Dane Cobain's Blog

Three Ghost Stories

I’m a big fan of the That Chapter podcast, which I listen to most days when I’m out on my run, and hosts Mike and Keith regularly record Listener Story episodes where they read out spooky and scary true stories from their listeners. I’ve been meaning to send in a story of my own for a while, but I didn’t think I had anything interesting to tell them about.

Then I realised that I had three different things, each of which was too short to be a listener story in its own right. I had to figure out a way to bring the three of them together.

You can judge for yourself whether I was successful.

***

Greetings, Mike and Keith!

My name’s Dane, and today’s story is a three-parter of sorts, revolving around the weird, ghostly connection I seem to have with my dad. Let’s give it a goo.

The first story took place when I was so young that I don’t remember it, but it’s one of the few things that both of my parents agree on.

We used to live in an old, old house in a tiny, tiny village. One night, after my parents had put me to bed, they heard me talking to someone. Given that there were only three of us in the house and this was back in the early 90s, before kids were raised with a smartphone in one hand and a tablet in the other, that seemed unusual.

My dad drew the short straw and went upstairs to check on me, and as he pushed open the door to my room, he peered through the darkness and saw a young girl sitting on the end of my bed. She had a pale face and big, brown eyes that were nearly all pupil, and she was wearing an old-fashioned floral dress. My dad later said that she looked Victorian. Must’ve been the pallor.

He was shocked, of course, and his instinct was to reach out for the light switch and to flick them on. In the split second it took for his eyes to adjust, the little Victorian girl disappeared.

I, meanwhile, was lying wide awake in my bed, staring across the room at him. When he asked me what I was doing, I told him I was “playing with the little girl”.

We moved out of that house shortly afterwards.

My parents got divorced when I was six or seven years old, and I ended up splitting my time between them. I don’t remember much about that time (apparently it’s because I have trauma, howboutdat?), but I do remember one night in particular when I was about eight years old.

My dad and I both have bad nightmares, but while I just grunt and whimper in my sleep, he has a habit of groaning. It sounds like someone doing a bad impression of a zombie.

That night, I’d been reading Attack of the Mutant, one of the Goosebumps books by R. L. Stine, which featured a bad guy who could change his shape at will. When my dad started his zombie act that night, it woke me up—and I promptly experienced my first ever case of sleep paralysis.

I was trapped in my own body, lying on my side and watching the shadows on the wall as various everyday objects just out of my sight morphed into human shadows and moved around before morphing back again, while the sound of the living dead filtered in through the thin, council house walls.

We moved out of that house shortly afterwards, too. Thank God, because I was so scared to go to sleep that I stayed awake most nights until the sun peeked over the horizon.

The third and final part of the story is the scariest, although it didn’t happen until 20 years later and so I’d grown from being a scared little kid to being a scared little adult. I still think about it most nights after I turn the lights out.

I’d just broken up with my girlfriend at the time and had accepted an offer from my dad to fly out to Spain with him. He had a holiday home out there that needed some work, and so he paid for my flight and food in exchange for me putting in a couple hours’ work every morning.

That work mostly took the form of going beneath the house into a crawl space full of rubble that had been left over by construction workers. I had to scoop the rubble into buckets and then drag it back out through a knee-high hole in the wall, where my dad was loading it into sacks that we’d later throw into the back of a hire car and dump into what I’m pretty sure were public bins.

Does anyone know the Spanish word for fly tipping?

The crawl space was dark and dirty, and even at six o’clock in the morning, it was too hot to wear anything more than a pair of shorts and some grubby trainers. I had to find my way around with a cheap flashlight.

I’d been doing this for the best part of a week and had slept like a log each night, but then I woke up one morning with that all-familiar sleep paralysis. I could hear my dad in the room beside mine, doing his best Spanish zombie impression. The sun was on the horizon, and enough light was filtering into the room that I could clearly see my surroundings. I was alone in there.

And then the voice said, “GET OUT.”

It had a weird quality to it as though it was speaking in two different octaves at once, or perhaps in the Devil’s Chord that Hendrix used at the start of Purple Haze. It had a lower pitch that was almost like a growl, and a higher one that was more like a scream.

The only other way I can think of to describe it is to say that it was in bold and all caps, but without an exclamation point. It was a voice that didn’t shout because it didn’t need to. It knew it would be heard.

It said it again: “GET OUT.” And then a third time: “GET OUT.”

By that time, I was fully awake, although I couldn’t move. I could still hear my dad groaning in the room beside me, and so I knew it wasn’t him. When I asked him about it after he woke up, he said that he hadn’t heard the voice but that he’d had a nightmare that we’d found a body in the rubble below the house.

I didn’t hear the voice again. I just lay there in my bed, willing my body to move, until eventually I could move my toes, then my fingers, and then the rest of my body. I knew that I hadn’t been dreaming because other than the passage of time, there was no interval between when I heard the voice and when I was able to climb out of bed and get the hell out of there. I didn’t “wake up” because I was already awake.

Needless to say, we didn’t do any more work in that crawl space. And just like those other two times, my dad sold the property soon afterwards.

I tried giving it a Google, but I couldn’t find anything about a body being found in a crawlspace, although a four-year-old kid drowned in a swimming pool and a Lithuanian drug dealer was shot dead on his doorstep, both within eighteen months and less than a mile from the place.

So I guess we got off lucky.

That’s it for now, maybe because these days, I only see my dad in the daytime. Even after clearly hearing that voice and having no explanation for it, I don’t believe in ghosts.

But maybe ghosts believe in me.

Sin é,

Dane

The post Three Ghost Stories first appeared on DaneCobain.com.

Vegan Campout Journal 2025

Thursday August 28th 2025

Welcome, welcome, hello and how do? We’re back with another holiday journal at Vegan Campout.

This notebook seems particularly apt because it has a cow on the front of it and it says “I don’t eat anything that farts.” Physically speaking, it’s not the most convenient notebook for a festival, but it’s worth it for the cover.

This year’s festival is also a little different because it has an extra day, and it’s also at a new venue: Bygrave Woods. It’s almost like fate because that was my surname before I changed it to Cobain because of it being my pen name.

That also made it more of a pain to get to because it’s in Hertfordshire and about three quarters of the way from High Wycombe to Cambridge. Luckily, I have a car now.

And so Shay came over last night and we ticked off a last few bits before having a relatively early night and then getting up early this morning to pack the car. It’s quite a small one and so we only just had room, but we made it work.

As for the journey, it was painless enough, although someone beeped at me as we were leaving because I couldn’t see them as I pulled out of my parking spot. Other than that, it wasn’t bad considering it was my longest drive to date.

Getting through the gates was a pain, though. There were four different ones, but the one we were in stopped moving and so there were people who started queuing after us who got in 20 minutes before us. I’d signed up to volunteer at the Vegan Runners stall and so we literally got through the gates, dumped our stuff with the Bristol Vegan Runners crew and then went straight to see Peter at the stand and to chat to the general public.

After our shift was over, we headed back to the campsite to set the tent up, then made another trip to the car and back. Then I left Shay to set the tent up how she wanted while I ticked off my 5K for the day (day #118 of a minimum of 5K a day) by running a few laps of the car park.

We were both pretty hungry by then, but it had also started raining. Undeterred, Shay put on her coat (breaking the zip in the process), while I donned a bin bag because I somehow forgot to pack anything waterproof. Then we headed into the arena.

I’d got my eye on loaded hash browns, but Shay wanted Chinese food from Vegan Planet because that’s her favourite. That was fine by me because I love their food too, so we grabbed a bite to eat and then sought shelter in one of the tents, just like 100 or so other people. It felt good to be back.

We went for a mini mooch afterwards, stopping first at a Nepalese/Himalayan fashion shop, where I spotted a tshirt I thought Shay would like, pointed it out to her and she promptly bought it. Then we visited the crystal shop, which we bought a bunch of stuff from before, and bought a bunch more. We got matching wooden charm bracelets, as well as new waterproofs that look like the suits that crime scene investigators wear. I got some stickers for my guitar, too.

We came back to the tent after that, although Shay headed off into the woods to go and rave in the Jungle. I stayed behind to chill and catch up in here, although I was planning on nipping back to the arena for second dinner before bed. Unfortunately, at least for some, it’s currently pissing it down. I’m nice and warm, comfy and dry.

Anyway, I’ve got to be up early tomorrow. We’re off for a social run at 8 AM, and that will tick off day #119.

Sick

So sick,

so tired,

so sick and tired

of everyone,

I’d love to be

more positive

but there you

have it.

Sick

because I usually don’t eat

too much at least

and so a sudden

rich diet

of doughnuts and Chinese food

disagrees with me.

Tired

because I don’t usually drive

this far,

and then there’s the 20k

steps,

a 118-day running streak,

chronic insomnia

and a constant opinion

of current events.

Someone

had spray-painted

a roundabout—

the cross of St. George—

which I think means

they don’t support

genocide.

