Stephen Kozeniewski's Blog, page 53
December 23, 2015
The Quintessential EVERY KINGDOM DIVIDED Post
EVERY KINGDOM DIVIDED is now available in e-book and paperback formats through the following fine booksellers:
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
Smashwords
Kobo
Here are the other places around the net where you can find EKD:
Evolution of the cover on Across the Board
A cover reveal on Manuscripts Burn
A release announcement on SFFWorld
December 21, 2015
December 18, 2015
Cover Reveal: MIRANDA'S RIGHTS by Lily Luchesi
As you know, we here at Manuscripts Burn are big supporters of indie author Lily Luchesi. And for some unclear reason Lily doesn't downplay her relationship with us (as one would expect would be best for her career.) So it is with great pleasure that we reveal the cover of her upcoming novel:
About MIRANDA'S RIGHTS:
The dead don’t always rest easy...
Retired detective Danny Mancini is haunted by nightmares after he found out that paranormal creatures exist. All he wants is to forget them…especially a certain half-vampire. When cursed werewolves show up trying to kill him, he is forced to go back to the Paranormal Investigative Division for help against a powerful old enemy. What he was not expecting was a dead ex showing back up after twenty-six years.
Coming on January 8th, 2016 from Vamptasy Publishing
Cover art by Rue Volley
About Lily Luchesi:
Lily Luchesi is a young author/poet born in Chicago, Illinois, now residing in Los Angeles, California. Ever since she was a toddler her mother noticed her tendency for being interested in all things "dark". At two she became infatuated with vampires and ghosts, and that infatuation turned into a lifestyle by the time she was twelve, and, as her family has always been what they now call "Gothic", she doesn't believe she shall ever change. She is also a hopeless romantic and avid music-lover who will always associate vampires with love, blood, and rock and roll.
Her interest in poetry came around the same time as when she was given a book of Edgar Allan Poe's complete work. She then realized that she had been writing her own poetry since she could hold a pen, and just had not known the correct terms. She finished her first manuscript at the age of fourteen, and now, at twenty-one, has two contributing credits in anthologies and her debut novel, STAKE-OUT (Paranormal Detectives Series Book One), was published by Vamptasy Publishing on May 19th, 2015. Book two, MIRANDA'S RIGHTS, will be released on January 8th, 2016.
She has a short story, "Undead Ever After" in the Crushing Hearts and Black Butterfly anthology LOVE SUCKS (released on June 13th, 2015). Her first erotic short story, "Have No Fears", was published in the Hot Ink Press anthology NAUGHTY BEDTIME STORIES: IN THREE WORDS on October 10th. She will also have a short erotic horror story, "The Devil's Dozen", in the upcoming Hot Ink Press anthology DEATH, LOVE, LUST which will be released in February of 2016.
You can find Lily on her website, Amazon, Twitter, her business Facebook, her personal Facebook, Instagram, and Goodreads.
About MIRANDA'S RIGHTS:
The dead don’t always rest easy...
Retired detective Danny Mancini is haunted by nightmares after he found out that paranormal creatures exist. All he wants is to forget them…especially a certain half-vampire. When cursed werewolves show up trying to kill him, he is forced to go back to the Paranormal Investigative Division for help against a powerful old enemy. What he was not expecting was a dead ex showing back up after twenty-six years.
Coming on January 8th, 2016 from Vamptasy Publishing
Cover art by Rue Volley
About Lily Luchesi:
Lily Luchesi is a young author/poet born in Chicago, Illinois, now residing in Los Angeles, California. Ever since she was a toddler her mother noticed her tendency for being interested in all things "dark". At two she became infatuated with vampires and ghosts, and that infatuation turned into a lifestyle by the time she was twelve, and, as her family has always been what they now call "Gothic", she doesn't believe she shall ever change. She is also a hopeless romantic and avid music-lover who will always associate vampires with love, blood, and rock and roll.
Her interest in poetry came around the same time as when she was given a book of Edgar Allan Poe's complete work. She then realized that she had been writing her own poetry since she could hold a pen, and just had not known the correct terms. She finished her first manuscript at the age of fourteen, and now, at twenty-one, has two contributing credits in anthologies and her debut novel, STAKE-OUT (Paranormal Detectives Series Book One), was published by Vamptasy Publishing on May 19th, 2015. Book two, MIRANDA'S RIGHTS, will be released on January 8th, 2016.
