Deborah Macgillivray's Blog, page 9

Candy and I went out to celebrate this wonderfully quaint...

Candy and I went out to celebrate this wonderfully quaint holidayBowcock's Eve in Cornwall, England
Tom Bawcock's Eve is an annual festival, held on 23 December, in Mousehole, Cornwall,  England.The festival is held in celebration and memorial of the efforts of legendary Mousehole resident Tom Bawcock to lift a famine from the village by going out to fish in a severe storm. During this festival Stargazy pie (a mixed fish, egg and potato pie with protruding fish heads) is eaten and depending on the year of celebration a lantern procession takes place.



FOR THE CRUST:2 1⁄4 cups flour, plus more for dusting1 tsp. kosher salt1 tsp. mustard powder12 tbsp. unsalted butter6 tbsp. ice-cold water
FOR THE FILLING:6 slices bacon, cut into one inch pieces2 tbsp. unsalted butter1 medium yellow onion, finely chopped1⁄2 cup chicken stock1⁄3 cup crème fraîche2 tbsp. English mustard2 tbsp. finely chopped parsley1 tbsp. fresh lemon juice2 eggs, beatensalt and pepper, to taste|8 fresh sardines, cleaned, heads attached3 eggs, hard-boiled, peeled, and sliced
InstructionsCrust: Whisk flour, mustard, and salt in a bowl. Using blend butter into flour mixture, forming pea-size crumbles. Add water.  Work dough until smooth but with visible flecks of butter. Divide dough in half and flatten into disks. Wrap disks in plastic wrap; chill 1 hour before using.Filling: Heat bacon in a 4-qt. saucepan over medium-high heat.  Cook until slightly crisp, 5–7 minutes. Transfer bacon to paper towels to drain. Add butter and onion to pan.  Cook until golden, 5–7 minutes. Remove from heat; whisk in stock, crème fraîche, mustard, parsley, lemon juice, half the egg, and salt; set aside.
Heat oven to 400°. On a lightly floured surface, roll 1 disk of dough into a 12” round. Fit into a 9” pie plate; trim edges, leaving 1” dough overhanging edge of plate. Arrange sardines in a clocklike pattern with heads resting along edge of crust. Pour filling over sardines; top with reserved bacon, the hard-boiled eggs, salt, and pepper. Roll remaining disk of dough into a 12” round; cut eight 1” slits in dough about 2” from the edge. Place over top of pie and pull sardine heads through slits. Pinch top and bottom edges together and fold under; crimp edges. Brush with remaining egg and cut three 1”-long slits in top of pie; bake until crust is golden and filling is bubbling, 35–40 minutes. Let cool slightly before serving.








Happy Bowcock's Eve!!!

Surgery is behind me...mostly

well, I am up.  Second day after the operation.  My mouth is a sore, and swollen, but not bad. I need to thank the wonderful horde of surgeons, anesthesiologists, nurses, and assist staff at University of Louisville. They made the whole process very easy. I couldn't have been in better hands - Dr. Kushner and Dr. Oppenheim.  They are tops!

They removed the tumor/cyst.  Ameloblastoma.  The thing is sort of a pilar cyst/keloid caused by the trauma of me breaking my jaw in March after my husband's death. The removed bone material inside the jaw to protect it from trying to come back. This sort of growth was born of trauma to the jaw, and since surgery is trauma they wanted to be careful too do everything to prevent it happening again. They removed the teeth were the roots are been eaten away by the growth, and removed three others that were feared invaded to prevent them from harboring tumor material in the roots. They left several on the left side, so I can chew, though that isn't option for a couple months.  Full liquids, which I had been preparing for, so that is no biggie. If it goes into a blender, it can go into me...lol. They will address the issue of replacing the teeth once things are headed, but that won't be for a while.

It's not done, yet. They had it "dry packed" inside the jaw. I go in once a week for 4-6 weeks, and they will remove the packing and put in a new smaller step down size packing. They did not put in a steel plate. The surgeons felt there was enough lower bone left to - for now -- permit the bone to heal. However at 2-4 weeks there is danger the jaw will break. If that happens, it will be back to surgery for the plate to be insert. Knock wood that doesn't happen...lol. No bone graft, though that could be down the road from 6 months to two years. Again, I will try to skip at that.

Swelling is going down fast. I have pain pills, infection pills, but no real pain. He said he wanted me to return to my daily walking schedule today, that walking prevents blood clots from forming.

They made the whole procedure easy.  It was the nightmare week before that was so hard on me. Blood Pressure stayed 120 over 74 whole time, sugar was normal, temperature was 97.4 whole time, so guessing no infection. No nerve damage, as the tumor didn't touch any nerves and they didn't hurt them in the removal process. So all in all, I think I came out the best that can be expected.

