Dane Cobain's Blog, page 2

Launch Day: Oceanus by Dane Cobain

Hi, folks! Dane here, and today is the long awaited launch day for my new poetry book, Oceanus!

Oceanus is a long-form experimental poem about the RMS Titanic that I first started working on over ten years ago. It’s based on the exact version of the Wikipedia page for the Titanic that was live on the site 100 years to the minute after the great ship hit the iceberg.

You can click here to check it out on Amazon, or read on to find out a little more.

 

 

IT SANK IN THE NOW,
ex-pat down with all hands
seen one Wednesday
in a sinking southern city.

It hit the April showers
serving death
en route to Yorkshire,
killing peace and war and
Mary timed it well,
she was the biggest,
longest woman
to float the virgin shore.

OCEANUS TELLS A STORY that’s been told a thousand times before, one that’s known all around the world – the tale of a passenger liner that sank in the North Atlantic Ocean with massive loss of life. Oceanus tells the story of the RMS Titanic.

Praise for Eyes Like Lighthouses When the Boats Come Home:

“Recommended for those who enjoy poetry, or just want some honest language that arrives in an artful way.” – J. D. DeHart

“Dane Cobain gives us raw, disturbing, yet truthful poetry. It may be a bit disturbing, but sometimes the truth can be disturbing.” – Chrissy

“I highly recommend this book for fans of spoken word poetry.” – Jeremy Fee

 

 

Oceanus features the talents of Umer Shaikh on the cover design, and the paperback also includes illustrations by Kadir Türkegül (illustrations).

I chose to release it today because it’s the 111th anniversary of the Titanic’s fateful collission with the iceberg, and it’s available in both paperback and ebook formats. You can find out more about it on Amazon and on Goodreads.

If you’re in the mood for more poetry, feel free to check out my first poetry book, Eyes Like Lighthouses When the Boats Come Home, by clicking here. You can also click here to view the rest of my books on Amazon or here to check them out on Goodreads.

Thanks as always for your support, and be sure to follow me on social media for more. Here’s where you can find me:  Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Goodreads, Twitter, LinkedIn and TikTok. I’ll see you soon for more book news!

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Cover Reveal: Oceanus by Dane Cobain

Hi, folks! Dane here, and today I have some super exciting news to share with you. Over the last couple of months, I’ve been putting the finishing touches on a long-form experimental poem called Oceanus about the RMS Titanic.

I first started work on the book over ten years ago, and it’s based on the exact version of the Wikipedia page for the Titanic that was live on the site 100 years to the minute after the great ship hit the iceberg.

I’ve been hesitant to publish it for a while because of the cost and time commitment involved and because I know that my readers prefer my fiction to my poetry, but I had a break in my publishing schedule and the resources to throw at it, so it seemed like it was finally time!

It also gave me a great excuse to learn to format e-books using Atticus, as well as to find a new illustrator and a new cover designer because my regulars are unavailable and, in one case, on maternity leave. So big thank you to Umer Shaikh (cover design) and Kadir Türkegül (illustrations) for helping out with that.

And so, without further ado, here’s the shiny new cover and the blurb to go with it.

 

 

IT SANK IN THE NOW,
ex-pat down with all hands
seen one Wednesday
in a sinking southern city.

It hit the April showers
serving death
en route to Yorkshire,
killing peace and war and
Mary timed it well,
she was the biggest,
longest woman
to float the virgin shore.

OCEANUS TELLS A STORY that’s been told a thousand times before, one that’s known all around the world – the tale of a passenger liner that sank in the North Atlantic Ocean with massive loss of life. Oceanus tells the story of the RMS Titanic.

Praise for Eyes Like Lighthouses When the Boats Come Home:

“Recommended for those who enjoy poetry, or just want some honest language that arrives in an artful way.” – J. D. DeHart

“Dane Cobain gives us raw, disturbing, yet truthful poetry. It may be a bit disturbing, but sometimes the truth can be disturbing.” – Chrissy

“I highly recommend this book for fans of spoken word poetry.” – Jeremy Fee

 

 

Given that April 14th 2023 is the 111th anniversary of the collision with the iceberg, I figure there’s no better time than the present, so you’ll be able to scoop yourself up both paperback and electronic copies on Friday 14th April 2023.

In the meantime, feel free to check out my first poetry book, Eyes Like Lighthouses When the Boats Come Home, by clicking here. You can also click here to view the rest of my books on Amazon or here to check them out on Goodreads.

Thanks as always for your support, and be sure to follow me on social media for more. Here’s where you can find me:  Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Goodreads, Twitter, LinkedIn and TikTok. I’ll see you soon for more!

The post Cover Reveal: Oceanus by Dane Cobain first appeared on DaneCobain.com.

The Band Gets Together Will be in Half-Human Heroes!

Hi, folks! Dane here, and today I’m writing to let you know about another super-exciting anthology that I’m taking part in.

My good pal Jeremy Fee, who runs a fantastic YouTube channel and is an author in his own right, reached out to me to let me know that he was working on a new anthology called Half-Human Heroes. I actually wrote an original piece called Kangaroo Woman that I submitted, but I also submitted the first chapter of one of my works-in-progress.

The Band Gets Together is the first chapter of a new comic fantasy novel of mine called Monsters of Rock, which I’ve been describing to people as being like Spinal Tap meets Lord of the Rings. It works well as a standalone story, and it was also a perfect fit for the brief.

On top of The Band Gets Together, Half-Human Heroes is set to feature work from a bunch of other super talented authors including Mason Adey, P. M. Brown, Jeremy Fee, Jessica Haas, Q. D. Hall, S. D. Huston, Yosef Kark, Margared Pinard and David Wiley.

It’s set for release on May 15th, so keep your eyes peeled for further updates. You can also follow me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and TikTok for more. I’ll see you soon for another article!

The post The Band Gets Together Will be in Half-Human Heroes! first appeared on DaneCobain.com.

Reykjavik Journal 2023

1/2/23

“Pinch, punch, first of the month.”

That’s what Shay said this morning, just before she hit me. We kept seeing yellow cars, too.

I booked our trip to Reykjavik as a Christmas present for Shay, and it feels like that was a lifetime ago. I can’t believe we’re finally on our way.

I guess our story begins last night. I had the monthly strategy call with KX10 and Shay had her pottery class, where she made a super cute model of a cat reading a book. The timings worked out so that she came over just as the call was finishing, and we spent the rest of the evening watching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

The plan was to have an early night and to get a decent night’s sleep, but that didn’t happen. We fell asleep at about 2 AM after doing a guided meditation, then woke up just after six and played some Wii. I kicked Shay’s ass at Carnival Mini Golf and won at Worms: Battle Islands (out of us – the computer beat us both), and then we packed our stuff. I had one last pass at cleaning the flat and jumped into the shower, then set up the Biggie cameras.

After that, we walked to Shay’s, stopping off at Starbucks for coffee. I bought Shay some sort of chocolate pretzel iced coffee creation that she said was the best thing she’s ever had there. We had just enough time for Shay to give me a quick tarot reading and then Tracy drove us to Luton Airport.

