieve this effect ironically. How do your animators create that Reagan-era feel?
CP: Well, we totally owe a lot to Patrick Nagel on this one. He was clearly the inspiration for the character designs. If only he was still with us, we would have reached out to him. As a young teen I enjoyed many a Playboy spot illustration drawn by his hand. Jo Jo Park did a great job channeling him. She is an incredible draftsman with an eye for fashion! And Antonio Canobbio (the art director) and Brandon Cuellar (the background supervisor) also killed it like Sonny Crocket's gator attacking a sockless maritime intruder.
"Ah, a bowling metaphor. Now I'm interested."
SK: Let’s take a step back and take kind of a bird’s eye view of your career. My dad used to work at the Ocean Spray plant in Bordentown, NJ, so I actually know that area a little bit. What was the road like for you from the mean streets of Bordentown to the gold-paved (I assume) Titmouse headquarters in LA?
CP: The Ocean Spray factory! It smelled so good! That factory was the holy grail of jobs when I worked at Hilltop Exxon. Everyone wanted a gig there. It had great wages and benefits! I, unfortunately, never got to step inside - although I did eat some ice cream from the Häagen-Dazs factory store next door. I left B-Town for New York City in the early nineties to attend the School of Visual Arts. From there I moved on to MTV to storyboard and direct on such projects as "Beavis and Butt-Head" and "Daria." Then I moved to LA when my show "Downtown" was cancelled. After working for the major studios, I started Titmouse with my wife Shannon. Our streets are not paved with gold, but imported New Jersey pork roll.
The Titmouse Studios (artist's conception)
SK: Just looking at your
CP: Unfortunately I can't share any "Metalocalypse" scoops! Murderface is obsessed with urine because it's funny. Everyone knows Planet Piss is a great band name. Here's a tidbit for you: Brendon Small and Tommy Blacha both recorded all five voices for the pilot of "Metalocalypse." I cut the radio play and got to decide who played who - so you can blame me if you think Skwisgaar and Toki's voices should have been switched.
There are precisely zero secrets to be revealed about this show right now...
SK: So, “Downtown” and “Motorcity” seem to be your “babies” (or at least the shows you’re most deeply involved with.) But considering they were at such different times in your career and for such different companies (MTV vs. Disney) how was the experience between making them different?
CP: They were very, very different. MTV was a crazy company back in the late 90's. They pretty much let me hire anyone I wanted. That is unheard of out here in Hollywood. My college buddies, George Krstic and
SK: Let’s talk about pacing for a minute. I don’t have any experience writing for television so I’m interested in the timing differences between an 11-minute (quarter-hour when it airs) and 22-minute (half hour) show. Now two of the shows you’ve worked on, “Metalocalypse” and “China, IL” switched from 11 to 22, and then “Metalocalypse” even switched back. Can you tell us a little bit about what prompted those (fairly major) format changes and how it affects the storytelling?
CP: Yeah, 11 and 22 minute episodes are really different beasts. You need more story in a 22. In a quarter hour you can have a simple premise and then pretty much shit on it at the end. As long as you go out on a funny joke, it generally works. A half hour needs a plot. And it needs your characters to care what happens. That's one of the reasons we went back to 11s with "Metalocalypse" - It's hard to make a group of characters who don't care about anything function in a longer story. Basically, the creators wanted to try the longer format, and [adult swim] is cool as shit, so they let us.
Except for Penn State, obviously.
SK: Well, thanks so much for stopping by the blog today, Chris! I really appreciate it, and as I said, I admire so much of your work, and we could only really reasonable cover a small slice of it today. But bearing that in mind, is there any subject that we didn’t get to talk about, or just anything you’d like to say to your fans before we go?
CP: Thanks for watching our cartoons. We try to make quality shows at Titmouse. I'm glad people dig them. Look out for the next season of "Venture Bros." on Feb 7th, a new Brad Neely show called "TV Sucks" not too long after that, and a bunch of other stuff I can't talk about yet!
About the Shows
"Moonbeam City" currently airs on Comedy Central at 10:30pm EST, right after "South Park."
"The Venture Bros." - Season 1, Season 2, Season 3, Season 4, and Season 5 are on DVD
"Metalocalypse" - Season 1, Season 2, Season 3, and Season 4 are on DVD
"China, IL" - Season 1 and Season 2 are available on Amazon Video
"Megas XLR" - Season 1 and Season 2 are available on iTunes
"Turbo: F.A.S.T." - Season 1 is available on DVD
"Beavis and Butt-Head" - several versions are available on DVD
"Daria" - the entire series is available on DVD
And through the power of asking (patent pending) I have secured an amazing guest today. As president, founder, and owner of Titmouse, Inc., Chris Prynoski is responsible for bringing such mindblowing shows as "The Venture Bros.," "Metalocalypse," "China, IL," "Moonbeam City," [deep breath] "Megas XLR," "Motorcity," "Turbo: F.A.S.T." and countless others to your eyeholes. And before all that he worked on "Beavis and Butt-Head," "Daria," and was nominated for an Emmy for "Downtown."
"Chirp."Just listing a few of our guest's
About Chris Prynoski
Chris Prynoski began on shows such as "Beavis and Butthead" and "Daria" for MTV in the early 90s. MTV's "Downtown" earned him an Emmy nomination. In 2004, Prynoski founded the animation studio Titmouse, Inc. where he has continued his string of hits with projects like "Metalocalypse," "China, IL," "Black Dynamite," "Superjail!," "The Venture Bros.," "Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja," and his own creation, "Motorcity" for Disney XD. He is currently executive producing a number of shows, including "Turbo: F.A.S.T." for DreamWorks, and directing a 2-D animation feature that he’ll be submitting to Sundance later this year.
Interview
SK: Thanks so much for being with us today, Chris! I’m absolutely spoiled with things to talk about with you, but I don’t want to impose too much on your time so I’ll just try to stick to my usual format of five topics and then give you the last word.
That being said, we absolutely have to talk about “Moonbeam City” first. This show looks like nothing else on television and like nothing I’ve seen since the ‘80s, when, presumably, artists weren’t trying to achieve this effect ironically. How do your animators create that Reagan-era feel?
CP: Well, we totally owe a lot to Patrick Nagel on this one. He was clearly the inspiration for the character designs. If only he was still with us, we would have reached out to him. As a young teen I enjoyed many a Playboy spot illustration drawn by his hand. Jo Jo Park did a great job channeling him. She is an incredible draftsman with an eye for fashion! And Antonio Canobbio (the art director) and Brandon Cuellar (the background supervisor) also killed it like Sonny Crocket's gator attacking a sockless maritime intruder.
"Ah, a bowling metaphor. Now I'm interested."SK: Let’s take a step back and take kind of a bird’s eye view of your career. My dad used to work at the Ocean Spray plant in Bordentown, NJ, so I actually know that area a little bit. What was the road like for you from the mean streets of Bordentown to the gold-paved (I assume) Titmouse headquarters in LA?
CP: The Ocean Spray factory! It smelled so good! That factory was the holy grail of jobs when I worked at Hilltop Exxon. Everyone wanted a gig there. It had great wages and benefits! I, unfortunately, never got to step inside - although I did eat some ice cream from the Häagen-Dazs factory store next door. I left B-Town for New York City in the early nineties to attend the School of Visual Arts. From there I moved on to MTV to storyboard and direct on such projects as "Beavis and Butt-Head" and "Daria." Then I moved to LA when my show "Downtown" was cancelled. After working for the major studios, I started Titmouse with my wife Shannon. Our streets are not paved with gold, but imported New Jersey pork roll.
