Stephanie Faris's Blog, page 46
June 3, 2015
Introducing The Darkness Within By Kelly Hashway
Today we're celebrating the release of a new book from one of the most adorable bloggers in our community.
Kelly Hashway is launching her book into the world with a book blast. The Darkness Within is a continuation of The Monster Within, a book I'm going to have to read before I can read this one! Here is the cover for her latest:
Here's more about Kelly's book, which you can buy now. Don't forget to enter the giveaway at the bottom of this post!
Blurb:
After dying of cancer at seventeen and being brought back to life by an evil witch who turned her into a monster, Samantha Thompson thinks she's finally gotten past all the tragedy in her life. Now she's part of a coven of good witches who are helping her and her boyfriend, Ethan Anderson, learn to use the powers they received from other witches. Aside from the fact that Sam and Ethan are still in hiding from their old lives--the ones they had before Sam was brought back to life--things couldn't be better. Sam and Ethan are inseparable. What could go wrong?
Magic.
Ethan's magic came from a witch who'd turned as evil as possible, and though his coven thought he'd be fine, the more he uses his magic, the stranger he starts acting. The magic inside him is changing who he is. One minute he's Sam's sweet, perfect Ethan and the next, he's a complete stranger. Even with all her witchy power, Sam is helpless against the magic corrupting Ethan. Can Sam find out what's wrong with him before she loses him to dark magic forever?
Bio:
Kelly Hashway grew up reading R.L. Stein’s Fear Street novels and writing stories of her own, so it was no surprise to her family when she majored in English and later obtained a masters degree in English Secondary Education from East Stroudsburg University. After teaching middle school language arts for seven years, Hashway went back to school and focused specifically on writing. She is now the author of three young adult series, one middle grade series, and several picture books. She also writes contemporary romance under the pen name Ashelyn Drake. When she isn’t writing, Hashway works as an editor for Leap Books as well as for her own list of clients. In her spare time, she enjoys running, traveling, and volunteering with the PTO. Hashway currently resides in Pennsylvania with her husband, daughter, and two pets. Hashway is represented by Sarah Negovetich of Corvisiero Literary Agency.
Contact info:
Website | Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Amazon | B&N | Goodreads | Google+
a Rafflecopter giveaway
Kelly Hashway is launching her book into the world with a book blast. The Darkness Within is a continuation of The Monster Within, a book I'm going to have to read before I can read this one! Here is the cover for her latest:
Here's more about Kelly's book, which you can buy now. Don't forget to enter the giveaway at the bottom of this post!
Blurb:
After dying of cancer at seventeen and being brought back to life by an evil witch who turned her into a monster, Samantha Thompson thinks she's finally gotten past all the tragedy in her life. Now she's part of a coven of good witches who are helping her and her boyfriend, Ethan Anderson, learn to use the powers they received from other witches. Aside from the fact that Sam and Ethan are still in hiding from their old lives--the ones they had before Sam was brought back to life--things couldn't be better. Sam and Ethan are inseparable. What could go wrong?
Magic.
Ethan's magic came from a witch who'd turned as evil as possible, and though his coven thought he'd be fine, the more he uses his magic, the stranger he starts acting. The magic inside him is changing who he is. One minute he's Sam's sweet, perfect Ethan and the next, he's a complete stranger. Even with all her witchy power, Sam is helpless against the magic corrupting Ethan. Can Sam find out what's wrong with him before she loses him to dark magic forever?
Bio:
Kelly Hashway grew up reading R.L. Stein’s Fear Street novels and writing stories of her own, so it was no surprise to her family when she majored in English and later obtained a masters degree in English Secondary Education from East Stroudsburg University. After teaching middle school language arts for seven years, Hashway went back to school and focused specifically on writing. She is now the author of three young adult series, one middle grade series, and several picture books. She also writes contemporary romance under the pen name Ashelyn Drake. When she isn’t writing, Hashway works as an editor for Leap Books as well as for her own list of clients. In her spare time, she enjoys running, traveling, and volunteering with the PTO. Hashway currently resides in Pennsylvania with her husband, daughter, and two pets. Hashway is represented by Sarah Negovetich of Corvisiero Literary Agency. Contact info:
Website | Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Amazon | B&N | Goodreads | Google+
a Rafflecopter giveaway
June 1, 2015
We All Should Have Rainbow Hair
I'm technically a middle-aged woman. There are things I shouldn't think are cool. I should be shaking my head, all Golden Girls-ish, and mumbling to myself about kids today.
