Stephen Kozeniewski's Blog, page 35
January 10, 2018
Making the Sausage: Bookkeeping
I know it's gauche to talk about how much money you make, but for the purposes of the first Making the Sausage post of 2018, I'm going to give you, my beloved fans, a glimpse behind the curtain and tell you what I made in 2017:
$4.94
Nope, that's not a misprint, joke, error, exaggeration, or any other way you might like to dismiss that number. Now, no one is currently in arrears, but I haven't received payment for December from one of my publishers yet, so this number will go up slightly. My absolutely honest prediction is that that $4.94 will go up to about $50 or $60 when that last payment comes in. So I'm not showing you a clever fluke of timing or anything, either.
Five bucks. No sleight of hand. I made five bucks writing in 2017. And you know what? I'm not only happy about that, I'm pretty ecstatic. Obviously, I'm more excited about the symbolic value of that $5 than the latte I may buy with it later, but this is still a major milestone for me. See, for the past four years I've actually lost money at my writing career.
You might be wondering how that's even possible, especially if you're not a writer or are new to the game yourself. Well, first of all, it's not only possible, it's probable. Most writers do not make a profit off their writing. Writers who write full time for a living are so rare that in the field we call them "unicorns." I don't know the exact figures, but I'd venture to say that even if you disregard every grandpa with a funny story and a "publish" button on Amazon, and you just look at the people legitimately trying to make a career at writing, probably 95-99% of them have day jobs. And of those 1-5% of working writers who are making a living, most of them are making their bucks with ghostwriting, technical writing, editing, and journalism. In other words: work for hire. Very, very few people are writing what they want and making a living at it.
So, understanding that I'm not a unicorn, how did it take me five years to make my first five bucks?
First of all, being as this is a Making the Sausage post, let me tell you how I keep my books. I use an Excel spreadsheet and for each book I publish create two charts: one for cost outlay and one for profit. Here for instance is my 2017 chart for THE GHOUL ARCHIPELAGO:
So, on the left is where you're going to put things like shipping, ordering author copies of books, travel expenses, and if you're a self-publisher, costs for things like covers, editing, audiobook engineering, and the like. On the right is your profits from events and, if you like to break it down by book, your monthly sales.
Now, I picked this particular chart because it's a good example of two things. First, you can see how I'm normally losing money. I'm selling 1-3 of each book at an event, so at a good event I'm selling maybe 20 books. That's not necessarily even going to cover the table cost for most events.
Second, you can see how in this business I'm essentially gambling on myself. I bought 20 author copies of TGA, because I'm hoping that eventually I'll be able to sell those at events. You can see my unit cost is about $8.05, and I usually sell books for $10 (but sometimes $12.) So I'll have to sell 16 books before I've even broken even on that initial purchase. Even if everything goes perfectly, I only stand to make $40 of profit by selling that entire lot of TGAs. And I only sold 7 this year.
Now, the obvious question is: why don't I just sell my books for more money? Say, $20 and double my profit? Yeah, well, first of all, I don't see anybody shelling out $20 for an unknown author's work. But second of all, I don't want to gouge my fans. And third and perhaps most important of all, I'm not worried about short-term profit right now. I'm worried about building my fanbase so that I can stand to make profit in the long term. I'd rather take a bath on a $10 TGA today, and possibly find a fan who will go back and buy my entire backlist. If I do that, then I've made $70 in the long run. But also the value of a new fan can't be measured in money.
So, to close out the Making the Sausage portion of the post, if you do this for each of your novels, and use Excel's handy-dandy adding formulas, you can show how much you're spending and how much you're making for a year.
Now, you've probably already figured out how I've been losing money for the past four years. See, I greatly enjoy conventions, street fairs, and other events, but even with the generosity of my con partners Mary Fan and Elizabeth Corrigan opening their homes to me and splitting costs, the cost of attending six or seven events a year has always outweighed the modest profits of my books. But the three of us have kept at it all this time, trying to get our names out there and building our respective fan bases. As I explained earlier, you take the initial loss to plan out a career where you can start to make money.
So, every year since BRAINEATER JONES came out in 2013, I've watched my small loss decrease. The first year (which was really only a few months, since BRAINEATER came out in October) I had a small loss. Then in 2014 I had a little bit bigger loss, because I did a whole year of events with only one, then by the end of it, three books to sell. Then in 2015 the gap between profit and loss grew a little tighter. In 2016 I nearly broke even. Now, finally, in 2017 I have the symbolic victory of a $5 profit. So what else has been happening? I have a backlist now. I'm not just selling one book. The fans I've been developing are coming back to buy all seven of my books. My backlist is slowly generating me money as my fanbase expands and they comb back through it. I'm just starting to tip over from the "discover me" stage into the "now that you've discovered me, read all my stuff" stage. And it feels damn good, even if it is just $5.
$4.94
Nope, that's not a misprint, joke, error, exaggeration, or any other way you might like to dismiss that number. Now, no one is currently in arrears, but I haven't received payment for December from one of my publishers yet, so this number will go up slightly. My absolutely honest prediction is that that $4.94 will go up to about $50 or $60 when that last payment comes in. So I'm not showing you a clever fluke of timing or anything, either.
Five bucks. No sleight of hand. I made five bucks writing in 2017. And you know what? I'm not only happy about that, I'm pretty ecstatic. Obviously, I'm more excited about the symbolic value of that $5 than the latte I may buy with it later, but this is still a major milestone for me. See, for the past four years I've actually lost money at my writing career.
You might be wondering how that's even possible, especially if you're not a writer or are new to the game yourself. Well, first of all, it's not only possible, it's probable. Most writers do not make a profit off their writing. Writers who write full time for a living are so rare that in the field we call them "unicorns." I don't know the exact figures, but I'd venture to say that even if you disregard every grandpa with a funny story and a "publish" button on Amazon, and you just look at the people legitimately trying to make a career at writing, probably 95-99% of them have day jobs. And of those 1-5% of working writers who are making a living, most of them are making their bucks with ghostwriting, technical writing, editing, and journalism. In other words: work for hire. Very, very few people are writing what they want and making a living at it.