Shay was amazed that there’s no smoking area and police knocking around with rifles. Check-in was relatively painless and we ended up at the Smithfield for lunch, which was over-priced but pretty tasty. I had the veg market brunch: vegan sausages, roasted peppers, flat mushroom, smashed avocado, roasted tomato, chunky chips and baked beans. They refused to give it to me without the beans, ew.

From there, we boarded the flight, which left late because one of the doors hit the steps and they had to get a technician to check it out before we left. We were sat next to a musician of some kind who had to move all her shit so we could sit down. It was cute because we spent most of the flight cuddling up and reading, although we were also glad to land so we could go and vape.

 

Hús Máls og Menningar

She’s drinking Coca-Cola,

he’s drinking Sprite,

the people are singing

“so good, so good, so good”,

except they shouldn’t.

 

The snow outside

crushed to ice

and a man shouts something

about the apocalypse,

we’re not scared of zombies

even though the cold

might stop them

from decomposition.

 

Window-ledge guitars

better than my butterfly,

my bumblebee,

not as good as the wolf

but the wolf needs new strings

and is on the other side

of the Atlantic.

 

Shay looks sad

but she says she’s only tired,

I feel like I was punched

under the stomach.

 

Tomorrow,

nature,

the phenomenon

and not the magazine.

 

The walls have eyes,

10,000 books,

and a couple of tote bags.

 

Yesterday: live music.

Today: live music.

Tomorrow: live music.

 

It was cold outside, but not as cold as we were expecting. We found the shuttle bus no problem and then it was a 15-minute walk to the hotel. We were stuck outside for ten minutes while I tracked down a message they’d sent with our instructions to get in, and we only made it because some other people who were staying there arrived and held the door for us.

I think the anxiety of international travel kicked in then, because I had a stomach flare-up and was feeling ill. But I felt better after a little sit and so then we wrapped ourselves up and went for a stroll in search of live music.

I found a place on Google called Hús Máls og Menningar, which was a book shop, bar and live music venue rolled into one, so that was a good little adventure. We only stayed for one drink and then the music ended and Shay (and I) needed sleep, so we made our way back to the hotel.

That’s where we are now. Shay is just dozing off while I catch up with this, and I’ll be joining her shortly. We were going to get up at 6:30 AM, but we’ve just found out that our Golden Circle Tour is cancelled. I’m going to call them up at 7 AM when they open and see if we can either do it later in the day or first thing on Friday. And the Northern Lights tour we’re meant to be going on was cancelled tonight and so fingers crossed it goes ahead tomorrow.

 

First World Problems in the Snow

Stop cancelling things,

it’s only the weather

and not a celebrity

caught in a Nazi salute

or a streamer

wanking to deep fakes.

 

I know

if your car breaks down

in the Icelandic countryside

or you run out of fuel

in the winter,

you probably die

or get frostbite.

 

But I’m only here

for two rotations,

and I don’t want to miss

what I came for.

 

I came for love,

but it cost me money,

and the bank notes I got

are mostly useless.

 

Nowhere takes cash,

it’s card only,

and I’m worried about

my bank account.

 

Same story,

different country.

 

2/2/23

Holy damn, it’s cold. Cold and wet. And it’s not doing the eczema on my hands any good.

I fell asleep pretty much as soon as I finished writing and Shay had already dozed off. I was up at 7 AM to see about re-booking our Golden Circle tour, and we eventually managed it for an 11:30 AM pickup.

We were collected from the BSI Bus Terminal and so that meant a one mile walk through the snow. Our feet were already wet by the time that we got there, and we had a tense half hour when we weren’t sure whether they were going to show up or not. Fortunately, they did.

The tour was fantastic. The coach was nice and warm and our guide was super knowledgeable, and so we picked up a lot of info.

Our first stop was at Þingvellir National Park, where the Icelandic Parliament first met over 1,000 years ago. It sits on the North American and Eurasian tectonic plates, which are drifting slowly apart, and so there are some stunning chasms and a long walkway. We saw the stone that the old chiefs used to stand on, as well as the site where they used to drown women by putting them in burlap sacks filled with stones. Most of the witches were men, who got burned at the stake; the women were incestuous, unfaithful or guilty of infanticide due to leaving unwanted babies to freeze to death in the snow.

We just had time to grab a coffee and browse the gift shop and then we were off to our next destination, Strokkur Waterspout. We saw some steam and some hot water bubbling out of the ground, but we were too cold to wait around for a geyser. Instead, we had a quick wander and then sat inside. Shay spent £40 on a bracelet and I got more magnets, a French book of Icelandic fairy tales and a piece of volcanic rock that had been turned into a tealight holder.

Our next stop was Gullfoss, or the Golden Waterfall. In the early 1900s, there were plans to turn it into a hydroelectric dam, but a young woman called Sigríður Tómasdóttir took offence. She loved the falls and when her father (who part-owned the land) refused to stop the development, she walked barefoot to Reykjavik – which was 71.5 miles away – and begged parliament to intervene, saying that when the first construction equipment arrived, she’d throw herself over the falls. She needn’t have bothered. Parliament didn’t’ intervene, but the plans fell through anyway.

It was a beautiful place, and we got some great photos, especially when the sun started to set. Shay said it was her favourite place in the whole world. She got some goodies from the gift shop there, too.

Then it was time to head back to the hotel, but we only got halfway. Our bus was blown off the road, down a hill and into a snowbank by a strong gust of wind. A lot of people panicked, but I was mostly annoyed because I needed to take a leak.

It took an hour and a half for the police and a replacement bus to arrive, and the driver killed a little time by telling us a ghost story. The whole thing reminded me of Bram Stoker’s Snowbound and has inspired a book idea…

The second coach stopped at some services that were frankly unprepared for thirty full bladders, and then someone in a car cut us up and almost caused a second accident. But we made it back to the city, survived the walk to our hotel and now we’re in bed with the radiator on. What a day.

 

Snowbound

We almost died

today.

 

Not from the ice

we kept slipping on

or the snow

falling from the roofs

in the smoky bay

of Reykjavik.

 

Not from the cold,

the biting wind

that left my hands

stigmataed,

looking like an eczema plague

made me a zombie.

 

Not by shifting tectonics,

nor by being burned

at the stake

as a heretic,

a cis white witch

with a dick,

or a mother

who left her baby

on her doorstep.

 

Not from the geysers

bubbling from the ground,

80-100 degrees Celsius

so don’t dip your hands in,

not in visitor’s centres

or because of the weather,

the coldest winter in 100 years,

they say if you don’t like it,

wait 20 minutes

and it’ll change.

 

Not from a computer,

it’s called a tölva;

not from the prophetess of numbers

or her disciples.

 

Not in a forest,

either;

if you get lost in the woods,

stand up,

the trees aren’t as tall

as you are.

 

Not from a horse

or an Icelander;

not from telling them

you love their ponies.

 

Not from the golden waterfall,

either from going down in a barrel

or hiking barefoot to parliament.

 

We almost died

today;

our bus hit

a crosswind

in a blizzard.

And we skidded

off the road

into a snowdrift.