She has a short story, "Undead Ever After" in the Crushing Hearts and Black Butterfly anthology LOVE SUCKS (released on June 13th, 2015). Her first erotic short story, "Have No Fears", was published in the Hot Ink Press anthology NAUGHTY BEDTIME STORIES: IN THREE WORDS on October 10th. She will also have a short erotic horror story, "The Devil's Dozen", in the upcoming Hot Ink Press anthology DEATH, LOVE, LUST which will be released in February of 2016.
You can find Lily on her website, Amazon, Twitter, her business Facebook, her personal Facebook, Instagram, and Goodreads.
December 16, 2015
December 14, 2015
Holiday Gift-Giving Guide #4: BRAVE NEW GIRLS
Best for:
- girls in grades 5-10
- science fiction fans
- fans of math
- fans of science
- fans of computers
Available now at Amazon!
December 11, 2015
Holiday Gift-Giving Guide #3: THE GHOUL ARCHIPELAGO
Best for:
- horror fans
- Walking Dead fans
- Russian literature fans
- classical literature fans
Available now at Amazon!
December 9, 2015
December 7, 2015
December 4, 2015
Seven Things You Won't BELIEVE This Blogger Doesn't Use Facebook For
For those of you who don't know me IRL...or even IFL, I guess...I am unabashedly addicted to Facebook. I know not everybody is, and a lot of people who are actively deny it, but I don't see the point. I love TV and I love Facebook, and I'm under no illusions about the value of either, but I'm not going to pretend like I don't love them, either.
That being said, people misuse Facebook all the time. Because as useful as it can be - as a distraction on the john, for crowdsourcing answers, even for keeping in touch with people - Facebook lends itself to rampant misuse by people who lack either manners or, at a minimum, shame. So here are some of the worst abuses of Facebook which you need to stop doing immediately.
1. Talking About Your Miscarriage
Or your divorce. Or your domestic abuse situation. I'm not saying "be a quiet victim" or anything even remotely like that. I'm saying if this is something you would normally share with the cops, or your doctor, or only your spouse and closest family members, why the fuck are you sharing it with your plumber and that co-worker from three jobs ago? I mean, Facebook? Really? You want to share your most traumatic life experiences with 900 of your closest friends and spambots? Why? For sympathy? Mostly it just seems awkward. Should I "like" the fact that you miscarried? Comment on it if I barely know you? Or, even worse, comment on it if we're close friends instead of calling or going over to your house with a casserole or something? And if we are close enough friends that you want me to know about your horrible trauma, why did I find out about it on Facebook instead of via a more personal method in the first place?
2. Talking About Politics
Aside from your basic "don't talk about religion or politics at a dinner party" advice, there are two reasons why I particularly despise political "debate" on Facebook. First of all, politics are complex, which is why on the rare occasions when I do want the public at large to know my political thoughts for God knows what reason, I usually use my blog. In a blog article you can cover some of the nuance of a subject. Facebook is good only for the crassest form of bumper sticker politics. Second, the sorts of political conversations that FB posts engender are pointless at best and terrible most of the time. For one thing, your friends probably mostly agree with you. Remember, we're self-selecting our friends on FB, although even when we're not, most of our real-life friends are people who grew up in a similar place and environment to us. Most of my friends are from suburban Philadelphia. Sure, I've got some army buddies who come from rural Alabama, but for the most part my own wall, where I'm posting my theoretical political posts, is home turf. So you end up with these "conversations" that are basically 500 people agreeing with you, shaking their heads, and clucking their tongues. And if you're "lucky" one of your friends from outside the zone will jump in and attempt to defend a different point of view. Then they either turn into a flame bot or get bullied into shutting up by your friends who do agree with you. Facebook is not a germane place for adult political conversation. It's just not.
3. Talking about God
Again, most of our discussions of politics and religion are best saved for face-to-face and should be excluded from polite discourse whenever possible. But that being said, the religious (and, let's be frank, irreligious) stuff on Facebook is just terrible. And why are you posting about all this stuff in public anyway? To show off? To look like a great person in front of your co-religionists? I know there are many faiths and many people of faith (and atheists) guilty of this, but I'll leave you all to contemplate the fairly universal wisdom of Matthew 6:5-6:
And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.