But there's one trend I find absolutely mesmerizing. I would never do it because it would look ridiculous on a middle-aged woman. But for a young woman, I think this is beautiful.
I've seen people my age (and older) shake their heads at it. I've even seen them refer to young people with multicolor hair derogatorily, using terms like "Rainbow Brite." For the record, Rainbow Brite's hair doesn't look like this:
It looks like this:
I think the problem with this new hair trend is that it goes against what we're used to seeing. For centuries, hair has been varying shades of a few select colors. You're blonde, brunette, or a redhead. That's it. Anything else is "unnatural."
Yet we don't limit our clothing or nail polish colors. At times, we don't even limit our eye-makeup shades.
Apparently we aren't stopping with multicolored hair, either. Are you ready for the new trend in hair color?
Are you sure?
GRANNY HAIR!!!
Don't get too excited if that's your natural hair color. Apparently to pull this off, you have to be really young.
And really attractive.
Otherwise you just look prematurely gray.
What do you think of these new hair trends? Would you ever dye your hair a daring color?
But there's one trend I find absolutely mesmerizing. I would never do it because it would look ridiculous on a middle-aged woman. But for a young woman, I think this is beautiful.
I've seen people my age (and older) shake their heads at it. I've even seen them refer to young people with multicolor hair derogatorily, using terms like "Rainbow Brite." For the record, Rainbow Brite's hair doesn't look like this:
It looks like this:
I think the problem with this new hair trend is that it goes against what we're used to seeing. For centuries, hair has been varying shades of a few select colors. You're blonde, brunette, or a redhead. That's it. Anything else is "unnatural."
Yet we don't limit our clothing or nail polish colors. At times, we don't even limit our eye-makeup shades.
Apparently we aren't stopping with multicolored hair, either. Are you ready for the new trend in hair color?
Are you sure?
GRANNY HAIR!!!
Don't get too excited if that's your natural hair color. Apparently to pull this off, you have to be really young.
And really attractive.
Otherwise you just look prematurely gray.
What do you think of these new hair trends? Would you ever dye your hair a daring color?
May 29, 2015
The Cephalopod Coffehouse: Best Books of May
It's the last Friday of the month, which means it's time to reveal the best books of the month. It's part of the Cephalopod Coffeehouse:
I'm so excited to tell you about this first book...mostly because authors Jessica Haight and Stephanie Robinson are so supportive of authors. Any time I see a supportive author, I want to tell everyone I know to buy that person's book! Like many supportive authors, Jessica and Stephanie have oodles of talent to go with their wonderful personalities. The Secret Lives of Fairday Morrow has everything I love in a book...
It combines the spookiness of the supernatural with the suspense of a story about child detectives. I love Fairday Morrow. She's so courageous while also being realistic. The supernatural scenes are scary without being too scary for young readers. It's the perfect tween book!
My second book this month is Ghost of Death by Chrys Fey.
If I haven't mentioned it before, I love ghosts. Stories about what happens after death have always fascinated me. Chrys's story doesn't disappoint. Jolie Montgomery wakes up with no memory of how she ended up dead in an alley. She follows the lead detective throughout the investigation, with the mystery unraveling as the story progresses. There isn't a single slow moment in Ghost of Death. In fact, I read the entire book in two sessions on the treadmill. I couldn't stop reading!
Book #3 is Kinetic by S.K. Anthony.
You don't have to have supernatural powers to relate to Annie Fox's feelings for her ex. In fact, almost every woman has, at one time or another, been attracted to a man who is completely bad for her. Only Annie's ex has special powers...and those special powers are dangerous. Annie's orders are to kill him when she sees him, but she can't quite bring herself to do that. If you like kick-butt, but relatable, characters, you'll love Kinetic.
I also read two books on audio this month. The first was this amazing tween book by Sarah Mlynowski. I may be the last person in the world to start on the Whatever After book series but after reading Fairest of All, I know I'll have to read more of them!
Just as the Magic Tree House series takes readers through history, the Whatever After series takes readers through fairy tales. Ten-year-old Abby and her seven-year-old brother find a magic mirror that allows them to step right into their favorite fairytales. Mlynowski has that great writer's "voice" that makes girly tween books so fun.
My last book was my grown-up indulgence. I do that every now and then. The Stranger is the book that knocked The Girl on the Train off the top spot on the best seller list. There's a reason. Harlan Coben rocks!
Imagine a stranger approaching you and telling you your wife faked her pregnancy. Or your daughter has been working as an online "escort." This is the basic setup of The Stranger, but why is the stranger telling people these things? You'll just have to read it to find out!