The Titmouse Studios (artist's conception)SK: Just looking at your
CP: Unfortunately I can't share any "Metalocalypse" scoops! Murderface is obsessed with urine because it's funny. Everyone knows Planet Piss is a great band name. Here's a tidbit for you: Brendon Small and Tommy Blacha both recorded all five voices for the pilot of "Metalocalypse." I cut the radio play and got to decide who played who - so you can blame me if you think Skwisgaar and Toki's voices should have been switched.
There are precisely zero secrets to be revealed about this show right now...SK: So, “Downtown” and “Motorcity” seem to be your “babies” (or at least the shows you’re most deeply involved with.) But considering they were at such different times in your career and for such different companies (MTV vs. Disney) how was the experience between making them different?
CP: They were very, very different. MTV was a crazy company back in the late 90's. They pretty much let me hire anyone I wanted. That is unheard of out here in Hollywood. My college buddies, George Krstic and
SK: Let’s talk about pacing for a minute. I don’t have any experience writing for television so I’m interested in the timing differences between an 11-minute (quarter-hour when it airs) and 22-minute (half hour) show. Now two of the shows you’ve worked on, “Metalocalypse” and “China, IL” switched from 11 to 22, and then “Metalocalypse” even switched back. Can you tell us a little bit about what prompted those (fairly major) format changes and how it affects the storytelling?
CP: Yeah, 11 and 22 minute episodes are really different beasts. You need more story in a 22. In a quarter hour you can have a simple premise and then pretty much shit on it at the end. As long as you go out on a funny joke, it generally works. A half hour needs a plot. And it needs your characters to care what happens. That's one of the reasons we went back to 11s with "Metalocalypse" - It's hard to make a group of characters who don't care about anything function in a longer story. Basically, the creators wanted to try the longer format, and [adult swim] is cool as shit, so they let us.
Except for Penn State, obviously.SK: Well, thanks so much for stopping by the blog today, Chris! I really appreciate it, and as I said, I admire so much of your work, and we could only really reasonable cover a small slice of it today. But bearing that in mind, is there any subject that we didn’t get to talk about, or just anything you’d like to say to your fans before we go?
CP: Thanks for watching our cartoons. We try to make quality shows at Titmouse. I'm glad people dig them. Look out for the next season of "Venture Bros." on Feb 7th, a new Brad Neely show called "TV Sucks" not too long after that, and a bunch of other stuff I can't talk about yet!
About the Shows
"Moonbeam City" currently airs on Comedy Central at 10:30pm EST, right after "South Park."
"The Venture Bros." - Season 1, Season 2, Season 3, Season 4, and Season 5 are on DVD
"Metalocalypse" - Season 1, Season 2, Season 3, and Season 4 are on DVD
"China, IL" - Season 1 and Season 2 are available on Amazon Video
"Megas XLR" - Season 1 and Season 2 are available on iTunes
"Turbo: F.A.S.T." - Season 1 is available on DVD
"Beavis and Butt-Head" - several versions are available on DVD
"Daria" - the entire series is available on DVD
October 5, 2015
Am I Jealous of You? Yes, Yes I Certainly am.
I'm going to confess something here I probably shouldn't, but I think it's important to talk about these sorts of things, so here goes:
I get jealous of other authors.
I know that doesn't seem groundbreaking and maybe some of you are even laughing right now or, if not laughing, wondering if I made a joke that fell flat. But, no, this is a serious discussion.
You see, authors are not supposed to get jealous of other authors. I've even talked about it before on the blog. We're supposed to be good members of a small fraternity and celebrate one another's successes and commiserate in one another's times of tribulation.
We're supposed to know that a rising tide raises all boats and that what's good for one author is good for all authors and that we're not in a competition for readers, because readers buy lots of books and not just one book in a lifetime.
And I do know all of that. I know the hell out of it. I grok it even. I've cheered and raved and shared in the successes of other members of my tribe and I've held their hair back while they puked their guts empty of all the sorrows they drowned. And I've never shit on another author (in public) and I've never been anything but welcoming and supportive to the other members of my community, my tribe, really.
And yet...
That doesn't really change the fact that I'm jealous. And I don't mean like, I'm jealous of J.K. Rowling's millions and movie deals and world-changing impact. I mean, I am, sure, in an abstract way, but really people like Stephen King and J.K. Rowling are the people I'm least jealous of. Because they may as well be quasars, or quarks, or, I dunno, some other obscure astronomical q-word. Their success is miraculous essentially, the one-in-a-million shot wrapped in an unheard-of burrito, with a squirt of creamy once-in-a-lifetime brand sour cream on top. What's even the point of being jealous of someone like that? You may as well be jealous of the King of England.
No, I mean I'm jealous of my peers. And midlist authors. And debut authors. And complete fucking n00bs. And it's not just once in a while. It's constantly.
I'm jealous when I see someone has better reviews than me. I'm jealous when I see they have more reviews. I'm jealous when I see they have more books out (how dare she be more productive than me?)
I'm jealous when they get an agent. I'm jealous when they get interest from an agent's grad school assistant. I'm jealous when they get a book deal. I'm jealous when they get a book sale.
I'm jealous when they meet a hero. I'm jealous that they have heroes. I'm jealous that they're better read than me.
And, yeah, sometimes I'm jealous that they're dumber than me. I'm jealous they don't know how hard this fucking row is to hoe. I'm jealous that they don't know how hard it is to sell a book. I'm jealous of their never-say-die, never-give-up pluckiness. I'm jealous of their youth. (Sometimes I'm jealous of their age and wisdom, too.)
Sometimes I get jealous of stupid shit, too. Not that anything I just mentioned is particularly germane, but I mean especially stupid shit. I'm jealous when somebody else's name get mentioned. Or they get called "a great person." Or that they have a better haircut than me. Or that they have cute kids. Or that they have a better day job than me. Or that they have some other talent, some actual talent that isn't just putting words together which essentially everybody can do, like art or something.
So why am I admitting all of this? Why am I essentially putting myself out there as a pariah and confessing that as much as I toe the line (and tell other people to toe the line) of love, peace, and respect in my behavior, in my heart I feel differently?
Because I think it's natural. And I think it probably happens more than we expect. In fact, I think it probably happens as constantly to other people as it does to me.
And I sort of wish in a way that there was a word for "jealousy" that didn't carry those negative connotations, but I couldn't think of one. "Envy" is just as bad and "admiration" doesn't really capture the point. Because even though I'm jealous of you doesn't mean I don't still love you and want the best for you and revel in your successes and weep over your losses.
In fact, I think there's a certain amount of healthy jealousy that all authors feel and that, in fact, we need. It prods us on. It encourages us to do more, write more, write better, beat the odds, beat that other guy (even if I love him and his stupid awesome haircut.) Maybe make him a little jealous no matter how perfectly coiffed he is, and maybe make him secretly weep into his booze a little later tonight.