So, understanding that I'm not a unicorn, how did it take me five years to make my first five bucks?
First of all, being as this is a Making the Sausage post, let me tell you how I keep my books. I use an Excel spreadsheet and for each book I publish create two charts: one for cost outlay and one for profit. Here for instance is my 2017 chart for THE GHOUL ARCHIPELAGO:
So, on the left is where you're going to put things like shipping, ordering author copies of books, travel expenses, and if you're a self-publisher, costs for things like covers, editing, audiobook engineering, and the like. On the right is your profits from events and, if you like to break it down by book, your monthly sales.
Now, I picked this particular chart because it's a good example of two things. First, you can see how I'm normally losing money. I'm selling 1-3 of each book at an event, so at a good event I'm selling maybe 20 books. That's not necessarily even going to cover the table cost for most events.
Second, you can see how in this business I'm essentially gambling on myself. I bought 20 author copies of TGA, because I'm hoping that eventually I'll be able to sell those at events. You can see my unit cost is about $8.05, and I usually sell books for $10 (but sometimes $12.) So I'll have to sell 16 books before I've even broken even on that initial purchase. Even if everything goes perfectly, I only stand to make $40 of profit by selling that entire lot of TGAs. And I only sold 7 this year.
Now, the obvious question is: why don't I just sell my books for more money? Say, $20 and double my profit? Yeah, well, first of all, I don't see anybody shelling out $20 for an unknown author's work. But second of all, I don't want to gouge my fans. And third and perhaps most important of all, I'm not worried about short-term profit right now. I'm worried about building my fanbase so that I can stand to make profit in the long term. I'd rather take a bath on a $10 TGA today, and possibly find a fan who will go back and buy my entire backlist. If I do that, then I've made $70 in the long run. But also the value of a new fan can't be measured in money.
So, to close out the Making the Sausage portion of the post, if you do this for each of your novels, and use Excel's handy-dandy adding formulas, you can show how much you're spending and how much you're making for a year.
Now, you've probably already figured out how I've been losing money for the past four years. See, I greatly enjoy conventions, street fairs, and other events, but even with the generosity of my con partners Mary Fan and Elizabeth Corrigan opening their homes to me and splitting costs, the cost of attending six or seven events a year has always outweighed the modest profits of my books. But the three of us have kept at it all this time, trying to get our names out there and building our respective fan bases. As I explained earlier, you take the initial loss to plan out a career where you can start to make money.
So, every year since BRAINEATER JONES came out in 2013, I've watched my small loss decrease. The first year (which was really only a few months, since BRAINEATER came out in October) I had a small loss. Then in 2014 I had a little bit bigger loss, because I did a whole year of events with only one, then by the end of it, three books to sell. Then in 2015 the gap between profit and loss grew a little tighter. In 2016 I nearly broke even. Now, finally, in 2017 I have the symbolic victory of a $5 profit. So what else has been happening? I have a backlist now. I'm not just selling one book. The fans I've been developing are coming back to buy all seven of my books. My backlist is slowly generating me money as my fanbase expands and they comb back through it. I'm just starting to tip over from the "discover me" stage into the "now that you've discovered me, read all my stuff" stage. And it feels damn good, even if it is just $5.
January 8, 2018
New Release Announcement: WHISPERS OF THE APOC
January 5, 2018
Re-Animated #14: Sealab 2021
It's been quite a while since I did a Re-Animated blogpost, so if you care to get yourself back up to speed, you can do so here.
It wasn't my intention to take such a long break, but actually, unexpected though it was, it happened at the perfect spot in our written history of adult animation. The last entry I did was on the subject of the animated short "Rejected," which marked, in a way, the opening of a new chapter in our story. Although I've been hinting at it all along, the history of adult animation could very easily be broken up into the segments "pre-adult swim" and "post-adult swim."
And today we will cover our first proper adult swim show.
Now, as I mentioned in previous entries, adult swim was a strange sort of "half a network" which aired at first late-night Sundays and was treated by Nielsen as a separate entity from Cartoon Network on which it aired. Much of the time was taken up by anime and old canned and cancelled (and sometimes later revived) cartoon shows from other networks. But the original flagship for the network was a one-hour block of original shows: "The Brak Show," "Aqua Teen Hunger Force," "Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law," and today's entry: "Sealab 2021."
But...
A word on the term "original."
In the '90s Ted Turner acquired the old Hanna-Barbera library. If you're not clear on what Hanna-Barbera was, just picture all of the crummiest cartoons of the '60s and '70s - "Scooby-Doo," "Huckleberry Hound," "Snagglepuss" and the like. Yes, truly if "Looney Tunes" was The Rolling Stones of cartoons and Disney was The Beatles, then Hanna-Barbera was The Monkees.
So I'm sure it wasn't cheap, per se, but Turner probably got a lot of material for his buck, so to speak. And he started playing all of the old Hanna-Barbera junk on his networks, Cartoon Network and later Boomerang. So there was a little money to be made in playing those old reruns from the '60s. But the people at Cartoon Network began to experiment with the catalog to see if they could get even more money out of it.
And out of one such experiment, "Sealab 2021" was born.
"Sealab 2020" was a Hanna-Barbera produced show, so I imagine it was grim to begin with, but it was also supposed to be an educational program about oceans and nature, so I can only imagine it was doubly grim. (I've never watched it, except for the episode of "Sealab 2021" that I assume was an unretouched episode of the original.) The Cartoon Network suits who were putting together what would eventually become adult swim, however, thought perhaps the animation, which was expensive to produce, could be paired with a new soundtrack and dialogue, which was easy to produce, to create a new, clever, perhaps avant-garde show, considering the dialogue would have to be tailored to pre-existing animation.