What's the best book you read in May? Tell us in comments or add your name to the list below and tell all of your readers!
I'm so excited to tell you about this first book...mostly because authors Jessica Haight and Stephanie Robinson are so supportive of authors. Any time I see a supportive author, I want to tell everyone I know to buy that person's book! Like many supportive authors, Jessica and Stephanie have oodles of talent to go with their wonderful personalities. The Secret Lives of Fairday Morrow has everything I love in a book...
It combines the spookiness of the supernatural with the suspense of a story about child detectives. I love Fairday Morrow. She's so courageous while also being realistic. The supernatural scenes are scary without being too scary for young readers. It's the perfect tween book!
My second book this month is Ghost of Death by Chrys Fey.
If I haven't mentioned it before, I love ghosts. Stories about what happens after death have always fascinated me. Chrys's story doesn't disappoint. Jolie Montgomery wakes up with no memory of how she ended up dead in an alley. She follows the lead detective throughout the investigation, with the mystery unraveling as the story progresses. There isn't a single slow moment in Ghost of Death. In fact, I read the entire book in two sessions on the treadmill. I couldn't stop reading!
Book #3 is Kinetic by S.K. Anthony.
You don't have to have supernatural powers to relate to Annie Fox's feelings for her ex. In fact, almost every woman has, at one time or another, been attracted to a man who is completely bad for her. Only Annie's ex has special powers...and those special powers are dangerous. Annie's orders are to kill him when she sees him, but she can't quite bring herself to do that. If you like kick-butt, but relatable, characters, you'll love Kinetic.
I also read two books on audio this month. The first was this amazing tween book by Sarah Mlynowski. I may be the last person in the world to start on the Whatever After book series but after reading Fairest of All, I know I'll have to read more of them!
Just as the Magic Tree House series takes readers through history, the Whatever After series takes readers through fairy tales. Ten-year-old Abby and her seven-year-old brother find a magic mirror that allows them to step right into their favorite fairytales. Mlynowski has that great writer's "voice" that makes girly tween books so fun.
My last book was my grown-up indulgence. I do that every now and then. The Stranger is the book that knocked The Girl on the Train off the top spot on the best seller list. There's a reason. Harlan Coben rocks!
Imagine a stranger approaching you and telling you your wife faked her pregnancy. Or your daughter has been working as an online "escort." This is the basic setup of The Stranger, but why is the stranger telling people these things? You'll just have to read it to find out!
What's the best book you read in May? Tell us in comments or add your name to the list below and tell all of your readers!
May 27, 2015
Guest Post: 5 Things You Should Know About Ten Thousand Days
It's a busy week in the blogging world. Today I'm welcoming C.D. Gallant, who is telling us five things we should know about his new book, Ten Thousand Days. Check out this beautiful cover:
Here's his post. Be sure to read all about him below his guest post and order a copy today!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My debut novella Ten Thousand Days is now available as an eBook on Amazon sites worldwide. A contemporary fantasy, it's the story of Isaac, a young Everyman and regular guy who just seems to stumble through life and is somehow married to the most beautiful girl in the world. He doesn't appreciate what he has until everything is taken away and he's thrust into a weird and horrific otherworld as he desperately tries to regain his lost love.
You can read the blurb anywhere, but I'm here today to give you a bit more detail and insight on what the book really is and what you can expect for taking the chance with me.
1. It is probably not what you're expecting
The biggest feedback I've gotten about Ten Thousand Days so far is "That's not what I was expecting at all." The blurb and the first few chapters seem to set something up, but the story skews in a drastically different direction in the second act. Part of the surprise is because I've been purposefully vague about plot details hoping to avoid revealing too many spoilers. Another part of it may be because I just didn't write a very good blurb.
Either way, hopefully the rest of this list will better prepare your expectations.
Do away with your preconceptions. Be open-minded. And be ready for a crazy ride...
2. It is funny
I have a weird sense of humour. My favourite authors are Terry Pratchett and Kurt Vonnegut, plus I hold a special place for Douglas Adams and Christopher Moore. That's the style of humour I aim for. Do I hit it? Maybe not on their illustrious level, but I've been told there's a chuckle or two.
That being said, Ten Thousand Days is not a comedy. It has equal parts heartbreak and melancholy. I tried to balance the comedy and the tragedy because I think that's the way both work best - humour in sadness, sorrow in joy, hand in hand, together always. Much like Isaac and his wife Clementine are *supposed* to be.