We're running a race and other racers make us better. We want to pass the one in front of us, and then the new one in front of us, and then the new one in front of us. But that doesn't mean we should be tripping the other racers, and it doesn't mean we should be spitting in their Gatorade at the end of the race either.
Because there's also unhealthy jealousy. There's also poisonous, venomous, dripping toxic jealousy that gets into your pores and drives you nuts. It's the kind that turns a writer into a has-been, or never-was, who dismisses the whole community as Philistines. It's the kind that turns a writer into a basement-dwelling troll who has nothing better to do with his time than to harass other people. It's the kind that holds you back instead of inspiring you forward. It's the kind that stymies your career, stymies even your capability for human interaction. The kind that makes you give up because "how could I ever accomplish that?"
I guess really jealousy is like the Force. There's a dark side and a light side. And you can end up a Sith Lord, dealing only in absolutes and cackling over the villainy and cruelty you've spread. Or you can end up a Jedi, fighting alongside thousands of other Jedis, but not being able to marry for some reason. I guess the metaphor kind of falls down at the end, but there you go.
I get jealous of other authors.
I know that doesn't seem groundbreaking and maybe some of you are even laughing right now or, if not laughing, wondering if I made a joke that fell flat. But, no, this is a serious discussion.
You see, authors are not supposed to get jealous of other authors. I've even talked about it before on the blog. We're supposed to be good members of a small fraternity and celebrate one another's successes and commiserate in one another's times of tribulation.
We're supposed to know that a rising tide raises all boats and that what's good for one author is good for all authors and that we're not in a competition for readers, because readers buy lots of books and not just one book in a lifetime.
And I do know all of that. I know the hell out of it. I grok it even. I've cheered and raved and shared in the successes of other members of my tribe and I've held their hair back while they puked their guts empty of all the sorrows they drowned. And I've never shit on another author (in public) and I've never been anything but welcoming and supportive to the other members of my community, my tribe, really.
And yet...
That doesn't really change the fact that I'm jealous. And I don't mean like, I'm jealous of J.K. Rowling's millions and movie deals and world-changing impact. I mean, I am, sure, in an abstract way, but really people like Stephen King and J.K. Rowling are the people I'm least jealous of. Because they may as well be quasars, or quarks, or, I dunno, some other obscure astronomical q-word. Their success is miraculous essentially, the one-in-a-million shot wrapped in an unheard-of burrito, with a squirt of creamy once-in-a-lifetime brand sour cream on top. What's even the point of being jealous of someone like that? You may as well be jealous of the King of England.
No, I mean I'm jealous of my peers. And midlist authors. And debut authors. And complete fucking n00bs. And it's not just once in a while. It's constantly.
I'm jealous when I see someone has better reviews than me. I'm jealous when I see they have more reviews. I'm jealous when I see they have more books out (how dare she be more productive than me?)
I'm jealous when they get an agent. I'm jealous when they get interest from an agent's grad school assistant. I'm jealous when they get a book deal. I'm jealous when they get a book sale.
I'm jealous when they meet a hero. I'm jealous that they have heroes. I'm jealous that they're better read than me.
And, yeah, sometimes I'm jealous that they're dumber than me. I'm jealous they don't know how hard this fucking row is to hoe. I'm jealous that they don't know how hard it is to sell a book. I'm jealous of their never-say-die, never-give-up pluckiness. I'm jealous of their youth. (Sometimes I'm jealous of their age and wisdom, too.)
Sometimes I get jealous of stupid shit, too. Not that anything I just mentioned is particularly germane, but I mean especially stupid shit. I'm jealous when somebody else's name get mentioned. Or they get called "a great person." Or that they have a better haircut than me. Or that they have cute kids. Or that they have a better day job than me. Or that they have some other talent, some actual talent that isn't just putting words together which essentially everybody can do, like art or something.
So why am I admitting all of this? Why am I essentially putting myself out there as a pariah and confessing that as much as I toe the line (and tell other people to toe the line) of love, peace, and respect in my behavior, in my heart I feel differently?
Because I think it's natural. And I think it probably happens more than we expect. In fact, I think it probably happens as constantly to other people as it does to me.
And I sort of wish in a way that there was a word for "jealousy" that didn't carry those negative connotations, but I couldn't think of one. "Envy" is just as bad and "admiration" doesn't really capture the point. Because even though I'm jealous of you doesn't mean I don't still love you and want the best for you and revel in your successes and weep over your losses.
In fact, I think there's a certain amount of healthy jealousy that all authors feel and that, in fact, we need. It prods us on. It encourages us to do more, write more, write better, beat the odds, beat that other guy (even if I love him and his stupid awesome haircut.) Maybe make him a little jealous no matter how perfectly coiffed he is, and maybe make him secretly weep into his booze a little later tonight.
We're running a race and other racers make us better. We want to pass the one in front of us, and then the new one in front of us, and then the new one in front of us. But that doesn't mean we should be tripping the other racers, and it doesn't mean we should be spitting in their Gatorade at the end of the race either.
Because there's also unhealthy jealousy. There's also poisonous, venomous, dripping toxic jealousy that gets into your pores and drives you nuts. It's the kind that turns a writer into a has-been, or never-was, who dismisses the whole community as Philistines. It's the kind that turns a writer into a basement-dwelling troll who has nothing better to do with his time than to harass other people. It's the kind that holds you back instead of inspiring you forward. It's the kind that stymies your career, stymies even your capability for human interaction. The kind that makes you give up because "how could I ever accomplish that?"
I guess really jealousy is like the Force. There's a dark side and a light side. And you can end up a Sith Lord, dealing only in absolutes and cackling over the villainy and cruelty you've spread. Or you can end up a Jedi, fighting alongside thousands of other Jedis, but not being able to marry for some reason. I guess the metaphor kind of falls down at the end, but there you go.
October 2, 2015
Artwork Reveal: The Smugglers
I've long had a desire to create a GHOUL ARCHIPELAGO trailer in the style of this "Dune" miniseries trailer that has stuck with me a long time (15 years at least, I guess):
I always admired how the characters of "Dune" are so iconic, so beloved (or hated), and so instantly recognizable that the trailer focuses almost exclusively on them. Unlike ordinary trailers which focus on the action or the hook or the twist or whatever to entice the audience. In "Dune" it is the characters who entice above all else. And that was always my goal with THE GHOUL ARCHIPELAGO, debatable as the outcome may be.
I knew to make this trailer I would either need to hire actors - which would be prohibitively expensive for what amounts to a fun arts and crafts project - or use artwork. Those of you who know me know I'm terrible at art. I had some proclivity for it as a child, but as the narrator of "The Royal Tenenbaums" would say, "failed to develop." I don't even really have much of an eye for art - I have to rely on trusted confidantes to judge my book covers for me.
I finally stopped dawdling this year and hired an artist, the incredibly talented Ashley Powers (check her out here and here) to finally put a face to my characters. The end result is that I'm finally ready to release my trailer, and I'll be doing so on THe GaL iN THe BLue MaSK's blog on October 30 as part of her "31 Days of Halloween" extravaganza.