4. Mentioning That You Went to the Gym
Or, worse, describing your workout. Nobody cares. Gym rats are unimpressed. And you're just making non-gym rats feel bad. Do you think you're inspiring people to go work out? You're not. You're making them feel bad. If you want to inspire people to exercise, why not say something like, "It's a beautiful day so I'm going running. Anybody want to join me?" I mean, that's ham-fisted enough. But saying, "I just did fifty burpees" (and, yes, it's always burpees because these sorts of people invariably think burpees are impressive) benefits no one.
5. Posting Memes
I hate memes. They're stupid and gaudy. They're like bumper stickers. I guess they're slightly superior to bumper stickers because they don't fuck up your car's resale value. Still, I wish memes had never been invented.
6. Posting Pictures of Your Food
First of all, this is what Instagram is for. But second of all: don't do it on Instagram either. Nobody cares what you're eating. You know how that gym rat in #4 refrained from posting his workout regimen for you, fatbody? Refrain posting your disgusting fat-soaked meal for him, okay?
7. Posting GIFs
Whether you pronounce them "gif" or "jif" the fact remains: fuck you. I don't want to get epilepsy from looking at my Facebook feed. Static images, people. Static images. And if I see a video that sounds interesting, I will click on it and watch it. GIFs are like the bastard child of a migraine and a video loop.
What about you? What do you despise? Listicles? People opining about Facebook? Make sure to subscribe and then let me know in the comments below!
That being said, people misuse Facebook all the time. Because as useful as it can be - as a distraction on the john, for crowdsourcing answers, even for keeping in touch with people - Facebook lends itself to rampant misuse by people who lack either manners or, at a minimum, shame. So here are some of the worst abuses of Facebook which you need to stop doing immediately.
1. Talking About Your Miscarriage
Or your divorce. Or your domestic abuse situation. I'm not saying "be a quiet victim" or anything even remotely like that. I'm saying if this is something you would normally share with the cops, or your doctor, or only your spouse and closest family members, why the fuck are you sharing it with your plumber and that co-worker from three jobs ago? I mean, Facebook? Really? You want to share your most traumatic life experiences with 900 of your closest friends and spambots? Why? For sympathy? Mostly it just seems awkward. Should I "like" the fact that you miscarried? Comment on it if I barely know you? Or, even worse, comment on it if we're close friends instead of calling or going over to your house with a casserole or something? And if we are close enough friends that you want me to know about your horrible trauma, why did I find out about it on Facebook instead of via a more personal method in the first place?
2. Talking About Politics
Aside from your basic "don't talk about religion or politics at a dinner party" advice, there are two reasons why I particularly despise political "debate" on Facebook. First of all, politics are complex, which is why on the rare occasions when I do want the public at large to know my political thoughts for God knows what reason, I usually use my blog. In a blog article you can cover some of the nuance of a subject. Facebook is good only for the crassest form of bumper sticker politics. Second, the sorts of political conversations that FB posts engender are pointless at best and terrible most of the time. For one thing, your friends probably mostly agree with you. Remember, we're self-selecting our friends on FB, although even when we're not, most of our real-life friends are people who grew up in a similar place and environment to us. Most of my friends are from suburban Philadelphia. Sure, I've got some army buddies who come from rural Alabama, but for the most part my own wall, where I'm posting my theoretical political posts, is home turf. So you end up with these "conversations" that are basically 500 people agreeing with you, shaking their heads, and clucking their tongues. And if you're "lucky" one of your friends from outside the zone will jump in and attempt to defend a different point of view. Then they either turn into a flame bot or get bullied into shutting up by your friends who do agree with you. Facebook is not a germane place for adult political conversation. It's just not.
3. Talking about God
Again, most of our discussions of politics and religion are best saved for face-to-face and should be excluded from polite discourse whenever possible. But that being said, the religious (and, let's be frank, irreligious) stuff on Facebook is just terrible. And why are you posting about all this stuff in public anyway? To show off? To look like a great person in front of your co-religionists? I know there are many faiths and many people of faith (and atheists) guilty of this, but I'll leave you all to contemplate the fairly universal wisdom of Matthew 6:5-6:
And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.