Or maybe

that’s just wishful

thinking.

Friday August 29th 2025

I didn’t get much sleep, what with one thing and another. My problem has always been that it takes me forever to drop off, so by the time that I fell asleep, it was about 4 AM. People started waking up and talking, joking and laughing loudly at about seven.

On the plus side, I made it back to the arena last night and had poutine hash browns, which were just okay. Honestly, I found them to be a little sickly, but I was surprised to find that Shay liked it considering it was in mushroom gravy. I also picked up a giant Twix cookie from Vegan Antics, which was delicious. Would recommend. It’s been raining all morning and so I skipped the social trail run, which by the sound of things, a lot of other people did too. I’ll have to catch up later when the rain eases off, although I guess I could steal their route. First, though, I need to psych myself up to go out in the rain to find some breakfast.

Raindrops

keep falling

on my tent,

it’s insane

on the inner

membrane.

People are talking

about the sound being soothing,

but the sound of people talking

about the sound being soothing

isn’t soothing,

so ironically,

I put my earphones in

and listened to rain sounds

on YouTube.

Meanwhile,

I’m hungry and

I need to take a leak,

and the weather forecast says

rain

for four more

hours.

So now I’m watching

raindrops

pooling on top of the tent

in an archipelago,

a couple dozen

little islands

I’ll never visit.

Well, I made it to the arena. Shay had overnight oats and a smoothie, while I went for vegan fish and chips. Both were delicious.

Then we went for a wander and spent some more money. Shay got a necklace and had her hair and makeup done, which goes well with the flower crown she bought. While she was having that done, I queued up for some coffee and then we grabbed an incredible white chocolate millionaires slice from Vegan Antics.

From there, it was back to the tent. Shay’s been socialising with the Vegan Runners lot, but my social battery is already low and so I’ve mostly kept myself to myself. Thing is, I’m on holiday and that doesn’t happen often, so I’m making my priority to look after myself, even if that might seem rude to other people.

I took off on a cheeky 5k earlier, following the route that the social runners took. It was a decent little route, apart from the bit along the road where the traffic wasn’t slowing down and cars were flying past me at about 45 mph.

Now I’m back at the tent, and I feel a poem coming on.

The Devil’s Lettuce

I do not eat

 the devil’s lettuce;

I used to fall

but now I’m just

an angel.

The smell

brings me out

in panic attacks;

it paralyses me

from the ears

up.

I do not touch

the devil’s dandruff;

I’ve seen first-hand

the damage it does,

don’t nobody know

the trouble I’ve seen.

I sometimes ring

the devil’s doorbell;

if the tent is rocking,

he’s coming knocking.

I like to count the devil

as an ally,

but I’m no longer a fan

of his merchandise.

Unless the devil can improve

my VO2 max.

It feels like half a lifetime has passed.

Not long after I wrote my poem, Shay and I went to the main arena for some more food, or at least, Shay did. She had a garlic pizza and kindly gave me a slice, and she also gave me a bite of her Homer Simpson doughnut. The stall was full of wasps, attracted by the sugar, but the owner didn’t seem too phased.

We were just about to head back when a massive downpour started up out of nowhere. We sought shelter in the Ecotricity tent, but when it became clear that it wasn’t going to slow down any time soon, I put on my waterproof crime scene investigator coat and made a break for it. The plan was to run back to the tent, pick up Shay’s waterproof and wellies and run back to her, but I’d only just warmed back up enough to leave when she arrived at the tent.

It turns out that the wind, rain, thunder and lightning had forced them to close up and they’d evacuated everyone from the arena.

Anyway, we warmed back up at the tent for a bit, and then when the rain stopped, we put up our solar lights and headed back to the arena, stopping off at the Hogless Roast because they ran out of stock last year and I didn’t want to miss out. We ate that in the Jungle while a DJ played some fairly bad emo music, then started to head back to the tent.

But then we had an idea.

Shay had seen a tattoo design that she wanted, and I’d spotted one that I had my eye on, too. I ended up hotfooting it back first to the tent and then to the car so that I could pick up our ID. Then we got tattoos. Shay has a little heart on her right ankle, and I got a spider web with a heart at the centre of it on my left elbow. It looks great, and it goes well with the rest of my sleeve. I’d also been planning on getting something similar and so it all works out, and is made better by its association with Vegan Campout.

Shay’s looks great too, of course. I, meanwhile, am finding out why they call it a swellbow.

I met Shay back at the tent, but she was heading back to the Jungle and so that gave me some time to write in here. I had to take a little break through because my phone was dying and Shay had the only charger, but I wanted to grab something to eat before bed. I had lentil dahl because I’d heard someone else say it was “the best dahl they’d ever had”, and while it did taste pretty good, it was also lukewarm.

Shay met me by the Ferris Wheel and we came back to the tent for an early night. We’ve got to be up at 7 AM to catch the coach to Wimpole Estate parkrun.

Clerihew for Earthling Ed

Ed Winters

is off to the printers;

he’s got another book

to fuck the butchers up.

Saturday August 30th 2025

I tell you what, neither of us wanted to get out of bed when the alarm went off. We did, though.

We were worried we were going to be late for the bus to parkrun, but then the bus left late and so there was probably no need for us to run. I had a nap on the coach (although I didn’t get any actual sleep), and we arrived at Wimpole Estate just in time for a group photo before the run began.

It was a decent enough course, if a little crowded at the beginning, and it was great to run with so many Vegan Runners. I whizzed around in just over 22 minutes and then waited for Shay to finish in around 45. Good vibes.

We just about had time for a coffee before boarding the coach back to the campsite.

The plan was to go to the arena for some food and to watch Patrick Baboumian, but that didn’t go to plan. I queued for what seemed like forever to get VFC, which was admittedly worth the wait, but Shay was going to meet me and then her phone ran out of battery. I ended up getting a doughnut and taking it back to her in the tent.

We took a moment to clean and tidy the tent, then headed back to the arena to grab some flufflepuffs, which were unfortunately disappointing. They were very fluffy but maybe a little too chewy, and the stall had run out of marshmallows. That kind of made a mockery of things, considering it was supposed to be s’mores flavour.

Anyway, then we watched Heather Mills. I’ve seen her speak before, but her last talk was much more informative. This time around, it was mostly just an advertisement for her new product, NoBloat, It’s designed for people with IBS, Crohn’s and other gut issues, like me, but I don’t know if I’ll ever try it.

Heather MillsApplewood ended up selling more vegan cheese than regular cheese.Then Applewood tried to cut out VBites and to outsource it to Violife, who fucked it up.“What’s the point in being on the planet if we’re going to die in a tomb of money?”When you care about something, you’re always going to be on a rollercoaster.

We carried on sitting there and listened to Inspekta Veg on the main stage while Shay played Roblox and I wrote in my journal. Up next, Laura-Lisa Hellwig from Viva!

Laura-Lisa Hellwig“The meat industry is feeding us comforting lies.”80% of people go vegan for the animals.17% (almost nine million people) of UK adults are meat-free.www.viva.org.uk/jobsSunday August 31st 2025

I didn’t write too much after that because I was super tired and so I just didn’t have the energy. That also means that I’ve forgotten a few details, but I’ll do my best to bring you up to date.

We had a shower in the afternoon, and I had a nap at the tent before heading out in the evening to see Bosh. They weren’t particularly good last time they headlined because the whole thing felt like a sales pitch, but this time was a little better. It was more like a fireside chat, which they recorded as the first episode of a new podcast they’re going to launch, but it would have been better if they’d opened up to at least a few questions from the audience. As it was, they got to dictate what they talked about, which included stuff about AI and their exercise routines but not all that much about veganism.

At least I can run a 50k ultramarathon faster than Henry, though.

BoshMore of a fireside chat and Q&A than anything.One of the biggest and most obvious change over the last ten years is the proliferation of plant-based milk.Would they open a restaurant? Bosh is their café for the world.Creators they like: Soph’s Plant Kitchen, Alfie Cooks, Callum Harris and Dr. Alan Desmond.The Gartner Hype Cycle has hit veganism. There was a huge bubble, followed by a decline. That’s where we are now. Next up is sustainable growth that continues over time.Next big trend: longevity.People are starting to think about going to a running club, rather than a nightclub.Launching in Tesco in October and November: six Bosh meal kits, two Bosh pizzas and three Bosh frozen meals.That’s a huge vote of confidence from Tesco and shows that they have faith in a growing plant-based market.They’re also launching a Bosh podcast, which includes two new hosts.You’re causing a stir somewhere if people are trying to discredit you.“Ultraprocessing” isn’t just a vegan issue.It’s not as though meat burgers aren’t pumped full of antibiotics.We’re up against “big food” who just want your money.There are about 15 people working for Bosh now.Ian recently ran a 50k in six hours. I was faster.

I went back to the tent after that, while Shay went for a dance in the Jungle. I got my best night’s sleep since I got here (a whopping six hours) and then woke up at 7:30 AM to the sound of my alarm.