3. It is a fantasy
Not "Lord of the Rings" fantasy, more of a Neil Gaiman style modern-fantasy. I really tried to go for an “American Gods” or “Neverwhere” type of vibe.
Those of you who pick this up expecting fantasy shouldn’t be surprised if you don't see any magic and wonder right away. It starts pretty mundane, but trust me, it gets fantastical as the story progresses. There will be wizards and monsters and time travel and probably a dragon. But that's how fantasy works right? By contrasting the weird against the normal? Ten Thousand Days certainly strives to do that. Things get extra weird and surreal when juxtaposed against the normalcy of every day...
4. It is a fairy tale
It's certainly based on a fairy tale, anyway. While not an exact re-telling of the story of Briar Rose (Sleeping Beauty), I do borrow liberally from that tale. There's a quest and battle between good and evil and it contains many of the same tropes like dragons and magic swords. There's even one scene toward the middle that wouldn't be out of place in the Disney version (well, except for the swearing... and the blood). At its heart it's the story of a young man going on an adventure, but it's also a lot more than that.
5. It is a love story
Ten Thousand Days is listed under several categories on Amazon, "romance" being one of them. Which it is technically a love story, the categorization is also a little misleading. It's not a "Romance" in the traditional sense of the genre. Maybe it's just my own perception, but when I think of a "Romance Novel," I picture stuff like Harlequin, "bodice rippers" and erotica, which Ten Thousand Days is certainly not. If anything, my book is more of a Romance in the sense that Wuthering Heights in a romance - not that I'm comparing my book to Wuthering Heights, because my wife would slap me if I did - it's more about passion and death and longing and desperation. It's no English literary classic, but it definitely has more in common with gothic romanticism than "Hired by the Cowboy" or "Waking Up Married."
Bio:
Writer, gamer, pro-wrestling aficionado. Dad.
I claim to write stories, but really I just find them in The Closet, dust them off, add a few commas and send them out into the world.
Proudly Canadian, born and raised in Newfoundland, fine-tuned and educated in Toronto and currently residing in Ottawa with a beautiful wife, two wonderful children and various furry four-legged companions.
Contact info:
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Amazon | Google+ | Goodreads
Here's his post. Be sure to read all about him below his guest post and order a copy today!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My debut novella Ten Thousand Days is now available as an eBook on Amazon sites worldwide. A contemporary fantasy, it's the story of Isaac, a young Everyman and regular guy who just seems to stumble through life and is somehow married to the most beautiful girl in the world. He doesn't appreciate what he has until everything is taken away and he's thrust into a weird and horrific otherworld as he desperately tries to regain his lost love.
You can read the blurb anywhere, but I'm here today to give you a bit more detail and insight on what the book really is and what you can expect for taking the chance with me.
1. It is probably not what you're expecting
The biggest feedback I've gotten about Ten Thousand Days so far is "That's not what I was expecting at all." The blurb and the first few chapters seem to set something up, but the story skews in a drastically different direction in the second act. Part of the surprise is because I've been purposefully vague about plot details hoping to avoid revealing too many spoilers. Another part of it may be because I just didn't write a very good blurb.
Either way, hopefully the rest of this list will better prepare your expectations.
Do away with your preconceptions. Be open-minded. And be ready for a crazy ride...
2. It is funny
I have a weird sense of humour. My favourite authors are Terry Pratchett and Kurt Vonnegut, plus I hold a special place for Douglas Adams and Christopher Moore. That's the style of humour I aim for. Do I hit it? Maybe not on their illustrious level, but I've been told there's a chuckle or two.
That being said, Ten Thousand Days is not a comedy. It has equal parts heartbreak and melancholy. I tried to balance the comedy and the tragedy because I think that's the way both work best - humour in sadness, sorrow in joy, hand in hand, together always. Much like Isaac and his wife Clementine are *supposed* to be.
3. It is a fantasy
Not "Lord of the Rings" fantasy, more of a Neil Gaiman style modern-fantasy. I really tried to go for an “American Gods” or “Neverwhere” type of vibe.
Those of you who pick this up expecting fantasy shouldn’t be surprised if you don't see any magic and wonder right away. It starts pretty mundane, but trust me, it gets fantastical as the story progresses. There will be wizards and monsters and time travel and probably a dragon. But that's how fantasy works right? By contrasting the weird against the normal? Ten Thousand Days certainly strives to do that. Things get extra weird and surreal when juxtaposed against the normalcy of every day...