4. Mentioning That You Went to the Gym
Or, worse, describing your workout. Nobody cares. Gym rats are unimpressed. And you're just making non-gym rats feel bad. Do you think you're inspiring people to go work out? You're not. You're making them feel bad. If you want to inspire people to exercise, why not say something like, "It's a beautiful day so I'm going running. Anybody want to join me?" I mean, that's ham-fisted enough. But saying, "I just did fifty burpees" (and, yes, it's always burpees because these sorts of people invariably think burpees are impressive) benefits no one.
5. Posting Memes
I hate memes. They're stupid and gaudy. They're like bumper stickers. I guess they're slightly superior to bumper stickers because they don't fuck up your car's resale value. Still, I wish memes had never been invented.
6. Posting Pictures of Your Food
First of all, this is what Instagram is for. But second of all: don't do it on Instagram either. Nobody cares what you're eating. You know how that gym rat in #4 refrained from posting his workout regimen for you, fatbody? Refrain posting your disgusting fat-soaked meal for him, okay?
7. Posting GIFs
Whether you pronounce them "gif" or "jif" the fact remains: fuck you. I don't want to get epilepsy from looking at my Facebook feed. Static images, people. Static images. And if I see a video that sounds interesting, I will click on it and watch it. GIFs are like the bastard child of a migraine and a video loop.
What about you? What do you despise? Listicles? People opining about Facebook? Make sure to subscribe and then let me know in the comments below!
December 2, 2015
Ho Fucking Ho
It's around this time of year (and by "this time of year" I mean late November/early December) that I start to get accused of being a "Grinch" or a "Scrooge" or even (in a level of hyperbole that makes me sound like an '80s children's cartoon villain) that I'm "allergic to joy." So, I figure, what the fuck, I might as well talk about it on my blog where I can make my point and you can tell me how wrong I am in the comments.
So when I was a kid, Christmas was one day. December 25th. Not only was it only one day, but it was the most special, magical day of the year. Christmas was so special, in fact, that the day before was so riddled with anticipation that it was a special day, too: Christmas Eve. Imagine that: a day so special, so noteworthy, that just the fact that you were almost there was worth celebrating.
As long as we're talking about the way things were way back in the 1900s, "Black Friday" was almost exclusively a technical term that people in retail used. It was the day you either got out of the red and into the black (accounting terms for being in debt vs. drawing a profit) or else you were fucked and your business would probably shutter. Sure, it was the de facto biggest shopping day of the year, but that was more a matter of nobody ever thought about Christmas until Thanksgiving was over, and then since you probably had Black Friday off anyway...you started your Christmas shopping.
And thirdly, this may be almost impossible to believe now, but if you didn't celebrate Christmas...it was no big deal. I remember I couldn't have been older than five or six and I had already begun to understand that since Christmas was a Christian holiday, not everybody celebrated it. I asked my mother how to handle that, and I remember her saying, "Well, if you're with your family like Uncle Ken or your grandmother, you know we're Christians, so it's okay to say 'Merry Christmas.' And if you're not, you can wait and see if they say 'Merry Christmas' to you and then you can say it back. Or if you're not sure, just say, 'Happy Holidays' because that includes everybody."
Sounds like some pretty sane goddamn advice, huh?
I used to love Christmas. When I was little, sure, I got excited to the point of pissing my pants about what kind of new toys I would get. And every Christmas morning was just this astonishing time when it felt like you were set for a whole year or longer. If there was going to be a new video game system, it was going to come to you at Christmas, and that was just years and years of play. If there was going to be a new bike, or a new movie or just about anything that would be awesome and last forever, it was going to come at Christmas. Birthdays were nice, and sometimes you got nice things, but they were never as nice as what you got a Christmas. Birthdays were something to get excited about a few weeks ahead of time. Christmas was something to be excited about all year.