Why so early? Well, I’d volunteered to marshal at Norton Common junior parkrun in Letchworth, which was about five miles away. I could have driven there and back, but why drive when you can run> And so I jogged there and back and then volunteered in the middle. Lovely.

Shay was just waking up when I got back, so we took a moment to pack up some of our stuff and take it to the car before heading into the main arena for breakfast. I had peri-peri fried chicken and Shay went back to the Fruitory for overnight oats and a smoothie.

And then we went to see Tash Peterson, who was there in spirit but not in flesh because she’d been refused a visa by the government due to being arrested so many times for her activism. Instead, she’d filmed a video for us to watch.

Tash Peterson“If you’re powerful enough to face resistance, you’re powerful enough to be noticed.”Activism has consequences, but silence is far worse.

We were starting to get a little chilly by then, and so we whizzed back to the tent to grab blankets and supplies before heading back just in time to see Juliet Gellatley from Viva, whose talk is one of the big reasons why Shay went vegan.

Juliet Gellatley“There’s a vast machinery of greed.”To the meat industry, it’s inconvenient that animals are alive in the first place.When people say the vegan products market is much lower than the meat market, they’re only looking at direct vegan meat replacements.For vegans, animal welfare is the primary motivator. For flexitarians, it usually starts out for health reasons and then they learn more about the ethical and environmental side of things.One analysis of quick-serving restaurants in the UK analysed 134 million orders and found that vegan orders had increased by 56% in 2024.Derail, confuse, lie. The tactics of the meat industry, alongside the alcohol and tobacco industries.“I’ve never seen a Muller ad where a day-old calf is taken away from her mother.”Of Facebook’s three billion monthly active users, over 800 million are bots. And the mead industry is more than prepared to use them.

Mathew Pritchard was up next, which was interesting because I remember him from the Dirty Sanchez days, while Shay is new to him. I’d seen him before at my first ever VCO, where he talked about doing multiple Ironman challenges and rowing across the ocean, but he’/s gone sober since and so he was able to talk about that. Shay found his talk to be super moving, as did I.

Mathew Pritchard“I used to party for days straight; now, if I stay up past 10 PM, I need to go to rehab.”“I’m not polished, I’m not perfect, but I’m real.”“It still blows my mind how offended people get by what I don’t eat.”“The hardest thing you’ll ever do is be honest with yourself.”

After Pritchard, we went back to the tent for a while to rest and recharge before returning to the arena for Sara Pascoe. She was fantastic, and I was glad she did a comedy set instead of talking about the whys and wherefores behind her veganism. I didn’t take any notes though, because that’s not what you do during a comedy set.

Next up, Shay had a couple of shots and I tried to get an alcohol-free beer, only to be told that they were out of stock. Instead, we both grabbed some food and then went on the Ferris wheel just as it was getting dark. The views were incredible, but Shay was terrified, at least to begin with.

Our last trip of the night was to the Jungle, so we could have a little dance together. The music was garbage though, and not the R&B that had been promised on the lineup. Then I went back to the tent to sleep while Shay continued to dance and ended up hanging out with Ellis, one of the founders.

Monday September 1st 2025

We woke up at about 8:30 AM this morning, because we could hear our fellow campers packing up to leave. We’d already packed most of our stuff, and so we took a few more bits to the car and then headed to the main arena for one last wander.

Shay was a little hungover and so she had a few drinks from the Fruitory, followed by Chinese from Vegan Planet. I went to get vegan fried chicken again, as well as some doughnuts for dessert. We had one last mooch around the stalls and then went back to the tent.

We’d done everything else and so all we had to do was to take the tent down and return to the car, which only took 20 minutes or so. Then for the drive home, which was simple enough despite the fact that it started pissing it down.

We got back at around noon and I went straight for my daily run, a supply trip to Morrison’s and then a shower. The end of another adventure.

The post Vegan Campout Journal 2025 first appeared on DaneCobain.com.

Vegan Campout 2024 Journal

Friday July 26th 2024

Another year, another Vegan Campout.

Honestly, I don’t write anymore. I don’t have the time. It’s felt as though a chunk of my life has been missing and so I’m super excited to get back to it by keeping one of my travel journals. Tradition dictates that there’s going to be a little poetry, too.

This is my third year at Vegan Campout, my second with Shay and our first time with Vegan Runners. It feels like I’ve come a long way since two years ago, when I spent most of the festival alone.

So, to business.

Well, I wrapped things up with work and the house last night, after an eighteen mile run in the morning to tick off this week’s long run, and then I treated myself to Subway and chips to kick off a weekend of eating delicious vegan junk.

This morning, I met Shay in town to get a few final bits and then we went to Wetherspoons for breakfast before getting the train to Bicester. We’d been hoping to get a taxi or an Uber but they were all booked up and so we ended up getting a bus and then walking the rest of the way.

It was surreal because it doesn’t feel like a year since we did the same walk. We made a few friends in the queue, which was nice, and it didn’t take long for us to get inside. And once we did, it was easy to find the Vegan Runners because of all of the flags.

 

Green Submarellow

12 inches

no longer herb and cheese,

just hearty Italian

with mango habanero,

preparing for the sea of green

I see before me,

Ringo,

why was it

yellow?

 

Green is free

and the living is easy,

green is renewable

energy for free-thinkers,

green is the past,

the present,

the future.

 

If I had a boat

that could sink beneath the water,

if I could float

like a million bits of plastic,

I’d remind the world

we’ll have fishless oceans

before I’m 64,

take that Paul

(husband of Linda)

McCartney.

 

I’m surrounded by green,

the green of my people,

a hundred Vegan Runners

and a thousand walkers.

Skies of blue

and seas of yellow

in our green

submarellow.

 

We pitched the tent and I started work on this old thing, then we played a quick game of Uno and headed into the arena. It has a different layout to last year and I kind of preferred that, but it’s good to see a lot of the same traders coming back. I picked up a few trinkets (magnets, stickers and a keyring) and Shay got a “protect the sky kittens” bat conservation tshirt.

We also went into a crystal shop and I got a little bracelet while Shay got a cute headband and a pair of matching earrings. As we were walking away, I realised that the lady had undercharged us, and when I told shay, we decided to do the right thing and to go back. The shopkeeper joked that the crystals would have cursed us if we hadn’t, and then the universe rewarded Shay immediately afterwards when she found a £10 note on the floor.

We found the Vegan Runners stand and stopped by for a chat and then it was time to grab some food. I went for a doner kebab from Doner Summer, while Shay went for Chinese food from Vegan World Planet, the same place we went to a bunch of times last year.

Like most people at the festival, we headed to the music stage to check out the big announcement that we’d been promised. We were right by the sound stage and so we got a front row seat for the ensuing chaos. The founders had prepared a video but they literally delivered it on a flash drive via a runner about two minutes before they went on. Because they hadn’t tested it, it wouldn’t play because it needed re-encoding. And even when they did get it kind of working, it was the wrong dimensions. I felt for the sound and vision team because it totally wasn’t their fault.

Anyway, the upshot is that they’re moving to a different site next year which is called Bygrave Woods. Pretty weird, because that was my surname before I changed it. There’s also going to be an additional day on the Thursday, and they’re downsizing slightly to make it more manageable.

We watched P. Money and had a little dance, which was dope, and then it was time to go back to the tent. But I got super anxious and so I had to get Shay to play Animal Crossing so I could watch and get a little less stress.

When it was bedtime, Shay fell asleep straight away and stated a snoring competition with someone in the tent beside us. I only managed to get a couple of hours of sleep and played some Minecraft to get me off. It worked.

 

Saturday July 27th 2024

It was a cold night and Shay had a sore throat and wasn’t feeling well in the morning, so she stayed in the sleeping bag while I nipped to the main arena. No one on the gate had been told when to open and they couldn’t find anyone who knew, but one guy just made the call and opened up and I was the first one in.

I stopped by Dirty Vegan for the full English breakfast and scoffed that down (delicious), then grabbed a smoothie and some overnight oats for Shay. She still wasn’t feeling great and so I did my best to make sure she was okay and then jogged off to Parkrun.

I’m not sure how many of us were there, but there were a LOT of us. I think it set a new record for the most Vegan Runners at a single event, and we also got some awesome photos. Then I ran back via ALDI to get some goodies for Shay to help her to feel better.

 

Full Circle

One year vegan

for Shay “Snuffles” Feehan,

one year since Vegan Campout

and Juliet Gellatley

and an undercover video,

now full circle

at Vegan Campout

and Juliet Gellatley

and an undercover video,

difficult to watch

but extremely important.

 

Shay “Snuffles” Feehan

with the sun in her eyes

and above her head,

a single tear

rolling down her cheek

to water the grass.