4. It is a fairy tale
It's certainly based on a fairy tale, anyway. While not an exact re-telling of the story of Briar Rose (Sleeping Beauty), I do borrow liberally from that tale. There's a quest and battle between good and evil and it contains many of the same tropes like dragons and magic swords. There's even one scene toward the middle that wouldn't be out of place in the Disney version (well, except for the swearing... and the blood). At its heart it's the story of a young man going on an adventure, but it's also a lot more than that.
5. It is a love story
Ten Thousand Days is listed under several categories on Amazon, "romance" being one of them. Which it is technically a love story, the categorization is also a little misleading. It's not a "Romance" in the traditional sense of the genre. Maybe it's just my own perception, but when I think of a "Romance Novel," I picture stuff like Harlequin, "bodice rippers" and erotica, which Ten Thousand Days is certainly not. If anything, my book is more of a Romance in the sense that Wuthering Heights in a romance - not that I'm comparing my book to Wuthering Heights, because my wife would slap me if I did - it's more about passion and death and longing and desperation. It's no English literary classic, but it definitely has more in common with gothic romanticism than "Hired by the Cowboy" or "Waking Up Married."
Bio:Writer, gamer, pro-wrestling aficionado. Dad.
I claim to write stories, but really I just find them in The Closet, dust them off, add a few commas and send them out into the world.
Proudly Canadian, born and raised in Newfoundland, fine-tuned and educated in Toronto and currently residing in Ottawa with a beautiful wife, two wonderful children and various furry four-legged companions.
Contact info:
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Amazon | Google+ | Goodreads
May 25, 2015
Introducing A Change of Mind By Nick Wilford
Nick Wilford is launching his book baby into the world today and I'm excited to help. Here's Nick:
Through his blog, Scattergun Scribblings, Nick writes about writing. He lives in Scotland, which just shows how wide-reaching our blog world is! His new book, A Change of Mind, is a collection that includes various short pieces. Here's the awesome cover:
Here's more about Nick's new book, which goes on sale today.
Blurb:
A Change of Mind and Other Stories consists of a novella, four short stories and one flash fiction piece. This collection puts the extremes of human behaviour under the microscope with the help of lashings of dark humour, and includes four pieces previously published in Writer’s Muse magazine.
In A Change of Mind, Reuben is an office worker so meek and mild he puts up with daily bullying from his boorish male colleagues as if it’s just a normal part of his day. But when a stranger points him in the direction of a surgeon offering a revolutionary new procedure, he can’t pass up the chance to turn his life around.
But this isn’t your average surgeon. For a start, he operates alone in a small room above a mechanic’s. And he promises to alter his patients’ personality so they can be anything they want to be…
In Marissa, a man who is determined to find evidence of his girlfriend’s infidelity ends up wondering if he should have left well alone.
The Dog God finds a chink in the armour of a man with a megalomaniacal desire to take over the world.
In The Insomniac, a man who leads an obsessively regimented lifestyle on one hour’s sleep a night finds a disruption to his routine doesn’t work for him.
Hole In One sees a dedicated golfer achieving a lifelong ambition.
The Loner ends the collection on a note of hope as two family members try to rebuild their lives after they are torn apart by jealousy.
Bio:
Nick Wilford is a writer and stay-at-home dad. Once a journalist, he now makes use of those rare times when the house is quiet to explore the realms of fiction, with a little freelance editing and formatting thrown in. When not working he can usually be found spending time with his family or cleaning something. He has four short stories published in Writer’s Muse magazine. Nick is also the editor of Overcoming Adversity: An Anthology for Andrew. Visit him at his blog or connect with him on Twitter or Goodreads.
Contact info:
Blog | Twitter | Amazon | Amazon UK | B&N | Goodreads | Smashwords | Kobo
Through his blog, Scattergun Scribblings, Nick writes about writing. He lives in Scotland, which just shows how wide-reaching our blog world is! His new book, A Change of Mind, is a collection that includes various short pieces. Here's the awesome cover:
Here's more about Nick's new book, which goes on sale today.
Blurb:
A Change of Mind and Other Stories consists of a novella, four short stories and one flash fiction piece. This collection puts the extremes of human behaviour under the microscope with the help of lashings of dark humour, and includes four pieces previously published in Writer’s Muse magazine.
In A Change of Mind, Reuben is an office worker so meek and mild he puts up with daily bullying from his boorish male colleagues as if it’s just a normal part of his day. But when a stranger points him in the direction of a surgeon offering a revolutionary new procedure, he can’t pass up the chance to turn his life around.