The result was, apparently, unwatchable. But the concept had set wheels in motion, and it wasn't a huge leap from using pre-existing animation with a new soundtrack to heavily editing pre-existing animation to make a still fairly cheap-to-produce show. The avant-garde nature of the original experiment, of course, survived, and "Sealab 2021" became a pilot program of what would eventually develop into the adult swim ethos.
So the show itself was "about" a team of cracked scientists and pseudomilitary types living in a lab on the ocean floor. Perhaps in homage to "Aeon Fluxx" the actual Sealab blew up at the end of every episode, with no reference to its loss in the official canon. Rather than deal with actual sealife and interesting adventures a la "Seaquest," "Sealab 2021" focused on the stupidest possible antics of the crew. In one episode, Captain Murphy is trapped under a vending machine the entire time and makes friends with a scorpion. In another, they bicker over which of the men would be best to father Debbie's baby.
The writing was searingly hilarious and satirical, hanging in that odd grey area between being stupid, sexist, and racist and mocking stupidity, sexism, and racism. If it clarifies anything: the creators would go on, in a few steps, to create "Archer," which shows much of its "Sealab" DNA to this day.
"Sealab" also was part of adult swim's rather unusual episode lengths. Episodes clocked in at eleven minutes (fifteen with commercials) allowing for a single, unbroken viewing of each episode. This allowed for a certain almost whiplash-fast speed for jokes, and densely plotted stories jammed into half the running length of a usual sitcom. I suspect it meant that coming up with a full half hour of material and then being able to slice out half of the chaff allowed for only the best and brightest gems of humor to make it on the air.
Overall, "Sealab" is well worth a rewatch. It remains a clever, transgressive show, and at eleven minutes an episode, watching a whole season is more akin to watching a long movie than binge-watching a show. Definitely worth checking out.
It wasn't my intention to take such a long break, but actually, unexpected though it was, it happened at the perfect spot in our written history of adult animation. The last entry I did was on the subject of the animated short "Rejected," which marked, in a way, the opening of a new chapter in our story. Although I've been hinting at it all along, the history of adult animation could very easily be broken up into the segments "pre-adult swim" and "post-adult swim."
And today we will cover our first proper adult swim show.
Now, as I mentioned in previous entries, adult swim was a strange sort of "half a network" which aired at first late-night Sundays and was treated by Nielsen as a separate entity from Cartoon Network on which it aired. Much of the time was taken up by anime and old canned and cancelled (and sometimes later revived) cartoon shows from other networks. But the original flagship for the network was a one-hour block of original shows: "The Brak Show," "Aqua Teen Hunger Force," "Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law," and today's entry: "Sealab 2021."
But...
A word on the term "original."
In the '90s Ted Turner acquired the old Hanna-Barbera library. If you're not clear on what Hanna-Barbera was, just picture all of the crummiest cartoons of the '60s and '70s - "Scooby-Doo," "Huckleberry Hound," "Snagglepuss" and the like. Yes, truly if "Looney Tunes" was The Rolling Stones of cartoons and Disney was The Beatles, then Hanna-Barbera was The Monkees.
So I'm sure it wasn't cheap, per se, but Turner probably got a lot of material for his buck, so to speak. And he started playing all of the old Hanna-Barbera junk on his networks, Cartoon Network and later Boomerang. So there was a little money to be made in playing those old reruns from the '60s. But the people at Cartoon Network began to experiment with the catalog to see if they could get even more money out of it.
And out of one such experiment, "Sealab 2021" was born.
"Sealab 2020" was a Hanna-Barbera produced show, so I imagine it was grim to begin with, but it was also supposed to be an educational program about oceans and nature, so I can only imagine it was doubly grim. (I've never watched it, except for the episode of "Sealab 2021" that I assume was an unretouched episode of the original.) The Cartoon Network suits who were putting together what would eventually become adult swim, however, thought perhaps the animation, which was expensive to produce, could be paired with a new soundtrack and dialogue, which was easy to produce, to create a new, clever, perhaps avant-garde show, considering the dialogue would have to be tailored to pre-existing animation.
The result was, apparently, unwatchable. But the concept had set wheels in motion, and it wasn't a huge leap from using pre-existing animation with a new soundtrack to heavily editing pre-existing animation to make a still fairly cheap-to-produce show. The avant-garde nature of the original experiment, of course, survived, and "Sealab 2021" became a pilot program of what would eventually develop into the adult swim ethos.
So the show itself was "about" a team of cracked scientists and pseudomilitary types living in a lab on the ocean floor. Perhaps in homage to "Aeon Fluxx" the actual Sealab blew up at the end of every episode, with no reference to its loss in the official canon. Rather than deal with actual sealife and interesting adventures a la "Seaquest," "Sealab 2021" focused on the stupidest possible antics of the crew. In one episode, Captain Murphy is trapped under a vending machine the entire time and makes friends with a scorpion. In another, they bicker over which of the men would be best to father Debbie's baby.
The writing was searingly hilarious and satirical, hanging in that odd grey area between being stupid, sexist, and racist and mocking stupidity, sexism, and racism. If it clarifies anything: the creators would go on, in a few steps, to create "Archer," which shows much of its "Sealab" DNA to this day.
"Sealab" also was part of adult swim's rather unusual episode lengths. Episodes clocked in at eleven minutes (fifteen with commercials) allowing for a single, unbroken viewing of each episode. This allowed for a certain almost whiplash-fast speed for jokes, and densely plotted stories jammed into half the running length of a usual sitcom. I suspect it meant that coming up with a full half hour of material and then being able to slice out half of the chaff allowed for only the best and brightest gems of humor to make it on the air.
Overall, "Sealab" is well worth a rewatch. It remains a clever, transgressive show, and at eleven minutes an episode, watching a whole season is more akin to watching a long movie than binge-watching a show. Definitely worth checking out.
January 3, 2018
The Top Ten Posts of 2017
Hey everybody! Happy 2018! I hope you had a good holiday, and that your whole last year was smashing.
Let's kick off the New Year, as so many people often do, by reflecting on the old. Here are the top ten most viewed Manuscripts Burn posts of 2017!