One year vegan

for Shay “Snuffles” Feehan,

she’s saved lives,

365 animals not eaten,

3,373 kilos of CO2,

3,340 square miles of forest,

7,455 kilos of grain,

1.5 million litres of water,

she’s a saviour.

 

I’m a proud

little chickpea,

and I’m getting prouder.

 

When I got back, we went for a mooch together and got some more Chinese food from Vegan World Planet, but it was way too hot and so we ended up collapsing back at the tent for a while. And then it was time for Juliet Gellatley, which you already know about. We shared an ice blast while we listened.

We went for food afterwards, and we bumped into my mum’s friend Soph Allbones on our way, so I grabbed a cheeky selfie to send to her. Then I chowed down on Hogless Roast (amazing) and Shay had churros with chocolate and caramel, although she found it too sweet to finish them all.

This was followed by more chillin’, and then we went to volunteer at the Vegan Runners stall for an hour. Shay was a little worried beforehand, but we both enjoyed it a lot and so we’re thinking about volunteering again tomorrow.

I grabbed a mac and cheese bowl from a place called Say Cheese!, and then it was time for Dr. Michael Gregor. Which is where I am now.

 

Cholesterol

The Alzheimer’s gene

may explain the so-called

Nigerian paradox,

genes hold the gun

but lifestyle pulls the trigger.

 

This is milligrams

per decileter,

in high income countries,

killer number two

is dementia,

we can reshuffle the deck

with diet,

vegetables,

legumes,

fruits and

whole grains.

 

Prevention is not sexy.

 

When it works,

nothing happens.

 

Reverse it,

heart-disease progression

is not inevitable,

moderate exercise like walking,

stress management,

most people in a controlled group

get worse and then

they die.

 

Why?

 

When we comply,

we benefit,

it explains some kind

of reversal.

 

Plants,

plants

and more

plants,

grains and

berries,

nitrates

and beet juice

allowing you to breathe

better.

 

And if you’re hungry,

eat a salad.

 

We just had time for a trip back to the tent for a refuel, and I hopped in for a shower, which was divine. The water was hot and had pressure, and I ended up feeling cleaner than I’ve ever felt at a festival. Even on day one, I tend to feel gross after lugging everything to the camp site.

Then it was back to the main stage for Chris Packham.

Packham’s talk was pretty good, but we were too far away to really see him. We could hear him well enough, though. I got Doner Summer again after that, and Shay had a fairly disappointing meal from a vendor that charged her for a drink that they didn’t give her. I tried to queue up to ask for it, but they were taking forever and so I got anxious and we wandered off instead.

We caught a little bit of Macca B’s set, and what little we’d heard was great, but I’d seen him before and Shay was anxious too, so we went back to the tent. I fell almost immediately to sleep.

 

Sunday July 28th

I woke up fairly naturally this morning at about 7 AM, then cracked open an energy drink that I’d forgotten about and which then spilled everywhere. Oops. Shay woke up a little later and we chilled for a minute or two, then we went on a social run with Vegan Runners. The shortest route was supposed to be 5k, but it worked out closer to 6.6k, putting Shay two-thirds of the way to a 19k. She fell and injured herself in the way back and I wasn’t there to help her because I’d taken the 10k route, but luckily there were other VRs around to help out and she’s okay, if a little bruised, stung and limpy. And I think she still enjoyed her first ever experience of a social run. I loved it!

I got us both an ice slush on my way back to tend to the wounded warrior, then headed into the arena for more Chinese food from Vegan Planet. That went down a treat, and now I’m lying on the grass in front of the main stage, trying to upload my Strava photos while waiting for Mic the Vegan.

Mic was great, and he played a game of Jeopardy with the crowd which he’d been planning when I saw him during my first visit but was unable to do so because of the lack of WiFi. Although I think it’s almost a waste as he’s so intelligent. He could leave the game show presentations for brainless influencers.

Shay came to meet me and caught the last question of Jeopardy, then we headed back to the camp site for a while via the camping shop to get some suntan lotion, which they’d ran out of but which they’d restocked on.

And so Shay chilled out at the tent for a while, and I came back to see Juliet Gellatley for the second time for a talk about David vs. Goliath, which I thought was a lot better than her other talk. I caught the end of Millie Manders and the Shutup too and was very impressed, and so now I think I’ll almost certainly go and see them at the arts centre.

I grabbed some more mac and cheese and ate that, then picked up the suntan lotion for Shay and went to the tent, then brought her back to the main arena. She got Chinese food from Vegan World Food and I got a chocolate blondie with ice cream from Shrub, and then we headed to the main stage to get ready for Simon Amstell.

Amstell was great, although we only caught the second half of his set in the end because I went to get roasted padron peppers from Shrub, the stall which I think gave me the most pleasant surprises of the festival in terms of value.

Earthling Ed was on straight after and so I played Minecraft while we waited and then settled in for the last talk of the festival.

I went to get vegan fish and chips from No Catch afterwards, because they’re one of my “can’t miss” vendors, and then we dashed back to the tent to get changed because we were cold. Then we rode Atmosfear, one of the fairground rides, because that’s a new tradition of ours. Shay was more scared this year because she was sober (she didn’t drink all weekend), and I’m pretty sure it was more intense and with more Gs than last year. The guy running it was live-streaming on TikTok, too.

Then, back to the tent to sleep.

 

Monday 29th July

I was the first one up this morning, so I packed my stuff and went to the toilet and then woke Shay up to drag her to the arena for some breakfast and a browse around the stalls, where we spent more than we should have on some final goodies because a lot of stuff was discounted. I grabbed a coffee and a final serving of mac and cheese, and Shay got ice cream and a smoothie.

Then it was time for us to finish packing up and heading off, although Shay added some excitement by almost choking to death on an energy drink. We also had a struggle as we went back to the entrance because she was fighting sunstroke.

Luckily, Shay’s aunt was kind enough to pick us up, which was a blessing because we wouldn’t have been able to get an Uber. But we made it back home alive but much poorer. What a weekend.

The post Vegan Campout 2024 Journal first appeared on DaneCobain.com.

Genius Books Republishes Meat!

Hi, folks! Dane here, and today I’m just sharing a quick update to let you know that Meat has been picked up for republication by Genius Books.

It’s taken us a little while to get to this point due to the mighty Amazon being a pain in the backside, but we’ve finally got the paperback and the ebook all sorted. It has a beautiful new cover, too!

You can click here to get your copy of Meat or click here to check out Genius Books, and you can of course follow me on your social networking site of choice for more.

Thanks as always for all of your support and I’ll see you soon (I hope) for more news. I’ve been getting back to the grindstone and so I should have some exciting writing updates for you in the months to come!

The post Genius Books Republishes Meat! first appeared on DaneCobain.com.

Launch Day: Boys in Blue by Dane Cobain

Hi, folks! Dane here, and today is the long-awaited launch day of Boys in Blue, the fourth book in the Leipfold series of detective novels.

Published by Encircle Publications, this one’s been a long time coming and it really helps to take the tension to the next level. This isn’t just a simple investigation. This is a conspiracy that goes right to the top.

Here’s the super awesome cover that was designed by Christopher Wait:

And here’s the blurb:

James Leipfold and Maile O’Hara are back again with a brand new case.

Jack Cholmondeley has been sidelined by the police, and there are rumours of a secret organisation hiding in the shadows. The long arm of the law can only stretch so far.

Known as the Boys in Blue, the organisation has ties to the army and the emergency services, as well as powerful politicians and career criminals. And when Leipfold, Maile and Cholmondeley start to investigate, they’re unknowingly taking the first steps in a journey that will end up on the front pages of newspapers around the world…

Boys in Blue is out now in paperback and electronic formats from all good retailers, as well as Amazon. Click here to get your copy, and don’t forget to check out the first three books in the series: Driven, The Tower Hill Terror and The Leipfold Files.

Thanks as always for your support and be sure to follow me on follow me on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, or wherever else takes your fancy. You can also check out all of my books by clicking here or visit me on Goodreads over here. I’ll see you soon for more news!

The post Launch Day: Boys in Blue by Dane Cobain first appeared on DaneCobain.com.

Cover Reveal and Launch Announcement: Boys in Blue by Dane Cobain

Hi, folks! Dane here, and today I bring you a piece of news that’s been a long time coming. And you’ve probably guessed it from the title.

That’s right, I’m gearing up to launch Boys in Blue, the fourth book in the Leipfold series of detective novels, with Encircle Publications. It’s going to be out on Wednesday June 19th, so keep ’em peeled!

In the meantime, here’s the super awesome cover that was designed by Christopher Wait:

And here’s the blurb:

James Leipfold and Maile O’Hara are back again with a brand new case.

Jack Cholmondeley has been sidelined by the police, and there are rumours of a secret organisation hiding in the shadows. The long arm of the law can only stretch so far.