And when I got older, Christmas became a time of deep religious reflection for me. Easter is, I know, the holiest day of the year, and if you spend all of Holy Week in reflection it can be deeply satisfying when Easter finally comes. But Christmas was different, I think because of where it fell on the calendar. Christmas is and always has been a time to forget about the grim bleakness of winter and for one shining day come together with friends and family and cast out the dark. The religious component of Christmas was similar to me. You know that one shining star, the Star of Bethlehem, that stands out in the night sky? That's what Christmas was like.
And of course, as Will Ferrell pointed out somewhat idiotically in "The Legend of Ricky Bobby," everybody loves Baby Jesus. Baby Jesus is full of potential. Nailed-to-the-Cross Jesus, well, that's pretty much just a reminder of our collective shame. Perhaps what was unusual about Christmas, at least to a practicing Catholic, is that a religion which usually acted as a yoke, a reminder of all the guilt we bore, and all the guilt we should bear for all the shit we're constantly getting wrong and that Jesus had to get crucified for, for fuck's sake, but on Christmas that same religion was a source of joy and wonder. Easter is about glory, but Christmas is about joy.
Now, I'm not going to blog about sea changes in American religious/political life and that sort of thing. I'm not even remotely qualified to talk about that. And neither am I going to talk about losing my faith. Even for the utterly faithless, spending a nice day exchanging gifts with your friends and loved ones is enjoyable. I couldn't tell you what caused it, but I can damn well tell you that during the last 25 years, shit has changed. All of a sudden, Christmas isn't one day. Christmas is two goddamned months. As soon as Halloween is over, suddenly storefronts are all Santafied and the radio stations start flipping, one by one, zombie-like, to non-stop Christmas music.
Suddenly, shopping is a quasi-religious, quasi-patriotic duty. If you're not constantly spending money on Christmas gifts and Christmas decorations from November 1 to December 24, you're a Bad American and a Terrible Christian. Black Friday is no longer black because that's the kind of ink you used to indicate a profit in the ledgers - Black Friday is black because of the dark, perverse imp that makes people trample one another for a slightly reduced plasma screen TV.
Think about that. In other countries, they riot for water, for bread, for democracy. In America we riot for the chance to buy shit cheaply.
Now Black Friday is encroaching on Thanksgiving, and that's barely even a holiday anymore, except as a prelude to Christmas. Christmas Christmas Christmas. It's non-stop fucking Christmas. My special little holiday when I could laugh with my family and even feel close to God has become an abhorrent, corporatized bacchanal.
Not a lot of people argue that Christmas has become too commercialized. This was a worry of the pilgrims four hundred fucking years ago. And in a culture that values capitalism and worships the almighty dollar to the exclusion of practically everything else, not loving the commercialized version of Christmas is tantamount to treason.
So, worse than even being commercialized, now Christmas is politicized. Again, I could write whole blogposts, whole books, really, about the Christian churches in this country becoming wholly owned subsidiaries of the Republican Party, but let us suffice it to say that I could stand to never hear the ridiculous fucking term "War on Christmas" again. Guess what? You don't need gaudy mangers in front of every courthouse and for every clerk in the country to wish you a "Merry Christmas" to "win" Christmas. In fact, the whole idea of "winning" Christmas is so utterly repellant, so antithetical to the point of a religious, family-centered...
Sigh. But I digress.
The Starbucks cup thing? Yeah, I know. That was intensely stupid, and as far as anyone can tell there was one guy in America who was offended by it, and made an angry YouTube video about it, and that's about where the outrage began and ended. But how much of my fucking life was taken up by this stupid, non-scandal? How much of my life every year is taken up by stupid non-scandals? How come now people are belligerent about saying "Merry Christmas," like they're somehow rubbing it in your face that they're Christians with a capital "C?" How come "Happy Holidays," which was supposed to be a polite, benign greeting for the public, non-religious sphere, is treated by some people as though I'm saying "Fuck you" to them?
You know what, I don't want to hear about Christmas when I go to the hardware store on December 5. I don't want to hear about it, I don't want to think about it, and I certainly don't want someone to belligerently shout it in my face. In case you don't get it: spending two months insisting that it's the "Christmas season" is belligerent. It's not kind or folksy or welcoming. In fact, it's the exact opposite of all that. If it was December 25, or, hell, I'm not that picky, December 23, and somebody on the street said, "Merry Christmas" to me I'd smile and say it back. Because that's when Christmas is!
