Fran Macilvey's Blog, page 23

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 11

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 11

“How long will you be away?”

“I don’t know, Marian, that’s what worries me. I have spent the last sixteen years nursing. D’you suppose I want to do it again? For Vivienne whom I hardly know? A man needs to get away from bodily functions every so often.”

We sat in companionable silence tinged with unease, while the potatoes baked and then, as I flung together a collection of cheeses, sardines, ham, chopped tomatoes, salad and some hummus, I wondered that Arthur...

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 10

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 10

 

Middle-aged mothers are so unlikely to fall in love again. I caught myself glancing at Arthur’s mouth, wondering what his lips tasted like, whether his hands were warm. I remembered that I had offered to listen.

“So!” I tried to sound business-like, not bossy. “Would you like to tell me about your boy?”

“There isn’t much to tell, really. I met Vivienne when I took Lilian for a respite break to the seaside in the early days. We were still coming to terms, you...

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 9

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 9

“Arthur,” I coaxed, “Look at me.”

I waited, and slowly his gaze came up, his dark eyes meeting mine. “Listen. You have done nothing wrong.” He moved his head from side to side, not exactly agreeing with me, not sure whether to contradict. So I repeated, “You have done nothing wrong. Only what so many others before you have done.”

Arthur bowed his head, and I could see tears dropping into his lap, onto his trousers. He retrieved a freshly laundered handkerchief f...

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 8

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 8

 

One afternoon when I was outside, I heard Arthur’s voice drift over the fence. “Marian! Hello, Marian.”

I straightened up. “Hello Arthur.”

“I have to go away for a while.”

Bleakness flooded through me at the prospect of his leaving, though that did not seem to be the right time or place to say so. It was none of my business, after all. I had no claim on my neighbour, especially at this time of year: goodwill, festive whatnot, family time. But the absurd hope re...

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 7

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 7

I was quietly stunned by this confession. What astonished me was not so much what Arthur said, but the way he spoke, so calmly, so carefully. I am an emotional woman, and when I speak of things that tug my heart, my voice fills with tremors, my hands shake and my legs raise themselves of the ground. I cannot sit still. Yet speaking of abject misery there was he, calm, gentle and peaceful.

“Thank you for sharing that with me,” I said. I meant it. He looked at me,...

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 6

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 6

We fell into a pattern. As the winter nights got colder, the leaves drooped and rain fell like wet kisses from the denuded branches of tall trees, I got into the habit of popping round to Arthur’s whenever I had finished gardening. There was always something to tidy: leaves to clear, branches to pull and burn, hands to snarl on old, reluctant thorns. I was happy outside, those afternoons. The work cleansed my thoughts and stretched my body in beautiful, aching cu...

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 5

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 5

There followed a long silence, which neither of us felt like breaking. I looked out of the window, admiring the darkening folds of garden green that I could see behind him, the flaring reflections in the windows. Gazing at streaks of oranges and pinks trying to break through a bank of deep blue sky, I felt at home in the silence. Arthur was quiet for so long that when he did speak, I almost jumped.

“My wife was ill for over twenty years, though she became ill so...

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 4

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 4

In the gathering dusk I approached my neighbour’s front door with an unusual, childlike dread. The gate creaked loudly as I opened it and then stood stupidly trying to latch it shut behind me. I gave it a pointless shove, then abandoned it as my legs threatened to get tangled round my elbow crutch. Certain I was being watched from the living room, I had no desire to linger. Up the path, stooping in the unfamiliar doorway, I pushed the bell. It sounded very far a...

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 3

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 3

While we stood in the kitchen chatting, I was splashing water on my face and wiping away smears with the kitchen towel.

“Who on earth would fancy me?” I muttered, rubbing too hard at dark smears under my eyes. “Oh! That reminds me,” I said, “I’m going over to see him for a drink.”

“See? You had a whole conversation with him. He invited you for tea, even though your face was a mess. See?”

Elaine lifted her shoulders and turned her back so that I could not argue w...

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 2

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 2

One afternoon at the late end of Autumn, a brief space of intensely yellow light shone, calling irresistibly to those who, like me, are apt to linger forgetfully indoors, “Come out, for I am on my way South!”

I heeded the call and was in the patch of green that I laughingly call my “garden”. Having weeded and tidied as much as I could bear, I was trying to rise off the turf. Large circles of damp had soaked my trousers while I had been kneeling at the edge of the...