So think everything came out better than they could hope.  The doctors were smiling and quite happy with the results. Good Beans, Wellington!

Wishing everyone a thanksgiving.  We thankful for the small miracles of good doctors and nurses, who will be serving this day, helping saved loved ones and aiding others into healing.

Grow Old With me....

(ignore the feet...lol)
The other night as I was drifting off to sleep, old memories were floating through my mind. I had a house fire 9 years ago, nearly died in it, lost both my cat Foutchie, and Dawn Thompson's Mizz Fuzz. When Dawn was dying, I told her I would take Mizz Fuzz, an elderly kitty. Fuzz traveled from New York to Kentucky, and ultimately made a place in our hearts and home. It hurt so much to lose the two cats, that I was numb for a long time. I forgot in that grief - losing the cats, losing everything, losing the whole-- for you will grieve for that loss too, I forgot that my husband had given me a sundial for our anniversary over 20 years before. I walked off from that mess and never looked back-- and left the sundial. I was in crippling pain, for it has "Grow old with me the best is yet to be". SOMETHING that I could have held onto from "that life", something from him. Well, I howled like a baby, but then I got mad at myself -- for being so careless, though not without cause, and for something lost I treasured. Howled for the treasured memento lost.


Instead of letting that take hold, I got online and bought me an "anniversary" present from him to me....again. I found the same sundial. Yes, it isn't the one he gave me. He is not here to grow old with me. But I can grow old for us both, I suppose.

updating my coming surgery

Last week, I met with the oral surgeon, who said the only thing to do was radical surgery. It entailed taking about 75% of my jaw out, all but two lower teeth, remove the lesions, then bone graft from one in lower leg and metal plate. The second stage of the surgery was the bone graft/and or metal plate and plastic surgery, for they would cut me cross my neck jaw-to-jaw and place the metal/bone graft in through there. 1 week in ICU 3-4 weeks in regular hospital, then six month recovery.However, when I met with the second stage (bone graft/steel plate) surgeon he was strongly against this. He said it not cancer. It will never move elsewhere, and prefered a second treatment--remove the lesions, then do a bone grind, which is grinding away of only 1/4 inch of the affected bone, which leave my jaw alone, so no need for cosmetic surgery. I would only have to stay in recovery overnight and could go home in the morning and after a few days I would be back to normal.After they presented the two option, both said if they were facing this, they would go for the moderate surgery...and I totally agree. So that is what I elected. I am much more at peace with this option. They said it will not move anywhere else in my body, it's just there and will continue to be a problem unless removed. So we remove, but this way the quality of life will not be impacted.Call me happy camper.

Good News....mostly

Doctor appointment today to get the result of the biopsy. Great news—it is not malignant, and the tumor is In Situ—meaning it does not metastatic, migrate to other organs or bones. I go back in a week to meet with all the surgeons—one removes the tumor, one will do either a bone graphic/and/or metal plate, and one puts humpty dumpty back together again. They will do the surgery in about a month. They will remove about 75% of the lower jaw and all but 2-4 of lower teeth. So won’t be fun by any longshot, but it is something I can handle. I have a month to make sure I am a bit stronger. The waiting for news really wore me down. I think the doctor was surprised when I was grinning as he told me what he and the other doctors would have me do. He didn’t know the no cancer was such a RELIEF!! I felt almost giddy.  He remarked that I healed from the biopsy exceptionally well, so is part of the battle with the surgeries.  The tumor is "invasive ameloblastoma", which is what my super dentist, Winnie Bowing thought it would be.

  

News comes Monday

It's been some long nights...but the two weeks also feels like it is going fast.Monday, I shall learn what sort of lesion is devouring my jaw and teeth.  Naturally, I have been reading on WedMD about similar tumors.  The majority was non-malignant.  So, I am hoping that will be the case for me.  I have dealt with health issues--bad heart, bad knees, but never someone cutting into my body, removing things, putting things in so this is new adventure.  Staying positive.  Three day from now I shall be sitting here with the results.  Then, I will face what removing the lesions entails, metal jaw insert, and finally facial surgery to put it all back to right.  Im not sure if that will be three things done at once, or separate surgeries for each.  I guess I will learn that on Monday as well.   The biggest questions in my life and I don't have my husband to turn to and to have his reassurance things will be all right.  I must travel this path on my own.
So wish me luck. 

Driving Miz Candy...

When Candy moved here in autumn of 2010 - she was a state certified driver's license instructor in New York.  I guess after over thirty years of teaching she was ready to retire.  She didn't have a car and my hubby and I took her wherever she needed to go.  With me now facing jaw surgery, there is a problem if I have to stay more than a night in the hospital.  Who would feed my kitties?  So we decided she would need her driver's license again.  It is simply too far from my house to hers to consider her not using the car.  Plus there would be the matter of dropping me off and picking me up for surgery.