Known as the Boys in Blue, the organisation has ties to the army and the emergency services, as well as powerful politicians and career criminals. And when Leipfold, Maile and Cholmondeley start to investigate, they’re unknowingly taking the first steps in a journey that will end up on the front pages of newspapers around the world…

Boys in Blue will be out on Wednesday June 19th in paperback and electronic formats from all good retailers, as well as Amazon. In the meantime, feel free to check out the first three books in the series: Driven, The Tower Hill Terror and The Leipfold Files.

Thanks as always for your support and be sure to follow me on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, or wherever else takes your fancy. You can also check out all of my books by clicking here or visit me on Goodreads over here. I’ll see you soon for more news!

The post Cover Reveal and Launch Announcement: Boys in Blue by Dane Cobain first appeared on DaneCobain.com.

Paris Journal 2024

Tuesday 13th February 2024

Bonjour et bienvenue à mon journal parisien.

Comme d’habitude, j’écris un journal pendant mes voyages, donc voici, c’est ici.

And now, for English.

I didn’t get a chance to write yesterday because we were travelling and I’d been so busy getting ready that I didn’t have any energy left. We hadn’t slept much the night before and then I had a client call and all of my cleaning to do. We were cutting things pretty fine because the Eurostar train had been brought forward, and so Shay nearly had a combination of an asthma attack and a panic attack on the way to the station.

Neither of us had eaten, and so we stopped off at Greggs in Marylebone before taking the tube to St. Pancras via Baker Street. Despite the initial rush, we were there with about an hour to spare and so we had time to grab a hot drink, with Shay paying £3 for a bottle of Sprite. I nipped into Pret a Manger, where I grabbed a VLT sandwich and a Vietnamese mushroom baguette. Hey, I was hungry. If I’d had more cash on me, I would’ve also picked up the vegan berry croissant.

The Eurostar journey was pleasant enough, mostly because we both fell asleep, although I read a little bit of my book. It was dark outside and Paris isn’t the best at night, but then neither is London. We walked to the hotel to get a feel for the city, which mostly seemed to be populated by homeless people and scaffolding.

We were tired and stressed by the time we checked into the hotel and it was also getting late, but we were hungry and so we found time to nip to God Bless Broccoli, a pizza joint that had a couple of vegan options. I thought it was delicious, but Shay wasn’t a fan. That meant I got to eat her le3ftovers. We could have dined in, but it wasn’t long until it closed and so we took it back to the hotel, stopping off at a shop for crisps and drinks to see us through the night.

We didn’t sleep particularly well and so getting up in the morning was a struggle, but we managed it. I hit the shower (grateful to have access to one given that my boiler doesn’t work at home), while Shay did her makeup to make sure that she looked satisfactorily chic and emo.

Our first stop was the Eiffel Tower, which took us maybe 40 minutes to get to via the underground. We had tickets to go all of the way to the top, which saved us some time in the queues. There was a notice to say that the summit was closed, but that turned out to not be the case. That meant I got to go to the top for the first time, and the views were so much better from up there that we barely even bothered to look out from the other floors. I finally go to see Gustave Eiffel’s office, too.

Shay got upset on the way down because we’d bought some memorial coins and she’d dropped hers and an Asian woman had taken it and then pretended not to speak English when Shay tried to talk to her. She later found the coin in her bag, so perhaps it’s a good job that there was no confrontation.

We were hungry and would’ve stopped for some food if we’d found anything vegan, but no dice. We got some cool stuff from the gift shops though, and we also walked down from the first floor just so we could say that we had.

At the bottom, I had to queue back up again to collect my Buzz Gym padlock, which I’d forgotten was in my bag and which had been confiscated on the way up. Like I told Shay, I’m weirdly attached to that thing. I recognise the dents in it and so can easily tell which locker is mine.

On the way to the Tower and as we went up, we spotted that there was an athletics track, so we tracked that down afterwards and I set a new personal best for the 5k. That’s not saying much though because of the perfect conditions. But it was fun to get a run in, and Shay took a great photo of me running against the backdrop of the Eiffel Tower.

From there, we went to get food at Naked Burger, but disaster struck because someone stole Shay’s purse while we were on the tube. We managed to cancel her card and get reimbursements for a few transactions that had been made on vending machines, but she liked that purse and it also had some money in it.

On the plus side, the food was good. We had the “chicken and bacon” burger and I had dirty fries with mine, and I also stole a few bites from Shay’s cheesecake. The actual venue was pretty cool too, and so if you’re looking for vegan food in the city of lights, be sure to check it out.

Next up, we went to the Catacombs! I don’t have too much to say about that because it was a repeat of what I did during my last visit on my 33rd birthday. You can read about that in my previous journal, if you’re so inclined.

What was different this time was that I bought 50 euros worth of stuff in the shop, although that pales next to the 150 euros that Shay spent. Which I had to lend her because of her missing purse.

Then it was time to head back to the hotel, stopping off at a boulangerie because I wanted some bread. It’s just a shame that I didn’t have anything to eat it with, although that didn’t stop me. I’d like to take some home, if I remember.

We’ve spent the evening chillin’ and sorting through stuff with NCIS on the TV in French. We’ve written our postcards and stuff and had a little tidy, so we’ll probably watch Spongebob and then sleep so we can get up early in the morning.

Shay wants to go back for a run and then we’re going to the Louvre and then Pere Lachaise.

 

Wednesday 14th February 2024

We didn’t sleep so well, and so we skipped the run and went straight to the Louvre. There was huge queue to get in (as always), but we’d pre-booked and so it only took us ten minutes. We were joking about how dumb it is to not pre-book, and Shay “accidentally” made eye contact with someone in the regular queue and called them a silly bitch.

It’s true what they say about the Louvre. It would definitely take a couple of days to see everything. We were there for three or four hours and made it through about half of one of the four wings, but that was enough for us to see the Mona Lisa and the Venus de Milo. Shay felt a huge affinity for the Venus, and it was cool to see the world’s most famous painting, even if that meant queuing up like cattle at an abattoir.

Which reminds me, it’s not a travel journal without a poem or two, and it seems fitting to write a follow-up to Panic Attacks at the Louvre from my last journal.

 

Panic Attacks at the Louvre Redux

It’s not my party

but I’ll cry if I want to,

eighteen months older

but none the wiser

and the people press together

like cattle in the abattoir,

an eternal Treblinka,

and the lady in front of me

is wiping sweat from her face with a handkerchief

which presses against me in the crowd

when people push me from behind

to photograph a painting.

 

That enigmatic smile,

those eyes that follow you around,

if those famous lips could speak

they’d smile for a selfie,

times have changed

since the Renaissance.

 

Downstairs,

Aphrodite sings with missing limbs,

and my girlfriend is scared,

she can’t find me.

 

Someone coughs on my neck

as she controls her breathing,

but at least I’m not hungover

and a quarter century.

 

Besides,

there’s a gift shop.

 

It was nice to wander around and cool to see those works of art in particular, but I enjoyed the few ancient Egyptian things we saw the most of all. We also spent an obscene amount of money in the gift shop and then we headed off to the food court in the nearby shopping centre.

That was an adventure in itself because Shay queued for a McDonald’s for 20 minutes behind the most indecisive people in the world, only to find out that there weren’t really any vegan options. We went to Thai Street Food instead, which sold exactly what it sounds like. I had the pad Thai while Shay went for a vegetable stir fry with added tofu. She didn’t think she’d like it but it turned out to be better than mine. It sucked to queue for another 20 minutes with a back that felt ready to give out on me, though.

From there, we took the metro to Pere Lechaise, but it was getting close to closing time and we were both tired, hungry and tetchy. We stopped by Jim Morrison’s grave so Shay could get a photo to send to her dad (Paul), and then it was back to the hotel for a nap. I had some super weird fever dreams.

It was pretty late when I woke up, but it was Valentine’s Day and we wanted to dress up and go out for dinner. Shay looked stunning in a black dress with split sides, and I looked pretty sharp myself in black jeans and a lumberjack shirt. We found a vegan place that goes under a variety of names, presumably for the purposes of search engine optimisation. Shay had the New York style sandwich, while I went for a spicy hot dog with sweet potato fries, which was delicious. I also had a peanut butter cookie and then we both had “cake” that was actually bread with some sort of vegan cream and either raspberries or blueberries inside. That was… interesting. But it wasn’t cake. Cool place, though.

After dinner, we took a slow walk back to the hotel, stopping off to collect vital supplies like fizzy drinks and rhubarb jam. We also went for a drink at Le Pachyderm (Pornstar Martini for Shay and overpriced diet coke for me). Then it was time for Spongebob Squarepants, heartfelt conversations and Plants vs. Zombies 3.

 

Thursday 15th February 2024

After another night without enough sleep, we got up at about eleven and packed up in time to be out for check-out at twelve. It was a tight squeeze, but we just about got everything into the case, thanks to Shay’s Tetris skills.