But this isn’t your average surgeon. For a start, he operates alone in a small room above a mechanic’s. And he promises to alter his patients’ personality so they can be anything they want to be…
In Marissa, a man who is determined to find evidence of his girlfriend’s infidelity ends up wondering if he should have left well alone.
The Dog God finds a chink in the armour of a man with a megalomaniacal desire to take over the world.
In The Insomniac, a man who leads an obsessively regimented lifestyle on one hour’s sleep a night finds a disruption to his routine doesn’t work for him.
Hole In One sees a dedicated golfer achieving a lifelong ambition.
The Loner ends the collection on a note of hope as two family members try to rebuild their lives after they are torn apart by jealousy.
Bio:Nick Wilford is a writer and stay-at-home dad. Once a journalist, he now makes use of those rare times when the house is quiet to explore the realms of fiction, with a little freelance editing and formatting thrown in. When not working he can usually be found spending time with his family or cleaning something. He has four short stories published in Writer’s Muse magazine. Nick is also the editor of Overcoming Adversity: An Anthology for Andrew. Visit him at his blog or connect with him on Twitter or Goodreads.
Contact info:
Blog | Twitter | Amazon | Amazon UK | B&N | Goodreads | Smashwords | Kobo
May 22, 2015
Road Rage: A Waste of Time
Every now and then, I find myself stuck in traffic. It reminds me of the 21 years I spent driving to downtown Nashville.
In the early years, I'd get frustrated. I'd shout at my fellow commuters.
By the time I arrived at work, I looked like this.
Then I discovered audiobooks. I'd sync my car with my phone, press play, and follow the exciting adventures of various fictional characters.
Add some coffee and what do you have? A relaxing commute. Cut me off in traffic? I don't care. I'm chillin' with my coffee and some good fiction.
Many days, I hated to arrive at work. It meant the end of my quiet time. Plus it meant the beginning of...you know...work.
I could have spent my mornings like this...
But instead I made the most of it. I turned it into enjoyable early-morning me time.
Do you suffer from road rage?
In the early years, I'd get frustrated. I'd shout at my fellow commuters.
By the time I arrived at work, I looked like this.
Then I discovered audiobooks. I'd sync my car with my phone, press play, and follow the exciting adventures of various fictional characters.
Add some coffee and what do you have? A relaxing commute. Cut me off in traffic? I don't care. I'm chillin' with my coffee and some good fiction.
Many days, I hated to arrive at work. It meant the end of my quiet time. Plus it meant the beginning of...you know...work.
I could have spent my mornings like this...
But instead I made the most of it. I turned it into enjoyable early-morning me time.
Do you suffer from road rage?
May 20, 2015
Things I've Learned from Reality TV
Hulu put the entire Real Housewives franchise on its site. I never thought I'd enjoy it but I started watching and couldn't stop.
Along the way, I've learned a few things. I thought I'd pass them on to you to save you from having to watch all 40 billion episodes to learn them yourself!
"Glamping" is a word. Definition: Camping like a Real Housewife. Which involves red wine, real dishes, and a multimillion-dollar cabin in the mountains.
There is a difference between a white wine glass and a red wine glass. I did not know this because I'm not rich. But mostly, I didn't know this because I don't drink wine constantly like some people.
Many, many, many rich people are actually poor. In fact, more than a few of the people participating in the Real Housewives franchise rent houses they can't afford to qualify to be on the show. Some go bankrupt. Some even overspend so much, they end up in jail. It's "keeping up with the Joneses" on hyperdrive.
There is such a thing as edible diamonds. I am proud to say I did not know this.
Rich people have a different vocabulary than we do. "Cheers" is a verb. As in, "Let's cheers to being reality show douchebags."
The Real Hotwives of Orlando is HILARIOUS, but only after you've seen the shows it's parodying.
Do you have any reality TV guilty pleasures?
Along the way, I've learned a few things. I thought I'd pass them on to you to save you from having to watch all 40 billion episodes to learn them yourself!
"Glamping" is a word. Definition: Camping like a Real Housewife. Which involves red wine, real dishes, and a multimillion-dollar cabin in the mountains.
There is a difference between a white wine glass and a red wine glass. I did not know this because I'm not rich. But mostly, I didn't know this because I don't drink wine constantly like some people.
Many, many, many rich people are actually poor. In fact, more than a few of the people participating in the Real Housewives franchise rent houses they can't afford to qualify to be on the show. Some go bankrupt. Some even overspend so much, they end up in jail. It's "keeping up with the Joneses" on hyperdrive.