 

And our bladders burst

while waiting

to be rescued.

 

3/2/23

Writing is hard today because the cold has made my eczema worse, to the point at which I only have three unaffected fingers and my hands just bleed and ooze by themselves, now.

We slept like a pair of logs, except or when I went to take a leak and woke Shay up. We had to check out by ten and so we packed our stuff and headed out into the snow. It was weird because we ended up walking down Laugavegur at 9:30 AM and it was still pre-dawn. Most places were closed, although we stopped off at a hippie shop for souvenirs.

Our first real stop was the Icelandic Punk Museum, which is in a converted public toilet. It was cool to wander around but pretty small, though for 1,000 krona, you can’t complain. There was a guitar there you could play and it was actually in tune, so I ran through the chord progression for Watch the Planet Die.

We were hungry after that and so we were going to go to a place called Vegan World Peace, but it turned out to be closed due to water damage. We went to The Laundromat instead, where I had the best vegan brunch I’ve ever had, with elements of a cooked breakfast plus fruit, pancakes and granola.

Our next stop was Kattakaffihusid, the cat café. I had a coffee and we chatted to a few of the cats, so Biggie will be jealous when we get home. It was a great experience and even better because you could go in for free, unlike most of the cat cafes I’ve heard of in the UK.

Then we walked towards the harbour and checked out the Aurora Centre. The snow and ice was treacherous and the wind was insane because there were fewer buildings to shield us. The museum was cool, though. We learned a lot about the aurora, watched some video footage on a huge screen while lying on bean bags and tried on some VR headsets, which I’ve somehow never done before. They gave out free coffee to visitors, too.

That was our last attraction, and so we walked from there to the BSI bus station, almost dying in the process from the traffic and the weather. We had time for a coffee (and some pizza for Shay), and then we took the bus to the airport.

The wind was insane on the road and so we’re lucky that we didn’t have a repeat of yesterday’s accident. We’re both shattered and so I tried to nap, but I just ended up feeling travel sick.

Now we’re at Keflavik Airport, but our flight’s been delayed by an hour and so we’re hanging out at Joe the Juice and waiting for our departure gate to be announced.

 

Steroid Cream

A man’s hands

are the tools with which

he marks the world,

the automatic weaponry

he fights his wars with.

 

Without his hands,

he’s ‘armless,

he’s a snow shovel

on the beaches

of Normandy.

 

This man’s hands

are red with anger,

anger at another man

who took his sweet time

at a photo booth.

 

The skin is flayed

like the Boltons’ banner,

fingers cracked and weeping

like a patient

on a psych ward.

 

Like an honest politician,

they hurt when they bend,

and also

they’re non-existent.

 

They’re nothing but pain

and inflammation.

 

4/2/23

The flight home was okay once we were finally able to board, but it was two hours late in the end because the bad weather delayed our plane coming in. It also took forever to get through customs, especially because the automated passport scanner didn’t work for me and so after waiting in one queue, I had to wait in another. They asked me a bunch of questions about why my passport hadn’t worked and so I had to explain that I have no control over whether or how their computer system works.

Tracy was good enough to pick us up and take us home, and so we made our way to meet her at the medium stay car park and then headed home, arriving at mine at about 1 AM. The original goal had been to get back at 10:30 PM.

Biggie had missed us, and so we gave him some fuss for a little while and then ordered a pizza. We ate that while watching Buzzfeed Unsolved, then I finished sorting through my photos and we passed out.

Iceland trip = complete.

 

Icelandic food and drink reviews from Shay:

XL New York style cheese pizza: These are delicious. They come warm and they are the size of two pieces of normal pizza. They are delicious and by far my favourite so far. 7/10Cinnamon stick: It comes warm but not the best and quite dry. It did have chocolate syrup on top but most of it got stuck to the bag. 1/10Icelandic chocolate milk chocolate with toffee and sea salt: Delicious, addictive, flavoursome chocolate. Worth the money and hard to just have one piece. The toffee and sea salt adds the perfect amount of sweetness. I would definitely buy it again if I had the chance. 9/10Hot chocolate with whipped cream and chocolate chips: Warm hot chocolate for the cold weather. The presentation was fabulous and looked really tasty. The chocolate I had before may have dampened the taste. It wasn’t the best in the world. It had a bit of a weird flavour and was a little bit chalky. 3/10Caramel milkshake: This milkshake was super sweet, just how I like it. It came with whipped cream which adds the perfect amount of decoration and thickness. They were very generous with the caramel and whipped cream. It’s worth the money and I wish I bought two. 10/10Blueberry pancakes with maple syrup and butter: These pancakes were really filling so I wasn’t able to finish them. They were super generous with the maple syrup and butter. They were really nice but lacking a bit of flavour. 6/10Aurora centre coffee with oat milk: The coffee was lukewarm and watery. 0/10Næra icelandic skyr snack strawberry crunch: It’s okay for the price but really dry. Feels like eating cereal without milk. 3/10XL New York style Hawaiian pizza: This pizza was even better than the cheese one which I didn’t think was possible. It was super filling and I would definitely buy it again. 8/10

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Black Solstice is in ‘Twas the Fright Before Christmas in Deathlehem

Hi, folks! Dane here, and today I’m here to let you know that one of my stories, Black Solstice, is featured in a new anthology called ‘Twas the Fright Before Christmas in Deathlehem: An Anthology of Holiday Horrors for Charity.

Available now in ebook format (with print to follow), ‘Twas the Fright Before Christmas in Deathlehem is a Christmas-themed horror anthology with seventeen stories in where all of the proceeds go to the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation.

Black Solstice is featured alongside stories by authors like Janet Alcorn, Mike Marcus, Liam Hogan, Nathan D. Ludwig, Evan Baughfman, Matt Starr and D. S. Ullery, with Michael Evans and Harrison Graves on editing duty.

You can find out more about the book by clicking here to check it out on Amazon. Be sure to order your copy to do your bit for indie horror and a fantastic charity at the same time!

As always, thanks so much for all of your support, and be sure to follow me on your social networking sites of choice for more. I’ll see you soon!

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Genius Books Signs Up to Republish Meat

Hi, folks! Dane here, and today I wanted to share a quick update to let you know that I’ve signed a deal with Genius Books to republish Meat.

Genius has some great authors on their books (pun intended), and company head Steven W. Booth has also written a zombie series with Harry Shannon, and I recently read and reviewed the first book in the series. You can check that out here.

Steven is also going to be a guest on The Arts Show, my radio show/podcast, and that will be coming out sometime in the next month or so. I’m hoping to speak to some more Genius authors, too!

It’s still early days for our collaboration as we’ve only just signed the contract, but we’re looking at carrying out a few edits, giving it a new cover and just generally refreshing it to make it the best it can possibly be.

Meat is due for re-release in June of 2023, and so keep your eyes peeled for that. In the meantime, now’s your chance to pick up the first edition, which will be discontinued when the Genius version comes out. Click here to check that out on Amazon.

As always, thanks so much for your support and for reading, and be sure to follow me on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Goodreads, Twitter, LinkedIn and TikTok for more. You can also click here to check out the Genius Books website. I’ll see you soon!