To build up some anticipation and to have a place to host this incredible artwork in non-video form, each Friday from now until October 30 I'll be posting one of Ashley's commissions. This week I thought I'd start with our intrepid heroes, the smugglers of the Rey Gould:
Pictured (left to right): Hannibal Mo, Captain Henk "Howling Mad" Martigan, Leona "Butch" Candiru
I always admired how the characters of "Dune" are so iconic, so beloved (or hated), and so instantly recognizable that the trailer focuses almost exclusively on them. Unlike ordinary trailers which focus on the action or the hook or the twist or whatever to entice the audience. In "Dune" it is the characters who entice above all else. And that was always my goal with THE GHOUL ARCHIPELAGO, debatable as the outcome may be.
I knew to make this trailer I would either need to hire actors - which would be prohibitively expensive for what amounts to a fun arts and crafts project - or use artwork. Those of you who know me know I'm terrible at art. I had some proclivity for it as a child, but as the narrator of "The Royal Tenenbaums" would say, "failed to develop." I don't even really have much of an eye for art - I have to rely on trusted confidantes to judge my book covers for me.
I finally stopped dawdling this year and hired an artist, the incredibly talented Ashley Powers (check her out here and here) to finally put a face to my characters. The end result is that I'm finally ready to release my trailer, and I'll be doing so on THe GaL iN THe BLue MaSK's blog on October 30 as part of her "31 Days of Halloween" extravaganza.
To build up some anticipation and to have a place to host this incredible artwork in non-video form, each Friday from now until October 30 I'll be posting one of Ashley's commissions. This week I thought I'd start with our intrepid heroes, the smugglers of the Rey Gould:
Pictured (left to right): Hannibal Mo, Captain Henk "Howling Mad" Martigan, Leona "Butch" Candiru
September 30, 2015
Die, Hipster Reviewer Assholes, Die!
A Question
In "Night of the Living Dead," the movie which gave us the modern conception of zombie, how many times is the word "zombie" uttered?
A Few Facts
Actors and theater-types are notoriously superstitious. You've probably heard the term "break a leg" used in lieu of "good luck" because saying "good luck" is actually bad luck.
Similarly, many theater-types will never utter the word "Macbeth" backstage, rather referring to it as "The Scottish Play." Supposedly the witches chant in the beginning of "Macbeth" is an actual witches chant, making the entire play cursed, and to reference it is to literally curse yourself.
An Answer
Zero.
Wait, what?
A Longer Answer
"Zombie" was never a term that Romero used in "Night of the Living Dead." How exactly it came to be applied to Romero's iconic creations would be the subject of a fascinating linguistics dissertation. It was only used once in the sequel "Dawn of the Dead" - by that time Romero had learned the term society had decided to apply to his creations. The term most commonly used in the original film was "ghoul" but a wide variety of euphemisms like "them," "those things," and my particular favorite, "murder-happy characters" were used by the characters in the film.
Who Gives a Shit?
Well, I'll tell you who gives a shit for a start: zombie authors, for one. All walks of life have their superstitions and traditions. Using wooden bats and growing out your beard for the playoffs are two examples for baseball players. Sure, not every guy grows out his beard, but it's a pretty common practice.
And, similarly, it's a pretty common practice for zombie authors to never use the z-word in their books. They do it partially as a tribute to Romero, and partially as just an acknowledgement that there is some actual goddamn tradition in this field. For a master course in z-word (or as they call it "zed-word") avoidance, go back and watch "Shaun of the Dead." In fact, you may be surprised how many authors follow this practice and you never even noticed.
So...Wait. Who Gives a Shit Again?
I. Am. So. Fucking. Tired.
(deep breath)
Of hearing this fucking hipster bullshit argument again and again, over and over, from people who don't know the difference between "Dead Alive" and "Death Becomes Her" that it's sooooooo fucking stupid that nobody in "The Walking Dead" ever says "zombie."
"Why don't they just call 'em zombies. Eh hurk eh hurk eh hurk," such people will say, I assume before going to take a swim in their cement ponds.
Look, Robert Kirkman and I have differences. There are things, you know, I disagree with in terms of the path of his show. But let me tell you shitheads something:
Robert Kirkman knows what the fuck he's doing.
He obviously loves the genre. He's obviously contributed greatly to it. And he has obviously decided to take one of our most cherished traditions and apply it to his work. The fact that you don't know enough about the zombie genre to recognize what he's doing tells me all I need to know right there. And Greg Nicotero and all those guys behind the scenes at the show, obviously also know their heads from their assholes and have decided to continue this fairly well fucking documented tradition as well.
Does That Mean I'm an Asshole? Okay, so, first of all, not everyone does follow the "no z-word" rule. For one thing, there are a lot of younger authors out there who are starting to get their zombie educations second-and-third hand. Fifteen, twenty years ago, all we really had was The Holy Trilogy, a smattering of movies, and a scant handful of books, mostly short story collections. And even the people who were around in that era don't universally follow the rule. Some of my favorite authors throw "zombie" around like it's going out of business. So to clarify: you're not an asshole for not using the "no z-word" rule. You're not even an asshole for not knowing about it until now. But if having read this blogpost, you ever make the argument that "they should just call 'em zombies, not walkers, we know what they are, he-hyuk" then you are a bigger asshole than Harry Cooper. Here endeth the lesson.
In "Night of the Living Dead," the movie which gave us the modern conception of zombie, how many times is the word "zombie" uttered?
A Few Facts
Actors and theater-types are notoriously superstitious. You've probably heard the term "break a leg" used in lieu of "good luck" because saying "good luck" is actually bad luck.
Similarly, many theater-types will never utter the word "Macbeth" backstage, rather referring to it as "The Scottish Play." Supposedly the witches chant in the beginning of "Macbeth" is an actual witches chant, making the entire play cursed, and to reference it is to literally curse yourself.
An Answer
Zero.
Wait, what?
A Longer Answer
"Zombie" was never a term that Romero used in "Night of the Living Dead." How exactly it came to be applied to Romero's iconic creations would be the subject of a fascinating linguistics dissertation. It was only used once in the sequel "Dawn of the Dead" - by that time Romero had learned the term society had decided to apply to his creations. The term most commonly used in the original film was "ghoul" but a wide variety of euphemisms like "them," "those things," and my particular favorite, "murder-happy characters" were used by the characters in the film.
Who Gives a Shit?
Well, I'll tell you who gives a shit for a start: zombie authors, for one. All walks of life have their superstitions and traditions. Using wooden bats and growing out your beard for the playoffs are two examples for baseball players. Sure, not every guy grows out his beard, but it's a pretty common practice.
And, similarly, it's a pretty common practice for zombie authors to never use the z-word in their books. They do it partially as a tribute to Romero, and partially as just an acknowledgement that there is some actual goddamn tradition in this field. For a master course in z-word (or as they call it "zed-word") avoidance, go back and watch "Shaun of the Dead." In fact, you may be surprised how many authors follow this practice and you never even noticed.
So...Wait. Who Gives a Shit Again?
I. Am. So. Fucking. Tired.
(deep breath)
Of hearing this fucking hipster bullshit argument again and again, over and over, from people who don't know the difference between "Dead Alive" and "Death Becomes Her" that it's sooooooo fucking stupid that nobody in "The Walking Dead" ever says "zombie."
"Why don't they just call 'em zombies. Eh hurk eh hurk eh hurk," such people will say, I assume before going to take a swim in their cement ponds.
Look, Robert Kirkman and I have differences. There are things, you know, I disagree with in terms of the path of his show. But let me tell you shitheads something:
Robert Kirkman knows what the fuck he's doing.