Given that we knew we’d have a heavy case with us all day, we didn’t have too much planned, and Shay was also feeling rough. However, she wanted to go on a bus tour and that seemed like something we could do without over-stretching ourselves, so we headed off via the metro and almost ended up in a horror movie. Shay asked me a question about Parkrun and I was so busy tracking down some info on my phone that I didn’t realise we’d reached the end of the line until Shay said, “Look, we’re the only ones on here.” Fortunately, the driver saw the funny side, and the tube looped back round again to drop us off at Chatelet.

We also had a little mooch through the street bookshops that line the Seine. They’re called the bouquinistas and are UNESCO listed, leading to people saying that the Seine is the only river in the world that runs between two bookshelves. I bought a half dozen books, including some Agatha Christie.

The bus tour was okay, but we’d been hoping for a live guide and instead it was all pre-recorded. Still, it was a good way to explore the city, even if the price was a little steep. We rode the full loop, then went back into the Carousel du Louvre to go back to the Thai place we’d visited for the same again.

We also had tickets for a Seine cruise, which departed from the Eiffel Tower. Given that we had free bus travel, we hopped back on that for a seemingly never-ending trip through the Paris traffic and arrived just in time for the 6:40 PM Seine cruise.

It was cool to see Paris from the river by night, because my last boat tour had been in the daytime. However, the previous tour had a live guide who was super entertaining and charismatic, while this one was another recording, and the recording kept cutting out. But Shay enjoyed the cruise and I got some good photos.

Oh, this particular cruise was by Bateaux Parisiens. I try to note the names whenever I can so that I remember to leave reviews on TripAdvisor.

The cruise lasted an hour, and so we disembarked at 7:40 with an hour and a half until our Eurostar train at 9:11. Google said we’d make it in half an hour, but Google didn’t reckon on there being huge queues at the ticket machines. We booked an Uber instead, but it still took forever to travel the three miles to the Gare du Nord.

We got there at 8:50, with 20 minutes to spare. Problem is, they close the gates half an hour before the departure for regular passengers and 15 minutes before for business class passengers. And we still had to get to the gate.

Fortunately, it seemed that we weren’t the only people who were running late, and the gate team was good enough to let us through. I think it also helped that there were no other trains scheduled and so there were no queues to deal with. We ran as fast as we could (despite the heavy case), rushed through check-in and made it to our seats by about 21:00.

That was a relief, because otherwise we would’ve had to book a hotel room and pay £250 each for another ticket. Just one of those tickets would have cost about the same as our original return tickets and three nights at a hotel.

I gave the Uber driver a five-euro tip.

 

Rush

200+ km/hr

train beneath channel

clock goes back

approaching LDN

would say more

but I gotta go

get thru customs

there’s a bed somewhere

w/ my name on it.

 

That pretty much brings us up to the end of our adventure, bar the journey across the city. Shay was feeling super rough and we were both dead tired, so we took an Uber back from Wycombe Station. She got straight into bed and I went straight back to work.

The end.

The post Paris Journal 2024 first appeared on DaneCobain.com.

Vegan Campout 2023 Journal

Friday 28th July 2023

We’re at Vegan Campout!

Our story begins last night, when Shay came over after the publishing Q&A that I host on Zoom. We had sandwiches and packed our bits and bobs and then Shay played Moviestar Planet while I did the last bits of housework and some urgent proofreading and editing for a new client, a non-profit in Nigeria.

We played some Mario on the Wii and chatted shit for a while, then settled down to sleep at about 4 AM, though I didn’t get to sleep until 7. Then we got up at 11 and headed straight off.

The journey wasn’t too bad. We took the train to Bicester North and then walked from the station to the venue, which was about a mile away. It was hard work, but once we got there, we only had to queue for half an hour to get in. Then we found a nice place to pitch, right by a memorably-looking campervan and the guide rope at the end of the field.

We set the tent up, unpacked and had a little cuddle, then sat on our chairs for a little while until we had enough energy to go to the main stage.

There’s some cool new stuff this year, including funfair rides and a little train you can ride, but we were mostly impressed by the stalls. We got some stickers, badges and temporary tattoos, as well as a little jewellery. They have an actual tattoo parlour this year, but it had long queues and you needed photo ID, and they were also only tattooing flash. My Ahimsa tattoo will have to wait. Shay got some temporary tattoos instead.

Next up was a wander around the food stalls, where I stopped off for a kebab from Doner Summer. It was the only place I visited twice last year and my first stop of this one, which I think says a lot. And it was delicious.

Then we came back to the tent to rest and regroup. Shay’s reading her Edward Lorn book and I’m catching up in here.

 

Signal

Four genres of music

from four different directions,

the notes of one song

mixing with the notes of another,

a discordant melange

tickling the tips of my fingers

as the sun beats down on canvas

and I think about falling

asleep again.

 

Someone is asking for water,

I’d like some too

but I’ll be damned if I’m going out

to look for some,

and at least the taps are working

in the toilets.

 

My brain’s got a signal

and so has my stomach,

my smartphone says

my rolls have refilled

but nobody paid me,

I’m going to need the money

if I want to keep living

like plant-based royalty.

 

Then there are the shoulders,

battered and bruised

and bitten by insects,

and my neck has a lump

like a strawberry,

you wouldn’t want to eat it

because it smells like bacteria.

 

The people behind us

speak in sign language,

perhaps they won’t hear the noise

of sexual intercourse,

it’s in tents.

 

But I imagine they feel

the bass spewing out

of the speakers.

 

We’re camped pretty close to the arena and so we’ve been going back and forth all day. Shay tried some flufflepuffs from Fluff, which were basically waffle balls with maple syrup, cinnamon sugar and lemon. I had one too and they were delicious. I also got an Ice Blast because we hadn’t yet found the water point, but that ended up giving me brain freeze.

Our next major expedition was to No Catch for dinner. Shay had the cod and chips, which she’d had in Brighton and which didn’t disappoint, while I went for the tempura. It was pricy for what it was, but it was also delicious and I’m glad I tried it. I was also still full from Doner Summer and so I couldn’t have managed a full portion.

Then we went to the Slipshod area and rode the little train, although Shay almost knocked it over when we climbed aboard. It was a surprisingly fun little ride, though. That was followed by us listening to the DJs for a while and watching a guy with elf ears fixing the lighting. But we were pretty tired and so we soon made our way back to the tent for an early night.

 

Barbenheimer On Canvas

Keats wrote by candlelight,

Ginsberg by an electric lightbulb,

Brian Bilston uses his phone a lot

and I use a portable charger.

 

It’s my lifeline,

my backup,

my safety swimmer

on a free dive

into fields of green,

oh, Champs Elysees,

the song they sing about you

is stuck on my head.

 

My phone’s on 20% battery

and I’ve lost my charger cable,

but we’re going to sleep in a minute

and Shay is sneezing,

maybe we can send smoke signals

to summon an Uber.

 

Meanwhile,

the sun’s gone down

and my charger light

is like Oppenheimer’s bomb

at a Barbie queue,

they can see shadows on the canvas

like a downward-facing dog,

but the yoga won’t start

until tomorrow.

 

A good

night.

 

Saturday 29th July 2023

Well, we didn’t get the best night’s sleep, mostly because people were playing drum ‘n’ bass until about 4 AM. I got a couple of hours but then woke back up. Shay ate too many of the free vegan vitamin gummies we were given and had a stomach ache, so I kept her company, too. I probably got a total of four or five hours.

When we woke up this morning, we headed straight to the arena for breakfast. Shay had cocoa oats with banana which was tasty (and cheap), while I went back to Doner Summer. I’d never had their breakfast before and was pretty impressed – I even liked the harissa beans. Their spinach wasn’t great, though.

Now we’re off to browse the stalls. Shay is getting glitter and hair done, and I think we’re going to try to get matching tshirts. Then maybe we’ll check out some live music before we go to see Klaus from Plant-Based News.

 

Good Vibrations

early in the morning,

or early for me,

sitting on the grass

by the charge tent

as my girlfriend

gets her hair done

and covered in glitter.

 

The signal cuts out

and back in again,

a common theme

throughout these poems,

and my pen bleeds green

as though I killed an alien.

 

My foot’s been sleeping

more than I have,

someone’s dog stepped on a bee

and my chest is representing Memphis,

long distance information,

London’s calling.

 

Three football pitches

are lost from the Amazon

every minute,

but there are more tigers

and giant pandas

than there used to be,

proving you can make

a difference.

 

The question is,

will you?

 

Klaus Mitchell (Plant-Based News)

“The message I bring is backed by peer-reviewed data.”Even if we stop using fossil fuels, we can’t meet our climate goals without changing our food. A third of greenhouse gases comes from food production.Methane is 20 times more potent than CO2.How can we provide adequate nutrition for 80 billion farmed animals but not 800 million humans?“When we point a finger at cars, planes and trucks, three fingers point back at us – one for breakfast, lunch and dinner.”The problem is what we eat, not where it’s transported from.Harvard found that switching to a vegan diet and rewilding the land could reverse climate change.Bottom trawling causes as much damage to the environment as all flights.We’ve lost 90% of large fish in the ocean.77-86% of plastic in the Great Pacific Garbage Patch is related to fishing.We could feed an extra 3-4 billion people.“It’s healthier to save the planet than it is to destroy it.”“A plant-based diet is the single biggest way to reduce your impact on earth.” – Oxford University“We need to support farmers in a just and equitable switch to a better future.”“Every time we eat, we can vote for the kind of world we want to live in.”