Now we have congress insisting that they can't work the whole month of December because religious liberty. That's not religious liberty, that's being an asshole. That's trying to take three weeks off for a one-day religious holiday. I mean, shit, I might understand trying to take a month off if it was Ramadan, which is an actual month-long celebration, but there aren't any asshole Muslims out there constantly shouting "Happy Ramadan!" in my face and bemoaning the "War on Ramadan" every year. You know why? Because they keep their religious feelings to their goddamn selves. And hell, could you imagine the outcry from those same Christmas-pushing lunatics if American Muslims actually did try to start pushing Ramadan like that? Oh my God, it would be off the rails.
So, yeah. I'm not a "Grinch." I'm not a "Scrooge." I'm happy to celebrate Christmas with my family on December 25, and even a few days before. But now that we've commercialized, politicized, and bastardized it into this leering, months-long nightmare of enforced joy and constantly shouting about what bad Americans anyone who doesn't want to spend two months celebrating a simple, religious holiday are, I kind of hate it.
So when I was a kid, Christmas was one day. December 25th. Not only was it only one day, but it was the most special, magical day of the year. Christmas was so special, in fact, that the day before was so riddled with anticipation that it was a special day, too: Christmas Eve. Imagine that: a day so special, so noteworthy, that just the fact that you were almost there was worth celebrating.
As long as we're talking about the way things were way back in the 1900s, "Black Friday" was almost exclusively a technical term that people in retail used. It was the day you either got out of the red and into the black (accounting terms for being in debt vs. drawing a profit) or else you were fucked and your business would probably shutter. Sure, it was the de facto biggest shopping day of the year, but that was more a matter of nobody ever thought about Christmas until Thanksgiving was over, and then since you probably had Black Friday off anyway...you started your Christmas shopping.
And thirdly, this may be almost impossible to believe now, but if you didn't celebrate Christmas...it was no big deal. I remember I couldn't have been older than five or six and I had already begun to understand that since Christmas was a Christian holiday, not everybody celebrated it. I asked my mother how to handle that, and I remember her saying, "Well, if you're with your family like Uncle Ken or your grandmother, you know we're Christians, so it's okay to say 'Merry Christmas.' And if you're not, you can wait and see if they say 'Merry Christmas' to you and then you can say it back. Or if you're not sure, just say, 'Happy Holidays' because that includes everybody."
Sounds like some pretty sane goddamn advice, huh?
I used to love Christmas. When I was little, sure, I got excited to the point of pissing my pants about what kind of new toys I would get. And every Christmas morning was just this astonishing time when it felt like you were set for a whole year or longer. If there was going to be a new video game system, it was going to come to you at Christmas, and that was just years and years of play. If there was going to be a new bike, or a new movie or just about anything that would be awesome and last forever, it was going to come at Christmas. Birthdays were nice, and sometimes you got nice things, but they were never as nice as what you got a Christmas. Birthdays were something to get excited about a few weeks ahead of time. Christmas was something to be excited about all year.
And when I got older, Christmas became a time of deep religious reflection for me. Easter is, I know, the holiest day of the year, and if you spend all of Holy Week in reflection it can be deeply satisfying when Easter finally comes. But Christmas was different, I think because of where it fell on the calendar. Christmas is and always has been a time to forget about the grim bleakness of winter and for one shining day come together with friends and family and cast out the dark. The religious component of Christmas was similar to me. You know that one shining star, the Star of Bethlehem, that stands out in the night sky? That's what Christmas was like.
And of course, as Will Ferrell pointed out somewhat idiotically in "The Legend of Ricky Bobby," everybody loves Baby Jesus. Baby Jesus is full of potential. Nailed-to-the-Cross Jesus, well, that's pretty much just a reminder of our collective shame. Perhaps what was unusual about Christmas, at least to a practicing Catholic, is that a religion which usually acted as a yoke, a reminder of all the guilt we bore, and all the guilt we should bear for all the shit we're constantly getting wrong and that Jesus had to get crucified for, for fuck's sake, but on Christmas that same religion was a source of joy and wonder. Easter is about glory, but Christmas is about joy.