He obviously loves the genre. He's obviously contributed greatly to it. And he has obviously decided to take one of our most cherished traditions and apply it to his work. The fact that you don't know enough about the zombie genre to recognize what he's doing tells me all I need to know right there. And Greg Nicotero and all those guys behind the scenes at the show, obviously also know their heads from their assholes and have decided to continue this fairly well fucking documented tradition as well.
Does That Mean I'm an Asshole? Okay, so, first of all, not everyone does follow the "no z-word" rule. For one thing, there are a lot of younger authors out there who are starting to get their zombie educations second-and-third hand. Fifteen, twenty years ago, all we really had was The Holy Trilogy, a smattering of movies, and a scant handful of books, mostly short story collections. And even the people who were around in that era don't universally follow the rule. Some of my favorite authors throw "zombie" around like it's going out of business. So to clarify: you're not an asshole for not using the "no z-word" rule. You're not even an asshole for not knowing about it until now. But if having read this blogpost, you ever make the argument that "they should just call 'em zombies, not walkers, we know what they are, he-hyuk" then you are a bigger asshole than Harry Cooper. Here endeth the lesson.
September 28, 2015
Zombie Apocalypse: Could It Happen in Real Life (Guest Post)
Howdy, blogketeers! As you (hopefully) know by now I have an open-door guest policy and pretty much anybody who's interested is welcome to come on the blog. That being said, I usually end up having to reach out to folks to keep the guests (and the Year of Interviewing Dangerously in particular) coming.
Not so today, however! A few weeks ago a gentleman by the name of Bryan Fuller reached out and asked if I would host a guest blog. But of course! And you folks out there in internetland should feel free to ask the same thing, because God knows it saves me from having to come up with content three times a week. Now, the actual author of this guest post is Dan of Dan's Writing Services, so make sure to check him out if you're looking for someone to do a little ghostwriting work.
Now, all this is preamble to say that I think today's subject is going to be pretty exciting to all of my fans, so let's just jump right into it:
Zombie Apocalypse: Could it Happen in Real Life?
Zombies – we have seen them in popular television shows, movies, and online games. They are often depictions of horror in ways more than one. The way they look and the way they act can make you cower in freight and scream because of fear. For many, however, zombies are nothing but fictional characters from creative geniuses. Nonetheless, it is important to note that if you are just going to look at various evidences, there is a way proves how a zombie apocalypse can indeed happen in real life. Although it is hard to imagine, there is a possibility that their infestation can ruin the world where we live in. Keep on reading and learn more about some of the things that support claims on their possible assault to our civilisation.
Mad Cow Disease
This is perhaps one of the most significant factors that can possibly give rise to the catastrophe that will be brought by zombies in our real world. Also known as Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy, this refers to a virus that damages the nervous system of a cow. With this attack, the cow resorts into acting in a weird manner and shows uncontrollable behaviour. It is a parasite that can be transferred in humans through the consumption of meat.
Toxoplasmosa gondii
Also known as brain parasites, scientific studies in the past have shown how such is evident in rats. Being infected with such alters the behaviour of rats. Meaning, if they use to stay away from cats, once they have been infiltrated with this virus, they become braver and tend to attack cats rather than stay away from them. Humans and rats are not that much different. This explains why rats are used in testing medications. Therefore, a virus that infests them can also infect us, and this is another risk that can lead into the potential of zombie infestation.
Nanobots
While we have a lot to be thankful with technology because of what it does to our life, it can also be destructive as it has the potential to lead into a zombie apocalypse. Recently, scientists have developed microscopic robots that can practically destroy anything. It is believed that in the future, scientists can design such robots that will infiltrate human brain and will alter the way it works, possibly turning us into zombies.
Neurotoxins
Neurotoxins are poisonous to humans and can impede our bodily functions in ways more than one. A well-known source of such poison is the Japanese blowfish. Once the toxin is ingested, you can be considered as dead. Nonetheless, there are drugs that can be used for your revival, but you will typically be in a trance state and will have an absence of memory. Technically, it may not lead into an apocalypse, but it can be used to turn humans into zombies. In Haiti, which is asserted to be where zombies started, it is believed to have happened with a man who died in 1962 and later seen wandering in a local village.
Not so today, however! A few weeks ago a gentleman by the name of Bryan Fuller reached out and asked if I would host a guest blog. But of course! And you folks out there in internetland should feel free to ask the same thing, because God knows it saves me from having to come up with content three times a week. Now, the actual author of this guest post is Dan of Dan's Writing Services, so make sure to check him out if you're looking for someone to do a little ghostwriting work.
Now, all this is preamble to say that I think today's subject is going to be pretty exciting to all of my fans, so let's just jump right into it:
Zombie Apocalypse: Could it Happen in Real Life?
Zombies – we have seen them in popular television shows, movies, and online games. They are often depictions of horror in ways more than one. The way they look and the way they act can make you cower in freight and scream because of fear. For many, however, zombies are nothing but fictional characters from creative geniuses. Nonetheless, it is important to note that if you are just going to look at various evidences, there is a way proves how a zombie apocalypse can indeed happen in real life. Although it is hard to imagine, there is a possibility that their infestation can ruin the world where we live in. Keep on reading and learn more about some of the things that support claims on their possible assault to our civilisation.
Mad Cow Disease
This is perhaps one of the most significant factors that can possibly give rise to the catastrophe that will be brought by zombies in our real world. Also known as Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy, this refers to a virus that damages the nervous system of a cow. With this attack, the cow resorts into acting in a weird manner and shows uncontrollable behaviour. It is a parasite that can be transferred in humans through the consumption of meat.
Toxoplasmosa gondii
Also known as brain parasites, scientific studies in the past have shown how such is evident in rats. Being infected with such alters the behaviour of rats. Meaning, if they use to stay away from cats, once they have been infiltrated with this virus, they become braver and tend to attack cats rather than stay away from them. Humans and rats are not that much different. This explains why rats are used in testing medications. Therefore, a virus that infests them can also infect us, and this is another risk that can lead into the potential of zombie infestation.
Nanobots
While we have a lot to be thankful with technology because of what it does to our life, it can also be destructive as it has the potential to lead into a zombie apocalypse. Recently, scientists have developed microscopic robots that can practically destroy anything. It is believed that in the future, scientists can design such robots that will infiltrate human brain and will alter the way it works, possibly turning us into zombies.
Neurotoxins
Neurotoxins are poisonous to humans and can impede our bodily functions in ways more than one. A well-known source of such poison is the Japanese blowfish. Once the toxin is ingested, you can be considered as dead. Nonetheless, there are drugs that can be used for your revival, but you will typically be in a trance state and will have an absence of memory. Technically, it may not lead into an apocalypse, but it can be used to turn humans into zombies. In Haiti, which is asserted to be where zombies started, it is believed to have happened with a man who died in 1962 and later seen wandering in a local village.
September 25, 2015
I'm Mr. So-and-So Dick. I've Got Such-and-Such for a Penis.
Remember when we talked a few months ago about meta-text? One great example of meta-text comes to us from the world of whodunits.
If you're a fan of procedural shows like "Law and Order" and "CSI" you've probably noticed that it's a lot easier to identify the culprit based on the cast list. Sometimes just seeing the names of the cast flash along the screen at the beginning of the episode is enough. If someone warrants a "with Special Guest Star" billing, odds are they're going to be the killer.