 

Incense

Everywhere smells

of incense,

even the bathrooms

and the massive tent

at the main stage,

although thinking about it,

it might just be vapes

and the weight of expectations,

words made of smoke

that float on the wing

like a butterfly’s wings,

and everywhere smells

like the way my water tastes

of the bottle it’s in

and whatever was in it

beforehand,

and everything tastes

like No Catch,

like a recipe I’d like to make

but don’t have the patience for,

which is most recipes,

and the doggo friend I found

has his paws on the ground,

and so I guess that might make

two of us.

 

Juliet Gellatley (Viva)

She hid the footage she took at a factory farm down her underwear so that if she was searched, it would be sexual assault.“The mindset of the intensive farming industry is just to become more intensive.”

 

Shay wanted to get a tattoo, and so she waited in line for an hour and a half only for her artist to be fully booked by the time she got to the front of the queue. I, meanwhile, was busy napping.

Then we went to the arena to watch Klaus from Plant-Based News. He was fantastic as always, debunking the commonly used alternatives to a plant-based diet for the health of the planet.

Next up was food. Shay got a burger and some (disappointing) tater tots, while I went for Doner Summer again because The Hogless Roast had run out of hogless roast. After that, we caught the end of Juliet Gellatley from Viva, who Shay found to be super inspirational. She’s talking again tomorrow and so we’re going to try to catch her then.

 

Patrik Baboumian

“Creative activism”He was a vegetarian when he won Germany’s strongest man. He didn’t eat meat because he loved animals and didn’t want to eat them. Then he realised he was in a position of power and a role model for a lot of young men. He knew being vegetarian was only half the battle, but he was afraid to go vegan because there were no vegan bodybuilders. But he knew he had to make it work.Audience: *applauds*. Patrik: Thank you, I appreciate the applause, but we really don’t have time for that.Activism is like love. It’s impossible to force someone to fall in love with you, and it’s the same with activism.Eating has parallels with addiction because it’s habitual and defines us as people.There’s a lot of vegan information out there but not much vegan storytelling. Someone needs to send him a copy of Meat.Get a copy of Earthraiser.“There are a lot of educational games out there, they’re just not fun and so nobody’s playing them.”We’re hard-wired to learn things through storytelling, and video games are interactive stories.His game is called Uncage.The real heroes are the undercover activists who have the courage to document what’s really going on.See if he needs writers.www.uncagegame.com

 

Joey Carbstrong

90,000,000 animals will be killed during his speech.“This is happening right now as this festival is going on. Before we start, I’d like to have a moment of silence for the victims of the biggest atrocity in existence.”He’s a former gang member and recovered addict. He went to prison at 26 for possession of a loaded firearm. When there, he was sober for the longest he’d been in 12 years.“The two most important days of your life are the day you’re born and the day you find out why.” – Mark Twain“When I saw what was happening to the animals, I wondered why people weren’t shouting about it from the rooftops.”“You don’t need to know how, you need to know why.”Speak for the animals like you’d want people to speak for you.“Don’t talk, do.”Factory farms are slaughter-dungeons.“Pignorant: Coming soon.”The only way to avoid being criticised is to say nothing and do nothing.“Courage isn’t the absence of fear. It’s feeling the fear and doing it anyway.”This is a war against animals, against those who can’t even fight back.More non-vegans are being born every minute.“It only takes one candle to light a million candles.”We have the truth about these industries, and that’s all we need.”

 

BOSH

Short for “Boys of Sheffield”.Over three billion video views.Sold over a million books, which would reach halfway to the moon.Over seven million products sold.Their mission is “more plants on plates”.B Corps = companies that also have a social mission.Tesco wants to increase their sales of vegan products by 300%.A Bosh goal is to get coffee shops to default to oat milk unless someone asks for bovine breast milk.“This is where the progress happens.”If you’re vegan for two years, you save: 6,500 lbs of CO2, 3 million litres of water, 22,000 square feet of rainforest and 730 animals and could have added up to ten years to your life.If everyone in the UK went vegan for two years, it would save: 4.3 billion lbs of CO2, 2.1 trillion litres of water, 1.4 billion square feet and 48 billion animals. Plus £30 billion of public spending, which would be a 15% saving for the NHS. And a reduced likelihood of a new pandemic or antibiotic resistance.We can’t help the feeling of insecurity, but we can make positive changes.

 

Patrik Baboumian came after that. He was funny and engaging and had a good story to tell, including some work on a graphic novel and a video game. I didn’t realise that he retired from competitions in 2016, though.

I watched Joey Carbstrong next, while Shay went off for a wander. I’ve never really followed Joey before, but I was pretty impressed by his talk and how he overcame adversity to get to where he is, although I’m not sure he’s my kind of person.

BOSH were up next, and they had a surprisingly small audience considering they were headliners. Patrik and Joey both had bigger crowds. It was cool to hear some more about their story though, as well as to learn some of the hard sales stats and facts that they had up their sleeves.

I had a lamb burger from Hogless Roast for dinner, as well as some doughnuts from Project D. Both were good but both were overpriced, and lamb is hogless anyway and so it seemed like an incongruous menu item. I’m glad I had it, but I would have preferred their regular meal. Alas, they ran out. A lot of people seem to be out of stock this weekend.

We also went for a ride on Atmos Fear, which is a fairground ride that reminded me of Maelstrom at Drayton Manor. It was pretty good, but it was also £6. Shay was nervous to begin with, then loved it so much that she went on for a second time.

 

Sunday 30th July 2023

There’s not much more to say about Saturday. Shay got lost a couple of times but I managed to find her the first time and on the second, she made it back to the tent. It was colder than the night before, but we made it through.

Shay has a hangover today and so she didn’t get the tattoo that she wanted. We went to get her some orange juice when we woke up, and she also picked up a facon sandwich from Miami Foods, which was unfortunately cold. Then I got Chinese from Vegan World Foods, which was super tasty. Shay liked it so much that she got some for herself, and then I got to help her finish it.

We went back to the tent after that because we were both super sleepy, and then I woke up from a nap by rolling into a wet patch. Our porch keeps falling down because people keep pulling up the guy ropes, even though we’re tucked to one side and with plenty of space around us. Our shoes and chairs are soaked and there’s water inside the tent, including on my side of the double sleeping bag and all over my coat. My phone got soaked too but still works just fine. My camera wasn’t quite so fortunate, despite not being near the moisture. It won’t turn on and seems to have water on some of the internal components. Not good, considering I only just got it after breaking my last one at Frogfest.

I needed to pee so I borrowed Shay’s raincoat and wrapped my feet in bin bags so I could put my shoes on without my socks getting soaked. I fixed the tent as best as I could and then figured I might as well pay a visit to the arena, so here I am. I’m damp and a little chilly, but that’s all part of the experience. I imagine I’ll write a poem, watch a talk and then go and get some food.

 

Jordan Martin

Cancel culture kills. It’s a form of mob mentality. It’s a new form of something that’s always existed: bullying.It’s a shame he’s just reading from a screen and with no slides.He’s autistic and his dad committed suicide five years ago. He’s also ex-Muslim. I didn’t know any of those things.52% of British Muslims and 5% of the overall British population believe you should be criminally prosecuted for being gay.“People have rights; ideas do not.”“Vegan campout wouldn’t have survived if I’d been white. There’s absolutely non-white privilege.”The idea is that if a white atheist criticised a black Muslim for being racist, they get called out as being racist. If a black ex-Muslim does the same, they’re praised for it.There’s no such thing as reverse racism. It’s just racism.“Not once have I been subjected to racism from the vegan community for being brown. But I see people being attacked for being white several times a week.”He’s also been attacked for being white until people have realised he’s a person of colour and then apologised.“People have to pretend to act in a certain way or think in a certain way or they risk being ostracised.”“Whenever anyone needs to make up lies to get their point across, they probably don’t have a point.”“Individual people can’t be blamed for the actions of their government.”Entitlement mixed with poor mental health is at the heart of cancel culture.“No one has the right to not be offended. Offence is taken, not given.”

 

After Jordan’s talk, I grabbed some fried chicken from No Fricken Chicken and headed back to the tent to share them with Shay. Then we did our best to tidy and sort our things into wet and dry piles before returning to the main arena together. Shay had some ice cream, smoothies and Chinese food, while I finally satisfied my craving for No Catch with a cod and chips. I also got some ice cream from Lick – Turkish delight, chocolate chip and honeycomb in a strawberry cone with marshmallows on the top.