There is such a thing as edible diamonds. I am proud to say I did not know this.
Rich people have a different vocabulary than we do. "Cheers" is a verb. As in, "Let's cheers to being reality show douchebags."
The Real Hotwives of Orlando is HILARIOUS, but only after you've seen the shows it's parodying.
Do you have any reality TV guilty pleasures?
May 18, 2015
5 Reasons I'll Never Move Again
Every time I move, I say the same thing.
I also say I'm never going to move again. I was in my last house nine years, though--the longest I've lived anywhere. Since I'm 44 years old, that tells you I've moved quite a few times.
Earlier this month, I moved again. We still haven't unpacked all the boxes. As I struggle to find "the new normal," I find myself uttering the same words I say with every move: "I'm never moving again." Here are five reasons why.
#5: Flood flashbacks
We went through the 2010 Nashville flood. We had to move all of our belongings out, toss 75 percent of them in the trash, rebuild our house, then move what remained of our belongings back in. That was five years ago. Preparing our old house to sell was a little too much like rebuilding after the flood for my taste. I wonder if I'll ever be able to walk into a Home Depot again without having flashbacks.
#4: Discombobulation
Unless you move down the street, chances are you'll have to relearn everything. Where's the grocery store? Who delivers pizza? When is trash pickup? The weeks it takes to settle into a new routine are fine if you have no full-time job. If you're busy, it's all just a pain in the you-know-what.
#3: Paperwork
"Hi. We're handling your mortgage. Before we can close your loan, we'll need you to send over your last three pay stubs, proof of employment, and a pint of blood."
#2: Selling Is a Pain
If you're buying a house, you're moving out of something. Unless it's your mom's basement (and she's really lenient), that means you have to thoroughly clean it and repair all the little things that have become damaged over time. If you put it on the market while you're still living there, it also means you have to be prepared to leave the house every time someone wants to look at it.
#1: Comcast
Comcast is the only Internet option where I live. They outsource local installation to lazy idiots and outsource their calls to overseas workers who have no idea what's going on. The result is a big mess. I could tell you all the ways they suck, but I'm just going to enjoy finally having Internet and hope I never have to speak to a Comcast rep named "Ryan" in India for the rest of my life.
What was your last move like? Do you think you'll move again soon?
I also say I'm never going to move again. I was in my last house nine years, though--the longest I've lived anywhere. Since I'm 44 years old, that tells you I've moved quite a few times.
Earlier this month, I moved again. We still haven't unpacked all the boxes. As I struggle to find "the new normal," I find myself uttering the same words I say with every move: "I'm never moving again." Here are five reasons why.
#5: Flood flashbacks
We went through the 2010 Nashville flood. We had to move all of our belongings out, toss 75 percent of them in the trash, rebuild our house, then move what remained of our belongings back in. That was five years ago. Preparing our old house to sell was a little too much like rebuilding after the flood for my taste. I wonder if I'll ever be able to walk into a Home Depot again without having flashbacks.
#4: Discombobulation
Unless you move down the street, chances are you'll have to relearn everything. Where's the grocery store? Who delivers pizza? When is trash pickup? The weeks it takes to settle into a new routine are fine if you have no full-time job. If you're busy, it's all just a pain in the you-know-what.
#3: Paperwork
"Hi. We're handling your mortgage. Before we can close your loan, we'll need you to send over your last three pay stubs, proof of employment, and a pint of blood."
#2: Selling Is a Pain
If you're buying a house, you're moving out of something. Unless it's your mom's basement (and she's really lenient), that means you have to thoroughly clean it and repair all the little things that have become damaged over time. If you put it on the market while you're still living there, it also means you have to be prepared to leave the house every time someone wants to look at it.
#1: Comcast
Comcast is the only Internet option where I live. They outsource local installation to lazy idiots and outsource their calls to overseas workers who have no idea what's going on. The result is a big mess. I could tell you all the ways they suck, but I'm just going to enjoy finally having Internet and hope I never have to speak to a Comcast rep named "Ryan" in India for the rest of my life.
What was your last move like? Do you think you'll move again soon?
May 15, 2015
What Does Your Creative Process Look Like?
Writing is a deeply personal process. It taps into a part of us that we may not even fully understand. The mind of a creative person is a very complicated thing.
The process of getting our ideas onto the page can be a sensitive one. We may learn we get our best ideas in the shower. Or while out for a walk. Or while staring out at the water.