Because of course they are. If the showrunners managed to swing getting Gina Gershon or Robin Williams to appear on their show, odds are it's not going to be as the red herring character. We, the audience, know something which the fictional characters don't. A famous actor is going to be granted the opportunity to act...and that means they're most likely going to be the last man standing.
Which brings us (as it so often does) to "Rick and Morty." I'm beginning to think of "Rick and Morty" as the smartest show on television. Or, at a minimum, the show with the smartest writers on television. Let's take a look at last week's episode, "Interdimensional Cable 2: Tempting Fate" (in synecdoche.)
I'm usually pretty anti-.gif, so you understand how big a deal this is for me.I know you can't tell because this is a .gif but that alien guy right there? That's Werner Herzog, legendary director and possibly the only man on Earth with more gravitas than Walter Cronkite.
Now, I could bring you into the context of the show and tell you exactly what was going on here, but it's not entirely necessary. I just want you to grok this: that wheelchair-bound alien who gives the thirty-second speech about the importance of dicks on planet Earth is never seen or heard from again. That's right: the creators of "Rick and Morty" got Werner Fucking Herzog to do a cameo on their show for the purpose of stating a point that in no way had to be made.
There is literally no one on Earth who is confused about this point. The importance of phalluses and phallic symbols to mankind (specifically to mankind) is universal across cultures. Werner Herzog alien brings absolutely nothing relevant to the viewer's attention. Why is he even there?
Because it defies every expectation.
An alien diplomat should say something profound. Instead, this guy says something that any frat boy could tell you.
Werner Herzog should be used to maximum effect. Instead, he's wasted on a throwaway gag.
Every second of a thirty minute (22 minute, really, taking into account commercials) show should be dedicated to the important business of telling a story. A full thirty seconds is wasted on this.
And it works on every level. It's so ridiculous, and calls into such stark relief all of our expectations about storytelling, that practically for the rest of the night I was struck by every single layer of this marvelous piece of storytelling.
Not to mention the fact that it was a dick joke, and those are always hilarious.
If you're a fan of procedural shows like "Law and Order" and "CSI" you've probably noticed that it's a lot easier to identify the culprit based on the cast list. Sometimes just seeing the names of the cast flash along the screen at the beginning of the episode is enough. If someone warrants a "with Special Guest Star" billing, odds are they're going to be the killer.
Because of course they are. If the showrunners managed to swing getting Gina Gershon or Robin Williams to appear on their show, odds are it's not going to be as the red herring character. We, the audience, know something which the fictional characters don't. A famous actor is going to be granted the opportunity to act...and that means they're most likely going to be the last man standing.
Which brings us (as it so often does) to "Rick and Morty." I'm beginning to think of "Rick and Morty" as the smartest show on television. Or, at a minimum, the show with the smartest writers on television. Let's take a look at last week's episode, "Interdimensional Cable 2: Tempting Fate" (in synecdoche.)
I'm usually pretty anti-.gif, so you understand how big a deal this is for me.I know you can't tell because this is a .gif but that alien guy right there? That's Werner Herzog, legendary director and possibly the only man on Earth with more gravitas than Walter Cronkite.Now, I could bring you into the context of the show and tell you exactly what was going on here, but it's not entirely necessary. I just want you to grok this: that wheelchair-bound alien who gives the thirty-second speech about the importance of dicks on planet Earth is never seen or heard from again. That's right: the creators of "Rick and Morty" got Werner Fucking Herzog to do a cameo on their show for the purpose of stating a point that in no way had to be made.
There is literally no one on Earth who is confused about this point. The importance of phalluses and phallic symbols to mankind (specifically to mankind) is universal across cultures. Werner Herzog alien brings absolutely nothing relevant to the viewer's attention. Why is he even there?
Because it defies every expectation.
An alien diplomat should say something profound. Instead, this guy says something that any frat boy could tell you.
Werner Herzog should be used to maximum effect. Instead, he's wasted on a throwaway gag.
Every second of a thirty minute (22 minute, really, taking into account commercials) show should be dedicated to the important business of telling a story. A full thirty seconds is wasted on this.
And it works on every level. It's so ridiculous, and calls into such stark relief all of our expectations about storytelling, that practically for the rest of the night I was struck by every single layer of this marvelous piece of storytelling.
Not to mention the fact that it was a dick joke, and those are always hilarious.
September 23, 2015
Five Things I Rate About You (Guest Post with Kit Power and Rich Hawkins)
Well, this is just a saga now.
It started so simply. Two indie authors plan to release their novels on the same date. No big deal. Happens all the time.
And then it got weird.
First, each author put out a press release accusing the other of stealing the launch date. Then, head of the genre mafia and owner of Ginger Nuts of Horror Jim McLeod ran the press releases, before angrily accusing both writers of an obvious and shallow publicity stunt.
Pictured: James "Big Jimmy Fingers" McLeodIn the comments section of that very article, both writers rejected the charges of a publicity stunt, and indeed ended up setting a wager: That at the end of the first week of sales, whoever had the lower Amazon sales ranking would need to present the winner with a signed copy of their book at FCon in October.
Then Gef Fox put on his investigative journalism hat on over at his book blog ‘Wag The Fox’. He figured that a quick series of questions to both parties would soon flush out the truth.
That didn’t work out so well.
Gef Fox portraying the piano genius Shiney McShine in the movie "Shine."
Following that little fiasco, things escalated further on Facebook, until a challenge was issued - a rap battle, hosted by legendary blogger THe GaL iN THe BLue MaSK, with the winner to be determined by public vote as each contestant's minions were to state unequivocally either #teampower or #teamhawkins. (I, like all right-minded people, declared myself #teamneither.) The rap battle went about as well as you might expect...
The GaL iN THe BLue MaSK (artist's conception)
Kanly, it seemed, had been declared. Then, like the sudden passing of Shai-Hulud through the desert, peace broke out. Don Jimbo got back on his blog to demand a ceasefire. And both authors agreed to host a joint launch party on Facebook, to prove that they’d buried the hatchet.
Still, lingering doubts remained. Here at Manuscripts Burn, we decided to put this new-found spirit of friendship to the test, so we invited the two authors to take turns explaining what they liked and admired about each other. The results are printed below. Is the rivalry really over? Judge for yourself, as we ask Kit and Rich to explicate...
Five Things I Rate About You
Kit Power: Well, I think the first thing I’d have to say I rate about Rich is his intelligence. It was a genius move, deciding to put his book out the same day as mine, if you think about it. It made sure that my millions of fans worldwide would notice his book just by association. And inevitably, some of them would get curious to maybe check out his book too. That’s smart, isn’t it? I think so. Real smart.
Rich Hawkins: The first thing I rate about Kit is that he’s very gracious in defeat, as witnessed after I’d won the rap battle. It takes a great guy to admit he was comprehensively ‘out-rapped’ and, quite frankly, humiliated. But he took it on the chin. Yeah, a swell guy.
KP: You know, that reminds me of another great quality of Rich - his humility. I mean, he only won the rap battle by one vote, and he was just so gracious about it - in fact, it was almost like he hadn’t even noticed, like it was beneath him or something. I guess the fact that the battle was declared invalid by the UK Battle Rap governing body might have something to do with it. Still, bloody humble, amirite?