10. An interview with Amber Fallon
9. An interview with C.V. Hunt
8. An interview with Somer Canon
7. Some thoughts on Martin Luther King Day
6. An interview with Crystal Connor
5. An interview with Kayleigh Marie Edwards
4. The cover reveal for RIGHT TO SILENCE by Lily Luchesi
3. My "Give it Away Now" appearance announcement on The Horror Show podcast
2. My 2017 appearances post
And (drumroll please) the most incestuous possible answer for the top post of 2017 was...
1. The Top Ten Posts of 2016
Let's kick off the New Year, as so many people often do, by reflecting on the old. Here are the top ten most viewed Manuscripts Burn posts of 2017!
10. An interview with Amber Fallon
9. An interview with C.V. Hunt
8. An interview with Somer Canon
7. Some thoughts on Martin Luther King Day
6. An interview with Crystal Connor
5. An interview with Kayleigh Marie Edwards
4. The cover reveal for RIGHT TO SILENCE by Lily Luchesi
3. My "Give it Away Now" appearance announcement on The Horror Show podcast
2. My 2017 appearances post
And (drumroll please) the most incestuous possible answer for the top post of 2017 was...
1. The Top Ten Posts of 2016
December 15, 2017
How About a Giveaway?
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Goodreads Book Giveaway
The Hematophages by Stephen Kozeniewski Giveaway ends December 20, 2017. See the giveaway details at Goodreads. Enter Giveaway
November 22, 2017
Chessiecon or Bust!
It's almost Thanksgiving and you know what that means: time for Chessiecon!
I've attended Chessiecon every year since its inception (and one year when it was still Darkover Con.) I've also been a judge on the Turkey Award panels every year, so this particular convention is getting to be a real holiday tradition for me.
So if you're going to be anywhere near Baltimore, MD this weekend, why not take a break from trampling hordes of people for flatscreen TVs and swing by this fun little convention. If not for me, then do it for Mary Fan, Scott Edelman, Don Sakers, and any of the other fine guests you'll get to see there.
Dates:
November 24-26, 2017
Location:
Radisson Hotel North Baltimore
2004 Greenspring Drive
Timonium, MD 21093
Panels:
Friday 5:30 pm - Chesapeake 6 0 "Workshop: How to Turkey"
Want write bad? How do? Join a Turkey Award judge to work on your own entry, hear what makes a good bad entry, what to avoid, and what skills go into crafting a truly stunning Turkey.
Lee Budar-Danoff, Steve Kozeniewski
Friday 9:15 pm - Greenspring 3-5 - "What's good on TV?"
As science fiction and fantasy become more popular (finally!) there are more offerings in the genre on television. Your time is limited; how do you know what to choose? Panelists talk about their favorite current or recent shows, tell you why, and warn you away from the bad stuff.
Elwin Cotman, J.L. Gribble, Jeff Gritman (M), Steve Kozeniewski, Meg Nicholas
Saturday 10:00 am - Greenspring 3-5 - "Small Everyday Forms of Resistance in SF/F"
SF often presents resistance as dramatic: clearcut choices, cinematic fight scenes, and so forth. It's difficult to get away from that mindset, even in real life. For those of us muddling along in moral murkiness, for those of us who can't or don't want to commit violence, for those who cannot for any number of reasons take up protesting full time, what are examples of small, everyday ways to resist injustice and fascism?
D.H. Aire, Jeff Gritman, Steve Kozeniewski, Ada Palmer, Kelly Szpara (M)
Saturday 11:15 am - Greenspring 2 - "Turkey Awards Panel"
At our somewhat misguided request, authors created the opening paragraph to the worst SF/F novel they could conceive of. For three years running, our imaginative and inspired writers have come up with some beautiful, horrible, awful, and awe-inspiring works. Come hear what our finalists have written this year, and what our judges have to say about it. Winners will be awarded dubious prizes later in the evening.
Harrison Demchick, Steve Kozeniewski, Timothy Liebe, Don Sakers, Michelle D. Sonnier
Saturday 12:30 pm - Greenspring 2 - "PowerPoint Improv"
Volunteer presenters pick a slide deck they've never seen before from a list of titles on a variety of topics, and improv a comedic or serious presentation loosely based on the slides for up to 5 minutes. Audience participation comes with each presentation's brief Q&A session! As improvisations accumulate, we can build off each others' ideas. Come play with us!
Harrison Demchick, Sarah Elkins, J.L. Gribble, Cristin Kist, Steve Kozeniewski, Valerie Mikles
Saturday 3:00 pm - Greenspring 1 - "Where Do We Dystopia From Here?"
Dystopia as a genre has been reigning in many science fiction circles and shows no sign of losing popularity. What's powerful and useful about this trend or its manifestations? What's limiting or frustrating? How do we feel about dystopian fiction when we live in dystopian realities?Note: I'm marked as attending this panel some places and not others. I will confirm whether I'll be attending or not at the con.
Elwin Cotman, Mary Fan (M), Andrew Hiller, Timothy Liebe, Jay Smith
Saturday 6:45 pm - Greenspring 1 - "How The Twilight Zone Embraced 'Less is More'"
In 1959, Rod Sterling's television anthology The Twilight Zone engrossed audiences with thrilling stories of all sorts. In 2017, many episodes of the five-season series and its various spin-offs are still intense, captivating, and even scary, often thanks to the show's ability to say as much as possible with very few special effects. Our panelists talk about their favorite episodes of The Twilight Zone and how the minimalist style made it more effective and memorable.
Scott Edelman, Elektra Hammond (M), Steve Kozeniewski, Karen MacLeod, Alanna Morland
Saturday 8:00 pm - Atrium - "Author Meet and Greet"
Authors chat, answer questions, and sign books.