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Vegan Campout 2022 Journal

15/07/22

Hello, and welcome to another one of my “special” journals. I just hope I remember to write in it. I’m currently sitting on a chair outside my tent with a Red Stripe while I debate my next move.

But first, a poem? Maybe.

 

Water

Shay would love this

probably,

I mean

she’d cry at the prices

like I had a crisis

in the queue

when I thought

I might be dying.

I turned out fine,

I just needed water.

I’m camping lonely,

the only one I know,

kept on my toes

except for when

I’m sitting.

Went Tony Blair Witch,

found Paul and Ringo

playing drum and bass

in the forest,

found my way back out

and spilled my Red Stripe,

that’s £1.20 gone

right there.

Held the crystal

round my neck

as though it could save me,

kissed the hand that held me

and felt like a psychopath,

but psychos don’t worry

they’re psychos,

so I’m probably fine,

I just need water.

Did you know

it makes up most of

your body?

And space scares me

and I wouldn’t be an astronaut,

she’s already out of this world

and I look like

an alien,

carbon-based

but only barely.

I grock her so much

it scares me.

 

Poem confirmed. Now let’s go back to the beginning.

I had anxiety dreams last night and my pulse dropped to 48 bpm, but I didn’t die. I must be an Olympic athlete. Woke up at around 9 AM and had one last pass at sorting the house, then grabbed my shit and headed off.

It was a pretty smooth journey. I took the train to Marylebone, the tube to Euston and then a train to Rugby, the same train that continues on to Tamworth. There were a ton of people milling around when I arrived and so I joined them, and then the busses started showing up and so we formed a queue. I’d say I was waiting for an hour or so and then it was a 15-minute transfer.

It took about an hour or two to get in and it was hard work because I had to keep on grabbing my rucksack and dragging it around. When I reached the halfway point, I started feeling anxious because I had the shakes, but I was just hungry and dehydrated. Luckily, they were giving out free drinks and snacks once you got in, so that sorted me right out.

I found the lonelies area without too much of a problem and pitched my tent, and then I went for a wander. There’s a bar and a coffee shop in the field I’m in, and it’s a five-minute walk to the main area. The stalls are separated pretty nicely so that you first go through merch and accessories and stuff and then get to a short stretch that’s all food, starting with desserts and then getting to the main courses. I’m not used to being this spoiled for choice, but I eventually settled on Chinese, which was delicious.

I wandered back to the tent after that to make sure I could find it, stopping along the way to check out some drum ‘n’ bass in the forest and to fill up my water bottle. I stopped at the bar for a Red Stripe, too.

I’ve been writing since then, but I’m getting ready to have another wander. The signal sucks here but the 4G works a little better in the main area. There’s a rock and indie pre-party happening somewhere, too.

There’s a woman with an annoying voice pitching her tent next to mine. She’s very vocal and upset about where my tent is because it stops her and her friends from pitching their three massive tents next to each other. But I’m camping in the lonelies section. The whole point is that if you’re in a group, you don’t camp there.

Anyway, I’ve gone for another walk and picked up a Red Strip, which admittedly I spilled. And now I’m sitting on the grass and drinking it. Thug life.

 

The Hate U Give Little Infants Fucks Everybody

and U still give it,

forgive me for writing

like my girlfriend.

It’s not like she learned to text

on a 3210.

I spilled my Red Stripe

again

and it’s five English pounds

for a cold can,

but I don’t mind

I get paid in dollars.

I got a bruise on my leg

the size of Canada,

it doesn’t really hurt

because it feels like a bite,

it itches like

a motherfucker.

It itches like

a Jeremy Usborne.

 

16/7/22

I went back to the tent for a nap after my Red Stripe. It had been a long day and I was also annoyed with people. It turns out that just because people are vegan, it doesn’t make them any less sucky. I like individual people, but I can’t stand people as a whole.

Plus a drunk guy tried to start a fight with me. Which reminds me.

 

Crabs On Ketamine

I could take you,

angry Welshman,

I’m a lover

not a fighter,

but you’re a

dickhead.

I could floor you

without throwing a punch,

I mean

it takes your two friends

just to hold you up,

and you’re walking

like a crab

on ketamine.

You tried to fucken fight

a man with a child,

he was giving his kid a piggyback

and you called him

a cunt.

Me,

I’m a pacifist,

I don’t throw hands

in fights or dance floors,

I hurt myself

and not the people

around me,

when I was seventeen

I got punched in the face

for refusing to defend myself.

I could take you,

angry Welshman,

but I think your friends

could wipe the floor with me.

 

I woke back up at about half ten and was desperate for a piss, so I sorted that out and then went to get some food from Doner Summer. I had fries with vegan doner meat and habanero sauce, and it was incredible.

Then I went back to the tent and read my book (Absolute Proof by Peter James) and texted Shay, because the internet still sucks and I didn’t want her to worry about me. There was drum ‘n’ bass in the forest about 50 feet from me and so that kept me up until 1:30, and then people were singing pop songs off key until 3. I didn’t get much sleep.

I woke up at 8:30 or so due to the heat and read some more while listening to my annoying neighbours complain about how cold it had been overnight. I’d been fine. I had my clothes on and a sleeping bag.

I killed off a Pipeline Punch and a cup of coffee and then went to the main arena for breakfast – curried goats from Jam Delish. It loved up to its name, and it was cool because I’d never had curried goat before. That had habanero in it, too.

Now I’m at the main stage to see Monami Frost, who I’ve followed for a couple of years or so since I got a free copy of her cookbook. She’s super nervous, but then I would be too.

 

Monami Frost:

Cookbook was self-publishedShe did all of the photographySold out in the first week

 

It was a good talk and she settled into it nicely, plus she got a lot of applause, which I think helped. I’d forgotten that she’s from Latvia as well, which is cool because I’ve been there. I wonder whether her husband is based in a Liverpool tattoo parlour, I’m already craving more ink. Maybe I’ll message Julia at Black Dahlia when I get back.

I’m now sitting just outside the back of the activism tent so that I can vape and drink a Red Stripe while I listen to Klaus from Plant-Based News. Then I’ll head back to the tent to recharge (my phone and myself) before I come back for food and Heather Mills.

 

Klaus Mitchell

“Writing required a pen and paper before the computer. The same thing is going to happen with meat.”Slaughter is so 20th century. He’s basically saying that meat and dairy in the future will be lab grown. Controversial, but I agree and he’s making a good argument.Taking animals out of the equation is easier and cheaper, as well as more ethical and better for the planet.“Beside from being disgusting, it’s also a bad business model.”Burger King is going 50% plant-based by 2030.According to the University of Oxford, vegan products are 30% cheaper.The average person consumes 20,000 animals in their lifetime.3 in 4 novel infectious diseases over the last 30 years are due to meat production, not including COVID-19.Do meat alternatives need to replicate fat content etc. and is that bad for health? It’ll be as bad for individual health but better for public health due to the above. Plus there are more pressing concerns. Societal obesity is irrelevant if we don’t have a planet to live on.The Economist said that by 2040, 60% of meat will be lab grown.