Sam Ryder is about to perform now, and so I’m sitting on the floor in the middle of the crowd while Shay guards my back. Then we’ll go and see Romesh before returning to the wet tent to eat doughnuts, read and sleep.

 

You’re a Vision

Down in a hole

in the ocean,

drowned in the hole

like Stephen Keenan,

holding your breath

as the lights go on

and the musicians prepare

to take the stage.

 

Watch your back,

take your eyeballs out

and turn them around,

tell drunk people

you’d write books and stuff

and watch them run away.

 

There are children

towering like giants,

a forest of parents’ legs,

the hairs on their heads

partitioned into rows

like the plants we eat.

 

The children

are not

delicious.

 

Monday 31st July 2023

Sam Ryder was pretty good. He doesn’t really make my kind of music, but he’s a decent showman and he was great at interacting with the crowd. Romesh was better though, and he’d brough a fellow vegan comedian to do an opening set. He said he was vegan, he was camp and he was out, so it was the perfect event for him.

Of course, we were exhausted by the time that Romesh’s set was over, so we headed back to the tent. I fell asleep almost immediately, while Shay stayed up for a little while to read some more of The Bedding of Boys by Edward Lorn.

When we woke up in the morning, we packed up our stuff and went to grab some breakfast in the arena before taking down the tent and packing everything away. We walked back to the train station, which took about half an hour if you count our stop for coffee on the way out.

And the rest, as they say, is history. There was engineering work at Bicester North and so we had to get a rail replacement bus to Bicester Village, but it was still an easy enough journey. We were back at around 2 PM and in plenty of time for my 5 PM call. And Biggie had missed us.

Now bring on next year!

The post Vegan Campout 2023 Journal first appeared on DaneCobain.com.

Brighton Journal 2023

We’re Brighton-bound, baby!

We went to bed at about 2 AM last night and then I woke up at about 6:30 when Biggie jumped on me because he wanted food. I fed him and then nipped to Morrison’s for salt and pepper bread and made toast for breakfast and sandwiches for the journey. Once Shay was up and ready, we left.

That involved taking an Uber to the coach exchange and then a (far too hot) coach to Heathrow, which is where we are now, drinking Costa Coffee while we wait for our coach to Brighton.

 

 

Airport Coffee

I hate airports,

see them as a necessary evil,

hate them even more

if I’m not flying.

 

I love coffee,

could drink it every day,

and in fact I used to,

then became a coffee snob

and learned to live

without it,

only the best will do.

 

I don’t mind bringing them

together,

I’m ambivalent,

I could take it

or leave it,

but I’d prefer to take it.

 

So now I’m drinking coffee

at the airport,

watching men holding signs

with people’s names on;

my girl is happy

because she’s drinking bubble tea

in disguise,

though it’s not quite a tub,

1.6 kilograms.

 

Later,

the beach,

and maybe a nap,

maybe Arthur C. Clarke

or Waterloo Road.

 

For now,

people-watching

and a stomach ache

as I watch the dancing

fountains.

 

 

The coach journey wasn’t too bad and I made a good dent in my Arthur C. Clarke book (The White Hart), which was pretty good. We ate our sandwiches too and then fell asleep for the last half hour or so. The coach dropped us off right by the sea front.

We went to check in at the hotel, which is cheap but reasonably cheerful, with a little en-suite bathroom inside what looks like a walk-in wardrobe. Then we went for a stroll along the pier and played some arcade games (The Walking Dead, Time Crisis IV, a claw machine and air hocket). Shay met Hello Kitty, too.

After a nap at the hotel, we went for a sunset walk along the seafront before heading into town. We had a drink at The Cricketers while a guy played some live music, and as an added little bonus, it turned out to be the oldest pub in Brighton and to have a room named after Graham Greene, one of my favourite writers.

Then we went for cocktails at Twisted Lemon and we were going to move on to Revolutions so Shay could get a bubblegum daiquiri, but they wouldn’t let us in because I didn’t have ID. I’m nearly 34.

So instead, we went to Belgian Chipsfor some Belgian-style fries, and Shay tried mozzarella sticks for the first time, which she enjoyed just as much as you’d imagine. Then it was back to the hotel for Waterloo Road!

 

 

Don’t Be Sad

Don’t be sad,

it’s just the chemicals

firing in your brain,

but the serotonin sunshine

will find your smile.

 

 

We slept okay and woke up early-ish the following morning, packed our stuff and then checked out of the hotel.

Shay wanted some bubble tea and I needed a coffee, so we went for a little wander along the beach. The place we’d seen advertising bubble tea was closed, but we did stop by Sarah and Topsy, which had a bunch of Hello Kitty stuff, and so Shay was happy. I got some new stickers for my guitar and she got some keyrings, an adorable bunny and a popsocket for her phone, which she now can’t live without.

From there, we went for a wander into the city centre so we could check out the open market, stopping off for a few photo opportunities and charity shops along the way, The market was great to browse through, though we didn’t buy much. I got some wax melts that I’m sharing with my mum, and we also stopped for coffee and vegan hot chocolate at The Flying Saucer Cafe.

Next up, we walked back in the direction we came so that we could go to No Catch for vegan fish and chips. I’d had it before at Vegan Campout, and it was part of the reason why I picked Brighton as a destination. It was Shay’s first time though, and she loved it. We tried their Oreo bites too, yum yum.

After lunch, we strolled back along the beach and picked up a few souvenirs, and we also stopped off at the Brighton Fishing Museum, which was free and which had been recommended by my mum. It was pretty good for what it was!

While we were there, we also dropped into a little art gallery called Gallery 242. The proprietor had a cute dog, and when we got chatting, she talked to Shay about pottery and offered to display some of her goods.

We were going to play crazy golf after that, but the course closed and so we went back to Revolution so that Shay could try their bubblegum daiquiri. This time, we weren’t asked for ID going in and because it was happy hour, Shay could get two for £10. And so of course, she got four for £20.

And that was pretty much the end of the adventure. We had to take a couple of coaches to get back, and I felt travel sick for most of the way, but a stop at Costa helped. We got home at about 10:30 PM and watched Waterloo Road. Result.

 

 

Biggie Biggie Biggie

We missed the cat,

of course we did,

our cat is a cutie

in Wycombe or Brighton,

he wouldn’t like the sand

or walking the stones,

but he might like the fish

and the seagulls.

 

Now we’ve made it back home

and he’s lying on the sofa,

he’s lying on the bed

and giving us the eyeball,

swallowing up Dreamies

like Tasty Sticks.

 

He thinks the dot

from the laser pointer

is a sniper rifle;

we think

his claws

need trimming.

 

My feline friend,

it’s good to be

home.

The post Brighton Journal 2023 first appeared on DaneCobain.com.

Out Now: Half-Human Heroes (edited by Jeremy Fee)

Hi, folks! Dane here, and today I’m sharing a quick little update to let you know that it’s launch day for Half-Human Heroes, a brand new anthology edited by the one and only Jeremy Fee!

Jeremy is a YouTube friend of mine and an author in his own right, and so when he asked me if I’d be interested in taking part in his new anthology, I knew I had to say yes. I submitted a story, he accepted it, and the rest is history!

Here’s what you need to know:

 

 

This action-packed fantasy anthology includes stories with characters considered half-human for various reasons, such as being multi-racial or hybrid species, shorter than the average human, characters lacking some sense of humanity, possessed characters, etc. Despite the derogatory views of others, these characters still manage to (at least sometimes) act in heroic ways.

The authors of this anthology share something in common, in addition to their love for speculative fiction (fantasy, science-fiction, horror, magical realism) they also promote reading and literacy with their social media accounts. You can find them online with YouTube (BookTube, AuthorTube), Instagram (commonly referred to as Bookstagram), and Twitter.

Foreword by Philip Chase, Ph.D.
“Dishonoured in Death” by Mason Adey
“Goatman’s Bridge” by P.M. Brown
“The Band Gets Together” by Dane Cobain
“Home of the Gnome” by Jeremy Fee
“Abandoned Hope” by Jessica Haas
“Amaranthine Amphitheater” by Liam Q.D. Hall
“Lies of the Sun Stone & the Hybrid Prince” by S.D. Huston
“Red Eyes” by Kupel Yosef Kark
“More or Less Human” by Margaret Pinard
“The Defense of Bergond” by David Wiley

 

 

My story, The Band Gets Together, is actually the first chapter of a work-in-progress of mine called Monsters of Rock, but it happens to work well as a standalone and perfectly fitted the submission criteria. The full novel will hopefully be out in a year or so, so keep ’em peeled.

Half-Human Heroes is out now in paperback and ebook formats and you can pick up your copy here. .

As always, thanks a lot for stopping by and be sure to follow me on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Goodreads, Twitter, LinkedIn and TikTok for further updates. I’ll see you soon for more!

The post Out Now: Half-Human Heroes (edited by Jeremy Fee) first appeared on DaneCobain.com.