J.L. Gribble, Andrew Hiller, Steve Kozeniewski, Michelle D. Sonnier, Steven R. Southard, Martin Wilsey
Sunday 10:00 am - Greenspring 1 - "Cultural Ramifications of Universal Translators"
The Universal Translator is one of the most common sci-fi tropes, for obvious reasons. Usually it's just a literary convenience, but let's delve a little deeper. What unspoken assumptions does the trope rest on, and what ramifications get overlooked? What consequences (good or bad) could there be for societies at large? We will talk about how languages work, and how computers work, as we work out the sociopolitical and ethical implications of a universal translator.
D.H. Aire, Lanthir Calendae, Steve Kozeniewski, Mike McPhail, Kelly Szpara (M)
Sunday 12:30 pm - Greenspring 1 - Reading
Steve will read "The Rules of a Drinking Contest Against Brian Keene."
I've attended Chessiecon every year since its inception (and one year when it was still Darkover Con.) I've also been a judge on the Turkey Award panels every year, so this particular convention is getting to be a real holiday tradition for me.
So if you're going to be anywhere near Baltimore, MD this weekend, why not take a break from trampling hordes of people for flatscreen TVs and swing by this fun little convention. If not for me, then do it for Mary Fan, Scott Edelman, Don Sakers, and any of the other fine guests you'll get to see there.
Dates:
November 24-26, 2017
Location:
Radisson Hotel North Baltimore
2004 Greenspring Drive
Timonium, MD 21093
Panels:
Friday 5:30 pm - Chesapeake 6 0 "Workshop: How to Turkey"
Want write bad? How do? Join a Turkey Award judge to work on your own entry, hear what makes a good bad entry, what to avoid, and what skills go into crafting a truly stunning Turkey.
Lee Budar-Danoff, Steve Kozeniewski
Friday 9:15 pm - Greenspring 3-5 - "What's good on TV?"
As science fiction and fantasy become more popular (finally!) there are more offerings in the genre on television. Your time is limited; how do you know what to choose? Panelists talk about their favorite current or recent shows, tell you why, and warn you away from the bad stuff.
Elwin Cotman, J.L. Gribble, Jeff Gritman (M), Steve Kozeniewski, Meg Nicholas
Saturday 10:00 am - Greenspring 3-5 - "Small Everyday Forms of Resistance in SF/F"
SF often presents resistance as dramatic: clearcut choices, cinematic fight scenes, and so forth. It's difficult to get away from that mindset, even in real life. For those of us muddling along in moral murkiness, for those of us who can't or don't want to commit violence, for those who cannot for any number of reasons take up protesting full time, what are examples of small, everyday ways to resist injustice and fascism?
D.H. Aire, Jeff Gritman, Steve Kozeniewski, Ada Palmer, Kelly Szpara (M)
Saturday 11:15 am - Greenspring 2 - "Turkey Awards Panel"
At our somewhat misguided request, authors created the opening paragraph to the worst SF/F novel they could conceive of. For three years running, our imaginative and inspired writers have come up with some beautiful, horrible, awful, and awe-inspiring works. Come hear what our finalists have written this year, and what our judges have to say about it. Winners will be awarded dubious prizes later in the evening.
Harrison Demchick, Steve Kozeniewski, Timothy Liebe, Don Sakers, Michelle D. Sonnier
Saturday 12:30 pm - Greenspring 2 - "PowerPoint Improv"
Volunteer presenters pick a slide deck they've never seen before from a list of titles on a variety of topics, and improv a comedic or serious presentation loosely based on the slides for up to 5 minutes. Audience participation comes with each presentation's brief Q&A session! As improvisations accumulate, we can build off each others' ideas. Come play with us!
Harrison Demchick, Sarah Elkins, J.L. Gribble, Cristin Kist, Steve Kozeniewski, Valerie Mikles
Saturday 3:00 pm - Greenspring 1 - "Where Do We Dystopia From Here?"
Dystopia as a genre has been reigning in many science fiction circles and shows no sign of losing popularity. What's powerful and useful about this trend or its manifestations? What's limiting or frustrating? How do we feel about dystopian fiction when we live in dystopian realities?Note: I'm marked as attending this panel some places and not others. I will confirm whether I'll be attending or not at the con.
Elwin Cotman, Mary Fan (M), Andrew Hiller, Timothy Liebe, Jay Smith
Saturday 6:45 pm - Greenspring 1 - "How The Twilight Zone Embraced 'Less is More'"
In 1959, Rod Sterling's television anthology The Twilight Zone engrossed audiences with thrilling stories of all sorts. In 2017, many episodes of the five-season series and its various spin-offs are still intense, captivating, and even scary, often thanks to the show's ability to say as much as possible with very few special effects. Our panelists talk about their favorite episodes of The Twilight Zone and how the minimalist style made it more effective and memorable.
Scott Edelman, Elektra Hammond (M), Steve Kozeniewski, Karen MacLeod, Alanna Morland
Saturday 8:00 pm - Atrium - "Author Meet and Greet"
Authors chat, answer questions, and sign books.
J.L. Gribble, Andrew Hiller, Steve Kozeniewski, Michelle D. Sonnier, Steven R. Southard, Martin Wilsey
Sunday 10:00 am - Greenspring 1 - "Cultural Ramifications of Universal Translators"
The Universal Translator is one of the most common sci-fi tropes, for obvious reasons. Usually it's just a literary convenience, but let's delve a little deeper. What unspoken assumptions does the trope rest on, and what ramifications get overlooked? What consequences (good or bad) could there be for societies at large? We will talk about how languages work, and how computers work, as we work out the sociopolitical and ethical implications of a universal translator.
D.H. Aire, Lanthir Calendae, Steve Kozeniewski, Mike McPhail, Kelly Szpara (M)
Sunday 12:30 pm - Greenspring 1 - Reading
Steve will read "The Rules of a Drinking Contest Against Brian Keene."
November 17, 2017
Review - "I'm Dreaming of a White Doomsday"
Last week I had the opportunity to see "I'm Dreaming of a White Doomsday," the first feature-length film from friend, roustabout, and director Mike Lombardo. I'm pleased to report that the film is an unqualified success in every way.