So last Monday, after my biopsy, I took Candy to take her written test.  Of course she passed with 100%.  Everyone was having a giggle about Miz Candy, 72 year old, in the mix of teens getting their first permit.  It was all in good humor, and even one worked said the state police were hiring new driver inspectors, to test people coming in for the driving test.  She smiled and passed on that.

Today, I put short stuff in my Escalade and set her loose on the roads.  She did well -- like a bicycle you never forget.  She tooled around town, then we rode down to get a shaved ice.  She did very well.

So look out, the little old lady from Pasadena...hmmm...La Grange is on the roads.

Facing Dragons

Today I went in for a biopsy on my jawbone.  Not easy.  Not too bad.  Add in the emotional side of being in the hospital -- same hospital where my husband died just six months ago to the day.  But I faced all the dragons and came through on the other side.  The procedure went well.  They gave me pain pills, but don't really need them.  Dr. Mark Oppenheimer did the procedure.  Of course they send off the tissue growing inside the bone, around a couple teeth and fluid, but it appears to look like non-malignant tumor.  Ameloblastoma is what my dentist, Dr. Winnie Bowling and Dr. Oppenheimer are leaning toward.  If that is the case, then I am lucky.

I will still have to have the tumor removed, a plate put in the jaw, and some plastic surgery, but I feel positive.  And that is a good way to feel.

So knock wood.  Results come back in two weeks, and then they were set up the operations.

life has a way of grabbing you when you least expect it.

I posted the blog about moving on, letting my friends and reader know I was dealing with the grief of losing my husband, and handling pretty well, I thought.  Never announce your plans or you will hear the gods laugh?  Well, barely two days after that I went to dentist for routine check up.  I missed last year because with nursing my husband during his cancer, cleaning teeth little mattered.

They were going to do whole head x ray, just to update changes.  I could tell when they didn't move on to cleaning, something was wrong.  My regular dentist was off for the day, so I was going to see her new associated.  They kept looking at me with sad worried eyes and saying the dentist would be there to see me in just a few minutes.  Well, my regular dentist came rushing in, still in her gym clothes.  They called her in to break to the news to me.  I have a 8 centimeters lesion inside the front of my jaw.  If I bit down wrong, I would shatter my jawbone.  She personally drove me to the University hospital and stayed with me for 5 hours, why they got all doctors on board and ran the tests.   The doctors kept looking at me and her, like how did I rate my personal dentist holding my hand through all this?  She is just that kind of true lady. (a shout to to Dr. Winnie Boling--you won't find one better!)   I finally sent her home at 5pm to feed the kids and make sure they were fine with the babysitter.  Now how is that for a caring dentist?  She came back and picked me up at 9pm, when all the tests were done.

They will do a biopsy on the lesion Monday.  Two week wait as we wait for results to get back.  Then, I will need the lesion removed, and the jaw rebuilt, as the lesion has destroyed most of my jaw, and about 7 roots of my teeth.  So cut it out, rebuilt my jaw with metal plate and then finally facial reconstruction.  Eazy peazy, eh?

Wish me luck....

thoughts and reflections on life and moving on

I haven't been posting too much on the blog since my husband died in March.

This Saturday is the big 6 months bugbear. Still hard to believe he is gone six months. The world seems a little bit paler without his presence to fill it.
Part of me, keeps thinking he is just away and will come in and knock on the door frame to alert me he is there. He always walked as soft as a cat, so at times he scared the bejesus out of me because I didn't know I wasn't alone. He knew I would often be wrapped up in writing, so he would alert me of his presence. I just keep anticipating that knock. I recall when he was trying to prepare me for things I would need to know--and I was not listening. I didn't want to calmly go over things I would handle went he would be absent. He kept pressing, and I broke down crying...and laughing...saying it wouldn't matter because I wouldn't last six months without him. Not being dramatic in saying that, but I figured everything would be just too much for me. Knock wood, I am going to breeze past that goal. Not easy --we all know. But I am moving ahead, discovering the limits and boundaries of my new life. It's not a life I envisioned. Being the widow was not one of the hats I anticipated wearing. But life often isn't as you wish it would be. Rather, we must find the moments that tells you life is worth living. Today I had my hair trimmed--last time was just before he grew ill. And I got to go for a walk on the square, first time since they called and said he needed to get into the Cancer treatment asap. Did a half mile; not a bad start. And I paused to enjoy the first day of Autumn. So, in keeping with getting my feet under me, I am going to the dentist Thursday to deal with the teeth I cracked when I fell after he died. I made eye appointment. Go in for yearly blood work the following week, and after that the yearly health check with Dr. Abby. And, fun fun, got a new laptop to get back to writing. I worry too much, but then I always did. But I am surviving. Six months and counting...