A writer might find the ideas flow more freely while seated at a desk. Or reclining on the sofa. Or while perched on the roof of a doghouse.
Some writers have to have a cup of coffee before sitting down to write. Some have a glass of wine or something even stronger. Some of us boost our serotonin with a hefty dose of this:
Some can only write with pen and paper. Some prefer an old-school typewriter. Most of us, however, write on a laptop or desktop computer.
Personally, I recently found that changing my font while writing fiction was oddly inspiring. It felt more creative. Try it sometime!
Whatever your process, it's probably drastically different from how people picture it.
What is your creative process?
The process of getting our ideas onto the page can be a sensitive one. We may learn we get our best ideas in the shower. Or while out for a walk. Or while staring out at the water.
A writer might find the ideas flow more freely while seated at a desk. Or reclining on the sofa. Or while perched on the roof of a doghouse.
Some writers have to have a cup of coffee before sitting down to write. Some have a glass of wine or something even stronger. Some of us boost our serotonin with a hefty dose of this:
Some can only write with pen and paper. Some prefer an old-school typewriter. Most of us, however, write on a laptop or desktop computer.
Personally, I recently found that changing my font while writing fiction was oddly inspiring. It felt more creative. Try it sometime!
Whatever your process, it's probably drastically different from how people picture it.
What is your creative process?
May 13, 2015
Hold On There, Cowboy!
I live in the South. I'm sure you already know that a few things come with living in the South. One is the prevalence of this:
Another is the belief that everyone should have one of these:
Not everyone in the South is pro-gun ownership, but plenty are. Many gun owners feel unsafe, so they buy guns to protect themselves.
Again, there are arguments for and against that. But what I've noticed on our community Facebook pages is that there are a large number of people who take it a step too far. The second there's a robbery, some Jesse James wannabe says, "They'd better not try to break into my house. They won't get out alive."
For that reason, the recent conviction of a Montana man caught my interest. Markus Kaarma was convicted and sentenced to 70 years for shooting an intruder in his garage. The intruder was this guy:
Foreign exchange student Diren Dede entered
Kaarma's open garage in search of beer. It was something teenagers in the area did, since some people store beer there. Only what Diren didn't realize was the home's occupants could see him on a makeshift video surveillance system they'd installed. These are the home's occupants (Kaarma and family):
There are several other factors that led to Kaarma's arrest and conviction, but the gist of it is that they were viewed as having set up a trap to capture intruders. Kaarma fired four shots, one of which demonstrated that Dede was walking away from him, not toward him as Kaarma had claimed.
Are there laws protecting residents who defend their homes? Yes. Montana has what is called a "castle doctrine," allowing residents to defend themselves against break-ins. The problem is, Kaarma told people he'd been waiting up night after night, waiting for an intruder to come along.
Circling back to the start of this blog, doesn't that make it a bad idea to state on a very public forum, "They'd better not try to break into my house. They won't get out alive?"
Do you think someone is justified in shooting an intruder who has broken into his garage?
Another is the belief that everyone should have one of these:
Not everyone in the South is pro-gun ownership, but plenty are. Many gun owners feel unsafe, so they buy guns to protect themselves.
Again, there are arguments for and against that. But what I've noticed on our community Facebook pages is that there are a large number of people who take it a step too far. The second there's a robbery, some Jesse James wannabe says, "They'd better not try to break into my house. They won't get out alive."
For that reason, the recent conviction of a Montana man caught my interest. Markus Kaarma was convicted and sentenced to 70 years for shooting an intruder in his garage. The intruder was this guy:
Foreign exchange student Diren Dede entered
Kaarma's open garage in search of beer. It was something teenagers in the area did, since some people store beer there. Only what Diren didn't realize was the home's occupants could see him on a makeshift video surveillance system they'd installed. These are the home's occupants (Kaarma and family):
There are several other factors that led to Kaarma's arrest and conviction, but the gist of it is that they were viewed as having set up a trap to capture intruders. Kaarma fired four shots, one of which demonstrated that Dede was walking away from him, not toward him as Kaarma had claimed.
Are there laws protecting residents who defend their homes? Yes. Montana has what is called a "castle doctrine," allowing residents to defend themselves against break-ins. The problem is, Kaarma told people he'd been waiting up night after night, waiting for an intruder to come along.
Circling back to the start of this blog, doesn't that make it a bad idea to state on a very public forum, "They'd better not try to break into my house. They won't get out alive?"
Do you think someone is justified in shooting an intruder who has broken into his garage?