Clocking in at a lean 71 minutes, the movie is tight and almost every minute of the running time is devoted to ratcheting up the tension. As such, the plot is bare bones. An unexplained apocalypse has left the planet a nightmarish hellscape, and the air breathable only through a gas mask. Three survivors: a mother, father, and their eight-year-old son have taken shelter in some sort of fallout bunker. When the father never returns from a supply run, the mother tries to get by and finally, after a series of impossible decisions, plans to give her boy the merriest Christmas circumstances will allow.
And aside from the ending (which will leave even the most jaded viewer saying "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus") that's about it for the story. The rest of the movie is comprised of flashbacks, dreams, and visions (or are they?) There are only five actors in the movie and they all do yeoman's work, but I'd be remiss if I didn't point out the contributions of Hope Bikle, in the role of the mother. All of the actors are outstanding, but the mother has the most screen time and the biggest emotional gamut to traverse. Many of the scenes are just an examination of her face, sometimes behind a gas mask (!), trying to work out what to do in an impossible situation, putting on a brave face for her son, and almost always screaming soundlessly inside. Not once did I find her wanting. Not once was I bored or anything less than riveted. A stunning achievement for a film made for $10,000.
Perhaps most interesting to me is I don't think baby Jesus, Bethlehem, "the reason for the season," or a single religious icon was ever mentioned or shown. This is as purely secular as a Christmas movie can be, which is certainly a deliberate decision. This film is a Hiroshima bombing which ends "The War on Christmas" with an unquestionable victory for commercialism; a feature-length answer of "Never" to the question "When are we going to put Christ back in Christmas?"
"I'm Dreaming of a White Doomsday" is a bleak, suffocating throat-punch of a movie, destined to become a new holiday staple. (How about playing this motherfucker on repeat for 24 hours instead of Ralphie, TNT?)
October 2, 2017
CLICKERS FOREVER Cover Reveal
I'm delighted to be included in CLICKERS FOREVER, a tribute anthology to J.F. Gonzalez coming soon from Thunderstorm Books. My short, entitled "Deep Into That Dark One Peering" is about what happens when you try to train a monster to be human ("Hellboy" she ain't.) I'm also seriously looking forward to reading the other entries, which includes such luminaries as Jonathan Maberry, David Schow, and Monica J. O'Rourke. The full Table of Contents is below!
Edited by Brian Keene
Illustrated by Hannah Gonzalez
Cover by Dave Kendall
Table of Contents:
"Captivity" by J.F. Gonzalez
“That Goddamn Grin” by Robert Ford
“Vanilla Sunshine” by Jonathan Janz
“Books with Bite” by Jonathan Maberry
“Back from the Dead” by Mike Lombardo
“Bangers and Mash” by Matt Hayward
“Garage Clicker” by John Urbancik
“On the Contributions of J.F. Gonzalez to Horror Literature” by Mary SanGiovanni
“My Own Personal Jesus” by Wayne Allen Sallee
“Algorithms of the Heart” by Mike Oliveri
“Moist Air” by Adam Cesare
“On Clickers II” by J.F. Gonzalez
“Clickers vs. Mandibles: The Tale of an Unwritten Saga” by Jeff Strand
“Ten Secrets to Survival Clickers Don’t Want You to Know (They Really Hate Number Six)” by Jeff Burk
“A Birthday Party for Jenny Too Good” by Gord Rollo
“Belief” by Lesley Conner
“Shooting Schedule” by J.F. Gonzalez
“WWJD: Collaborating with J.F. Gonzalez” by Wrath James White
“Only One Way to Write the End of the Individual: J. F. Gonzalez’s The Corporation” by Nick Mamatas
“Gracias, hermano: a letter to a man I never met” by Gabino Iglesias
“Deep into That Dark One Peering” by Stephen Kozeniewski
“At the Corner of Flanders and Phillipsport” by Michael T. Huyck Jr.
“Surfing Is My Life: Fear and Loathing on the Northern California Coast” by Gene O’Neill
“The Folly of the Dead, or, I’m Pretty Sure My Buddy Is A Serial Killer” by Geoff Cooper
“The Survival of Horror: A Tribute to J.F. Gonzalez’s Survivor” by Matt Serafini
“For You, Anything” by Wesley Southard
“WonderClaws™” by Monica J. O’Rourke
“Throwing Books” by Dave Thomas
“Clickbusters” by Amber Fallon
“Night Run” by Kristopher Rufty
“A Bad Influence” by Robert Swartwood
“Grab” by Jay Wilburn
“Ku Klux Clickers” by Wile E. Young
“My Own Private L.A. Gangsta” by Weston Ochse
“Jesus and the Splatterpunks: An Oral History” by David J. Schow, John Skipp, and Brian Keene
“Bleeding Through” by Charles Rutledge
“Mabel’s Recipes” by J.F. Gonzalez
“To the Bitter End” by Kyle Lybeck
“Complications Of” by Kelli Owen
Edited by Brian Keene
Illustrated by Hannah Gonzalez
Cover by Dave Kendall
Table of Contents:
"Captivity" by J.F. Gonzalez
“That Goddamn Grin” by Robert Ford
“Vanilla Sunshine” by Jonathan Janz
“Books with Bite” by Jonathan Maberry
“Back from the Dead” by Mike Lombardo
“Bangers and Mash” by Matt Hayward
“Garage Clicker” by John Urbancik
“On the Contributions of J.F. Gonzalez to Horror Literature” by Mary SanGiovanni
“My Own Personal Jesus” by Wayne Allen Sallee
“Algorithms of the Heart” by Mike Oliveri
“Moist Air” by Adam Cesare
“On Clickers II” by J.F. Gonzalez
“Clickers vs. Mandibles: The Tale of an Unwritten Saga” by Jeff Strand
“Ten Secrets to Survival Clickers Don’t Want You to Know (They Really Hate Number Six)” by Jeff Burk
“A Birthday Party for Jenny Too Good” by Gord Rollo
“Belief” by Lesley Conner
“Shooting Schedule” by J.F. Gonzalez
“WWJD: Collaborating with J.F. Gonzalez” by Wrath James White
“Only One Way to Write the End of the Individual: J. F. Gonzalez’s The Corporation” by Nick Mamatas
“Gracias, hermano: a letter to a man I never met” by Gabino Iglesias
“Deep into That Dark One Peering” by Stephen Kozeniewski
“At the Corner of Flanders and Phillipsport” by Michael T. Huyck Jr.