RH: Okay, putting aside the fact that Kit is such a good loser, the second thing I rate about him is that he’s so tenacious...like Scrappy Doo or SuperTed. (Note for our non-British audiences members: no one knows what that is.) I mean, he realises that he hasn’t much chance of winning against someone who’s pretty much nailed-on for a British Fantasy Award, but he still gives it his all. He’s like the sidekick to the superhero, and I’m Batman.
KP: Ah, there it is! See, that humility even extends to his BFSA nomination - I mean, sometimes, as long as 10 or even 15 minutes can go by in conversation without him mentioning it! I love that about him - like, if you only talked to him for 8 or 9 minutes, you might never know that his first novel was BFSA nominated, because he’s just that flippin’ humble. It’s really kind of inspiring. Like, he even waited for his second reply here before mentioning it! So very, very humble.
RH: Another thing about Kit is an ability to disguise his envy so well, despite it being so obvious that he’s mentioned my British Fantasy Award nomination more times than I ever have. Some might say he’s obsessed with it. I just think he’s a great bloke, and the rumours about him hanging around goat farms are completely untrue.
KP: One of Rich’s most impressive characteristics has to be his generosity. I mean, how many other authors do you know that would agree to donate a signed copy of his book to his ‘rival’? And yet, with our week one sales bet, that’s exactly what he’s done, given the inevitability of his defeat. That’s some high class generosity right there.
RH: I'm glad Kit picked up on my generosity - I’m just hoping that he’ll read THE LAST OUTPOST and it’ll have a positive effect on his own writing. Maybe it’ll inspire him. I’m always happy to help out writers who haven’t yet been included in any kind of prestigious award shortlist of an award that Stephen King once won. I’m just sharing the good vibes. That’s another thing I rate about him - his willingness to learn from writers who HAVE been nominated for an award. A real stand-up dude.
KP: Finally, I think I have to salute Rich’s courage. There’s a desperate bravery to the way he’s approached this whole rivalry - be it agreeing to a losing bet, cheating so badly at the battle rap that the governing body had to step in and declare the competition null and void, then bragging about the win anyway, or his brazen vote-grubbing in general - there’s a frantic, almost despairing energy to it that I can’t help but admire - a total commitment to leaving no tactic unplayed, no matter how underhand, to somehow prevent the inevitable. It’s a lot like the Dunkirk spirit, only without any of the nobility. Admirable stuff.
RH: A great thing about Kit is his ability to project his own, less savoury, characteristics onto others - it’s a remarkable talent and he should be applauded for it, especially when it’s projected towards a writer whose last novella went as high as 137,542 in the Amazon Kindle Horror Chart. But Kit’s a really great guy, despite his tendency towards envy and bitterness, so I forgive him. I’m very forgiving like that. I just hope that he manages to let go of my coattails and get some success that isn’t because of his association with me. But he’s a top man. Have I already said that? Yeah, a great bloke. Yeah, definitely.
Well, there you have it. GODBOMB! and THE LAST OUTPOST both launch on September 28th with a virtual launch party on Facebook. If the newfound ‘friendship’ continues this way, we at Manuscripts Burn suspect this is one virtual release party you won’t want to miss. The saga of Hawkins-Power is far from over...
About THE LAST OUTPOST:
The sequel to the British Fantasy Award-nominated novel, THE LAST PLAGUE, THE LAST OUTPOST continues to chronicle the events as a devastating epidemic reduces the UK to an infected wasteland.
Great Britain has fallen to the Plague and the war is lost. The few people left alive scavenge in the desolation of a ruined country. A lone man wanders the ravaged land, looting houses for food and hiding from the monstrous infected. Guilt-ridden for failing to save his family, there is nothing left for him but memories of the old world - until hope is whispered in a radio transmission promising safety and shelter from across the North Sea. He joins a group of desperate survivors and heads for the coast in search of transport and salvation. His last chance to make amends. But will they survive the journey, hunted by the infected and the desperate men who stalk the land? Will they find sanctuary at...THE LAST OUTPOST?
"One of the most intriguing post-apocalyptic novels I've read in a long time."
- David Moody, author of AUTUMN and DOG BLOOD
"A blistering and visceral read!"
- Daniel Marc Chant, author of BURNING HOUSE
"A new voice in infection fiction."
- Sean T. Page, UK Minister of Zombies
"Great debut!"
- Paul M. Feeney, Ginger Nuts of Horror
It's available now for preorder via Amazon US and Amazon UK.
About Rich Hawkins:
I'm Rich Hawkins, horror writer and loveable rascal. I was born in the wilds of Somerset, England. I've loved horror since I was a kid, when I first saw John Carpenter's "The Thing" and was immediately hooked. I've since moved to Salisbury, where I live with my wife and my pet dog. My first novel THE LAST PLAGUE is due for release in summer 2014. My literary influences are H.P. Lovecraft, Conrad Williams, Stephen King, Tim Curran, David Moody, Gary McMahon, Wayne Simmons, Adam Nevill, and Laird Barron. I know that's a lot of influences, but I need something to read while I wait for Cthulhu to rise up and enslave us all.
Find me on Twitter, Facebook, and my website.
About GODBOMB!:
Somebody wants answers.
North Devon, England. 1995. A born-again revival meeting in a public building. The usual mix of the faithful, the curious, and the desperate. And one other – an atheist suicide bomber. He's angry. He wants answers. And if God doesn't come and talk to him personally, he's going to kill everyone in the building...
It's available now for preorder via Amazon US and Amazon UK.
About Kit Power:
Kit Power lives in the UK and writes fiction that lurks at the boundaries of the horror, fantasy, and thriller genres, trying to bum a smoke or hitch a ride from the unwary.
In his secret alter ego of Kit Gonzo, he also performs as front man (and occasionally blogs) for death cult and popular beat combo The Disciples Of Gonzo.
You can find him on Facebook, Twitter, and his website.
It started so simply. Two indie authors plan to release their novels on the same date. No big deal. Happens all the time.
And then it got weird.
First, each author put out a press release accusing the other of stealing the launch date. Then, head of the genre mafia and owner of Ginger Nuts of Horror Jim McLeod ran the press releases, before angrily accusing both writers of an obvious and shallow publicity stunt.
Pictured: James "Big Jimmy Fingers" McLeodIn the comments section of that very article, both writers rejected the charges of a publicity stunt, and indeed ended up setting a wager: That at the end of the first week of sales, whoever had the lower Amazon sales ranking would need to present the winner with a signed copy of their book at FCon in October.Then Gef Fox put on his investigative journalism hat on over at his book blog ‘Wag The Fox’. He figured that a quick series of questions to both parties would soon flush out the truth.
That didn’t work out so well.
Gef Fox portraying the piano genius Shiney McShine in the movie "Shine."Following that little fiasco, things escalated further on Facebook, until a challenge was issued - a rap battle, hosted by legendary blogger THe GaL iN THe BLue MaSK, with the winner to be determined by public vote as each contestant's minions were to state unequivocally either #teampower or #teamhawkins. (I, like all right-minded people, declared myself #teamneither.) The rap battle went about as well as you might expect...