 

I headed back to the tent for a snooze after that. Then I went to take a leak and on my way back, I heard someone calling my name. It turned out to be Rob Terry, who I went to school with. I haven’t seen him for seventeen years, which is honestly kind of crazy, although I’ve chatted to him on social media. He told me that his sister read Meat and that it’s on his list for whenever he gets chanced. I’ve read a couple of his dad’s books, too. We’re hopefully going to meet up later on.

But I was hungry, so I went for some Hogless Roast. I’ve never had it before and it was delicious, although I couldn’t help thinking about when Rebecca took me to her friend’s wedding and I literally ran away when they started grilling a pig. Now I’m drinking Red Stripe in the sun and waiting for Heather Mills.

 

Everything You Say is Poetry/Alpacas On My Screen: A Found Poem

It seems like

every time I think about you,

you text right

after;

it’s so weird.

The world is

so small,

I can’t wait to see you again,

I miss you so much.

U calling me ur

girlfriend,

I will never get over

That,

I love it.

I’d prefer not to kill you

at all,

but I guess

if I had to

I could make a fire

happen.

Drowning is

easier.

Anyway,

carry on.

I am the fastest

out of everyone

I’ve ever met

I’ve ever met

I’ve ever met,

omg

that came through

three times,

hahahaha.

I’m even faster

if I abbreviate.

Sorry,

rant over,

you don’t have to

respond to it.

It’s not that interesting,

just some alpacas

on my screen.

 

Heather Mills

“Every time someone starts a sentence with ‘the problem is’, I leave the room. There are no problems, only solutions.”“Most people talk bullshit. If I say something, I do it.”Cleared 21 million acres of mine-filled fields.“That’s what the bullshit of celebrity does. The animals don’t have a voice, but we do.”Her company (V-Bites) is behind the vegan fish and chips in Greene King.Launched her vegan makeup company after speaking in the Middle East. She learned that a lot of Muslim women were using eye makeup that contained pig and so wasn’t halal.They’re behind the vegan smoked Applewood. Applewood didn’t want it and so they gave them the first order for free. Now Applewood is a big customer thanks to buyer demand.

 

Heather Mills was surprisingly good. I didn’t know a lot of the cool shit that she’s done. I’m back at the tent now with an Elvis Juice, but I’m off to meet Rob and his missus for Simon Amstell in a minute.

 

Simon Amstell

“These people are so young they think there’s time to be shy.”“We’re not vegans, they’re carnists.”

 

Evanna Lynch

She wants to write a book.“A lot of my activism was a response to trauma”. But the animals don’t need trauma survivors. They need the healthy people.We need the disruptors and the protestors, but we also need the creators. “We need artists as much as we need activists.”“The more you look after yourself, the more you can give back and be generous.”

 

Flat Earthers Don’t Get Hangovers

Is the world still spinning

or is it me?

I guess if it stopped

we’d be thrown into space

and I’d never see my girl

again.

Checked the time

and it’s eleven eleven,

spilled chilli dog

all down my leg

because fucking

gravity.

I feel my age again,

black dots dancing

in front of my eyes,

no water in the taps

so when I went for a shit,

I couldn’t wash my hands,

made do with soap

and alcohol.

Watched legs flash past,

saw tattoos and thoughts of Nazis

making lamps

from human skin,

bought a necklace

made with ivy

and no animals.

Killed a coffee

like she kills simulations,

drank water simultaneous

while the sky fell in.

Wrote pessimistic poems

where the pages fall out,

became a narcissistic empath

without the empathy.

Wished I could speak

British Sign Language,

heard the lake smells like shit

and wisely avoided it.

Sent her text messages

while she slept,

watched the bin men

play Jenga

in the sunshine.

Tried to breathe.

Couldn’t breathe.

Kept breathing

anyway.

 

Mic the Vegan

75% of new diseases are zoonotic.“The next pandemic will probably be caused by animal agriculture.”Leprosy comes from water buffalo.Whooping cough comes from sheep/pigs.Strep throat comes from cows.MERS comes from camels.SARS-1 comes from civets.NIDAH comes from pigs.AIDS comes from monkeys.Common cold variants come from horses.COVID’s Denmark variant comes from mink.Influenza comes from ducks with new strains from chickens.The 1918 flu killed up to 100 million people and most likely came from a small chicken farm. It’s not just a risk associated with factory farming.80% of Amazon destruction is due to cattle farming.Less biodiversity means a higher chance of pandemics.“Human carnivory threatens one quarter of all vertebrates.”More people will die of antibiotic resistance than cancer by 2050 according to some worst case scenario predictions.People who are even loosely vegan have a 73% lowered risk of getting COVID according to the British Medical Journal.Studies show that low carb diets increase mortality by about 30%.

 

Nimai Delgado

“Strength is about standing up for what you believe in.”“Most people confuse compassion for weakness, but I believe compassion is the ultimate strength.”Sanskrit is the oldest known surviving written language, around 5,000 years old.Akimsa: Non-violence, compassion for all living things.65% of the world’s population is intolerant to lactose.Lactose increases oestrogen production by 26% within 30-60 minutes.The average vegan eats 70% more protein than they need.27% of the world’s fresh water supply is used to grow food for farmed animals.Being a vegan body builder saves 600,000 gallons of water per year.“Never doubt how much of an impact you can have on the world around you.”

 

17/7/22

Simon Amstel was great, especially when he cracked some jokes about the BSL interpreters. He was losing his voice, but he still pulled off a good show.

After that, I went for a dance and some reggae with Macca B before meeting back up with Rob and crew for Evanna Lynch. She gave a great talk, but I didn’t take many notes. But I think a lack of notes isn’t necessarily an indicator of the quality of the talk.

Then I went for a further dance with Lukas Brooks, a DJ who was playing some bangers, including some grime and hip-hop and a fucking filthy remix of Sandstorm by Darude. I’/d had a few beers and sent Shay some soppy texts, but I don’t think she minded.

 

Bianca Taylor

In the US alone, 25 million animals are slaughtered every day.We know that “energy” can be scientifically measured. As in the energy in a room or between a group of people. I don’t know about that.At the age of 30, your bone health peaks. Bummer.“Hurt people hurt people.”If you have a bad mental health day, look after yourself like you’d look after someone else.

 

I debated going to the drum ‘n’ bass rave in the forest after that, but I was pretty drunk and there were a lot of people, so I went back to the tent and passed out instead.

I woke up at about 9 AM this morning with a hangover and was struggling with the heat. There was also no power at the coffee place, so I sorted myself out and headed to the main arena. I had a hotdog from Popdogs and it was okay, but just being okay amongst so much amazing food has made it my weakest meal so far. It’s also the only time I’ve still been hungry after finishing.

Mic the Vegan was up first and he was fascinating, as always. He delivered a science-based speech on pandemics, which was kind of a back-up for him because he’d been hoping to use the WiFi. He also only just made it after flight delays and having COVID.