“Surfing Is My Life: Fear and Loathing on the Northern California Coast” by Gene O’Neill
“The Folly of the Dead, or, I’m Pretty Sure My Buddy Is A Serial Killer” by Geoff Cooper
“The Survival of Horror: A Tribute to J.F. Gonzalez’s Survivor” by Matt Serafini
“For You, Anything” by Wesley Southard
“WonderClaws™” by Monica J. O’Rourke
“Throwing Books” by Dave Thomas
“Clickbusters” by Amber Fallon
“Night Run” by Kristopher Rufty
“A Bad Influence” by Robert Swartwood
“Grab” by Jay Wilburn
“Ku Klux Clickers” by Wile E. Young
“My Own Private L.A. Gangsta” by Weston Ochse
“Jesus and the Splatterpunks: An Oral History” by David J. Schow, John Skipp, and Brian Keene
“Bleeding Through” by Charles Rutledge
“Mabel’s Recipes” by J.F. Gonzalez
“To the Bitter End” by Kyle Lybeck
“Complications Of” by Kelli Owen
September 28, 2017
What Was the Name of that Chris Elliott Show From the Nineties?
You reading this right now are doubtless so familiar with the football kneeling issue you're probably sick of hearing about it. For posterity's sake, then, a brief explanation: a football player named Colin Kaepernick started kneeling last year during the pre-game national anthem as a form of silent protest against police brutality, specifically race-related police brutality, and just the general inequitable nature of being a minority in the United States today.
What followed was a transcendental moment in the history of this great nation of ours. Police forces across the nation took deep stock of their behavior and began taking steps to be more conscientious, to root out the corruption within their own ranks and end institutional racism, or at least begin making incremental steps to do so. Liberals and conservatives united in their desire to have more accountable peace officers, admitting that it wasn't honest cops that anyone was upset about, only the corrupt ones. A period of difficult, but fruitful reform efforts followed, and today we finally have the police force in this country that we deserve.
Nah, I 'm just fucking with you. Conservatives declared it some kind of war on police, because, presumably, being a corrupt fuck who guns down black kids is just as good as being an honest cop. I mean, both are cops, right, so why differentiate? Then, Donald Trump, just weeks after declaring that both sides were really to blame when a bunch of neo-Nazis marched in Charlottesville and killed a woman, decided to unequivocally state that anyone kneeling at a football game should be fired and was probably a traitor.
Everybody checking in from a few years from now caught up? Okay, cool. I don't have much to say about this issue that hasn't already been said, but here goes anyway:
Get a life.
Get a life.
Seriously, get a fucking life.
You're upset that your enjoyment of the pre-show to a sports game is being "ruined" with politics? Ruined, because maybe you might have to think about unpleasant things like racial disparity and institutionalized murder in this country? Because some guy on your TV set reminded you that maybe not everything is perfect and hunky dory like you like to pretend it is every day?
Get. A fucking. Life.
Try being a minority in this country. Try not even getting a callback for a job because your name is too ethnic. Try working hard all your life, twice as hard as anybody else, and getting told you only succeeded because of affirmative action. Try getting pulled over because of your skin color. Try getting shot for "looking dangerous."
This is what we awful leftists are talking about when we use that much maligned term "white privilege." This. Right here. You are so fucking privileged that you get all insane in the membrane at the idea of (let me see if I can parse this correctly) being reminded of negative things in this country by someone's silent protest during the national anthem prior to a sporting event, which you probably didn't get up from your goddamn couch for either.
That drives you nuts. That's what upsets you.
You will never, ever have to deal with the reality of being black in this country. Shit, I'll never have to deal with it, but I'm not frightened by the idea of having a discussion about it.
And let's be clear: that's what's going on here. Conservatives are terrified by the prospect of having to even admit that racism might still be a problem in America. Why all the dodges? Why all the, "It's about the troops" or "It's about respect" or "It's in the NFL rulebook?" Why not just admit you don't want to face harsh reality? You'd rather pretend everything is great because it keeps you from having to admit things that make you uncomfortable. I mean, hell, if things are bad in your home country, maybe you're partially culpable for that. A mortifying prospect, no doubt, for someone who doesn't even see color.
Let's boil it all down. Colin Kaepernick wanted to start a conversation. That's all. Kneeling during a national anthem doesn't hurt anybody. It really doesn't, kids. It's a silent, and (dare I say it) respectful form of protest. He didn't burn a Bible, flip off the skybox, or punch somebody in the face. He said, "Look, I'm not sure I can stand and honor the flag of a country that's been pretty awful to me and my people, and I have the courage of my convictions."
He did that shit in public. He knew he would probably get booed, probably be ostracized, probably lose his job, all of which happened. And he still did it! That's courage, man. That's personal fortitude. And not that I'm a fan of whataboutism, but, since he decided to insert himself into this controversy, why can't fucking Trump show that level of courage? Why can't he condemn the shit out of some neo-Nazis? Why this mealy-mouthed, "Oh, er, um, both sides are to blame, you know" shit? Hell, I'd have more respect for him if he just admitted he admired white nationalists and was on their side. At least that would be taking some kind of stand. At least that would be showing some goddamned backbone.
But, no, Colin Kaepernick showed some backbone, and he suffered for it. But he got something out of it: a conversation was started. Conservatives would love nothing better than to obfsucate the matter and shut that conversation the fuck down. They want to portray this peaceful demonstration as some kind of cut against the troops or something. Yeah. Okay.