The GaL iN THe BLue MaSK (artist's conception)Kanly, it seemed, had been declared. Then, like the sudden passing of Shai-Hulud through the desert, peace broke out. Don Jimbo got back on his blog to demand a ceasefire. And both authors agreed to host a joint launch party on Facebook, to prove that they’d buried the hatchet.
Still, lingering doubts remained. Here at Manuscripts Burn, we decided to put this new-found spirit of friendship to the test, so we invited the two authors to take turns explaining what they liked and admired about each other. The results are printed below. Is the rivalry really over? Judge for yourself, as we ask Kit and Rich to explicate...
Five Things I Rate About You
Kit Power: Well, I think the first thing I’d have to say I rate about Rich is his intelligence. It was a genius move, deciding to put his book out the same day as mine, if you think about it. It made sure that my millions of fans worldwide would notice his book just by association. And inevitably, some of them would get curious to maybe check out his book too. That’s smart, isn’t it? I think so. Real smart.
Rich Hawkins: The first thing I rate about Kit is that he’s very gracious in defeat, as witnessed after I’d won the rap battle. It takes a great guy to admit he was comprehensively ‘out-rapped’ and, quite frankly, humiliated. But he took it on the chin. Yeah, a swell guy.
KP: You know, that reminds me of another great quality of Rich - his humility. I mean, he only won the rap battle by one vote, and he was just so gracious about it - in fact, it was almost like he hadn’t even noticed, like it was beneath him or something. I guess the fact that the battle was declared invalid by the UK Battle Rap governing body might have something to do with it. Still, bloody humble, amirite?
RH: Okay, putting aside the fact that Kit is such a good loser, the second thing I rate about him is that he’s so tenacious...like Scrappy Doo or SuperTed. (Note for our non-British audiences members: no one knows what that is.) I mean, he realises that he hasn’t much chance of winning against someone who’s pretty much nailed-on for a British Fantasy Award, but he still gives it his all. He’s like the sidekick to the superhero, and I’m Batman.
KP: Ah, there it is! See, that humility even extends to his BFSA nomination - I mean, sometimes, as long as 10 or even 15 minutes can go by in conversation without him mentioning it! I love that about him - like, if you only talked to him for 8 or 9 minutes, you might never know that his first novel was BFSA nominated, because he’s just that flippin’ humble. It’s really kind of inspiring. Like, he even waited for his second reply here before mentioning it! So very, very humble.
RH: Another thing about Kit is an ability to disguise his envy so well, despite it being so obvious that he’s mentioned my British Fantasy Award nomination more times than I ever have. Some might say he’s obsessed with it. I just think he’s a great bloke, and the rumours about him hanging around goat farms are completely untrue.
KP: One of Rich’s most impressive characteristics has to be his generosity. I mean, how many other authors do you know that would agree to donate a signed copy of his book to his ‘rival’? And yet, with our week one sales bet, that’s exactly what he’s done, given the inevitability of his defeat. That’s some high class generosity right there.
RH: I'm glad Kit picked up on my generosity - I’m just hoping that he’ll read THE LAST OUTPOST and it’ll have a positive effect on his own writing. Maybe it’ll inspire him. I’m always happy to help out writers who haven’t yet been included in any kind of prestigious award shortlist of an award that Stephen King once won. I’m just sharing the good vibes. That’s another thing I rate about him - his willingness to learn from writers who HAVE been nominated for an award. A real stand-up dude.
KP: Finally, I think I have to salute Rich’s courage. There’s a desperate bravery to the way he’s approached this whole rivalry - be it agreeing to a losing bet, cheating so badly at the battle rap that the governing body had to step in and declare the competition null and void, then bragging about the win anyway, or his brazen vote-grubbing in general - there’s a frantic, almost despairing energy to it that I can’t help but admire - a total commitment to leaving no tactic unplayed, no matter how underhand, to somehow prevent the inevitable. It’s a lot like the Dunkirk spirit, only without any of the nobility. Admirable stuff.
RH: A great thing about Kit is his ability to project his own, less savoury, characteristics onto others - it’s a remarkable talent and he should be applauded for it, especially when it’s projected towards a writer whose last novella went as high as 137,542 in the Amazon Kindle Horror Chart. But Kit’s a really great guy, despite his tendency towards envy and bitterness, so I forgive him. I’m very forgiving like that. I just hope that he manages to let go of my coattails and get some success that isn’t because of his association with me. But he’s a top man. Have I already said that? Yeah, a great bloke. Yeah, definitely.
Well, there you have it. GODBOMB! and THE LAST OUTPOST both launch on September 28th with a virtual launch party on Facebook. If the newfound ‘friendship’ continues this way, we at Manuscripts Burn suspect this is one virtual release party you won’t want to miss. The saga of Hawkins-Power is far from over...
About THE LAST OUTPOST:
The sequel to the British Fantasy Award-nominated novel, THE LAST PLAGUE, THE LAST OUTPOST continues to chronicle the events as a devastating epidemic reduces the UK to an infected wasteland.
Great Britain has fallen to the Plague and the war is lost. The few people left alive scavenge in the desolation of a ruined country. A lone man wanders the ravaged land, looting houses for food and hiding from the monstrous infected. Guilt-ridden for failing to save his family, there is nothing left for him but memories of the old world - until hope is whispered in a radio transmission promising safety and shelter from across the North Sea. He joins a group of desperate survivors and heads for the coast in search of transport and salvation. His last chance to make amends. But will they survive the journey, hunted by the infected and the desperate men who stalk the land? Will they find sanctuary at...THE LAST OUTPOST?
"One of the most intriguing post-apocalyptic novels I've read in a long time."
- David Moody, author of AUTUMN and DOG BLOOD
"A blistering and visceral read!"
- Daniel Marc Chant, author of BURNING HOUSE
"A new voice in infection fiction."
- Sean T. Page, UK Minister of Zombies
"Great debut!"
- Paul M. Feeney, Ginger Nuts of Horror
It's available now for preorder via Amazon US and Amazon UK.
About Rich Hawkins:
I'm Rich Hawkins, horror writer and loveable rascal. I was born in the wilds of Somerset, England. I've loved horror since I was a kid, when I first saw John Carpenter's "The Thing" and was immediately hooked. I've since moved to Salisbury, where I live with my wife and my pet dog. My first novel THE LAST PLAGUE is due for release in summer 2014. My literary influences are H.P. Lovecraft, Conrad Williams, Stephen King, Tim Curran, David Moody, Gary McMahon, Wayne Simmons, Adam Nevill, and Laird Barron. I know that's a lot of influences, but I need something to read while I wait for Cthulhu to rise up and enslave us all.
Find me on Twitter, Facebook, and my website.
About GODBOMB!:
Somebody wants answers.
North Devon, England. 1995. A born-again revival meeting in a public building. The usual mix of the faithful, the curious, and the desperate. And one other – an atheist suicide bomber. He's angry. He wants answers. And if God doesn't come and talk to him personally, he's going to kill everyone in the building...
It's available now for preorder via Amazon US and Amazon UK.
About Kit Power:
Kit Power lives in the UK and writes fiction that lurks at the boundaries of the horror, fantasy, and thriller genres, trying to bum a smoke or hitch a ride from the unwary.
In his secret alter ego of Kit Gonzo, he also performs as front man (and occasionally blogs) for death cult and popular beat combo The Disciples Of Gonzo.
You can find him on Facebook, Twitter, and his website.