Nimai Delgado was on next, and I bumped into Rob and hung out with hum for a while. I was pleasantly surprised by how good the talk was, it might have been one of the best so far. Matt Pritchard was great, too. I didn’t know a lot of the crazy shit he’s been up to since Dirty Sanchez, such as rowing across the Atlantic and doing 30 Iron Man triathlons in 30 days.

After that, I queued up for fish and chips from No Catch, which was delicious. Then I headed over to the Mind and Body tent for the first time to watch Bianca Taylor, although I missed the start. Her talk was pretty good but the Q&A afterwards was great. Probably the most engaging Q&A so far.

I was feeling a little sick after that, so I went back to my tent for a lie down before returning to the arena and getting another Donerteller from Doner Summer. Because I was feeling shit, I didn’t make any more notes. In fact, it’s now two weeks later and I still need to finish this thing.

I caught most of JME’s set, but I watched from near the back due to not feeling great. He was good though, and you could tell he was having a great time. Then I went to see Earthling Ed, who was fantastic. I’d left my notebook at the tent though, so I had to write my notes inside the book I was reading.

 

Earthling Ed

We kill 100 million sharks every year. They kill six people, mostly because they mistake us for seals.1 million chickens a week die in UK farms before even making it to slaughter.“It’s not a bad apple, the entire tree is rotten from the ground up.” – On people saying that abuse only happens at a few bad farms.“I can’t wait for a day when we don’t have Vegan Campout because every campout is a vegan campout.”

 

I didn’t stick around to watch Ed’s DJ set and Rob and family headed home, so I just went back to the tent and packed my stuff up. I was dreading having to wait until 1:30 AM for the D ‘n’ B to finish so I could get some sleep, but it only went on until 12.

That meant I was able to get a little sleep, and because everything was packed, I was up and ready to go by about half eight. I packed my tent away but ended up throwing it out anyway because the zip was broke and it exploded out of its carry bag, so I had no way to transport it.

I didn’t really know how I was going to get home so I just walked towards the entrance and hoped for the best. I ended up meeting a couple from York who were getting into a taxi, and they were kind enough to let me cadge a lift. They almost missed their train, but I had just enough time to slip them a tenner.

And then I headed back home via London. It only took me a couple of hours and it flew by because I had a signal again and could get online. As you can imagine, Biggie was happy to see me.

Let’s end with a poem.

 

Shay-kin All Over

It’s the aftermath,

the taking down of tents

and the riding of trains,

it’s the death of freedom

and the birth of servitude,

the trading of time for money

running bars or selling condoms,

it’s the drinking of coffee in front rooms

as we wait for death,

it’s the love I have for you

and we for each other.

It’s the reluctant return

to normality.

The post Vegan Campout 2022 Journal first appeared on DaneCobain.com.

Paris Journal (June 2022)

10/06/22

Okay, well hello and shit.

I left for St. Pancras at about 1 PM, after making sure Biggie had enough food and water. I also bought him two more toy mice that can be filled with Dreamies. I know from experience that he can cope without me, but I saw a cat mom on TikTok being slated for leaving her cat alone for 36 hours.

Biggie will be alone for four days, if you don’t count Dave and Sabrina checking in on him.

Anyway, I did the last of my housework and then left. I was going to stop for an overpriced beer at St. Pancras, but they told me if I took a seat they’d serve me, and then 20 minutes later, check-in opened and so I just left them to it. Reminder to self to leave a bad review.

 

Excusez-moi

Excusez-moi

monsieur,

je ne parle pas

la langue

et je veux voir

des chatons.

Je m’en fiche,

donc je sais

que tu sais

que tu devrais

gouter mon porc,

mais je suis

vegetalien.

J’ai un amie

avec les bras,

mais je ne veux pas

les toucher.

Je suis

seule,

comme ma

biere.

 

The Eurostar wasn’t too bad. I read about a hundred pages of Harry Potter in French along the way and shared my USB charger with the lady who was sitting next to me. He was very stressed about not being able to get online but she was nice. She also smelled like corporate fear.

Not that I can talk.

By the time I arrived in Paris, I was desperate for a wee. Most people just pissed against the wall, but I held up hope for a pissoir that never materialised. I ended up buying a pint in a random bar and pissing there, but at least I practiced my French.

Eventually, I made it to my hotel.

I’m staying in a bit of a shithole, but I’ve seen worse. It’s a room above a bar, but there’s an on-site black panther and so I need to get some Dreamies for him. I forgot to pay for my Stella and they chased me down for it. I’m just so used to paying before the transaction instead of after it.

From tghere, I went to where I am now, an Irish bar called the Guinness Bar. It’s less than a mile from my hotel and has some free live music. The Google reviews say you’ll spend up to 10 EUR per pint, but mine was 6.50. Plus all the other live music I found was 30 EUR plus just to get in.

It remains to be seen if it’s any good. Here’s a conversation I had:

ME: Parlez-vous Anglais?

THEM: Non.

ME: De rien, est-ce que vous saved a quelle heure la musique commence?

THEM: Half ten.

 

Well.

Well.

I was kicked out, and from what I understood, c’etait parce que je n’ai pas beaucoup de femmes.

I also got kicked out of a private party, where a bunch of pissed British people were singing Hey Jude. Fortunately, I made it back to the hotel, where they didn’t refuse to serve me and didn’t care if I wrote in my notebook.

 

11/06/2022

My last entry is even harder to read than the rest of my handwriting, but de rien.

Basically, I was kicked out of the bar before the music started. No reason was given, but they’d been watching me suspiciously while I was writing and didn’t seem keen to let me in in the first place. Sorry for two ins. I think it was also because I was a male by himself and they wanted more groups of young women in there.

On the way back, I heard a bunch of drunk English people singing Hey Jude and went into another bar, but I was immediately escorted out because it was a private party. So I just went back to the hotel and had another pint there. I wrote my last untidy entry while standing up outside.

Anyway, I slept okay, although I was woken up at about nine ish by people moving about. I also couldn’t have a lie in because of how loud it was.

I left at about ten, too late to go to the flea market that I intended to visit because I had tickets for the Louvre at noon. I tried to buy a vegan panini on my way, but after I’d waited for ten minutes or so after placing my order, they told me it would be another half an hour, so I gave up and went for a coffee instead. Unfortunately, it sent my heart rate through the roof.

 

Panic Attacks at the Louvre

My doctor says

I should stop drinking

coffee.

Picture the scene,

33 years young

and one step closer

to death,

I’m about

to break.

Used my rudimentary French

to order magic bean juice,

une café noir Americano

s’il-vous plait,

and the guy with moustache

understood me.

I guess I drank it

too fast.

Paid up quickly

and tried to walk it off,

made it to the Louvre

beneath the blazing sun,

my beating heart

@ 170 BPM,

the queue to get in

stretching 300 metres,

and that’s if

they’d booked in

advance.

All alone

in a foreign country,

able to speak the lingo

but not to stop shaking.

Back to the hotel

to sweat and shiver,

left arm tingling

while the right writes,

bon anniversaire

and go fuck yourself.

Putain de merde

et je crois

que je suis

en train de mourir,

surrounded by skulls

in Parisien catacombs.

I can’t help wishing

this was Amsterdam.