Look, I can't speak for every vet. Obviously. But I didn't go over and get mortared in Iraq so a bunch of jackboots could stick a gun in your back and force you to stand for the national anthem. I mean, that's what Saddam did to his people. He shot them for having their own opinions, especially unpopular opinions. In America, despite the current administration, you're allowed to have freedom of speech, freedom of expression, and freedom of conscience.
I mean, I think Nazis and the KKK are the absolute bottom-dwelling, shit-eating scum of the earth. But I joined up so those reprehensible fucks could say whatever they want, because it also means that the rest of us can say whatever the fuck we want.
And look at this! A free exchange of ideas! People talking about race in America! And, predictably, conservatives trying to shut that conversation down.
Get a fucking life.
What followed was a transcendental moment in the history of this great nation of ours. Police forces across the nation took deep stock of their behavior and began taking steps to be more conscientious, to root out the corruption within their own ranks and end institutional racism, or at least begin making incremental steps to do so. Liberals and conservatives united in their desire to have more accountable peace officers, admitting that it wasn't honest cops that anyone was upset about, only the corrupt ones. A period of difficult, but fruitful reform efforts followed, and today we finally have the police force in this country that we deserve.
Nah, I 'm just fucking with you. Conservatives declared it some kind of war on police, because, presumably, being a corrupt fuck who guns down black kids is just as good as being an honest cop. I mean, both are cops, right, so why differentiate? Then, Donald Trump, just weeks after declaring that both sides were really to blame when a bunch of neo-Nazis marched in Charlottesville and killed a woman, decided to unequivocally state that anyone kneeling at a football game should be fired and was probably a traitor.
Everybody checking in from a few years from now caught up? Okay, cool. I don't have much to say about this issue that hasn't already been said, but here goes anyway:
Get a life.
Get a life.
Seriously, get a fucking life.
You're upset that your enjoyment of the pre-show to a sports game is being "ruined" with politics? Ruined, because maybe you might have to think about unpleasant things like racial disparity and institutionalized murder in this country? Because some guy on your TV set reminded you that maybe not everything is perfect and hunky dory like you like to pretend it is every day?
Get. A fucking. Life.
Try being a minority in this country. Try not even getting a callback for a job because your name is too ethnic. Try working hard all your life, twice as hard as anybody else, and getting told you only succeeded because of affirmative action. Try getting pulled over because of your skin color. Try getting shot for "looking dangerous."
This is what we awful leftists are talking about when we use that much maligned term "white privilege." This. Right here. You are so fucking privileged that you get all insane in the membrane at the idea of (let me see if I can parse this correctly) being reminded of negative things in this country by someone's silent protest during the national anthem prior to a sporting event, which you probably didn't get up from your goddamn couch for either.
That drives you nuts. That's what upsets you.
You will never, ever have to deal with the reality of being black in this country. Shit, I'll never have to deal with it, but I'm not frightened by the idea of having a discussion about it.
And let's be clear: that's what's going on here. Conservatives are terrified by the prospect of having to even admit that racism might still be a problem in America. Why all the dodges? Why all the, "It's about the troops" or "It's about respect" or "It's in the NFL rulebook?" Why not just admit you don't want to face harsh reality? You'd rather pretend everything is great because it keeps you from having to admit things that make you uncomfortable. I mean, hell, if things are bad in your home country, maybe you're partially culpable for that. A mortifying prospect, no doubt, for someone who doesn't even see color.
Let's boil it all down. Colin Kaepernick wanted to start a conversation. That's all. Kneeling during a national anthem doesn't hurt anybody. It really doesn't, kids. It's a silent, and (dare I say it) respectful form of protest. He didn't burn a Bible, flip off the skybox, or punch somebody in the face. He said, "Look, I'm not sure I can stand and honor the flag of a country that's been pretty awful to me and my people, and I have the courage of my convictions."
He did that shit in public. He knew he would probably get booed, probably be ostracized, probably lose his job, all of which happened. And he still did it! That's courage, man. That's personal fortitude. And not that I'm a fan of whataboutism, but, since he decided to insert himself into this controversy, why can't fucking Trump show that level of courage? Why can't he condemn the shit out of some neo-Nazis? Why this mealy-mouthed, "Oh, er, um, both sides are to blame, you know" shit? Hell, I'd have more respect for him if he just admitted he admired white nationalists and was on their side. At least that would be taking some kind of stand. At least that would be showing some goddamned backbone.
But, no, Colin Kaepernick showed some backbone, and he suffered for it. But he got something out of it: a conversation was started. Conservatives would love nothing better than to obfsucate the matter and shut that conversation the fuck down. They want to portray this peaceful demonstration as some kind of cut against the troops or something. Yeah. Okay.
Look, I can't speak for every vet. Obviously. But I didn't go over and get mortared in Iraq so a bunch of jackboots could stick a gun in your back and force you to stand for the national anthem. I mean, that's what Saddam did to his people. He shot them for having their own opinions, especially unpopular opinions. In America, despite the current administration, you're allowed to have freedom of speech, freedom of expression, and freedom of conscience.
I mean, I think Nazis and the KKK are the absolute bottom-dwelling, shit-eating scum of the earth. But I joined up so those reprehensible fucks could say whatever they want, because it also means that the rest of us can say whatever the fuck we want.
And look at this! A free exchange of ideas! People talking about race in America! And, predictably, conservatives trying to shut that conversation down.
Get a fucking life.
September 15, 2017
The Quintessential SLASHVIVOR! Post
SLASHVIVOR! is now available in e-book and paperback formats through the following fine booksellers:
Amazon
It's also got a page on Goodreads.
Here are the other places around the net where you can find THE HEMATOPHAGES:
A spotlight on Bark's Book Nonsense
A spotlight on Book Addict Live
A spotlight on Bark Less, Wag More
A Back Jacket Hack-Job on Across the Board
A spotlight on Sci-Fi and Scary
