Fran Macilvey's Blog, page 22

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 21

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 21

 

“Hello, Marian,” said Julia, a nurse who was becoming familiar with my routines. “He’s doing well today. We don’t usually allow two visitors at once, but I’ll see if it’s all right.” She tiptoed quietly ahead of me and came up nodding gently, “Yes, that’s fine…” She indicated a second chair by Arthur’s bed, and it was only then I realized a young man was sitting opposite with his head bent forward, the back of his neck exposed. He looked collapsed in on himse...

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 20

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 20

“Polyommatus Eros common meadow blue Lycaenidae” © Charles J Sharp

 

As I drove home I could see children and their parents laughing, holding hands, shuffling along on the pavements and waiting patiently to cross busy roads trimmed with dozens of lights. Young women queued at bus-stops for trips into town. It was Saturday, the weekend, a night for partying. It felt strange to notice other people smiling.

The breakfast dishes were still piled in the sink; and the...

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 19

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 19

Two hours later the telephone rang. It was Alison saying, “You know what I’m going to ask, don’t you?”

“Yes, Elaine can stay with you for the day, and yes, pasta will be fine for tea. See you about seven?”

Hanging up the phone, a fresh wave of tiredness swept through me. A rest on the sofa would be good… When I woke I felt disorientated. Glancing at my watch, unbelievably it was only twelve o’clock and I was ravenously hungry. I felt my way to the kitchen and g...

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 18

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 18

Walking out of the front entrance, the light of the evening startled me. I breathed sharp, cool air deeply. Not stopping to lean on a wall, sag down onto my haunches, I finally found a taxi rank and queued, keeping my face blank. I watched others, some tottering with zimmer frames, some in pyjamas, arguing with their nearest and dearest or snatching a puff before shuffling painfully back inside. A pain stuck in the middle of my chest as I heaved myself into an...

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 17

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 17

As Arthur was pulled away through the wide doors of A & E, the dark clamour within the huge hall made me dizzy. Disorientated by the smells, I sank onto the nearest bench. Thankfully, in the wide, formal space, as well as rows of seats there was a café, a bookshop and a flower-stand selling hopeful blossoms. Just as others did, I found I could accustom myself to waiting. What were we waiting for? If it had not been for tall figures in hospital whites and green-s...

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 16

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 16

“Vivienne lied to me,” he said.

His voice was just the same, carried away from me by the upstart breeze as we stood in the garden. Maybe a bit less certain, a bit stumbling, but just as I remembered it, even so. I was listening intently, but would not meet his eyes and pulled my face aside as he spoke. Wanting to be up and doing, I was clumsily unfolding and hanging the laundry as he stood beside me, talking. Almost, I was thinking, Well, if he leaves me now, a...

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 15

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 15

Strange, how we get on with doing. One night with Arthur changed my life, turned it upside down. I felt different, like a woman properly loved, and while I rejoiced in the discovery, I began to mourn the years I had waited, hoping for love and understanding. Now I had tasted it, only to have it snatched away. Arthur was not nearby to reassure me.

Days passed. Christmas and New Year threw me into a blaze of activity, of cooking and baking for the two of us and ex...

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 14

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 14

I woke to shards of dark light, a cold space in the bed beside me and the familiar quiet noises of the house in early morning. I guessed it was about six. As my thoughts stretched back, I sat up with a jolt, seeking warmth and reassurance… What had it been?

Shivering violently, I slipped out of bed and shrugged into my dressing gown. Slanting rays of light crossed the landing and I tapped faintly at the bathroom door, hoping to hear a familiar voice, but the do...

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 13

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 13

As a walked downstairs and into the living-room, I felt myself floating. Arthur was waiting peacefully, seated on the sofa with his eyes shut and his long legs stretched out in front of him crossed at the ankles. For a moment, I was unsure what to do. Before I could think about it, I folded my arms over his shoulders and kissed the top of his head briefly, then walked self-consciously around the sofa and sat beside him.

“Thank you.” His words startled me.

“Than...

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 12

‘Faith, Hope and Love’ Part 12

We finished our meal in shaky silence. All the time, I was praying: for the right words, for the right time and place, and so that everything would be all right. After our baked potatoes we had fruit and hot drinks. From my wide selection of ‘horrible’ teabags, Arthur chose ginger and ginseng and I had peppermint. My nerves were jangling.

“So, what is your great secret?” Arthur re-opened our discussion. “What is so awful that you look as white as a ghost, Maria...