 

So yeah, I had a god-awful panic attack that went on for four hours or so. I also didn’t actually go into the Louvre because even though I’d bought my ticket in advance, the advance queue had about 300 people in it. I was super hot and sweaty and so I didn’t want to queue, especially with bad anxiety.

Instead, I walked back to the hotel and lay on my bed for a while. I put Red Dwarf on my laptop and fell asleep for a little while.

I felt a little better when I woke up, but I still wasn’t at 100%. I’d say it took a good 12 hours to get back to normal.

I had entry to the Catacombs booked for 6:30, but I wasn’t sure whether to actually go. Fortunately, Jo talked me down and convinced me to give it a shot, so I squeezed into the metro and headed across town. It was busy as the London Underground at its busiest.

I got there a little early and so I was going to sit in the park for a while with my book. Then a homeless man came and sat next to me and he smelled so bad that I had to get away. It was like sour milk.

And so I joined the queue and made my way into the Catacombs. They were fascinating enough to begin with because of the fact that they were once a working mine, and then we got to the bones/ My goodness, there were a lot of them. Weirdly, considering my death anxiety, I felt okay once I was there.

I got some postcards and some fridge magnets from the gift shop, as well as a copy of Pet Semetary in French.

After that, I crowded onto the metro again to go back to the hotel. I put my feet up for another episode of Red Dwarf and then popped out for some food from the vegan Thai restaurant around the corner. It was so delicious that I might go back.

And that’s me officially up-to-date, at least for now. I’ll try to get some sleep soon. In the meantime, I guess I’m going to write a few postcards.

 

Selfies in the Graveyard

They’re taking selfies

in the graveyard,

they’re taking selfies

while I sit on the bench

by Jean Paul Sartre

and Simone de Beauvoir.

It seems it’s tradition

to leave metro tickets,

snapped cigarettes for smokers

and Susan Sontag had

a pen and a pencil.

I’ve got nothing to give

except an Ilk badge,

and somehow

I don’t think

that’s appropriate.

I’ve got my blood

because I bit

my fingernails.

I spoke in French

to a friendly lady,

she was sleeping leaves

from the family mausoleum,

gave me directions to Baudelaire

and I told her I’d already seen

Guy de Maupassant,

talk about déjà vu.

I’ve found

people are kinder

in the presence of death,

it gives us some sort

of false perspective.

They’re taking selfies

in the graveyard,

46.2 acres,

twelve hundred trees

and 42,000 burial sites.

They’re taking selfies

in the graveyard,

and I only filmed

for TikTok.

 

12/06/22

I didn’t get much sleep last night because the people in the room next to me were being super loud, but I did manage to grab a shower this morning. The only downside is that the hotel doesn’t provide towels and I hadn’t brought any, so I had to dry myself off with my used clothes.

As it’s a Sunday, it seemed like a good time to visit the graveyards. I did both Père-Lachaise and Montparnasse, and I saw Guy de Maupassant, Baudelaire, Samuel Beckett, Serge Gainsbourg, Susan Sontag, Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir, Honore de Balzac, Marcel Proust, Apollinaire, Oscar Wilde, Gertrude Stein, Edith Piaf, Moliere, Jim Morrison and Frederic Chopin.

I also stopped on a bench next to Sartre and de Beauvoir and wrote a poem.

From there, I headed back to the hotel to put my feet up for a while. It’s getting towards food time now and so I’m going to head off to a vegan burger bar.

 

Eiffel Haiku

I can’t help thinking

that Gustave Eiffel is dead;

the sun is shining.

 

13/06/22

The food from the burger bar was great, although I had to take it away because they weren’t open for dining in. I demolished the food (nachos, fries, a burger, a drink and a cookie for 20 EUR) back in my room, then went for a wander to find a bar. I got myself a drink (for 10.50 EUR) and read my book for a while, but I felt super uncomfortable and so I went back after that. And then the internet wasn’t working and so I just got an early night.

I slept for twelve hours and so I must have needed it. By then, I’d got a pretty good morning routine sorted and so I had an energy drink, gathered my stuff and headed out. First stop, Le Tour Eiffel.

There was a pretty big queue, followed by another one to get into the lift, but it was worth it. There were some stunning views, even though I didn’t go to the top. That floor was closed when I got there, and even though it was open by the time I got my tickets, I was already prepared just to go to the second floor. It was still more than worth doing, and something I can finally tick off after three visits to the city (that I remember). Apparently I also came here while I was in my mother’s womb.

Afterwards, I went to the gift shop for magnets and a colouring sheet of the city that can be framed once it’s done. I sat by some Russians who were repeatedly practicing the phrase “je veux des billets”. And the beer was cheaper halfway up the tower than it was in the bar I went to the night before.

I also got asked to leave two more places. The first was a post office, because they’re the only place in the city where masks are mandatory, apparently. The second was a bookshop, because I had a coffee due to the vegan coffee shop finally being open. Luckily, there was a used bookshop just around the corner, where I found two Asterix BDs and four Isaac Asimov books that are on my wish list in English.

I’m currently back at the hotel, drinking a beer and charging my phone. I learned that the hotel cat is called Kiki (Gigi en francais) after Kiki the Sorcerer. I’m planning on trying the Louvre again, where I’d have around two hours to get in and look around before closing time. But I’d have time to (hopefully) see the Mona Lisa and check out the antiquities, which is the main thing I want to do. And at least I could say that I’d been.

 

Further observations on Paris:

There are more sex shops there than there are in Amsterdam.Homelessness is rife.Graffiti is a problem, but not as much as it is in Milan.People openly piss in the street.More people should wear bras. There are nipples protruding through t-shirts everywhere you look.

 

Update: I made it back to the Louvre and there were maybe 10% as many people there as before, but they were only letting people in if they had pre-booked tickets. I had one, but for Saturday, so I was shit out of luck.

And so I decided to go to the National Library, via the post office so I could send my postcards. Unfortunately, the library was closed, either shut up early for that day or in general. So I just walked back to the hotel for another beer. I haven’t checked the internet yet. I’ll probably go back to the vegan burger place in a bit because that was both tasty and around the corner.

 

It’s True What They Say

It’s true what they say

about the French,

they’ll break your heart

and make you think

the world is ending,

and then a man will eat a monkey

and the world will end.

Or maybe

that’s just what happened

to me.

They’ll piss in the streets,

they’ll wear no bra

and a tight shirt,

they’ll take your eye out

with a nipple

and charge £10 for a beer,

blowing smoke in your face

while you count cinquante-six

missing millilitres.

They will not appreciate

those seven years you spent

learning the language.

If you’re lucky,

they’ll sell you things,

if they think you’re their kind

of customer.

They’ll say “sante”

when they bring you a beer

if they deign to serve you.

It’s true,

they’re not all bad,

there’s a lady at Montparnasse Cemetary

giving directions to Baudelaire,

and Zaid at the Hotel du Globe

is a legend,

they called their cat Gigi

because of Studio Ghibli.

A child on the metro

almost smiled at me,

and even Noemie

wouldn’t watch the planet die,

she cared about seasonal vegetables

more than she cared about me.