Now, I'm not going to blog about sea changes in American religious/political life and that sort of thing. I'm not even remotely qualified to talk about that. And neither am I going to talk about losing my faith. Even for the utterly faithless, spending a nice day exchanging gifts with your friends and loved ones is enjoyable. I couldn't tell you what caused it, but I can damn well tell you that during the last 25 years, shit has changed. All of a sudden, Christmas isn't one day. Christmas is two goddamned months. As soon as Halloween is over, suddenly storefronts are all Santafied and the radio stations start flipping, one by one, zombie-like, to non-stop Christmas music.
Suddenly, shopping is a quasi-religious, quasi-patriotic duty. If you're not constantly spending money on Christmas gifts and Christmas decorations from November 1 to December 24, you're a Bad American and a Terrible Christian. Black Friday is no longer black because that's the kind of ink you used to indicate a profit in the ledgers - Black Friday is black because of the dark, perverse imp that makes people trample one another for a slightly reduced plasma screen TV.
Think about that. In other countries, they riot for water, for bread, for democracy. In America we riot for the chance to buy shit cheaply.
Now Black Friday is encroaching on Thanksgiving, and that's barely even a holiday anymore, except as a prelude to Christmas. Christmas Christmas Christmas. It's non-stop fucking Christmas. My special little holiday when I could laugh with my family and even feel close to God has become an abhorrent, corporatized bacchanal.
Not a lot of people argue that Christmas has become too commercialized. This was a worry of the pilgrims four hundred fucking years ago. And in a culture that values capitalism and worships the almighty dollar to the exclusion of practically everything else, not loving the commercialized version of Christmas is tantamount to treason.
So, worse than even being commercialized, now Christmas is politicized. Again, I could write whole blogposts, whole books, really, about the Christian churches in this country becoming wholly owned subsidiaries of the Republican Party, but let us suffice it to say that I could stand to never hear the ridiculous fucking term "War on Christmas" again. Guess what? You don't need gaudy mangers in front of every courthouse and for every clerk in the country to wish you a "Merry Christmas" to "win" Christmas. In fact, the whole idea of "winning" Christmas is so utterly repellant, so antithetical to the point of a religious, family-centered...
Sigh. But I digress.
The Starbucks cup thing? Yeah, I know. That was intensely stupid, and as far as anyone can tell there was one guy in America who was offended by it, and made an angry YouTube video about it, and that's about where the outrage began and ended. But how much of my fucking life was taken up by this stupid, non-scandal? How much of my life every year is taken up by stupid non-scandals? How come now people are belligerent about saying "Merry Christmas," like they're somehow rubbing it in your face that they're Christians with a capital "C?" How come "Happy Holidays," which was supposed to be a polite, benign greeting for the public, non-religious sphere, is treated by some people as though I'm saying "Fuck you" to them?
You know what, I don't want to hear about Christmas when I go to the hardware store on December 5. I don't want to hear about it, I don't want to think about it, and I certainly don't want someone to belligerently shout it in my face. In case you don't get it: spending two months insisting that it's the "Christmas season" is belligerent. It's not kind or folksy or welcoming. In fact, it's the exact opposite of all that. If it was December 25, or, hell, I'm not that picky, December 23, and somebody on the street said, "Merry Christmas" to me I'd smile and say it back. Because that's when Christmas is!
Now we have congress insisting that they can't work the whole month of December because religious liberty. That's not religious liberty, that's being an asshole. That's trying to take three weeks off for a one-day religious holiday. I mean, shit, I might understand trying to take a month off if it was Ramadan, which is an actual month-long celebration, but there aren't any asshole Muslims out there constantly shouting "Happy Ramadan!" in my face and bemoaning the "War on Ramadan" every year. You know why? Because they keep their religious feelings to their goddamn selves. And hell, could you imagine the outcry from those same Christmas-pushing lunatics if American Muslims actually did try to start pushing Ramadan like that? Oh my God, it would be off the rails.
So, yeah. I'm not a "Grinch." I'm not a "Scrooge." I'm happy to celebrate Christmas with my family on December 25, and even a few days before. But now that we've commercialized, politicized, and bastardized it into this leering, months-long nightmare of enforced joy and constantly shouting about what bad Americans anyone who doesn't want to spend two months celebrating a simple, religious holiday are, I kind of hate it.