The British tourists are obnoxious,

Americans less so but more obvious;

the Germans are nice

and love their families.

The Russians are embarrassed,

they must know what we think of them,

I don’t mean to get political

but I can understand the rise of the right

in French politics,

I’m more conservative than I’d like to admit,

my government is my only reflection,

but at least I’m not a Russian man

afraid to say,

“Je veux des billets.”

It’s true what they say

about the Germans

and the Russians

and the Americans.

I’ve just never fallen in love

with one.

 

14/06/22

Last day in Paris: complete.

I went to the vegan burger place again and so that was good, and then I had one last beer at the bar before trying to get some sleep. I had to sleep with my headphones on because of how noisy it was.

I got up at about ten this morning and had a quick shower, then packed the last of my stuff and went to the vegan coffee shop. I also went back to the second-hand bookshop, where I picked up a few more books for myself and a couple of gifts for Virginie and CJ.

We went to Les Deux Magots, which I think translates to “The Two Mages” instead of “The Two Maggots”. It’s one of the places that Hemingway used to go to, back in the day. The food was pretty expensive (20 EUR for a salad, the only vegan option), but it was also tasty and Virginie picked up the bill, and so I can’t complain. Thanks, Virginie! It was good to meet those guys in the flesh after working together for six months.

From there, we said our goodbyes and I headed off to Le Pont Neuf, which is actually the oldest bridge in the city, despite its name. I picked up a French copy of Death on the Nile from one of the street booksellers and then went to board the Seine cruise.

It was an awesome little tour of the city and the host was great, but there were also a lot of people there and so I couldn’t see much. On the plus side, the guide spoke in French first before translating it into English, and I could pretty much follow along without the translations.

After that, for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to walk the three kilometres to the Gare du Nord. It’s about 26 degrees today and I still haven’t cooled down. I’m through check-in and customs though, so now I’m just waiting to board the Eurostar.

I also had a foot-in-mouth moment. Up to this point, the most embarrassing thing that I’d said was “yes” after someone told me to have a nice day. But at the Gare du Nord, I ordered a café noir and the guy said, “It’s as black as me.” I replied, “And strong and delicious.”

But at least I got to practice my French.

There’s not really anything else for me to add. The rest of the trip is just a formality, with another three or four hours on trains before I arrive home and beg my cat for forgiveness. I’ll spend most of the journey finishing Harry Potter.

And then tomorrow, I’m going to meet Soobie in Leamington Spa so that I can deliver an off-the-cuff presentation on self-publishing to a writer’s group.

Ah, la vie d’ecrivain.

The post Paris Journal (June 2022) first appeared on DaneCobain.com.

Launch Day: The Leipfold Files by Dane Cobain (Leipfold #3)

Hi, folks! Dane here, and today I’m super proud to announce that it’s launch day for The Leipfold Files, the third book in my Leipfold series of quirky cosy mysteries.

In contrast to the first two books (Driven and The Tower Hill Terror), The Leipfold Files is a short story collection that focuses on some of the early cases that James Leipfold took on before he started his private detective consultancy.

You can find out more and order your copy here, or read on to check out the cover and the blurb.

Join a young James Leipfold as he discovers his knack for uncovering the truth and takes the early steps towards forming his detective agency, Leipfold Investigations.

His journey will take him from the deserts of Kuwait to the inside of Reading Jail and have him investigating everything from missing gnomes to drunken Santas and crooked optometrists. Along the way, he befriends a rookie cop named Jack Cholmondeley, helps a widowed army wife find closure, and falls in love with a motorbike he calls Camilla.

This collection brings together 24 James Leipfold short stories, including three shorts that take place between Driven and The Tower Hill Terror. It’s a must for all fans of the Leipfold series and any serious reader of quirky detective novels and cozy mysteries.

The Leipfold Files is out now and available in a range of formats, so be sure to click here to check it out or to grab a copy of Driven or The Tower Hill Terror if you haven’t read them yet.

As always, thanks so much for your support and be sure to give me a follow on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Goodreads or whatever else you fancy. I’ll see you soon!

The post Launch Day: The Leipfold Files by Dane Cobain (Leipfold #3) first appeared on DaneCobain.com.

Major Updates to DaneCobain.com and SocialBookshelves.com

Hi, folks! Dane here, and today’s post is a bit of an update on my marketing efforts, my book progress (or lack thereof) and a few other bits and bobs. And so without further ado, let’s get into it.

 

What’s Changed:

Perhaps the biggest change is that after nine amazing years, I’ve decided to shut down my book blog, SocialBookshelves.com. I first launched it in April 2013, and over the years it’s opened me up to all sorts of amazing opportunities, including literally hundreds of reviews and press trips to York Literature Festival and Latvia.

The good news is that the reviews are staying, they’ve just been moved to a new home here on DaneCobain.com. It basically allows me to bring all of my branding under a single banner and to more effectively promote my own books with the reviews that I write. It also involves a hell of a lot less upkeep. I’ll still going to post them all to Goodreads, and if you enter any of the old URLs, you’ll automatically be forwarded to the same reviews on DaneCobain.com. I’ll also still be making BookTube videos.

I’ve also closed down my freelancing website, Dane-Writes.com, and redirected that to a new freelancing page on DaneCobain.com. Again, it’s all about making everything easier to maintain so that I have one website instead of three.

 

What’s New:

I’ve also been carrying out some improvements to DaneCobain.com. For example, I made sure that my Google Analytics data is being properly captured so that I can get a better understanding of what people are doing when they’re here. I’ve also added a popup that prompts people to join my mailing list. I’ll be using this more often in the future to provide updates about my books and to work with other authors on newsletter swaps to introduce people to more great indie reads, so please do go and sign up if you haven’t already.

I’ve also added a multimedia section to the website, which includes updated versions of my music and video pages, as well as a new section for my radio show.

 

What’s Next:

That’s mostly it for the changes to the website, although I’ll be doing a bunch more marketing stuff behind the scenes. I’m experimenting with Amazon and Facebook ads, and I’m also working on some newsletter swaps and some blogger outreach.

To help me out with the blogger outreach, I’ve hired a virtual assistant called Auggie, who’s going to be shortlisting blogs and reaching out to them on my behalf. She’s doing a great job, and so I also recommended her to my writer buddy and client J. V. Hilliard, who’s now also working with her.

Of course, the big upcoming news is that The Leipfold Files, the third book in the Leipfold series, is due for release on June 1st 2022 through Encircle Publications. It shares some stories about Leipfold’s early years and I can’t wait for you guys to read it!

And of course, I’m also working on a bunch of other stuff, including a bunch of first and second drafts. But I’m also doing a hell of a lot of overtime with my freelance work to help pay for upgrades on my house, and so I don’t want to commit myself by telling you when they’re likely to be out. They’ll be done when they’re done.

That’s about it for today, so thanks so much for checking in and so be sure to head over to my social page and to follow me on your social networking sites of choice. You can also sign up to my mailing list here. I’ll see you soon!

The post Major Updates to DaneCobain.com and SocialBookshelves.com first appeared on DaneCobain.com.